Driving away from this town called ease I was wasting time to do as I please Try to fill my brain with new things to do Remembering that I’m just passing through Clearer heads appear under different skies Walking away from that old disguise From ease to pain will soon turn again The town will remain, just the same
What a boy had set out to seek, a man had found, found by the act of living.
Mervyn Peake, from Titus Alone
Today I’m feeling: Happy and relaxed Today I’m grateful for: The ladies at the tattoo shop who did a great job with my tattoo. They were fast, professional and surprisingly cheap. The best thing about today was: Walking around with a new tattoo. It gives a vague boost of confidence, like, this is me today, it is more than me yesterday. Write a personal mantra or affirmation for next year. Don’t be lazy.
I took this picture because this represents pretty much the only thing I did today different to 99.9% of other days!
A coin to gain entry A seat for the sunset, sir? Do not trust the dawn For it may never occur Take your pick of the tables Or perhaps up there in the tree? The smartest trick the Devil Sold to you that which is free
inspired by a passage from Titus Alone by Mervyn Peake
We say that at home, we can ‘be ourselves.’ Everywhere else, we are someone else.
Matthew Desmond
Today I’m feeling: Relaxed Today I’m grateful for: Amy finding a new place to move to already, just 2 days after finding out she would have to move. One of her housemates was crying that Amy will leave so soon. That is the effect Amy has on people. I’m so lucky she is part of my life. The best thing about today was: Reading comics and finding more to read. I’m trying to catch up on 2000AD and Judge Dredd and after about 5 years (maybe more) I’m still only up to 1995! Can this be considered a long-term goal? Sometimes, when I’m high I consider how trivial, inconsequential and boring the things I’m interested in are! Then I think that I’m not alone. Almost everyone’s interests these days are insubstantial and niche. It makes it hard to get enthusiastic apart promoting music through tenzenmen sometimes. Sometimes it feels like me and three other people really dig something and I don’t have the energy to try and break through to others who have their own particular niche interests. If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say? I would take it down. What a blight! I would sell it for advertising. What is one more ad in the scheme of things? I would have it display a new positive quote every day. I would paint it the same colour as what is behind it.
I took this picture because I went on a little bike ride past Hacienda where there used to be a rubbish-burning collection point. It’s gone now and the land is slowly being dug out to fill in reclaimed rice fields for new buildings. This clump of bamboo sits atop a last piece of the old land and will soon be gone too. I found a track opposite that wasn’t marked on the map but when I switched to satellite view was clearly a proper dirt road at one point though now it was covered with grass again. I ponder about contacting Google to send me a camera so they can update their maps but the only person who benefits from this would be me. All the locals already know these tracks and paths and it’s only stupid me that goes off exploring and getting fucked up by google maps leading me into rivers or walls.
Temporary swarms buzz and circle Conversations bend or disappear Nests break and reconfigure With new formations becoming clear An idler on the roof above Monitors the party in motion Follows every dip and rise As if floating on the ocean Plans discussed, pleasantries exchanged Jokes told to absurd laughter Approaches made, compliments fired And plans afoot for what comes after
a scene from Titus Alone by Mervyn Peake
To live is to war with trolls in heart and soul. To write is to sit in judgement on oneself.
Henrik Ibsen
Today I’m feeling: Content and lazy Today I’m grateful for: Being able to easily buy snacks and treats for myself at shops nearby and having the money to do it. I’m far away from any major commerce but through the effort of 1000s of people, I can buy yoghurt, blue cheese, chips and toilet paper at stores just a 10-minute drive away. The best thing about today was: Listening to Kurws. Great band making interesting music for a decade or so. Today has been a very lazy day after returning from shopping at 10am. I haven’t done much of what I normally do but I’m fine with it. I’m getting used to this quiet life and not having a frenzy in my head of having to do things out of obligation, though I do recognise and appreciate that driving force at times. I know I will get that feeling back in a week or two when school starts again so in the meantime I’m enjoying the freedom to listen to as much music as I can.
I took this picture because… come on, how cute is that! This is from a couple of months ago but I’ve been so lazy to go anywhere and take any interesting pictures today. Even in the garden. I suppose I could have found something beautiful at the shops… Pictures are not usually on my mind when shopping though, usually just want to get in and out as quick as possible.
As my mind opened so did the world in front of me Even as a child I sensed things were not as should be So it is now I look up to the biggest sky I ever saw Where love and cooperation must trump violence and war
“the biggest sky I ever saw” is taken from a Robert Plant interview used in the Led Zeppelin biography by Mick Wall, hence the title.
The brain and the tongue are so far apart.
Prunesquallor from Gormenghast by Mervyn Peake
Today I’m grateful for: Champ asking me if I’d like to teach in the new building where the rooms will have aircon! That could be nice. I’m sure there will be teething troubles in there and maybe Champ has some other motive for me being there but all the same, it is nice to be thought of. The best thing about today was: Momo coming and telling me that she wished I was still teaching her. When I asked why she said that my classes were more fun. I think she and Porpieng feel that they are not being challenged enough now. I felt good to hear her say this, making me remember the impact, no matter how small, I’m having on her life.
I took this picture because the clouds rolling up the mountain like this really caught my attention. I was struggling to find anything to take a picture of on this walk as the sky was still quite dull and grey but then seeing the sun hitting the mountaintops and this cloud really stuck out. I stood and savoured it even if only for a second or two.
I don’t want to go outside The rain spits knives at my blinking eyes Don’t want to be outside Angry ghosts stare at me in surprise I don’t want to see outside Evil awaits with sharpened knives Don’t take me to the outside Amongst the dead and zombied lives I don’t want to go outside The flashing neon against dull grey skies Don’t want to be outside To smell the carcass covered in flies I don’t want to see outside The monsters can’t get me in my bed Don’t take me to the outside Where the rats of paranoia invade my head
The day a child realises all adults are imperfect, he becomes and adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; and the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.
Alden Nowlan, Selected Poems
Today I’m grateful for: Pushing myself to walk to Utopia in the morning and recognising the extra energy that gave me throughout the day. I got a lot done. The best thing about today was: Reading more Gormenghast. I’m loving the language and imagery and being introduced to all these weird and quirky characters. I’m enjoying it more than the first book in the series so far. There were lots of other good things today too mostly because I was in a good mood because of my morning walk and the sun being out again.
I took this picture because this was the view of the sunrise on my first early morning walk. It was also nice to view the world around me from different perspectives.
1994ever 