Tag: Death's End

Misery Comedy – 18th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Not like Beckett, not absurd
It’s just as English as the word
The saddest laugh I ever heard

Rolling laughs don’t come from rolling hills
No pearly whites penetrate the mills
More bitter than the bitterest pills

And only laughing when it hurts
The summer wine no longer works
Born amongst the miserable jerks

There was a time when some British comedy TV became too dour even for me. Last of the Summer Wine and Only When I Laugh are referenced and remain memorable for their misery! I was self-aware enough to realise that watching these shows made me unhappy. I just wanted to laugh at something funny, not at something sideways.

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and useless. The grey of the sky is getting me down. It’s not like the grey of a cloudy sky. That sky moves and promises. This sky is dead. I woke up tired and have napped twice since. Everything feels pointless. No inspiration. No movement.

Today I’m grateful for:

My memories of Murray and myself philosophizing with our teenage imaginations at the bottom of the school field. We looked up at the sky and stars and had no idea how inconsequential we are.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing reading Death’s End. What an awesome book with big crazy ideas. Onto some lighter reading next with Michael Parkinson’s biography.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My positivity has fallen down today mainly due to tiredness I believe. My PMT or low point of my circadian rhythm.  Perhaps I napped my way out of it.

Something I learned today?

I read today that China has offered to mediate between Palestine and Israel in a search for peace in the Middle East. It’s difficult to imagine that it might work but if both sides can see the benefits of increased prosperity perhaps there’s a chance?

What place holds special meaning to me?

There are too many to mention. Today I feel like I am not living my life. My memory feels like a story I watched on TV rather than events that actually happened to me. The places in my memory are still there yet the actual places are not. They exist but are not the same. Sometimes it’s better for a memory to be repaved over with concrete.


I took this picture because as I was riding home from Utopia the mountains were more visible than in recent days and it can be seen how dry the jungle has become out there. The cows and bulls offered a perfect foreground.

Pit Ponies – 16th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Bandaged eyes for a holiday treat
A walking cough on coal-black feet
Animals and humans linger in shit
The bray and the neigh, murmurs the pit

Air to breathe, relaxed underground
There echoes the ever-tapping sound
Fathers tell sons to break the chain
Close the gates on working man’s shame

Time has turned the tide around
A union broken and unknown freedom found
Damocles laughs and makes some bank
The pit ponies nostalgic for the sulphur stank

Today I’m feeling:

Not too bad today but not particularly inspired either. Enjoyed starting to read the Brix Smith book whilst at Utopia. I didn’t want to stop so ended up drinking 3 coffees instead of my usual two. Amy’s brother called to come here so I’m waiting for him now but I can’t drink more coffee!

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy getting home safely last night and then for her flatmate who consoled her today when she cried over our lovely Kim Chi. I still miss her terribly but I’m getting more used to her not being around. Amy told me she was excited to come back in July to see all our cats but now her trip is tinged with sadness too.

The best thing about today was:

I really enjoyed reading today with the Brix Smith book at Utopia and approaching the end of Death’s End at home. I will miss this sci-fi series but have many other cool books to get into next.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There are times I feel fatalistic about the future but I also know that making uncomfortable changes usually brings about a renewed sense of accomplishment. I have been happy with the way things had been going until the shock of Kim’s death rattled me.  At this point, I don’t know what’s coming. Amy is pretty unhappy to be leaving Australia and has such a negative attitude to being in Thailand again that I’m not sure how long it will last. I know she wants us all to be together but prefers it not to be here. Going back to Australia together in the future feels really up in the air to me. I have no idea what I can do there for work. Amy is keen on the idea of opening a restaurant which I’m not quite in the right frame of mind to attempt. A lot of time, money and stress will be ahead of that. Can I submit to that to make Amy happy?

Something I learned today?

I watched a magic video that showed how to make small objects float using a very fine thread. It’s a neat trick that maybe I’ll practice one day and show my students.

What are the details of my daily routine?

Right now, in the holidays: get up around 8.30, feed the cats, shower, ride to Utopia, drink coffees and read, go home and read (different book), watch YouTube videos, eat (depending on how hungry I am), video call Amy when feeding the cats, water the garden, sometimes play guitar, watch more YouTube, read more, watch Netflix, shower, get in bed, read books and comics on iPad, sleep. I’m not spending much time listening to music since Kim died; I’m not quite in the mood for it yet.


I took this picture because the ceramic figure reminds me of Amy and this is one of her cactuses that I haven’t managed to kill yet. I had to force myself out to find something to take a picture of today.

Fighting Life – 29th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a game of chance
And you’ve got a bad hand
Heading for elimination
Whether to fold or stand?

Fighting for the right
To play one more round
To run across the roof
Or to be under the ground

Today I’m feeling:

Tired, headaches, sore eyes and demotivated. The grey colour of the sky reminds me of the dullness of England. There is beauty everywhere but unseen without a light to shine on it.

Today I’m grateful for:

My rolling massage balls that can pummel my hips while I’m watching TV on the floor. My left hip is particularly sore and needs more movement but with the situation outside I’m staying in as much as possible and avoiding doing anything that requires deep gulps of air.

The best thing about today was:

Haven’t done much of anything today so it must be reading more of Death’s End, the third in the Three Body Problem trilogy. It’s interesting because an alien race is coming and Earth comes together as best it can but is unable to ‘beat’ them. It has parallels with our own historical geopolitics.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Right now, I just sat down to watch Netflix and it’s not working. Guess I’ll keep reading then!

Something I learned today?

Lots of geopolitical stuff but I’m getting tired of the whirlwind of information and useless information. I should just check in once a week or once a month instead.

Nothing that has been going on directly impacts me beyond the cost of living rising which is not really something I can control either way.

I’ve saved some money these last two days by not going to work because I’m sick and not eating because of my medicine. If I lose some kilos I hope I can keep them off.

What do I know is true?

I will die one day.

Someone from Utopia took this picture because they were showing how we need super-efficient masks to fight the pollution. I edited the picture and pinched an Australian slogan as a sarcastic commentary.

No Aliens – 25th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*The era of degenerate freedom is over
We must retrieve the dignity of our race*
There’s something bigger than all of us
That will teach us exactly our place

Our distrust for each other destroys us
And easily manipulated by bad actors
Always a third party invites themselves
Divided we fell when they attacked us

There’s no alien or god to be blamed
Only for ourselves to be ashamed

*Text from, and poem inspired by, Death’s End by Liu Cixin

Today I’m feeling:

Contented, sleepy and positive.

Today I’m grateful for:

My tattooist who gave me a 500 baht discount today. I guess I should probably know her name. I’ll ask next time. Cos there will be a next time!

The best thing about today was:

Getting a new tattoo. Whilst I was in the chair I was closing my eyes and savouring the tickle of the needle and later with the colouring, the pain. I was thinking that as with most things, the anticipation and the journey to the goal are often better than the finish or the result.

Now I have this tattoo I will enjoy it of course but I’m already thinking about what might come next. I haven’t done much else today really!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I arrived at Kanom Tattoo Studio about 20 minutes early for my ten o’clock appointment as the girls prepared the room equipment and artwork. It felt like not long after and I was in the chair getting the outline work done.

I’d lost track of time as I closed my eyes and sent myself off on different tangents of thought until my butt got uncomfortable and I would adjust my position whilst trying to keep my right arm still and so on until it was time for a break before colouring.

I was shocked to see it was already 1.30. I didn’t really have any other plans for today anyway so I just accepted the situation and when I got home I ate and watched videos and TV until I’m here now in bed past midnight.

Tomorrow I have to take Tigger to the vet for one more vaccine but it doesn’t really matter what time so I’m sure to sleep in a bit.

Something I learned today?

When I woke up this morning I could already smell the air pollution from the smoke, even indoors. Outside looked abysmal too but I didn’t think too much about it as it’s kind of expected at this time of year and nothing ever gets done to try and remedy the situation.

In the afternoon Amy messaged me that the AQI was over 600! I thought that couldn’t be right. It was around 250 yesterday and today didn’t seem that much worse but I checked the app and sure enough, she was right. This was another reason for not doing much else today – just sitting in the living room with aircon and purifier trying not to develop lung cancer. I have headaches and bloody snot and do not feel 100%.

I took this picture because this is the lovely dog at the tattoo shop. He’s very soft and gentle.

No Freedom – 15th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

There’s no freedom without morality
Or institutions to provide education
For freedom to provide peaceful reality
Needs reassessment of this situation

We (a royal we, a royal we of the West) are obsessed with freedom but we’ve misunderstood its reality. Freedom does not mean freedom to just do as you please. It must have some moral guidelines and that part is being eroded and going missing in our modern Western societies. I don’t know so much about other societies in depth but I feel that they have a different relationship with ‘authority’. It’s a choice to make and to pick your battles.

18th Aug 2025 – Shared with Reena’s Xploration #394

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed, happy

Today I’m grateful for:

The shampoo that helps clean up Tigger’s skin. It leaves his coat feeling good and hopefully, this is the last time I have to wash him for a while as the blisters have almost all gone now. Luckily he doesn’t mind me washing him too much now.

The best thing about today was:

Starting to read Death’s End. First at Daytripper and then in the cooler late afternoon in the hammock. Already thought-provoking in the first 40 pages. Awesome.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I couldn’t resist an afternoon nap after reading and I spent an hour fluctuating between lucidity and what felt like deep sleep. As I was falling asleep waves of euphoria hit me dragging me down to dreamland. It was delicious, I love that feeling and tried to make it last longer but the pull was too strong. I handled the ‘waste of time’ with sixty jumping jacks when I woke up and after shaking out my head a little.

Something I learned today?

After China brokered a deal between Iran and Saudia Arabia last week there’s talk now about the possibility of negotiating peace between Russia and Ukraine. That would be the biggest diplomatic coup so far this century.

Pushing the world toward peace is the exact opposite of what the US has promoted for the last 70 years. I really hope China can pull it off.

How can I express my creativity today?

How? In any number of ways. Anything is possible. However, I didn’t really. The two photos I took were about it. I did get some students to test my online lesson though, but I created that yesterday and will update accordingly tomorrow. I guess I got some ideas. Not every day is creative, much as we might like it to be.

I took this picture because it’s time to start a new book and get back into a good story. The third part of the trilogy and it’s off with a bang and a twist. I got to Daytripper early so not many people around. I also started to feel sleepy as my body and brain winds down from the intensity of the classroom.

Shall We Put Out The Fire? – 26th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Is there good reason to fetch water
To quell the house that’s burning?
A reason to continue living oughtta
Be something that’s worth learning

inspired by Existential Comics 487

Today I’m feeling:

A little dizzy but more enthusiastic than yesterday. I’ve stuck with the half tablet of sertraline again today and hope I can maintain it by taking tramadol in the mornings to keep me boosted up a bit.

Today I’m grateful for:

The strawberry sellers from the mountains are back outside 7/11 with a lot of juicy fresh fruit at ridiculously cheap prices. Tomorrow I’ll pick up some coconut ice cream from LungChom and get fat again like I did last year! Ok, well I’ll try not to do that but I am looking forward to that mix of ice cream yoghurt strawberries and a dash of chocolate toasted muesli.

The best thing about today was:

Finally finishing the Anton Chekov 100 short stories collection. It took about three months as I was generally satisfied with just reading one story a day and some stories were only two pages long. The stories themselves were all enjoyable to excellent though.

Liu Cixin’s Death’s End next, to finish off this awesome sci-fi trilogy.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My main computer is having problems again so I’m struggling to get some things done with it at the moment, such as using the app that I practice guitar with. I need to back up some files and reinstall the operating system again to see if that fixes whatever the problem is again. It worked last time, about 18 months ago and I hope it will work again. I could do with this machine running for a few more years.

Something I learned today?

27th Feb 2023 – I went off looking at things to consider something useful that I learned today and got so distracted that I forgot to update here.

How did I show kindness to someone today?

Apart from the three boys at Utopia (Art, Boss and Gong), I didn’t meet anyone today. I didn’t show kindness specifically, and nor was I unkind. After arriving home at 9.30am I haven’t talked directly with anyone. Except for conversations with four of my M2 students in LINE where I’ve been asking their ideas about future jobs and I have been encouraging them no matter how wild their dreams. I’ve also put suggestions forward for backup plans too.

I took this picture on my January bike ride because finding this lake was a little unexpected at the time. I came across a few like this and they looked like old rock mines and the blast holes had since filled with water. No new pictures today. It’s been dull and grey all day.