This week there’s music from Outside In, Deerhoof, PFM, The Small Faces, This Heat, Debile Menthol, Quizz Kidz, Magma, MC5, Lightning Bolt, The Vibrators, Unsane and The Shades.
Brain Dump
Fed cats but forgot to check KimChi didn’t eat Cap’s food. Cap’s so lovely – follows Amy everywhere. So fluffy and gentle. Kim teases him all the time and Tigger seems to hate him! Which cat am I? Tigger the hater – Kim the teaser – Cap the gentle. Which do I want to be. Of course. Be like Cap.
Half Man Half Biscuit on mental jukebox. On the ‘roids. Five-minute workout. Feels good but not yet inspiring enough to do a 10 or 20-minute workout. Don’t need to push it anyway.
I read – can I act on it? Practical things yes, but mental things? The result of performing practical things will bring me towards the mental things. I will spend my whole life doing this.
Ache in shoulder. Cateran. *
Time to watch a movie today? So many great movies. Sometimes feel like I don’t have time or concentration to watch movies anymore but that’s not really true. Painkillers or not today? Aching eye – tired from screens probably. Do eye exercises?
*reference to The Cateran song Ache from the album of the same name. I believe the line sung is ‘ache in clover’.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for getting out of bed with my alarm this morning and doing my morning routine when I could have ignored it completely. I feel good for it.
To-do list
Get up and do your routine – no excuse ✅
Drill and put up pictures ✅
Sort out visa in the afternoon
Find yoga video and Jordan Yeoh (?) video
More blog posts ✅
Easy day but went too fast. I pushed myself to wake up and get up this morning and did about 90% of my usual routine.
Went for coffee, watched the Swans game, went to Big C for lunch and shopping. Feel pretty good today.
Reading some old diary entries from 1994 seems to show me that I understood many of the things I’m going through now back then. Feels like even after all that time I still didn’t learn from it. I’m not beating myself up over it – just noticing. I need to stop thinking and reading and start doing.
I am so happy and grateful that I pushed myself for a few extra minutes this morning, forcing myself out of bed, doing some more stretches and exercise.
Brain dump
Not sure of the date – losing time! Sebadoh today. Soul and Fire.
Woke up in my dream – it was an interesting dream. I was visiting a psychiatrist and had been waiting with tons of other people for ages – was drinking terrible coffee – psych laughed with me about how bad it was.
Sat down with her eventually, felt safe and secure. She started talking about people in my past and bad things that have happened to them despite them being rich and happy (ambitious). They had tried to cheat and got caught. I told that I heard about it even though I was very far removed from these events. I felt happy that they had been caught – somehow, that they had been brought down to my level.
When I woke up I wondered why I thought like that. And why I needed to say anything. I didn’t really need to say or think about these people at all but I somehow keep comparing myself to others. I need to value my own self.
I was also disappointed I woke up before I got to tell the psych whatever it was I was feeling. Maybe my subconscious wanted me to wake up before I could get the advice because it knows I already have the advice in my head. I just need to remember and use it already.
Memories about a Chinese girl in the MacQuarrie Uni class – I’d liked her but acted so dumb and stupid. I got upset with her because she acted cold to me but still said nice things. I didn’t understand this at the time.
To-do list
Compliment – compliment – compliment ½
What do you GIVE to the situation?
‘Thank you’ mantra ✅
Squats, stretch, weights 10 mins? ✅
Record TCRAH tonight? ✅
Back to another quiet day – only another week or so to go until students come back. It will be a little strange to get back to (semi) normal.
I read a lot of Promised Neverland today – really enjoying its philosophical outlook with an odd creepy dystopian story.
I felt good and positive with myself all day. I had enough energy to record another TCRAH and enjoy it. I had more to write but much of it has gone out of my mind now!
The mountains at the back of our house run in valleys, sometimes into the distance or in parallel ridges. In this picture, a valley running off towards the west, and its surrounding mountains were bathed in sunshine, the bright greens bouncing into the sky.
Scanning to the left, the air turns thicker and a battle is brewing for territorial dominance. The clouds are too heavy to keep their water and it drops onto the leafy jungle, turning into wisps of mist. Dark rolls around the skies, dragging the clouds down from above, stirring a big soup with deep rumbles and sudden flashes.
This one will deliver.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be surrounded by caring people that can help need realise my potential.
Brain dump
Drain pipe fell out – who will fix? I can try but I think needs glue – we don’t have.
Social Distortion on mental jukebox for no reason other than it matched my rhythm of lifting weights. What else can I get out of my head this morning? Noisy frogs – but none outside our entertainment area now – have snakes gone – maybe?
Sore butt sitting here yesterday for too long – back – a little ache lower left – arm feel well used.
Now! Now! Now! Not the before, not five minutes – breakfast, school, videos – but now?! Surrounded by things I love – even snakes and frogs. Beautiful grey sky! Rain rain rain – not like UK. Beeping from UPS – what happened – who knows? Okay – Thai and meditation because I don’t know what’s in my head at the moment really.
To-do list
Compliment – silent wishes – smile ½
Laugh and enjoy making videos again ✅
Squats/exercise/stretch ✅
Remind yourself about listening ½
Keep up with learning Thai ✅
A bit more activity at school today as we did the video in the morning and that was fun compared with the past week or so of just sitting around and reading.
George was, to my mind, quite overbearing this morning, when he said he thought I should exercise more and that he was only saying these things because he cares about me so much. He sounded sincere in his words but I felt a little negative about it. George feels like a father figure and he speaks with authority but sometimes it has the opposite effect – as he has experienced with Bee too – and it can make people just want to be stubborn and do the opposite – or just to think ‘Stop telling me what to do’.
But I recognised these thoughts and feelings and wondered why I was so negative towards them. Just thinking about this for a while actually took away the negativity. George can be right in what he is saying and it is still ok for me to not accept his advice about it.
I also think it wasn’t completely justified as I feel quite fit and healthy these days and don’t feel the need to be really pushing myself too hard with lifting weights and working out in such a determined manner as he does.
Anyway I was proud of myself to not let it effect the rest of my day at all and was curious about my feelings.
This lovely pup belongs to some workers at our school. He has a broken back and has to drag his back legs along the ground. He also can’t control his pee and poo. But he’s a happy dog still. The owner seemed to indicate it was himself who ran over the dog to cause its broken back, though we may have missed something in translation. Either way, he seems to be taking reasonable care of him now. His coat is clean and healthy at least.
I would still like to buy him some wheels though.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for these lovely plants in our teacher’s room. They give a great feeling of welcoming and sharing and comfort.
9th Aug 2022 – picture now lost to time (digital lack of care!)
Brain dump
Mid-June, mid-year already, all plans changed but life remains mostly the same. Hüsker Dü – I Will Never Forget You – I don’t know why. Why Hüsker Dü – why do I know all these obscure songs that no one is really interested in these days? Never mind – it’s my life.
Cooler days – wet days, rain. Sticky still – first mini exercise in days got blood flowing, heart rate up, under 80 kg. Can I stay? Get rid of belly fat – still too much. Get a belly like Bruno but that guy has so much nervous energy.
Yesterday was amusing. Life Of Brian reference into Life Of George. Critique of religion. Reluctant Messiah. What is the truth? Does it even matter? JFK. UFO. Three-letter acronyms describe our world. Stupid world? Maybe.
To-do list
Compliment – silent wishes – smile ½
Learn more Thai ✅
Time for zines after teaching? ✅
Exercise in the morning/meditate later ✅
Practice listening – show curiosity and interest ½
Another day, another 1000 baht. At school, I managed to finish reading one of my books, learn more Thai and felt pretty chilled. I was holding some tension though so that I couldn’t quite savour the moment. That’s ok though. Despite being chilled it was (or felt) productive.
I even managed to start and finish my mini-zine for Aing, just in time for her birthday. I’ll try and do Nu’s over the next day or two. Pretty happy that I was able to incorporate something more creative in my day today.
Also – I just remembered – near the end of the work day a couple of bits of news came through. First, one of my videos got lost in a hard drive crash and will have to be recorded again in the morning. Under difficult circumstances, this could have been a chance of causing a negative reaction for me but now it will at least make tomorrow a little more interesting.
After that, there was some online discussion about having to work six days a week – again, could have had the potential for a negative reaction, but I was so involved in my book and wanting to finish it that I didn’t let it distract or bother me. At the moment it’s just talk and things change so much from day to day that it’s not even worth thinking about anyway.
Sleeping alone out in my office man cave meant being able to listen to music quietly through the night and I sometimes approached consciousness and felt deep involvement in the sounds in the room. I have no idea of those sounds or songs once awake again and I also had to turn off the stereo when a long noise piece came up on the shuffle as the sun was rising outside.
The sofa in my room is plenty comfortable for a one-hour nap but not so great for a whole night and as the brightening day chased away the night I threw down a couple of glasses of water and headed out on the motorbike with the intention of heading into the mountains to see if I could get to the stupa that is visible from the fourth floor of our school.
I had a rough idea of where to go and figured it wouldn’t take too long and could get back home before the day got too hot. It was a little cloudy and the big rain the day before had cooled everything down by a couple of degrees too.
But first, to Utopia to throw down a couple of coffees to get fully charged. They perfectly hit the spot and I hit the road in earnest.
I had a rough idea of the direction to head towards, which involved going over a road I travelled down with Amy a few weeks previously. I took the highway down to the other university in the area, this being the first time I have actually gone that far on this road. It’s usually a little hectic on this road with lots of crazy aunties just pulling out from side-roads and houses on their dilapidated old motorcycles, so I was glad to get down there and off towards the university as soon as possible.
Around to the side is a huge pond of water lilies with flowers yet open looking like massive cabbages on stalks.
A little further and a fishing lake with views towards the mountains at the back of my house.
Onwards towards the hot spring and then across to the Big Buddha, which isn’t a Buddha at all, but the Chinese goddess, Kwanyin.
Big Buddha is easier to say and absolutely everyone knows where you mean. This monument is a good landmark as you head into the mountains too.
To get there you have to pass a landfill which is tucked between a couple of hills and only announces itself as you turn a corner and the stench hits the back of your throat. Here the road crumbles down to a dirt track but having been here fairly recently I remembered the way through. The old wooden houses here are dirty and rotten and mangy old dogs stare at you if they can even be bothered to lift their heads from their slumber.
Then it’s onto the bypass – another scary proposition but at least there are not many side roads here for motorcycles to sudden pull out from, it’s just the speeding trucks to be aware of. Fortunately this newish road is still not used that much and it’s an enjoyable ride along. At the bridge I can see the stupa in the distance that is my planned destination (the little white dot on the mid-left in the picture above). The hill in the foreground grabs my attention though as there is a house up there as well as another Buddhist monument. How the hell do you get up there – the view must be amazing. One day in the future I will find out.
The opposite view takes in the river, which flows towards the city. It looks fairly sedate but from my one experience of falling in I can confirm it flows quite fast! The ground is dry yet the jungle manages to maintain well enough. We’re approaching the rainy season and there was a big rain a few days prior but not enough to waterlog anything yet.
Here’s the side on view of the same hill, it looks like the monks accommodation is in the white building but there’s no obvious temple here. Apparently there are caves in here somewhere too. Investigate later.
The red trees are flowering everywhere though the photos don’t really show up how bright they are. I love these rigid lines of plants growing, they counter the randomness of everything else here in Thailand.
I don’t know what the plants are. Anyone know?
Further on, I’m struck by this modern looking building on the hill – what a great place to live. A couple of hundred metres down the road and there is a sign indicating that there is a coffee shop up there, so what the hell, let’s go have another coffee and see what the view is like. The toilet is a tiny cute shack but I couldn’t find a light so had to guess with the small amount of light penetrating the gaps and cracks in the wooden frame. I think I got some in the bowl.
And the view was indeed fabulous. Yet another Instagram cafe here in Chiang Rai. Everyone seems to have one. The owners house, back and above the cafe looked magnificent, with two big dogs lazily guarding the gate. And the coffee was great, along with the refreshing tea that comes with it.
Just around the corner I noticed a big dragon staircase being built and a road up the hill next to it, so I nosily went to have a look. The top opened out into this area with this beautiful tree which I wanted to take home and use for shade in our garden. Behind the tree is a small stupa and I’m wondering now if this was the one I could see before. I thought it was a bit further along than here but I actually didn’t end up going to where I had planned to see what was there. Again, plenty of time to go back and investigate again.
I’m a sucker for these red flowering trees.
And in the distance here, again, not accurately significant in this picture, a huge pink flowering tree that I hoped to see more of so I could get a picture close up.
I was due to turn away from the river so stopped a few times to take more pictures. Here, two locals were walking along the banks, possibly looking for fishing spots. They saw me and shouted ‘Hello’ as I replied ‘Sawatdee khap’ in return. People are generally happy and friendly everywhere I go. They are curious about what you are doing and give them something to gossip about when the community gathers in the evenings.
This picture was taken at a covered area with a few plastic chairs scattered around – probably the community gathering spot. Like everything, it’s dirty and dusty and looks unused and anywhere can a meeting place anyway. Who knows what happens here at night?
This monument presumably brings luck and abundance to the surrounding land. I haven’t seem any other places similar to this.
I started deviating from the plan I had in my mind (actually I forgot to turn off at the right point) and ended up in this strange village with just a few buildings and didn’t look like many people were around. Maybe it’s just one big extended family living here. Their mango tree is doing better than ours.
And so I started heading up…
…and the views got more spectacular.
Finally a waterfall. However, the road ahead was begging me to keep going, so I did. I don’t know how to measure inclines but this picture doesn’t really show just how steep it was. And beyond here an Akha village where everyone was gathering for the Sunday church service. Beautiful hymnal singing came out of the building, in what sounded like the local language, making it all the more intriguing to me. There were many locals standing around, staring at the dumb lost foreigner and I felt like I was invading their space somewhat, so chose to head on. That was a mistake, as the hill got ever steeper and thinner until the road ran out at a house at the very top. As I tried to manoveur around on the slope, with out rolling backwards and over the edge, the owner came out to see what the noise was and told me, in English, I had to go back and turn at the bottom of the hill. I didn’t realise yet but I’d totally missed the turn off I should have taken and ended up here.
I went back down the hill and tried to ride up to the waterfall. I only got about 15 metres before the path was blocked and not knowing just how far the waterfall was (I have walked to other waterfalls for several hours without ever finding them!) I just took this quick snap and turned back. Friends tell me later that it isn’t much further along, so, again, one for another time.
I head back down hill looking for this turn off I should have taken. Google Maps shows it as a major throughway so I’m looking for some solid concrete road. The local kids are bemused to see me riding up and down looking for it.
And it turns out this is the main road – actually the only road – through the mountains going south. Here it is a little wider, the actually entry from the road I was on is little more than an overgrown foot track. And once again I’m heading up but this time through some slippery, sloppy muddy parts.
First part navigated and things dry out a bit. But I’m still going up and I’m starting to hear and smell the engine working hard over this tough irregular road. It’s a struggle and at some points I ponder turning back. But the thought that there might be something special just around the corner spurs me on.
I’m also spurred on my the fact that there are relatively fresh bike tracks along here which means that it is still getting used often enough that I can be rescued if the need be! In fact I start to worry about hitting a rock and falling off and breaking bones. But not enough to stop me. Around here I could also start to hear the buzzing of chainsaws so I figured these bikes tracks may have been made today. It was only a few minutes later I realised it was the buzz and rattle of cicadas (or whatever other bugs make noise in here).
Up and up and just a small gap in the bamboo jungle. Now I have to hope that Google Maps is keeping me on track.
This one is still one the way up. About another 15 minutes later I reached a peak and took some video (which I can’t upload here). It’s a panaroma around both sides of the ridge and it is absolutely silent except the buzzing of insects. No industry, no people, no machines. Just nature. If you can zoom in to this picture you’ll find Kwanyin as a tiny white dot in the distance.
And so, to the other side. Now, getting down was a scarier prospect than going up. Just over the edge here turned into thick mud and brakes became less functional. I could hear the roar of engines in the distance and presently four teenagers rounded the corner on their trail bikes and we smiled and nodded at each other and I’m sure they had a good laugh at the silly foreigner trying to navigate these roads with his little step through motorbike. Whatever, I made it down safely.
Going down hill didn’t last for long as I finally arrived at this village which was only 4 kms away from the main road but had taken me about an hour to get here. At each village the road returns to concrete until you get to the other side. At each concrete road I had thought I had arrived back on regular routes, only to discover more mud just around the corner, or, once again, up the hill. It was also threatening to rain up here but only managed a spit.
If you’re going to live in a wooden shack, make sure it’s the best spot in the village. Up some more again.
Zooming in on this shows the ridges of the mountains repeating off into the distance. It was around here I started to feel a natural ecstasy. A oneness, a wholeness. Goddamn, I want to hold on to that feeling.
I joked with myself that I was getting sick of seeing beautiful things over and over again. It just didn’t stop. When I showed Amy these pictures later she was very blazé about them. ‘It’s my country, it’s what I’ve seen all my life.’ I was intoxicated, however.
Here, the local soccer pitch looks like it could use some loving. Just to the right is a Chinese gravesite, looking over the valley which runs long and wide. ‘Bury Me High’ indeed.
Yet, it seems I can still go further up. A couple of spots of farmers burning crops thankfully weren’t enough to smog up everywhere.
Scenes like these make we want to travel more. This one reminds me of places in Sichuan province in China and I also love the mountains in Switzerland.
I guess I’m a mountain person but I think I equally enjoy the beach. 22 years in Sydney probably took care of my beach pleasures though there are times here in Chiang Rai when I wish it was possible to just go rush into the cold waters of the ocean again.
Finally I made it to the other side, about 4 hours after leaving on what I thought would perhaps only take 2 hours in total. I still had to get back yet. This view is to the south of Chiang Rai – all the others had been looking north or west.
I didn’t take any more pictures as I was going down again as I was hanging on for dear life, most of the way, followed by trucks and other motorbikes and sometimes negotiating tractors and other farming vehicles.
And finally a rest stop, with 4g connection and I tell Amy I’m fine and not to worry. I call my friend to meet for lunch in about an hour at a cafe back near the river. I basically completed a large circle on my journey and would finally end up back on the bypass.
But, I still had an hour before needing to be at the cafe and going directly there by road would only take about 20 minutes. So I rode around Singha Park, enjoying it’s manicured grounds, and ended up coming out the other side back near the mountains again. Another hill tribe village and a check of Google and there looked like roads to make it through, so let’s go and see.
Quickly, the farm land was taken over by rows and rows of pineapple and these dirt roads petered out into walking tracks. Still, Google showed that there was a way through so after crossing a couple of streams I finally found a way out.
Here the vista opened up to these papaya trees and a happy dog was lounging in the shade of the rubber trees on the right.
All around this hill sat various Buddha images which I lost count of as I rode on past. After meeting my friends for lunch I headed home as directly as possible as my skin was already turning crab coloured from sunburn. I made it back at 4pm. Once this sunburn was healed I hope I can go out again. I might also have to wait for the rainy season to finish too. There’s been a couple of big rains since this adventure which may have made much of this journey impossible now.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I can remember that 24 hours can change everything. One day you can feel so bad but the next day things become good.
Brain dump
Better, better, better today, glad to be feeling this way. Are you reading this, future me? Future anyone? Can you read this drivel scribble?
Naked Reagan Vanilla Blue – but I’m okay. Talking with Hayden on the first floor (sunshine girl in hotpants buying drinks) we make an agreement to tell each other more about our lives. He has gone through the wringer and I can tell he is grateful for our support. He tries to make me feel better and I really appreciate that.
Memory goes in and out – trying to recall things in my past – maybe removing things from now. Doesn’t matter too much but Amy gets mad. What a life! I’ve been and done little compared with some but done so much compared with others. Rise, fall, rise.
So many books. Loving reading – take me to a different world. Thankful. Time to meditate.
To-do list
Silent good wishes – compliment – smile ✅
Enjoy the dentist – as always ½
Take pictures for visa
Do some more for Nu’s zine
Find things to print for Aing too ✅
Quiet day today – feeling fine – except the dentist was not so much fun today – a little painful but I tried to breathe through it. Now the numbness has worn off, the pain is coming through again and giving me a big headache.
Tomorrow will likely be another quiet day so, a good opportunity to try and repeat some better habits. With only a couple of more weeks of free time left, I should take advantage of this.
Are you living in line with what you value?
Yes, and this is causing some difficulty for me as I cannot accept the cultural difference here in Thailand. I value fairness and justice and finding elements of corruption permeate society here, gossip can rule the day here. It’s a difficult adjustment and not one I’m sure I can endure.
This is certainly not the rain of England. The snitty spitty in-your-face cold annoying dull grey wet of Atlantic weather. This is the joyous cooling rain of the tropics, life bringing to our plants – flood bringing to the roads and fields.
The fisherman was still paddling his boat around the river and I wished I was him.
Are you someone or no one? Are you alive or dead? – Subhumans, ‘Rain’
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the rain today. It’s cool and refreshing and feeding our plants.
Brain dump
Bad weekend full of negative thoughts – still now struggling with it. Hayden and I are the same – I can see now. When I look at his life there seems to be a key event that has caused him problems – i.e. when he got bashed.
I got punched a couple of times in my youth too but I didn’t put much significance into those events – but maybe they did leave some effect. I know I was dark for some time after both of them and when I look at them now I can conceive that I deserved to be punched both times. But does anyone deserve that? Am I selling myself short?
Stopped painkillers for now and double sertraline again – see if I can get some stability back. Feel like I’m too serious and not enough fun.
Talked with Amy last night. She pointed out that I don’t know enough about Hayden and his life. He always gets a little defensive about any questions about what he is doing though so usually I just wait for him to offer up information. This time I guess both me and his mum waited too long. Yes, I blame myself. But at least now is a chance to do something about it I guess.
I’ll try to talk to him about this today. Hope I can keep my own head clear.
Now it’s Monday and my head is on straighter. I woke up more inspired despite having to go back to work – where we are doing nothing. Somehow I was motivated – perhaps my doubling my sertraline. Perhaps by Amy putting things clearly for me before sleeping last night.
I was fortunate to be able to talk with Hayden this afternoon and he sounds so much more hopeful too. We agreed to talk to each other more often and in more depth in the future. I felt so much better to hear him talk more clearly and deeply. I told him that he is very much like me – I can understand the way he thinks and all the negative self-talk he puts on himself. I do that plenty too – usually, I can get over it well enough and I’m glad to say I’m over that little dip from the weekend. Let’s see if I can continue.
I am so happy and grateful that even when my favourite coffee shop is closed I can find good coffee. I am so happy and grateful that I can afford to go out and buy good coffee.
The last few days have been not so good. This weekend spoiled by bad mood and depression. I have felt inadequate and undermine all my good points. I have wondered what I’m doing here. What is my purpose and what is the point of me? Ugh.
This week there’s music from Estradasphere, Generation X, Hanadensha, Ken Boothe/Stranger Cole, Cat Power, Tipographica, The Monkees, Hayvanlar Alemi, Phleg Camp, 3D’s, The Fall, Keukhot, The Sneer-Towners, Sex Clark Five, Annihilation Time and The Nipple Erectors.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have so many choices for entertainment in my home.
I am so happy and grateful that I got access back to our Westpac bank account today!
3rd Aug 2022 – Both Amy and I hadn’t been able to access our Australia account with our phone app, although we were still able to use our debit cards. We tried calling the bank in Oz and whilst they were helpful there was information that we couldn’t quite remember so that they could confirm we were who we were saying we were! For me, I couldn’t remember the address I had in Adelaide, or even if I had updated it with the bank. It was frustrating for us but I can totally understand the bank not giving access.
And then – I remembered the correct password! Woohoo. We couldn’t get Amy’s access back though but all was right with mine, enough to even get a new debit card sent to Thailand.
Hayden in hospital – far away can’t see. Drama in his life. Girls – damn, was that always my problem too? Glad I found a couple of good ones in my time. What to do – what to say? Talk to him later I guess.
Head not too clear – last night say goodbye to Nu as he heads home. Couple of beers – no drunk feeling but slight blurry feeling this morning. Head with thoughts but not clear.
Cracking creaking neck. Stretch it better. Bleugh, alcohol. Fat belly breathing up and down. Try to clear.
Teach tonight. Talk more. Am I good at talking– good at listening?
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that my son was smart enough to seek help when he really needed it. I hope he can work through his problems and lead a happy life.
To-do list
Mini-zine for Nu – check his Facebook ½
Positive – smile- compliment – wish ½
Prepare for meeting Mike tomorrow ✅
More Thai practice – this is a great opportunity ✅
Try to talk with Hayden more ½
As Hayden had had his phone taken off him it was hard to talk with him today but he called me at lunchtime and he sounded much better today. He thinks he’ll be there for a few more days and I hope they can get him on the right path. I think he knows about this but is finding it difficult to get away from what he is familiar with. He has also struggled with the idea of change but could give himself more credit for how well he has actually dealt with it in the past.
I was a little quiet today but actually quite happy, just wanted to listen more than speaking today.
I tried to do the mini-zine in the morning and I put all the ideas together but the execution was awful. I’ll work on a proper version and send it to him. It was fun to put together though and I’d like to do it for more people.