Tag: sunrise

It keeps us away from who we should be loving – 30th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

“How much more time, energy, and pure brainpower would you have available if you drastically cut your media consumption? How much more rested and present would you feel if you were no longer excited and outraged by every scandal, breaking story, and potential crisis (many of which never come to pass anyway)?”

Excerpt From “The Daily Stoic” by Ryan Holiday

This is something I’ve been conscious of for about ten years, since first reading an article about how ‘the news’ is not good for us. In my lifetime the news and its delivery have changed considerably. Someone who read newspapers or watched BBC 2 news analysis shows was deemed to be knowledgeable and worldly.

These days news is everywhere and very little of it is actually news. A couple of decades ago Jello Biafra urged us to ‘become the media’ and technology has now allowed us that opportunity but we, as humans, have subverted this idea to push along our personal agendas.

So, I turned off the news, anywhere it could be found. If there’s something I really need to know I will find out about it. 99.9% of everything else has no real consequence in my life. That gives me a lot of free time to appreciate all the good things in life. It brings me closer to those I should be loving.

Another fantastic slow news day!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sunrise each morning. With the temple as a pointer on the mountain, I can see how ancient man used this to measure time.

Our intentional, effortful activities have a powerful effect on how happy we are over and above the effects of our set points and the circumstances in which we find ourselves.

Sonya Lyubomirsky

To-do list

  • Finish gratitude letter for Maesara. ✅
  • Get some solid info from George about lesson plans. ½
  • Immigration, book shop, relax. ✅
  • More Coursera, transfer notes to book. ✅
  • Clean up cartoon drawing. ✅

Today was another easy day and I felt very happy with everything. I actually got a lot more done than I expected. I feel like things are coming together very well in my life. I feel fresher, livelier, motivated and committed.

I talked with George after work – a stimulating and positive conversation as usual. He thinks TLC will ask me to join CRPAO lesson planning before this semester ends which will be fine for me.

George has his way of dealing with ‘troublesome’ people at work that I really admire and something I could definitely learn and improve on in myself. It revolves around listening and thinking a lot more before speaking. My outspoken opinion on things seems to get me into trouble so I need to step back and think about the outcomes more.

Tomorrow I’ve had to suddenly rearrange my day so that I can renew my work permit. I dealt with this change of plan quite easily and shouldn’t cause any issues. Tonight I will savour my trip to Japan when I first met Limited Express (has gone?)

If I took the time to bleed from all the tiny little arrows shot my way – 24th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Flow
– challenging but attainable goals
– strong focused concentration
– intrinsically rewarding
– feeling of serenity
– loss of self-consciousness
– timelessness/lose track of time
– lack of awareness of physical needs
– complete focus on the activity

How to achieve flow?
– Doing challenging leisure!

extrinsic = external
intrinsic = internal

extrinsic motivation can undermine intrinsic motivation and growth mindset

Growth mindset
– focus on learning not outcomes
– good performance takes hard work
– hard work is good
– effort = good
– make the most of deficiencies
– capitalise on mistakes
– no decrease in internal motivation
– performance increases over time

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the sunrise in the morning and prepare myself for the new day.

The choice of being horribly depressed or incredibly liberated is up to you.

Neil Pasricha

To-do list

  • Book flights after school. ½
  • Cut down on feeds – focus on Stoicism. ✅
  • Be more curious today – learn more about someone. ✅
  • Do not complain! Do not complain! ✅
  • Random act of kindness. ½

Finally, the English camp is over. I decided to sit and talk with Aiza a little as we’d never really been introduced.

At the coffee shop, there were some Japanese tourists and I held the door for them and said ‘Oaskini doso’ much to their surprise. They were very happy and it made me feel good.

I was very conscious of not complaining about anything today and may have succeeded. And in a big effort, I managed to book most of the flights for the WDS tour. A beautiful Sichuan hot pot to complete the day.

The only downside is the feeling that Amy is not so happy at the moment – she is always annoyed or upset about something in this country. I understand it is more difficult for her here than it is for me (in some ways) and I know she appreciates the things we have but I hope she can ward off these imbalances in her happiness.

Tomorrow we will be teaching again. I’m feeling confident in my lessons and look forward to them more than school, even though I have more fun with the students at school.

To say the first things on my mind – 5th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Philosophical Meditation

What am I currently upset about?
What am I currently anxious about?
What am I currently curious or excited about?

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the daybreak as I drive over the mountains to Chiang Mai. It was very beautiful.

From commonplace book

How many things that seemed at the time beautiful and inaccessible to me have since become insignificant, and the things I had then are forever unattainable now.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy pg 870

To-do list

  • Wake up at 5 am with a big smile ½
  • Help Dad with driving to and from Chiang Mai ✅
  • Talk with Ting about her life in the UK ½
  • Think about more things you like about Hayden and if there’s time, write them into the questions journal
  • It’s a long and wearisome day for everyone – be conscious not to complain. ✅

I didn’t wake up with a smile but I put one on my face when I read my list in the morning.

So, I ended up driving both to and from Chiang Mai. I was in a bit of a daze but I did manage to ask Ting a little bit about her life back in the U.K.

I didn’t complain today, that I remember, but I think it’s easier to recognise when you are not complaining than when you are.

Despite having six hours of driving and thinking time I didn’t think about Hayden but when I got home I saw that he is doing some fundraising for RFS in Australia. I know he has a good and kind heart. I must call him soon. I’ll put it on my list for tomorrow.

Though he was very small, he did what he was told – 3rd January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Jimmy talked to me today and told me he had complaints from parents about me hugging the kids. I got a little defensive, unfortunately, as to me, it’s not a big deal. But I need to understand how the kids might feel if they are influenced by this culture and their parent’s understanding.

(Later) Fuck me, these kids drive me crazy. Fucking annoying obnoxious little brats.

What am I doing here? I feel like I’m wasting my time trying to teach them anything. Fuck – it was a bad day.

I felt a little better after looking at what I have prepared for them next week. I don’t know if things will go well enough but at least it has a little more structure than today. I need to try and concentrate on the ones who want to learn and ignore all the others.

I wish I could explain to the parents that their children (the ones who want to learn) are constantly held back by the rest of the class. I don’t know how much they would care. It’s a pointless thought anyway because it will never happen. So – I have to keep myself happy somehow and fuck everything else.

It’s not really contenting so I hope Amy and I can work out a way to get out of this position by developing our own classes – something that is somewhat fraught with danger due to work conditions.

Gratitude Journal

What a sunrise this morning. I am so happy and grateful to be able to view this every morning.

From commonplace book

…these fragments of musical expressions good as some of them were, stuck me as unpleasant because they were entirely unexpected and unprepared for. Gaiety, sadness, despair, tenderness, triumph burst upon the ear without any justification, just like the emotions of a madman. And, as with a madman, these emotions vanished just as unexpectedly.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, pg 789

To-do list

  • Compliment everybody. ½
  • What you read – read deeply.
  • Write back to Lachlan. ✅
  • Write to Kieran – anyone else?
  • Look for nice things to do for others.
  • Smile a lot – do not complain.
  • Get books from Mohan.

I started today well by complimenting the teacher on gate duty. My first class went well too despite my initial worries.

Things got derailed from there though as Jimmy talked to me that a parent had called to complain that their daughter cried at home because I hugged her. Jimmy said not to touch the students or he didn’t know what would happen.

I put forward my case that it is my style and though I understood what he was saying that it could happen again. I know the benefit of hugs and haven’t come across any signs from the students that they are upset by it.

I tried to stay as neutral as I could but was infuriated, not listening or choosing to misunderstand me. I got annoyed when it looked to me as if he was pretending to take a phone call and just started talking to his phone, cutting off what I was saying.

I did notice myself quickly trying to think about the content of what he said and despite being a bit miffed I thought that I have to accept this if I want to stay working.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t keep it out of my mind and as I thought more I thought perhaps that no students had actually complained but that he (or another teacher) had made the complaint. This certainly made more sense in the context of the conversation as Jimmy was quite vague and evasive.

Still – there is the message that they want to give me either way.

I wrote out a few different thoughts and ideas and my approach at the moment is to push more to teaching students at home – no boss, no stupid systems to follow and kids actually interested to learn more. Teaching at home comes it’s own predicaments as it’s technically illegal without a work permit and I could get thrown out of the country. This left me anxious somewhat and unsure of which way to turn.

My thinking right now is to teach until the end of the semester and see where things are at. I feel like I have to be like a robot more now – which I think is what they want. Good little automatons that can be used when required.

My patience was tested and broke in my last class and that was quite upsetting but I have thought of a strategy to attempt to stop it from happening again. Let’s just hope it is acceptable.

I’m still thinking about all this so it’s not clear from my mind yet. I have the weekend to adjust.

The bigger things – 16th December 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Today I asked Kru Tam how she thought I was doing at my job. She gave me positive feedback saying she could tell how much I cared for the students to learn. She did imply that sometimes I have to pull back a little – I think that is more related to my expectations than to my lessons.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the beautiful sunrise I see every morning before school. It’s a reminder of the bigger things, the slow, slow movement of the universe. Nothing we can do but get on with it.

To-do list

  • Most important * Be mentally prepared for the toughest classes of the week.
  • Try to write email to Aaron during school hours – subject: books and kids.
  • Clear all the Daily Stoic reading windows.
  • Congratulate the kids on good work and good thinking.
  • Compliment one of the other teachers.
  • Follow up with Andrew about contact with Indra.
  • Clear some emails.
  • Study Thai for 30 minutes.

Did it list

  • 30 squats and 30 weightless shoulder press
  • 30 minutes study Thai – mostly prep
  • Maintained calm and happiness through two of the three tough classes today
  • I forgive myself for losing it for a second in that last class. How to stop from getting into that situation again? Maybe need to make my lessons more practical. I’m hoping the ClassDojo ideas lessons work out well for those classes.
  • Asked Kru Tam for feedback on my performance – she said she could feel that I was really keen to help the students.
  • She also advised me to try to give them more time and maybe make things a little easier.
  • Sorted some more files for TCRAH
  • Have an idea for TCRAH – to share the music files with a friend and get them to comment on the music, then incorporate that into the actual show.
  • Read some more Daily Stoic articles and closed a few more Chrome tabs
  • Unsubscribed from a blog – content was ok but I’m at the point of having to choose the ones I like best.

He’s the rebel on the underground – 17th November 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

If you could travel back 5 years what would you tell yourself? What lessons have you learned that you would like to pass on?

I think about 5 years ago I had just embarked on working at Woolworths after helping May with Doodee in Sydney. Working at Woolworths was a weird change of pace for me that ultimately didn’t work out for me. I put my heart and soul into new work and I do that for myself. That internal reward drives me but I guess, looking back now I would have to tell myself that that reward is good and should be enough.

I also needed the positive reinforcement from other people such as the manager who behaved in a very undermining manner towards my work. I needed to be able to accept that rather than go through all the difficult times I did. I tried to make the best of a difficult situation in the end until a better opportunity arose. I think I could have jumped ship a lot quicker if I had been that confident in my abilities.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to sit this morning as the sun rose and pick off the grass seeds from my trousers. The countryside was quiet except for birds and critters making their morning noises. The sun was warm against the cool air and the somewhat arduous task became easy.

We got that attitude! – 12th November 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Slept deeply last night – for some reason the stress of standing up for myself on a small issue has made me very tired.

Yesterday was also a little frustrating as my students seem to have mostly forgotten what they did last week. Not all of them but enough to show that this will be a struggle. I do remember having a similar feeling in CRPAO soon after I started. I guess I need to adjust my expectations – teach to the top/middle – keep them interested.

I woke up tired but feel reasonably confident this morning. I only have two lessons today so can spend a lot of time preparing more lessons.

Gratitude Journal

I was so happy and grateful to watch the sunrise this morning. It came up over the mountain behind the temple spire and it was amazing. Every day the sun comes up. Long before I was here and long after I’m gone.