Tag: gratitude

Stephen Pike – 8th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What were you doing in my bed last night
That made me wake up screaming?
Who are you and why give me such a fright
Even though I was only dreaming?

This was a real dream, a man walking up the bed and bending down to strangle me, and as he did I woke up screaming ‘Stephen Pike, Stephen Pike’. I don’t know who he is.

No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty whether in a similar situation he might not have done the same.

Viktor Frankl

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
The bananas I bought at the market that have fed me for the last couple of days. Why are other people’s bananas so good and tasty but the ones growing in my garden don’t go well?
The best thing about today was:
Being around home all day and not feeling stressed or bored or anything in particular. The whole day has been pleasant and enjoyable.

The most important invention in your lifetime is…
The internet, I think. Being involved in IT I was able to utilise my skills early on and saw all the possibilities the internet could provide. It enabled me to contact people around the world easily and allowed me to travel to different countries.

I took this picture because Cap was sitting on the mat in the bathroom looking cute and like he was a teen again so I got down to his level to take photos. This one shows his broken tooth and his broken tongue.

Old Smelly Goat – 7th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The old smelly goat can always be found
In an honest conversation
The bush is eaten, not beaten around
Never requiring explanation
And so the room is full of his stink
At least in your imagination
The truth doesn’t care about what you think
Your position or situation

He who has endured most suffering, most privation, will awaken in the afterwards most keenly alive.

Lev Shestov

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and satisfied.
Today I’m grateful for:
Watching the sunset from the middle of the valley, across rice fields and the big wide sky. I felt at one with the world.
The best thing about today was:
Discovering a whole new part of the valley to explore when I have more time. I didn’t want to go out in the afternoon as I’m already sunburnt so I decided to go at 5pm and I raced down to the airport only having a rough idea of where I wanted to go and so I found lots of nice villages and rice fields and good riding tracks and with lots of wide open space with tracks going off everywhere. Not much jungle here in the valley.

I took this picture because this sums up my days recently since it stopped raining. I spend time in the hammock reading and looking at the home around me.

Made Of Plastic – 6th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I’m made of plastic
I will melt in the sun
I’ll poison the grounds
Where clean waters run

I’m made of plastic
For 5 minutes convenient
Thanks to the dinosaurs
Providing my ingredient

I’m made of plastic
I’ve no use to think
Formed into containers
For the water that you drink

I’m made of plastic
Providing a life of ease
I may not live forever
But longer than the trees

I’m made of plastic
Cancer waits its turn
Coming to the ground near you
Or to the air to burn

Not rarely will a person suffer from neurosis that results from the situation of a sane man living in an insane society, rather than that of the more conventional neurosis of a sick man trying to adapt himself to a sick society.

Erich Fromm

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and chilled
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to hop on my motorbike and pay my electricity bill at the shop when my app didn’t manage to work.
The best thing about today was:
Closing the gate this evening. In fact, for the last few evenings, the sky has been fairly clear and the temperature perfect to just stand and admire the moon, the stars and clouds as well watching multitudes of fireflies and storms gathering on the other side of the valley with great bright yellow flashes lighting the way.

I took this picture because Aing drew these little pictures when she was staying here when Amy and I were in Bangkok. They were a nice surprise to find when we got back home together, back in July.

A Half Head – 5th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s a pink and a black
Could this be the game’s end?
Snookered by lust unsatisfied
Does the old man need a new friend?

A foot in two rivers
And maybe the sea will never be found
A head in two halves
A vehicle in which to be drowned

…at the last we shall not know which was the dream – the years of plenty or the barren years that descended like a storm in the night and swept our youth away.

John Middleton Murry

Today I’m feeling:
Tired but chilled
Today I’m grateful for:
Having some extra sleep time. I felt a little regretful at wasting my morning but I really enjoyed it.
The best thing about today was:
The uni student with half pink and half black hair. I liked it. It was very striking and I wanted to take a photo but I wasn’t in the mood for talking today.

I took this picture because this was my view from my table at Daytripper at golden hour today.

Frank’s Dream – 4th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When Frank died his soul flew up high
And ended up in a powerful war machine
He screamed ‘ANNIHILATE’ but didn’t know why
But then it turned out it was all just a dream

Inspired by Armoured Gideon, 2000AD

It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know they are wretched for they are all full of the truthless ideal which has been instilled into them, and each time they come into contact with the real, they are bruised and wounded.

W. Somerset Maugham

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and satisfied.
Today I’m grateful for:
The front wheel of my motorbike. It took some hard knocks on some tough roads today and I was worried I would have to limp down the mountain with a flat tyre but it held up and got me home.
The best thing about today was:
Riding around new mountains and discovering some beautiful villages and amazing scenery. It was blissful.

What daily habit do you do that improves your quality of life?
For 24 years now I’ve been taking sertraline and that has made an incredible difference to my life, keeping me stable and less prone to depression. I still have bad moments but in general, I am much happier than a was in my first 30 years.
Brushing my teeth. Sad to say that I didn’t look after my teeth well for my first 20 years or so. They are just hanging on since starting to care about them more.
Making my bed. A small habit I only acted on since moving to Thailand. I actually don’t care if my bed is made or not but I do it so as to include it in a series of morning habits and to feel, no matter how minor, to have achieved something already, right at the beginning of the day.
Exercise….if I do it every day it will definitely improve my quality of life. Now I just have to do it every day!

I took this picture because Bruno and I met these kids after a long muddy ride and they were so happy and inquisitive to see two muddy white men in their mountain school at the end of the road.

In The Hammock – 3rd October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Swinging back and forth, to and fro
Watching the world progress in its daily flow
As I contemplate, does the bee wonder so?
What does the bee know, that I don’t know?

He was an older gentleman of considerable charm and culture, who had fallen, however, into bad habits of silence, having said everything he had to say before he was thirty.

Oscar Wilde

Today I’m feeling:
Happy but hungry
Today I’m grateful for:
Banoffee at Daytripper. I needed a sugar and coffee hit this afternoon and fancied a banoffee and luckily they had some available. I sat at a table in the breeze as uni students sat at other tables, eating, chatting and studying and watched rain come over the hill of the university and spooned delicious caramel, banana and chocolate into my mouth, tempered with sips of bitter cappuccino.
The best thing about today was:
Playing the guitar along to some of my favourite songs and realising that I am slowly improving in my playing. Even if I wasn’t it is still just a lot of fun to make cool screeching noises.

What’s one small improvement you can make in your life?
I need to get back into the habit of exercising somehow. I’m still feeling the after-effects of covid but I’m inputting more calories than I’m burning these days and that’s with not really eating too much.

I took this picture because this was the view from where I was sipping my coffee as the rain poured in the distance. 3 rainbows? Maybe an optical illusion of a 4th?

Our Primitive Nature – 2nd October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Groping in the shadows for understanding
Groping in the darkness in search of love
We’ll come to terms with our dark side
Get away and look down from above

Running away from our primitive nature
Rationalising and excusing ways to behave
Learning to accept what’s beyond control
The weight of knowledge will build to save

In the country of the bland, the one-idea man is king.

? – variation on another popular quote

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s mum and dad again for bringing me food. Somehow they seem to always pick the wrong time to bring food. Dad walked in with two serves of pla duk foo just as I pulled out my lunch which was reheating in the microwave. So I ate one for dinner and will have to eat the other tomorrow, even though I have soup prepared already. Their timing is uncanny.
The best thing about today was:
Getting out and working in a different cafe just to make change. The coffee was adequate and improved by the fact that it was only 35baht which was a nice surprise. I sat on a rooftop, with a big shade cover. Everything was dry despite the morning rain. Many kittens were dashing around and causing us all in view to smile. A soft cool breeze and a sensible temperature made for a fresh-air work environment. I realise I should have appreciated it for longer whilst there but I’ll be happy to appreciate it right now in my memory.

Describe your best concert experience.
So many to choose from but let’s consider seeing Cardiacs in London as a six-piece with Miss Swift and the Consultant, champagne, flowers and confetti. Lisa drove us and we were both amped a little on speed. The whole atmosphere was joyous and inclusive, the room filled with love and dry ice. We drove home on a high, watching the rain on the window and following the out-of-focus road leading the way. We couldn’t stop smiling until our cheeks hurt.

I took this picture because today is the first day it’s been cool enough to wear a t-shirt indoors. And when Tigger saw me laying down and finally clothed he started chattering away. I struggled to lift him from the floor and he settled on my chest before rolling into the crook of my arm and swimming away as I rubbed his fatty belly with deep rattling purrs. I don’t know why he only comes when I have a shirt on.

Scrabble – 1st October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

After a fall you may rest in bed
But those words can never be unsaid
Your actions may bring some trouble
But your words will score them double

Live long enough and you’ll learn that the people who’ll really hurt you and screw you over aren’t the obvious, overt monsters but the sly manipulators who smile to your face.

Caitlin Johnstone

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to listen to CDs throughout the day. Marc Ribot, Half Man Half Biscuit and That Fucking Tank. To have music available to suit (or make) any mood is something I’m grateful for.
The best thing about today was:
Walking in the rain and being in the garden in the rain, with Cap watching me from the terrace and Tig curled up on the chair. Idyllic.

What is your favourite season of year? Why?
My favourite season depends on where I am in the world but I guess spring would generally be my favourite. The balance of the four seasons in England makes each of them enjoyable. Sydney, Australia mostly felt like having two seasons but a short break in between each. Thailand has three seasons with no spring to really talk of. Just winter, summer and rainy seasons.

Spring is the light after the cold dark of winter, everything renews and regenerates. A time of hope and possibility. Sometimes summer is tinged with a hint of sadness, knowing that it will finish soon.

I took this picture because despite the rain I was enjoying this walk and I wanted to show my village, with the highway running through. I no longer wonder what I’m doing here. I could be anywhere and this is just where I am right now.

So It Goes – 29th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Moulded from broken sticks and mud
Bones wrapped in skin and filled with blood
Then lightning sparked man’s first feeling
And his survival seemed to be appealing

First, they fought over each other’s bread
Dashing rocks upon the head
Next, they fought over bits of dirt
The winners inflicting the most hurt

Then they fought over their beliefs
Despite the meetings of bigger chiefs
Fought and fought, spilt so much blood
Until the last was buried back in the mud

Not everything is something.

?

Today I’m feeling:
Tired but contented.
Today I’m grateful for:
My hammock, where I could enjoy a little cooling breeze as I did some school work and read a little before having a snooze.
The best thing about today was:
Sitting in the chair at the front of the house as the sun set and the sky darkened, as I drank a refreshing lemonade and enjoyed the neutral air on my skin. I sat and savoured this time as it may never happen again.
What three things did I accomplish today?
1. I finished adding attendance records for all my classes for the whole semester even though it was such short notice.
2. I finished reading A Portrait of Shunkin, a strange short story from Japan. It was evocative and provocative. I loved it.
3. I fixed up a little bit more in the garden. I’m too slow to keep it under control but I like to do a little bit here and there.

I took this picture because Anchan wanted more selfies but the main point here is that I was telling my students here about Hayden, as they asked me questions about my family. Yok is the boy sitting opposite me at the back and he was especially curious. He asked when I last saw Hayden and I said it was 3 years ago. Yok wrote (all this was using translation) that he was sorry and that he was rooting for me) and then he asked if I loved Hayden (presumably because it had been so long since seeing him) and I said ‘yes of course.’ Sadly, Yok then told me that his parents don’t care about him at all. I replied in translation ‘your teacher is rooting for you.’

The Diary That Was – 31st December 1979

Slow – 28th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The air is stuck
There’s no going anywhere
One step forward
It’s sideways from there
Invisible mud muddles
Through invisible puddles
Backed up traffic, stuck
Driving this torpid truck
Barely falling forward
Towards a future unseen
Holding onto the past
Where the memory’s been

The minute you hear ‘freedom’ and ‘democracy’ watch out because in a truly free nation, no one has to tell you you’re free.

Jacque Fresco

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and inspired.
Today I’m grateful for:
Pushing myself to go to Daytripper for coffee and to sit for an hour or more and prepare for class next semester. It was a nice space to be in and there were lots of uni students studying too. I’m grateful to have many choices for places to go to even though I rarely do so.
The best thing about today was:
Seeing an online post from my students saying how much they liked me as their teacher. That made me feel so happy! See photo entry.

I took this picture because I was truly heartened to see these words from Anchan. I can feel that she is mature in her thinking and attitude and I know she has to work hard at home after school too. I hope she becomes a great student and can have a bright future. I hope that for all my students.