Life is not easy It is not supposed to be Build up your wisdom
Today I’m feeling:
Happy but getting a little fatigued, maybe from pushing myself too hard with my morning exercise. But I need to keep pushing if I’m going to lose some belly fat.
Today I’m grateful for:
My tennis racket bug zapper. It’s supremely satisfying to hear the crackle of frying mosquitoes in its mesh as I wave it through the air.
The best thing about today was:
The positive response from the 4 students I sent messages to last night, telling them how well they are doing in class and for a couple of them to try and focus their friends too. Today’s class was much smoother and everyone seemed a little happier.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
If anything was out of my control today it didn’t have any noticeable effect on me.
Something I learned today?
I decided to look at the Guardian to see if there was anything I might learn that was in the news. I found very little. If each article just included facts about events they would be one paragraph long. It’s one of the reasons people only read headlines because there is little of consequence within.
What do you do to be involved in the community?
In general, due to my poor language skills, I don’t do much but I do consider that being a teacher is bring involved in the community. I hope to encourage these students to be the best that they can?
I took this picture because Cap was lying down with his tongue sticking out for some reason! He seems very happy.
Sometimes dreams and reality merge. As I walked through the gate towards the regular morning coffee I’m thinking of cars, locking the door of my own with the key in my pocket. Imagine that, me from the 80s. The remnants of sound of the podcast talking about used car salesmen and a ’68 Cadillac, friends driving around listening to old tapes. And a vague, fleeting recollection of the dream last night of cars past, pieces falling apart and breaking down. Those pieces of shit – a nostalgia trip of loving memory. The bad times were always the best. So what was real in this fog of pre-caffeine confusion? And is that what dying is? Do dreams and reality blur slowly at the edges until we finally fall out of our existence and into the ever-long dream?
Don’t be angry with me I know you don’t see it But I’m trying to steer you In the right direction I know you’re upset Your fun was curtailed But I’m trying to guide you Towards self-correction
You’ll see it one day Long after I’m gone It will be you With wise words to pass on
Dr Arnon for giving me medicine and cleaning spray for Tigger’s skin problem without me having to take him in. Putting the spray on today though I can see one of the wounds on his head is big and deep, with the scab coming away. I just hope the antibiotics stop him from getting infected and it can heal quickly, otherwise, it will be another trip back for Tig.
The best thing about today was:
The very cold reception I got from my class of truants from yesterday and then as they slowly understood the work they needed to do and then have to read for me and as they did it, sometimes laughing at their mistakes and finally showing some pride at their ability to do it. They are smart kids just choosing not to be.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This morning the students were kept late at assembly and straggled into class with many things on their minds except studying. This class (1/6) has broken up into little groups that distract themselves constantly so that today no one was listening. Frustrated, I just let them leave, considering other ways or things I can teach them. Speaking with their head student though she said it’s like that in every other class too. I have a plan for tomorrow but after that… I don’t know. I do hope we get better levels of students next year or I will have to continue dumbing things down even further.
And, on top of that, the reason they were kept late was that they were being told about next week which, I just found out, is scout week! Another whole week of no classes! Any possible momentum to get going after sports week, lost again!
Something I learned today?
Luckily the thing I was trying to remember yesterday was brought back to mind today as it was whilst I was listening to the End On End podcast talking about the Autoclave record and the track Hotspur. One of the hosts mentioned that Hotspur was the name of a character in a Shakespeare play (I forget which) and just word Hotspur reminds me of one of Rik Mayall’s outrageous characters in the Black Adder. I hope to find some books of Shakespeares’ plays with cliff notes to help me understand it all. I have one on the shelf already but it’s not really at the top of the pile yet.
What is something I want to do for myself in the coming year? Lose fat.
I took this picture because it’s not often that Tigger is close to Cap or Kim.
The music store in Germany where I bought a bunch of CDs from that arrived today. More music to listen to! I’m also grateful to the band from Istanbul that contacted me to help with their 2nd album release. It’s aces and I hope I can be involved somehow.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling energetic again. I cruised along getting things mentally crossed off lists of things that needed to be done and that I wanted to do.
I also enjoyed playing with Tokyo out in her driveway as she rolled around happily. She got a little bitey but not aggressively. She’s a lovely dog that could benefit from some proper training.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Both my classes had control problems today. The first was noisy but happy and mostly doing what I asked of them. I handled it by letting them do as they wished once they’d completed their tasks.
The second class were late and after ten minutes I shut the doors and started teaching, not letting anyone else in. This meant less than half the class attended and it was excellent as I could focus my efforts on everyone. I handled the situation without getting annoyed or upset and letting the kids enjoy their choice not to be in class. It’s up to them now.
Something I learned today?
Today I consciously thought ‘ah, this is something I can write for this section today’ and now…..blank! What was it! (10 minutes later) Nope. It’s gone. I’ll probably remember sometime tomorrow. I should make a note of it straight away! Duh!
What is something I want to do for others in the coming year? I want to help musicians to spread their music further into Southeast Asia as much as I can from my remote location. I also want to help my students improve their chances of being able to go abroad by motivating them to study English more.
I took this picture because this is the Kim Chi lookalike from the hairdressers yesterday. I like that the shot is not correct, focus in the wrong place and half the head not in frame. It was an action shot. I took another picture just before this that did have everything correct but favour this one.
On Friday and Saturday, I felt very muddle-headed but thankfully woke up yesterday running at about 80% and the day felt much more enjoyable. I’d finished the cough and nose meds and just have the rib injury meds to go now. My chest is feeling generally better but I have pains in different areas than before. Also, having just been lying down or sleeping for most of the last 4 days I developed a bit of lower back pain. As I was starting to improve last night and weighed myself before bed I realise I need to push myself much more as my weight has been slowly flourishing and that’s not the direction I wish to continue. I pushed myself a little more this morning and will also do a short evening workout, I think. I certainly feel a lot better this morning and feel calm in my class of whirlwind kids. My patience was tested but I just keep reminding myself that I’m doing what I can for them. I also have to remind myself that they are still just kids, finding their way and working things out. I could be talking about myself.
No more beers at half-time Or a quick drag on a fag Now it’s all about advertising The game has become a drag
No more fat moustaches Or divots on the pitch Now it’s all about the money And seeing who can get rich?
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and dizzy. All the medicine has fought off the pain and cold but now I feel like a chemical cesspool. I just want to sleep until tomorrow and stop taking medicine so that I’ll be recovered by Monday.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to fall back on online games like Kahoot to fill my student’s class time so that I could come home and rest more.
The best thing about today was:
Reading lots of comics in bed as I dipped in and out of sleep this afternoon. I’m catching up on old 2000AD annuals and specials so that I’m in the same time frame as the weeklies where I’m approaching issue 1000. Not even halfway through! Maybe I will finish reading in another ten years.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The one class I did have this morning was poorly attended and the students were in a lively mood, to say the least. I set a writing task about what they did this week and just went around helping them find the right words and grammar. It was interesting to have so few kids in the class for a change and it changed the dynamic a lot but still, a group of 12 and 13-year-olds together are going to be a handful.
Something I learned today?
I watched YouTube videos of Yan (Little Chinese Everywhere) in Turkey and Stamp Fairtex (Thai MMA fighter) in the US and there are so many interesting places in the world that I would like to see. But why does it feel like the world is fragmented and angry?
How can I rest or relax more often this year?
If I rest or relax anymore this year I’ll stop moving. I think I’d like to rest less and be more active.
I took this picture because it’s almost impossible to not take a picture when faced with this scene as I step out in the morning.
Feeling a little sorry for myself today. On the tail end of a cold and prescribed a stack of meds for my rib injury, I can’t tell if I’m well or not. I pushed myself to school this morning where the kids that did turn up weren’t in much of a mood to study so I just assigned a little writing and helped them with that and they were happy enough to comply so that they could quickly get back to having their own fun. By the end though I was deflated and decided to go home and assign some work for my last classes that they can submit online. I’ll be glad to get back to fighting fit and regular school weeks again. I think there’s only six weeks left now and everyone will be in wind-down mode.
The primary kids having sports day today. Knowing my own students wouldn’t be interested in studying today I quickly thought to organise them into groups and sent them off to the stadium and set them a task to do a quick interview with all the teachers. It gave the kids a break and a bit of fun at the same time. They did it really quickly and I gave them the rest of the class off. There are probably only six weeks of classes left and even they will be heavily disrupted. Half the kids have given up already, it’s just one big playtime.
The best thing about today was:
As mentioned above, the change of scene for the kids was also good for me. I had a lot of fun too.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Arriving at school to find the road blocked off and getting stuck in traffic felt a little annoying but my first class started at 10 so I wasn’t really in a hurry (just to get to that first coffee really!). I didn’t know what event was going on but then I saw all the primary kids and asked John and he told me it was their sports day which triggered the idea for my classes. There was another school sports day going on too as well as some other event for older folks dancing and singing out in the middle of one of the football fields.
Something I learned today?
Mission of Burma are one of my favourite bands and whilst listening to the End On End Dischord podcast heard mention of another podcast with all three members discussing their first album so I listened to some of that today which was immensely interesting to me. One major thing I didn’t know was that Clint Conley went into rehab just after recording that album back in 1982. This is minor trivia but because it is music that has such a deep connection with me it interests me a lot. If I learned anything completely life-changing today I’m sure it would’ve stood out.
What gives you energy?
I was just thinking today that I feel more energetic if I exercise more. Breaking out of lethargy is a battle that has a good reward. Other stimulants give me energy from medicines, drugs, drinks or food but they all have some downsides too. I also feel more energetic when there are things which I have to get done. When there’s little to do I end up doing little.
I took this picture because Tangmo didn’t come when I got home but about an hour later I found him here relaxing outside our door. He didn’t smell too bad today. Just like a dog rather than his usual smell of garbage and dirty water!
Pissing time away, money ain’t gonna save us Betting on a 7-2 combo down in Vegas A couple of lines will cut the time in half Make me laugh Johnny, make me laugh
Stroking beards ain’t the thing to be doing When the dancing girls are being flew in Shiny lights ain’t enough in this big city Make me laugh Johnny, I’m feeling shitty
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and lazy
Today I’m grateful for:
The free weed that Matt gave me. I don’t know when I’m likely to use it though as I don’t like smoking it and don’t often use it in tea. I also already have gummies which keep me happy enough and is easy to measure the dose.
The best thing about today was:
Waking up before my alarm with Kim Chi investigating a good spot to lie on me. She likes my hip but is disturbed every time I turn over. After I got up she quickly transferred herself under the doona on Amy’s bed and I had to get her out just so that she would eat. After eating she went straight back and was still there when I got home around 3 pm. She loves sleeping.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My classes were both pretty much out of control for the most part but I went with the flow and it really just meant taking longer to get things done. The kids are just excited at the moment with sports week coming up but I doubt if they will be settled after that either.
Something I learned today?
Thanks to Matt I learned where to buy kratom leaves and Nam Kratom. The bonus is that there are two beautiful lively friendly dogs there too.
I took this picture because yesterday Tamgmo played in the garden with his friend. No new pictures today.
I’ve been keeping my app updated more than writing here (on paper) and I thought this was the last journal book I have here so have been winding down. However, I found another book on the shelf so I’ll get back into this again.
I went to see Matt at lunchtime and he gave me a bunch of homegrown wee and sold me a couple more vials of acid. He may also have a lead on some more in Chiang Mai in a couple of weeks. We are the quiet fiends not bothering anybody!! Haha! He also clued me into a Kratom seller selling leaves and bottles of tea in Wiang Chai so I picked up a bottle on the way home.
We met at the cafe near Happy City golf course and were kinda surprised at all the Koreans in the cafe, coming from or going to the golf course. Somehow they looked very Korean, all wearing special skin patches on their cheekbones presumably to stop the sun from burning their skin and also reduce the glare in their eyes. They all looked perfect. It was strange to see them in this dishevelled old wooden shack of a cafe.
Classes today were rowdy but fun. It’s difficult to take things seriously at the moment as there are so many days off in the coming weeks and before you know it’ll be the end of the semester again.
Amy and I are missing each other. She’s been back in Oz for about 10 days now and we’re both still readjusting. Even this will be quick as a flash though and she’ll be back again just after her birthday.
Aing and Now will come again in a couple of weeks. I guess they have other friends around here graduating.
I’m trying to get back into a decent routine again but finding it hard. I’ve got my energy back. I think the longer-term effects of Covid have gone (as far as I can tell) so I’m trying to do a little more exercise in the morning.
I want to read more but find myself resorting to YouTube and just watching comedy. I guess I need to laugh.
A wife beater A woman hater A grinning smile A facade facile Every inch a man God his creator A good woman down A demonic clown A greasy spine A shiny veneer A bondaged mind Soon left behind A final punt A decade gone An unbecoming end Not even a friend
Today I’m feeling:
Tired yet satisfied
Today I’m grateful for:
Pure Bliss Kratom for getting back in touch with me so I can order from them again. I tried to order a couple of weeks ago but they had run out of packaging.
The best thing about today was:
Getting everything together for my work permit and giving it to Nancy. Not as difficult as doing my visa but still used to stress me out. Now it’s become more familiar and feels more comfortable. I was still glad to get this part done though. Next step is to take it to the department of employment and hand over money!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Two students asked to skip my class today to practice more for sports day. Eventually I said yes but knew that other students would then assume it was ok not to come and sure enough that’s what happened – the usual suspects.
Again, it made for a quieter class so that was a benefit. I marked those students absent so they will have to figure out why their grades suck at the end of the semester.
Talking with David I can feel he is frustrated by the lack of discipline at the school, not just students but with teachers too. He’s not so comfortable with the lack of structure and I get the feeling he might quit soon.
I can definitely feel my attitude has changed since I started teaching and also feel I may not be able to teach anywhere else after this. I mean, I’d have to teach properly!
Something I learned today?
Southampton beat Manchester City 2-0 which was a surprise. That will please my old friends back in Southampton.
What are your two favourite places to be?
Home
Anywhere else It’s here or there. Do people have favourite places to be? I like to be in the place where I am. Maybe I could say this:
Inside the body of a lover.
Inside the mind of a lover. Or
Standing in front of a maelstrom of music that is blissing me out
Lost in the words of a meaningful story. I guess there have been certain places in the world that hold a special meaning but they are not particularly places I would go out of my way to go to again. Certain places that were special because of a romance can never be visited the same with a new romance. Maybe I could say
Secondhand book shops and libraries
Secondhand music stores Yeah, I think that works.
No special picture taken today. This is one of Rich and Steve at Steve’s wedding that Rich posted online in commemoration of Steve’s passing in late December. Baby faces, amazing to see again.
The bathroom at House. I had to go into the city after drinking coffees and water at House and in the time from leaving to heading back school I was busting. I didn’t think I’d make it to school so quickly ducked back to use the bathroom at House – just in time!
The best thing about today was:
Eating the bread that Nut made and brought round yesterday along with the smoked salmon and cream cheese Amy left here. I’m so happy to have people around me to feed me!
Also talking with Amy on video call. Though she’s far away it feels like she’s right here. Conversation and communication hasn’t changed since she left, just the method.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I think it’s good that it’s getting harder to think of things that were out of my control. I don’t recognise those things so easily now as they don’t affect me, I’ve let go. Sure, there was lots that was out of my control today but it was all inconsequential. Can I say they were handled without even thinking?
Something I learned today?
Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken was written as a jest to his friend but has been turned, rightfully I think, into a call for individualism and taking chances. I like Frost’s quip ‘I’m never more serious than when I’m joking.’ Truth is often told in jest.
Where can you reduce clutter in your life?
Physically I’m relatively uncluttered these days. As I’ve gotten older, the spaces I’ve lived in have gotten bigger whilst I’ve been buying less. So the stuff I do have is just more spread out. Digitally I’m trying to reduce the clutter of my photos and music library. This has involved me doing nothing so far but knowing that this is where I can reduce clutter in my life.
I took this picture on Saturday because it’s all about the edges. Where the water meets the land, dividing it, where stories are made and bridges built. The mountains and the sky, clear division.
First full school day with no Amy. Back to business as usual.
Running around a little today getting together things for my work permit. So much paper waste in Thailand. 7 copies of every stamped passport page! Once this paper is filed it will never be seen again.
Good classes today, kids happy enough, teacher happy enough. I’m starting to sit back a little and can see some self-motivation from some of the students now.
Mum and Dad’s plumbing guy came and fixed up my pipe and it looks ok except for the hole in the concrete. I’ll have to figure out how to take care of it at some point I guess. Maybe just fill it with sand. Anyway, only around 600 baht to sort out. Happy with that.
Tangmo rolled around the grass as I caught up on watering.
Talked to Amy about the coming year and how things might work out. I think the seed has been planted to do something here but there are another 6-12 months for new ideas to pop up.
Unique DNA makes you What you are Primal inclinations Forces within Moved to action Mind grows A seed planted One time phenomenon
Inspired and borrowed from The Daily Laws by Robert Greene
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but happy and satisfied.
Today I’m grateful for:
The pizza oven at Bruno and Nut’s for quickly baking delicious pizza for me, Amy, mum and dad. Nut had prepared the dough and ingredients and we made our own pizza toppings. Bruno enjoyed talking with Amy’s dad and got us all invited to their home for a Chinese New Year celebration in a few weeks time.
The best thing about today was:
Seeing Tangmo and his friend running, playing and rolling around on our lawn as I was eating breakfast. It made me smile, these stupid crazy dogs having fun at our house. Just a few seconds later they were gone and I saw them running up the street in the distance.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The way I structured my last class of the day meant many students could take advantage and do as little work as they wanted but they needed to be ready when they were called. As it was the end of the day some students were keen to leave early and eventually when I called the next student they weren’t there, even though the class wasn’t over. I was a little disappointed but not surprised anymore. I was able to get some useful work out of maybe 60% of them and that would have to be as good as it was going to get. I need to think about a better way to keep the ‘free’ students occupied whilst I’m busy with others. I’m still a work in progress myself. Always learning.
Something I learned today?
Nut had prepared an Akha herb that I’d never tried before. It looked a little like a mini-sized mint and tasted a little like rocket with a hint of something which I’m not quite sure of. It was nice to munch on and add to the top of the pizza.
List three of your “greatest hits” from last year.
Greatest hits….? Hmm… In fact, a quick reflection doesn’t seem to generate any greatest hits particularly and I think that is a better place to be in. Having hits or highs would also mean having lows and I’d much prefer not to have those these days. But at a push…
Riding around the rice fields behind the airport was nice, especially at golden hour. I did a few trips there during the October holiday and really felt serene.
Another bike ride around the same time of year, this time with Bruno and across many mountains to the Burmese border and hanging out at a country school there.
Meeting, befriending and watching my new groups of students. Seeing them learn and grow even a little was very rewarding.
I took this picture because Fon brought her handmade cookies last night but I only saw them today. This is a great one of me from a picture taken just a couple of days ago. I bet I taste good too.
Amy and I went to Bruno and Nut’s for pizza dinner and Amy’s mum and dad joined too, Bruno’s invite. Despite being tired from lack of sleep I was in a good mood, even joking with Amy’s dad a little. It was quite noticeable to me that I felt different to usual and I couldn’t be too sure why?
It was a lively evening of talk, Bruno and I talking a little about European politics which I really don’t know so much about. I felt it was nice to be away from all that where we can just casually chat about things that don’t affect us directly like they used to.
Dog tired at home and into bed and wonderful vivid dreams, I woke up to pee at one point, happy knowing that I could enjoy some more lucid dreaming again before falling back into a deeper sleep. That’s one way to be positive about broken sleep I suppose!
Tonight is Amy’s last night here before heading back to Australia and I likely won’t see her again for six months. I’ll miss her but we are both happy and love each other. Time is nothing.
Why suffer to win a meaningless victory? The search for glory, the greater goal? Do we strive just because we can And winning fills the heart and soul?
inspired and plagiarised from Existential Comics
Poverty is not necessary. It is a social, economic and political failure, usually caused by a history of injustice.
Chris Tomlinson
This ends a year of finding quotes every day. I wrote them all in a book that I will gift to Hayden. I’m going to fill up the book with some choice lyrics that also inspired me.
Today I’m feeling:
Motivated and energetic
Today I’m grateful for: Well, I’m grateful for Amy again. Despite her being busy preparing food for a party at our house tonight she still made me pasta for dinner and enough to feed me for three more meals in the freezer. All her friends are happy to come here and enjoy Amy’s entertainment.
The best thing about today was:
Having that feeling of motivation again and not being too tired and lethargic at the end of the day. While Amy was busy I was preparing some lessons and discovering new worksheets and things for the kids to read and then also updating old entries for my blog and things like that. I’ve managed to keep going fairly well today. I hope I can keep it up.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At the party tonight I was actually expecting to be joining them and eating with them and didn’t realise that when Amy made dinner for me I was supposed to eat it quickly. I was hungry anyway so it didn’t really matter and when I think about it Amy planned well because she and her friends will be chat-chat-chatting in Thai.
I’m okay to just sit and enjoy everyone having a good time but I can’t really add much to the conversations and things like that, so it’s good that Amy allowed that I wouldn’t be part of the party although I was around and still talking a little bit with everyone. It’s nice not to have the expectation and to feel a bit like the odd one out.
Something I learned today?
Today I watched an interview with Andy Boreham and the ex-prime minister of New Zealand John Keys and they were talking about China, in particular, John Keys was talking about his experience of China and I pretty much had to agree with everything that he said and so I didn’t really learn anything new but just confirmed something that I already believed.
It’s okay to listen and watch things that confirm things that you already believe but also I’m interested in other arguments or a point of view.
I watched another video of someone whose reports I usually enjoy but this one, whilst it was about something that happened between China and America there was something that he was saying that didn’t feel like it fell in line with what I believe to be true. I wanted to understand his argument for the particular situation but because of other things that were said that seem to be common putdowns about China put me off wanting to watch any more about it.
It’s a shame because even people who seem to have a balanced view can fall into rhetoric or just follow what is accepted as fact when actually, if it’s not accepted by some people, such as myself in this case, then it affects what they are trying to argue. Maybe I would change my mind on his point but because of other statements around it, I was put off to listen further.
It goes to show how difficult it is for people presenting news and reporting to just stick with, I’m going to say facts but is it facts or just accepted truth? It’s difficult to judge for anyone now as a listener, as a watcher. We all get caught in this trap.
Write about your most embarrassing moment.
I’m struggling to think of something that was really embarrassing to me since I became an adult.
So, I can remember a time when it was a Christmas time family party and my grandad played a prank on me. I guess I was about 12 or 13. He was selling it as a seance and that he was contacting people from beyond. He had me rub my finger on the underside of a plate and then touch various parts of my face and apparently, this would help communicate.
After about 10 minutes they showed me a mirror and what had happened was that they tricked me and they had burned a candle under the bottom of the plate and obviously I was running my finger along there and putting soot all over my face and when I was shown the mirror and saw myself, I was so upset and unhappy.
I couldn’t believe that I had been made to look so foolish in front of the family. I hated my granddad for a long time after that.
I took this picture because I am the clown, the entertainer, and the teacher. These were the kids at the restaurant from a couple of days ago. I will drop some simple English books for them one day. No new photos today.
Dang! And back into it!
Two morning classes, push, push, make these kids work, no easing into things. They responded well enough and I feel satisfied. We know what to expect of each other on the battlefield as we push for a win-win outcome.
Some will be lost, maybe lost already. Some will return and be pulled into the unit by improving maturity.
I tried to encourage Poppy this morning by showing her a magic card trick but she wasn’t sure why I was doing that. I think she will go off and think about that a bit more. She needs attention, which she no longer gets as she lost her friends. I will try a couple more times. She’s hard-nosed and unsure of things but presents a tough exterior. I’m reminded of myself, of course.
1994ever 