Trapped within these walls
There are no words to share
Bare functions, dirty nails
Life lived less there
Rats outside running scared
The snakes all need to eat
From sundown to rise again
A dead circle again complete
The echo chamber of the heart
Energy gone to waste
Dreams quietly smashed apart
With only bitterness to taste
The many paths that led here
Beyond the now closed door
Content in isolation
Left alone forever more
16th Aug 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United
Today I’m feeling:
Positive and happy. Mondays are a breeze for me so I enjoyed the whole morning drinking coffee after greeting all the students at assembly. When I went back to school I made some photocopies for David to help him out a little. He is still confused about how things work here and doesn’t really try to help himself in that regard. I chatted with him for a fair while too. He was trying to guess my star sign as he is really into astrology but he guessed wrong and I wouldn’t tell him after that.
I had my first class with new students and took it very easy with them. They were cautious but seemed happy enough. The class didn’t feel too big even though there are 29 students. I felt good and came home as that was me done for the day.
Today I’m grateful for:
The gummy sticky oily rubber tape that Amy’s dad bought to hopefully stop the guttering from leaking in the garage next time it rains. I sanded the metal down and cut the tape to size. The tape smells like it’s full of cancer which, I don’t know, maybe gives it a balance in that something made of carcinogenic material is likely the only thing to stop the bad thing from happening. I’m reasonably hopeful it will work in the short term but all the different types of relentless weather tests even things made of stone. I also need to get on the roof and check the gutter is clear too. Dirt gets trapped up there easily and plants and weeds here don’t need much of anything to start growing.
The best thing about today was:
Almost all my students coming to me saying that they miss me and they want me to be their teacher again. I know they’ll soon get over it but it definitely made me feel good.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Oddly, despite this being the first day back in class I can’t really find anything that felt out of my control. Talking with David he started saying he doesn’t know how I do it, in reference to just getting on with my job and not letting the people around me bother me. It took me a while to figure it out and find the balance I need to be stable. David overthinks things sometimes and sure people are out to get him in some way whereas I’ve come to the conclusion that other people are thinking about you very little, if at all. And even if they are gossiping it’s none of my business. I’m doing what I’m doing and if that’s not good enough then I’m sure someone will let me know.
Something I learned today?
Well, I guessed I learned a little about one of my classes of new students. I see them again first thing in the morning and will do little interviews with them to get a better idea of where they are at. I will be learning quite a lot this week – more than the students!
How can I make today amazing?
I don’t do amazing. Why is amazing something to strive for? My mundane days are full of amazing things. Every interaction with every atom around me is amazing for what it is. Of course, I’m not always thinking about each of those interactions but when I do I find myself in awe.
Today was filled with love, joy and happiness.
My first day of teaching and I only have one hour to teach, annoyingly at 1.30 so I have to wait around all morning. This is ok though. I can get a bunch of things done and ensure that I have things prepared for the rest of the week.
Recently I haven’t been taking Tramadol very often and I’m surprised at the lack of side effects not taking it this time; usually, I get really dizzy. But I think I’ll pop some again once I get back into the working habit.
I’m feeling pretty okay again. I’m glad to be out of home, as much as I love it there.
One of my students, Eing Eing, was a little reticent about studying with David this semester and kept telling me she wanted me to teach her and that she loves me. Quite a few students are disappointed that I’m not teaching them.
It’s a nice feeling to have their appreciation. But this is life and we don’t get everything we want.
Soon enough they will be telling David that they love him too.
1994ever 
Great poem in which you can sense the isolation. I love ‘The echo chamber of the heart’
I enjoyed your evaluation of your day I especially loved that the students came to tell you that they missed you
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Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙏
For me, I don’t mind isolation. I’m kinda used to it. I grew up an only child and with a single mum. I had to learn early on how to amuse myself. That’s why I entered this one to the prompt ‘things that don’t scare me anymore.’
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I could do with a few rat-eating snakes.
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Haha. The snakes worry me a little because of our somewhat stupid cats. The cats could do a better job with the rats and maybe the problem would be solved.
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I suspect my house snake of having eaten one tiny kitten, and know he bit a two-month-old kitten who tried to play with him once. Right on the face. The fang marks were close to the corners of the kitten’s mouth–clean wounds, but big in proportion to the kitten.
I applied a store-brand antibiotic lotion and TLC. The kitten’s mother applied lots of cat spit and more TLC. The kitten not only survived, but shook off a virus infection that had been giving him trouble. Go figure.
Apart from that, the snake is almost as old as I am, and almost as long as I am lying down. Usually the cats treat him with great respect, as do the humans. Our real name, of course, is not King, but Gulegi is a King Snake.
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Wow! I can’t imagine keeping a snake at home!
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He was here when we moved in. Spends winters in the attic, summers mostly in the orchard. Most years I don’t see him, but each year in spring the snakeskin by the north wall is a little longer. He’s not a pet; he’s very good at avoiding humans. I say “he” because the snake eggs have always turned up under a neighbor’s porch. Their snakeskins have started over with a smaller one.
His job is to eat any venomous snakes nearby, and his benefits are any rodents the cats don’t catch first.
Parents taught us not to be afraid of him. Quite a feat because, fifty years later, Mother confided that she always felt revulsed by snakes. I never did.
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I think that I could probably learn to accept a situation like that but my wife would never go for it – especially considering our stupid cats (lovely but stupid!).
In England, I remember a friend that kept a couple of big lizards at home and they both escaped their cage and just ended up living in the roof. I guess they kept various rodents at bay too.
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Isolation is the thread as is a sense of a wasted life yet there is also contentment at the end and a closed door can open again.
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We become used to whatever path we have chosen. Hopefully it has made us content.
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Teaching is awesome. May it continue to go well for you and David…young students think it’s strange having a man teacher, but some of them have such a desperate emotional need for one.
(Skepticism is a very good quality, especially wrt WHO and people trying to replace one “pesticide” with another “pesticide.” I think the page you cited shows a very common (and costly) error, but I’m glad you stood up to me and shared it.)
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Thanks. What is it that you consider in error in the link?
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The assumption that if a poison works as a “safe and effective pesticide” once, it will continue to work that way. But they never do. Repeated use of a “pesticide” always makes the chemical less effective for killing pests, while building greater toxicity for larger, longer-lived species such as humans. The only questions are how long it takes for the chemical to be recognized as doing more harm than good, and how badly people will be harmed toward the end of that time.
(WordPress won’t let me “like,” but it was a good question.)
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That’s a good point though it doesn’t mean that science is sitting still on these things either.
It reminds me of how we develop allergies to certain things over time. Sometimes this doesn’t make sense to us ex. Someone who has always drunk milk, is now allergic to it.
I also often wonder if the modern rise in instances of cancer isn’t related to something that most of us in the world have to use to survive. I’m thinking petrol/gasoline. Every time I’m filling up the car I feel like I can smell cancer!
Anyway, my thinking out loud has gotten off track!
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Ah, I didn’t look far enough before to find the comment box. I thought the notes were a separate post – and indeed, we need to treat them as separate for you to be within the P&SU word limit, which I imagine is why you put that link directly under the poem, and made a separation line before the prose notes – and also why you would have preferred to post the poem anew, on its own, if I hadn’t suggested you could link to its original posting rather than have it available for only 4 days. Thank you for trying to do what we ask! In future a new post with just the poem, but available for a week, would be ideal. Is that possible?
Meanwhile, I’m glad I (and others) finally got to see this emotionally powerful piece. I’m glad isolation eventually became contented … and that online interactions such as this can relieve it.
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I will try to stick with new writes as they won’t get the additional notes until a few months later. 👍
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