The Way Of The World – 29th December 2023

Why is the way the way it is?
Blue corner white, red corner black
The fighting cocks duke it out
With their Gods at their back

All the knowledge the child digests
Unquestioned and never put to test
Makes the world the way it is
And unlikely to ever be at rest


Today I’m feeling:

Lazy and a little uninspired. Last night Amy went to stay at her mum’s and it was cold enough to enjoy a whisky and I ended up finishing off what was left of the two bottles here. I didn’t feel too drunk but also didn’t feel great this morning either. The pleasure wasn’t worth it.

Today I’m grateful for:

 The TV and Xbox for keeping my sore brain busy today.

The best thing about today was:

Lard Na for brunch. Healthy and delicious and got rid of my minor hangover.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Last night I went to bed at about 11 and noticed a missed call from Amy. As she had told me that she was staying at her mum’s house I figured she was just calling to say good night so I didn’t call back. 

At some point during the night she called again but it was all a bit of a blur though I could remember something about helping her today at 8 am because she had been pulled over at a checkpoint. I immediately got back to sleep and my usual 6 am alarm annoyingly woke me up. Then I noticed Amy in her bed and she said, one more hour, to which I agreed. Even though I was confused at what she was doing here I easily slept again until 7 and the reset alarm.

We both hazily got up without talking much and eventually headed to the police station in the city.

Apparently Amy was out with friends last night and then went to meet Aun at Tawandang and as she was leaving there at around 2am she got pulled over at a police checkpoint and breathalysed. In typical Thai style, they told her that she should check the local websites before driving so that she can avoid checkpoints! And after they told her to come to the station in the morning they just let her drive off again!

Anyway, at the station she signed some papers and was told to come back again at 10 to go to court. As we didn’t know how long all this was going to take, she dropped me back home first.

Something I learned today?

In the court Amy accepted a 5000 baht fine and has to do some kind of community service, also reporting back to an office somewhere three times and if she’s found to have done anything else wrong she could face 7 days in jail!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Taking Amy into the city in the morning, though I’m not sure why I was needed except I was happy to provide moral support.

Fah took this picture yesterday with Jet on the left and Mai on the right. I like these kids and their group of friends (Lin, Noah, Gina, Guitar and Poom). No new pictures today.

Random Access – 8th May 2023

I am a stupid computer
An unsteady machine
Each morning rebooted
Memory wiped clean
I make the truth
Out of evaluations
Processing external data
From multiple sensations
I am a dumb animal
Programmed to suffer
Reset in sleep mode
Emptying my buffer


Today I’m feeling:

I woke up before my alarm, my brain already switching on and into work mode. It was also 30 degrees at 6.30 am and the fan wasn’t doing enough to keep me cool. Now, I’m a little tired, though my mind is active and busy planning for this coming story.

Today I’m grateful for:

Chatting online with a teacher from last semester that left for a new school to get a better salary. She was always nice to me and approachable for a chat. We wished each other well.

The best thing about today was:

Figuring out I could watch the Swans replays through the computer but connected to the TV. Now I can watch us lose in widescreen.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was informed today that I will be a homeroom teacher’s assistant this semester and given a little idea of what might be required of me. This may disrupt my morning coffee plans but I’ll wait and see next week. It is likely that actually I won’t be required to do much or anything. Either way, I’ll make the best of it. I want to do my best.

Something I learned today?

I found out various things today so it seems I did learn some bits and pieces (see above). I also just received an email from Sharon answering my question about when our grandparents passed away. As I’m trying to piece together various parts of my past it helps put a little bit of order back into the chaos of memory.

What three things do I need to accomplish this week?

I need to get my body clock back in sync with work hours.
I need to knock out as many lesson plans as I can for my classes.
I need to get as much information as I can about timetables, homeroom teachers and getting information sent out to my student’s parents to help me.

I took this picture because the cats are melting into the floor.

It’s been a while away from writing in this book. I’m not too worried about that as I’ve been adding a lot more on the app instead but it is nicer to write with a pen. There’s nothing much to add that can’t be found written already.
Today is the return to school, though it appears mostly this week will be clock-in, hang around and go home. I’ll spend some time at House doing some lesson planning though I’m a bit cautious as I’m not sure how my new versions of my plans are going to work until I actually start in the class. Whatever, I’ll figure it out.
This morning I found out I’ve been assigned to M 1/7 as an assistant homeroom teacher and as Kru Wave described the duties to me I thought to myself, ‘That’s probably not going to happen.’ It all sounds good in theory but kids are not going to listen to me, even if they understand.
One good bit of news is that the M1 (grade 7) classes only have 28 students which is a small improvement.
I’m sweating like a motherfucker as I write this and starting to smudge the page.
Well, here we are again.

Own It – 10th April 2023

It doesn’t matter what you do or be
Someone will tell you that it’s wrong
We’re just singing in a different key
Or even singing a different song
Expect judgement in advance
And carry on with a smile
Relish your unique stance
Revel in your personal style


Today I’m feeling:

Ok but still as if something has gone missing. It’s getting less concrete now and the other realities of life are breaking in.

Today I’m grateful for:

The expectedly surly staff at Immigration who gave me the forms I asked for. He was wearing a bright Songkran shirt and happily passed over the forms and I thought that he’s not really surly, he’s just being a little Thai and he’s at work dealing with all our farang shit all day. I wai’d my thanks and left.

The best thing about today was:

Picking up some mangoes and pomelo at the market near Oasis. The lady was helpful and I will enjoy eating them today and tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I tried some magic mushroom gummies last night and they had no real discernible effect.

After my alarm went off this morning I dozed a while longer and vividly dreamt that where Amy and I were living ( it wasn’t here), in the garden a huge hole had formed as if dirt had been carried away by ants. I noticed our cactuses were even growing underground where they were now exposed by the hole.

I went back inside to get my phone. Amy wasn’t home so I wanted to take pictures to send to her but my phone kept messing up like there was some electrical or magnetic interference.

I walked out of the garden and the roads had flooded from rain I thought I had heard during the night. People were trudging through the water to their houses nearby. I noted the surroundings looked like it was in the New Forest somewhere.

Again my phone kept messing up so I turned it off and hoped to sort it out back inside. As I walked back there were people standing around but I suddenly noticed things were dry. Then I realised that it was the magic mushrooms and I had hallucinated the hole in the garden and the flooding. I woke up then.

An earlier dream involved me trying not to wake the devil even though I had to open the door. He was sleeping in a normal bed in a normal bedroom. To open the door I had to tell him the truth about who he was. I didn’t think this would be too bad as he already knew what he was but he didn’t know that I knew. I just wanted to get out so I was stuck in this paradox.

I remember waking him and feeling scared but not sure what happened after that.

All these bits and pieces make sense to me considering the TV show I have been watching, a German show called Dark. The story is good and imaginative and has at least kept my brain occupied.

Something I learned today?

I went to see about getting my driving licence updated and I learned about the documents I will need and that I should either get there early or be prepared for a long wait.

How do I want to feel right now?

Alive, awake, enthusiastic, and full of joy.


I took this picture because Cap is feeling the heat. It’s unusual for him to lay like this on the floor. Usually, he’s on the bed or sofa when he rolls onto his back. 

We got that attitude! – 3rd May 2021

I am so happy and grateful for the long month off work. I have been enjoyably lazy and caught up on some TV watching. It has made me realise that I enjoy having a routine of going to work and that I build other habits around it. It has also made me curious about us being able to start our own business here – I think it would be enjoyable to do a restaurant/diner on our land.

We got that attitude! – 13th April 2021

I am so happy and grateful that I have so many TV shows and movies saved that I can watch anything I want, whenever I want. Last night I started watching The Deuce which is really good.


Our trip worked out spectacularly timing-wise as the day we got back Thailand announced a lockdown (of sorts) so we are back now and quarantining ourselves as much as we can, which means I’m struggling through on instant coffee.

I made cannabutter yesterday and today Amy baked brownies, of which I ate one, and I’m pretty happy and high at the moment.

Got to get my sheets off the line – had to wash everything as I’m sleeping in the bedroom where the aircon is out of order, so before it cools down early in the mornings, I’m sweating out and soaking the sheets. I hope someone can come and fix that aircon soon, though I can make it through with just the fan and window open.

Well boy, you’ve got to listen to me, promise her you’ll rise this day next year, from this very bed – 9th April 2021

Everyone was asking me why I wasn’t drawing pictures of Amy, so I thought I’d prepare a little surprise for our 11th wedding anniversary. I started with one of us together and then ones with Amy and one of her friends. I then sent these digitally to her friends and asked them all to send them back to Amy digitally today. It was fun to plan all this and it got me a lot of practice with sketching.

Shaun and Amy
Amy and Jessica
Fern and Amy
May and Amy
Amy and Muey
Amy and Grace
Billie and Amy
Mai and Amy
Amy and Bookie

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the TV in our hotel room last night. The porter switched it on when bringing in our bags and I thought it was weird to turn on the TV. As I was waiting for Amy I switched channels by total coincidence they had the ABC Channel and the Swans game was being shown live. I managed to watch the first half before we had to go out for dinner.

The pleasures of the sight, the pleasures of the flesh, the vanities of life – 14th April 2020

“A hundred billion people who came before us, over ten thousand generations and everything they did for us, to build up our world…if we were to go extinct, through our own actions, or lack of doing anything about it, we would be the worst of those ten thousand generations.”

Tony Ord from the Ezra Klien podcast

I’ve gotten into the habit of listening to podcasts before I go to sleep (after reading comics and books before I go to sleep….it seems like I just don’t want to sleep!). The quote above, right from the very beginning of the podcast, shook me awake.

The podcast goes on to talk about real existential threats to our world and when I say our world, I really only mean the human world. Outside threats such as asteroids are very unlikely to be the cause. Internal threats such as nuclear war and pandemics are the most likely. Humans are the pox on this earth but we can redeem ourselves.

Each morning I receive an email with a quote and a writing prompt and I attempt to put down a few words of thought. The prompts are sometimes too thought-provoking, requiring too much time for me to consider (though consider them I should). This morning I got this:

Don’t go on discussing what a good person should be. Just be one.

Marcus Aurelius

Prompt
You are but one animal among trillions. Let the trivial fall away. Focus on the important.

My response:
I was thinking about this yesterday after a collection of different and varying inputs – watching a documentary about prostitutes struggling with drugs and taking care of a pet, watching cat videos, listening to podcasts about human extinction and reading Sufi tales with talking animals.  
Why do humans think they are more important than other animals?  
We will destroy ourselves.  So, focus on the important?  Decide what is important.

And, in the face of everything, this is a big question. If nuclear wars and pandemics are the most likely causes of the end of human existence – this feels like it must be important then.

Some will shrug their shoulders and give up, often promoting their view as a good thing. Others will sincerely do their best to encourage action from everyone and anyone. The worst will be those taking advantage of the situation to enrich their own lives.

I’m still thinking about and searching for the answer.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a big rain. No need to water our garden today!

To-do list

  • Keep tracking down digital files on Soulseek ✅
  • Write another lesson
  • More 1994ever entries ✅
  • New blog entry (use an email for inspiration) ✅
  • More drawing?

Fairly well motivated today – could still spend less time watching TV and get out to my room before lunchtime but that’s OK. Not really much of anything else to report today.

Oh, last night it rained (after a big storm in the afternoon) and Amy woke me up (out of a wonderful sleep) at about 2am because our power was off. I realised that it was probably because the connectore box outside was exposed and water got on the electricity cables. I covered it as best I could, stood there in my underpants, ants crawling for cover too.

We turned the power back on and it stayed and I fell back into bed. So, this afternoon I savoured a snooze in front of the TV listened to a talk about Ram Dass.

We got that attitude! – 23rd March 2020

I am so happy and grateful for our month of supplies so we don’t have to go out too much. I love being at home though I would prefer to have the option to go out anytime.

The most beautiful part about love was that you could savour the memory forever.

To-do list

  • Record new TCRAH
  • Call Hayden
  • Write some lessons

Didn’t make it to my room today. Enjoyed lots of reading and watching TV.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #29 – 14th March 2020

Music from The Radwan Satellite, The Spielbergs, The Ex, Teenage Depression, The Dickies, Prince Francis, Nihilistics, The Ladies, Third Thumb, Mothboxer, Bare Grillz, Sakarin Boonpit, Blondie, Naked Raygun, The Satellites, Ambient Noise and the Sex Pistols.


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for these masks that can help me breathe. Coronavirus and high AQI.

14th Mar 2023 – That looks like a pretty fine podcast. Sometimes I go and listen to them myself. I think they’re pretty good. The mix of music represents my madness.
After having Covid last year I decided to stop wearing masks but with the summer burning season here again I’m wearing them intermittently when I’m outside.

To-do list

  • Record and upload TCRAH ✅
  • Install Powerpoint on laptop ½
  • Sort more CDs ½
  • Try to move more

Started off the day well then fell back into reading and watching TV. I do, however, feel much better today and much happier too. With holidays coming up, ie. not really having to work, I feel like I have lots of free time at the moment so I’m enjoying watching TV, though I do notice that time goes too fast.

Same with reading. I’m reading a lot more these days and before I know it, a couple of hours have gone.

Tomorrow is the end of quarantine and I’ll go buy coffee in the morning and we’ll stock up on supplies again.