Is this narrative true Or just what you want to hear? If everything is obscured It surely can be made clear Is this narrative a lie Or what you choose to believe? When lies are lies and lies are truth It’s manifest to deceive
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
Aristotle
Today I’m feeling: Pretty good. A little antsy but not for any particular reason. Today I’m grateful for: The new 100-watt light bulb above me that means I can read a bit more comfortably again. The last one didn’t last for long. The best thing about today was: Riding my pushbike to Utopia this morning. Nice temperature, cloudy and little traffic. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? Amy needed some money to buy wine at the shop as she couldn’t pay by card so she came and asked me to get some cash out for her. In the evening the same thing happened at 7-11. We share our money so it’s not that big a deal but it was something that we couldn’t control at the time though because we were together the solution was quick and easy so Amy didn’t have any frustration. What are you most thankful for? This seems obvious but I’m most thankful to be alive. I wouldn’t be anything otherwise.
I took this picture because I find this building incredibly interesting. It looks like it’s from a Ghibli movie. I’m not sure if it’s a hotel or a student dorm. I took this a couple of days ago up by the stupa. No photos at all today!
I only recently understood the meaning of Aladdin Sane. Not the song/music but just those two words. Duh!
I slept through the heat of the day, a bit more fitfully than yesterday’s deep dreamless rest. The whirr of the overhead fan blades never reminded me of the first scene in Apocalypse Now and thankfully, this isn’t the end.
God bless Saturday
God bless Saturday
A women’s laugh from a backyard party on our street woke me, someone’s having fun. A creaking door, a turned tap. It doesn’t bother me, it doesn’t upset me. People are just being people going about their days.
Day by day
The moon gains on me
The dreams I was chasing are quickly forgotten but I know they were good.
And it’s quiet again
Hidden figments, surface now
Repetitious history
One more time for the record
Last day of four night shifts again. I’m starting to flag.
The man who’s head diminished. Sounds like my head, trying to unravel this lot
I can tell you Sparky!
A day and a half break to do some washing and reading and then back to it, but at least back on regular shifts, which will at least give me three and half day breaks again though I may see if I can get some more overtime cos money is money.
If your rates too high
Put your life on this bit of paper
Amy insists I bring her at least three bags of goon from Australia despite me having a full bag already. Aussie wine is expensive in Thailand and Amy sounded like she needed a drink tonight. I’m anticipating my first drink of the year when I arrive in Thailand too – will probably knock me off my feet.
Good riddance to my native country
It never did a thing for me
It’s a better life here
It is a good life here
Football and beer much superior…
For some reason, on Friday we felt in celebratory mood and blew the expense. I tailed it down to the bottle shop and picked us up a bottle of Seaview sparkling wine and a bottle of Wolf Blass Chardonnay, a beautiful tasting dry white wine, oak and butterscotch flavour with no bite at all and anyone who says wine has got to have a bite should try this stuff.
We ate and drank and because of our usual rush we polished off the Seaview before 7 o’clock so ran up to the shop and picked up a couple of videos to watch, content we were on a pleasant night in. So we proceeded to finish off the Wolf Blass during the first movie which I don’t recall its name or even what it was about but in my dim memory, I do remember it being good, entertainment-wise.
I made us a smoke while Broni talked to David on the phone, how she managed to be coherent she has no idea! She was very drunk and was also sick soon after getting off the phone, but she convinced me she was okay and we had a smoke and sat down to watch the next film, which I do remember was Jacob’s Ladder. Unfortunately, we had to cut short as Broni sicked up all the lovely food we’d eaten into her clean white dress!
I put her to bed and watched some more of the movie but was worried some that my little girl might stop breathing in her sleep, smoking paranoia, so jumped in bed beside her and put my hand on her chest so’s I could feel her breathing. In my paranoia, I lay awake for an hour or so, my mind racing at the size of my situation, and the immense task ahead in the following 12 weeks or so. These thoughts hit me at odd moments, surprisingly not too often, I don’t seem to be too worried at all. In fact, I think it will be when I get there things might take on a different outlook. Like for the first three or four months, things will still be new and vital and fresh but then your normal humdrum existence routine might take over and it’s then I’ll start thinking about home and my friends (while I’m here I’ve been calling Oz home!) Anyway, too fucking late by then, hey!?
Saturday day time slips us by with us just buying some shorts to wear in Rhodes. Fuck, I can’t believe we’re going there. I couldn’t have foreseen such great adventure a couple of years ago that’s for sure. In fact, this is the first time I’ve ever been on a holiday of this sort (to Rhodes). I’ve only ever been out of this country for about a week before, back in 1989 I think it was when the band went on tour into Holland and Belgium. Still, that’s the madness of the age, reckon?
Gradually people started turning up at the house for our planned Indian meal out, so it was, all the record fair crew turned up, Simon, Rich, Baz, Gaz, Mark, Roger and Adelaide and soon after Rob too. Excellent – everyone as expected, it really fills me that these people, who some I don’t really know that well, make the effort to come and see me before I leave, I should say ‘we’ and ‘us’ there because they come to see Broni too. In fact, I must apologise to her now if she may feel left out of this diary in my writings, we’re really a unit and where I may write ‘I’ and ‘me’, you can be fairly certain I mean ‘us’ and ‘we’. Do you feel how bloody brilliant she makes me feel, do you recognise that feeling? No amount of petty squabbles dim my love for her.
Well, Gaz and particularly Baz were on rocking hot form tonight and had us choking on our food while we ate, with their jokes and comedy routines. Every little thing you said was turned into a joke of some sort, we laughed til our sides were aching. And time passed us so quickly again that we only had time for one drink in the pub before we had to make our way back and we all crammed into the front room and continued with the jokes and coffees until the early hours, listening to Django Reinhardt much to Baz’s dismay! Very relaxing and therapeutic.
All the guys had gone except Rob who woke us up with breakfast and then fed, we walked down through the park to watch people lazying away their Sundays walking dogs, flying kites and taking in the sun. There’s been some powerboat racing around the harbour and also out on the sea over to the Isle of Wight. We fed up again in the Jolly Sailor, ambling slowly back to the park where we endangered ourselves with more fun by hiring out a row boat and rode ourselves into the night. No, not really. We rowed over to the other side to catch the cygnets and then back around everywhere, like Rob says, covering every inch of water.
Sunday is a fun day on our agenda, me and Broni feel like we’re on permanent holiday. Rob leaves us to go and practice with Fatty. They’re writing some songs together which sound good from what Rob’s told me. I’ve also told Rob not to get involved in any gossip Fatty might indulge in, didn’t explain that very well but the idea is that Rob doesn’t get emotionally involved in any bullshit between me and Fatty. I told Rob that it’s not my problem, which I truly believe, and as far as I’m concerned if he wanted to be friends now that’s no problem with me but apparently Fatty still has some bee in his bonnet that I can’t be forgiven for and some of the things I have heard are plain ridiculous. If I told you it all you’d think it was real school playground stuff. All I need to say is that the guy’s not very forgiving (for whatever it is I’ve done cos I still don’t know!)
Me and Broni laxed out the rest of the night, oh, actually we went up to the movies and saw The Mask which was great entertainment, with excellent animation and reasonable story too.
Ah, Monday morning, just me and Django and my imagination, life’s soooooo good!