I’ve been sketching. Slowly improving I think. Testing myself with faces and fingers…..ugh! These are all taken from pictures of my students (school and university). It’s a fun challenge.
Every raw material at hand Remember all the things you said you’d do?
Learn How by Mission of Burma
12th Mar 2023 – I haven’t done much sketching since this post but I still carry a small notebook with me just in case I get the urge. I enjoyed the process, but not so much the results. I console myself in the fact that I was trying things and still seeking inspiration anywhere I could. I seem to have settled on writing here as my main outlet for creativity but I should start adding some variety again.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the students in M1/9 – some of them are capable of carrying out complex conversations and able to discuss thoughts and feelings clearly. Sometimes I can feel that my effort to help teach them has been worthwhile.
For the end of term celebration dinner I thought it a nice idea to write a haiku for each of the teachers I work with – an artistic test for myself. I printed them on A4, laminated, cut, hole-punched and cut and tied ribbons on each. I enjoyed the whole process.
Kru Fluke
UNO champ, waiting Watching the new Thai drama Quiet achiever
For a while, at the end of the working day, teachers would gather to play UNO before heading home. Fluke would sit in quietly, watching some Thai drama series or other on her iPad at the same time. With a sweet and lovely smile she was a vicious backstabber when it came to the game and often won. It was best not to sit next to her round the table!
Kru JJ
Lipstick, mascara You make it work, you go girl Swing those hips wildly
All the male teachers in our building (and in most of the school) are gay and love getting dressed up for special events. They can be so spectacular and outrageous that it’s difficult not to get swept up in the occasion. JJ is, of course, one of them. A smart young guy who should’ve been born a girl.
Teacher Dylan
Sleepy ginger boy Wake up; the world wants you now So, wake the fuck up
Dylan is from Northern Ireland and is here in Chiang Rai along with his many brothers, cousins and other relatives I’m sure. The brothers look so alike that they find it difficult to meet girls that other members of the family have not already met, Chiang Rai being a pretty small town to start with. Anyway, Dylan arrives at school each day well before he has actually woken up and being young he attracts the most attention from the other similarly aged female teachers.
Kru KT
Silky voice, smooth tune Loud and proud; but wait, what’s this Big boy is sleeping
KT, or Kate, is another male teacher, though not quite as outrageous, he loves to sing loudly and play fight with the female teachers. He is a big (and big hearted) guy and because of this he has a problem where he stops breathing in his sleep so wakes up all through the night. This affects him at work as he often nods off, sometimes mid song. There are many pictures and videos of him snoring away.
Kru Champ
Stress, happiness, stress Working hard for the future Your reward will come
Champ is our hard working coordinator who gets a ton of (nonsensical) work dumped on him whilst also trying to implement things in a better way, hence his ever-swinging between stress and happiness. If efforts were truly rewarded in this world, he will achieve a lot. Lives with his boyfriend and supports the many LGBTQ+ kids in the school.
Kru Amp
Dance under the moon The wolf is crazy; no sleep Sleep when you are dead
Amp, along with First, JJ and Tee, was one of the student teachers from the local university. She taught Chinese and her English was the best when it came to speaking but her understanding was very good. So good that she could play along well with jokes and she loved having a fun time, especially dancing.
Kru First
Face reflects the moon A laugh and smile; gone too soon No more UNO now
First had a face that reminded me of a childhood story-book moon. A genuine personality and diligent worker it was sad to see her leave at the end of the term.
Kru Gratae
Love is in your heart Impatient; where is the one? Wait, don’t try so hard
Gratae is a loud, funny and self deprecating girl always looking for love advice from anyone. She is not so pretty on the outside but once you get to know her there is a sad vulnerability hidden there and when she is not hiding herself behind her defenses is a very nice person.
Kru Tee
Soft and gentle girl Turns out tough; always goes hard Life of the party
Tee introduced herself as ‘Tee, as in PART-TEE!’ She is a chubby happy girl that I believe hides her abilities and real personality. Very likable, I’m glad she has stayed on here as a teacher.
Kru Mai
Purposeful, thoughtful Watch the students dance with joy Always going forth
Mai has a striking looking feminine posture with a mushroom haircut. If you see him you will wonder what he is about. As far as I can tell he is a well respected teacher among the students, particularly as he will often play music and encourage dancing in his classes. Obviously he coordinates a lot of the stage show events the schools here seem to love. Mai is always the most outrageous cross dresser in the school. He is unrecognisable in a blonde wig and tight black dress.
Kru Aomsin
No accident stops Her from happiness and play Another round, yes?
Aomsin recently had a motorbike accident that smashed one of her front teeth but that didn’t get her down. She will always be the first to want to play UNO.
Kru China
Tag team with Gratae Keep fighting, fighting today Who talks the loudest?
China (pronounced Sheena) and Gratae appear to be best friends and once they are in a room together the volume is cranked to 11. This can be funny most times, but others, when trying to concentrate, becomes very distracting. One of China’s favourite phrases is to keep fighting.
Kru Feung Fah
A secret boyfriend The sporty type? Shy? Humble? Liaisons out of our sight
Feung Fah is a skinny, sporty girl that seeks to deny the fact she has a boyfriend for some reason. Her English is not the best but I can feel she has a good personality.
Teacher George
Good morning teacher Big smile, warm welcome, let’s go Seven-eleven
George greets everyone happily each morning, showing his face to let them know that he is here at school before quickly sneaking off to get coffee at his favourite cafe. Going out of school is not always accepted unless it is to the 7-11. So, whatever it is that needs to be done outside school, going to 7-11 is the default answer.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my creativity and ideas – they pushed me forward and I realise I can still do these things – even if I’m not very happy with them – I feel a little bit of that artistic streak again. It’s good. I’ve been writing a lot so I can combine that with presentation and push myself in new directions.
We all have to start somewhere. I was always interested in art at school because it appealed to the part of my brain that could utilise imagination rather than drier subjects that required adherence to some sort of order. Weirdly I did well enough in those subjects though. Anyway, art just felt like the easy pass.
Of course, painting wine bottles and flowers didn’t really appeal and I wasn’t mature enough or my imagination broad enough to conjure anything worthwhile. I think I actually ended up doing more artistic things at home more than in class. Two pieces particularly stick in my mind and I don’t recall doing either at school. My most prominent memory of my three years of art class was finishing off a bottle of vodka and leaving the bottle in the classroom for other people to draw in the future. That was first year of high school – we were 13 years old. 1980 or 1981.
Like the other times I’ve had to draw on my education, such as Maths and English tests when applying to University, I’ve been able to dig deep into my memory and apply myself somehow. So, now I’m sketching when I have the chance and I’m digging into those art lessons I honestly don’t remember anything. What I learned about perspective I got when studying photography back about 12 years ago and watching YouTube videos about pavement artists and force perspectives.
Now, what I really learned, and learned from punk rock and my mother, is about just doing it. Getting on and doing it. When I look at these sketches again I can see the imperfections, the incorrect spacing etc. But when I look with kindness I think, wow, that’s pretty good (for me!).
Rather than set my expectation too high and demand perfection or failure, I choose the middle ground. Do it, finish, move on.
These sketches are from my morning coffee spot, House. My enjoyment with these was due to the very strong perspective of all the straight lines in the room.
First sketch
After making each drawing I gave them to Guey, the owner, and, if working from a photo I took, deleted the photo so all I end up with is a digital file of my sketch. I will do the sketch within 30 minutes, not as a rule but more that I have found the feel and if I went any further I would be getting down into detail that would take it beyond a sketch. Through these 3 sketches (over 3 or 4 days) I could feel improvement each time and they made me really happy and gave me a small sense of achievement.
Second sketch
When I find some more free time and inspiration I will do more but I think I’m done with House now, though they have a cute dog and a challenging garden that would be fun to draw. Hmm….ok – tomorrow!
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I have been able to continue this gratitude journal app every day for more than a year now. I will switch to writing in a diary from now. I am so happy and grateful for the unusual big rain today and the fact that our roof holes that I plugged have held up fairly well – just a few leaks. Our plants will be happy for some water.
The best thing that happened today was being able to read whilst eating my lunch. I was late to eat so there was no one else around.
Other little nice things included many students being smiley and happy with me and trying to communicate as much as they could.
There’s a big storm hanging around today and there’s been a lot of rain. It’s funny – the dull drabness of the sky reminds me of England. Here it is a nice interlude to sunny warm days. In England, it would feel much more oppressive as those days would last for weeks on end.
Let’s make a list So we can feel like we’re accomplishing something So we can feel like we’re working together
Let’s sit in a circle adding to the list As we move around the room one by one As you make a suggestion begin sternly – you take no shit – To give credence to your semi-constructive argument
Tomorrow we’ll wonder where this generation Gets their priorities from Tomorrow my heart will skip a beat As it does every morning nine months of the year
It has to do with this list Before the bells even ring Before the hair is even combed
Will the approach ever change Or will it begin as I’ve said And end with a lighthearted twist To prove we’re all adults?
It has to do with this list Which we’ll put in our pockets To throw away at a later date
It has to do with this list Which makes me feel more uncomfortable Than I’ve ever felt More apple pie than I’ve ever been
We are not housewives, executives, or entrepreneurs We are teachers by trade, complainers by role
– Let’s Make a List by The Van Pelt
I really love the Van Pelt’s subdued musical tone and the singer’s talk-sing delivery. The lyrics here struck me deeply as these days, once again, I wake during the night thinking about how I could help this student or that student and really make a difference to their lives – if only there was enough time.
Let’s make a list So we can feel like we’re accomplishing something So we can feel like we’re working together
Lists and meetings – throwbacks to my office days – useless, endless, time-wasting meetings. Lists have their place but may also be overrated – yet here we are, in the absence of a better solution, doing the same so that we can feel like we are doing something. I like the playful sarcasm of these lines – it appeals directly to my Englishness.
Let’s sit in a circle adding to the list As we move around the room one by one
See that list, let’s mindlessly add to it – we are accomplishing a list. You’re turn next.
As you make a suggestion begin sternly – you take no shit – To give credence to your semi-constructive argument
If I speak louder then my information must be more important. Oops – there’s my own sarcasm manifest. I must also remember not to use this strategy when I’m teaching – or in every day communication, come to that. Recall the stereotype of shouting louder to non-English speakers in the misguided belief that this will help them understand.
Tomorrow we’ll wonder where this generation Gets their priorities from
I hate the kids! That’s what we are supposed to do, right? Yet, I don’t – I love them all very much – even the angry, lazy, nasty ones, the ones that remind me of myself. But I am not one of them and I shouldn’t expect them to bend to my equations, to live up to my expectations. That’s a useless frustration. I felt my grandparents look upon me in that tut-tutting way but my mother showed me and taught me to find my own way. It was the struggle I needed. It is the struggle I still endure and have learned to love.
Tomorrow my heart will skip a beat As it does every morning nine months of the year
Every day of school I have to pretend I am a teacher. I am purely a teacher based on my mother tongue and my age. But I consider myself a student first. When I feel joy at seeing the student’s grow – I see my own journey. I feel grateful to them for teaching me about myself.
Will the approach ever change Or will it begin as I’ve said And end with a lighthearted twist To prove we’re all adults?
These were the lyrics that really stood out when considering the education system in government schools in Thailand. I was told by other teachers that I would never be able to facilitate change in the system here. I took that as a coward’s statement. They chose the easy way, the way to not ruffle anyone’s feathers, to not take to task the inefficiencies that all can see. Even the students are aware of the low quality of education they receive and have made it part of the protest movement of this past year.
Anyway, the nail that sticks out gets hammered down and that is what had happened to me before here. But, the feathers were ruffled enough to make some change – I felt the sacrifice worth it and the lazy and noncommittal can benefit from it. Of course, there was no sweeping change to a utopia but patience will be rewarded. It may take another 100 years but I’d rather be a lit match that started a tiny fire than a bucket of water. I feel sorry for the kids – how can you hate them?
It has to do with this list Which we’ll put in our pockets To throw away at a later date
Ouch! Isn’t that the truth?
We are teachers by trade, complainers by role
Where do we get our priorities from?
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I’m taking the time to write gratitude letters to the people I work with. They have made my time teaching much more fun and interesting. I am so happy and grateful for the big tree outside our kitchen which brings a lot of shade. It has grown so quickly that last night we cut off some of the lower branches. It felt a little cathartic to cut and felt good to see the difference.
The best thing that happened today was talking with some of the M2 Chinese language students – they were all interested to talk and learn more about me and I advised them to never be lazy if they want to achieve their dreams. I told them that I am still a student and that we never stop learning.
I read more Notes From Underground but struggled a little bit to concentrate on it in the morning as I was thinking about Amy and how quiet she has been for the last couple of days. She is out tonight with Miche and I hope that picks her up a bit.
I chatted a little with Miche today and I like her. She is growing up and has gotten smarter since I first met her.
I look at my bookshelf and I just want to read, read, read!
I am so happy and grateful for my alarm to wake me up every day. I would be out of whack without it.
A reasonable day at work though not so much with my own students. My class is lazy, forgetful and undisciplined. I’m struggling to get them into line sometimes. I just have to find better ways to engage them – maybe vary their lessons a little bit.
I’m listening to a CD for the first time in ages as I’m writing this. Feels good to try and enjoy a whole album in one sitting for a change.
As usual, it doesn’t feel particularly Christmas-y though we do have a tree on our terrace with flashing lights. It’s cool. I think we should just have flashing lights all the time.
I’m looking at my bookshelf and happily overwhelmed with options of books to read. It seems that I only read 32 books last year which is fine but when I look at my bookshelf it seems like it will take me many years to get through what I own. I think my collector personality has moved onto books. I would love more time to sit and read. Read a good book.
Something nice that happened today was that I went to primary to talk to Chompoo about next semester and as soon as she saw me she smiled and held out her arms for a hug. I felt very grateful to have had at least some impact on these children’s lives. I asked her if she would rather work hard and learn more or take it easy and relax (not specifically about school) and I was so happy she chose to work hard – even if she didn’t mean it – it means she’s smart.
I certainly hope next year’s classes are less taxing than this year’s! All the kids make me laugh in one way or another and there are none that I don’t like – even if I sometimes don’t like their behaviour.
Nice dreams but don’t recall. Sleepy – wake up. Tired, learning time just now. Slow reactions.
Already thinking about class. It’s fine, I’m enjoying it. I’m enjoying everything. Keep going.
Get fit – don’t push it. Healthy body, healthy mind. Enjoy everything – there’s no time – there is lots of time. Full days, things get done. Balance. Washing and reading. Cleaning and music.
You did good. You do good. Chase away the snakes!
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be able to grab coffee at school, even though it is not tasty it does the job and gets me going.
To-do list
Compliments and awards ½
Savouring
Random act of kindness ✅
Thank you mantra ½
A good couple of days. I notice that I have been talking a lot – a little bit like I’m on a high and just want to talk about stuff and I’m hoping it’s not a bipolar type high that is followed by a low.
I woke up at around 5 am this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep because I was thinking about classes and students. I really don’t want to get so involved with them that it keeps me awake. I remember what it was like before when I was working in Primary. I’m really happy with all the positive interactions I have with the students – they make me laugh a lot.
We have Monday and Friday off, so another nice long weekend. Tomorrow I really want to take some time to savour something.
I am so happy and grateful for enjoying being at school and even a little disappointed that I’m not teaching today. But that is good too. Tomorrow I have to teach a lot!
To-do list
Awards x3
Compliments x3
Listen….speak (if necessary)
Now it’s the 15th of August and this journal has gone by the wayside for no real good reason that I can discern. It feels like it’s a time issue. Now that I am teaching on a more proper schedule maybe things feel a little more secure. I’ve not had or made time to think too much about things so some of the habits I’ve been trying to forge haven’t quite stuck yet – such as the awards.
I do find myself reminding myself about complimenting and I have been doing well with morning routines. One thing of concern is that though I have mostly been feeling extremely happy there have been a couple of occasions that I have felt extremely down too. I can think of specific incidents that caused that feeling but frustrated that I understand that they are minor and not in my control but I’ve been unable to control my own reaction and behaviour.
The plus on this is that I am well aware of my feelings and though I might tell myself that living is pointless, I know that these feelings will pass soon enough – and they always do.
I’ve moved this journal back to the bedroom in the hope I will write more often again – even if the entries are briefer. I know doing this practice is helpful.
1990 was 30 years ago! Crazy – I was a young man. Scribble dribble. Lazy but content.
Play video games – was okay but got a little bored. Movies. YouTube – okay but a little bored. No exercise, no writing, no thinking – that was okay. That was good. No thinking – just doing but need to think – keep a clear head.
Sore neck. Stretch it out, massage it. Back to school back to.… Plan some things to do. Use school free time for myself. What’s my new Twitter password? Brain blank – it’ll come… Is my mind this empty? – what’s in here? – foggy blur. Sit and meditate – that password will annoy me for sure.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be back at school. Even though I’m not doing much I started to get bored at home, despite there being lots of things to do there!
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