I have no time for winter blues A clear sky has little else to choose Gone is the rain That flooded my brain It’s a return to the mountain views
Pouring the sunshine out of our hearts Deep in the valley, the cloud departs High season, no joke Then awaiting the smoke Of burning fields when summer restarts
Submitted to dVerse Zeugmatically Speaking and inspired by other poems written there. Not quite sure I’ve hit the mark with this one and I find limericks to be lazy poems but this one fell into place.
Today I’m feeling:
Slow to go but woke up before my alarm and had to get moving soon enough to get to the airport where I’m sitting now, caffeinated and ready to fly.
Still coughing, slight headache but at least a change of scenery ahead.
Health:
Physical: 5 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
A surprise appearance of Jessica at lunchtime. Amy told me that we were meeting an old high school friend of hers and when we arrived, I was surprised at how much she looked like Jess, and it took me a second to realise.
The best thing about today was:
A little bit of shopping at Union Mall and Central Lad Prao, which Amy let me put on the Westpac card. A new bottle of Bath and Body Works perfume and a shirt and pants for work.
In the evening, we went to the Red Sky bar, which is a rooftop bar where we had expensive snacks and cocktails as part of a deal. It was nice enough but we didn’t want to stay for more.
Amy found a jazz bar and posted pictures on Facebook of the rooftop bar in the meantime. Soon after, we got a message from Aing and we asked her to come and meet us.
We arrived at the Saxophone Bar at around 9 pm and soon enough Aing, Now and Nu arrived and we got stuck into more cocktails and a bottle of Jack Daniels apple flavour.
We had a good time catching up and Amy and Nu enjoyed dancing to the live band.
Afterwards, Aing was kind enough to drop us back to our hotel at around 2.30 am and we quickly got stuck into a short sleep.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I managed to pick up a copy of a book that Baipad really wanted in CentralWorld.
Been through all my mp3s Got them into folders Making them easier to find Tagged with genre holders Downloaded semi-legally Some, decades ago Now they are all mine Apparently so
Now I have cloud storage Folders I can share 7 million songs Are waiting for you there Music, the great healer In any shape or form From drum to vinyl to CD And now digital the norm!
Been through all my vinyl got them into plastic sleeves protection from the dust and grime that passing time it leaves Cathartic, it was wholesome remembering the time when I purchased each and brought them home when they were all then mine
And now I have a flight case with a selection waiting there to play on my turntable and with some others share Music, the great healer it is a remedy to cure or at very least bring respite as its purpose is so pure
A little better this morning. I started feeling a little better last night but crashed out early deliriously in and out of consciousness hearing the duff duff of the DJ and Amy’s screams. Amy was the last one standing, as usual, dancing on her own as everyone else retired and left.
Today I’m grateful for:
Aing and Now, who have been borrowing our bike and car but put petrol in them and got the front tyre of the bike replaced when it went flat last night.
The best thing about today was:
Reading more of this book about the Rise and Fall of the British Empire, this time about the way the British dealt with China from 1800 onwards.
I’ve read about this history before and it still makes me upset. I kind of felt smug whilst reading it this time though, knowing how the UK is fairing in the world these days compared to China.
Something I learned today?
In Vietnam, for many drunk drivers, it’s cheaper to abandon the bike than to pay the fine. Now the police are wondering what to do with them all…
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I helped Baipad with work and motivation for about an hour and a half this morning and I think she carried on working after I left and hopefully finished them all.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 21. Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously. Yeah, yeah, you’re an individual, and people have to take you seriously, I get it. But at the end of the day, we’re all a bunch of ants trying to chase the same things. Lighten up.
I don’t take myself too seriously though I do take what I do seriously.
People say I am serious but I think that it is just that I am not easily amused by many people, not adults.
It’s hard to be serious surrounded by naughty 13-year-olds much of the day and whilst it’s still easy to fall down to their level I hope I at least pull them up a little bit to mine.
I don’t mind being a clown or a fool for the sake of the kids. It makes me laugh to think of adults looking down on me for clowning around.
Searching my tiny little brain for inspiration for the prompt word ‘touch’, I suddenly remembered the lesson I taught my grade 10 students yesterday about sexual abuse.
On one of the slides I showed a cartoon boy and girl in underwear with the title ‘Don’t touch me there’ and we discussed where it was ok to touch another person without permission.
The final slide contains the text ‘Whatever we wear, wherever we go, yes means yes, no means no.’ I love hearing the kids say ‘no means no’, not just because of the meaning in this context but because NOMEANSNO is one of my favourite lyrical bands that has stayed with me throughout my life.
So this all came together quite quickly in the end and it was just a matter of squeezing everything down to 44 words for the challenge.
Today I’m feeling:
Not so great this morning. I didn’t sleep well as snot dripped out of my nose when I slept on my left and my shoulder ached on my right. Will have to get some medicine to fix me up as we have a housewarming to go to tonight.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being free to take a long sleep of recovery from about 11 am until 4pm. After taking some medicine and reading for a little bit I fell into wild and crazy dreams, stirring in and out of delirium each toss and turn.
The best thing about today was:
I haven’t felt like there was anything today that was best. I enjoyed reading some more of Thurston Moore’s Sonic Life. That’s about it for today.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Being at this housewarming is out of my control. I feel sleepy and medicine dizzy. Not unhappy but not particularly sociable.
Something I learned today?
Aing and Now, who arrived here last night for Now’s friend’s graduation had to travel by bus from Bangkok this time, with a day in Chiang Mai on the way. Money is tight for them these days and I know they appreciate our free accommodation.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
After my long sleep, I thought that I would be ok for the housewarming and drove us there through, familiar to me, beautiful green rice paddies which Amy enjoyed, especially as the sun was moving into the golden hour.
At the party though, I wasn’t feeling good and the thumping over-extended PA was giving me a headache as all-comers were slowly slipping into a typical village drunken mania.
I anticipate a couple of cars ending up stuck in the paddies later. I made my retreat telling Amy to call and I would come and pick her up later.
I took this picture because this is the view from the open kitchen at the housewarming we are at. The other three sides are rice fields too. Nice. Perhaps the wooden shack in view is the original house. There seem to be about ten or more people sitting in there, cooking, eating and drinking.
I recently received a letter from PastMe which I had written one year previously. In that letter, it was scout week and Aing and Now were here for Aing’s graduation. And so it is this time, scout week and Aing and Now are visiting again for their friend’s graduation.
Yesterday we went on a walk up to Khun Korn waterfall where I couldn’t help myself and stripped down and jumped into the freezing waters and felt the breath pushed out of my body by the water dropping the ten metres or so onto my head. It felt amazing. I feel revitalised but also tired today.
It was a funny coincidence that for scout week the M3 students were also at Khun Korn so I dropped by and saw them all getting cold, wet and dirty. They looked like they were having begrudging fun.
The future is not clear so I’ll just keep going until I receive this letter and can reflect back on what happened. Amy and I have discussed possibilities such as my going to Australia for a little break and then coming back together. This would be around the end of the year. She is also considering going to work with Mai for a while if she gets pregnant again. She is definitely going to Athens and Santorini in July before coming back to help me with my visa again. We also discussed her return here to maybe teach a little again and think about opening a small cafe/restaurant here. I still hope she decides to do that because that was one of our original plans when moving here. I wonder what the situation will be by the time of reading this!?
The world is open to many possibilities for us, which is a good place to be.
Will I remember the struggle this year of dealing with my troublesome classes? Will it have been any better with my new classes? I hope I have found some strategies for better dealing with it.
I’m also busy being lazy. Reading, watching TV, listening to music. But also spending a lot of time updating 1994ever.com. Not that it will ever be finished but I hope I’m closer to having all the pre-2000s information completed by now. There’s still a lot of stuff to go through.
I’m enjoying life though not quite as much as last year. Right now, I feel a little stuck in an anticipatory wait. Maybe I need to make something happen next. Or maybe it’s just a feeling and not my reality. How am I feeling now?
These letters to myself are not as easy to write as they are to other people! So with that I’ll be off for now!
Today I’m feeling:
Sick with a cold. My sore throat was hurting through the night and I woke up with a head full of snot. I think I’ll not hang out for too long this morning before heading home and finding some medicine, rest and sleep.
Today I’m grateful for:
The pharmacy that was open in the village where I bought medicine for fever, sore throat and itchy nose. KhaoTang’s mum’s shop was closed today as were a few other places, possibly due to the Chinese New Year.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling very relaxed despite my sickness. I had nowhere to be and nothing to do beyond whatever I wanted. I wrote to Rob and caught him up on some of my news. I’ll try to keep that communication going again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Despite being hungry, eating was a bit of a struggle. I didn’t really have an appetite and even though I knew the food was tasty my receptors weren’t getting the message. I forced myself to eat it all though.
Something I learned today?
China made a microchip that uses light rather than electrons. It is said to be three thousand times faster than its electron equivalent and uses so little energy in comparison that it could last for 500 years before needing a recharge.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 15. Rest Before You Are Tired. Even if you love your job, and every day seems like a holiday, you need to take time to rest. You’re a human and not an android, never forget that.
I love rest but I also hate it. I lay down too much and spend many hours reading in that position. I love reading. It feels like resting. I like to get things done. I always like to be lazy. I push myself too much and my body forces me to stop. I’m still working on getting the balance right. Another decade or two and I should be good to go!
I took this picture because I thought these tiny little flowers were cute when I walked around Mum’s garden last week. My mind has been focused on words rather than pictures this week.
Pinned to the floor, mouth full of dirt Listening carefully for the next scream or roar Unable to feel hurt, waiting for a hand To pull back up to the new wonderland
No feeling in the toes, eyes red and wet Blood pulses slowly down the nose It’s not over yet, a forever-shifting sand Every day a vision of this wonderland
Darkness surrounds, night is as day Sharing space in these sacred grounds Desperate again to play, desperate again to stand Amongst the ruins of this wonderland
In and out of sleep, time for final dreams All the promises no one was able to keep Who knows what it means when it was all planned And the devils came to play in this wonderland
Sleepy but alive. As my body slowly revives from another rude awakening I’m sitting outside watching birds searching through the long grass for snacks or useful detritus for nest building, which I’m grateful to see they are taking full advantage of all our trees and safe nooks.
Today I’m grateful for:
Aing, Now and their two friends who helped look after our house and cats and best of all were very quiet and gentle so that us and our cats weren’t disturbed.
The best thing about today was:
Sushi buffet for dinner that I had saved up my hunger for, only eating a couple of pieces of bread around lunch time.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Having our house back to ourselves has set Amy off on a cleaning frenzy despite being tired and full after dinner and this leads to lots of ‘do this, get that, get this, do that’ to which I oblige and after a little while say ‘anything else?’ hoping that there isn’t!
What’s an opinion I held for a long time but changed?
When I was younger I ignorantly believed in freedom and anarchy. I say ignorantly in that I just didn’t know enough about it but I believed in the good of people in general, to help each other and make it work.
Age brings cynicism! I understand the appeal of less governance but ultimately I feel as if it is from the perspective of Western self-centredness and that leaves a lot of places for some to be left behind. Over time I’ve come to appreciate the ‘benevolent dictatorship’ of China, if I can call it that.
A well-governed country may not satisfy everyone when it comes to freedom but it seemed ironic to me when visiting that there was a feeling of more freedom in China than there wass in Australia (though I appreciate this was speaking as a guest).
Thailand is also way more relaxed in its rule of law, which has its upsides and downsides, of course. The government here is also not quite so benevolent to its people, or as well organised.
Governments that are corrupted are the scourge of the planet. It doesn’t matter what form the take. Corruption is the key.
Where the waters glisten night and day With all the pearls of wisdom on display There’s a bridge over untroubled waves That draws the diamonds a gambler craves
Awash with stories, a rain with dice There are twenty floors of a winner’s advice A promise of the life richly deserved Park your dreams in the spot reserved
Pearly smiles are this devil’s greeting The chase of the highs is forever fleeting One more roll, one more spin or turn The future is no longer of concern From the shore or dreams, ships depart Into the mists of the broken heart
Today I’m feeling:
A little anxious about all the things that need to be done when we get back home but also thankful that home is there waiting for me.
(Later) Amy was straight into cleaning mode so I dashed out for coffee revival at Utopia. Once back home though I got sucked into the whirlwind.
Today I’m grateful for:
The hotel staff who helped us in the morning, the taxi driver who told us about his BYD electric car, the Thai Smile check-in staff who was very helpful with our bags, the airport staff we interacted with, the pilots for flying us home, the cabin crew who gave us a snack and water, Aing for picking us up at the airport on time, Now for washing the car (badly but I appreciate the effort), Art for a great first coffee home, the seller for his fish for our dinner. All the people in and out of my space that didn’t kill me today.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling positive and content despite all our running around. Getting back to our home was a little strange for a moment but when I jumped on the bike to go to Utopia I suddenly felt free again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Aing and Now had two friends staying over and asked if they could stay for a couple more days. For me, it doesn’t really matter as we are still busy running around and Amy didn’t have any problem either except when we met them they didn’t say anything except hello. Amy was upset about that and I tried to rationalise it away. It’s pretty Thai style but still…
Also, despite us just getting back we had to drive into the city for dinner at Amy’s parents as her brother was here for the weekend and flies back early in the morning. It was literally, drive there, eat and drive back!
Something I learned today?
I caught up with all my Substack reading over the last couple of days so lots of stuff went into my eyes and possibly made it to my brain. I think I read one article twice without even realising it. Anyway, one thing that I do recall is a breakthrough in quantum computing. I don’t understand exactly what the machine was doing but the computation took one-millionth of a second whereas it was estimated it would take our current fastest supercomputer ten billion years to complete! That’s outrageous! But will it be useful? Time will tell.
What’s my earliest childhood memory?
I’ve answered this before and I’m a little curious if I would say the same thing now. It must be something from living in Bransty, Whitehaven. I have quite a few memories from there but can’t quite put them in order. The most important memory is from when I was 4 years old (and I even wonder now if that’s right but I’ve made it that age over the times I’ve recalled it) and crying because I didn’t want to die. I assume this may have been triggered by talking to my mum about why I didn’t have a father like other kids. Learning about death is pretty traumatic for a four-year-old.
I took this picture because I’m back home and our giant asparagus plant thing is about to do something. I don’t recall there being amazing flowers but it’s obviously part of its reproduction cycle. The other one that grew before hasn’t flowered again since it did back three or four years ago.
No longer trapped under the weight of the memories A hand raised to the sky, victorious and defiant Understanding the fall, seekers of the truth Now standing tall and becoming self-reliant The dirt in the mind gave birth to the seeds That grew everything to satisfy these needs
Today I’m feeling:
A little lethargic and somewhat bewildered that finally, the time has come to get on a plane again. Last night’s mala dinner is twisting my guts up and I’m hoping they settle down soon as I’m worried a coffee will be the instant trigger for action that I don’t need.
Today I’m grateful for:
The 49 baht 7-11 fried fish in lemongrass microwave meal that served as lunch and dinner. It was super tasty and not too filling.
The best thing about today was:
Due to the nature of the day, there has not been a lot going on. I did some online reading, some YouTube watching, my usual two coffee morning, a nap (nondescript but pleasurable), and checking and double checking my things, with a constant feeling of having forgotten something.
One thing making me laugh right now is a girl sitting opposite me, late teen or early twenties but her legs don’t reach the ground and she’s shaking her legs back and forth like a child might. When was the last time I felt like dangling legs or skipping just for the fun of skipping?
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
With travelling in the evening I often don’t enjoy the day as I just have an anxious feeling of anticipation. It’s always in the back of my mind that it’s very important that I’m in a certain place at a certain time.
(evening) I must remember never to get coffee at Black Canyon. It reminds me of several coffees I threw away in England. With modern technology, it should not be possible to make a beverage that tastes so bad.
Something I learned today?
I was surprised when Nong Aing saw my open bag and said ‘Is that all I’m taking?’ 3/4 of the bag is souvenirs, and the rest are my clothes. I figure it’s enough but… Obviously, I don’t pack like a girl but now I’m worried. The idea is to have space to bring back more of Amy’s things. The bag only weighed 15kg in the end and my carry-on is just a jacket and a book.
When was the last time I trusted my intuition?
I seem to have pretty good intuition about my students and can pick up when something is not right. Often they can’t tell me though because their English level is not high enough. They also seem to have good intuition about me and if they can express themselves they are happy to come to me for advice.
I guess I had to trust my intuition that I would be okay here in Thailand, both when we came together and then to stay by myself whilst Amy went back to enjoy Australia some more.
What is my intuition telling me now? I’m hoping but not hopeful that Amy can find some happiness here in Thailand and if she can’t that she will go back and forth between here and wherever she wants to explore. My intuition tells me that I will be okay with whatever comes next.
I took this picture because Tangmo came to visit, looking somewhat reticent at the decision he’d made to jump into the stream. I think he was scared to go home. He was still here a couple of hours later and I found what looked like a snake bite on his leg. I went over and got the old uncle, who walked Mo back home. Hope they take him to the vet. Otherwise, he may not be here when we get back.
A bit more lively at first but after an hour or two there’s some aching eye muscles. Again, tired but not sleepy. I have things I want to get done this morning though so I’ll push on through.
Today I’m grateful for:
Aing to come from Bangkok and take care of our cats for a couple of weeks whilst I go to Australia. Amy and I both appreciate that a lot.
The best thing about today was:
Chatting with Boss and Noey over coffee this morning.
Playing guitar for an hour again.
Dinner at Mana Mala with Aing.
All equal and taking up a majority of the day.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Time feels like it is flying out of control at the moment and I’m wondering what I will have to drop in the future as I don’t think I can keep going like this! Just stay flexible and ride the wave wherever it takes you.
Something I learned today?
Both Noey and Boss (at Utopia) broke up with their partners recently. Boss seemed a little down today so maybe he’s still dealing with it but Noey said she was over it a couple of days after the breakup. She also says she’s not that interested in finding another boyfriend and that most boys here are too short for her!
What is my deepest hope?
Ridiculous I know but I vote for the old-fashioned world peace. I mean that is my ‘deepest’ hope.
Other hopes are for personal health, happiness and satisfaction. Likewise for my friends and family and then outwards from there to the rest of the world.
I have a minor hope that Amy will be happy back here in Thailand for a while at least.
Hope both our cats can stay healthy for another ten years.
I can control some of these things to a small degree and won’t be disappointed if something out of my control sees these hopes dashed.
Did you have any bad ideas this year?
I reckon I have bad ideas every five minutes but now I’m smart enough not to act on them.
There’s not been anything that stands out on initial thought. I also haven’t really been attempting anything unusual or challenging that I might regret.
Maybe some ideas could have been executed better; I’m thinking about the record label mostly here. As I’m a little bit out of the loop with things going on around the Asian music scene it’s getting tougher for me to know who to promote to.
As I’m writing I’m getting a crazy idea to do a 7” for my friends in Stacked State as they are just about to release a new CD. That may be a bad idea financially but it’s not about the money.
I took this picture because P’ti is happy keeping guard in the shop window. I wish our cats could be so comfortable around other people. Coincidentally, check the picture from October 9th 2022!
Bleary but upbeat. I hung around at school for an hour, enjoying hanging out with all the many students I know and even some I don’t know. I came out for coffee but sitting here for a couple hours has seen my energy levels fall and I decided to cancel my class this afternoon and go home, especially as Amy leaves again tomorrow morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
Some sun breaking through for an hour or two to dry our washing. I still have a couple of doonas to take to the laundromat that will need washing and drying which I’ll try and do this weekend.
The best thing about today was:
Coming home to find that Amy had mopped and vacuumed before she leaves tomorrow. As we have another long weekend coming I can enjoy a clean and relaxing house.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
We’d told Aing that I fly to Australia on October 12th so asked her to come here on the 11th. As I had to tell Bronwyn and Jochen what dates I would be there I thought to double-check my flight details and discovered that I actually leave on the 9th! Luckily we hadn’t booked her ticket already! With a few messages back and forth everything is confirmed and we’re good to go!
Something I learned today?
I watched another Jerry’s Take On China about how the US is stirring up trouble in the South China Sea about a reef claimed by both China and the Philippines. Amazing how easily reality can get distorted through the lens of corrupt and compromised media. I find it difficult to reconcile that I’m more likely to trust Chinese state media these days. At least in amongst the weirdly Asian political presentation style it is just generally facts that are stated. No opinion or bias just plain reporting. The criticism will be that it is completely biased to the party’s doctrine but that criticism can also be directed to any Western media these days too. No matter the many-party system, there is really only one party. As the old saying goes, ‘It doesn’t matter who you vote for, the government always wins’.
What are some of my favourite song lyrics?
All the quotes that I entered here for 2022 I entered into a little notebook to send to Hayden. As there was lots of space left I decided to fill it with lyrics that I love. But when going through them and looking at them as words they somehow lose their impact. Some words carry their emotion in the way they are sung along with the memories of sweet times gone.
I took this picture because I received a nice package from Reece in the USA containing the Flesh Narc compilation which I will release soon, along with a whole slew of bonuses that I will have to find time to enjoy.
We don’t dream, we don’t ask for much We live next door to our best friends There’s nothing the community doesn’t touch We’re twenty years behind the trends
God gave us this blessing to enjoy And thanks must be given by our deeds The twisted roots may often annoy But among them are nurtured the seeds
Marrying a best friend’s brother Swelling further our congregation Expelling all that worships the other And questions their role and station
We’re white, right and pious Our satisfaction is easily met Nothing evil will get by us In God’s way, we’ve all been set
A little bit more upbeat than yesterday, thankfully. I feel like I’m going to succumb to an afternoon nap right now though (at 1 p.m.). (Later) Somehow I managed to stay awake and I’m pretty happy about that. I should sleep okay tonight. I feel a little lazy and uninspired but also very comfortable in my lovely home.
Today I’m grateful for:
The salad seller at the market. I bought two, one with 3 small prawns and another with avocado. I mixed them both up along with sesame seeds and a packet of English Cheddar chips that I’d bought a stack of from Makro. Stirred through with two blasts of creamy salad dressing that made for a fine-filling fancy.
The best thing about today was:
Getting back into the guitar lessons on my app. Since I bought premium access more than a year ago it allowed me to play any song on the app which I’d been doing. I figured I was pretty much stuck on the lessons too but I have steadily improved enough to give them a good go. Slowly slowly.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Both our bathroom sinks are leaking again and I was hoping Amy’s mum’s plumber could come and sort them out but they advised me to figure out all the different things that needed doing in the house so he could come and do it all in one go rather than back and forth, which makes sense but also means no one will come until Amy is back and has checked everything that she wants done.
In the meantime, I took apart and cleaned all the pipes under my sink and shoved it all back tightly together but it needs proper sealing at the wall.
Something I learned today?
Messaging Aing today to see if she could come up from Bangkok to visit later this month she told me of her struggles since she has been back there. All her hopes and dreams have been shattered through no real fault of her own though she probably realises that she would have been better off saying no to certain things at some point. She wants to come back to Chiang Rai and I hope she can find a way in the future.
What have I been savouring lately?
Mostly writing and updating this blog. Every old entry I add feels like a ticking off of a box of the longest-ever to-do list. I’m adding diary and poetry entries from 1984 and it’s triggering lots of things. Currently, there is also a big gap of entries from around 1997 until 2004 which doesn’t have much written down but sure played a big part in my life. A time when I was living and loving with a lot less thinking.
I took this picture because for a while I couldn’t find Tigger. Sometime during the afternoon I went to sit at my computer and found his fat butt poking from behind the screen. I’ve never seen him up here before. What are you doing fat cat?
1994ever 