Music from The Reactionaries, Alternative TV, Neutral Sons, Polvo, Peter Black, Hilkka, The Fartz, Elvis Costello, Captain Sensible, Rogues, Graham Parker and the Rumour, Radio Nepal, Orthrelm, Arcwelder, Guapo, Minutemen, McClusky.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to Oh and Namtan for letting me stay at their house last night. It saved me money and trouble and they are nice people.
All reading should be applied to the idea of living the happy life…words may become deeds.
Seneca
To-do list
Remember how much you enjoyed the drive today? Do that again! ✅
Take Oh and Namtan for coffee. ✅
Work through your exhaustion and provide good tuition. ✅
Do something nice for Amy today. ½
Do not complain – counter other’s complaints. ✅
Today was a very good day and I feel wonderful and happy. It started with 40 squats, a shower and reading before taking Oh and Namtan for coffee. We have a good conversation about books, reading, exercising and eating.
The drive back was very pleasant though tempered by some melancholy as many returns home can be. It’s never as exciting as the heading out into unknown adventures, no matter how small they are.
I was so positive that I was fine for the teaching and it went like a breeze.
At dinner, Amy and I chatted for a long while and I put forward the idea of how we could spend the perfect day together.
Tomorrow I hope to spend some time in my office – I love being there but feel somewhat disconnected from the house so I don’t usually stay out there late into the night.
We have some more students tomorrow but those lessons should be fun
Music from R. Stevie Moore, Alamaailman Vasarat, Kustomized, Sun City Girls, The Monkees, Flesh Narc, Beastie Boys, Cheer-Accident, Milk Burp, Different I’s, Logic Circuit, The Skatallites, Rebel Truth, GIRTH, Mahavita, Toy Dolls, The Woolies, Angelic Upstarts, Lost Nation and Bleach.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for our visitors who fill our home with action and variation. It’s nice to be able to share our experiences with other people.
From commonplace book
I’m much more interested in being a hero than a professional.
Billy Childish
To-do list
Get out of your own head and talk to people ½
Compliment people ½
Do something nice for someone
Upload TCRAH ✅
Write to Kieran and Chrissie ✅
Write blog about making friends
A busy and productive day – time ran away too quickly.
Mam and her family enjoyed breakfast and within an hour we had students.
I feel more confident today and have mostly pushed the negative from yesterday out of my mind. This was helped a lot by getting down my thoughts when writing to Kieran and Chrissie.
I was happy to receive a reply from Jochen. Well-considered and thoughtful ideas to my questions particularly about children. I look forward to composing a reply. He has also agreed to do some recorded responses for the podcast which provides me with the challenge to prepare and execute that.
I didn’t manage to do all the things on my list today, perhaps overreaching. I need to take into account that recording a new podcast can take up to three hours.
My self-control was only minimally tested today when Amy wanted to go to a local shop to buy some clothes for the funeral tomorrow. I was fine with this, to be honest – it was necessary. I do feel a little that I am sick at the moment though but mostly just dizziness and not affecting my mood.
We have a 5 am wake-up tomorrow and I hope I can get some extra sleep on the drive to Chiang Mai. I’m somewhat prepared with things to listen to on my phone and things to read. I don’t anticipate any other free time tomorrow.
Something I could have done better with today would have been to help Amy more with things around the house. I’m very lucky that she cooks and cleans for me all the time. It gives me lots of free time and I often feel somewhat selfish for that.
Amy was in a bad mood yesterday due to PMT. She confided with me today that she is feeling lonely due to her old friends here in Chiang Rai not quite having the same mindset as her so finds them quite difficult to talk to and to understand. Whilst I am fine here in relative isolation, she is finding it quite difficult. She has to rely on me to go and do things together and sometimes I resent not having enough time to myself as I am working all the time.
We both understand each other’s situation well enough but it is also something that Amy needs to address for herself.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the year that I have had. I have grown and adapted to adversity. Hopefully, I can understand my reactions to adversity in the future and deal with it in a less emotional manner.
Did it list
Read 3 chapters.
Contacted KL venue for WDS tour.
Talk with Kimi and Rosie.
Recorded another TCRAH.
Very out of routine due to parties every other night.
This morning I am filled with a quiet happiness. Determined to get up early on a Sunday and to do something, whether it be a walk, a meditation, writing or studying, I rolled out of bed, fed the cats and opted to walk to my favourite local coffee shop, Utopia.
As I prepared food for the cats a light rain appeared. Unusual for this time of year but accurately predicted by our weather apps for once. Undeterred, I set out. The temperature still cool but the minimal exertion keeping me warmed I chose to listen to a reading of a Chekhov short story. The relative quiet around made for clear listening to the beautiful words of the story as I walked through small fields of wet grass and aspiring mud. Was I still in Thailand or transported to that Armenian village?
Before I knew it I had arrived at the shop but it was too early and as I waited on the porch I listened to a primer on Nietzsche and then an imagined conversation between Fred and Jane Austen where, despite their differences they arrived at a philosophical agreement and appreciation for each others works. Inspired by this I contemplated how everyone is different but we must be able to find some common ground.
The Nietzsche primer mentioned his text’s difficult reading but also highlighted his humour. Something which I had not been previously aware of. Friends have told me they preferred to read works about Nietzsche rather than his own. I will try this approach sometime. Sometime when I can add those books to my ever growing library.
The shop opened and I lazily drank through 3 coffees which produced a wonderful buzzing awareness of all the subtleties around me. Soon an acquaintance of Amy’s arrived, a Thai lady who runs her own English school. As this was our first meeting we talked about our shared experiences with teaching here in Chiang Rai.
Coffee and conversation
I lead the conversation for a while before realising it was time to let her speak and so I asked questions about her school and so the conversation flowed. I set myself a small challenge to try to talk to a stranger every day and thought to myself that I can cross this off today’s challenge list and it’s not even 10am.
Later though, as I was walking home, the rain a little heavier than before, I realised that I had failed in another of my personal challenges. Inspired by a Tim Ferriss article I read this week I have challenged myself to not complain about anything for 21 days. To remind myself about this challenge I have started wearing a bracelet, the purpose being that every time you complain you have to swap the bracelet to the other wrist. I have made this doubly difficult for myself by choosing a bracelet that is awkward to attach to oneself with one hand.
As the bracelet effect kicked in I thought back to the conversation in the coffee shop and asked myself if I had been complaining. Despite my mind’s protestations and justifications I sadly realised I had, indeed, been complaining. Perhaps only mildly but there is a fine line between stating the facts as they are and infusing a negative into the narrative.
In fact, the hardest part of this challenge is actually recognising that you are complaining. So long as it pushes to the forefront of my mind more and more it will help me become more aware of my own words and to try to understand how someone might feel whilst listening to me.
The walk home was still wonderous as I contemplated all this and listened to the description of beautiful Masha and the joy and sadness the narrator felt. This description was thought-provoking as I also was feeling so happy with life, despite the fact I was getting cold and wet in the rain. The walk crowned by the view of the feathery grass that spikes alongside our driveway, suddenly weighed down by the heavy drops of water, pointing towards the path home.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be inquisitive. To want to constantly learn and understand myself. This morning I listened to a primer on Nietzsche which was interesting as an introduction because I don’t know enough about his philosophy. I then listened to an imagined conversation between Nietzsche and Jane Austen where there two apparent so different writers end up agreeing on many things. I walked to Utopia this morning too. A nice gentle walk and gave me chance to listen to these articles.
To-do list
Prepare Lazada order.
Upload TCRAH and record new ep.
Check more Wix options.
Read 3 chapters.
Next Thai video.
Install WP App and streamline Chrome windows.
WDS t-shirt options.
Dye hair.
Did it list
Uploaded TCRAH.
Read 3 chapters.
Walked to Utopia.
Talked with a stranger at Utopia.
Wrote blog post.
Stayed calm despite Amy being in a bad mood.
Missed a couple of days due to having George and Bee over on Friday and being lazy and hungover on Saturday. Did not do anything on my Saturday list so moved all to Sunday and still only managed half of them, though the day is not over yet.
On Friday I kept my challenge of playing with the kids so that I would get some exercise. However, after a while, they asked me to calm down. I was a bit rough and too competitive. I felt slightly aggrieved at that moment but did calm down some. When I thought about it afterwards I realised they were right. It probably wasn’t as much fun for them as it should have been. I need to learn about the consequences of my actions – even the small ones.
Music from Sebadoh, Hilarity Ensues, Primitive Calculators, Bastro, UK Subs, Mofungo, Paper Mice, Univers Zero, Self Evident, The Bevis Frond, Snakefinger, Tar Babies, Alright the Captain, Matt Black and the Doodlebugs, Khaddash, David Bowie, The Clash, Small Faces, Bad Religion, Big Block 454 and Unstoppable Sweeties Show.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for our beautiful house. I love living here with Amy. When asked if we have any more dreams for our life we don’t have any especially. Things we would like to do but not necessarily dreams to achieve. George said we are living our dream and that’s a nice way to look at it.
Music from Captain Beefheart, MIA, Danielson, Screaming Maldini, The Crowd, Lovely Little Girls, Bruno Nicholai, GISM, Sajjanu, Mason, Don Cabellero, Caroliner, Thingy, Thinking Fellers Union Local 282, Family Fodder, Teenage PHDs, The Girls, Soul Junk, Naked Raygun, Discharge.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have developed my friendly personality. I never used to be like this but have practiced hard and now have the self-confidence to talk to people openly.
To-do list
Talk to a stranger.
Compliment as many people as you can (sincerely).
Record new TCRAH.
Upload latest TCRAH.
Read 3 chapters.
Study some more Thai.
Sort some more CDs.
Did it list
Managed to do everything on my to do list today.
Talked with a stranger.
Complimented as many people as I could – Fern, Khawthang, Phuli, Sea, Prang, Amy.
Recorded new TCRAH.
Uploaded and shared latest TCRAH.
Read 4 chapters of Anna Karenina.
Studied a little more Thai.
Sorted CDs and music files.
Helped Amy prepare for tomorrow.
Got up before 8am.
Started looking at old writing etc.
I didn’t think I’d completed my to do list today but realised I did talk to a stranger, JaJa. She was sitting with her cat outside the copy shop. I complimented a few people today but realise I could compliment even more. It was good that it was in my mind though. Recording TCRAH felt a little rushed today because we are quite busy with other things – this meant that I didn’t get to experiment as much as I would’ve liked. Studying Thai at my own pace seems to suit me a little – if I can form that habit continually it will make me feel good.
Today I asked Kru Tam how she thought I was doing at my job. She gave me positive feedback saying she could tell how much I cared for the students to learn. She did imply that sometimes I have to pull back a little – I think that is more related to my expectations than to my lessons.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the beautiful sunrise I see every morning before school. It’s a reminder of the bigger things, the slow, slow movement of the universe. Nothing we can do but get on with it.
To-do list
Most important * Be mentally prepared for the toughest classes of the week.
Try to write email to Aaron during school hours – subject: books and kids.
Clear all the Daily Stoic reading windows.
Congratulate the kids on good work and good thinking.
Compliment one of the other teachers.
Follow up with Andrew about contact with Indra.
Clear some emails.
Study Thai for 30 minutes.
Did it list
30 squats and 30 weightless shoulder press
30 minutes study Thai – mostly prep
Maintained calm and happiness through two of the three tough classes today
I forgive myself for losing it for a second in that last class. How to stop from getting into that situation again? Maybe need to make my lessons more practical. I’m hoping the ClassDojo ideas lessons work out well for those classes.
Asked Kru Tam for feedback on my performance – she said she could feel that I was really keen to help the students.
She also advised me to try to give them more time and maybe make things a little easier.
Sorted some more files for TCRAH
Have an idea for TCRAH – to share the music files with a friend and get them to comment on the music, then incorporate that into the actual show.
Read some more Daily Stoic articles and closed a few more Chrome tabs
Unsubscribed from a blog – content was ok but I’m at the point of having to choose the ones I like best.
I’ve been considering what content I can put here as some of my personal thoughts and feelings about this particular place I am now living (and enjoying) could cause me trouble. It’s funny how Thailand is known as the Land of Smiles but often times it feels like the Land of Fake Smiles. Having a couple of years experience here now, I understand these reasons but cannot fully support a positive attitude towards it. This is the balance I am trying to find in my world.
Perhaps that balance has always been there even in the other places I have lived but I haven’t noticed it so much and oftentimes found myself in difficult or at least odd situations. I don’t ‘play the game’ very well still but I’m getting there. If this sounds like generalised waffle, I apologise. I will try to make an orderly composition of my thoughts at some point.
Out of one of the most difficult times I’ve had in Thailand I found myself keen to focus some energy into something personally (and somewhat selfishly) fulfilling. In what little downtime I had when I was pushing myself too hard preparing lessons for my grade 5 English class I would throw my iTunes playlist on shuffle and found myself quite enthralled at the collection of digital music I collected.
The randomness reminded me of those late school nights furtively listening to John Peel’s radio show under the covers, falling asleep as I lay hoping to hear the latest and greatest punk tunes in amongst all the other genres being pioneered. This exposure to many different styles of music laid the groundwork for events many years in the future when I was organising shows for bands in Sydney and subconsciously decided on mix billed being the best way for people to hear new music. Never a way to a successful financial business model, it kept my brain satisfied and able to calmly appreciate music I didn’t particularly enjoy, anticipating music that I would.
So it was that iTunes on shuffle kept popping up a classic tune (classic to me), a dodgy old punk demo, an experimental noise soundscape and a 60s garage rocker, with many things in between. Nothing really modern mainstream though. It’s amazing some of the music from my youth was considered mainstream back then. It shits all over what is mainstream now.
Anyway, digging this vibe I even ended up downloading a bunch of reggae and African music that Peel always used to play – just to try and get that reminiscence in full force. Things I may not listen to as a full recording of suddenly make a lot of sense squished in between things I was more familiar with. I ended up down many paths of discovery of experimental music from around the world – as opposed to ‘world music.’
With need of some distraction, I decided to put together a ‘radio’ show and upload the result to the Mixcloud platform. I mostly take the tracks as they were shuffled through iTunes and do a bit of back announcing. I also decided to play around a little with some of the songs and introduce some moments where I could read a paragraph or two from books from my shelves.
To give this odd mix a little focus I decided to target my audience to the university students at the local uni which is less than a kilometre away from where I am. I roped in a few of my student friends from there and also from my favourite local coffee shop, to do a bit of speaking and to have their pictures taken. So was born The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour and the push for musical world domination.
Gus, Mink, Nu and Aing – in the music library.
Understanding that my tastes are almost niche beyond niche I would not expect a huge audience for what I’m doing but really that is not the purpose. I do it for myself. I really enjoy putting it together and messing around with things, trying to come up with some new ideas for presentation. I’m contemplating how to do this mix in a live setting and finding a place to do it but I don’t have much time to practice that part as well as not having a completely reliable equipment setup. A new laptop is a little out of reach at the moment.
So, if you’ve read this far you may be curious to hear what these shows sound like? Or scared to find out. Either way, it seems like this is a good vehicle to post links to each show and also force me to write at least once a week as new episodes appear.
“Remember life on earth is but a flash of dawn And we’re all part of it as the day rolls on”
Music from Ween, Magic Mushroom Band, No Babies, The Ebonettes, goat, Andy Partridge, Acanthus, Banned, Hebosagil, The Yellow Payges, Bad Brains, Daniel Striped Tiger, Martin Archer, Teenage Depression, Mudhoney and Donovan.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I could do so many things yesterday and keep going even though I was so tired by the end of the evening. I kept a good attitude and wasn’t so anxious about things that I wanted to do compared with some things that I had to do.
Did it list
Encouraged Fern to learn to make my coffee at Utopia.
Got my haircut.
Uploaded TCRAH podcast.
Recorded new TCRAH podcast.
Prepared and executed a quick fun game for my two students today.
Got through a little of the never-ending sorting of music, on computer and CDs.
Wrote another blog post and enjoyed the process of writing.
Got passport photocopies done.
Rosie offered to do quick drawings and send them out as postcards. What an awesome idea so I asked her to do Jochen, Lachlan and Kyaw Kyaw.
It’s taken me more than a year and a half to recover!
When I returned from the CELTA training course I found my brain had changed. I seem to flip between data driven thinking and artistic thinking and often cannot find a good balance. The training was very linear and intensive (as it should be) and on reflection now, some 18 months later, was easier to complete than I imagined beforehand and during. The pressure to achieve was very high but that pressure mostly came from within. Now, I realise that I can turn my hand to anything if I wish to.
Of course, the circumstances since the training have mostly helped me arrive at this conclusion. First I started doing some free teaching with students from the local university. This gave me a little self confidence though I was often shocked at the students poor language levels, in the language they are studying for their degrees, whatever the subject. I can suggest to myself that I could probably easily complete a degree at the university here purely based on the fact I can use the language fully. Anyway, that’s by the by for now as I’m not really considering that as an option at the moment.
After a few months kicking around and enjoying much free time I ended up working with Grade 5 students at a nearby provincial school. I have a million stories from there, many which I would like to forget. I soon discovered the crazy dysfunction in the education system here. If it’s obvious to me, an unqualified teacher starting their first job then the system must be pretty poor.
I don’t intend to tarnish the education system as a whole as that would be unfair. The circumstances I was in influenced a lot of my impressions and I try to understand that what I saw was not indicative of other places. It was, however, the belief of many others teaching here that things are not much better elsewhere in the country. There are a million reasons for this and books could be filled trying to explain. The main down side for me was that I felt that I was unable to do a good job and provide useful learning for the students a lot of the time. I hate doing a bad job – especially when eventually someone else is going to suffer for it. So that was the other down side – watching willing students deal with the inadequacies of the system which lead to inconsistency in almost everything. Frustrating beyond belief.
Beyond that though I have found myself with a passion and love for the students that has made me incredibly happy. It’s a job that I really love to invest my time in and to go to work to do it. I’ll talk more about this in future.
Just a short one this time as I push myself to get back into this.
“Every heartbeat, every movement, every moment, every sigh.”
Gratitude Journal
I am so grateful and happy to go to school on Friday, which was hard as I had been sick this week and had a bad experience on Monday. The kids also drove me crazy and made me quite angry but I survived and talked to Kru Noon about strategies to get them to listen more. I will take her advice and try this next week!
The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #15
Music from Hamster Theatre, Super Thief, Infidel-Castro!, Arm, Kultur Shock, Captain Beefheart, Fugazi, Bogshed, Brainiac, Neon Rose, By The End of Tonight, Rafter, Huggy Bear, Jimmy Two Hands, Zu/Mats Gustafsson, Secret Hate and The Ex.
Music from Effigies, Cardiacs, mr sterile Assembly, Charlottefield, Goblin, Charming Hostess, Palberta, Lungfish, Yugen, Subway Sect, Helta Skelta, Hatfield and the North, Churn Milk Joan, Radio Delhi, Midori, Positively 13 O’Clock, Boy Wonder, Blood Brothers and Human Expression.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to the staff at the hospital this morning who took care of Amy after she fell over and hit her head. Nothing serious thankfully.
1994ever 