“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
My little hearts pumping blood faster than a pussycat on hot coals. In a moment I’m going to tell Julie we’re kicking her out! That is, if she turns up. Planned to see her at 4:30 and it’s now 4.36!
Hmm – have lots of action to catch up on but may have to wait till tomorrow.
Oops, not been keeping you too well informed, have I?
Well, on Saturday I got cut short writing letters cos my boss, Sid the Sexist, came so I just read the papers instead. When I got home me and Bonsa went coat hunting in antique stores down Boscombe way – but no joy, and we got screwed up by all the old farts worried we’d steal their prize crockery and crummy medals. We later checked out an old army collector place in Poole. The idea is to find a coat for me to get married in, by the way. And there was an old witch of a woman running this place. She was very eccentric and talked strangely – she was quite pleasant really but looked like she had a cauldren hidden away somewhere.
Next we took the familiar road to Southampton and to the Joiners, where most of our mates were already hung out. John and Selena and their friend Lisa strung out on speed and also getting pissed up. Useful Idiot played and totally blew me away and then I read Maximum Rock ‘n’ Roll through Haywire’s set – notable only for their mad looking bass player. Oi Polloi finished off and were very entertaining. Though riddled with cliches, the singer, Deke’s, sincerity shone through. After I’d sold a few LPs we got everything packed up and drove everyone to John and Selina’s in the back of the van with renditions of about 600 different songs, or choruses of, on the way.
Me and Broni started to drink when we got back which was at about 1am. But we only lasted till three or so. We crashed in the back of the van and went into deep gorgeous sleep after a few minutes of fidgeting on the hard floor.
Awoke to bright sunshine and cooking like canned sardines at about 8.30 and went back in to find a couple of people about, or just in the throes of going to sleep! We made some coffees and drunk them in the cool Sunday morning sun, Rob joining us and gradually more people surfacing. Intending to leave at about 10 or so I think we got away at about midday. I should just mention here that Chrissy decided not to come last night because, I guess, she would still feel a bit strange without Steve being around. Such a difficult situation she has faced up to – all power to her. She knows all the people here, all her friends still love her.
Okay, video camera armed we checked out The New Forest and all its animals – donkeys, horses and cows all with their babies, and pigs the size of cars. You would not believe – awesome. Another beautiful cloudless day – eventually we got home and decided to head to the beach, forgetting any responsibilities we were supposed face!
The sea was warm in the evening sun and me, Broni and John played ball and I swam a bit and a bit more (though not yet breathing underwater). Another fantastic push bike ride through the woods and, gosh, you should’ve seen the smiles on our faces. Oh, so in love with life and happy to be alive. We realised how lucky we are and how well off we are compared with others. We also realise that it is our spirit and outlook that gives us the right attitude to approach adversity whenever it needs to be faced – and we know we will.
Quickly quickly – let me tell you a couple of things about today. For one, it’s mega hot, hitting 30s and a field of cows crowded together for cooling (I presume), some weird sight anyway – I travelled up to near London on a delivery and sat smiley listening to the Palace Bros, Will Palace singing, “The world is within you, without is of mud”. Oh yes, fucking fuck. How can you not love life??!
Hey dudes, too busy to write yesterday but you can be content in the knowledge that I was in good mood especially after listening to Phantom Tollbooth as I whizzed round the countryside in the glorious sunshine again.
And what do you know, apent the evening relaxing, at home, then at the Bengali Tandoori (yummy) and back at Kerry’s for Roseanne and Whose Line Is It Anyway? My poor Broni is not well, having caught the cough/cold I had but I hope the relaxing style of the night helped calm her after another busy day for her.
And Shaun, I want you to remember that our lovemaking has been the best ever in the last two days! Oh, I gotta dash because I want to catch up on some letters but, don’t you worry, I’ll be keeping you informed.
Now is later and last night went okay in the fact then I managed to relax a bit. Unfortunately Broni had lots of work to do which kept her going till late.
John-boy’s bought himself a motorbike and hadn’t told Sarah he had it, so last night she came round and John crept outside while she was in the kitchen to go and start the bike (and show off his prize new possession (or penis extension as I called it!)). Unfortunately it wouldn’t start and took about 40 goes to kick it over. With each kick his ego shrinking! John bounces right back and is embarrassed about nothing really.
Tony Newton, the landlords agent, came round tonight to talk to Julie. Apparently he got the tears and everything. He also got her video player as a deposit against money she owes. Ha! She’s not a very happy girl and though we do feel sorry for her we would like her to be somebody else’s problem, and she’s the only one who can do anything for her.
Had a chat with Michelle tonight too and she’s pretty sound. Very straightforward and, I like this word for someone, nice! Also had time to sneak in some ballgames up at the park, with a mad dog running around, slippery tongue a-dangling, on speed or something.
Broni and I eventually, together, slept like babies wrapped in each other and woke this morning light beaming in the windows of our hearts. And I wish I could sit and write more and talk in depth about emotions and feelings but time is not here on my side just now (I do still work eight hours a day!).
One day I want to write about every single person I know – a brief summary of what they meant to me. One day, along with all the other things.
Well today I’m tense as all hell. Muscles knotted up tighter than Rollins and his band. What to do to relieve the pressure?
To finish off yesterday’s summary, the party at Kerry’s soon degenerated into sombreness and I watched the football in the other room most of the time (me being sober too). After five months of not drinking Kerry really went for it but got pissed sad instead of pissed happy – I hope she learns from it that maybe drinking isn’t such a good idea all the time! She’s sensible though and I think she’ll work through all her sorrows (her dad recently departed) and not drink her way through them.
And Broni was shattered from working far too hard again. I took her down the park and watched her face light up excitedly when I let her drive the van, hence the continuation of tenseness.
This waiting period for us is very hard and I hope we will overcome any problems that arise easily and quickly and hope the change over to another country makes us happy (goddamn, all the mega changes in our life – happening in the next six months – only two and a bit months left now).
Must try to relax and let myself go a bit. I know this for fucks sake. More later.
Well, I didn’t hold out much hope and indeed, Ireland are out and on the next plane home, as they say, losing 2-0, with two ridiculous mistakes to let Holland in. A reasonable match, Broni took five though and watched ‘The Piano’ again on video upstairs.
John-boy turned up with newly purchased motorbike and face alight with delight. Then onto Kerry’s for me and Broni, with food and drink and fun on our minds.
Just before we left I let Julie know we were not very happy with the bills situation, particularly after she just got some money through and pissed it away in the pub. You know she told me she lent some money to someone!
Jen was already at Kerry’s which was a bit foreboding but we politely chatted away. 70-year-old Ron came from next door (such a cool bloke for his age – I’d like to be like him, I think, when I reach that age). Then Kerry’s mum and Liz and her two kids. Champagne was drunk and the story of Kerry’s surfing accident told each time someone else came round. Her face not looking as bad as expected.
From bad to worse. Julie turned up Thursday night/Friday morning, broken fingers and avoiding explanations. Drunk again Friday night and claiming poverty re the phone bill. And the list goes on but enough.
On Friday I took my baby and John-boy and Sarah up to Southampton to see the mighty John Otway (one-hit-wonder and star). On the way we got caught in the most magnificent thunderstorm. I had to slow down to about 30 miles an hour on the motorway due to poor visibility, the dark skies lit by sudden surging flashes as bolts came down around us. Such a beautiful feeling of refreshment in the air as we passed through.
We met Mick and Lisa, with friend Michaela and lovely puppy dog Floyd. And then laughed our socks off for an hour as Otway and pal did a manic performance of huge proportions! We grinned so much our faces hurt.
After getting back home again we stayed up and watched some comedy on TV before going to bed but my rest, and subsequently Broni’s was disturbed by my fits of uncontrollable coughing which seems to be the last remnants of my cold.
Saturday was big meal day as my sweet and I went for breakfast in Boscombe and stuffed ourselves silly before paying for our flight to Australia (no turning back now) and the sun was out for us just to let us know what it was going to be like.
Later we went Indian and, stuffed again, went down to the river near Wimborne and played on the bridge over the murky water, the light of day now gone. Home again, bed again and another night I coughed us awake.
Despite all that we got up (dragged up in my case) in cheerful mood, Broni off for a swim while John and I crash banged our way to the beach on our bikes, racing through the woods and paths of Branksome Chine. It being so nice there we thought we’d come back later with Broni and Sarah. The sun was baking, high in the hazy sky. So, racing back up paths and woods I turned and twisted and fell on a tree stump and cut my knee open just like I used to daily when I was about 5 or 6, giving me plenty of practice at scab picking. I wonder how my knees may hold out in later life.
So, Sarah came over in her open-top jeep and we took balls, food and water down to the beach, me and John hanging on in the back as people looked on in wonder. And at the beach Broni took it easy, coming down with tonsillitis and tiredness (and did I mention the mouth ulcers, big as Moon craters). John and I ran into the water and played ball, I surprised myself by actually enjoying being in the water and was reluctant to leave later. Sarah waded in a bit but understandably wasn’t too keen on getting soaked all over (as we were). Me and John played for ages, throwing, heading, skimming, passing all manner of balls from then I felt like Superman, spurred on by John’s manic activity.
Back in the jeep and home, Broni fell asleep as I watched football (Sweden beat Saudi Arabia 3-1, a good game too). Then, after some munch, John and I went to play football tennis at his friend Lauren’s. Despite the cloudy mist, we sweated buckets in the evening’s still. Then back for more football (Romania brilliantly beating Argentina 3-2) as Broni fell back to sleep, then me following until some early hour, us both awake again with my worst fit of coughing so far.
Today Broni’s off work at my request (she was not well enough, despite her protests and I think she’s welcome of it too really) Well, during today I got a bit better as rain started to tipple down but now the sun’s back out and the oppressive atmosphere is claustrophobic on my chest. I’m looking forward to getting back down the beach again sometime despite it knackering me out today.
Due to circumstances, it looks like I’ll be doing some more driving at work which is cool with me – I gets chance to write this! Found out Kerry smashed her face surfing on the weekend, poor girl, losing part of her front tooth and tonight we go to celebrate the last day of her diet in which she lost three stone and looks much better (in herself) for it. Of course, I’ll be there coughing up my guts, Broni with sore throat and ulcers and Kerry, a-bruised – sounds like a good reason to party to me! This, after we watched Ireland play Holland to stay in the World Cup.
Shaun’s Show
The last 2 S.T.E. gigs at the Joiners have really impressed me and I don’t just mean band/music-wise. Being a long-time friend of the S.T.E. Collective, I feel reasonably comfortable at the gigs and the Joiners where most have been in the last 4 years and I guess I know pretty well what to expect.
Over the time, one gig sticks out as being particularly good and that was seeing Green Day play around the time of Rich’s birthday. Green Day, as you probably well know, are good fun blokes and raised many a moshing smile that night, dragging Rich on-stage for a rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ amongst other mad moments.
I got to meet and talk to Larry Livermore which was way cool and everyone there was smiling and talking to each other and having fun. There was a sense of achievement and a spirit of one-ness (Rob thinks he’s got the monopoly on taking hippy shit!). Fuck, you know what I mean, don’t you?
Anyway, I got that feeling again last week, while seeing Thirst/The Harries/Rhythm Collision. I was stuck most of the night behind the record stall but it gave me a great vantage point to look and watch everyone and get a good feel of the atmosphere. It was good to see many happy faces and excellent to see new ones (and Rocket From The Crypt t-shirts!) and girls too seem to be coming forward more and more into the gigs, which is great. Gigs can still seem intimidating sometimes.
Thirst played a good set, getting better all the time and always getting a reaction one way or another from the crowd! Both The Harries and Rhythm Collision play music that’s not really to my taste (I don’t like Green Day much either) but it’s got that foot-tapping happy tone to it, that makes you feel good inside.
Many people hung around afterwards and chatted to the bands and with friends and as I was talking to Rhythm Collision’s guitarist, it suddenly struck me that what’s going on here is bigger than all of us (though made up by us).
There I was talking to a complete stranger about my forthcoming trip to Oz and finding out we both have a mutual friend there. I’ve heard it said that hardcore is the second biggest underground organisation in the world (next to the Mafia!). Who knows if that’s true but it seemed cool to me that I have friends all around the world, who I’ve never spoken to, written to or even met yet. The main thing that draws us together being music (and sometimes politics).
The second gig – Thirst/Zimmer Frames/Bedlam Hour – proved even more so, the trust and respect that us punks give and take from each other. Bedlam Hour toured without any equipment (relying on being able to use other bands’ when they got to the gig) and organised their whole European tour themselves from names and addresses in ‘Book Your Own Fuckin’ Life’ magazine.
Here they were in Southampton, thousands of miles from home, welcomed into our friendly atmosphere. They were the most friendly, admirable people you could ever wish to meet.
The one thing that got the crowd going being a magnificent rendition of Minor Threat’s ‘In My Eyes’ sung by Queer Rob. From then on, everyone was convinced. I saw guys at the bar looking on, thinking ‘Who the hell is this band?’, who were now jumping up and down and sideways, with their pals.
Girls not sure about the huge bulldozer bass player with udders were now laughing along at the absurd fun everyone was having.
Note should be made of Queer Rob’s Art Deco dancing (too much Big Breakfast methinks!) to Thirst and The Zimmer Frames great sets.
These gigs were certainly events to be proud of and now let’s look forward to the next gig and all those to come in the future. Sharing our music, our friendship, proud in the knowledge we are part of something bigger and that we are making a difference.
Here’s more about learning to let go when things are out of your control.
Julie, one of our housemates, was totally pissed on Wednesday before we all went out to see John-boy performing in the play ‘The Got girls’ (more on that later). I took an instant dislike to her the day I met her (don’t ask me why – just one of those feelings) and she’s done nothing to impress since then (in about two months). Our cooker mysteriously got broken too and I can honestly say the rest of us would have owned up immediately to each other (all of us deny any knowledge).
Anyway, Wednesday, pissed as a rat in the afternoon, we eventually managed to organise her to get to come to this play. She’s bullshitting on about moving into our room after we leave (which, in everyone’s interest would not be a good idea) and also getting a dog! We said no way. She said she got in touch with Tony Newton, who acts as our landlord and he said it was okay and she, pathetically, keeps going on about it.
I started to worry a bit about her falling asleep drunk with a lit cigarette and also about the men she brings home sometimes from the pub. Anyways, she’s complaining about the telephone bill and hasn’t paid the rent, claiming Tony Newton knows all this.
So I ring Mr Newton on other business and just mentioned these things and ha! What do you know – he hasn’t heard from her at all!
What to do now I wonder – house meeting in order!! New girl, Michelle, moves in tomorrow and I don’t think she’s going to be too impressed either. well that’s some more gossip for you.
The play and John-boy were both excellent. Really funny and despite lots of mistakes was performed with heart and soul. More later.
1994ever 