Month: May 2021

Subject to Change – 21st May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Every time I found my place
I decided it was time to leave
Comfort never seemed to interest me
I needed something new to believe

But I always remember my friends
And the happiness they bought
I left to spread it further
And find new ideas to report

Shared with Reena’s Xploration Challenge #317

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the little mouse in our living room last night. It was small and cute and impossible to catch. Cap was only vaguely interested in it and scared when it ran at him. Amy brought Kim in from outside and she caught it immediately. She was very happy. I felt a little sorry for the mouse but I know it happens every day outside our living room.

I overheated yesterday, testing myself to see how long I could bear it. I was reading, and it was uncomfortable, but I was trying not to fidget or complain – ultimately, I had to get to some aircon. I was dressed in pants and a long-sleeved shirt, too – all tucked in. A dumb attempt at temperature assimilation!

Amy complains about the heat all the time – well, everyone does – it’s very uncomfortable at the moment. No wonder people go mad in temperatures like this!

Anyway, the result of this was falling asleep deeply in our living room aircon at about 5 pm. Amy woke me up at 7.45 pm to watch some TV, but then I retired to the bedroom to read a little before more sleep.

Whilst reading, Amy rushed in shouting, ‘There’s a rat in the living room!’ I got up quickly to a wild-eyed Amy and a bemused Cappuccino. She said it was behind the TV cabinet but I couldn’t see it. Eventually, she pointed it out, and it was a cute little tiny field mouse, balanced on the black cables from the back of the TV. No wonder I couldn’t see it. Some rat!

We tried to nudge it out so that Cap could have the honour to catch it and save his family from certain death, but he was scared of it and kept running away whenever it came near him. What a cat! Amy ran outside and called Kim Chi whilst I failed in grabbing the little cutie by the tail over and over again.

Cap had given up at this point, and I was chasing this thing whilst laughing my head off. Kim Chi appeared from next doo,r and Amy brought her in and instantly caught the mouse in her mouth. Then I picked her up to take her outside, and in doing this, Kim dropped the mouse and off it ran again.

At one point, the mouse was in the corner right by Kim’s tail, but she was looking the other way, totally unaware. I cracked up. After a couple more minutes, Kim eventually caught it again, and we managed to get outside. I made a feeble attempt to loosen Kim’s jaws to give the mouse a chance but gave up, and she walked off to play with it some more.

I resumed my reading back in the bedroom, wondering if I would be able to sleep after all this excitement. Fortunately, I was able and sleeping so deeply I didn’t even hear the storm in the night, which thankfully lowered the temperature somewhat by the morning.

As I’m writing this, not even 9 am, I can already feel the heat fusing my shirt to my skin with sweat. It’s going to be a long day, but thankfully, the weekend is coming.

Poems on this day – 20th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Grumble and Grunt

I wish I could talk to you more
But I forget the words to say
Beyond inane pleasantry
Engage pleasant insanity

Sometimes forgetting what words are for
We grumble and grunt away
You know me, I know you
At least we both think we do

We tried to share together
Get to the nitty gritty
Broken formal etiquette
Just easier to forget

Now we just discuss the weather
That seems like such a pity
Communicate turn by turn
Connections we must relearn

In Two Minds

I am in control
Of the thoughts
In my black hole
On a roll
Or out of sorts
Searching for my soul

It’s in my mind
Dual thinking
Both are blind
I cannot find
Slowly sinking
A life resigned

Truth

Your truth is sitting on that hill
Mine elsewhere, a bitter pill
But let’s consider, understand
And work together, hand in hand

Tokyo*

I wanted to go to Japan
But in the end I couldn’t go
So I bought a little dog instead
And named that good girl Tokyo

*True story of Gui, the owner of my regular coffee shop House

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to buy and try cheap shoes on Lazada. This morning I received a nice pair which will replace some of my tatty old ones. I still need to find some good inexpensive ones for school though. I don’t wear shoes much here but need good support when I do. I am lucky to be able to try so many different ones.

Poems on this day – 19th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Work Moderately, Play Moderately

Our tendency to compromise
Our choreographed shedding of inhibitions
Our sheer ordinariness
With some notable exceptions

Our eccentricities are conformist
We are neither ‘sir’ nor ‘card’
Everything in moderation
We neither work nor play hard

Far from wild and reckless
We rely on rare risk takers
We are cautious and unadventurous
Not really movers and shakers

Oh, our English dis-ease
That others misunderstand as such
As long as they don’t bother us
Thank you very much!

Almost all this text is manipulated from pg 551 of ‘Watching the English’ by Kate Fox – so, being English, I must talk about the weather…

35 and Relief

Sweat trickled down my chest
My eyes were sweating too
The storm clouds soon disappeared
The skies now a whitish blue
I never thought it could happen
To feel my sweating teeth
Thank god the temperature dropped
To 35 and relief

Giles in the World

In economic globalisation
We seldom wonder where
Our vegetables are grown
Nor do we even care
Trade among our nations
Faceless labour makes
Can you name your farmer?*
And what their effort takes

*This inspirational line is also from ‘Watching the English’ which I had just finished reading and then started on Ursula Le Guin’s Dispossessed, whose introduction page led to this….

New Settler

A self-exiled society
Had taken one step away
Yet he had taken two

The certainty of isolation
He lived his life day by day
Without his common crew

A sacrifice for greater good
To show them a better way
Stood upright and true

Asserted his true condition
Wherever his hat may lay
Somehow, he always knew

He stood by himself
With little left for him to say
And nothing left to do

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all the heat discomfort I felt yesterday as it was hot and sticky from waking up in the morning until night and into today. It made me appreciate aircon rooms and cars and the pleasure of being able to cool down again.

This is about the fifth day of unbearable heat and humidity. It’s been hotter before this year, but the humidity is making things feel much worse. I don’t like to complain about it, but I am very thankful when I can get back into aircon, though I would much prefer fresh air. Ha – sometimes I miss England – or the chance to go to the beach and cool down like is so easy in Australia.

We’ve been back at school for more than a week now, and no one has asked us to do anything in particular, so I’ve been plowing through my book, catching up on other reading that I skipped during the holiday, as well as writing more poetry, which has been quite fulfilling.

Last night, I read about Dave Drayton’s P(oe)Ms and really loved the idea of writing a poem for each Australian Prime Minister and using an anagram of their name. I can see in my old poems that I was much more playful with words, even to the point where I can’t even recognise exactly what the literal meaning or intention of some of them were. I notice that I am not quite as clever these days, though I do probably make my points much clearer.

I still have an aversion to reading other people’s poetry though – it just doesn’t seem that interesting. Like making improvised music as opposed to listening to it.

On Monday, I felt particularly ecstatic for some reason. Perhaps getting back into my short exercise routine before work and the pleasure of lots of free time to fill as I wish. But yesterday, the edge wore off a little bit, and despite enjoying it, something still felt not quite right. I wonder what it is, what changes? The food I ate? The interactions with others? The temperature? The environment? Did I drink enough water?

Some days just don’t seem to be a good feeling, and it is difficult to identify. It certainly wasn’t a terrible day, and nothing out of the ordinary happened. I just wasn’t feeling it as compared to the day before. I sometimes consider I have mild bipolar, but it doesn’t affect me to be debilitating, and when I feel down or exhausted, I just write off the day, deal with it as best I can and console myself that tomorrow is a new day.

I’m thinking to call Sharon and ask her about Granny’s diaries – I wonder what they contain. I did see them once and don’t recall anything specifically, but it may be interesting just to see what was in her mind. Or would it be boring? Anyway, I should find out just for curiosity.

I’m filled with ideas and enthusiasm most of the time and finding again the things that seem to bring me joy. Life is pretty good for me right now – and when I say right now, I mean as I sit here writing this. Tomorrow may be different, tonight, or even the next five minutes. So, I’ll just enjoy this right now. Another coffee and another chapter of my book.

Poems on this day – 18th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Now I Know Too Much

Once I was young and stupid
But my head was full of dreams
Now I’m older and know too much
Everything is exactly what it seems

Gone are the days of wonder
Staring into the night sky
Now I’m older and wiser
My time has passed me by

If I could take my wisdom
Back into my past
Live my life all over again
Live every day as if my last

Last Poem

A poem these days is a question
Statements less obvious as I age
I learned that I know little
But I always return to the page

Am I questioning you
For an answer in reply?
Or just repeating life’s queries
As we all do before we die?

I really have no expectation
Just floating my thoughts in the air
There’s always more to learn
On the path to becoming aware

How far I am in my journey?
I guess I’ll never know
This could be my last poem
It may be my time to go

Chosen and Peculiar

It may seem a little odd
When I say ‘I am the one’
A singular lightning rod
Pointed at the sun

I know my reason
Though it may not be clear
It may not be my season
Yet my day is coming near

When the sun flares
With energy to fuel ya’
I’m beyond those cares
Chosen and peculiar

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the extra money I could earn working for Ellen this past month or so. I went shopping at Big C and online and good having spare cash.

Poems on this day – 17th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Beauty Sat at Table

Dare to sneak a peek at you
Cast an eye beyond my book
I don’t intend to speak to you
Hope you miss my furtive look

Keep eating your ice cream
And playing with your phone
I just want to sit and dream
While we both sit here alone

Ah! Now you’ve got up and gone
Just a memory fading away
For you I wrote this little song
Beauty sat at table today

Watching the English

Anti-clockwise to pass the port
Dab your napkin as you’ve been taught
Take an Englishman’s dis-ease
Tell me, how do you eat your peas?

Is it dinner or is it tea?
It’s just eating food to me
Ensure your thank yous and please
How do you eat your peas?

No fish knives in my class
Let’s get out the crystal glass
Keep your napkin on your knees
How do you eat your peas?

Gave the world our fish and chips
Kept the flavours from our lips
Travelled across the many seas
How do you eat your peas?

*obviously inspired by Kate Fox’s ‘Watching the English’

Fat Fingered Fuck

Skateboarding in my 40s
I soon fell on my ass
Guitaring in my 50s
How long will it last?

I’m a fat fingered fuck
Is that striking a chord?
What a time to learn guitar
To stop myself being bored

I can never hit D minor
Unless I play so slow
Even an A is a problem
But damn, I’ll give it a go

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for these yummy rice cakes that I can add to my muesli and yoghurt, making a yummy breakfast even more delicious.

Sensational Shoes – 16th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 9 Comments

These shoes are half a size too small
My toes ache from being squashed
I thought they’d stretch with time
But it seems that it’s just money lost

So I’m gonna give you away
Make you a charitable donation
Maybe you’ll be someone else’s
Sartorial fashion sensation

29th May 2024 – Submitted to dVerse – fashion

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the web archives available online. They help me put together bits and pieces of my past and remind me of all the good work I did. Sometimes I look at those things and I can’t believe I did them. It makes me feel proud of my achievements even if they are minor in the scheme of things.

I Am The Librarian – 15th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

I am the librarian tending to my books
Sniffing, smelling, rearranging order
Perhaps one day I’ll open them
Be a reader instead of a hoarder

A world of so many tales
Told by those who breathed them
Where I can be lost, then found
And I can be relieved then

I am the librarian lending out my books
We can share such stories
Of those failures and losers
Or those who shined in glories

20th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Hoarding

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Art at Utopia for giving me two free coffees today. I gave him a couple of books and some sketches I did but didn’t expect anything in return. As a bonus, the coffee was even more delicious than normal.

Zen and the Art of Rhyming Maintenance – 14th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

As an extra challenge to writing, I thought it might be interesting to write a poem for each of these quotes that I highlighted in my copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I don’t like to make things easy for myself.

If someone’s ungrateful and you tell him he’s ungrateful, okay, you’ve called him a name. You haven’t solved anything.

Problem Solved?

So, what’s the problem?
I’m an ungrateful prick?
Thanks for your comment
It really made me tick

Was it somehow helpful?
Did it get things straight?
I don’t think anything changed
I guess you’ll just have to wait

…that old feeling I’ve talked about before, a feeling that there’s something bigger involved than is apparent on the surface.

Under The Hood

I can feel it in my bones
Unshakeable but invisible
I try to look inside it
But this time, it’s not divisible

Clouding up the thoughts
Stumbling around my guesses
Impossible to clarify
Mixed within my messes

Can’t be touched upon
Or identified in the grey
It’s on the tip of my tongue
But what it is, I cannot say

He travelled alone. Always. Even in the presence of others, he was completely alone. People sometimes felt this and felt rejected by it, and so did not like him, but their dislike was not important to him.

He Travelled Alone

You said that we all need a friend
And perhaps that’s really true
But I think that I’ve decided
That friend isn’t going to be you

I’m alone but I’m not lonely
It doesn’t matter what you know
You don’t have to be like me
I’m happy if you just leave me alone

I accept the way I am
And don’t care what you say
Why do you want me to be like you?
It’s just your ego getting in my way

I’m sorry if this makes you sad
But that’s really down to you
I’ll see you again tomorrow
And know my feeling’s true

It’s frustrating to see how completely unaware he is at the time of the significance of what he is saying.

Significant Words

I look back at my old words
I see I understood things well
Yet somehow I couldn’t act on them
I couldn’t really tell

That big truths underlie all this
Almost as plain as day
It’s so easy to say them
But much harder to put in play

Sometimes so unaware
I stumble way off course
I have to remind myself
And get back on my horse

No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise tomorrow.

Shout at the Sun

Some things don’t need to be said
But maybe they should be
Reminders to our busy selves
About how simple things would be

If we took time in appreciation
To really know that the sky is blue
Of course, we already know this
But we could really understand it too

Take a minute and look on up
Above your thoughts and feelings
Astound yourself with simple things
In all your daily dealings

The effort of fathoming what is in another’s mind creates a distortion of what is seen.

Are You For Real?

You don’t see what I can see
Do you?
You can’t see what’s in my mind
Can you?
You’ll never work it out now
Will you?
You aren’t really real now
Are you?

I see blue but you see red
You didn’t listen to what I said
I’ll react exactly the same
Until we can agree on a name

Let’s be clear, just talk it straight
You said mind games are what you hate
But you always do that so well
So deceptive, I couldn’t tell

Now I’m empty, now I’m blank
And for that I’ve you to thank

We have to keep going until we find out what’s wrong or find out why we don’t know what’s wrong.

Knowing

What’s wrong? Do you know?
If not, why is it so?
Don’t stop, just keep going
On this path to one day knowing

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to receive a friendly warm welcome when I dropped by Bruno’s house yesterday. He is feeling very happy now that he is no longer working for TLC and is enthusiastically talking about plans for the future and particularly his garden, which I can tell has got him really upbeat.

I’m feeling rather pleased with myself today. I spent it all either reading, sketching, studying Thai, drinking coffee, driving and writing poetry – not bad for a day at work! Enjoy it while I can.

Start Again – 13th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 14 Comments

Looking back over poems I wrote in the past, I realise what a catharsis they provided and thought it a good idea to try and get back into the swing of it. I needed to make a small statement (and a trial).

Start Again

How long, how many years?
Pen on paper held no fears
Laziness, time, other things
The good and bad that it brings

So back to it, start again
New book and brand new pen
Conscious to make the time
To find that special word to rhyme

Throw emotions out in words
From realistic to absurd
My own form of meditation
To re-read all my own creation

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to discover the Oasis vegetarian restaurant in the city. Dylan took me there yesterday. They have a wide range of delicious fake meat and vegetable dishes. I’ll keep going back if Amy doesn’t cook me lunch.

This morning, I got up a little earlier so that I could do my 5 minutes of exercise and start getting back into some good habits again, and I think it really helped set me up for a positive and happy day.

I’ve started sketching again when I go for my coffee and also want to start writing more poems too. The one I wrote today may be the first one I’ve written in, I don’t know, two decades or more! I used to look out for interesting phrases I would come across and use them as a basis. I came across a cool phrase today in some article I was reading and jotted it down. I hope to keep inspiring myself in different ways whenever I can.

Things are good today. George even looked me in the eye when he was talking to me today. Even that small change made me feel good.

I went to visit Bruno and Nut after lunch, and we talked mostly about his garden exploits – he’s really into it, which is cool – it’s great to see his enthusiasm for it. It inspires me in that direction, too, but I am still a little lazy when I get home from work. Or, more accurately, I prioritise other things instead.