Tag: Amy

Untold Story – 7th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Your wisdom made you arrogant
Though smart enough to hide
Behind that handsome smile
Your true feelings kept inside

When the winner’s cup is presented
You’re humble in the glory
Just enough to disguise
Your secret untold story

A letter from future me (sent 7th April 2023)

Dear FutureMe,

Right now you are feeling so sad and down about life. One week ago today you took little Kim to the vet where they told you she would have to stay overnight. By the next day she was gone and on the following day you buried her next to the garage.

That first week without her has been hellish. With Amy away in Australia, herself suffering the sadness along with the inability to comfort each other, it feels like double emptiness. One little cat had made such a great impact on your own little life.

You try and fill the space with Cap and Tig but their own individual personalities don’t cut it. They have their own thing going on.

Along with all this is the terrible air pollution burning your eyes and giving you headaches. When you read this it will just be a memory and hopefully you are enjoying the clean fresh air at the end of rainy season and looking forward to winter. Don’t forget this though. This shitty air will come again. Be prepared.

As the ghosts of Hellcat still haunt you, slowly this pain will dampen and I hope that all you have now are the best memories of little Kim Chi and all the love she brought to you. Like all that you’ve lost in your life – mum, Steve, Kimi – they were special.

This is hard to write. I’m sitting here in Utopia feeling a little like not wanting to go home and be surrounded by the memories. It’s the holidays now and not wanting to go out into the foul air means staying home and subjecting myself to the constant reminders of that bright-eyed little one.

I hope you are feeling better mate.
Shaun from the past

Today I’m feeling:

Aching all over. Old muscles must’ve been activated yesterday. I slept well enough and woke up before my 8 am alarm but feel like today may need a nap to catch up fully.

I was dizzy drinking my coffee and have come home and got back into bed! I don’t feel sleepy, just tired.

Today I’m grateful for:

Yesterday! Despite my tired body, I feel great, especially after a two-hour top-up of sleep. Slowly I’m feeling (and seeing) the benefits of my exercise habit.

The best thing about today was:

I enjoyed playing guitar today and ended up playing for about an hour and a half. I didn’t do a whole lot of anything else much otherwise though. No exercise at all today. Give my body a chance to recover.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Around 2 pm I decided to go out to the shop next to Utopia to get my favourite dish, Lard Na, but when I got there the lady said she’d run out of the crispy noodles. She provided a solution in Thai that I didn’t understand but agreed to and waited with some trepidation. But I shouldn’t have worried because the thick rice noodles she used she had added an egg too which had gone crispy and tasty, all buried under the usual sauce, tofu and veggies I like.

Something I learned today?

I watched a couple more episodes of The Making of Apocalypse Now and understood more the parallels of the history, the movie’s story and the making of it. The crew went through their own kinds of hell to make it possible. Quite an impressive feat and one of my favourite movies.

What do I hope to achieve someday?

100? To wake up with no aches? Recognition, immortality, legend?

Complete 100% satisfaction and happiness?

I feel like I don’t have any real goals set to tick off any achievements and now I pass the mantle on to Hayden and my students. They have potentially more future ahead of them than I do and my hope is that they achieve some of their dreams and wishes.

I took this picture because this little buddy was pleased to see me again and quickly presented her belly for rubs.

The Illiterati – 23rd September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What did I learn today?
The student reminds themselves
What do I need to unlearn
And take down from the shelves?
What did I forget today
That must be revised and relearned?
To fight against the Illiterati
Some books must be burned

inspired by a quote by Alvin Toffler which I’ve immediately forgotten!

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to go and tired. I was exhausted last night and fell to sleep quickly but woke again once the aircon switched off and due to aching shoulders from exercising.

Today I’m grateful for:

The polio vaccine that I was given when I was at Bransty First School. I have a slight memory of receiving vaccinations here every year or two and not really understanding what they were for but they were serious business. It may be childish recall but the needles back then seemed to be as thick as a pencil and as expected they sure hurt a six-year-old’s skinny soft flesh. I never knew anyone who had polio but many of the adults around seemed to and told of its blight.

Reading an Ian Dury biography today told of how he contracted polio from a swimming pool in 1949 and all the problems he suffered whilst growing up. It was not until 1954 that a vaccine was finally created and which I would be given about 20 years later.

Whilst there may be some scepticism about a fast-tracked covid vaccine I scoff at people who refuse all vaccines for whatever reason. I understand a friend’s reluctance about vaccines when her brother died after an allergic reaction to one and I’m sympathetic to that tragedy but that cannot counter all the positive effects of vaccines for the 99.9% of people who it has saved from experiencing severe health issues.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a fair bit of reading in. Some more Midnight Library, the first chapters of the Ian Dury bio and finishing the first part of the Clive James bio. I even spent some time in the hammock for the first time maybe for the whole year.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I ran out of energy, as often happens on Saturdays these days. I submitted to an afternoon nap after trying to put it off. I woke again just as it was getting dark and haven’t really woken up properly. I think I’ll be back in bed again soon.

Something I learned today?

Amy got home safely from the gay bar she was in last night. I had fallen asleep so wasn’t able to video-call and accompany her home. She also told me that her dad seemed to be doing ok and they thought there was no cancer spread though that’s not 100% confirmed yet. So long as he recovers and Amy’s grandmum can hang on then our plans she be fine to go ahead.

What situation is asking me to be courageous or brave right now?

Maybe not sure if brave or courageous might be the right words but I have to get my head around the fact that Amy will be back permanently soon. That will be a shift in routines and make me busier than these last couple of years. I’m already struggling to get things done that I enjoy each day. If I think about sacrificing anything it will be watching videos in front of the TV which is what I usually want to do to wind down a little.

I took this picture because I liked the way this ice was sitting in the glass and liked it even better with a black and white filter.

A Little Sunshine – 20th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When the sweetest words are whispered
With sincerity and connection
Dreams inspire more dreams
To bring light, hope and meaning
A little sunshine that beams on the floor
Not only warms the feet
But comforts the heart with it
To counter my own rainy days

Today I’m feeling:

Very positive and happy. By around midday, I was that kind of happy tired, a little delirious, meditative and relaxed. I am starting to feel the wind-down myself now though I still can’t really fathom that in a couple more weeks I’ll be heading to Australia.

Today I’m grateful for:

The guy at the market who sells puff pastries with durian cream. He hadn’t made any when I got there last week and I was hankering for it since then. I also saw the stall selling fish and rice that I wanted to try but had already bought salad for dinner. I have to remember to try it next week.

The best thing about today was:

All the good conversations with students in and out of my classes. One in particular with Jee about how poorly paid Thai government workers are and another with JubJib where she was riffing on this story that she was making up about all her classmates and what their characters would be like in her story. She asked me what her character should be like and I said she should be the opposite of how she is in real life so she should be tough and mean, wear leather jackets and like to fight. I could see her mind whirling with this idea, she seemed to like that.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy is getting more concerned about her mum who is shouldering all the responsibilities for all the sick people in the family and has lost five kilos in a week what with running around, stressing and not sleeping and eating properly. Dad goes into hospital for his operation tomorrow and hopefully that all goes smoothly but at the same time Grandmum is not speaking or eating at the moment and may deteriorate quickly. So even if our plans continue with me going to Australia, the feeling may not be of excitement and pleasure. 

Something I learned today?

Today is Hayden’s birthday (27? Is that right!? Crazy!) and he went for Korean BBQ with his mum, friend and girlfriend. She sent me a couple of pictures so today I learned what my son’s girlfriend looks like. He hasn’t told me much about her but I hope she is a positive influence for him.

What went well today?

Despite having frustrating issues trying to get a projector working in my first class and all the students wanting free time (which I refused!) we slowly and deliberately did some listening exercises and even though it took them more than an hour to listen and write two minutes of conversation we did it with little stress and in a relaxed way and Jee, in particular, said she found this work difficult but enjoyed it and wanted to do it more because she knew that there are not many opportunities to practice like this.

I took this picture because yesterday there were posts on the university’s Facebook page from students asking about this friendly dog that turned up outside Lotus’s and the market along with pictures that I easily recognised as Tangmo. The posts were around 2 pm yesterday but I remembered that he came to see me when I got home at 4.30 so he had obviously found his way back home in the meantime.
The biggest worry about it though is that the highway is usually very busy and Tangmo isn’t the smartest and most aware dog in the world but he had somehow managed to navigate his way to the other side and back. I took this picture to send to Amy to show that he was still ok but typically he can’t walk more than a few metres before stopping to scratch or munch on an itchy back as he’s doing here. I’ve also been teaching him to keep a snack on his nose before he’s allowed to eat it. I think he might be able to do it one day.

Secret Friend – 18th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A love not allowed
Always having to pretend
We became each others’
Secret friend

The thrill of it fed us
Illicit liaisons in the dark
Talking under the bridge
Walking around the park

No authority could conspire
To make our secret known
Always with excuses
So our cover was never blown

Until the pressure mounted
And blew up from within
It ripped our world apart
For new stories to begin

19th Oct 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – secret

Today I’m feeling:

Great, despite sleeping badly with aching hips and being too cold from the aircon. I got to school early and enjoyed multiple conversations with students. Most everyone seems to be in a good mood.

Today I’m grateful for:

The small office room at school that doesn’t get used much anymore and I can commandeer to talk one-to-one with students. I need to get them away from each other to see what they really know. To be honest, I don’t see much improvement during this time from most of them but hopefully, bits and pieces are sinking in.

The best thing about today was:

Checking in on David’s grade 8 class after my one-hour class and sitting with the poorer students and getting them started so they could start to see the pattern and what they needed to do. I think those students appreciated it especially when they realised how easy it was.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got to the new immigration office pretty early but still ended up waiting about 45 minutes just to get the stamp in my passport for another year’s stay. At least I was prepared for this though and could catch up with some reading.

What is a photo that makes me smile every time I see it?

Maybe this used to be photos of Kim Chi but now those same pictures make me feel sad and miss her.

This picture brings back happy memories of new love and adventures.

Where did I show kindness?

Despite wanting to get out of school quickly to get some shopping done on the way home I ended up staying an extra 30 minutes and helping students in David’s class. I also followed up with one of the sleepers in that class to try and encourage them a bit more. It’s like leading cats forward with treats but at the end of the day the cat is still going to do what it wants to do.

I took this picture because I’m always making fun of Baipad for sleeping in class. I think she has some sort of problem that makes her tired as well as probably not eating well and overuse of the phone. The more I think about it the longer the list of things that have a negative impact on these kids these days. What to do…?

Making Happy – 16th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Here lies the glory days
The laughter, love and pains
Stashed ragged in a box
A jumbled collection of remains

Dried disintegrated flowers
Scattered at the grave of who I’ve been
Now forever falling forward
Towards whatever I wish to dream

Once I came back to visit
But couldn’t force myself to stay
The memories are happier now
And I’d like to keep them that way

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Tired from a long reasonable sleep. My body is aching from all the exercise this week so I’ll happily give it a little break. No plans in particular for today though I might watch the AFL replays as they should be good games. I’ll get some reading in today as I skipped it a lot this week, running out of time and energy. I need to pick up the guitar too. Suddenly I’m filling a relaxing day but at least there’s no real stress right now.

Today I’m grateful for:

A dreamy afternoon nap, spacing in and out of the jazz core podcast. Is that weird? I remember one time as a teenager Jez came around and he couldn’t believe I was sleeping and listening to Crass’s Yes Sir, I Will album cranked up and to be fair I wasn’t in a deep sleep but spacing in and out. I guess I’m well-practiced.

The best thing about today was:

Drinking late morning coffees and getting a super buzz off them. I contemplated a third but managed to restrain myself. I wish I could drink endless coffees without getting so jacked up on them.

What is it that makes you a weirdo in your space?

To answer this I might have to figure out what ‘my space’ means. In fact, I might be considered a weirdo in any space these days. But I’m projecting that onto other people. I don’t think of myself as weird at all.

My space as a teacher: not just as a teacher but as a teacher in Thailand. By being a foreigner, that immediately makes me an anomaly. We are treated differently by other teachers and students alike.

My style of interaction with the teachers is relatively normal but I am one of only two teachers I ever see engaging with kids outside of class. This could also contribute to how the students treat me differently too. 

They don’t show the same respect but they are more interactive at least. I don’t see myself as being on some kind of untouchable pedestal that this status could afford. I’d rather connect on a more friendly level. That means also having to deal with all their emotional ups and downs and behavioural issues as they are navigating their teenage growth. 

What the Thai teachers think about my style of interaction with the students I have no idea or particular interest. I’m doing the best I can with the little skills I have and if it improves my student’s lives in any way then I consider what I’m doing to be positive.

My space as a music supporter: as demonstrated with tenzenmen I have a broad range of musical interests and whilst this makes for an unsuccessful business model I don’t wish to be defined within a limited genre because that’s just boring to me. Some people get it. 

As a person that was in the middle of a ‘scene’ in Sydney, I was also, somewhat purposefully, separate from the other people involved. In many ways, I just didn’t want to deal with all the personal bullshit going on in their lives or share any of mine. Our interactions were intentionally just involving music and getting that out there. I felt that about 80% of the people were my friends whom I could trust if I ever needed but always managed to keep myself in a situation where that need would never arise. This didn’t make me close friends in their eyes but it did for me.

My space as Amy’s partner: Amy may consider me a weirdo in many ways but she understands my aesthetic and ideals whether she understands my interests or not. 

For other people outside our relationship, I don’t really know what they might think about me as an individual but they are often confused about our relationship. For Amy and I, it is not confusing at all.

Many of her friends do not understand how we can trust each other and maintain our relationship when we are not together but that is hardly a statement on us and says more about them.

My space as a father to Hayden: I guess I’m not particularly weird in this space. I have never been much of a hands-on controlling kind of father and therefore have not been particularly stressed about his growing pains and even when it has been frustrating to watch him make mistakes I have always trusted that he will find his way in the end and slowly he seems to be doing that. I may be wrong but I feel many fathers deal with their sons in the same way.

There are other spaces I fill too but these feel like the main.

What would make today great?

Well, the day is almost done and it was a standard good day without anything particularly great occurring. It was great that the rain that threatened all day managed to hold off until I had brought the washing in. Small wins.

Noey took this picture because I got up late and Utopia were wondering where I was. That’s nice to be appreciated as a customer or even as a friend.
Fatman report

Step On – 13th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

Stairs never-ending
Treading same old paths
Hungrily ascending
Reliving time-worn pasts
Sun beats relentless
As per the decades gone
Head spun senseless
Sisyphus is never done
When was really my time?
Did I ever really belong?

22nd Jul 2024 – Submitted to No Theme Thursday and the picture above

Today I’m feeling:

Ok so far, after invigorating exercise and a cold shower. Last night I set the aircon to turn off and despite waking up hot at some point, it wasn’t too uncomfortable. In the end though, I found myself waking up about 20 minutes before my alarm and thinking about Amy’s parents and what happens next and considering even longer term that if they are gone and if something happens to Amy too then who can I turn to for help? 

My energy is starting to flag a little by this afternoon though I feel quite contented. I look forward to getting home and hopefully, I sleep well tonight.

Today I’m grateful for:

Getting home after a long-ish day. I’m tired and hungry though not grumpy. Not yet anyway.  I picked up salad at the uni market, where I also bumped into Nong Na, and I’m savouring the prospect of eating it after a few minutes in the fridge to cool it down.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying my grade 10 class as they struggled through taking notes on a phone call. Thankful for technology that allowed us to set up a group call that allowed myself and the best English-speaking student Toon to sit in the teacher’s room carrying out the conversation whilst everyone listened intently, or in bewilderment, on their phones.

Kru Nu came in at one point and sat smiling listening to us have the conversation. I hope the smile meant she was happy with my work and not a ‘what are you doing here’ ironic smile.

Anyway, most of the students struggled so much that in my break between classes I quickly wrote another conversation and found a video that they can also use for listening practice and we will do that tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Despite feeling tired already during the morning, Amy had rung to ask me to drop by to see her mum and dad. With a busy day, it meant I would have to go after school finished, where I would have preferred just to get home quickly. I had already expected this call a little and of course, it would be the right thing to do considering the circumstances. 

So I dropped by, breathing deeply, meditating my way through my lack of energy. They both appreciated my visit and I asked them about Leo, Dad’s dog, and took him for a walk. At least he was walking when I could shake him off my leg. He has sharp nails that scratched me even through my jeans and leaves a bad doggy smell that Tangmo was very curious about later when I got home.

I offered to come walk Leo anytime they wanted and to call me if they needed me to do anything. They seemed happy despite the situation. I guess we don’t know anything too much yet, just that they have found the cancer. Things may get more serious and sooner rather than later.

After getting home and feeding Tangmo a snack I stripped off my dog-smelly clothes straight into the washing machine and showered off any further lingering dog juices.

Something I learned today?

With talk of operations and chemotherapy Amy told me about how Thai people she knows who have suffered similar medical issues in Australia had to pay very little for treatment there if they were covered by Medicare. One girl even said that she would now be dead if it had happened in Thailand as she wouldn’t have been able to pay for the treatment. Another plus for Australia.

What do I enjoy most about my daily life?

Morning coffee, reading books, reading comics, listening to music, talking to my students, playing guitar, writing here, post-exercise cold showers.

Which do I enjoy the most? Why do I have to choose? 

If it is something I most enjoy I would think I should do it more but I do these things just enough. If I did them more they may become less enjoyable.

I took this picture because we were taking Leo out for his walk. I want to say that is an excited look on Leo’s face and it may be, but that is also what he always looks like. Imagine just being constantly excited. It looks stressful!

Stuck In Reverse – 9th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Oil pours from the heart
Thick, sad and grey
Even the falling tears
Cannot wash it away
Struggling with movement
This unreal ache inside
Consumes all thoughts
As if one had died

Life continues blurred
A no-prescription fix
Life left without magic
A wall without bricks
Cogs no longer turning
Rusted brown from salt
Stuck in reverse
But nobody’s fault

Today I’m feeling:

Still a little run-down. I had some tension in my legs that stopped me from sleeping much beyond my alarm and eventually pulled myself out of bed. The gardeners are coming today and I was expecting them to wake me up but no sign yet. I contemplated some exercise but flaked out. Ugh.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to watch the AFL again this season. This elimination final has got me tense and stressed and it’s the end for Sydney and the rest of the day will feel a little flat unless I find something to do to pick myself up. Fark it!

I’m also grateful to the Swans for their determination to make the finals this year against the odds. They are not a premiership-looking team at the moment though to be fair they weren’t in 2012 either when they beat Hawthorn. Let’s wait for next summer.

The best thing about today was:

Receiving a nice message from my student Namkhing (see yesterday) for helping her improve her English. It made me feel appreciated.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The gardeners still hadn’t come by 1 pm so I went out to grab some lunch and go shopping and when I got back three hours later they were just leaving. As I wasn’t here I couldn’t tell them not to cut Kim’s patch but at least they left the tub that is placed over her plant. The things growing there will recover pretty quickly anyway so not too bad.
Elsewhere I can see everything is pretty badly done if you look closely. Really no attention to detail.
I was curious if the little papaya would get destroyed and sure enough, it did. I don’t want to tell Amy how unsatisfied I am with their work as it will just make her upset and angry and give her more ammunition to complain about her undeveloped third-world country. I think that will just get me down so I’ll just dwell on the fact that at least the grass looks better.

Something I learned today?

There are an estimated 8.7 million species on earth and more than 80% of them are undiscovered. (factanimal.com)

What am I most excited about for the future?

I should be more excited about going to Australia and I probably will feel it more once I land. The familiarity of Sydney will make for a strange feeling as this will be the first time to take a holiday in this city. Most holidays I had when I was there involved going to someplace else.

As I was writing this Amy video-called and I could see the familiar deep blue sky behind her. I could sense the smells, sounds and feeling of being there. Whilst I miss that now, I know that familiarity breeds contempt or more just complacency and taking things for granted. Maybe I’m even taking things for granted here now too as I’m less awed by the fact that I am here in Thailand.

Beyond that, I’m not particularly excited about anything specifically. I’m either flat or satisfied with where I’m at right now and I prefer to think I’m the latter.

I took this picture because this excited little pup came to greet me at the restaurant next door to Utopia. It’s grown since I last saw it but I could still squash it with my foot!

A Dull Knife – 7th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Where did your confidence go?
Now is the time that matters
When the body began to grow
Your self-belief just shatters

Open for manipulations
And unable to see your abuse
Dealing with the situations
When you think that you’re no use

Ahead lies a trail of tears
Never knowing where it’s going
Unless you overcome these fears
That are stopping you from growing

inspired by a struggling student whose name may translate to something like ‘blade’ or ‘propeller’

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and stuffed up. Last night I was getting a sore throat but that seems ok today. Now it seems to have moved into my head. I didn’t sleep well and when my alarm went off I sent a message to my students that I wouldn’t be at school and went back to an extra 3 hours of bad sleep. My body is aching from all the exercising I’ve been doing too, maybe pushing too hard (but the results in the mirror are inspiring). I’m grateful for a day off and time to go and check the dental clinic at the hospital.

Today I’m grateful for:

To meet the little pregnant cat at the shop next door to Utopia that was sitting quietly on the mat and either contemplating life or watching the traffic. It’s about 60% white but then the rest is a complete jumble of every other cat colour you ever saw. A quarter of her head looks like Tigger and elsewhere are small patches of Kim-ginger. What a family tree this kitty must have and due to soon add further to the sad abundance of cats looking for homes.

The best thing about today was:

Doing very little. The chocolate protein milk I drank was nice and, pulling out some weeds, being about as much exercise as I got today, felt satisfying. Nothing over the top as a stand-out highlight and despite being tired, dizzy and lazy, the day was enjoyable enough.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Last night before going to sleep I told myself that despite having a sore throat and feeling tired I would get up with my alarm and exercise and if I still felt bad I would go back to bed. In the back of my mind I knew that there was little chance of me getting up and doing this and that is indeed what happened.
I don’t yet have the thought control to overcome the easy way out though also feel I should respect what my body is telling me. It is tired for a reason and not just laziness.
Today I have already decided to go to school tomorrow and that means exercise in the morning. As my mind is already anticipating being at school this is more likely to happen.

Something I learned today?

It is Nong Fah’s birthday today. Happy 14th birthday to a smart kid. I only knew from her Facebook post wishing herself a happy birthday. Kids seem to do that a lot. They maybe don’t set their profile up with a birthday or with the correct date but then when it comes around they want people to know and to soak in some best wishes.

What work do I enjoy doing?

At one point or another, I’ve enjoyed all the different types of work I’ve done. The work isn’t usually an issue, it’s the systems, people and chasing of profit that make it difficult, uninspiring and frustrating. 

In some ways, I’m jealous of those who have utilised their creativity to be able to work at things they love and be able to earn enough money (or be satisfied with their struggle) to survive. In other ways, I’ve been happy to keep the money-making separate from the things I love to do.

At this moment in time, there has been some convergence between the two as I’m very satisfied with the work I’m doing (teaching) and getting financially rewarded enough.

Quote: It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see. – Henry David Thoreau

I’ve looking at this quote for many days not being sure what to write but Fah’s birthday has provided me with the inspiration. You can see from the picture that she is a pretty girl but she is not a standout amongst the crowds in the school or even in her class. What attracts me to her is her personality, smarts and common sense. It’s not about maturity as such, as she still acts in common with most 13/14-year-olds. To look at her is one thing, what I see is another.

What I see when I look at my wife is our history of 15 years and everything that that means to me. The good times, the tough times, the fun and funny times. Travels, experiences, companionship, love.

When I look at attractive young ladies I’m only looking at a picture, I don’t ‘see’ anything beyond that. When I look at Amy I ‘see’ her completely. On the outside, we are no longer the handsome or beautiful people we met but have travelled together beyond the superficial. Whatever the future holds it won’t be spoiled by anything that could merely be considered a picture.

I took this picture of the birthday girl from one of her online videos. I’ll send it to her again in ten years’ time (if we are still in touch) and we can reminisce about the days we are having now. Students for life.

No Fish – 6th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A fish for today
A problem gone away
Tomorrow, will you be so kind?
A gift quite odd
Here’s a fishing rod
And you may eat all the fish you find

Today I’m feeling:

Ready for the day. I had a bit of a bad dream when my alarm went off. A weird story of Nong May and I walking across a street and she bumped into a guy and they both fell over. I was concerned for both of them and we ended up catching a scary bus to get to a doctor and insurance place. Everything around was getting darker and more ominous. I could’ve slept a lot longer but I was quite glad to get out of this dream.

Today I’m grateful for:

Not having caught everyone’s colds and flu so far. Many students are sick, coughing and sneezing in class. Sooner or later I will get sick for sure but so far so good. I can feel my throat is dry and itchy just when I’m writing this!

The best thing about today was:

Feeling like my Thai language learning is improving just by using it in class more often and trying to understand the kids when they speak Thai to me. Google Translate is much better than it was a couple of years ago and I can imagine we get to a point where we don’t even bother to learn languages anymore and use super fast translation instead. 

In my grade 10 class today I asked the students how often they used messaging instead of calling and it seemed to be 80/20 favouring messaging.

Will we stop talking altogether? Once we figure out converting thoughts into text maybe our mouths will only be used for eating.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday I was thinking about doing a particular exercise (running dictation) with a couple of my one-hour classes but then remembered that in previous years it had taken much longer, so I quickly switched them around to be in our two-hour classes, one of which was today. 

I was then shocked to find them finished within the hour and us having time to spare. I stretched things out before letting them do other work or free time. 

Everyone enjoyed the class, though they got hot with the running and as I had anticipated the lazier students soon got distracted but in the end, things turned out ok. I do the same exercise with another class tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

There are rumours that the terrible fires in Hawaii, which locals are saying may have killed a couple of thousand people, may have been deliberately started or at least had a deliberately delayed response as investors were looking to get the area cleared out to build a new ‘city’.  Save time and money by letting everything burn!

The locals are still struggling to receive help or even information. It sure looks like a horrible situation and is close to a modern genocide if these people are to be believed.

What random memory comes to mind right now?

This is a difficult question to answer when sitting and trying to think of it. It then becomes not random. Random memories will pop up during the day but not at the time I have this question in my mind. All the things that happened today are already memories and they are already swirling around in the quagmire of my brain.

Next time an older memory does randomly appear I’ll try to remember it and come back and add it. Or more likely I will read this sometime in the future and all the text here will be the actual random memory.

What am I taking for granted?

I think I am probably taking a lot of things for granted right now, though because of that, they are difficult for me to identify. Everyday things such as water, electricity, internet, phone, computer data, and music are almost ubiquitous and easily taken for granted and would be stressful if taken away. 

In some ways, I take Amy for granted but that is part of a relationship and we often remind each other in mostly humorous ways that we don’t do that.

Part of writing a gratitude entry every day is to be reminded not to take things for granted.

Miyor took this picture amongst a whole bunch of others because she was messing around with apps and filters etc.  I wish the kids would put as much effort into studying English! 

Ugly Duckling – 4th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I lied to myself for a long time
I always understood the truth
Under the twisted thoughts of mine
Born of the immaturity of youth

It’s always a struggle, always a fight
To keep the evil demons at bay
Complacency can be found in the light
And the beasts come out to play

Finally, I sought to reject these lies
Because I was slowly killing myself
I broke the bonds of the feeblest ties
And my mind rediscovered its health

Today I’m feeling:

Good and fairly positive. I woke up with a start as my alarm went off implying that I didn’t get enough sleep. I pushed through exercise knowing I was burning up some fat stores as I didn’t eat much at all yesterday, not feeling that hungry, and weighing in under 80kg again today. Throughout the day I was surprised at how well I was feeling and I put it down to the exercise I’ve been doing which inspired me to keep it up.

Today I’m grateful for:

The packet of Tong Garden jumbo raisin medley that I mix with a small packet of party snack mix to add some texture and flavour for a pre-dinner treat.

The best thing about today was:

Being greeted by so many different students, many of whom I didn’t even know, some talking to me about other students in my classes. Everywhere I walk around school students want to talk or at least communicate with me though they can sometimes get cheekily upset when I forget their name, though I might not have spoken to them for three months. I’m slowly starting to find where each little ‘gang’ hangs out at lunchtime so if I’m in the mood and have time I will happily wander around for an hour stopping for chats, play, and sometimes even learning.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In the morning I realised what I’d planned for my class today they had already done, so I quickly threw together a spelling test, 20 words open book and 20 words closed, along with a word search game for each.
I started the class with the word search but it soon became apparent that it was really difficult and was going to take longer than expected. As I wanted to do both word searches and tests in one hour I quickly jumped online and remade the second word search easier. Even with that though we didn’t manage to get everything done.
There are some poor students in the class who really struggle with spelling and a couple that didn’t write anything at all on the second one. I told them that it didn’t matter if they got everything wrong but they must at least try. One student did indeed get every word wrong but I could tell from what she’d written that she was at least listening and trying. That’s what I prefer, especially as opposed to some others who just copied from their friends.

Something I learned today?

I learned that two of my favourite students had a falling out a few weeks ago and I was a little surprised by it at first but on reflection it’s pretty normal for kids this age. I heard both their stories but couldn’t really get to the bottom of it and either way, I still love them both for who they are with me.

In the morning I had been updating blog entries from 1984 and was disparaging towards Rupert with whom I had been friends with just a week or two before and unfriendly a month or two before that. At that time I was a couple of years older than these two students today, which goes to show how immature I was at then despite hearing how mature I seemed from other people.

What do I hope to experience some day?

Sometimes I miss that feeling of excitement and discovery of new love but it’s been so long and I guess I’m somewhat jaded, just by my age, that if the situation ever arises again I doubt the feeling will be the same. Really, I prefer the feeling I have now anyway, of ongoing love, trust and satisfaction.

I’m avoiding the question. 

Have I had all my experiences already? I’m barely shocked or surprised at anything these days. I’m appreciative of being appreciated or rewarded with kind words or even awards but they don’t emotionally charge me at all. I feel like I’m just doing what I do. 

I guess I could do some thrill-seeking or travelling. But ultimately everything boils down to the same thing. Being in one place is much like being in another.

Okay, I hope to experience continuing happiness with my little Amy wherever we are in the world. I hope I can take my current feeling of contentment with me in whatever is next in my life.

I took this picture because this shy little cat often sleeps in the shade of my car whilst I’m drinking coffee at House. It’s too nervous for petting though.