Tired and sleepy. I must’ve been woken by the gardeners this morning, though I didn’t even realise until I heard shouts of ‘nong Am’ and ‘loong’ outside whilst I was taking a shower. Coffee got me going a bit and I managed to avoid watching TV until lunchtime.
Around that time, though, Baipad messaged saying that her cat had turned up after 4 days and didn’t look good and asked if I would take her to the vet. I had to choose whether to help her or not, knowing that I would have to pay, as her mum refuses to take their pets to the vet (I’m assuming it’s a financial decision on her part). And I’m really short of money right now too.
I cracked when she wrote that ‘otherwise I’ll just have to let her go’. Her cat, Snow, was unable to move and felt very cold. She really looked like she might go at any minute. Baipad was predictably in tears. Anyway, the kids got in the car and we drove down to the vet near the hospital.
They said that she had feline distemper and only a 10% chance. We talked about options, and they said they wanted to put her on saline and give her some medicine and to stay there for a few hours. I agreed and told Baipad that they could figure out what to do after that. I dropped them home after paying a 500 baht deposit and told her to call me to take them back later.
Around 4pm, she messaged me again and said that her mum would go pick up the cat and a little later said that she was home again and was improving with a 50-60% chance of making it.
I was happy to hear that but also found out that her mum had to pay another 800 baht. I told Baipad that she should start thinking of things that she can do to pay her mum back.
Today I’m grateful for:
The vet nearby being open today. As it is a special holiday this weekend, I wasn’t sure that it would be.
The best thing about today was:
I played guitar for a couple of hours and got in touch with Max and Dave about them possibly sending over some tenzenmen stock for distro over there. Hopefully, that will help get some stuff out of my room.
We also had a long, big rain which flooded our lawn for the first time this year.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Due to my lack of money I’m not able to pay the gardener and had to ask Amy to transfer me the money to do it. I’ll have to pay her back next month.
Something I learned today?
I learned about the colonial city of Aden in Yemen and a little about the retreat of the British Empire from there. I’d not heard of it before but searching online it looks like a very interesting place.
I took this picture because Tigger was very much enjoying rolling in his cardboard tray whilst the rain poured outside.
Still dizzy. Even dizzy during my poor sleep last night as my body aches made me uncomfortable. Wondering how serious this might be. But I still pushed through morning exercise hoping that that may get me going. Not quite. Will see how I fair today.
Today I’m grateful for:
Funfai bringing me a food gift. Unfortunately it was pork so I had to return it though I made sure she knew I was grateful.
The best thing about today was:
Finally feeling better by the afternoon after sinking a cup of water with electrolytes. I’m not 100% yet but at least I don’t feel as if I might fall over now.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My first class this morning was a bit of a test for me and I almost lost it but I think the kids sensed it and were unusually quiet for a little while which softened me a little. I also recalled a daily reminder I have set – “Be grateful for what you have, for it is a gift that can be taken away at any moment.”
Something I learned today?
Some musicians I have worked with in Germany before are rushing to release a compilation to benefit women struggling through the war in Gaza. There are only four days to submit and I don’t think anyone I know would be able to commit to that. But in an effort to be useful, I passed the message on to the current folks I’ve been working with on the Jorando Del Muerto release.
Who is the wisest person I know?
I keep seeing this prompt and thinking it says who is the worst person you know!
The wisest….?
Even people I admire I don’t consider all-wise, all-knowing. Everyone has their foibles. And everyone has some wisdom. Take the best from people so that you can learn. Try everything until you figure it out for yourself.
How am I different than I was a year ago?
Change seems slow until you look back from further in the future. I don’t feel as if I’ve changed much at all in the last twelve months. I can see very minor improvements when I look back at diary entries and think to myself ‘Oh yeah, I remember doing that’ and then making decisions about where to go from there.
Answering this question for five or ten years ago would be much easier to analyse.
How am I stepping outside my comfort zone?
I’m not doing this too much these days but I can think that forcing myself to exercise is outside my comfort zone even though I’ve been doing it regularly for a couple of years now. I’ve been taking cold showers since about March and still going at the moment, testing myself to see how far I can make it into winter. I will go and play tennis with Funfai once a week, just for thirty minutes, despite my aching old bones. I’m still not often comfortable in the classroom either. I’m still learning everything.
There’s no rest for the wicked And no rest for those of virtue Adrift in a world that never sleeps The feeling of dread is gonna get you
Gasps of dismay at faint sleights A skin now brittle and thin This ritual of panic has become The default state to be in
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed as no classes today but maybe too relaxed as I’m sleepy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The wide variety of food available especially on market days like today. I got some deep-fried fish with riceberry rice and chopped unripe mango covered with chilli fish sauce. My mouth is watering as I’m writing this!
The best thing about today was:
Sitting in House for 3 hours drinking coffee and adding blog entries, finishing off the old diary with my gig list.
Tomorrow I start adding 1983 entries and consider figuring out other gigs I went to after 1992 which is when I stopped writing them down.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing has needed to be completely in my control today. It has passed by reasonably uneventfully!
Something I learned today?
The French live 6 years longer than Americans on average and work fewer hours and produce one-third more than the British. I’m not sure how this was calculated, or even true, but I’m siding with the French against my own birthplace!
What do you think gets better with age?
I’m going to treat this as what gets better as I age and that is wisdom. As it should. There’s something wrong if you are not getting wiser.
I took this picture because the dry winter has ignited a growth spurt in our cactuses. They are going crazy.
The weekend disappeared in some kind of rush of nothing in particular. Domestication took over as I cleaned up around the house as Aing and Now arrived on Sunday morning and I should at least make everything presentable somehow. And the biggest chore at the moment is watering the garden daily as it is so dry. Amazing how quickly months and months of rain can disappear even in winter. I happily received a nice online order with the release of the Ad Interim album and anticipating another release from a cool band from Istanbul that approached me recently. And, in my endless search for interesting music, I found a band called Focusrights whom I felt immediately compelled to contact though they weren’t able to commit to anything. I still get off on the feeling of discovery of music that gets my heart pumping.
We held hands, sweaty palms But that didn’t stop our walk We circled the lake three times Lost in the nonsense of our talk
Nervous about our steps We never looked at each other’s eyes We left unsaid many thoughts For other times to realise
Could this time go on forever? We’ll live it over until our ends Remember that time at the lake When we became best of friends?
Our external searching and perpetual information hunting (and hoarding) are all ways of avoiding an answer disguised as earnestly searching for the answer.
Thomas J Bevan
Today I’m feeling: am: tired pm: happy Today I’m grateful for: Brian Walsby, his art and Manchild books which I’m almost finished reading having owned them for about 10 years already. We seem to have gone through a lot of similar experiences in our formative years. I guess a lot of us into punk in the early 80s all did in some way or other. The best thing about today was: Overcoming my tiredness in the morning and ending up really enjoying the day. Classes went well and I felt as if I was really connecting with some of the students. Daily thought Are we still the same as our 14-year-old selves? I think we all carry forward parts of our youthful follies despite wisdom received since but we cannot be the same. Some of that wisdom pays off. How would you design the city of the future? Damn, don’t let me do that. I would employ someone who knew what the hell they were doing! This question though reminds me of the ideas of Jacque Fresco who seemed to conceive of better ways for cities to be organised.
I took this picture because it’s nice when Tangmo wants to come and play for a bit. He doesn’t play so much now, he’s not a teenager anymore I suppose. I’ve been forgetting to look out for photo opportunities these last few days and this one is from a couple of weeks ago.
Dump all your bananas on the bull The real world still exists and it is full Close your eyes and a utopia appears Build a new life away from all your fears Blue lives matter on the merry bus Turn in, tune out, drop off and join us Presented to you, a technicolour better way We’ll get it right this time is what they say If we can get it right in a world that don’t exist We can do it in this one if we still persist A diversion, a revision, a life full of pranks Let us play together and praise ourselves with thanks
The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gather wisdom.
Isaac Asimov
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I can get the same toothpaste here in Thailand as Australia as it helps my sensitive teeth.
Would you really trade wisdom for youth? Too smart to ever fall off your bike Born old and closed to new truth Already knowing everything you like The knocks that you took to grow Gave deeper meaning to everything new There are always more things to know And these are the things that make you
Some people conform to the tastes of others, and they end up wearing a mask that hides their true nature.
Robert Greene
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my little hard-working motorbike that took me up and away into the mountains today.
Right now, you are in Chatswood, Australia and I am in Chiang Rai, Thailand. I’m in a cafe because the school doesn’t have anything for me to do today. Jobs where you get paid to do nothing! Crazy!
I just talked to you on the phone as you were eating spicy Som Tum in our old Chatswood kitchen. You sound happy to be back in Australia although maybe not quite sure what will happen next.
You’ll go to Albury and Adelaide and take a look around there, thinking about future possibilities. Who knows, by the time you get this letter you may be thinking of running your own little business in one of these places. Or you may be thinking to come back to Chiang Rai, relaxing and drinking red wine, playing with the cats and watching Netflix all day.
I’m happy with myself and my job. You know that I feel good to be working with the students and not necessarily the school. I’ll hang in for as long as I can and try not to cause any trouble! Haha. You know me.
Little Amy, you know I really miss your cooking. It’s the best and you’ve always taken care of me with that. Even though we are far apart, it still feels like you are here. It’s easy for us to talk anytime we want.
Happy Anniversary Amy Kee Mow. Love you so mootch.
There was a wisdom to the air A confidence contained in words A charismatic character Striding forth with bellows Seen from the side Seen straight ahead Backwards or upside down Never questioned, the whys – I questioned the wise Found lacking and falling short Unveiled, revealed to me It matters not, what you see This is just a matter for me
When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.
bell hooks
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that Amy got offered both jobs and took the 2nd one as it allows her to travel in February before starting in March. Excellent.
Music from 65daysofstatic, Stormy Six, The Controllers, Kerosene 454, Jawbreaker, Die! Die! Die!, Death, Minutemen, Beefeater, Red Cross, Necros, Hanadensha, Versus, Au Pairs, The Paper Chase, Blast, Soul Inc.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to see my friend Fern again.
Take a good hard look at people’s ruling principle, especially of the wise, what they run away from, and what they seek out.
Marcus Aurelius
Weight: 80.3kg Resting heart rate: 44
To-do list
Record TCRAH/upload. ½
Put together card for Kru Noon.
Do more drawing practice.
Do the Coursera meditation. ✅
Enjoy evening with Amy, Aing and Gus.
Well, looking at these five challenges it seems like I didn’t do much yesterday!
I did spend a bit more time reading as I was diving into the book about a girl’s abduction and trying to imagine myself in her position. I wanted to try to write down being there and all the thoughts going through my mind.
Later, I compared it with being a prisoner within your own mind – a place we can never escape.
I sorted out more CDs and feel that that task is getting closer to completion.
By the evening and time to go out, I was feeling very relaxed and happy.
As we were driving to the evening festival Amy got upset because I didn’t drive the way, the direction, she wanted. Her anger got more and more and I felt very embarrassed in front of Aing, Gus and Nu. There was no real need for it and I tried to brush it off as best I could.
Unfortunately, I was only able to do this for a short time until I felt sadness and anger too. I had to go and sit by myself for 5 minutes and calm my mind. I felt better when I returned but by then I was exhausted. Amy had a few beers and was happy though I was worried that she would drink too much and start getting violent with me again.
Things were ok though Amy was getting louder and I just felt like I wanted to be somewhere quiet. The noise of the festival was relentless, from every direction and incoherent. It gave me a headache. I tried to constantly talk myself in a positive headspace but it just got worse as Amy loudly tried to put me down in front of the others again. I couldn’t/didn’t want to have an argument in front of others and Amy knew this and used it to her advantage.
We got home and things had calmed down until Amy came and started on me again. I was tired and cranky by this point and bit back and we went to sleep unhappy with each other. I feel like there is something else behind this behaviour, not just a desire to try and control me.
I’d like to talk with Amy about this but will have to find the right time and try not to just get into another argument.
Something else that has been bothering me is Amy always talking about how all the money is with her and everything is in her name. At first, it was just a bit of fun but I’m not amused anymore. It feels like a fascist hold over me. I’m ok for her to take care of all that stuff but I don’t need reminding of it every week.
Again, I think Amy is not happy these days and doing these actions to compensate. I’d just like to see her happy and positive again – preferably without alcohol.
1994ever 