I could have been like Lou Barlow but I’m more like Ken Barlow – 20th June 1994

Okay, children of the revelation – no entries for five lots of 24. Here’s why.

Night of the 15th, me and Broni watched the film The Subterraneans – based on the Kerouac novel. In which George Peppard (very fucking young and non cigar chewing) plays the writer and spiels his ‘time’ spiel i.e. “there’s not enough time to watch every football match, kiss every girl, talk to everyone, but I must keep trying” and the mad girl tells him “You writers – you spend so much time writing about things you’ve done at the expense of things you could be doing and trying to write it down oh so right!” This crushed me! Till now anyway.

John-boy lost his voice on Wednesday, to which gave us all great delight in ribbing him as he is normally 1 million words a minute.

And so, The World Cup did start on Friday, much to Broni’s bemusement but we watched first match at Kerry’s (Germany one, Bolivia nil – the Germans are the most boring team to watch and Bolivia did give them a run for awhile). I stayed up to watch Spain versus South Korea and at 2.20am, with 6 minutes to go, decided to call it a night, with Spain two goals up, only to find out next day South Korea scored two cracking goals in six minutes to level it! Spain are also very dull and South Korea played beautiful passing football.

With a barbecue and TV planted outdoors we watched Ireland triumphantly beat Italy one nil and last night (Sunday), Norway vs Mexico in the same group (also one nil). Stayed up for the first half of Cameroon vs Sweden, which was a cracker of a match (One one, half time) Don’t know who won yet!

Broni doesn’t quite share my enthusiasm so I’ve been letting her get some sleep in the full of our single bed and last night I came to bed excited about wedding speeches. And, of course, I must tell you that we’ve ordered some designer wedding rings from a jeweller in Salisbury – the only thing I think I’ll get on my finger – slightly unusual, well, very unusual for wedding bands, mixed coloured golds and non-symmetric. Much nicer then the tack of yer standard high street affairs.

So I dreamt about Lou Barlow instead of Henry Rollins, and sure, I introduced him to my mum! Woke up to the lovely cooing face of my sweetheart. Life is good, life is scary, life is fun, life is love.

(Later) Here I sit, in the summer swelter, thirsty and starved, contemplating my situation. And oh, life is just a series of appointments but I have the energy and enthusiasm to meet every deadline I may have made from myself. Fucking hell, lots of people can’t even get out of their chairs to turn the TV off (I’m no smarter or dumber than them) – it’s just about doing it. And now I know I can deal with this big stress a-coming, just a series of appointments I’ve made, big ones, little ones, it is true, size is not important. These paths I travel are destiny – they are waiting for me to seek them out. I accept the challenge.

Tony Suspect – STE Bulletin – 5th January 1994

SUSPECT THOUGHTS WITH TONY

How do you react to the loss of a friend? On the evening of December 28th, I got a phone call, it was Rob. Of course, as I recognised his voice, I gave him a cheery “Hello” + expected to be told when our next practice was. As if reading my thoughts, his next words were “We won’t be practising for a few weeks”, there was a pause before the hammer blow “Steve’s dead”. I was stunned, I just couldn’t believe it. Rob was understandably, in a bit of a state + after giving me all the details he had, he rang off. I just sat there in a daze, there were no tears, no overwhelming sense of grief, nothing, except that I couldn’t get Steve out of my thoughts. For the next few days, I would suddenly find that I had been sitting just staring into space thinking of Chrissy, Amanda + Rebecca, the band + then back to Steve again. It was like I was numb. I still couldn’t accept that I wouldn’t be seeing him again.

I had known Steve for years but not all that well. I’d see him at gigs, we might say “Hi” to each other but that was it. Then we started THIRST together (with Shaun + Shane) + as the band progressed + we got to know each other better, I’m pleased to say we became quite good friends. He would often say that, above all else, the band were all good friends + that’s what kept us together when we’d have bad practices + couldn’t find a compromise. We stuck at it + things got: better + because we all got on so well, being in THIRST became cool.

Our first: demo may not be perfect but the time we spent recording + mixing it was fun, we were having a good time + achieving something with our band, it’s a happy memory I will keep forever. Like me, he was a football nut + we were talking about playing for the same team, something 1 was really looking forward to.

Steve was really into THIRST, so Jon, Rob + I have decided to keep the band going, keeping the name + recruiting someone who knew Steve + who Steve liked. Rob will move over to guitar + we have Phil of CHICKEN-BONE CHOKED, coming in to play bass. I’m not sure how permanent this will be as obviously Phil has his priorities with CBC but we hope to record a single as a tribute to Steve, featuring a couple of tracks he played on, plus some new stuff.

So, how did I react? Just shock I suppose, I still find it hard to come to terms with, it’s just so sad to lose someone you liked + respected. Writing this, along with reading the obituaries, was the hardest thing I’ve had to do since he died, it’s kind of brought it all home to me but (as l write) the funeral is still to come + that will be worse.

Now our thoughts must be with Chrissy + the kids + in that we will always remember Steve. He was one of the nicest. people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I may not have known him well for as long as a lot of others but I value the time we spent as friends. Steve, I will never forget you.

*(?), (Zen), Manitou, The Cat – Academy, Bournemouth, UK – 25th February 1985

The Week That Was

Record of the week: Atrox – Screaming At Deaf Ears demo, Manitou – Something Happened (live)

25th February 1985
Work was pretty boring. Mike’s back but I’m not talking to him and he’s getting the message. Pulled a muscle in my back. Got home, watched Grange Hill. Rode down to Bournemouth. Managed to find The Academy. Saw a Brighton group called The Cat – ok. Manitou – good (had a laser show). Sold two singles. Fucking foggy.
7

26th February 1985
Only slept 5 and a half hours last night. Cos I started talking to Mike he’s fucking following me again. He nearly started crying cos he fucked up an order. Had a good game of football. Not going to Salisbury tonight. Some timber course or something. Came home. Don’t remember what I did tonight. Went to sleep at 9.30.
5

27th February 1985
Woke up at 6.30. Decided not to go to college. Went back to sleep. Didn’t get up til 3.30. (Slept 18 hours!) Felt pretty dizzy and tired. Drum kits falling apart. Went down Youth Club. Felt like I was pissed. Had a go at Bennett cos he pissed around on my bike on Sunday. He said he didn’t but he finally admitted it, so I had another go and went and told his mum. Came home.
3

28th February 1985
Went to work today. Can’t remember a lot of what happened today. I can remember what happened tonight though. Me, Muz and Crabb had a laugh around Gaunts. Took the piss out of Jasper. Went back to Muz’s. Recorded some shit. It was as well.
5

1st March 1985
Went to work. Left at ten to go to Winton for Sales Training. Mr Andrews was there, I said I wasn’t going to be there in the afternoon. So Mr Andrews chucked me off the scheme cos I walked out. Told MJ. Went to Job Centre. Came home. Went to sleep. Made appointment for interview tomorrow. Spent an hour looking for everyone. They raided Dumpton. Jasper, the twat, nicked a fire extinguisher.
6

2nd March 1985
Got up late. Went down Gaunts. Everyone was pissed off with each other. Went home. Went to Wimborne. Had interview at 4. Sounds like good work – hope I get it. Came back after an hour. Scott was gonna get some videos but didn’t, so had a game of Spotlight. Took the piss out of Crabby. Came home. Film last night – Mean Streets.
7

3rd March 1985
Got up at 10. Rode down to Wareham. Got train to Dorchester. My singing was pretty bad so Paul said. Didn’t do a lot otherwise. Came back. Borrowed Young Ones book and Toy Dolls LP and demo. Came back. I think I stayed in this evening. Young Ones book is good too.
6

*The Week That Was – 7th May 1984

Records of the week: Sex Gang Children – Beasts, In Excelsis – Carnival of Damocles

7th May 1984
Got up. Didn’t do much. Went down club. Zoe rang before. Gave Shaun Chick a game of snooker – he only just beat me. Came back. Watched TV. Hill Street Blues. Steve Davis won the snooker.

8th May 1984
Managed to get up in time. Stef was in a mood first. 2. Went up library. 3. Did Maths – shit. Pissed around in art room with Burd. Lunch – sat on bench having fags etc. English language – didn’t do too badly I don’t think. Came back on bus which was all right. Went down. Jamie ain’t allowed out. Came back. Watched Young Ones which was pretty crap.

9th May 1984
Jim came into school for no reason. Did Social Studies in morning – pretty bad. Lunch – lay in the grass with Sarah and Vicki. Social again – which was easy. Wrote 7 poems. 7. Went up library. 8. Maths – shit. Went down Witchampton. I beat Roo at snooker. Went to Burd’s – played football. Roo’s old man brought me back.

10th May 1984
Half day today. English Comprehensions – was quite easy. Tried to get out of hall for a fag. Doubled up on bus. Rupert was supposed to come over but fuckin’ didn’t. Played drums, went down the track. Re-dug the camp and started doing some more til it pissed it down. Went to Houldey’s. Dried off. Came back. Had a bad talk with Zoe. Drew on wall. Did taping.

11th May 1984
Another half day today. Had a fuckin’ boring Physics exam today which I totally fucked up. Came back home – took dog for walk. Went down to the track and did some digging. Went to Houldey’s. Had a chat with Mr Houldey. Met Mr Shearlock – had a chat with him. Went down to club. Met Jez and Roo. We decided to really get PCH together. So Carly knew Paul Chick had a guitar so Roo bought it. I ran around with things. Saw Peter Chick – more an accident. Came home.

12th May 1984
Got on bus for Poole. Met Jez. Roo didn’t get on cos he couldn’t afford it. Jez left his bass guitar with me. Still no Black Flag so bought Sex Gang Children and In Excelsis 12″s. Put bass in Bandstand. Met Fish. We went to the Quay. Got bus back. Jez got on. Saw Simon. Told him to ring. Got back home. Went down track. Watched Automan (?). Went to track again. Simon rang. Jez rang. Went to where Jez was. Baby’s (indecipherable) then came round so he couldn’t go to the disco. Roo pissed off. Then I did. Watched film. Went to sleep.

13th May 1984
Woke up at 12. Burd rang, said he was coming over. He came with Roo. Played Subhumans to them. Started cleaning out garage. Took everything out. Put some back. Took some to dump. Put some on fire. Roo was getting on our tits. He pissed off. We had a game of football in garage. Started a fire in there. Jez went home. Went to Jim’s. Came back

*The Week That Was – 2nd March 1981

Single of the week: Restricted Code – First Night On

2nd March 1981
Shall I give my 5-page drug article to the school mag?

3rd March 1981
YES! It’s quite good

4th March 1981
St. Etienne 1 – Ipswich 4

5th March 1981
West Ham lost 4-1 at home
Liverpool won 5-1 at home
Newport drew 2-2 away

6th March 1981
Doin’ me back with all this typing

7th March 1981
Cup
Forest 3 – Ipswich 3

8th March 1981
WE’RE THROUGH

This week’s chart-topper is: same as last week UGH
Highest new entry: Kim Wilde – Kids in America

*The Week That Was – 23rd February 1981

Single of the week: Crass – Nagasaki Nightmare/Big A Little A or/and Tribal Rival

23rd February 1981
Writing fanzine all-day

24th February 1981
Writing fanzine all-day
Record of the month: Kids on the Streets/Kids in America/Nagasaki Nightmare

25th February 1981
Gave typewriter back today

26th February 1981
County trails for football
NOT GOING

27th February 1981
Not a good day really
Met an old friend Lorraine

28th February 1981
Coventry 0 – Ipswich 4

1st March 1981
Same as last week

This week’s chart-topper is: Joe Dolce – Shut Your Face*
Highest new entry: Status Quo – Something About You

*The Week That Was – 9th February 1981

Single of the week: Angelic Upstarts – Kids On The Streets

9th February 1981
Still beating in Mac

10th February 1981
Gorsemoor 3 – St Michaels 3
Ref was a cheat

11th February 1981
We won rugby (illegible)
14-0

12th February 1981
Emm
St Michaels 0 – Allenborne 8 or 9

13th February 1981
CRASS in NME

14th February 1981
St Michaels 2 (0) – Wargrave (from Suffolk) 3 (3)
Ipswich 2 (0) – Charlton 0 (0)

15th February 1981
Went to Lorna’s cos her birthday

This week’s chart-topper: John Lennon – Woman

The Week That Was – 12th August 1979

Record of the week: The Dickies – Walk Like An Egg
Highest entry: Angelic Upstarts – Teenage Warning

25th May 2022 – My ‘record’ of the week seems to be just different songs from the Dickies album. Well, it is that good, I suppose. Angelic Upstarts – fantastic youth anthem, Teenage Warning – classic. I wonder if I could play it on guitar? Definitely not the guitar solo though!

12th August 1979
Might be watching the match on Saturday vs Forest

25th May 2022 – I think this would be the first of two times I saw Ipswich play. The other was in Bristol, vs Bristol City, though I’ve no idea what mum and I were doing in Bristol. Maybe just visiting Bath?

13th August 1979
I’m writing this on Thursday and I can’t remember what happened today
2p 93p* 86p* 179p*

14th August 1979
Went to Sharon and Ken’s
2p

25th May 2022 – Before moving to Dorset to live with my grandparents, we lived in Devon. I also don’t really know why we moved to Devon from Cumbria, though I would guess it would have something to do with my mum’s then-boyfriend committing himself to more than one girlfriend at a time. I never really saw my mum with another guy after that. Anyway, in Devon, my cousins, Sharon and Ken lived about 3 miles away from where we did. After leaving Devon at the end of 1976, Sharon and Ken moved too, also to Dorset, about 10 miles away from us. I used to enjoy Ken’s sense of humour and playfulness. Also by this time, they must have had a least one of their two children, Mungo followed by Kim. I was deemed to be close enough in age to play with them and get out of my mum’s hair for a while.

15th August 1979
Came back from Sharon and Ken’s
2p

16th August 1979
1. Boomtown Rats
2. Cliff Richard
3. Ian Dury
4. EWF
5. Abba
6. Hersham Boys
7. Police
8. Dooleys
9. Darts
10. ELO
2p 173p*

17th August 1979
Go on holiday to East Anglia
Not Dead
2p 171p*

25th May 2022 – Hehe – I’m not sure why I wrote ‘not dead’. I suppose it was a long drive. I was excited to be in the county of my team and to be going to see them play the following day. Here, we stayed with my Auntie Eileen and Uncle Dick, after them having stayed with us last week or so.

18th August 1979
Up until now because I’ll be giving Ipswich’s scores
Ipswich 0-1 Forest – Boo
Watched the match live.
2p 169p*

25th May 2022 – In East Anglia I remember being allowed to drink Cinzano, which was Eileen and Dick’s favourite tipple.

I also managed to convince my mum to buy the Sham 69 Hersham Boys 12″ which no one else was very impressed with but didn’t stop me from playing it. Especially showing these ‘old people’ how angry and mature I was by enjoying the beeped-out swearing on the live tunes.

We also went for a walk across a heath with lots of brackens and their old dog trailing behind. But the football match that I was so excited about I don’t remember a thing, except perhaps, being disappointed at losing.

The other time I saw them, they lost too and that trend continued many a time I went to watch the Swans play in Sydney too. There was a very big difference in the atmosphere at matches between English football and Aussie Rules.

In England there was always a tension, a palpable possibility of violence, not even my mum could protect me from. In Australia, everyone is there to have a good time and enjoy watching the sport. Overzealous fans tend to be frowned upon. There is also no separation for supporters because it just isn’t necessary. Fans would poke gentle fun at each other, that was as violent as I ever saw at a game. Even opposition fans could make me laugh when one time, Collingwood scored their first point and shouted ‘You’re losing, Sydney!’