The year went by again Once around the sun And everything remained the same With the exception of one
In this world of déjà vu Everything has all been done The only difference is you You’re the exception
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and lazy. I seem to have fallen right into the holiday mood. After coffee this morning, where Boss made an appearance and I was able to wish him well for his business adventure, I watched football until lunchtime and then after lunch played Fallout 4 until it was time to leave for New Year’s Eve dinner at Amy’s parents.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Mini Big C at the Caltex on the way to dinner, where I ran in, in need of a snack due to dizziness and picked up a sushi triangle, a banana and a Snickers, all reduced in price so it only cost me 34 baht.
The best thing about today was:
Playing Fallout 4 without worrying about wasting time. It’s a very enjoyable distraction that I don’t usually treat myself to. I still have lots of old games from years ago that I haven’t tried to play yet. I figure there might be time…
Something I learned today?
‘Unconfirmed’ reports indicate that lots of weapons found in Gaza are Chinese. Well, how convenient! Twenty-twenty-four, or Twenty-twenty-war? Zoom.
I feel some consolation that fewer people are falling for Western propaganda these days.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Designated driver tonight.
I helped lay the table as others prepared food. Everyone understands my capabilities!
I took this picture because Cap came and sat on my T-shirt whilst I was playing Xbox. We looked everywhere for Tigger this afternoon and he had managed to sneak into the walk-in wardrobe and curl up in a box.
The little girl stares at my dress Telling me about my pretty hair Wide-eyed at the new world The little girl is just me, sitting there
She holds my heart in her hands As we both are looking up above Wondering what all the futures hold For the mystical creatures we will love
Today I’m feeling:
Exhausted still and a little uninspired. Bruno and Nut will come for a Christmas dinner later, hopefully I perk up a little before that. I’ve not been sleeping that well due to sore shoulders, maybe from lying down too much!
Today I’m grateful for:
All the work Amy did throughout the day to prepare a great meal for dinner this evening.
The best thing about today was:
Finding Tigger curled up in a plant pot, which still had soil in it. He was grumpy because yesterday I shampooed his head again and this morning I sprayed on some medicine to help clean up his wounds. He almost always takes himself off to get himself dirty again after I try to clean him up.
At the same time, Cap had somehow managed to open the door to the spare room and was curled up happily on the bed. Hopefully he hasn’t peed on it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy got upset at me in front of Bruno and Nut when I said I didn’t want any mussels yet as I was filling up on everything else. She took it as an affront to her cooking skills but that was not my intention.
There was nothing much I could do except sit there and take her sour words towards me which miffed me a bit as I was enjoying everything otherwise. I feel like she chose to take my words the wrong way and make something out of nothing. That’s not something I can control.
Eventually she lightened up again but still threw barbs every now and then. I’ll not get bothered by it as it happens occasionally and usually when Amy is drinking happily and suddenly something I say or do sets it off. I can’t predict it at all.
Since I don’t drink much anymore it’s just something I need to try and be more aware of in the future. My default is to be silent but that is not really a good ongoing strategy for communication between us.
Something I learned today?
New clothes are being developed that can regulate temperatures powered by flexible solar panels built into the fabric.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I bought some cheap drawing pads for Baipad today but rather than just giving them to her, contacted her friends Jan and Apple, and will give them the books, asking to add a Christmas message and once they’ve done that, to gift them to Baipad.
I helped Amy in the garden when requested and kept out of her way in the kitchen whilst she prepared food for our meal this evening.
I took this picture to try and capture the bubbles in this champagne glass, viewed from above.
Fairly good after an extra hour of snoozing then good coffee so that when Amy suggested going out for lunch that sounded pretty good to me. The air is already unhealthy due to burning but it’s not overwhelming yet. It will be soon unless a fire ban is implemented and followed up.
27th Feb 2024 – A fireban was implemented from 15th February until 14th April and so far the air is better than last year.
Today I’m grateful for:
Soulseek, it being the only place I could manage to find Prog 2000 of 2000AD which was a special edition at the time due to the end of the millennium. It has some parts of the stories that I’m reading in the regular edition but is difficult to track down online as it isn’t actually the 2000th issue and was just called Prog 2000. To complicate it more, there is a 2000th edition of the comic which came out around 2016 I think. I think the series is up to about 2500 issues now. I love reading it. I’m not even half way through. I reckon it might take me another ten years to get up to date with it!
The best thing about today was:
Lunch. We went up into an Ahka village nearby to try their food and just get out of the house. Perched on the side of a hill overlooking our valley was a wide panorama of hills, jungle and rice fields. We could see several plumes of smoke slowly filling the valley but thankfully it was on the far side. Above us the sky was still a bright blue. I felt relaxed and enjoyed stacking up on some calories. I resisted the urge to nap when we got home, instead settling into the hammock to finish reading the Clive James biography. Wuthering Heights is next in the pile.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I usually sit and read with my weekend coffees at Utopia but today Amy decided to come with me as she hadn’t seen Art since she got back. Knowing that my I wouldn’t have chance to read I could have been disappointed but instead decided to just enjoy the change in routine.
Something I learned today?
The average age of Palestinians murdered by Israel in the last two months is five years old. Zionism is sick.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Last night I dealt with the tokay in the kitchen (see photos), cleaning up its blood and still wriggling tail.
I cleaned out the water tank and also brought a mop and bucket of water to Amy when she requested it to clean the floor in the teaching room.
I drove us up to the Ahka cafe for lunch, and back again but my lack of funds meant that I couldn’t pay for the meal.
What do I like about this time of year?
Now is high season for North Thailand as the temperature during the day becomes bearable and the nighttime cold. But there is just a short period to enjoy this as the farmers fill the air with smoke from burning their rice fields. Now, at least, their is some breeze to stir it around to reveal blue skies but soon, once the hills come alive with fire, the air remains still and stagnant leaving it putrid brown and acrid. This should be the best time to enjoy being outside but sadly, gets reduced to being the worst.
Amy took these pictures. Last night Tigger brought this special gift and Amy was freaking out. I didn’t have my glasses on and thought I was looking at a freaky enormous dinosaur-style lizard, only seeing the tokay later. Tigger was quite proud but Amy wanted it out. After a bit of chasing around the kitchen I managed to grab it with some tongs and it hissed and spat its disapproval at me as I threw if over the fence. Then this afternoon instead of Amy brushing this little lizard off my back thought it better to take a picture.
A bit more lively than yesterday and with a little bit of tension knowing that I have a few things to do. Amy will go out for lunch with Aun so there shouldn’t be any interruptions.
Today I’m grateful for:
Poowanut at Heaven and Hell record store for immediately paying for a couple of copies of the Jornada Del Muerto LPs which I immediately got packed and will send to him tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
Getting everything done that I had planned. The day went way too quickly though. Even what feels like doing nothing in particular goes too fast and being bored is a thing long past!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This one happened to Amy but I got to hear all about it. As mentioned above Amy had planned to meet Aun for lunch but as it approached time to leave she called Aun just to double-check, who then said she was still in bed and hungover and could she cancel.
Amy was rightly annoyed and complained to me about this common occurrence amongst her friends in Thailand.
She blamed herself though, saying that she should’ve known better. As she continued I just kept listening and acknowledging her displeasure and she let it all go with a ‘better just to be by myself and not care about other people.’
Something I learned today?
My football team, Ipswich Town, making a bid to return to the top tier of English football lost their first game this season to West Bromwich Albion.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I smiled and acknowledged the old lady (she may not have been old) at Utopia in the morning. She gave me a nod and a smile as she left.
I committed to investing time and money in a new release for SpeechOdd and High Voltage.
A random guy had emailed me last week about wanting to buy a CD in my collection and though I really like it I figured I could track it down again and he seemed really desperate to get it so I decided to let it go today.
Another random guy had emailed me about making music together but he thought that I had made a song that was actually done by Trumans Water. I forwarded his message to the band and replied to the guy that I had done so.
What made me smile today?
Walking into Utopia after riding my pushbike from home, I smiled and greeted staff and customers with a smile because I was in a good expectant mood looking forward to that first sip of delicious coffee.
Seeing Cappuccino and Tigger curled up in the cat tree boxes.
Watching a funny video of a kitten running after a delivery guy whilst I was laying next to Amy in bed after having my morning shower.
I feel like I didn’t smile that much really even though I’m pretty happy today.
What puts me in a good mood?
Seeing my students. They can also have the opposite effect but in general, being around all the students at school makes me happy and picks me up.
Coffee helps too!
I took this picture because I managed to capture Cap’s blue eyes.
When I was a ghost, my eyes were never met Unknown, unspoken, unseen, unheard There I stood, three monkies wiser Until hearing the whisper of the magic word
A name on a page, a name in lights Is that me, is this real? Does a grain of sand on life’s beach Really understand what the ocean might feel?
You can see me and I can feel you Alone but never lonely, loneliness lost Spaces filled with words and chatter To balance it all comes at a cost
Tides are changing, shores are filling Days and nights are both illuminating The stories brought here remind me Of the sandcastles we’re all creating
Better than yesterday though still not quite awake, I feel. I had fun with all the kids at the flag ceremony this morning but need this first coffee for my first class.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the people who handled the parcel of records that got delivered safe and sound to me today from Turkey.
The best thing about today was:
Spending time and effort with one one-on-one reading with my grade 8 students. Both yesterday and today’s classes are a challenge and I think it is beneficial to spend even just five minutes one one-on-one as often as possible. I can only do this with about 6 or 7 students per one two-hour class though.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My final class of grade 7s was disrupted somewhat as one student told me that a few of them were supposed to go for football practice. I told them that they could go when they finished their work but unfortunately they struggled with the work and then as it rolled past the time they asked to leave they struggled with their attitude. Many students ended up 20 minutes late for their vans as I wouldn’t let them go unless they at least attempted the work.
The kids don’t know how to help themselves and the other classmates that understand are reluctant to help now as their kindness has worn thin. The students that slacked last semester will struggle this semester as I ask them to think more about their own ideas, beliefs and feelings. Things that they can’t ask the answers from other students.
I managed to remain mostly patient throughout all this. Mostly.
Something I learned today?
I just realised that the candy I’m eating right now have little tidbits of information on them and so I just learned that crocodiles can’t stick their tongues out. Fairly useless information for 99.5% of people on Earth but there we are. I learned that today.
If I could change one thing about my life, what would it be?
I can imagine that this would be something ridiculous like not having to sleep or being able to party without hangovers! Or not die until I’m ready!
Or that I still had youthful boundless energy.
If I could change one thing about my life I would have done it already.
Which side of the bed do you sleep on?
It seems that I am always the one closest to the door so that if anyone ever breaks in to try and kill us they will go for me first. I don’t know if this is a subliminal thing on Amy’s behalf or why that makes her comfortable but it doesn’t bother me. I can sleep on any side of any bed so long as it is comfortable.
Right now we each sleep in the middle of our own King-sized beds which is both ridiculous and amazing.
I took this picture because this old boy was waiting for me to finish exercising so he could eat. Tigger wasn’t far away either. I didn’t feed them as Amy wants to do it ‘her way’ which I know is just to get their affections! I noticed that by this evening both cats are no longer looking at me with expectation but at Amy instead!
Right now you are feeling so sad and down about life. One week ago today you took little Kim to the vet where they told you she would have to stay overnight. By the next day she was gone and on the following day you buried her next to the garage.
That first week without her has been hellish. With Amy away in Australia, herself suffering the sadness along with the inability to comfort each other, it feels like double emptiness. One little cat had made such a great impact on your own little life.
You try and fill the space with Cap and Tig but their own individual personalities don’t cut it. They have their own thing going on.
Along with all this is the terrible air pollution burning your eyes and giving you headaches. When you read this it will just be a memory and hopefully you are enjoying the clean fresh air at the end of rainy season and looking forward to winter. Don’t forget this though. This shitty air will come again. Be prepared.
As the ghosts of Hellcat still haunt you, slowly this pain will dampen and I hope that all you have now are the best memories of little Kim Chi and all the love she brought to you. Like all that you’ve lost in your life – mum, Steve, Kimi – they were special.
This is hard to write. I’m sitting here in Utopia feeling a little like not wanting to go home and be surrounded by the memories. It’s the holidays now and not wanting to go out into the foul air means staying home and subjecting myself to the constant reminders of that bright-eyed little one.
I hope you are feeling better mate. Shaun from the past
Today I’m feeling:
Aching all over. Old muscles must’ve been activated yesterday. I slept well enough and woke up before my 8 am alarm but feel like today may need a nap to catch up fully.
I was dizzy drinking my coffee and have come home and got back into bed! I don’t feel sleepy, just tired.
Today I’m grateful for:
Yesterday! Despite my tired body, I feel great, especially after a two-hour top-up of sleep. Slowly I’m feeling (and seeing) the benefits of my exercise habit.
The best thing about today was:
I enjoyed playing guitar today and ended up playing for about an hour and a half. I didn’t do a whole lot of anything else much otherwise though. No exercise at all today. Give my body a chance to recover.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Around 2 pm I decided to go out to the shop next to Utopia to get my favourite dish, Lard Na, but when I got there the lady said she’d run out of the crispy noodles. She provided a solution in Thai that I didn’t understand but agreed to and waited with some trepidation. But I shouldn’t have worried because the thick rice noodles she used she had added an egg too which had gone crispy and tasty, all buried under the usual sauce, tofu and veggies I like.
Something I learned today?
I watched a couple more episodes of The Making of Apocalypse Now and understood more the parallels of the history, the movie’s story and the making of it. The crew went through their own kinds of hell to make it possible. Quite an impressive feat and one of my favourite movies.
What do I hope to achieve someday?
100? To wake up with no aches? Recognition, immortality, legend?
Complete 100% satisfaction and happiness?
I feel like I don’t have any real goals set to tick off any achievements and now I pass the mantle on to Hayden and my students. They have potentially more future ahead of them than I do and my hope is that they achieve some of their dreams and wishes.
I took this picture because this little buddy was pleased to see me again and quickly presented her belly for rubs.
Autoscroll with the eyes Swipe right for a surprise Emoji conversations Anti-social innovations Everyone just a click away What was learned today? A new world record recorded One second, triple crown awarded Today’s winner of the internet Is so easy to forget But you either follow or lead The new social etiquette agreed
Today I’m feeling:
As enthusiastic as the weather which is dull and grey. Not unhappy though. As I sit drinking my coffees I contemplate the day, where I may watch yesterday’s AFL grand final, play guitar, read and read and read and possibly vacuum through the house, though that is bottom of the list. I’m contemplating the week ahead and have to go to get medicine tomorrow morning, do some shopping and get some more lesson plans ready before travelling next week. And right now I’m wondering when my washing will ever get a chance to dry.
(Later) Sun did eventually crack open the sky but not quite enough to completely dry my sodden pants and towel.
Today I’m grateful for:
The vacuum cleaner and the excellent work it did following me around sucking up lizard shit and cat hair. I feel like I can pretend a room is clean if it’s been vacuumed. Just don’t look too closely.
The best thing about today was:
An afternoon visit to Utopia for a little extra buzz to push me through the nap stage and spur on my cleaning enthusiasm.
I also bought a 30-baht light switch and replaced the dimmer switch in the living room because the dimmer switch only works with old-style bulbs. The fluctuations of voltage in the house blows the bulbs too often that it’s annoying to keep replacing them especially as they also getting harder to find in stores.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As I was talking with Amy this evening I realised that this coming week I would need to walk Leo in the mornings and afternoons but had planned to go to work and just hang around a little while and then come home (or for tomorrow go to get new meds at the hospital). This would mean two trips to the city each day which would work out expensive petrol wise. Amy seemed a little annoyed when I mentioned this and she was already tired and ready to sleep and didn’t want to have to think about it further.
In the meantime I think what I will do is do the double trip tomorrow, hang around at House on Tuesday until the afternoon and then on Wednesday I have a plan to meet Bruno and some of our old students for lunch so hanging around isn’t a big deal. Then on Thursday, I can take Leo to Oil’s pet resort as that was the plan when I was away anyway.
Something I learned today?
Collingwood won the AFL grand final yesterday. It was a tight game and Collingwood have probably been the best team this season but still, unless you’re a Collingwood supporter, everyone else supports their opponents.
What do I want to focus on this month?
My focus is on keeping my head on straight, not stressing about the changes ahead and enjoying my holiday.
Outside of that, I’m kind of excited to prepare some new lessons for next semester. I know that sitting down and starting that is the hardest part and once I get into it the ideas start flowing.
I took this picture because Tigger is a photogenic cat.
Remember when then was now? You couldn’t wait to get to here And now you’re here, your desire is for then again As the past became more clear
Today I’m feeling:
Less achy than yesterday but also slightly more tired. I did do 100 jumping jacks to try and undo an aching lower back. It kinda worked but need to stretch it some more. Yesterday I didn’t read the book I planned, opting for comics instead. I also didn’t play guitar. Lazy. Today I had planned to go and visit Matt but don’t think I’ll make it. Lazy. My motivational drive is all over the place.
By the time the long lazy day had passed (still too quickly), I got a sudden burst of lesson planning on and now my mind is whirling with ideas for classes when I should be winding down and preparing to sleep.
Today I’m grateful for:
The bananas that Amy’s mum gave me last week. I’ll finish off the last two tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
Just going at my own pace and waiting for drives to come. It still didn’t come for playing guitar today unfortunately and I think it is because my lower back is sore and sitting and playing guitar compounds it. I’ve also felt a little disillusioned with listening to music but that’s mainly because I want to read and find that difficult when there is music on. Lesson planning I can do at the same time though and when the music started I loved it and wondered why I was holding off. I need to listen to more music more intentionally again.
Something I learned today?
I was looking for something that I watched today to jog my memory about something I learned today. I went back to a classroom management video and from there ended up in the YouTube rabbit hole. I learned about one strategy that may be worth a try with my grade 7 students next semester, though would have been better at the beginning of the year. I had a plan before the start of the year but then forgot all about implementing it!
Quote: Learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference – Marcus Aurelius.
This quote can also tie in with the legacy question today. No matter what you might wish for with what you try to influence, it is out of your control. Trying to keep others in your control is to punish them with your ego.
I am constantly learning about the things in my control and becoming indifferent to what is outside. It is a practice that will never be perfected but must be continued.
This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to make a difference in the world ourselves but it is up to other people whether they get anything out of it.
What is my legacy?
I think I’m not that egotistical to expect to have any real legacy. I know that I have had some influence over various people’s lives and hopefully inspired others from time to time. Sometimes that was my purpose but mostly I was doing things just for my own pleasure.
After a generation or two, I don’t expect anyone to repeat my name but I’m still satisfied with everything I do and have done.
I took this picture because it sums up the day. Soon after this, a dark storm stuck around for the whole afternoon bringing the night sooner than expected.
A red light when there’s no one around What a dilemma for the righteous philosopher! “Go, go, go, go”, the passengers cried Out of nowhere, a truck obliterates them all
Pretty good. A little run down from a weirdly exhausting day and I’m not excited for the rest of the week. All my classes were simple but the last one of the day is always a little frustrsting as these impatient grade 8s want to leave as soon as they can. Me too!
Today I’m grateful for:
The plentiful snacks I have around that have carried me through my busy early evening with taking to the vet again for one more blood test. I’m grateful he’s all back to normal too.
The best thing about today was:
Having to take Tigger to the vet meant more time to listen to podcasts. The day has been good (apart from the news below) but nothing really stood out as being the best. Another day in a string of reasonable, positive happy days.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Talk is that for this coming holiday will only be ten days. I’ve already booked my flights to Australia and will be going anyway. It may mean losing some pay but no matter. David was quite disheartened by the news especially as last year we had four weeks holiday. I laughingly told him to fix his attitude and turn it around to ‘at least we have ten days holiday’ but I can understand his disappointment. It’s been a tough semester and he has the two terrible grade 8 classes that I had last year. It’s tiring for real.
After getting the good news that Tigger’s blood is back to normal I called Amy to give her the good news. In turn, she told me that along with Grandmum not eating, her dad was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer and will need to go for chemo. This will all put a lot of strain on her mum and also puts my travel to Australia in jeopardy. Bad timing but what can we do? I’m not so fussed about having to change plans or losing money on flight tickets but more dejected about the ever-increasing number of upcoming funerals that lay ahead.
What do I complain about the most?
As an English person I have no idea what I complain about because I am not conscious of ever doing it. Even I notice how much other English people complain!
I ‘think’ I don’t complain about much these days but now that I am writing about it I know the sad truth.
The thing I complain about most is my student’s behaviour. This I can accept as they are aged between 12 and 16 and I know what I was like at that age. It’s just behaviour, not the person. What I really would complain about is adults behaving in the same way. I don’t hang about many adults now pretty much for this reason. Other adult’s bullshit is tiring. They don’t have the excuse of being a teenager anymore.
And I know that the same criticism can be levelled at me too. Another reason not to hang around with adults. When I fuck up like that with my kids it’s all forgotten and forgiven in the same way I would do for them.
I’ve been really struggling with pictures recently as my focus has been more internally focused over the past month or so. Things within my vision are not catching my eye throughout these days of repetitive actions. I need to add some variety into my days to change that but I’m mostly happy doing what I’m doing. This has given me an idea though. Anyway, here’s another picture of the pup from a couple of days ago.
With a hammer in hand Chiselling at the stone Crafting at the life planned In one’s thoughts alone
Painting cloudless skies To fall down to this earth Daydream a new surprise Meaning defines its worth
An artist in every way Reflecting deep-held traits When words can never say The statue silently states
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good but in some pain. I fell asleep on my back last night which was pretty unusual for me but I soon woke up needing to pee. Back to side sleeping, my shoulders ached me awake again a few times so when my alarm went off I wanted to sleep a bit more but then I was feeling pain on the left side of my jaw as my rotten teeth decided it was time to tell me to go back the dentist. With needing to pee again it was time to get up. I still managed to motivate myself with a 100 star-jumps and out to have a day of coffee, reading and ironing.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to watch a funny podcast on YouTube that made ironing 17 shirts more pleasant than normal.
The best thing about today was:
I found out Hayden has a new girlfriend called Vashti and I was surprised to hear that she is Aboriginal. I’m not sure why I find that surprising. I only ever met his first girlfriend who was a stereotypical pretty blonde-haired blue-eyed girl. He sounded very happy today and looking forward to his new job doing support work which he is hoping to start in the next week or two.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In general, the garden is out of my control or more specifically it is too big and I’m too lazy to get it under control fully. My priorities lay elsewhere. Handled by Amy asking if we needed the gardeners to come again to which I replied ‘Yes!’
Something I learned today?
Having removed a ton of YouTube subscriptions I returned to Little Chinese Everywhere and Yan’s journey from Europe to China. This time she was in a small Georgian village nestled in amongst rolling green mountains. One particular interaction stood out to me when the old lady owner brought breakfast and Yan said thank you in Georgian and the old lady gave her a hug and said thank you in Chinese. It reminded me of the goodness within most of humanity.
What mystery fascinates me?
Ultimately the mysteries of the truths of the world. Growing to be more aware of histories written by victors or manipulated by those in a position of strength I’m left contemplating what it is that I know that is true. So many lies are so often repeated these days and so much information and counter-information is available. What is it that I should believe?
Mysteries of origin, the universe, the planet, humanity. How can it not entertain the mind? The existential mystery of meaning.
The mystery of what I will eat tomorrow.
I took this picture because I found Tigger sitting here in the unkempt grass and though his colour is stark against the green in this picture he somehow blends in and would be difficult to spot for unsuspecting critters wandering by. Here he just seemed to be enjoying the sun after dinner and looking a little majesterial.
1994ever 