Tag: learning

Watch out for the spiders of compulsion – 6th February 2018

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

As it was in 1994, my year of change is marked by death.  Then, it was my best friend Steve.  Steve would have been the first person I would turn to in times of sadness and self-doubt when trying to settle in Australia.  Now, it is my mother.

This is a bigger cultural change, a deeper more emotional challenge, moving to Thailand.  I wanted to share it with my mum and listen to her advice.  I know what her advice would be but I would still like to have heard it from her own mouth.  I will stay strong, continue to make her proud.

This afternoon I have a Skype interview for the CELTA course (English teaching) in Chiang Mai.  I have done one of these interviews before in Sydney and was accepted to do the course but that time I was under no pressure and was fairly relaxed about everything and I ended up not taking the course at that time.  This time I am more worried.  This is something I need once I get to Thailand so that I can find work legally there.  I am also, obviously, not in a particularly bright and cheery mood.

These days are dragging now,  I’m getting impatient to take my next steps.  Why can’t I relax, take everything in my stride, enjoy the free time?  I often seem to be striving for the next thing, constantly on the move.

The fear of numbered days makes them pass too swiftly.

You fight for your life
Held back by fear of falling
You fight for your life
Held back by fear of feeling
You fight for your life
Held back by fear of freedom
Your only fear
The fear of freedom

 

I can’t stop now, I’ve travelled so far, to change this lonely life – 19th February 2002

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t know what love is.
I know what it isn’t.

25th Feb 2022 – Well, here I am twenty years later and I feel like I understand better about ‘love’ now. Part of that is being with the right person, another part is my improved self-esteem. In the words I wrote, I feel that the word ‘love’ could be replaced with many things. It’s a sign of immaturity – which is fine – so long as it resolves at some point in your life.

Unfortunately, this post puts a particular song into my head, which I won’t mention, saving you from the same head worm. The clue is in the title though.

Image found through an image search using the post title.

Purely by coincidence, the next article I read contained this quote (or paraphrase) from Aristotle:
“To understand anything, we must understand what it is not.” Perhaps I was already on the way.

All I want is a room with a view – 1st February 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

White rabbits Mary says to say!

Burnt pizza and Piat D’or – our celebratory meal for this – the first day of a new month.  So much to look forward to – I look forward to every moment.

Me and Broni dance like serpents across the living room floor – slipping our tongues over each other’s golden skin, so smooth and soft.  A mad dash to the bedroom and my baby straddles me and writhes along with me to our own sweet music.

We dance properly to crazy love tunes after and revel in the glory of our own happiness and pleasure.  I fix the room up some more and sing songs of the Suns.  Tonight I feel free.  Free from the outside world, free from exploitation and outside influence.  I’m inside my head and my head tells me I’m happy.  Not as I was a couple of years ago.  I needed drugs to get inside my head but lost the essence of what was outside.  I was trapped.

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I still have pleasurable memories of particular moments and I’m thankful for the experiences.  We all have different learning processes.  I’m glad my mind is still open for learning.  Onward is our quest for knowledge.

Brave New Beginnings – 5th March 1993

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Sun shines down on me
And I realise I am blessed
With all life’s wonder
And each day’s new test

Clouds that pass by
Casting shadows of doubt and fear
Are soon-forgotten reflections
That never held favour here

Each new step taken forward
Opens up numerous avenues to explore
Each avenue searched in time
Makes more possibilities than ever before

Once so easy to frighten
Once easy to quash my ideas
Now I stand proud and enlightened
With knowledge gained from my years

Brave new beginnings around me
From them, I will not turn
Each little twist of destiny
Leaves a lesson for me to learn

1st Jan 2026 – Shared with Esther Chilton’s Writing Prompt 97 – new beginnings