Tag: walk

Imagine – 7th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

In my head
I lost my mind
Imagining red
Colourblind

Absent a shadow
No friend follows
A poisoned arrow
No more tomorrows

No peace of mind
Imagined I
None could find
Or satisfy

Coming back
To my senses
None so black
Beat my defences

Submitted to dVerse

Today I’m feeling:

A little sick with a sore throat and lack of energy.  I skipped my alarm and exercise for an extra 30 minutes of sleep.  I’m hoping not to have to do too much at school today.  I could do with an afternoon nap and I’m saying that now before it’s even 8 am.

(10 am) And there we are, the tipping point.  Lazily wandering from place to place and eventually being told there’s nothing for us to do today.  So here I am back at House for coffee number two.

Today I’m grateful for:

Lots of free time in which I could read, write and learn whilst sipping coffee and then later spending a couple of hours reading comics in bed, where I did indeed, enjoy an awesome afternoon nap.

The best thing about today was:

Hanging out with Michael and David for a little while this morning and then lazily walking from school to where some of the kids were doing the zip-line and we watched for a few minutes, ducked away and walked back again.  The temperature was ok for the most part and once off the highway, the walk was quite pleasant.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The typical dysfunction of Scout week activities at school used to bug me but now I listened to how they bugged David instead and accepted the advantages that we can get from it.

Something I learned today?

Andrew Huberman is into Rancid.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  13. Be Nice. I don’t mean you should be a pushover. You can be someone that doesn’t take shit and be nice about it. Just don’t insult people, think you’re better than them, or act like an idiot.

I’m a lot nicer than I used to be.  I don’t insult people or think that I am better than others anymore but I probably am still prone to acting like an idiot every now and then.  One would hope that we are all a lot nicer than we used to be but then you meet some people…..

I took this picture because these flowers have decided to grow, against the odds.

In The Presence Of God – 5th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 15 Comments

Sat here staring at the walls
Tracing back this year of ruin
The picture hung now calls
To settle any trouble brewing
Transcendence roams these halls
Embracing the silence here
It’s the holy land that recalls
The artist’s vision clear

Walking through the lives
And visions of those long gone
A tiny thought survives
Where this moment must belong
When this awe arrives
Angels will serenade the air
Unfolding before the eyes
Of those chosen to be there

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions
13th Dec 2024 – Shared with dVerse OLN
9th Apr 2025 – Shared with Moonwashed Weekly Prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Great. Got up as usual and did some arm exercises, went for coffees and then headed off to meet Bruno and walk up the LiKhai Valley. After a good walk up there and a super refreshing swim in the waterfall, I felt even better. A delicious affogato at Utopia after some veggie noodles and I relaxed into a fabulous afternoon nap before preparing for guests in the evening as Amy prepared Korean food for her mum, Dad, Auntie, Nong Aun and her friend and I talked a little with everyone. A wonderful day.

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady who made vegetarian noodle soup for my lunch. To be honest it was pretty bland and tasteless but somehow it felt filling and refreshing. The lady was in the shop by herself and there weren’t many customers (probably due to the holiday) but I’m glad she was there.

The best thing about today was:

Definitely jumping in the water in the stream running down the valley. The bottom of the stream wasn’t visible and I slipped down into the water, completely submerged before breast stroking across to where the water was pouring over the rocks from above. The weather today was perfect and the water was a good (cold) temperature to refresh and revive.

Something I learned today?

After NASA banned any cooperation with China in connection with space, they are now asking for samples of moon rock that China recently brought back from there.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

As we were coming out of the valley a foreign couple that we’d seen ride by earlier stopped and asked about going to Mae Salong, so I gave them the rough directions and some advice on how long it would take and where else to go.

I loaned Amy’s dad some Kabuki comic books that I have though I doubt if he can understand them fully. He borrowed some books from me a couple of years ago and still hasn’t given them back. I reminded him again as he was taking these!

If I could relive any day from my past, which day would I choose?

This ties in with the question on Sunday about my favourite parts of the city and the walk I like in Sydney. I would relive the day that TLJ and I went exploring down there when we snuck out of the office for a long lunch. I was desperately excited with new love at that time.

I took this picture because this was the swimming hole I enjoyed getting wet in today.

Both Worlds Paradox – 15th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Beauty fades as knowledge grows
And wisdom comes too late
To understand what the old one knows
As the acceptance of this fate

When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.

Viktor Frankl

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and chilled
Today I’m grateful for:
The lady in the print shop helping me to print out a few things I needed. Some for school but also printouts from my blog which I will send to Hayden.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing reading a couple of books. I love the anticipation of starting a new book, a new journey, new knowledge.
What movies do you need to watch?
This is easy. There are NO movies that I NEED to watch. I have a hard-drive full of movies that I’d like to watch along with many DVDs, Netflix and YouTube. And perhaps, hopefully, one day I will. I may even try it tomorrow, now that it is in my head.

I took this picture because as I was enjoying my walk home this morning I recalled when I did my first exploratory motorbike ride around the village and came down here, where the sign seems to indicate no entry. I sat on my bike undecided whether to go forward or turn back and as I looked around a lady outside the adjacent house called out and waved me through. I soon discovered that everyone used this shortcut and they just didn’t want cars coming through. Today though, I noticed that someone has taken the trouble to re-gravel the track so there are no more puddles and potholes. Wish this had been done before the rainy season.

Get Used To It – 11th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Get used to it, it’s not going to change
Settle on down til it’s no longer strange
Culture shock, not worth fighting against
It’s upsetting but not worth taking offence
Getting used to it, going along for the ride
Hiding in the open is the best place to hide
Running away or kicking against the pricks
Means never teaching this old dog new tricks

Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.

Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Today I’m grateful for:
Receiving some comfortable new sandals that at least attempt to give me some arch support.
The best thing about today was:
Walking home from Utopia in the light drizzle. It was just the right rain not to get too wet and to keep the temperature down. The air felt supremely fresh and reinvigorating. I really enjoyed the walk.

I took this picture because the clouds amongst the mountains looked amazing and reminded me of windswept moors of England.

Marginalia – 29th August 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

A Russian writer in a Dublin bar
Took a metaphor way too far
The idiot brother spent the day
Conjuring up their words at play
Newspeak made them more afraid
And on the farm, a price was paid
Conch holders soon made no sound
As Alexandria’s library burned to the ground
A plague, a joke, the man outside
Tall tales of prejudice and pride
Repeated and replaced with robots, I
Struggle with two suns in the sky

Isn’t it conceivable a person wants to be a decent human being because that way he feels better.

Isaac Asimov
I took this picture because these two kept me company for a little while this morning on my walk. They looked like they were trying to kill each other but all the while wagging their tails and jumping up to run off again.

The Week That Was – 11th November 1979

Outside – 28th August 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

I don’t want to go outside
The rain spits knives at my blinking eyes
Don’t want to be outside
Angry ghosts stare at me in surprise
I don’t want to see outside
Evil awaits with sharpened knives
Don’t take me to the outside
Amongst the dead and zombied lives
I don’t want to go outside
The flashing neon against dull grey skies
Don’t want to be outside
To smell the carcass covered in flies
I don’t want to see outside
The monsters can’t get me in my bed
Don’t take me to the outside
Where the rats of paranoia invade my head

The day a child realises all adults are imperfect, he becomes and adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; and the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.

Alden Nowlan, Selected Poems

Today I’m grateful for:
Pushing myself to walk to Utopia in the morning and recognising the extra energy that gave me throughout the day. I got a lot done.
The best thing about today was:
Reading more Gormenghast. I’m loving the language and imagery and being introduced to all these weird and quirky characters. I’m enjoying it more than the first book in the series so far. There were lots of other good things today too mostly because I was in a good mood because of my morning walk and the sun being out again.

I took this picture because this was the view of the sunrise on my first early morning walk. It was also nice to view the world around me from different perspectives.

Atrox, Disciples of the Elder, (A poet), Other Side Of The Fence – Cornwall Hotel, Dorchester, Dorset, UK – 15th March 1985

Whistleblower – 19th October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A truth-teller, honest words
Reality dealer
Things you don’t like to hear
Uncovered, revealed for all
Blown whistler
How could it happen here?
Sentenced, silenced and forgotten
Muddied water
Evidence made to disappear
A memory, a closed chapter
Listed traitor
History rewritten clear
The winners, they are liars
Losing later
And always living in fear

Inspired by Daniel Hale. I feel we should rename ‘whistleblower’ to ‘truth-teller’. I can hear the Minutemen in my head as I read this.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that the gasman comes whenever we call him so that we have gas and I can have omelette for breakfast this morning.

Amy dropped me at school this morning so she can go shopping so I’m practically stuck here. I’ve just been sat in my classroom, reading and writing and keeping my head down so as not to get asked to do anything, though I did knock together another English presentation for classes next semester.

Anyway, having remained successfully without much disturbance, I decided to go for a walk down to House as it’s not too hot and sunny outside. I could kill an hour, listen to podcasts and get some exercise.

As I was eating lunch, I listened briefly to a podcast called Street Wisdom that directs you to pay more attention as you are walking somewhere, much like children stopping and investigating everything they are curious about. As I set about my walk, I noticed lots and lots of different flowers blooming but as cars and footing became more of a concern, I ended up focusing more on smells.

Thailand has some wild, interesting and unusual smells that are sometimes difficult for me to identify. The fresh fruit and veg markets are easily identifiable though, with all sorts of exotic mixes. Outside one tired-looking building, an old man sat playing a guitar, sat at a ubiquitous round concrete table so familiar here. He returned my smile as he slid a barre chord up the neck.

Other buildings are derelict, sometimes overgrown, next to smart new four-car, CCTV’d houses. People seem somewhat proud of their own space but don’t give a shit what may be ont he other side of the fence, where garbage can be thrown if they can get away with it.

I love the new wooden houses that get built here and there, but there are many old ones around still in use too, though poorly maintained. I sometimes envy the people living in them, comfortable in the familiarity of their own mess and junk. It reminds me of my dirty, messy bedroom of my teenage years. A safe haven for me to stay in my stink. If I lived by myself, I’m sure my house would end up like it too. Amy keeps me clean and on my toes.

What a wonderful walk, lost on the way back, though never really lost. Hot and sticky by the time of my return where I sit now writing this.

Sometimes a parrot talks – 7th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In the 1970s, 80s and 90s, Arthur Deikman warned that many of the spiritual and utopian groups that had mushroomed out of the counter-culture were harmful cults…… He identified four signs of cult-like behaviour — dependence on a leader, compliance with the group, forbidding dissent, and devaluing outsiders. These four behaviours were particularly strong in cults, he suggested, but existed throughout society.

Jules Evans – The soulful psychiatrist (email newsletter)

When I read this I immediately became aware that the school system that I am working within in this country is cult-like. These are government schools where I work, so it makes some sense. Governments operate utilising these four behaviours too.

In this system, preferences are given to the leader, superior or elder, whether they are deserving or not. If they are found lacking machinations begin to move that leader along, often with a handshake to comfort the stab in the back.

Compliance within the group is essential. You must conform. Non-conformity will enable idle gossip, rumour and lies. This will dig deep into your soul until it becomes unbearable. The nail that sticks out gets hammered down. (I am that nail, over and over. Yes, I am stupid but I hope to learn.) It is a culture clash that happens repeatedly as teachers come and go faster than they can be replaced. No one learns from this as each party shakes their fists as they walk away.

Dissent leads the same way. Any question is seen as dissent, any suggestion is dissent, opening your mouth can be taken as dissent. To make improvements trickster behaviour must be employed, backroom suggestions that may filter through as if the leaders had thought of it themselves.

And the old favourite – devaluing outsiders. In an environment of education, it seems like it should be essential for everyone to work together. However, here there is a palpable us and them. If you decide to follow the path of non-compliance and dissent you will be seen to have no value (‘you’re one of them, one of them’). The survival technique ensures devaluing yourself – it is too great a burden for many to take.

I am not filled with hope for education in this country. But I can hope that it is only my limited experience and that things are much better in private schools at least, but which unfortunately only the wealthy can afford.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #28

Music from Aburadako, Ween, The Fall, Ahleuchastistas, Steve Miller Band, Radio Palestine, Sajjanu, The Motions, The Letters, Abnorman Chaffy, The Ramones, Jimi Hendrix Experience, Girls Against Boys, Marmalade Butcher, Guzzlemug, Slight Seconds, Cinematics, Strange Changes.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to watch our trees sprout new growth. To see the birds fly down from the branches and pick up yummy worms.

To-do list

  • Practice being nicer to everyone ½
  • Upload and record TCRAH ✅
  • Check files and start grading ✅
  • More CD sorting ✅
  • Xbox Dance today?

I woke up a little hungover today despite only having two beers last night. I’m really not enjoying drinking as much now, though I think I’m not really enjoying anything at the moment. It’s just a feeling that I’m sure will pass soon enough. I feel like I’m going through the motions mostly.

I did get a few things done today and starting to refocus myself a little and after six days stuck at home, I am getting a little itchy to just go for a walk.

I really want to get up tomorrow morning and start playing that dance game. I must do it. I should dance – in my own unstylish way. It will at least make Amy smile.

I got bothered today because Amy mentioned that when I write to school or TLC my words are quite argumentative, or could be perceived that way. I need to become more aware of that and be more amenable. I must think more about what I write and hoping that will transfer to the way I speak too.

New day rising – 29th December 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This morning I am filled with a quiet happiness. Determined to get up early on a Sunday and to do something, whether it be a walk, a meditation, writing or studying, I rolled out of bed, fed the cats and opted to walk to my favourite local coffee shop, Utopia.

As I prepared food for the cats a light rain appeared. Unusual for this time of year but accurately predicted by our weather apps for once. Undeterred, I set out. The temperature still cool but the minimal exertion keeping me warmed I chose to listen to a reading of a Chekhov short story. The relative quiet around made for clear listening to the beautiful words of the story as I walked through small fields of wet grass and aspiring mud. Was I still in Thailand or transported to that Armenian village?

Before I knew it I had arrived at the shop but it was too early and as I waited on the porch I listened to a primer on Nietzsche and then an imagined conversation between Fred and Jane Austen where, despite their differences they arrived at a philosophical agreement and appreciation for each others works. Inspired by this I contemplated how everyone is different but we must be able to find some common ground.

The Nietzsche primer mentioned his text’s difficult reading but also highlighted his humour. Something which I had not been previously aware of. Friends have told me they preferred to read works about Nietzsche rather than his own. I will try this approach sometime. Sometime when I can add those books to my ever growing library.

The shop opened and I lazily drank through 3 coffees which produced a wonderful buzzing awareness of all the subtleties around me. Soon an acquaintance of Amy’s arrived, a Thai lady who runs her own English school. As this was our first meeting we talked about our shared experiences with teaching here in Chiang Rai.

Coffee and conversation

I lead the conversation for a while before realising it was time to let her speak and so I asked questions about her school and so the conversation flowed. I set myself a small challenge to try to talk to a stranger every day and thought to myself that I can cross this off today’s challenge list and it’s not even 10am.

Later though, as I was walking home, the rain a little heavier than before, I realised that I had failed in another of my personal challenges. Inspired by a Tim Ferriss article I read this week I have challenged myself to not complain about anything for 21 days. To remind myself about this challenge I have started wearing a bracelet, the purpose being that every time you complain you have to swap the bracelet to the other wrist. I have made this doubly difficult for myself by choosing a bracelet that is awkward to attach to oneself with one hand.

As the bracelet effect kicked in I thought back to the conversation in the coffee shop and asked myself if I had been complaining. Despite my mind’s protestations and justifications I sadly realised I had, indeed, been complaining. Perhaps only mildly but there is a fine line between stating the facts as they are and infusing a negative into the narrative.

In fact, the hardest part of this challenge is actually recognising that you are complaining. So long as it pushes to the forefront of my mind more and more it will help me become more aware of my own words and to try to understand how someone might feel whilst listening to me.

The walk home was still wonderous as I contemplated all this and listened to the description of beautiful Masha and the joy and sadness the narrator felt. This description was thought-provoking as I also was feeling so happy with life, despite the fact I was getting cold and wet in the rain. The walk crowned by the view of the feathery grass that spikes alongside our driveway, suddenly weighed down by the heavy drops of water, pointing towards the path home.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be inquisitive. To want to constantly learn and understand myself. This morning I listened to a primer on Nietzsche which was interesting as an introduction because I don’t know enough about his philosophy. I then listened to an imagined conversation between Nietzsche and Jane Austen where there two apparent so different writers end up agreeing on many things. I walked to Utopia this morning too. A nice gentle walk and gave me chance to listen to these articles.

To-do list

  • Prepare Lazada order.
  • Upload TCRAH and record new ep.
  • Check more Wix options.
  • Read 3 chapters.
  • Next Thai video.
  • Install WP App and streamline Chrome windows.
  • WDS t-shirt options.
  • Dye hair.

Did it list

  • Uploaded TCRAH.
  • Read 3 chapters.
  • Walked to Utopia.
  • Talked with a stranger at Utopia.
  • Wrote blog post.
  • Stayed calm despite Amy being in a bad mood.

Missed a couple of days due to having George and Bee over on Friday and being lazy and hungover on Saturday. Did not do anything on my Saturday list so moved all to Sunday and still only managed half of them, though the day is not over yet.

On Friday I kept my challenge of playing with the kids so that I would get some exercise. However, after a while, they asked me to calm down. I was a bit rough and too competitive. I felt slightly aggrieved at that moment but did calm down some. When I thought about it afterwards I realised they were right. It probably wasn’t as much fun for them as it should have been. I need to learn about the consequences of my actions – even the small ones.

*Work – 2nd September 1998

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Email with TLJ

T: still at uni. mail me babe, need ya.
what are you doing this evening – more sitting on your balcony.

S: Not sure what time you sent this – I just got back from lunch (just went for a walk). Hope yr day is good. I guess I’ll be on the balcony – will probably clean the other two chairs and sweep up the bird seed (will have to get a feeder on the weekend I think) put away the clothes move the carpet and maybe organise it all a bit more feng shui. Care to join me? You are welcome anytime – what’s mine is yours OK! Was thinking I’d like to go back to Market City on the weekend – get some sago pudding maybe…can you make it – maybe go to What Is Music afterwards? What you think my love?

T: well, can’t get through to di’s mobile, and her home phone is busy, so may be able to see you tonight. only one prob – eric messed up my hair so it looks shit, and i took my wax out of my bag just this morning, so I’m really upset. i lost my spikes! maybe i can get some wax – and a massage at your place babe.
going to the library now, will be back soon and hopefully i can meet you in chatswood. give me a time and a place babe. or are you doing anything else tonight?

S: I’ll be here for you sweetheart. My machine is having a spazz at the moment so I may not be able to mail you again. I’ll fix your hair and give you a massage – no worries. Call me when you can. Love to you angel