Tag: George

No other prisoner shall enter and get through – 16th February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Finish ab workout and yoga stretching – feels good, a little tired – less than seven hours sleep – dump thoughts and meditate.
What thoughts now? With pain in hand thoughts are difficult – when trying to meditate thoughts come easy.
Sat by the river with George yesterday – not much time tho but was pleasant, talked about how different countries have different cultures. When it comes to community, family and sharing things. I mostly recall the sunlight on the river.
Anyway highlighted some of our differences in behaviour which we all have to accept and understand – sometimes forgive.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to our neighbour’s dog Tangmo who came to visit yesterday morning before I went to work. He was running around full of energy and ran away from Tigger. I tried to get him to follow me out so I could close the gate but he kept running back inside. It made me smile for the whole day.

Yes, today was pretty good too. Spent a good morning at House – drinking coffee, sketching and reading. I feel like I’m on top of many things at the moment.

The best thing about today was helping students with some difficult L and R tongue twisters – it was fun and they didn’t give up.

Started reading Sartre’s Age of Reason and also completed another sketch.

They’re living in a magazine dream – 26th January 2021

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Aussie day – forgot about already. Remember Cronulla, think logically – leads to Trump. Can people everywhere understand? Do they really think it’s good?

Good sleep – forgotten dreams. It’s okay, body stronger, brain stronger. Love life. Love reading, love music, love clean air – where is it? Where is the rain?

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the jukebox in my head, the settings and times in there are the soundtrack of my life.

A bit more subdued today though I did many things. I got a bit annoyed at the students again and sent some video of students playing on their phones in class to Kru Tongjai – when she replied ‘What happened?’ I thought I would try to understand why the situation is the way it is rather than try to fix it. So I told her not to worry about it and that the problem is my way of thinking. I need to accept that I can’t really help the students much more when they have many different factors to contend with going against them. Teaching methods, lazy teachers, parents etc etc.

So, do I just resign myself to having fun in class and not worry about the students? It’s annoying for me because many students are smart enough to understand that their education is woeful. Oh well.

The best thing about today was finishing Notes From Underground. So good. I’m not sure what it all means to me but I could identify lots within the text – whether it was related to me of to other people.

I still have many thoughts and feelings about George that I hope I can express here sometime. They are not clear but starting to have some definition. I have just been acting as normal with everyone but George seems a little off and I’m not sure if it is relative to me or something else going on. He doesn’t start any conversation with me at all now and I always have to push for any kind of talk.

When I have no self-doubt I feel fine but other times when my self-belief is low I wonder what is going on. I just need to be.

We got that attitude! – 28th December 2020

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I am so happy and grateful for my cousin Mungo. He reminds me of me when I was younger. Searching for truth and meaning in different places. I’m still searching but have a better idea of where to look more that I’m older.

To-do list

  • Clear stage 4 guitar ½
  • Study more Ableton
  • Find things that you can do for others ½
  • Find a suitable git for Amy
  • More drawing

I’ve been feeling pretty good all round since I started getting up early again and doing minimal exercise, yoga and meditation. It seems to give me the energy I need for the day.

Going for coffee now is my time to study Thai. I don’t stay much longer than necessary as I used to. It was nice to hang out with George and Dylan at De Lanna in the mornings but it was getting a little repetitive. We would also often stay quite a long time and the coffee is no good now Manow has left and it wasn’t great to start with.

It was a little difficult to break away from doing this each morning and I think George took it a little personally. I also was overthinking everything but all is fine now. I also wanted to spend more time focusing on language learning and it would be kinda rude to do that whilst in company.

I didn’t tell them that I was studying much more as I didn’t want any external pressure about it. I put enough pressure on myself. I’m making slow but steady progress. I challenge myself to do three apps worth of study every day. Some of it is sticking.

I recorded the last Chiang Rai Alternative Hour this week. It’s been fun to focus on that for this past 12 months or so during lockdowns and no travel. I’d like to spend some more time just listening to and enjoying music again. Something which I’m doing as I write this.

I have a few other things I’d like to do more of as well, such as drawing, improving at guitar, learning more about Ableton and reading more. I have to remember that I have lots of time.

We got that attitude! – 21st December 2020

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I am so happy and grateful for the wind. Hopefully, it can blow away the smoky air. It’s cold. It’s refreshing. It’s unusual.

It’s been a while since writing and it is something I’ve been trying to prompt myself to get back into. I’ve been a bit lost recently – having some negative thoughts that took me into myself.

A lot of this centred around George and while I know he is a nice friendly person and can be a good friend, something’s happened in my head that questions all that. Some of this was based on things that he said and things that I’d heard.

I knew that I shouldn’t judge on some of these things but it became a downward spiral due to such close proximity all the time. I withdrew into myself where I was actually quite happy.

I’m really enjoying working at the moment and the challenge the students give me every day. I feel more comfortable around them and less around George’s alpha-male-ness. Like I said – he’s not a bad alpha male, not a bad person or anything. I just have an aversion to alpha male behaviour. It’s not his problem at all, but mine. Anyway, I apologised to him for being a bit off (which also affected the way he was treating me) and things are more even again now.

13th Dec 2024 – Not long after this, George’s true colours became more apparent and the things that had bothered me had turned out to be good intuition. I do still think though that in some ways, I made it my problem and I should have just let him get on with it.

I’m keeping myself a bit more occupied with learning Thai and staying out a little less for coffee in the morning. I actually prefer to help the other teachers if I can.

Apart from that, I feel OK, though a little flat as we approach the end of this strange year. A lot has changed for the better for me, whilst I can see it has worsened for a lot of others. I need to completely tune out from the news and find some focus on other things I’d like to try.

I want to read more, and try drawing. Learn more guitar, Thai and how to play a keyboard. All these things seem possible.

One week goals

  • Draw something from my room ✅
  • Finish TCRAH ✅
  • Clear guitar stage 4 on Yousician ½
  • Complete more music learning ½

Well, it’s a futuristic modern world – 2nd September 2020

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Wake a little early again but enjoyed snoozing. Seven-minute classic exercise coming up – not looking forward to doing but looking forward to the feeling afterwards. First, a good stretch.

Scribble dribble – what’s in my head. Students, class, study, water, cats, coffee – damn, coffee I can taste it already – preparing my taste buds for that first hit. Am I addicted? No coffee after midday today, okay?

Cracking bones in my body – is it too late to repair my body? Let’s see, let’s try. Smelled alcohol last night and made me nauseous – weird to have such a reaction. Haven’t drunk for about a month, I think.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to take a photo by the river with our barista this morning. Manow is very poor at English but somehow we can communicate our needs.

1st Nov 2022 – I saw this picture recently but can’t find it now. Maybe got deleted whilst trying to figure out how the hell iCloud works across multiple devices and then deleting things off my phone. If you are reading this in 100 years I hope you laugh at how old and dumb this technology was.

To-do list

  • Savour something ½
  • Compliments and awards ½
  • No coffee after midday
  • 7-minute morning workout and squats ✅

As I was sat drinking coffee this morning, sat next to the river, nice temperature, I tried to put myself into a savouring state but somehow I just couldn’t manage it. I think it was because I was thinking too much about what to do with my class when I got back. I even checked my heartrate which was unusually high for me and the fitness app told me that I was stressed! I didn’t really feel stressed – just had that class on my mind.

I tried not to drink coffee after midday but broke down at 1.30 and caved in! It’s ok. I’ll try again tomorrow. Maybe get three coffees in before midday – that worked yesterday.

In general, I enjoyed school today and I’m still really happy. I do think about complimenting people but except for people’s appearance, I’m finding it a little difficult to find some things to compliment on. I do compliment the students a lot though. I don’t really count that though as that feels to me like it’s just a part of the job.

I did spend an hour or so talking with George about Lebanon and religion. I enjoyed that and thinking back to it now, there were moments when I was savouring that conversation.

I still need to practice more listening than speaking and also pushing the conversations to new and interesting places. I don’t really need to share my opinion – is it really important that other people know what I think? It’s still possible to drive a deep and meaningful conversation without committing to absolute belief.

We got that attitude! – 5th August 2020

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I am so happy and grateful that I have more energy these days. It helps me make better decisions.

To-do list

  • Awards – why is this hard? ½
  • Compliment two people ✅
  • Remember that thing about listening ½
  • Clear some emails ½
  • IELTS and TOEFL check ½

An enjoyable day as I only had to teach for 2 hours and it was with 1/9 who are the best students. I felt more grounded today and I was looking for opportunities to do the things on my list but often they came to my mind at times when it was too late to action. I want to keep on trying to form the habits of the first 3 things on my list – I feel like they are important.

Kru Fluke helped me with some printing today so I gave her an award of my favourite teacher of the day but after that, I forgot about any other awards. As I was writing this I also remembered that I told Dylan he was a good guy for helping me with something too – so that’s my two compliments.

I helped Dylan a little in his class too so I’m going to cross off my Random Act of Kindness achievement for today. I’m actually finding it difficult to stay out of other classes because I just enjoy being around the students and helping out.

With nothing much else to do for preparation for work I could spend all day reading or listening to podcasts or watching vides but helping out is making me feel happy. I’m really enjoying working here and I have to thanks George a lot for that.

Then came the dawn and you were gone – 31st July 2020

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Too much to dream last night – Electric Prunes. Cannot remember dream now but I do know I didn’t sleep long enough. Woke up knowing I need to try a bit harder today (in my thinking) – be positive, stay positive – say positive.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I forgot my passport and that I had to go to immigration this morning. It meant some extra running around but also meant I got to try a new coffee shop which has great coffee. It was delicious.

To-do list

  • More blog posts – need to do at least 1! ½
  • Compliments and kindness ½
  • Listen!…….speak.
  • Awards ½

Somewhat have achieved these things. I noticed that in the last few days, I get annoyed at the way George presents himself sometimes. The things he says are usually good advice but I hear it with a hint of arrogance and belief that he feels he is right. I’m cautious about this feeling because it is coming from me and not from him. I want to understand this feeling more and I won’t make any judgment on the person.

I feel like George is always setting a great test for me (not on purpose, of course) – it makes me consider my thoughts, feelings and actions. For that, I am grateful.

Because of this though, it can be tiring to be around him.

We got that attitude! – 30th July 2020

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I am so happy and grateful for the heavy curtains in my room. They help keep the room cool during the day. It’s still super hot but imagine what it would be like without them.

To-do list

  • More blog posts – try to get well ahead
  • Awards awards – all the time ½
  • Compliments and kindness ½

A sort of difficult day today. I felt a little off – not unhappy but not quite content, a little bit thoughtless perhaps.

I felt myself get upset with George when he questioned why I was doing something and I took offence at being questioned about my methods. I understand his reasons for saying what he did but I still feel like he say things in a way that is suggesting that his way is the best. I don’t need to bite at this – I especially shouldn’t react verbally or even emotionally.

I can see instances when he does the same but can turn a comment around into a positive. I need to be more aware of that. As usual – listen (really listen) first, think, evaluate – last resort is to speak!

After school, Ellen had lined up a potential client for online teaching. I was thinking that this would have to be a totally different method for teaching. At school I should adopt the George attitude – don’t stress too much, make it fun for the kids, just make the ones who struggle feel good ie I shouldn’t care so much.

But for Chinese students online, paying a premium I do have to be well organised and know what I’m doing and talking about. I’m still learning – still trying.

We got that attitude! – 26th July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for all the lovely plants we have growing in our house. Plants help make a house into a home and I feel like this is home.

To-do list

  • Awards awards awards ½
  • Push yourself to workout on weekends
  • Compliment everything
  • A random act of kindness
  • Draw something again in the next few days

Well, that was not very successful with this list. After a picnic and party with George, Bee and Dylan (and Amy, of course) on Monday, I was too hungover on Tuesday to do anything that required much thinking. So I’m back on it today (Wednesday).

I realise how much drinking takes it out of me – interrupts my plans. It’s fun to be drunk sometimes but I’m finding it worth less and less. I prefer the happy high of life and living. I’m still pushing myself but finding myself more focused now.

I spent a good 6-8 months reading and researching many different ideas about thinking and being. I’ve trimmed this down a lot now – having understood much of the content and advice. Now I’m doing less thinking about thinking and slowly turning this into action and habit. Still working towards a better life for myself.

We found that attitude! – 14th July 2020

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Quick today – teaching today finally. Brain in gear? Brain in gear – ready to go. Stay with it. Make it fun for the kids.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be in the classroom again. It gives me some confidence, I know I can do a good job.

To-do list

  • Compliment everyone you can ½
  • Mantra and blessing ½
  • Keep students happy – teaching is second ✅
  • Smile, laugh, listen first ½

I was very happy today. Possibly a little too exuberant but I couldn’t help myself. I should try to reign it in a little bit though as sometimes I get too comfortable and forget about how I make other people feel.

I only ended up teaching one lesson this morning – and then made a video. Being with the students again made me happy.

Later, as we discussed the schedule I offered to take 2 lessons each from George and Dylan as they are the subject I’m supposed to be teaching anyway. This meant less work for them and more for me but I felt good about that because it means I can monitor the progress of the students easily. I’m also happy to be working in the class more.

Even the bad news that we now have to arrive before 8 am couldn’t get me down today. We’ve had it easy for a long time really – we’ve been very lucky.