Driving away from this town called ease I was wasting time to do as I please Try to fill my brain with new things to do Remembering that I’m just passing through Clearer heads appear under different skies Walking away from that old disguise From ease to pain will soon turn again The town will remain, just the same
What a boy had set out to seek, a man had found, found by the act of living.
Mervyn Peake, from Titus Alone
Today I’m feeling: Happy and relaxed Today I’m grateful for: The ladies at the tattoo shop who did a great job with my tattoo. They were fast, professional and surprisingly cheap. The best thing about today was: Walking around with a new tattoo. It gives a vague boost of confidence, like, this is me today, it is more than me yesterday. Write a personal mantra or affirmation for next year. Don’t be lazy.
I took this picture because this represents pretty much the only thing I did today different to 99.9% of other days!
*What is the purpose of my body If not as an expression of my pain?* I can feel the relief of new violence As I plan to get tattooed again
*quoting Tarzan Kay
As soon as want and illusion come to a standstill, the utter barreness and emptiness of existence becomes apparent.
paraphrase Schopenhauer
Today I’m feeling: Happy Today I’m grateful for: A practice run of going back to school. I didn’t think we’d have much to do today so wasn’t surprised when I found there was no one around. I could’ve just gone straight home but went to House for coffee and then Oasis for food and got back around eleven. Next week though and it will all become too real again! The best thing about today was: Finishing Titus Alone so I can prepare to pack the trilogy up and post back to Sharon, who incidentally wrote me a happy birthday email today too. How curious are you? Generally, I’m pretty curious about things though I’m conscious that may be decreasing as I get older and my mind atrophies or that I already know it all. Having been endlessly curious in the early 2000s perhaps my experiences since then make me feel like I know enough. More general knowledge can be applied across many topics and I can be less curious about the details.
I took this picture because this highly symbolic picture is me eating my own head. It was the best part of the cake.
A coin to gain entry A seat for the sunset, sir? Do not trust the dawn For it may never occur Take your pick of the tables Or perhaps up there in the tree? The smartest trick the Devil Sold to you that which is free
inspired by a passage from Titus Alone by Mervyn Peake
We say that at home, we can ‘be ourselves.’ Everywhere else, we are someone else.
Matthew Desmond
Today I’m feeling: Relaxed Today I’m grateful for: Amy finding a new place to move to already, just 2 days after finding out she would have to move. One of her housemates was crying that Amy will leave so soon. That is the effect Amy has on people. I’m so lucky she is part of my life. The best thing about today was: Reading comics and finding more to read. I’m trying to catch up on 2000AD and Judge Dredd and after about 5 years (maybe more) I’m still only up to 1995! Can this be considered a long-term goal? Sometimes, when I’m high I consider how trivial, inconsequential and boring the things I’m interested in are! Then I think that I’m not alone. Almost everyone’s interests these days are insubstantial and niche. It makes it hard to get enthusiastic apart promoting music through tenzenmen sometimes. Sometimes it feels like me and three other people really dig something and I don’t have the energy to try and break through to others who have their own particular niche interests. If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say? I would take it down. What a blight! I would sell it for advertising. What is one more ad in the scheme of things? I would have it display a new positive quote every day. I would paint it the same colour as what is behind it.
I took this picture because I went on a little bike ride past Hacienda where there used to be a rubbish-burning collection point. It’s gone now and the land is slowly being dug out to fill in reclaimed rice fields for new buildings. This clump of bamboo sits atop a last piece of the old land and will soon be gone too. I found a track opposite that wasn’t marked on the map but when I switched to satellite view was clearly a proper dirt road at one point though now it was covered with grass again. I ponder about contacting Google to send me a camera so they can update their maps but the only person who benefits from this would be me. All the locals already know these tracks and paths and it’s only stupid me that goes off exploring and getting fucked up by google maps leading me into rivers or walls.
Temporary swarms buzz and circle Conversations bend or disappear Nests break and reconfigure With new formations becoming clear An idler on the roof above Monitors the party in motion Follows every dip and rise As if floating on the ocean Plans discussed, pleasantries exchanged Jokes told to absurd laughter Approaches made, compliments fired And plans afoot for what comes after
a scene from Titus Alone by Mervyn Peake
To live is to war with trolls in heart and soul. To write is to sit in judgement on oneself.
Henrik Ibsen
Today I’m feeling: Content and lazy Today I’m grateful for: Being able to easily buy snacks and treats for myself at shops nearby and having the money to do it. I’m far away from any major commerce but through the effort of 1000s of people, I can buy yoghurt, blue cheese, chips and toilet paper at stores just a 10-minute drive away. The best thing about today was: Listening to Kurws. Great band making interesting music for a decade or so. Today has been a very lazy day after returning from shopping at 10am. I haven’t done much of what I normally do but I’m fine with it. I’m getting used to this quiet life and not having a frenzy in my head of having to do things out of obligation, though I do recognise and appreciate that driving force at times. I know I will get that feeling back in a week or two when school starts again so in the meantime I’m enjoying the freedom to listen to as much music as I can.
I took this picture because… come on, how cute is that! This is from a couple of months ago but I’ve been so lazy to go anywhere and take any interesting pictures today. Even in the garden. I suppose I could have found something beautiful at the shops… Pictures are not usually on my mind when shopping though, usually just want to get in and out as quick as possible.
1994ever 