Tag: time

Dodging A Bullet – 15th May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Never not the same, always
The same, the stubborn stays
Beating chests, off with the shirt!
Myself may be all I hurt

A little bit unusual, quirks
Quietly, and in the corner lurks
Watching, loving the success
At being the worst, being the best

A screw-up, never succeeded
At joining in, as normal receded
Into the dark, I remained on my feet
Offbeat, walking my own street

Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – Offbeat (hence making the phrasing a little off!) and inspired by another entry there from A.M. Moscoso

Today I’m feeling:

A bit better again today, maybe at 85%.  Struggled getting to sleep last night, maybe because I had slept so much the day before, thinking about classes and students and how things slowly change.  I miss all my students in one way or another.

Today I’m grateful for:

Firstly, to the uni students at the PTT station who tried to help me put air in my bike tyres.  Unfortunately, I think I fucked the tube by riding it there in the first place so nothing worked for it.

Secondly, to dependable 100-year-old uncle who replaced the tube for me, jabbering away at me about things, indicating that the tyre on the bike is too small.  I didn’t want to remind him that it was him that put it on there!  He also said that he could replace the starter battery but I told that that would have to wait until next month when I have more money.

Talking of which, the SpeechOdd/High Voltage records are due to be sent to me from the factory in Taiwan and I’m hoping not to get hit with too much customs tax.  I also still have to pay for the cover printing too.

The best thing about today was:

There was a very good atmosphere around the school today for the last day before cracking down to studies.  

Even though I could’ve gone home at 9 am I went to the cafe until midday doing some writing and lessons and then went back to school where I was greeted by students everywhere I went, I guess as I know many different students from grades 8 to 12 now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It was an ominous sign when arriving home to see two trucks from our internet provider out on the road and sure enough, there’s been no internet at home again since the afternoon.  

Time to read or catch up on other things instead.

Something I learned today?

A jiffy is an actual unit of time, defined as 1/100th of a second.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I met Fui by chance at House this morning and he told me about a school in Bangkok that his son passed the exam to enter so I got the details and passed them onto Anchan.  She would have lots of hurdles to face to pursue this option but at least she can be armed with information.

I complimented Kru Mai on his outrageous shirt today!

What emotions do I feel when I think about my future?

At the moment I feel pretty calm even though the future is uncertain about which direction it may go.  I’m calm because I think I can deal with it whatever happens.

These days I get more stressed and disconsolate when I think about the futures for my students.  I was thinking about this when I was talking to Fui today in connection with Anchan.  A smart kid who knows that she needs to get out from where she is to improve her future but can’t afford to.

When you are struggling to afford new uniforms or lunch day to day, you can’t even consider going to Bangkok to take a free entrance exam for a better school (and think about even cheap fees and cheap accommodation – anything above 0 baht is out of reach.)


I took this screenshot from a video because iPhone called me over to be in the background of her video that she posted on Instagram. She didn’t let me down gently when she said that I won’t become famous!

Subterranean – 5th May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 15 Comments

Like Jack, I ran quickly from my dreams
Eager to discover what it all means
In the moment, exploring the themes
Is anything at all what it seems?
– Put it down on paper
– To review this endless caper

I found a box and put time inside

Was it living or was it writing?
It’s only myself that I’m fighting
A jazz dance in the underlighting
Each pair of eyes met, newly smitten
Fresh fruit waiting to be bitten
Another story begging to be written
– Late nights spent on the town
– Running home to get it down

I found a box and put time inside

And when I meet my future me
I’ll open the box to look and see
Words pressed, sentimental free
Whether tragedy or victory
– Presented here from me to you
– A diary of everything I do

I found a box and put time inside

Submitted to No Theme Thursday and dVerse Meeting The Bar (bop poem)
Inspired by the movie The Subterreans, based on the Jack Kerouac novel of the same name, where one of Jack’s girlfriends criticises him for always running off to go and write about the events of the night whilst he could have stayed and enjoyed more adventures. For some reason, this interaction always stuck with me.
Either way, WordPress provides a box of time for our future selves.

Today I’m feeling:

Anxious this morning. I woke up well before my alarm thinking about going to Bangkok and preparing for school next week.

Starting to relax a bit as I wait for the plane as I leave control to others for an hour or so until landing again.

Today I’m grateful for:

The crazy mixed-up rail options in Bangkok for helping learn more about getting around and gauging travel times. It’s also helped me achieve 10,000 steps easily.

The best thing about today was:

Meeting old friends and new ones at the show tonight.  First Nampan and Pam from SpeechOdd. 

Then Team, who is a young uni student that contacted me last week trying to make connections to put together a screamo band. Later, another young guy called Poom bought some screamo from me so I introduced them to each other.

Of course, I met Arwith and his bandmates in Piri Ries.

I met Sano-san from Low Fat again and exchanged CDs. 

I briefly talked with Fern who is the owner of the venue.

Nampan introduced me to the High Voltage folks.

I also met one of the guys from ADxHD (Korea) who also plays in Struggle Session (China).

Another guy came up to me and asked if I was Shaun and if I remembered him? It was Sasha from Russia! I met him about nine years ago in Kuala Lumpur when we were both staying with Kimi!

It is a little sad to think how small our world is because it feels like there are so few of us interested in this music. But it is amazing to bump into random connections anywhere in the world.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Just my sweat. Thankfully I bought an extra pair of clothes as I was expecting this.

Something I learned today?

Coming from Don Muang, don’t get off the train at Chatuchak for Chatuchak market! Even the nearest station at Bang Sue is a fair walk.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I left some stock free of charge at Heaven and Hell. Poowanat gifted me a CD in return.

I sold some merch at a discounted price at the show and also gifted the venue the Trumans Water and Flesh Narc CDs.

I took this picture because I finally got to see SpeechOdd play.

Life Interrupted – 3rd April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Let me interrupt your party
Lately, you’ve not felt so well
A niggle, an ache, a groan
A faint, a fall, a dizzy spell

Within your home I duplicate
It’s my standard procedure
Silently waiting ’til I’m ready
And enforce a shutdown seizure

I’ve come to stake a claim
For which you have no answer
I think you know my name
…

Submitted to FOWC with Fandango — Interrupt and NaPoMo.

Today I’m feeling:

Like time is running away too fast.  I should not waste what I have been given.  But is any of it worthwhile?  Well, it has to be.  I convince myself.

Today I’m grateful for:

The man at the bottle shop who put the tray of soda water onto the back seat of the truck for me.

The best thing about today was:

Taking Baipad and her neighbour Butter (another one, a boy this time, though quite effeminate) up to the University to teach them to ride a motorbike.  

Baipad struggled but Butter picked it up quickly.  It was only after talking with them both a little more I discovered that Butter had learned how to ride a pushbike but Baipad never did.  Butter still has a bike so I told Baipad to practice on that as soon as possible.  Better she falls off that than a motorbike.  

After a few more goes Baipad improved every time but she needs to practice more to get her balance worked out.

Something I learned today?

The current Zionist-enforced famine in Gaza is the highest number of people ever recorded as facing catastrophic hunger.  Worse than Darfur, Somalia and Yemen.  

Israel teaching the world how to genocide.  The irony?

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I fixed the hose with the new connector that Amy picked up.  Works perfectly again.

Teaching riding a motorbike to a couple of 15-year-olds.

What’s one thing I can simplify?

I have simplified a lot over the last few years.  As my main focus now is teaching I think that I could simplify my classes for my students, though more importantly for myself.  

Sometimes I overestimate the ability of my students and with the usual disparity of skill levels in a single classroom it is a delicate balance to try and keep everyone happy.

I took this picture because one day these kids will look back and remember when they didn’t know how to ride a bike.

Nobody Knows – 11th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 23 Comments

“Why does Spring once again offer its green clothes?”*
A break from the darkness, sprung from where nobody knows

Clinging to warmth on those dark winter nights
Hiding under covers as daylight dallies. Nobody knows

where the world is heading, these paths to be unmuddied
Always turning, the coming and going. Nobody knows

when the lights will turn off, green concedes to the dark again
Again, again – why the black dog barks, nobody knows

These clouds shower down a ridiculous rain
As I long for the green, now gone where nobody knows

*From Pablo Neruda’s ‘Book of Questions’
Shared with dVerse Meeting The Bar, a ghazal somewhat meeting the criteria!
31st Jul 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty bright and positive.  

My lower back is sore from sitting in the cinema for three hours and this morning a bit of tooth, or porcelain (I don’t know what is mine anymore) broke off whilst eating yoghurt and has left it very sensitive.  

I have an appointment on Thursday anyway so hopefully I can hold on until then.

Today I’m grateful for:

The positive feedback that I’m getting on some of my poetry.  I’m also grateful to have found many prompt pages and ideas around poetry forms which I’m enjoying trying out.

The best thing about today was:

Watching a group of various students, some of whom I knew, bonding together as there are few students around this week.  They were bonding by playing truth or dare and a drinking game, though with an assortment of soft drinks, of course.

Still, it is obvious to me where that idea will lead.  What can I say, that’s what we all did at that age.  You live and learn, hopefully without anything untoward happening.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It was a little annoying that all my first class turned up in the classroom this morning which meant I had to stay around for a while and babysit them, though I took time to visit the other classrooms too.  

All of them were lazily playing on their phones or making up their own ideas of fun.  

I managed to get out about 30 minutes early at least.

Something I learned today?

Britain mocked France and Egypt when they were building the Suez Canal until they realised what a benefit it was for them to be able to get to India two months quicker than previously, in case there was another uprising there.

When Egypt soon came unstuck and wanted to sell its share in the canal, Britain eagerly snapped it up.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I offered some emotional support to Praew who has become slightly isolated in her class recently. 

Also to Kwang who told me that her mum, who is in Bangkok somewhere, has blocked her phone calls.  I don’t think there is any animosity in it but it must suck to know that your mum is too occupied with other things to take your calls.

I took the motorbike for a little ride, sticking in some petrol and charging up the battery a little for Amy as she wanted to go to the market tonight but hasn’t been able to use the bike since it needing to be kick-started on its back stand. She’s too little to pull the bike up onto it though I reckon she could if she really needed to.

What is one thing I want to learn more about?

I’m watching a video about RipX DAW and reminded that I still need to learn more about using a DAW, particularly the one I already paid for (Ableton Live – which has been so long since I tried it that I had to look up what it was called!) and bought a midi keyboard to use with it.  

I’m really interested to do it but can see that it involves a lot of time investment that I don’t really have enough of at the moment.

Sarah took this picture of Ozone because she stole my phone out of my pocket as Praewa dragged me off to dance on the other side of the room. As she filled up my phone with pictures I only found three worth saving at the end of the day.

Hypnotic Show – 13th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

The sad eye hypnotic
Traverse its monthly blinking
Cool, translucent, exotic
The wolf wanders thinking

From enchanted light
To hands held, no glow
A billion years of night
And this sad hypnotic show

Moonwashed Musings

Today I’m feeling:

Healthier and more positive.  I still have some lurking sore throat and stuffy nose but the tiredness has dissipated for now.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s mum who gave us bananas from her garden and we gifted some to Auntie Sue next door when we got home.  More food grows here than anyone can eat.

The best thing about today was:

Watching all the students that dressed up for the Chinese New Year event.  All the primary kids looked super cute and I was particularly taken by one boy who was part of a dance group on the stage who was really into it.  He couldn’t stop himself from dancing to all the other acts even after being done on stage.  I like the traditional Chinese dress more than Thai.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Kru Paul mentioned today that they were having a party this week for the primary sub-director as he said she was retiring but then he went on to say that she would become the department head for English next semester in high school.  Meaning she would be our boss!

I wasn’t sure if he was pulling my leg to get a reaction but I played along, saying that I hoped she wouldn’t expect good English from the students as the primary kids are better than most of our high schoolers due to exposure to so much English whilst there.

I was sufficiently intrigued about this possibility though that I talked to Kru Mai and asked him who would be the department head next semester and he said that it would still be him.  He then went on to say that he’s thinking to spread out our classes next year so that I won’t have to teach grade 7s so much.

I had been thinking to mention this to him previously so I’m glad it’s already something he’s thinking about.  However, anything can happen.  I don’t even know if they will still want me to work there next semester yet.

Something I learned today?

I learned that Funfai is three-quarters Chinese!  I wasn’t particularly surprised at this as she has stereotypically beautiful almond-shaped eyes.  I often forget how much Chinese influence there is here in north Thailand.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My grade 10s were exhausted from selling food at their stall all morning and when they turned up for my class they pleaded for me not to teach.  As it was a one-hour class and I was just prepping them for their full 2-hour class tomorrow I acceded to their demands.  They promised me that they would work hard to complete everything tomorrow.

I took this picture because I took these girls’ phones from them as they weren’t concentrating on doing my work. As I did this BB, on the left, grabbed my phone off my desk and took this selfie with Tulip. I got my phone back and then proceeded to fill Tulip’s phone with hundreds of random photos as punishment.

A Rusty Old Thing – 11th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

It used to be so important
Now it doesn’t mean a thing
The shine has turned to rust
Nostalgia is all it can bring

Never thought it would be forgotten
It’s influence ran so deep
Then it was replaced by another
And now just something to keep

Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Timeworn

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty exhausted but happy to relax at home and doing bits and pieces in my room.

(Later) I’m tired but not sleepy, already in bed at 7pm and will do some Thai study, book and comic reading.

Today I’m grateful for:

Old cardboard boxes and, in turn, for online shopping that means we also have them laying around to use to pack on the rare occasions I get online orders through Bandcamp.

I’m also grateful to the guy at the car wash who helped me with the air pump to put air in my pushbike tyres. I was confused because it didn’t seem to work as normal.

The best thing about today was:

Playing guitar after a few days break. I sometimes wish I had learned when I was younger as now my old fingers easily forget and get lost on the strings and for not playing for a couple of days it felt a little like starting again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing significant springs to mind. 

Something I learned today?

Utopia will close for three days next week as they and the Daytripper staff all head up to Phu Chi Fa for a couple of nights camping. What about my coffee!? Actually, it looks like it will be Monday to Wednesday so I should be safe!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I chatted with Noey at Utopia for a while, encouraging her to talk with the farangs that come into the shop because she has never seen snow. Maybe if she can catch a farang he can take her off somewhere to see it!

I rescued P’ti when he escaped from Utopia and held him while he ate some grass and sniffed the air for a while. He seemed satisfied with that for a while before disappearing into the back rooms of the shop.

What’s the weirdest object in your studio/home/office?

Weird? 

Office: A CD that comes in a stone package? 

Home: Two King-size beds in the bedroom?

I don’t know… my weird seems pretty normal to me. I don’t know or much care what other people think.

I took this picture on Saturday at Wat Chaloem in Lampang. A beautiful day for a bit of a hike up this mountain.

Time Tester – 7th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Distilling War and Peace into a 15-second TikTok
Surely something is lost
We’re paying for our own dumbing down
Unable to understand the cost

Did you find a virtue in your scrolling?
Fingertips raw and red
No longer is anyone listening
Because nothing is being said

There’s no glitter to the wisdom past
And thinking has been removed
The truth is further from our experience
And unlikely to be improved

Submitted to MindLoveMiserysMenagerie

Home Workouts Workout — Morning functional strength training

Today I’m feeling:

Awesome. I felt especially good after my short chest and arm exercise this morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Our car. I say this because I often see old cars around that I would like to own but remember all the trouble I always had with old cars, except for The Rocket, and how unreliable they could be. So that got me thinking about how grateful I am for our little boring Nissan that keeps going despite the daily thrashings I give it.

The best thing about today was:

Getting things done in the garden and cleaning the moss from around the teaching room using the high-pressure hose. I’m really tired already but it provided a great sense of achievement also topped off with mala soup and grill.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I lost my cool as Amy badgered me for help and then started (what felt to me like) talking down to me like I was a kid. We were outside and I kicked a nearby bucket away in frustration, which then, of course, got her upset too.

I almost immediately just found the situation funny but Amy was very upset and gave me the silent treatment whilst I tried to make it up to her.

Something I learned today?

I watched some videos of the recently released City Skylines 2 video game. It looks very good but I could immediately see how much time would need to be sunk into it and it’s time I would rather spend with other things these days.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My vile deed was losing my cool with Amy and I’m disappointed with myself because it was nothing really. I’m still trying to make it up to her but she hasn’t quite forgiven me yet.

This morning I just had the one grade 7 class and encouraged my students with their reading which is slowly improving. They should be proud of themselves.

Amy took this picture because Tangmo quietly came over as we prepared to eat an early dinner. He sat and waited patiently and occasionally begged for bits of food. After we had finished we walked him to the gate where he now understands it is time to say goodbye and he walked off home.

Noticing The Nuance – 13th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Humbled and heartbroken
Fallen to a knee
Eyes wide open
How could they not be?

Shocked into submission
Suddenly set free
No longer distracted
And starting to see

Hours once dedicated
To you from me
Were blinders to the bronco
From forest to tree

Stars return to brightness
From a distant memory
Noticing the nuance
Analysed by degree

The chaos of our lives
I’m sure we all agree
Turn our attentions
Into nothing but debris

16th May 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Humility

Today I’m feeling:

Run down and sick. I slept through most of yesterday and last night and feel like sleeping more. My sore throat has transformed to a sexy voice as my nose starts running causing me to cough and hack up phlegm. To top it all, I forced myself to eat this morning and more of my busted booth came loose. Really have to get back to the dentist soon. Needless to say, I’m not at school. I should go to the hospital but not looking forward to sitting around for a couple of hours just to get prescribed medicine I can get at the pharmacy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The staff at the hospital that made everything relatively smooth and pain-free. Just a bit of waiting around. A bunch of meds were prescribed all for 200 baht, about 8 Aussie bucks. I don’t not know how much the meds had to do with it but I started feeling a little better after getting back from the hospital.

The best thing about today was:

Still working a little with my students in the afternoon while waiting at the hospital. The work I give to my grade 8s is simple and repetitive just with a different text each week so I don’t actually need to even be there with them. Still, about ten students skipped doing anything, which is a shame.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I went out to Utopia and grabbed coffee but the bike wouldn’t start after and I had to wheel it down the road in the scorching heat, adding to my already-addled brain. After the guy in the shop got it running again I decided just to buy some medicine and go home and rest. Amy came back an hour or so later and berated me for not going to the hospital so here I am, already told it’s at least a one-hour wait. I’m handling it by sniffing, coughing and wondering if I’ll even be well enough to go to school tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

Thailand is introducing a Clean Air Act but has no real solutions to stop the yearly burning by farmers. Just ideas and suggestions. There is support online behind a 28-year-old doctor who is about to die from lung cancer but I can’t imagine anyone in government is going to do anything seriously to stop this annual event that is due to be worse and for longer this year.

What new hobby would I like to try?

It’s not new I guess but I really need to get on and make some music with the equipment I have. The problem is that I would have to drop some of the other things that I already like doing with my time.

No new pictures today so this is from last week. Kam, Amy and Praewa tiktokking for me.

My Witness – 24th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Who is my witness? Who is left alive?
Does anyone remember our struggling to strive?
With no one left to share
Is there anyone left to care?
All the wisdoms found
Buried back in the ground
Words are often repeated
Once the time’s completed
The same mistakes are made
For which the past already paid

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A bit fried. My head is not quite clear this morning. I’m not unhappy or bothered at the moment, just kinda wondering what’s next.

(Later) The weekend slumber has helped and I feel fighting fit again for a new week. Last week at school with the kids!

Today I’m grateful for:

The non-communicative (grumpy?) guy in the bottle shop next door to Lamp Cafe who said nothing except ‘30 baht’ when I was buying soda water. He never looked up at me or said thank you or goodbye, even though I did. I’m getting used to all sorts of people and grateful that I still feel like this is an enjoyable place for me to be.

The best thing about today was:

The slow get-go that eventually turned into enthusiasm and happiness. It’s hot again but I definitely prefer the less cloudy grey skies. Riding back from Utopia I was considering riding off and around about but perhaps have to wait until next weekend.

Something I learned today?

I watched a fascinating documentary about the collapse of the Bronze Age in the Mediterranean. It makes me interested to travel more. In my imagination, it feels like life hasn’t changed there much over the centuries.

What activities cause me to lose track of time?

As I’m getting older I’m finding more and more that time slips away ever faster. I’m never troubled by boredom anymore and often wish I could be. I’d like time to slow down. Could I stand to give up my comfortable life and possessions for a more meaningful and meagre existence? Do I really want to feel bored again?

Pretty much all activities cause me to lose track of time these days.

Where can I broaden my perspective?

I think this can be anywhere and everywhere. Despite knowing I am opinionated on many things I don’t wish to ever become close-minded about things. I can only make judgements on the things I know and I must admit that I don’t know everything. My perspective is broadened every day with everything I see and do.

Noey took this picture because… I’m not sure why actually, but I think I look pretty good in it.

Witches and Wizards – 14th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s only a small role to be played
No one is more important in the game
Better to choose not to be insulted
By those who wish the rules remain

The witches and wizards will try
To knock you off your shaky feet
Their game is a lonely one
Where they’re happy to have you beat

To feel better at another’s expense
Does not a balanced life bring
And that tiny role that belongs to you
Is the truth that lets you sing

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to go. Lost in a little canna paranoia. Reflecting on who I am and what I’ve done and what’s left to do. What’s next?

Life is such a boring existence when seen through a focused lens. Everything is dull. There’s nothing new anymore. No wonder left in the world. Most of the time we just busy ourselves to ignore it.

I’d better get busy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding salad at the Walking Street today. I had Amy’s lasagna for lunch and by the time it got to 5 pm, I knew I needed to eat something else and started craving salad. At first, I couldn’t find my usual favourite stall to buy at, though eventually found another as I was just starting to wonder what else I could eat. Topped with some English Cheddar chips, I could’ve eaten another bowl full.

The best thing about today was:

My head getting back together and realising that I’m okay. At least, I think I’m ok! 

How are people so sure of themselves? Everything they do is trivial and ridiculous. I know this about myself and I’m certain it’s not just me!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I didn’t answer this question yesterday and today I’m leaning towards what I almost wrote yesterday in that I’m running out of time to get all the things done that I would like to do. I’m thinking that I have to stop watching so many YouTube or TV shows. Ironically this thought was triggered by a video I was watching about how our attention spans are so short these days. 

Something I learned today?

Ipswich Town are in first place in the League Championship. They’ve only played two games so far though! Maybe my old team will be back in the big league next year.

Rista sent me this picture because she’s away playing kabaddi in Kanchanaburi and she was smart enough to ask me if she would have to keep up with my classwork. I told her not to worry about it and enjoy herself but to send me pictures. I was surprised and appreciative that she did. She’s a good kid. She separated herself a little from some of her friends who were diverting her attention away from things she has decided she wants to do.