Category: 2020

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #22 – 25th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from Aksak Maboul, North of America, The Milkshakes, Lungfish, UXA, Tipographica, The Cramps, Ex-Models, Magma, Cicala Mvta, Cicatriz En La Matriz, Trick Cigarettes, Neutral Sons, Karminsky Experience, Undertones.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sun this morning. It’s cold again so sitting in the sun feels good on my face.

In order to live at all one must come to terms with non-living.

Analysis of Levin, Anna Karenina

To-do list

  • Record new TCRAH ✅
  • Go to the gym in the morning
  • Try to pick Amy up
  • Visualise and review the day hour-by-hour
  • Spent time enjoying the room ½

Today got derailed somewhat as Amy and I had a minor fight before Amy even got out of bed. She wanted to talk about my passport and it being delivered by DHL to Chiang Mai. I know this is on her mind but trying to think about serious things may be better done after getting up and being more prepared for the day.

This start left us both in a bad mood and I felt unmotivated to do what I had planned. After coffee, I had thought to go to the gym but just by chance, it was closed anyway.

We both picked ourselves up a bit by lunchtime but I felt a sort of relief to not be thinking too much about my daily challenges and practising more philosophical ideas.

Even though I enjoy the weekend teaching I am starting to feel a little like a machine. I’m not exhausted by it but would like more available contemplative time.

If I took the time to bleed from all the tiny little arrows shot my way – 24th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Flow
– challenging but attainable goals
– strong focused concentration
– intrinsically rewarding
– feeling of serenity
– loss of self-consciousness
– timelessness/lose track of time
– lack of awareness of physical needs
– complete focus on the activity

How to achieve flow?
– Doing challenging leisure!

extrinsic = external
intrinsic = internal

extrinsic motivation can undermine intrinsic motivation and growth mindset

Growth mindset
– focus on learning not outcomes
– good performance takes hard work
– hard work is good
– effort = good
– make the most of deficiencies
– capitalise on mistakes
– no decrease in internal motivation
– performance increases over time

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the sunrise in the morning and prepare myself for the new day.

The choice of being horribly depressed or incredibly liberated is up to you.

Neil Pasricha

To-do list

  • Book flights after school. ½
  • Cut down on feeds – focus on Stoicism. ✅
  • Be more curious today – learn more about someone. ✅
  • Do not complain! Do not complain! ✅
  • Random act of kindness. ½

Finally, the English camp is over. I decided to sit and talk with Aiza a little as we’d never really been introduced.

At the coffee shop, there were some Japanese tourists and I held the door for them and said ‘Oaskini doso’ much to their surprise. They were very happy and it made me feel good.

I was very conscious of not complaining about anything today and may have succeeded. And in a big effort, I managed to book most of the flights for the WDS tour. A beautiful Sichuan hot pot to complete the day.

The only downside is the feeling that Amy is not so happy at the moment – she is always annoyed or upset about something in this country. I understand it is more difficult for her here than it is for me (in some ways) and I know she appreciates the things we have but I hope she can ward off these imbalances in her happiness.

Tomorrow we will be teaching again. I’m feeling confident in my lessons and look forward to them more than school, even though I have more fun with the students at school.

I wish there was no stopping me now – 23rd January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Stuff that really makes us happy
– wanting the right parts of what we already want, activating your signature strengths

Character strengths are ubiquitous, fulfilling morally valued, not able to diminish others, opposite of a negative trait, trait-like, measurable, distinctive, paragon, prodigies, select absence, institutionalised.

Signature strengths = most essential to who you are, where you flourish most. So, seek out a career with your signature strengths.
Practice = use of your top strengths in a new and different way every day
Using top 4 strengths are best

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the kids who greet me with happy smiles in the morning. I can appreciate the connection I have with them.

The only thing that can ever truly destroy a dream is to have it come true.

Mark Manson

To-do list

  • More exam preparation.
  • Be curious about someone today. ½
  • Run after work.
  • Start booking flights.
  • Think, shut up, speak if it adds. ½

Didn’t achieve so much this day and I put that down to alcohol consumption and lack of sleep. I actually felt OK in the morning but ran out of energy around 3pm. The day was quite enjoyable – I really do enjoy the connection I have with the kids.

Ellen called in the evening. She was upset at Rob (her on/off boyfriend) again and I tried to soothe her and calm her down telling her much of what I’ve been learning myself. We are all at different stages of our journeys.

Tomorrow is the last day of camp – it’s been fun though useless for the students. I’m fine with the break.

Tomorrow I need to pull things into some focus and maybe just concentrate on a couple of things and drop the others. I love to learn but maybe just taking in too much from too many places at the moment. I really have to book these flights tomorrow too! And follow up with venues!

Oh, to be the cream – 22nd January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Miswanting – why do we miswant?

4 annoying features
1. we compare using reference points
2. wrong intuitions about what makes us happy
3. we get used to ‘stuff’
4. we don’t realise we get used to stuff
To overcome these we need to use intentional, effortful strategies

Reset your reference points
– a reference point is a salient (but irrelevant) standard against which subsequent info is compared. They affect our happiness judgments
a – concretely re-experience
physically go back to the place or in your mind back to that time – what was your reference point then?
b – concretely observe
go and see what other things are really like
c – avoid social comparisons
– use the ‘stop’ technique ie notice making comparisons and say ‘stop’
– show gratitude
– be conscious about what you see
– stop/reduce social media, be conscious when using it.
– interrupt your consumption, pause things you enjoy, they will give you a boost when you come back to them
– increase your variety, do difficult things each day, try different foods, different books, etc

For hedonic adaptation (getting used to stuff)
– ‘stuff’ doesn’t make us as happy as we think it will, ‘stuff’ sticks around so we get used to it
– invest in experiences, they go away but you have memories
– we don’t adapt to experiences, we don’t get used to them
– experiences are difficult to compare to material stuff

What if you already have awesome stuff?
– savouring
– negative visualisation
– make this day your last
– gratitude

Savouring – stepping outside of an experience to review and appreciate it
Activities that enhance savouring
– tell another person how good you felt
– look for someone to share with
– think about how lucky you are (gratitude)
– think about sharing it later
– physical expressions of energy
– laugh or giggle
– tell yourself how proud you were
– in the now, absorb the moment
Activities that hurt savouring
– focus on the future, after the event
– you remind yourself it will be over soon
– tell yourself it’s not as good as you hoped
– tell yourself nothing lasts forever
– tell yourself how it could be better
– tell yourself it will never be this good again
– tell yourself you didn’t deserve this good thing

Negative visualisation
– imagine you never had this

Make this day your last
– what if you lose this thing

Gratitude
– show thanks and appreciation for what you have and share it with other people

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to meet and chat with Diego, a teacher at the other Anuban school. He seems like a nice person and understands the situation here in Thailand.

In the morning when thou risest unwillingly, let this thought be present – I am rising to the work of a human being. Why then am I dissatisfied if I am going to do the things for which I exist and the things which I was brought into this world?

Marcus Aurelius

To-do list

  • Squats and meditate in the morning – try 7 mins. ✅
  • Think! If you do speak – do not complain! ½
  • Print docs for Amy. ✅
  • More lessons for Khawthang. ✅
  • More exam preparation. ✅

School was a slower, boring, repetitious day but still enjoyable. The children had better skills and we were better prepared too.

After school was dentist time and I now have a metal crown though it’s not visible. I had some time to spare so sat outside De Lanna with a coffee and laptop and watched the sunset over the river and mountains. It was wonderful.

I met up with George, Sean and Bruno and we talked and drank beer and I was happy to take the conversation into deeper meaning when we discussed our issues about teaching and the schools we work in. I was surprised at how uncomfortable Bruno became talking about this and when Sean asked me about George’s advice I said I thought that his way of thinking was correct, but it’s very difficult to accomplish.

21st Mar 2024 – In hindsight and with more experience, I can see that George’s situation was far different to everyone else’s and so he was easily able to rationalise situations from a position of comfort that the rest of us weren’t enjoying.

I see myself in between Bruno and George in character but I’d like to move towards the George end of the spectrum.

Well, maybe now you’re getting what you expected – 21st January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Eight rules for the school of life

1. Accept imperfection
– Perfection is beyond us.
2. Share vulnerability
– the bedrock of true friendship. Compassion for ourselves, generosity for others.
3. – Know your insanity
– warn others, contain our follies.
4. Accept your idiocy
– messing up is to be expected.
5. You are good enough
– ‘Ordinary’ isn’t a name for failure.
6. Overcome romanticism
– Love is patience and compassion for our natural weaknesses.
7. Despair cheerfully
– We’re not individually cursed and many small things should stand out: a sunny day, dawn and dusk, etc
8. Transcend yourself
– Cosmic humility is taught to us by nature, history, and the sky above us; delight in being humbled by it.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to know that I won’t be working at this school next semester. I’m sad in one way but excited in others. Knowing what will happen next semester is the best option.

You’ll stop caring what people think about you when you realise how seldom they do.

David Foster Wallace

To-do list

  • Enjoy new activity with students. ✅
  • Think before speaking. Listen first. ½
  • Gym straight after work. ✅
  • After squats meditate for 5 minutes. ✅
  • Fill out dreams for dream decade challenge. ✅

Easy, perhaps somewhat boring, day. Being surrounded by the other foreign teachers it was a struggle not to complain and when I thought about it more I realised I’d left my bracelet at home so I’m giving myself a day of forgiveness. I’ll wear it tomorrow and try to be more conscious of not joining in the complaining.

21st Mar 2024 – I would wear a bracelet that I would have to swap hands every time that I complained. I would mostly forget to do this until later but it was an effort to become conscious of complaining. I think I only managed to do this for a month or two in the end.

Knowing I won’t be teaching here next semester has kind of lifted off any real burden to overperform. I do still feel like doing my best for the students though. Tomorrow will be more of the same at school. Afterwards is the dentist and then meet with George and Bruno. They have kind of opposite personalities but both with virtuous hearts – I think I sit somewhere in the middle so conversation should be interesting.

I hope to get some information from George on what to expect when teaching back at CRPAO.

In confusion, a purpose in life, the choice, the problem – 20th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Morning ritual (habits)
– read Daily Stoic 365
– movement – the body should be treated more rigorously, that it may not be disobedient to the mind.
– mindfulness – meditation or stream-of-consciousness writing
– mastery – one person likes tending to his horse, another to his farm; I like to daily monitor my self-improvement.

What experiences can you invest in?
– go to school in the holidays and talk to the kids there
– arrange once-a-month free Friday learning in our classroom

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my new pillow. It seems to be doing the trick for my dodgy neck.

Make up your bed each morning. Studies show this simple act can make all the difference in your day.

ABC article

To-do list

  • More Science of Well Being Coursera ✅
  • Prepare/check next week’s lessons ✅
  • Get photo from when teaching for TLC ✅
  • Next read-to-lead step ✅
  • At home – continue dream decade sheet ✅

Today I found out that I will be put back to CRPAO in Mathayom (high school) next semester. Joe (TLC) said that it was because I refused to do their (Anuban’s) work on the weekend back at the beginning of the semester but I’m not sure if that’s true. I feel like Joe has other agendas that I don’t know about, and that’s ok, it’s just hard to place my trust in him totally.

Anyway, it’s something that is out of the way now, I don’t have to think about it anymore. I can start coming up with work ideas well ahead of time.

Although it’s not startling news, I reacted well. It’s not in my control where they would like me to work. In the past, I can imagine being upset at what could be considered a rejection from Anuban. I know I’m OK, I know I’m a good enough teacher so I have no need to feel down about these events.

I enjoyed my lessons today as they were very simple. I will miss some of these kids and would love to watch them grow. I guess that’s part of this job.

My self-control was not really tested today. The kids were their usual rowdy selves but I didn’t shout to strain my voice. I don’t recall complaining today either though it is still hard for me to recognise.

Tomorrow I will talk briefly with Kru Noon and let her know I won’t be there next semester – maybe she knows already. I’d like to find something to give her as a gift, though I’m not really sure what.

Tomorrow is the first day of English ‘camp’ which should be pretty cruisy for us. Hopefully, I’ll get some free time back in the classroom as there are always many things I want to read and learn about.

Searching for Satori – 19th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Unanswered questions

Where can I add more fun to my life?
What is the purpose of my life? (Why you do something or why something exists?)

SAY IT ALOUD

Gratitude – Thank you, thank you
Forgiveness – It’s OK, it’s OK
Curiosity – that’s interesting, that’s interesting

THE GOAL OF LIFE

The goal of life is virtue. Virtue is the only true good. ‘Excellence’ (arête) of character. What’s healthy/beneficial = what’s honourable/praiseworthy. “Living in agreement with Nature”

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I don’t give in to my impulses (all the time). Despite being tired this morning I will go to the gym as I challenged myself to yesterday.

I think sometimes people are afraid to be happy or to let go.

Lorraine Robertson

To-do list

  • Go to the gym in the morning ✅
  • Finish writing to Chrissie ✅
  • Start editing TCRAH #25
  • Draw one of our cats (find some videos on drawing cats)
  • Savour things for longer

Started off well by pushing through tiredness and going to the gym.

Came back and started finishing off my email to Chrissie which I put a bit of extra thought into and only ended up completing after lunch just before teaching, which then pretty much turned into being dinnertime. I did continue sorting things in my room though. I also remembered to call Hayden but he didn’t pick up.

This coming week should be very cruisy as for 4 days we are playing adjective bingo with different groups of students.

Tomorrow I’ll get a list of students who would like to do extra work so I should prepare that for the following week.

After school I will also go to TLC and have a chat with Nancy about different options for next semester. With George’s advice I’ll also tell her about what has happened with Jimmy.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #21 – 18th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from Motelli Skronkle, The Chords, Dot.Organ, DMBQ, Isocracy, i.e. crazy, Capillary Action, Ruins, Bukkake Moms, Killing Joke, Butthole Surfers, Sex Pistols, Debt of Nature, The Poles, 17 Pygmies and Sebadoh.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Art and Utopia. Nice coffee and nice people and easy to get to. Lifesaver for a hangover!

To return to the books one lived in one’s youth is to risk disappointment – in both the books and in oneself when young.

Joseph Epstein

To-do list

  • Upload TCRAH ✅
  • Finish writing to Chrissie
  • Go for a ride around the hills again ✅
  • Go to the gym
  • Sort out more in the office ✅

I ran out of energy today. After teaching, which was very enjoyable today, it was about 5.3o pm and I spent a few minutes watching TV and energy just zapped out of me. Oh well, despite my best intentions, going to the gym the day after drinking probably wasn’t the best idea.

Today, Amy was upset by some pictures on an English poster we had bought – they showed ‘cute’ as a white girl and ‘ugly’ as a black person. Pretty fucked up and Amy said that she would complain to the makers.

In the afternoon I shared the picture with the TLC LINE group with the question ‘What is this teaching Thai children?’ I was quite surprised at the acceptance from Mike and Ben (himself black). I think it’s a fairly serious issue but felt like they were countering it because they were either used to it or it never affected them.

I feel proud of myself and Amy because we are prepared to stand up for what we believe to be right and fair. Amy even did it last night with the car park attendant as he called me ‘it’, which I was obviously oblivious to. Then Nancy cut the conversation short by talking about loving everyone and Malcolm piping up with emoji support.

I found the whole conversation very thought-provoking. Mike called me a ‘troublemaker’. I don’t know? Is facing issues causing trouble? I didn’t think I really had to defend my position – the consequences of letting things slide are obvious and some are prepared to leave thinking and doing to others and live the easy life.

It was interesting that Mike and Ben are French and I wonder how this affects their thinking? What an interesting day!

Should I not raise these things as discussion – live the easy life myself? I feel like that is what I want but something in me sees the injustices in the world and that I should say something even if nothing can be changed quickly.

Well, what will tomorrow bring?

A stagnant pool of bile… – 17th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

If you could share one message with the world, what would it be?

I can’t decide an answer to this – maybe – learn to love to read?

I think as having visited many different places around the world there is not one message that is applicable to one and all.

Of course, we can say ‘love each other’ but it is a tired cliche that also begs many questions. Many religions posited this stance but they all became twisted by human interpretation.

I guess the ‘learn to love to read’ phrase is pertinent to never stop learning and growing because it can apply to anyone at any age.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have 3 happy playful cats in my life. I hope they remain healthy and don’t suffer any misfortune.

The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.

Isaac Asimov

To-do list

  • Get photos taken for work permit ✅
  • Enjoy spending time with George and Bee ✅
  • Write to Chrissie ½
  • Think about how you can show Kru Noon your appreciation
  • Savour what you can, show thanks ½

School was good today. All my classes went well and the kids were happy. Not so much the teachers! Kru Noon was upset again because she had to fill classes for Said who didn’t show up and couldn’t be contacted. Kevin was also upset because Kru Tam had made him look bad in front of his kids.

The day went quickly for me as I drove into the city a couple of times to get photos for my work permit.

After work, I finished reading Anna Karenina – phew! One of the first books that I want to read again.

Then a quick shower and pick up George and Bee to go for Indian dinner. I enjoy meeting them very much and George suggested talking with Nancy about Jimmy so that she can hear about it from me rather than from him or someone else in the future. The option of going to CRPAO is good to have as a choice next semester. George is always trying to convince me to do it.

Amy and Bee had good long happy talks as we moved to the Library to hang out for a couple of hours, drinking sweet shots of unknown alcohol. They both think that George and I live in a ‘beautiful world’ – ie we see everything as good and positive. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy to try and look at life this way and feel much happier for it. I prefer this thinking style over my older negative and cynical one for sure.

For Saturday I have a couple of classes in the afternoon and Amy will go out again in the evening. I’ll be happy with another night at home. Our home is definitely a ‘beautiful world’ despite the snakes.

You’re just eighteen, you’re heading off to war – 16th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

What characteristics do you wish you had?

I have all the characteristics I need but need to work harder at these: perspective, social intelligence (understanding others), spirituality, and kindness.

I am sometimes good at doing these things but often get wrapped up in myself too much instead. I would like to deal better emotionally with difficult situations. Sometimes I can’t control my feelings well enough.

After some more consideration, social intelligence is the one I want to improve most. I can do this by going out and meeting more and different people – not just those within my own sphere of interest.

1st Jan 2023 – Three years later, and having been through much of that time with pandemic lockdowns and prohibitions I don’t think I consider social intelligence so highly anymore. It would be important if I was 20 years old again but over the last year or two, I’ve become much more comfortable with myself.

I can guess that George was the influence for me to try to engage more with other people in 2020, as I always saw him happy. However, I also discovered that trying to be like other people is not always the best approach, especially when feeling let down by them. What works for him doesn’t necessarily work for me.

I’m comfortable and happy with my tribe, I know who they are even though they are not close by. I can still work on improving social intelligence within that premise instead. I don’t need to spend time meeting new people just to practice this. I feel I have better ways to spend my time. I know other people enjoy doing it but it’s not for me.

How can you get those characteristics?

I already have these characteristics but just need to enhance them further. Bring them to the forefront of memory and practice them. Be conscious of them, In order to practice social intelligence, I need to stop pre-judging people and use come conversational techniques to find out more and quickly. This skill is something I have improved on but am not really comfortable with yet. Perhaps visualising and pretending beforehand would help? I could also read more about how to do this and watch some instructional videos.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to have a small sleep-in this morning as it is teachers’ day. I’m writing this from my bed and can look out of the bedroom window at the blue sky and jungle mountains in the distance.

It is possible to live only as long as life intoxicates us; as soon as we are sober again we see that it is all a delusion, a stupid delusion.

Leo Tolstoy, My Confessions

To-do list

  • Practice RekordBox ✅
  • Record new TCRAH ✅
  • If any appropriate time arises, tell Amy about what happened with Jimmy
  • Finish work permit tasks ½
  • Exercise at gym

Amy and I spent a long day around the city sorting things for my work permit, getting my laptop fixed and buying bits and pieces for teaching. We had a nice long lunch of sushi and I felt very happy.

I was hoping to go to the gym but it was already 4pm by the time we got home and I wanted to do some other things. Amy had a couple of drinks at lunch and was starting to get a little loud. Most of the time it was fun and funny but occasionally I got a bit annoyed (internally).

I know Amy is a little lonely here in Chiang Rai because her friends are not quite in the same position and way of thinking. We know we are lucky to be where we are and with everything that we have got and there is always some sort of trade-off.

Tomorrow, it’s back to school and I have to try and remember not to touch the students. I’m pretty sure that I will get told off again sometime.

I’m considering the option of going back to CRPAO next semester as I may be able to work with George and Tang. George keeps trying to sell the option to me but I’m a little conscious of working with someone that I consider a good friend and also about my ability to work in any school system.

15th Mar 2024 – Time certainly tells the tale. I was right to be concerned about working with a close friend though I ended up extremely happy.

Where I am now is quite easy in many ways and if it were a similar situation next semester then that seems like a good option. We never know what we’re going to end up with – all options could turn bad. I definitely don’t want to be working harder for other people.