Tag: teaching

Secret Stairwell Reader – 12th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A library for escape
Away from toxic adolescence
Give me a book, a cure
Ten-minute convalescence
A silent conversation
With Kurt, Leo or Tim
Sudden shock discovery
Stirs something within
Where I fell in love
Every day, every page turned
Caught like a naughty child
A secret found, unearned
This secret isn’t yours to share
Find your own stairs to sit
Fall in your own love
And be satisfied with it

inspired by the story here on the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Tired from lack of sleep. Slept well but just not long enough. Hopefully coffee gets me going.

I was having a very nice dream this morning but it was suddenly interrupted by what seemed to be a handsome TV presenter with a gleaming smile. He looked at me sideways and then gave me a wink and a knowing smirk. And my alarm went off!

Did I almost cross over into the Matrix? A glimpse behind the curtain? I actually laughed as I turned my alarm off. It felt like some sort of comfort.

Today I’m grateful for:

Teaching the grade 10 kids first this morning. Even though their English isn’t good, their maturity at least makes them more manageable to teach. They still have concentration issues when it comes to phone management issues. I can’t help but feel that letting them have their phones in class is going to affect them badly in the future unless our societies turn into 5-second functions where they might be ahead of the game. 

I think these kids will be in for a rude awakening or have already accepted their fates.

The best thing about today was:

A big beautiful rainstorm from low black clouds as I was driving home. Our poor rusted guttering couldn’t cope with the deluge and I may need to make another venture up onto the roof to see if there is anything blocking it. If there’s not it just means there’s too much rain too quickly to even take care of.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As a follow-on from yesterday’s annoying class, I spent much of the day chasing up lazy kids, offering them help several times and making myself available, all to little avail. Less than half the students bothered to do anything. When the online quiz deadline passed I advised their homeroom teacher again asking what she could do about it and she just said she’d tell them again. She doesn’t get it either. The work for my class is no longer the issue. My two-hour lesson shouldn’t end up as a twenty-four-hour helpline. I asked again what she is going to do to stop them from wasting everyone’s time. I’m not expecting any answer.

Something I learned today?

Chatting with David, he is also frustrated with his classes and the student’s lack of understanding. I do take it as a challenge for me to find better ways to engage the kids but it is exhausting when they are just not interested in developing themselves at all. I think David will quit soon.

When was the last time I felt at ease?

I feel at ease most of the time if I consider it carefully. Sure I can let my classes wind me up but I’m mostly wound down again the following day even if I’m still thinking about it. By that point, I’m thinking up solutions and not getting emotionally caught up in it anymore. I’m not letting things overwhelm me like might have happened in the past.
It is still a rollercoaster of being totally on during the semester and then totally off during the holiday. That transition does feel weird.

My student, Wipping, took this picture because she asked me to smile but I pretended to be upset that she wasn’t working. This picture captures my internal feelings in class sometimes. 99% of the time it remains internal and I have also never hit anyone with that stick. It is actually my remote control for the projector on the ceiling.

Idea Of Heaven – 4th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We still have to teach the Gods to be human
They should bend to our will, not us to theirs
First, we have to understand ourselves
And an idea of heaven that everyone shares

Today I’m feeling:

I didn’t sleep well but felt ok at my alarm. Two hours into the day though and I’m feeling a little low and flat. My eyes are sore again and the cloudy grey skies feel depressing.

Last night Paen (Baitoey) contacted me again feeling depressed and suicidal. I don’t know how much more I can give her. I know she doesn’t have the skills but it seems like she doesn’t want to do the hard work and is always looking for the easy way out. She needs some guidance to turn her thinking around and I’m not the best person for that.

Her struggles weigh me down too.

Today I’m grateful for:

Payment coming through today as I was just about to run out of money. It meant I could pay the gardener who came today and can also order some more cat food now too. I still have money put aside for the aircon fix and hopefully enough spare for the plumbing fixes. Not sure if there will be enough for the guttering though.

The best thing about today was:

Many interesting conversations with my students outside of class.  They usually remind me about things I went through when I was their age.

Also, Champ was back from Australia for a quick visit and he was telling me that he had to do some part-time work to be able to afford to stay there whilst studying. He’s working at a school teaching grade 5 kids. He was comparing the difference between the education systems in Oz and in Thailand and that he now has a clearer understanding of us farang teachers when we work here and get frustrated at the way things work. I’ve adapted myself now but it does feel like a little vindication.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got home I could see that the gardeners had been. I’m thankful to them for tidying up our home but also can’t help noticing what a bad job they are doing. After asking them to clear the weeds properly along the driveway last time, this time they made no attempt at all. Worse still was that they cut the avocado tree that Bruno gave me last year, cut at the trunk! It was just starting to grow well and looked like it would develop into a nice-looking young tree. Fucking careless.

Something I learned today?

The great Chinese spy balloon incident is over. The US admitted that they found no evidence of anything beyond the weather instrumentation that the Chinese told them it was. The US is in the hands of adults acting like 5-year-olds.

How did I practice kindness?

Today I sat down with Paen and listened to her grievances about her life and what help she would like me to give her. She actually didn’t say much, I did most of the talking. I challenged her a lot because I can see that she is just running away from the real issue which is her own self-esteem, insecurities and problems at home. I can see that the things she wants me to help her with are not long-term solutions. 

I have shown her a lot of kindness and tried to help her many times. I can’t fix what happens in her head but I will support her as best I can.

I also ran into Preawa during the day and she was having some kind of problem with her boyfriend who was following her around forlornly. I messaged her this evening to see if she was ok and she said she was and appreciated my concern.

I think one of the reasons that the kids like me is that the can feel my empathy towards them even as I might be berating them for being lazy. I may not be the best teacher in the world but I think I’m a pretty good human.

What do I want to focus on today?

It looks like I will have to focus some time on helping Paen to see if she can change programs back to English. I see this as a band-aid solution for her because the problems are coming from within herself. I’ll try and find her the school counsellor and also find out why she stopped taking her meds. She seemed to be doing well in the first couple of weeks of the new semester.

I took this picture at the weekend because I’m loving seeing the freshly planted rice paddies. Is this a Thai spring?

Never Made A Cent – 27th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When chopping wood in winter
Becomes the gift that keeps giving
Carrying water under the blazing sun
Reaffirms the good life you’re living
Never selling a song or picture
Has no effect on the artistic soul
The action is the best reward
The outcome is out of our control

Today I’m feeling:

Another good sleep and woke with more of a spring in my step than yesterday. 
(evening) run out of energy after an hour of playing guitar.

Today I’m grateful for:

Matt paying for lunch for me. After I finished at school in the morning I drove over to his place and we went to a new fancy-ish restaurant just 500 metres from his place. The food was average but the vibe was cool. Time flew by as we hadn’t caught up with each other for quite a while. He’ll go back to the States in September for a few weeks and then I’ll go to Oz in October. I guess we’ll catch up again after that.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that I’m not needed until 1 pm at school tomorrow and making the decision to not bother clocking in on time and having a sleep-in instead.  No doubt I’ll still wake up but then I can go at my own speed.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was enjoying my morning coffee at House expecting to head back to school before 9am for the start of today’s activities when at about 8.20 I got a phone call asking where I was as the bus was about to leave. What bus? Here we go!
I came back to school and was told my spot for activities is under the bridge at the river. This is where I’m sitting now and told to wait for about thirty minutes for students to arrive. Let’s hope it’s not a Thai thirty minutes. I’m holding on to my thoughts and will use this time to study or contemplate the good things in this world.
(later) The kids came after about 20 minutes and I played an easy game with them, then they went off and I waited for the next group. The fourth and final group came after about an hour and I was done.
A random teacher came and picked me up on a motorbike and I went back to school where I found Mike who was still waiting for the first lot of kids to arrive. He’d spent an hour and a half in the sun waiting because no one had thought ahead about how they had planned this event. I chuckled and left before I could get roped into anything else.
I enjoyed the quick games with the kids and filled in the rest of the time studying Thai so in the end it was an interesting variation on my usual morning routine.

Something I learned today?

I’m tired and not quite feeling well-fed despite eating plenty today. I can’t think of anything clearly that I learned despite reading, listening, watching and talking plenty, too. 
Matt’s cat died last week so we shared our common sadness.

I took this picture because this was my teaching space this morning. That’s how I roll! I’ve gotten used to the bizarre situations I can end up in.

We Were Seventeen – 22nd June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In the grip of insecurities
She burned down the beautiful garden
New seeds sprouted with maturity
Reciprocated with a pardon

The weight of regret, too much to bear
One side of the story was hidden
Until this heartache was repaired and
Past indiscretions were forgiven

inspired by the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Susceptible to minor disruptions. I realise I’m tired this morning after less than 7 hours sleep but I felt pretty good driving to work and was happy to have a little funny conversation with my students Jan and Baipad before driving to House for coffee. At the school exit, I was careful when driving across the busy main road. A traffic cop was standing there and angrily (it probably wasn’t with anger but just clear gesticulation) waved me through even as a big truck was bearing down from the left. Somehow that really made me dark, though I really understood quickly what was happening in my head. I’m still trying to replace the feeling by remembering the interaction with the students instead. It’s not quite working yet. Perhaps this is a job for coffee!

Today I’m grateful for:

My students for really testing me today as I struggled with energy and enthusiasm. A couple of students who didn’t want to read in front of the class I kept back and had them try just for me and I’m proud that they did it. I just want them to get more confident and comfortable so that they test themselves and their abilities. I’m not so fussed about their actual output.

The best thing about today was:

Nothing in particular. Today was a bit of a blur and spent mostly in an above-average happy mood (after the incident in the morning).

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was starting to feel fatigued and exhausted by the time of my last class, who have become comfortable enough with me to try to push my boundaries. For the second half of the lesson, I had them read in front of the class with the rule that if anyone talked the reader would have to start again from the beginning. They soon figured out to be quiet and managed it for about 40 minutes which was good enough to get things done. 
I was happy to leave school and looking forward to getting home but then I remembered I had to go shopping too. Still, I managed to push on. I’m ready to drop.

What is a habit I would like to develop?

I think there’s nothing much at the moment. I’ve worked on developing a number of habits over the last three years and my time is too full already. So perhaps the question should be reversed to which habit I might like to inhibit instead. Eating candy? Watching YouTube? I don’t know, really? I think I’m good for the moment.

I took this picture because I saw something unusual sprouting from this plant (plant or tree, I’m not sure) yesterday and this morning it had become much more visible and grown to this. I never thought these would have flowers, which is presumably what will come. Stay tuned.

Beautiful Hell – 20th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A half-finished thought on a scrap
Of paper left to wait on the dash
Perhaps one day it will be completed
On this keyboard that I bash
The cosmos forever turning makes
For a beautiful hell to weave
Wherever these gifts are coming from
They’re a pleasure to receive

inspired by text at the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. My classes went well despite some annoyances and stresses. I felt a little bit over it by the end of the day and was glad to get home.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finishing entering my gratitude journal entries online for March 2021-June 2021. Onto the next little journal which continues up to August 2022 and when I started using this app (Day One). It’s kinda ironic that my last entry in that journal I just finished talked about being grateful for the journal itself as I prefer to write with a pen on paper rather than use the phone. I guess I still do prefer that but I’ve gotten used to doing these on the phone now.

The best thing about today was:

Chatting with my student Jet. She asked me what I thought about Kru Ren and I told her I liked him because he was unusual. She agreed and wants to talk with him more because she’s intrigued. She said he is an otaku’s otaku! I don’t know him well enough to comment but I also find him intriguing especially yesterday when he was wearing blue contact lenses.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Well, this is more the opposite. 
In my class yesterday it was apparent that the students didn’t understand much so I quickly put together some work that would give them more familiarity with the vocab and how to find their meanings in the dictionary along with a translation so that they could make connections. 
Setting this up kept them quiet and having them write it all down will help reinforce things a little more. By the time I got to the next class to teach them the same thing I had re-jigged the lesson so that it was in a better order. 
By tomorrow I should know if it has improved from the student’s perspective too.

Something I learned today?

I found some exercises and massage to possibly help my sore toe. I’m not sure if it is a bunion or not but the information should be useful anyway. It seems I would also benefit from buying wide-toed shoes to help too.

What is my favourite way to connect with nature?

See today’s picture. Right now getting on my motorbike and riding around is the best and easiest way for me. I do miss different natural settings these days. I mean the mountains and the jungle are breathtaking at times but it seems impossible to go anywhere here to get away from it.

On Sunday I took this picture because these vivid colours stood out as I was whizzing through this village on my motorbike. I had to stop and go back to get this shot but I’m glad I did.

Unmotivational Speech – 19th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Brain dead, no energy
Why bother? What’s the point?
A six-month-old funky floor
So, let’s clean up this joint

Asleep awake, uninspired
Dullest days in sepia greys
Waste not this time with fun
Let’s get these dull things done

Bored and tired, zombie walk
A total lack of motivation
Washing, ironing, the shitty work
Once achieved provides inspiration

20th Mar 2024 – Submitted to RDP – Anodyne
11th May 2024 – Submitted to RDP – Funky

Today I’m feeling:

A bit wired as I struggled to get to sleep last night after a late afternoon coffee (in a coconut smoothie – delicious!) at Panor whilst out riding around. It was a hot day yesterday and I’m still thirsty from it.

Today I’m grateful for:

The three or four students who understood (in English) what gratitude is and how to apply it. Most of the class were confused though I plan on slowly building their knowledge about gratitude by repeating the exercise every few weeks.

The best thing about today was:

Playing volleyball with some students as a light rain came and cooled us all down. Some students enjoyed it so much that they wanted to get soaked in it. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Trying to get my students to review their work outside of class is very frustrating as they mostly try to ignore messages and make excuses. I don’t know everyone’s situation outside school but I’m sure they mostly spend time playing games or looking at social media. I spent a lot of effort today trying to get everyone to finish the work for me and I was about 90% successful. I’ll take that as a win.

Something I learned today?

I’m learning a few things from reading Sapiens for example how certain mindsets in the past made for dramatic changes around the world. The thought that there was more knowledge out there in the world led to imperialism, capitalism and science. Those who believed that there was nothing outside their own realm worth bothering about were soon in for a surprise. In some ways, it would be nice if we were all just happy in our little spaces and just getting along with those near to us but if that was the case I probably wouldn’t own this phone that I’m currently writing on.

What is something I’ve been procrastinating on that I need to tackle?

Not procrastinating so much as just not having enough free time or dropping something else but I still haven’t got going with Ableton Live and my keyboard. The enthusiasm I had for experimenting and figuring out how to do things with music software is countered by the overwhelming options and possibilities. Well, it’s still there, waiting for when I’m ready.

Where did I show self-discipline?

There was definitely a point in my one class today where it felt like frustration might take over. This usually happens when students are not paying attention and I have to repeat myself several times. 
Somehow I managed to push the emotion back down as ultimately I knew it would be counterproductive to getting anywhere near the result I wanted.

I took this picture because we may have our first-ever dragonfruit this year.

Left To Stay – 16th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Time doesn’t have to make sense
In fact, it never will
Every now becomes a then
Forever standing still
A life amounts to nothing much
Just another day today
Gone are the years to come
There’s nothing left to stay

Today I’m feeling:

Aircon worked all night again though I changed the setting so it wasn’t freezing but I still woke up a few times and on top of being worn out, I woke up groggy, already thinking about tomorrow’s sleep-in. However, I got going with some exercise and my body feels good. Hopefully, this first coffee I’m waiting for helps keep my eyes open through my four hours between classes.

Today I’m grateful for:

My poorer students. Sometimes it is more enjoyable to watch them discover something than to watch the ones already up to speed rush to finish first. In my morning class, I was worried about how to fill the time but thankfully many students struggled with the task and we ended up finishing just five minutes early.

The best thing about today was:

I just finished playing guitar for about an hour and enjoyed making a bad racket for no one to hear. My whole day was enjoyable with tiring but fun classes filled with laughter.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I couldn’t stop myself from getting a late afternoon coffee as I was running around after school. I think it kept me going but may also keep me up tonight. I will handle it by sleeping in tomorrow if I wish.

Something I learned today?

I found out that at the end of the month is scout week again plus two days holiday too! What a life.

What is a recent accomplishment I am proud of?

That’s an interesting question. I think my accomplishments may be diminishing in grandeur these days but that is fine. I’ll bite off whatever I can gum. I’m quite proud of myself for my improving Thai skills though I’m still way off from being able to carry out a decent conversation but I was happy for my students to tell me that they appreciated that I spoke a little Thai with them and one student told me my pronunciation was the best of the foreign teachers in the school. It’s a bit of a delicate balance as the schools generally don’t want the foreign teachers speaking Thai but I’ll do whatever I can to help my students understand.

I took this picture because Tokyo is not an excitable puppy anymore but now has a chunky body with a skinny neck and a thin face. She spends her day mostly lazing around like this.

A Gift Is A Gift – 15th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can I keep the bullet you gave me
When you shot me through the heart?
Perhaps one day it will save me
To put back together what you ripped apart

Today I’m feeling:

Got up easily but woke up tired. The aircon worked last night and I was scared to make any changes to the settings so I woke up cold a couple of times!
By the time of my last class, I was feeling a little dizzy but I made it through well enough and got home to a message from the aircon people that they would come around 5pm. Result! 
They came and checked it out and will go off to find the price of the part they think needs replacing. They said there were ants inside part of the outside fan. That wouldn’t be surprising but also possibly bullshit. Whatever, I just want working aircon!

Today I’m grateful for:

In my search for food, I bumped into Boss and Safe from Utopia at the walking market and they told me there weren’t many stalls because the university is on a break now. So that’s probably why my fried fish lady has disappeared. 
I couldn’t find anything there so popped into Lotus’s and was grateful to find a plant-based pork belly microwave meal, buy two get one free. Perfect!

The best thing about today was:

I feel as if I was too busy to have anything that stands out above everything else as the best. I’ve just replayed the day in my mind and everything was fine and dandy and I was happy indeed. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both my M1 classes were pretty chaotic with many kids sprawling themselves around on the floor like fallen Jenga puzzle pieces. It still strikes me as bizarre the differences in acceptable behaviours in schools in Thailand and England (at least from what I remember). The atmosphere in schools here is kinda nice but Im struggling to see how the kids are actually learning!

Something I learned today?

I watched two separate videos about the war in the Ukraine and both the content and the commentators were totally at odds with each other. One discussed the masses of destroyed tanks in Ukraine’s counter-offensive and the other saw Ukraine prepare to attack on Russian soil. It felt like neither side’s commenters knew about the possibility of there being other narratives and as someone who hasn’t been following too closely, it’s difficult to know what to believe. Maybe that’s the point.

How can I be kinder to myself?

I’m pretty kind to myself already. At 55 I think I’m finally over my angsty teenage phase. I’m just getting started on real adult life.

I took this picture because when a student is not concentrating and looking at their phone I will ask them to hand it over and sometimes take as many pictures as I can with it to fill up their free space and they have to go back and delete all the photos. This was one of about 50 photos I took on Tulip’s phone today. She was a good sport about it even after finding that she actually had run out of space.

No Code – 13th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t want to leave here
These familiar sounds and smells
Every hour, stand up, sit down
With the tolling of the bells

The time of laughter and joy
Mixed with frustrations and tears
I want to be a kid forever
I don’t recognise these years

Freedom and future evaporate
As responsibilities reveal their load
I fail to understand how adults work
I don’t want to know the code

19th June 2023 – At 55, as a teacher, I’m finally enjoying my school years!

Today I’m feeling:

Last night the aircon in the bedroom was working again which was a relief…until! The power went out sometime while I was sleeping. I woke up hot and sticky and checked if the ELCB had tripped which it hadn’t so there was nothing to do except to try and get back to sleep which I did eventually and when I woke again, which may have been 5 minutes or 5 hours later, the power was back but the aircon stopped working! So when my alarm went off I elected to snooze it though stirred myself before it re-triggered.  I pushed through an ab workout and slowly my brain and body woke up properly.  By the time I was in class, I was set and felt good for the whole day.

Today I’m grateful for:

Breaking a guitar string that I had a single replacement for without having to open a new pack. It’s simple but I’ll take what I can get.

The best thing about today was:

The feeling of flow in the classroom. Sometimes being a teacher feels like herding cats and whilst that can be frustrating today I had the energy to run around and keep everyone focused (from time to time at least).

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Before I left school I met a few grumpy students from my last class. They were grumpy because they had been blamed for someone else’s garbage outside and had been made to clean up around the whole playground. When I got home Kru Wow had sent me a picture and message about the rubbish my students left in her classroom. Possibly the same students who had been wrongly accused outside! I apologised to Kru Wow but those kids are a very messy bunch. It’s up to me to check before they leave though.

Something I learned today?

Apparently, the forecast for this rainy season is no rain until August.  Fuuuuuu…..

What is a dream or aspiration that I have yet to pursue?

One of the main ideas of being located in Thailand was the easy access to the rest of Asia but due to covid, I’ve barely been anywhere. Still want to visit Vietnam, Korea, Cambodia, the Philippines and Indonesia as well as get back to Japan and China too.

Little Nicha (front) took this picture because she stole my phone out of my pocket while I was talking with JubJib (back). I was curious about what photos I would end up seeing and this is my favourite. Noah, JJ, Fah, me and Nicha. All good kids.

Recognition – 12th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What does your world feel like?
Is there still wonder in your eyes?
Do you recognise yourself anymore
When you hear the children’s cries?
Can you describe this moment
Even to yourself in thoughts?
Or are you too busy thinking
What may be in others’ reports?

Today I’m feeling:

Busy and positive. Even with only one class today I seemed to have little relaxed time though that’s not to say that it wasn’t enjoyable. I was at House most of the morning but filled that time with schoolwork and writing. I got back to school early and helped out a few students before class as well as getting some volleyball in with a mix of students I knew and others I didn’t. It was a lot of fun. Time ran away quickly.

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady in the next air con shop who I communicated with using translation and asked for a mechanic to come visit on Saturday if all goes well. I hope she doesn’t get scared off like the last shop.

The best thing about today was:

Watching one of my students, Goya, in Kru David’s class do really well at finding information within a text. David had been complaining about her before as her behaviour in class is not always attentive and he wasn’t convinced when I told him that she was quite clever at English. I was proud of her today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was talking to Amy on video call Tangmo and Tigger were suddenly fighting on the terrace. I got them apart and Tigger ran off with Tangmo chasing and barking. They ran all the way around the teaching room and back again until Tigger got himself up a tree. I was quite impressed as I’ve never seen Tig run and climb like that before. The old fat furball still has some energy in him.
I managed to drag/chase Tangmo out and close the gate before trying to coax Tig down from the tree. Eventually, I was able to get him down with help from the step ladder and he seemed to be ok though shocked and grumpy. Amy went off upset too but I reassured her that if there were any problems I’d take him straight to the vet.
He seems ok now it’s later in the evening but I’ll continue to keep a close eye on him. That was a bit of excitement I could do without. I’ll keep the gate closed more often again now. 

Something I learned today?

Apparently, China plans to build a military base in Cuba! Well, why not? China is surrounded by US military bases.

Who has had a significant impact on my life?

My mum, for being there; my dad, for not.
Bronwyn, for helping me gain confidence and to leave England.
TLJ, for being the kick in the ass I needed at the time.
Amy, for being able to share a life without letting compromise get in our way.
These are just very quick and minor thoughts, before bed.

I took this picture because cows were on the loose. This is just outside the school cafe.