Tag: quote

If you can fool yourself, you can fool anyone – 3rd February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

I have all the character strengths I need at my disposal but there are some I need to practice more and improve.

Perspective: Being able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking at the world that make sense to oneself/others.

I see myself on a journey where the destination is wisdom and contentment. My challenge is to acquire these attributes before I die. My default assumption is that everyone else is on the same journey whether they know it or not. Many have already met their challenge whilst others are still travelling. So I sometimes find myself being able to provide counsel for others and other times go in search of that counsel myself.

Social Intelligence: Being aware of the motives/feelings of others and oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick.

This is one I really need to practice more. I have gotten better at this since I was in my 20s but even now I just avoid social situations if I feel they don’t suit me. This is slightly compounded by being in Thailand where some situations may mean I’m the only English speaker or there may be myself and one other English speaker, almost forcing us to be sociable with one another. Then there are other times I may only be surrounded by other teachers, where our only connection is our profession and conversation devolves into complaining about our schools, which becomes unproductive and boring. Finally, there’s the rest of the ex-pat community who I generally remain suspicious of, mostly through negative experiences when around them previously. Well, I guess it’s a fertile ground for improvement at least. Must push myself. (Today I just want to shut down and sleep.)

Spirituality: Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort.

I believe life ultimately has no meaning so we must give it our own meaning somehow. These days I am doing a lot of thinking around all these ideas but it is becoming time to put things into action (shaping my conduct).

I remember one time when I was working at the check outs in a supermarket and a regular customer I would chat with was contemplating out loud what the meaning of everything was, to which I responded that life is pointless. She readily agreed but we understood each other that this was a motivation for giving it meaning rather than giving up on it. I have definitely changed my view on this over the years. When I was younger, with lots of time ahead of me, I sometimes thought life was pointless so just gave up on trying to do anything. I’m questioning this statement even as I write when I consider all the many things I actually achieved during that time. But no matter, those negative thoughts were in my mind.

Kindness: Doing favors and good deeds for others; helping them; taking care of them.

Sometimes I don’t give myself enough acknowledgement for doing this. I perhaps consider kindness as being normal so forget to account for it. But there are definitely other times when I think back to times when I could have been kinder and offered to help someone with something that they were doing, rather than concentrating on my personal tasks.

Teamwork: Working well as a member of a group or team; being loyal to the group; doing one’s share.

I wonder if this characteristic is an issue for most only-children? I’ve learned to rely and depend on myself, even more so having been raised by a single parent. I do prefer working alone but also happy to be part of a team so long as instruction is clear and meaningful. When part of a plan doesn’t make sense I just won’t do it. Perhaps I am sometimes thought of as cantakerous because I am not afraid to speak my mind. See next point!

Prudence: Being careful about one’s choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted.

Me and my big mouth.

If you’re led around by your nose
You’ll never get to see how the garden grows.

-Volcano Suns
Cool hidden cafe. On the edge of Burma.

I am sometimes good at doing these things but often get wrapped up in myself too much instead. Perhaps people who know me would be surprised at these choices; perhaps they would see me differently. That would be nice to know but ultimately there’s only me that has to live with my thoughts. Only me that can think, and then act, my way to improvement.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be invited for a bike ride by Boyan this morning. I was quite surprised. I think he feels a little more comfortable to talk with me now. I’m happy if he feels that way.

Testing, competing with and criticising others weaken and defeat you.

Morehei Veshiba

To-do list

  • 5 kind things you did today?
  • Catch up on emails and articles ✅
  • Think again before speaking – do not complain ½
  • Write blog entry – take new pictures ½
  • Gym after work

I forgot about Mondays being tough. I think I realised as soon as I stepped into school and my energy levels suddenly decreased dramatically. My annoying students certainly lived up to expectations and it wasn’t until eating some lunch I started to feel better. So I didn’t have much kindness within me.

I did catch myself speaking and complaining before thinking when chatting with Kevin and Said. I have to think of those situations like a game to play. Not to win but to stop from losing by complaining.

By the time of getting home, the students had drained me so much that gym was out of the question, despite me knowing these are key moments that need to be pushed through to make real change. Instead, I watered the garden which was a much more pleasant pastime.

Tomorrow I will be in the city – oh, as I’m writing this, plans have changed. Now it seems I may be able to get to the gym tomorrow – something I will aim for.

Things I will try to do better tomorrow are to not let the students push my buttons so much and calmly deal with them if necessary. Tuesday is a much easier day too. I will endeavour to remind myself to play the listening game when talking with others and look for opportunities to be kind.

From the ground and in the air, it’s a fabulous spectacle – 2nd February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Oh! I went riding around in the hills and valleys again today and I savoured every minute of it. The cool morning air countered the sun and heat, the sky white with mist and smoke, though thankfully not the thick cancerous smoke that will soon be with us every day until rainy season. Every paradise humans have found required a garbage dump.

I’m surprised I’m energised this morning after a 7 hour drunken sleep, woken somewhere in that time by Indian indigestion. I guess the two coffees kick-started me well enough so as soon as I got back from the cafe I hopped on the bike, no destination in mind.

The locals stare curiously at this white-haired monster screaming through their quiet village daily life but return the big smiles I beam at them. Spread the love. I get stuck behind what may have at one time been a truck but has been mangled into a new form so as to navigate its territory. On the back, two old uncles cling on to the stack of metal merchandise, though one is drunkenly singing and dancing to the traditional Thai folk music blasting from the rigged up PA system. The audio system far more important than the vehicle, which drops bolts and parts to the ground as it bounces around. It’s just turned 10 am.

Finally, I turn off and deeper into the hills through dirt tracks, some familiar, others new to me. Besides the divots and bumps, sleeping dogs must be navigated, their nerve holding much longer than mine.

Eventually, time to turn back, sore butt yet soaring thoughts. For brief moments in time it is wonderful to be alive. Let’s seek them out.

Suitably invigorated I set about the task of finally moving the stack of bricks that has been sitting in the middle of the garden for the past two years. They had become so familiar that they were practically invisible now. Every now and then I would be reminded by the cats sitting atop the stack, surveying the garden, waiting for birds to fly into their mouths.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the garden and half the clothing I used to wear has decomposed, my sweat probably had eaten through the fabric. Stacking 12 blocks at a time into the wheelbarrow I soon regretted not having gloves but whatever, time to toughen up these dishwashing hands again.

Nearer the bottom of the stack, I started to notice discarded snakeskins so thought to be a little bit more cautious, particularly as the blocks have 3 deep pockets through them. And finally, in the bottom of the pile, a small shy snake tasting the air with its tongue from within one of the pockets.

I carefully removed all the other blocks, keeping a good eye on the snake in its home. At one point it decided to make a break which gave me chance to capture a photo which I could get an ID for the snake later on Facebook. The snake exchanged one pocket for another as there was nowhere else safe to go, just open spaces around.

I figured I’d give it some time to chuff off on it’s own accord but then realised the nearest place of solitude was in our room where Amy teaches. Not the best option. So it was, pockets facing away I carefully picked up the whole block and chucked it over the fence into the deep scrub and long grass outside. Situation dealt with.

Godspeed….

Through the Facebook group, I discovered the snake was a highly venomous Thai spitting cobra. In our ignorance of its existence until this day our cats and I had been lucky and likewise, today this shy, delicate yet deathly dangerous beast let our relationship end without grief. I just hope our relationship has ended permanently.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful at my ability to bounce back and be positive again. I remember a time a minor thing would play on my mood for many days.

The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times. The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.

Mihaly Csikszentmihali

To-do list

  • Hang washing ½
  • Cut grass at front ✅
  • Record new TCRAH ✅
  • Write blog entry as if abducted ½
  • Finalise more details for WDS

A quieter and much more enjoyable day today. Time goes too quickly though. I wrote a different blog entry today but want to explore that idea about feelings of loss of freedom.

Tonight I will savour more about my trip to Japan.

Tomorrow’s lessons are all planned out though I need to be prepared for the unexpected as always. Our daily schedule will be a little different in that we have to take the car for service and Amy can’t drive. We’ve planned ahead though so it should all work out. If anything does go awry then remain calm.

Things I could have done better today was maybe not going for coffee in the morning. I had told Amy I would hang the washing when I came back but she had already done it despite her busted arm. She wasn’t upset at doing it but I missed an opportunity to be helpful. Tomorrow I will try to consider more opportunities for acts of kindness.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #23 – 1st February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from 65daysofstatic, Stormy Six, The Controllers, Kerosene 454, Jawbreaker, Die! Die! Die!, Death, Minutemen, Beefeater, Red Cross, Necros, Hanadensha, Versus, Au Pairs, The Paper Chase, Blast, Soul Inc.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see my friend Fern again.

Take a good hard look at people’s ruling principle, especially of the wise, what they run away from, and what they seek out.

Marcus Aurelius

Weight: 80.3kg
Resting heart rate: 44

To-do list

  • Record TCRAH/upload. ½
  • Put together card for Kru Noon.
  • Do more drawing practice.
  • Do the Coursera meditation. ✅
  • Enjoy evening with Amy, Aing and Gus.

Well, looking at these five challenges it seems like I didn’t do much yesterday!

I did spend a bit more time reading as I was diving into the book about a girl’s abduction and trying to imagine myself in her position. I wanted to try to write down being there and all the thoughts going through my mind.

Later, I compared it with being a prisoner within your own mind – a place we can never escape.

I sorted out more CDs and feel that that task is getting closer to completion.

By the evening and time to go out, I was feeling very relaxed and happy.

As we were driving to the evening festival Amy got upset because I didn’t drive the way, the direction, she wanted. Her anger got more and more and I felt very embarrassed in front of Aing, Gus and Nu. There was no real need for it and I tried to brush it off as best I could.

Unfortunately, I was only able to do this for a short time until I felt sadness and anger too. I had to go and sit by myself for 5 minutes and calm my mind. I felt better when I returned but by then I was exhausted. Amy had a few beers and was happy though I was worried that she would drink too much and start getting violent with me again.

Things were ok though Amy was getting louder and I just felt like I wanted to be somewhere quiet. The noise of the festival was relentless, from every direction and incoherent. It gave me a headache. I tried to constantly talk myself in a positive headspace but it just got worse as Amy loudly tried to put me down in front of the others again. I couldn’t/didn’t want to have an argument in front of others and Amy knew this and used it to her advantage.

We got home and things had calmed down until Amy came and started on me again. I was tired and cranky by this point and bit back and we went to sleep unhappy with each other. I feel like there is something else behind this behaviour, not just a desire to try and control me.

I’d like to talk with Amy about this but will have to find the right time and try not to just get into another argument.

Something else that has been bothering me is Amy always talking about how all the money is with her and everything is in her name. At first, it was just a bit of fun but I’m not amused anymore. It feels like a fascist hold over me. I’m ok for her to take care of all that stuff but I don’t need reminding of it every week.

Again, I think Amy is not happy these days and doing these actions to compensate. I’d just like to see her happy and positive again – preferably without alcohol.

My war, you’re one of them – 31st January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

“Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on—it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance—unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.”
—MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 11.18.5b

I’ve never been a manly man. Well, I say that, though I can remember trying to be one from about ages 11-14. Then I started getting bullied a bit at school and realised I wasn’t ever going to be a strong boy physically.

Not me but you get the idea…

I retreated into my mind but taking resentment and bitterness there. I filled myself with seething hatred for everything around me, confusing what I considered personal injustice with larger injustices of the world. Everything was against us. It was us and them, whoever us was and whoever they were.

I dove head first into the moshpits of punk rock. Besides my mother, punk really was a rock for me to hold on to. Sometimes I clung too tight but eventually I found my way.

Justice and fairness are still amongst my top character strengths, thankfully along with curiousity and gratitude – those two came later.

These days I’m trying to calm my mind to bring some inner peace but the tunes of yesterday still rattle around from dawn to dusk. This inner noise is it’s own sort of peace, it’s familiarity calming, the anger gone.

Man is spelt big M.A.N. it’s the letters of the law,
Man is spelt big M.A.N. that’s who the law is for.

– Crass

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the supportive teachers around me. They have helped me cover a lesson today and it was easy to stand once I found the right person to talk with.

You can’t learn what you think you already know.

Epictetus (paraphrase)

To-do list

  • Arrange someone to manage the class I miss. ✅
  • Make another blog post around an article. ✅
  • Ride bike to get a haircut.
  • More Coursera/another DIY article. ½
  • WDS – follow up on BKK and Yogya shows. ½

I’m starting to feel comfortable and relaxed at school. Able to deal with unexpected conditions, which seem to arise often. I still feel connected with the students but not so intensely involved. I will do what I can for them and try to prepare a good plan for them for learning but I’m going to over-invest my time, even though I do really love to push myself and always think to do the very best I can.

Without the pressure and expectations from the school for continuing with them next semester I am enjoying all the situations, good and bad, and I realise now that this is how I should try to feel all the time at work.

It’s just occurred to me this idea in opposition, of being a very organised person and having to work in a very disorganised environment. Instead of a strict organisation of ideas for lessons, I should have an outline plan and then be ready and organised for disruption. So, a good solid base to work from and then prepared to add on to it. Work smarter.

I talked a little bit with Kevin today and he was surprised at my involvement in music.

I also managed to complete deleting about 90% of my ‘friends’ on Facebook. Most of them are unnecessary for my day-to-day and if either I or they wish to connect again for any reason we are still able to but I’d like to think of myself using Facebook as opposed to Facebook using me. Communicating in short sound bytes is not effective and nuanced, becomes frustrating and just making me anxious about useless things.

I want to concentrate more on writing on my blog – that gives me a deeper satisfaction. It’s not particularly important if anyone sees it or not – I just want to go through the process, forge a habit, think better and ultimately feel better.

It keeps us away from who we should be loving – 30th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

“How much more time, energy, and pure brainpower would you have available if you drastically cut your media consumption? How much more rested and present would you feel if you were no longer excited and outraged by every scandal, breaking story, and potential crisis (many of which never come to pass anyway)?”

Excerpt From “The Daily Stoic” by Ryan Holiday

This is something I’ve been conscious of for about ten years, since first reading an article about how ‘the news’ is not good for us. In my lifetime the news and its delivery have changed considerably. Someone who read newspapers or watched BBC 2 news analysis shows was deemed to be knowledgeable and worldly.

These days news is everywhere and very little of it is actually news. A couple of decades ago Jello Biafra urged us to ‘become the media’ and technology has now allowed us that opportunity but we, as humans, have subverted this idea to push along our personal agendas.

So, I turned off the news, anywhere it could be found. If there’s something I really need to know I will find out about it. 99.9% of everything else has no real consequence in my life. That gives me a lot of free time to appreciate all the good things in life. It brings me closer to those I should be loving.

Another fantastic slow news day!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sunrise each morning. With the temple as a pointer on the mountain, I can see how ancient man used this to measure time.

Our intentional, effortful activities have a powerful effect on how happy we are over and above the effects of our set points and the circumstances in which we find ourselves.

Sonya Lyubomirsky

To-do list

  • Finish gratitude letter for Maesara. ✅
  • Get some solid info from George about lesson plans. ½
  • Immigration, book shop, relax. ✅
  • More Coursera, transfer notes to book. ✅
  • Clean up cartoon drawing. ✅

Today was another easy day and I felt very happy with everything. I actually got a lot more done than I expected. I feel like things are coming together very well in my life. I feel fresher, livelier, motivated and committed.

I talked with George after work – a stimulating and positive conversation as usual. He thinks TLC will ask me to join CRPAO lesson planning before this semester ends which will be fine for me.

George has his way of dealing with ‘troublesome’ people at work that I really admire and something I could definitely learn and improve on in myself. It revolves around listening and thinking a lot more before speaking. My outspoken opinion on things seems to get me into trouble so I need to step back and think about the outcomes more.

Tomorrow I’ve had to suddenly rearrange my day so that I can renew my work permit. I dealt with this change of plan quite easily and shouldn’t cause any issues. Tonight I will savour my trip to Japan when I first met Limited Express (has gone?)

Joy – 27th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Said for loaning me 100 baht so I could buy coffee.

It is a joy to be hidden…..but disaster not to be found.

DW Winnicott

To-do list

  • More exam preparation ✅
  • Typhoon game for revision
  • Review each hour at night
  • Think before speaking – do not complain ½
  • No Facebook at work ✅

Spent free time at work today finishing the final exam questions. That’s me prepared until the end of April.

I challenged myself today with the question – ‘what can you do to surprise your partner?’ After a little thought I realised I should book somewhere nice for us to go for our tenth wedding anniversary. I’m really happy with myself about that. It will be a fantastic time.

My challenge for each hour of today:
6am – stretch, meditate, shower, eat, five points challenge
7am – drove to work, prepared extra worksheets
8am – got coffee and did some reading from Daily Stoic*
9am – worked more on the IEC exam, went to pee many times
10am – continued on exams and got another coffee
11am – finished exam paper and printed, messaged Jim and dropped off
12pm – ate lunch and read some more Daily Stoic
1pm – watched Coursera videos and failed the quiz
2pm – fixed set up in library just in time for the only lesson of the day
3pm – rushed through the lesson, Jim returned exams for updates
4pm – fixed exam papers and dropped off again, drove home
5pm – finished reading A Chinese Life
6pm – watched some TV, and looked at Facebook for the first time
7pm – ate dinner and discussed holiday plans with Amy
8pm – here in bed, writing this and will read next

*What do you remember reading from Daily Stoic today? If you can’t remember then I think I didn’t really take in what I was reading.

We got that attitude! – 26th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

I am so happy and grateful to my Mum for all her hard work. She loved her work making knitwear. I am so happy and grateful to all the partners in my life, those who helped me grow one way or another. I am so happy and grateful to all my work colleagues, even though I didn’t get involved so much in their lives I could still learn things from them, whether I liked them or not.

…a limit of time is fixed for you and if you do not use it for clearing away the clouds from your mind, it will go and you will go with it and it will never return.

Marcus Aurelius

To-do list

  • Go out and enjoy time with Amy ✅
  • Meditate in my room ✅
  • Cut up stickers, put some up in the city ½
  • Go to gym
  • Random act of kindness

The day disappeared so quickly after taking the opportunity to sleep in until 8 am.

I enjoyed time in my room in the morning, then teaching in the afternoon and Amy and I had a great time in the city despite how tired I was.

I’m not sure how I’ll feel tomorrow but I should only have one lesson to teach in the afternoon anyway.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #22 – 25th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from Aksak Maboul, North of America, The Milkshakes, Lungfish, UXA, Tipographica, The Cramps, Ex-Models, Magma, Cicala Mvta, Cicatriz En La Matriz, Trick Cigarettes, Neutral Sons, Karminsky Experience, Undertones.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sun this morning. It’s cold again so sitting in the sun feels good on my face.

In order to live at all one must come to terms with non-living.

Analysis of Levin, Anna Karenina

To-do list

  • Record new TCRAH ✅
  • Go to the gym in the morning
  • Try to pick Amy up
  • Visualise and review the day hour-by-hour
  • Spent time enjoying the room ½

Today got derailed somewhat as Amy and I had a minor fight before Amy even got out of bed. She wanted to talk about my passport and it being delivered by DHL to Chiang Mai. I know this is on her mind but trying to think about serious things may be better done after getting up and being more prepared for the day.

This start left us both in a bad mood and I felt unmotivated to do what I had planned. After coffee, I had thought to go to the gym but just by chance, it was closed anyway.

We both picked ourselves up a bit by lunchtime but I felt a sort of relief to not be thinking too much about my daily challenges and practising more philosophical ideas.

Even though I enjoy the weekend teaching I am starting to feel a little like a machine. I’m not exhausted by it but would like more available contemplative time.

If I took the time to bleed from all the tiny little arrows shot my way – 24th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Flow
– challenging but attainable goals
– strong focused concentration
– intrinsically rewarding
– feeling of serenity
– loss of self-consciousness
– timelessness/lose track of time
– lack of awareness of physical needs
– complete focus on the activity

How to achieve flow?
– Doing challenging leisure!

extrinsic = external
intrinsic = internal

extrinsic motivation can undermine intrinsic motivation and growth mindset

Growth mindset
– focus on learning not outcomes
– good performance takes hard work
– hard work is good
– effort = good
– make the most of deficiencies
– capitalise on mistakes
– no decrease in internal motivation
– performance increases over time

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the sunrise in the morning and prepare myself for the new day.

The choice of being horribly depressed or incredibly liberated is up to you.

Neil Pasricha

To-do list

  • Book flights after school. ½
  • Cut down on feeds – focus on Stoicism. ✅
  • Be more curious today – learn more about someone. ✅
  • Do not complain! Do not complain! ✅
  • Random act of kindness. ½

Finally, the English camp is over. I decided to sit and talk with Aiza a little as we’d never really been introduced.

At the coffee shop, there were some Japanese tourists and I held the door for them and said ‘Oaskini doso’ much to their surprise. They were very happy and it made me feel good.

I was very conscious of not complaining about anything today and may have succeeded. And in a big effort, I managed to book most of the flights for the WDS tour. A beautiful Sichuan hot pot to complete the day.

The only downside is the feeling that Amy is not so happy at the moment – she is always annoyed or upset about something in this country. I understand it is more difficult for her here than it is for me (in some ways) and I know she appreciates the things we have but I hope she can ward off these imbalances in her happiness.

Tomorrow we will be teaching again. I’m feeling confident in my lessons and look forward to them more than school, even though I have more fun with the students at school.

I wish there was no stopping me now – 23rd January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Stuff that really makes us happy
– wanting the right parts of what we already want, activating your signature strengths

Character strengths are ubiquitous, fulfilling morally valued, not able to diminish others, opposite of a negative trait, trait-like, measurable, distinctive, paragon, prodigies, select absence, institutionalised.

Signature strengths = most essential to who you are, where you flourish most. So, seek out a career with your signature strengths.
Practice = use of your top strengths in a new and different way every day
Using top 4 strengths are best

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the kids who greet me with happy smiles in the morning. I can appreciate the connection I have with them.

The only thing that can ever truly destroy a dream is to have it come true.

Mark Manson

To-do list

  • More exam preparation.
  • Be curious about someone today. ½
  • Run after work.
  • Start booking flights.
  • Think, shut up, speak if it adds. ½

Didn’t achieve so much this day and I put that down to alcohol consumption and lack of sleep. I actually felt OK in the morning but ran out of energy around 3pm. The day was quite enjoyable – I really do enjoy the connection I have with the kids.

Ellen called in the evening. She was upset at Rob (her on/off boyfriend) again and I tried to soothe her and calm her down telling her much of what I’ve been learning myself. We are all at different stages of our journeys.

Tomorrow is the last day of camp – it’s been fun though useless for the students. I’m fine with the break.

Tomorrow I need to pull things into some focus and maybe just concentrate on a couple of things and drop the others. I love to learn but maybe just taking in too much from too many places at the moment. I really have to book these flights tomorrow too! And follow up with venues!