Tag: Anchan

Burning Man – 22nd April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Some things are indefensible
We all make mistakes
The idea is to learn and grow
No matter what it takes

When genocide repeats itself
What was the fight for?
When the persecuted rain down
Their own hypocritical war

When destruction becomes immoral
What must a soldier do?
Take a big bite of courage
To get the message through

Propaganda no longer hides
The truth of all this killing
To turn a buck for a belief
In a society no longer willing

Today I’m feeling:

Good, after forcing myself up and to exercise. I really wanted to sleep more so I’m happy with myself and my motivation.

Today I’m grateful for:

The local hospital and Dr Poom, my medicine dispenser.  I was able to get straight in today with barely 5 minutes wait, despite it being very busy.  I also asked about information for my students who are struggling and what to recommend them if and when they go to the hospital.

It occurred to me today that after Baipad tried to overdose on paracetamol all the hospital were concerned about was her kidney health.  It seems like maybe no one even asked her why she did it!

Anyway, the info from Dr Poom was useful as they have a child psychiatrist there and psychotherapists too.

The best thing about today was:

My energy levels being great for most of the day due to that morning exercise.  I felt energetic and inspired through all of the day and though I wasn’t doing much strenuous work since the morning I just kept going from one thing to another.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As mentioned a couple of weeks ago there has been a change to access the full replay of the AFL matches online and whilst I was able to access it with a VPN last time, today it didn’t work and I was getting wound up by it while trying to figure out a way around it.  Eventually I just had to resign myself to watching the 15 minute mini-match highlights.  Disappointing but all I can do is shout at the clouds.

Something I learned today?

I learned that it is costing the USA 200 million dollars an hour to keep the genocide rolling in Palestine.  Or as the USA likes to call it, defending Israel.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent pep messages to Anchan and Baipad this morning.  I also chatted a little with my other students, Freya, Winter and Wipping.

I beeped at the annoying BMW in front of me that failed to move at the traffic lights, meaning that we all missed it and couldn’t go anywhere.  I was frustrated for a minute.

Did you do something difficult or challenging today?

I picked up the guitar again today and it sucked!  But I persevered even whilst continuing to suck.  I need to change the strings too.  They sound dull – much like my playing!  Never mind.  I won’t be deterred.

I took this picture because this was the view from our dinner table on Saturday, looking over the Mae Khong to Laos.

Friday Antidote – 18th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Making Monday Friday
Smile through gritted teeth
The best day of the week
Comes down to belief

No day is hump day
Every one a joy
Waiting for the weekend
A folly to employ

So savour every minute
Life only starts when you begin it

Submitted to dVerse – Friday and FOWC with Fandango — Antidote
23rd Jun 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – folly

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty inspired after a good sleep.

The crying cats woke me up to feed them at 8.30 so I got up and did that but knew I wanted more sleep.  Back in bed and I eventually got up at around 11.30.  Hooray for a good long sleep!

I think I ended up sleeping at around 2am last night as I was reading comics til 1am and then listening to the Henry and Heidi podcast about Rollins Band.

Today I’m grateful for:

A guy called Pran.  He is Baipad’s mum’s boyfriend and he got in touch with me today because he wants to understand more about Baipad because they may end up all living together.

Baipad put us in touch and was ok for me to tell him everything.  I kinda understand why she doesn’t want to tell him directly.  Baipad seems to like him so I hope he is a trustworthy and good guy.

The best thing about today was:

Getting back to some guitar practice. This holiday has been on and off for me, not wanting to go out into the oven of my room in the afternoons.  But today I told myself to get back to it.  It was a struggle to play and I know that it just needs more practice and that the more I do, the better I will get.

I also told myself that I need to get back into exercise too.  I downloaded a new app to try out for motivation and will start tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing wildly out of control.  I accepted that I woke up late and was even happy about it as I got enough good rest.  

At various times throughout the day Amy would order me to do something and I was in the mood to acquiesce without complaint.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

With Baipad’s approval I told Pran everything that I knew about Baipad’s experience and also gave my suggestions as to what might help her.  I also told him that I understood Baipad’s mum too.

Anchan said that she wanted to go to a friends house and bake.  I told her to stop thinking and get going.  Later on she told me that she had a good time.

Momo took this picture last week because I asked her to. With me is Baitong – a funny favourite of mine.

Splinters – 17th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

With the few words I write
There’s just a chance you might
Catch a splinter of me
To guess my personality

But to draw conclusions
From these brief allusions
Would only go to show
How little we both know

Yet every little simple rhyme
Pieced together over time
Forms a picture in your mind
Tell me what it is you find

Today I’m feeling:

Average.  Not good or bad, a little tired but not unenthusiastic.  A little bored and out of sync.  Missing routine and unable to manufacture my own.

(I got lazy for the rest of the day, savouring reading, eating and watching TV)

Today I’m grateful for:

(The idea that the cream puff guy usually sells at the market, which inspired me to get out of the house in search of him. He wasn’t there but I was still glad to get out.)

The best thing about today was:

(Being lazy and not caring!)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

(See above)

Something I learned today?

(At the time, the English thought that though Australians were strong they were not brave and cut out to be soldier material, during the fighting in Gallipoli during the First World War.  I found this odd as Australians still celebrate the bravery of the soldiers there. History can be shaped in any way necessary.)

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

(Continuing support for Anchan and Baipad, though I’m starting to feel a little helpless. They both must feel terrible.)

When do I feel most connected to others?

I feel weirdly connected with everyone that I know as if I saw them again after many years then nothing would have changed.  This might be a problem as obviously everything has changed in that time.

It’s one of the reasons that I don’t contact people often (I’m quite happy by myself) though I do recognise that others won’t feel the same way.

I’m most connected with my students these days, again understanding that they are not connected with me in the same way. Talking and playing with students is when I feel most connected.

Through Confusion – 13th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Sometimes I wonder what I’m looking for
Why there’s no handle for this door?
What glimmers from the forest floor?
Confused by all these questions

A calm demeanour to maintain
Despite the urge to not remain
Too tired and weary to explain
Confused by all the answers

But I own myself, I’m not for sale
Despite the loss, I cannot fail
Collecting thoughts to fairytale
Confused by all the stories

I went from green to red to green
Saw many things I’ve never seen
I’ve become what I’ve always been
Learning through all this confusion

Written for Ovi Poetry Challenge – maintenance, WDYS #233, Writer’s Workshop Prompts – sale and dVerse – green. Also submitted to NaPoMo.

Today I’m feeling:

A little bleary.  Coffee hasn’t done its magic.

A disappointing practice of guitar has got me down and now the blaring PA system of the neighbours celebrating Songkran is annoying me.  I just want quiet – to think, to read.  It was fun to see the children preparing to start splashing everyone this morning though.

The skies are clearer than the last few weeks, there’s some breeze and the temperature quite bearable.  Only one thing for us to do today – shopping.

Today I’m grateful for:

Art giving me a free cake for Songkran today.

Also, Amy wanting to go to Big C and allowing me to drop a couple of things in the trolley that I wanted.  

She also paid for Swenson’s ice cream for our dessert – which was great and all but nothing on LungChom’s ice cream.

Needless to say, I’m putting on weight this month.

The best thing about today was:

Finding a baby cow at the front door!

We both heard some mooing outside our living room window but it sounded to me as if it was in the field at the back.  A few minutes later we heard it at the front, though thought it was still coming from the field next door.

A second time though and we went to investigate to find the little cutie confused on how to get back to its mum that was calling from the field next door.

We were eventually able to usher it out and back where it immediately got to suckling and security.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both Baipad and Anchan have been out of contact for a couple of days.  

There’s nothing to be done, I just hope that they are both doing ok for now.

Something I learned today?

I found a very funny comedian on YouTube called Dan Rath.  He’s from Sydney too.

What’s a question I’ve been pondering lately?

I have been thinking a little about what is next?  Am I just going to keep on documenting my life up until this point without really adding anything further to it?  Am I done?  

I am weirdly happy and satisfied though.  

Or am I just old, tired and lazy?  

Pondering questions raises more questions.

I took this picture because we take pictures of our visitors.

Big Bad Wolves – 10th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

She,
little
fighting girl
walking the woods,
The big bad wolves ripped her pretty dress,
All her dreams now become a nightmare,
She skirts around
the pain deep
inside
her.

He
runs wild,
teeth and snarl,
with big bad wolves,
Egged on and eager, salivating so,
ripping at her pretty dress, her cries
echo into
the darkness
of his
soul.

Inspired after reading Yassy’s poem, the form is apparently a tetracyt. Also submitted to NaPoMo.

Today I’m feeling:

A little stressed with my morning coffee and trying to get my brain in gear with the lesson planning.  It’s kicking in slowly and I’m familiar with this stage of progress when I have many, many ideas floating around and can’t keep up with them.  The rest of the day has been up and down.

Today I’m grateful for:

Momo making it to lunch today, after she messaged me yesterday that she may not be able to make it.  With Popo and Baitong we had a good catch-up over pizza and I’m happy to hear their English improvements since we last met.

The best thing about today was:

Firstly, not having to pay anything for my dental appointment and then trying the pharmacy at Central and finding 50mg tramadol for only 45 baht.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Baipad messaged me this morning telling me that she was in the hospital as she attempted to overdose (which I presume must have been last night).

I didn’t get much more information from her so I’m not sure what brought this on.  It suggests something happened out in her family village which is a bit of a worry as she mentioned bad things happening to her there before.

In the evening Anchan messaged me that she too was also in the hospital but for her it was for stomach ulcers, brought on by the stress of her family situation, no doubt.

She also told me that she and her brother also inherited the heart problem that killed her father a couple of years ago.

Something I learned today?

This morning we found that a tile from our roof got blown off in the storm last night.  Amy learned that trying to get someone to come and fix it is a complete pain in the ass.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Trying to keep on encouraging Baipad and Anchan through their difficulties.

Treating Popo, Momo and Baitong to a pizza lunch and then playing along with their TikTok videos.  It was great to catch up with them, three of my favourite students.

I took this picture because how could I refuse my favourite students asking to make TikTok videos in the shopping mall in front of passing shoppers.

Turn Off The Lights – 8th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

I’ll play a song for you, in this empty room
Spill my heart for no one else to hear
And when I reach the end of my tune
I’ll turn off the lights and disappear

The memory of my words will stay
Reverberating around these cold walls
And when you wander by one day
You will hear the whisper of my calls

“Be careful what you wish for
When hope blinds you to the signs
Forgetting that less means more
Living the curse of interesting times”

Submitted to No Theme Thursday and NaPoMo

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to get going this morning as I turned off my alarm to sleep an extra hour. 

Starting to think about getting lessons in order and writing new ones for my new classes. It’s giving me some good background anxiety but I trust myself to be able to pull everything together.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finally being able to book flights to Bangkok and back in May to see Arwith and the bands I’ve been working with.

The best thing about today was:

Eating mala sticks this evening.  A simple thing but we haven’t done that for a long while.  

It was hot enough, even at 8pm, to sweat when sitting still so eating those spicy sticks didn’t really make much difference!

Something I learned today?

Booking AirAsia flights on the website was giving me trouble but using the app on my phone worked instantly.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Staying in touch with Anchan to try and help her through this time.

Talking with Baipad about dealing with her mental health issues.

Broken Rules – 7th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

You were so quiet, it was obvious
How could you think I was oblivious?
I’ll tell you now that I was serious
But you went and broke the rules

Whether them or me, was it just a fling?
Did either of us even mean anything?
Who next for the words you sweetly sing
And the hearts held in your cup?

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge – oblivious, FOWC – fling and NaPoMo

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good even though I slept badly due to aching shoulders. I should probably get them checked out as it’s been painful for about six months already.

I got up early so that I could watch the Swans game this morning.

I need to book flights to Bangkok to meet up with Arwith in early May, order a filter for our air purifier and will take Baipad and Butter to practice riding the motorbike again.

In amongst all that I’ll do all the things I usually do too; reading, writing, thinking and planning.

Today I’m grateful for:

My alarm getting me up and into action this morning.  I could easily have slept another three hours but glad that I gave myself that extra time to do things.

The best thing about today was:

It’s been a pretty good day all round.  It was 41 degrees and the house was like an oven so I spent most of my time in aircon.  

I didn’t read or play guitar today but did clear up a backlog of emails.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got back from coffee I prepared everything to watch the AFL but it wasn’t working, which was unusual.  I saw one error about location so I downloaded a free VPN and tried some different locations.  None of those worked either but they also didn’t have the option to set the server to Australia.

I checked if the Highlights and Mini Matches still worked and they were fine.  But even last week’s full match replays were no longer available.

I searched online to see if there might be some information about this and ended up posting on Reddit.  Whilst waiting for any response I found another VPN that had an Australian server and finally, I was able to watch the game (which was an unconvincing win).

It looks like someone else had the same problem too so I guess I need to figure out a VPN to watch full games in future. The one I used, TunnelBear, has a 2G data limit and I’m not sure if that is daily, weekly or monthly.  I really don’t want to have to pay for a VPN just to watch one match a week.

Something I learned today?

Butter’s mum came and introduced herself to me and when we got back from riding I also met his dad and sister, Cookie!  Great names!

Cookie will start grade 7 at my school next month though I won’t be teaching her.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

More encouragement for Butter and Baipad with motorbike riding.

Butter has pretty much got it already and Baipad improved a little more today too.  I think that gave her a mini confidence boost.

I can see from her actions that whatever bullying she suffered when she was younger has really knocked her self-confidence.  She is still vulnerable to other people who could easily bully and manipulate her.

I also sent another 100 baht to Anchan.

When was the last time I tried something new? 

Although I can’t pinpoint it I believe that I try something new every day. The journey through our minutes is diverted off course consistently. Even the Trumans Show fell apart eventually and Groundhog Day was never actually the same.

But something deliberately new? So something interesting? Not just a new restaurant, a new book, a new poem, a new song to listen to?

How about a new country, a new house, a new job, a new hobby?

Read anything here, there is nothing new and something new on every page.

Write about a time when you laughed uncontrollably.

Back in 1989 (I think) I was thrilled to be outside of England for the first time in my life and playing shows with my friends in Belgium and Holland. I soon bonded with our Dutch host Mark and we would drink, get high and laugh a lot much like any other early twenty-year-olds would.

At this one of our shows, which was an amazingly fun night where Mike, from the New York band Shaved Pigs (who had hung on a bit longer after their tour had finished the week previous) joined us on saxophone for our epic jam tune, there was a radio interview at the end of the evening.

Thoroughly happy and drunk, Mark, who was the interviewer, asked me to recite a couple of poems that I had written that he had seen before.

I think I read The Day The Apples Turned To Poison but hassled for more I was requested to read She Lost Her Virginity To A Worm. The anticipation in the room for this short poem was too much and I couldn’t even get to the end of it as Mark and I were in fits of giggles.

A fascinating radio listen? I doubt very much!

I took this picture because His Majesty was looking regal, watching over the dining room this morning. I’m so glad that he is feeling better this week.

The Muddy River – 6th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Don’t wait until it’s too late to realise
A life isn’t lived if it’s lived in fear
Even though we fall we still hope to rise
We sure could use a drink down here

The further we go the further back we get*
The possibilities only ever feel near
Along the way exclaiming ‘Are we there yet?’
We sure could use a drink down here

Wherever this winding river will lead
Its waters are more muddy than clear
It pays to suffer, it pays to bleed
And we sure could use a drink down here

Submitted to Writer’s Workshop Prompts – thirsty and NaPoMo
*Appropriated from Mudhoney

Today I’m feeling:

Lazy and happy.  Woke up at 10 am and have not been motivated to do much of anything really.

I came across this quote yesterday that I quite liked:

“Delusions believed by billions are still delusions and the truth of one humanity embraced by even one human is still the truth.”

Abhijit Naskar

Today I’m grateful for:

Finally receiving my classes list for next semester.  I have a wider range of classes so will have to do more preparation and will start getting into that on Monday.

The best thing about today was:

Eating a bowl of LungChom ice cream.  It’s been a year that I’ve been denying myself because it is so nice and I was getting too fat from it, so I’ll enjoy it again now and try to resist falling into any further addiction.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Talking with Anchan breaks my heart.  She doesn’t know anything about what happened with her mum in court and is sad, lonely and frustrated in Chiang Mai.  I discovered that her mum is in a Myanmar prison which is just a nightmare.

I suggested many things to try and take her mind off her situation but she is in a pretty negative state of mind.  She did cry that she should be enjoying her teenage life and not having to deal with all this.

I saw that her and Fah were friendly at the end of last semester so I contacted Fah and asked her to chat with Anchan, just to be a friend.  I hope some contact will keep her a little grounded.

Something I learned today?

Bonism – the doctrine that the world is good, although not the best of all possible worlds

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I moved around some plants for Amy and fixed up the vine plant so that it should grow over the empty roof space and hopefully give some natural shade at least.

Mee took this picture sometime last year. I’m pleased that she is feeling better than last year.

The Baton – 4th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

You got all of me
The good and the bad
And for all to see
The happy and sad

Take up this race
Carry the baton on
Please take my place
I love you, son

Submitted to WDYS and NaPoMo

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again. The air is pretty putrid again today. You can taste it, not just smell it.

Today I’m grateful for:

The delivery people who still manage to get our parcels to us from all around the world, despite all the disruptions in our soi from the new road being built.  4 parcels were delivered while we were out.

The best thing about today was:

The air was slightly clearer the higher up the mountains we got but then once up there it was impossible to see any view.

Most of the restaurants and resorts were closed but we found one and enjoyed Akha food and coffee before hitting Charin Pie and LungChom for desserts.

We should get home around 5 pm and hoping the electricity is back on.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In our soi, they are moving the electricity poles today so they cut off the electricity all along. And today it’s forty degrees! No choice but to go out somewhere so we took a lazy drive up to Doi Chang.

Something I learned today?

Anchan messaged me again. She is staying in Chiang Mai by herself as her extended family is working in BKK.

Her mum, who is in jail, will go to court tomorrow and may end up in prison. She sent Anchan some money to take care of herself and some bills but her uncle, whose house she stays in in Chiang Rai, demanded it all off her.

She’s only 14 and has to deal with all this. She is keen to work to support herself and is highly motivated but I’m also worried about her being vulnerable and could easily be taken advantage of.

She’s smart but the offer of good money for selling her body could sway her and I don’t want that to happen.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent Anchan 200 baht to keep her going. 

She didn’t want me to send her money and I can’t afford it much either but there is little else I can do. Even emotional support can’t buy her some vegetables.

I messaged some other of my vulnerable kids today to try and keep some dialogues open.

I took this picture because these red buds stood out at this little water feature as we entered Suan Charin Pie this afternoon.

All The Arms We Need – 27th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

The truth took the wind from me
I’m still not ready to stand
This isn’t the way it was meant to be
It’s not quite how I planned

I cannot face this world today
Please comfort me, I am in need
Give me the power to walk away
To heal me as I bleed

Together in the world we’ve built
And the challenges we are thrown
After all the tears we’ve spilled
We will never walk alone

A second submission to WDYS (picture above) and inspired by events from last night

Today I’m feeling:

Super tired due to waking up a couple of times during the night as Amy was checking on Cap who was very restless and crying often.  

It’s still difficult to see if there is anything specifically wrong but Amy will take him back to the vet to double-check this morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding Amy starting to watch the Netflix version of the Three Body Problem, so I said Hey, let’s watch it together.

I will try to put out of my mind how good the books were and try to judge this on its own merits.

The best thing about today was:

Cap seeming to improve a little after stopping one of the medicines the vet had given him a couple of days ago.  He’s still not eating or drinking much but he seems to be getting better rest and looks to be in less discomfort.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I rolled with the things that were working against me and sure enough, by sitting still and doing nothing, the world revolved full circle and back into my favour.

Something I learned today?

I met Kru Ren this morning and discovered that he has been tasked with creating the full curriculum for the integrated English classes next year.  He’s flummoxed!  He knows what a stupidly huge task he has been given and I commiserated with him because it’s pretty crazy to be given just a few weeks (that should be a holiday) to prepare.

It seems that he is also tasked to teach it and he has made the same complaint as myself – we don’t have the knowledge level to teach the sciences and other subjects.

Even things that we do have knowledge of would take much preparation to teach at the grade 7 level.

When I was doing the same in primary it would often take me six hours prep to teach a two hour class!

Good luck Kru Ren!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I talked with Kru Lucky about information on scholarships and exchange programs to pass on to Anchan, which I duly did.

To be honest, I’m not very optimistic that she can achieve a full scholarship and I hope that she doesn’t get disheartened.

She did seem to have a couple of backup plans though so it seems she has already thought about this.  

She’s a good kid and deserves better than what her situation is offering her.

I took this picture because as I was waiting for Amy this little chap flew up for a quick inspection and I just managed to get my phone out in time for this shot before darting off to his nest.