With the few words I write There’s just a chance you might Catch a splinter of me To guess my personality
But to draw conclusions From these brief allusions Would only go to show How little we both know
Yet every little simple rhyme Pieced together over time Forms a picture in your mind Tell me what it is you find
Today I’m feeling:
Average. Not good or bad, a little tired but not unenthusiastic. A little bored and out of sync. Missing routine and unable to manufacture my own.
(I got lazy for the rest of the day, savouring reading, eating and watching TV)
Today I’m grateful for:
(The idea that the cream puff guy usually sells at the market, which inspired me to get out of the house in search of him. He wasn’t there but I was still glad to get out.)
The best thing about today was:
(Being lazy and not caring!)
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
(See above)
Something I learned today?
(At the time, the English thought that though Australians were strong they were not brave and cut out to be soldier material, during the fighting in Gallipoli during the First World War. I found this odd as Australians still celebrate the bravery of the soldiers there. History can be shaped in any way necessary.)
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
(Continuing support for Anchan and Baipad, though I’m starting to feel a little helpless. They both must feel terrible.)
When do I feel most connected to others?
I feel weirdly connected with everyone that I know as if I saw them again after many years then nothing would have changed. This might be a problem as obviously everything has changed in that time.
It’s one of the reasons that I don’t contact people often (I’m quite happy by myself) though I do recognise that others won’t feel the same way.
I’m most connected with my students these days, again understanding that they are not connected with me in the same way. Talking and playing with students is when I feel most connected.
A bit agitated, deflated and flat today. Also, despite a drop in temperature (though not very significant) my body feels hotter than usual.
I got an hour or so of planning done this morning and perhaps having to do all this preparation is playing on my mind a little too.
I should also mention that last week I started taking a couple of multivitamins, a couple of resveratol and a couple of creatine supplements.
I am still cynical about their effectiveness in general but consider that I may be lacking certain things in my diet as I have been eating less for the last year or two.
So I’m not sure if it is because of the supplements or because it’s holiday time but I do feel like I have more energy and also feel less sleepy and tired. I guess I’ll find out more about their effectiveness when I get back into the swing of school again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The odd job man, recommended by Amy’s friend Hangie, who was as good as his word and came on time, replaced our roof tile (though not sure how securely!) and propped up our fence (which is definitely a temporary thing) at the corner of the garden. He only wanted 100 baht too. We gave him 200.
The best thing about today was:
Nothing in particular. My mood and energy picked up a little by the evening but not to the point of any real inspiration.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My mood was weird and unexplainable today. It wasn’t anything out of control just a general lack. Handled by soldiering on through the day.
Something I learned today?
My old student Kamboom will be in M4 (grade 10) next year (already!). She got top grades last year – she’s a good student, for sure. She wants to learn Japanese now.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
A lot of nice chats with a few of my grade 7 students just to check in to see how they are doing.
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
Besides our love for each other, which goes beyond our minor niggles with having lived together for 15 years or more, the first thing to mention is the love we have for our cats.
As we commemorate little Kim’s passing one year ago this week, we stress and worry about old man Cappuccino.
All our cats have gone through phases of being healthy and happy with periods of sick and sorry. Tigger seems to be in his healthy phase at the moment and has no complications from having HIV. We know when he doesn’t feel well because he usually never refuses food, fat furry fuck that he is!
For some reason, he has started talking more and become more affectionate recently. Maybe he knows that something is up with Cap and is trying to tell us?
Another thing that we have in common is our understanding of fidelity.
We both know that if we stray then that is the end of ‘us’. That suits us both.
I personally don’t believe in fidelity for everyone, or perhaps even at all. It doesn’t seem quite natural. It is a construct of our society. But it is something that I believe in doing for myself because I grew up in this society.
The third thing that we have in common is our way of thinking. I guess this follows on from the more specific issue of fidelity.
In our relationship, we are completely understanding of each other’s interests and passions and happily let each other indulge in them alone. Where many couples insist on being together all the time, we have never subscribed to putting each other through the tortures of enduring things like my music or her love of dancing to English 90s pop!
Since I’ve stopped drinking so much this has made it a little difficult for us to go together for a night out though I do submit from time to time.
I took this picture because I’m hoping that some of these mangoes get to their full potential this year. The whole tree is sprouting like never before. But a couple already got blown off by the storms over the last couple of nights.
Like time is running away too fast. I should not waste what I have been given. But is any of it worthwhile? Well, it has to be. I convince myself.
Today I’m grateful for:
The man at the bottle shop who put the tray of soda water onto the back seat of the truck for me.
The best thing about today was:
Taking Baipad and her neighbour Butter (another one, a boy this time, though quite effeminate) up to the University to teach them to ride a motorbike.
Baipad struggled but Butter picked it up quickly. It was only after talking with them both a little more I discovered that Butter had learned how to ride a pushbike but Baipad never did. Butter still has a bike so I told Baipad to practice on that as soon as possible. Better she falls off that than a motorbike.
After a few more goes Baipad improved every time but she needs to practice more to get her balance worked out.
Something I learned today?
The current Zionist-enforced famine in Gaza is the highest number of people ever recorded as facing catastrophic hunger. Worse than Darfur, Somalia and Yemen.
Israel teaching the world how to genocide. The irony?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I fixed the hose with the new connector that Amy picked up. Works perfectly again.
Teaching riding a motorbike to a couple of 15-year-olds.
What’s one thing I can simplify?
I have simplified a lot over the last few years. As my main focus now is teaching I think that I could simplify my classes for my students, though more importantly for myself.
Sometimes I overestimate the ability of my students and with the usual disparity of skill levels in a single classroom it is a delicate balance to try and keep everyone happy.
I took this picture because one day these kids will look back and remember when they didn’t know how to ride a bike.
Much improved. Almost normal even! Is it a psychological trait of mine? A mental quirk? Does my brain make me feel ill when there are things that I’m supposed to do that I really can’t be fucked to do?
And now, Sunday – usually the day before going back to work (which I love when there are students at school and detest when there aren’t and we are there just because we are supposed to be) but tomorrow is the first day of the holiday. Has circumstance suddenly tricked me into feeling well?
It’s also weird to be annoyed at having five weeks holiday this year, a week more than last year, and this is because it is the worst time of year here for air pollution and five weeks in October would be so much more preferable. But like I say it’s weird to be bothered about having extra holiday time!
Today I’m grateful for:
Uncle Nit next door who is helping us sort out some extra work that we need to connect up our drainage to the new drains being added under the widened road.
Uncle also told us that he’s never seen anything come out of our drain so I’m not exactly sure where our wastewater even goes.
The best thing about today was:
Getting this message from one of my grade 10 students Miwkey:
I am impressed and enjoy learning in the teacher’s lesson. Since I studied with foreign teachers, I have never met a teacher like you. I’ve only encountered foreign teachers who use their emotions towards their students while not paying attention to the lessons they teach in the classroom.
I kind of understand what she means – I think there are many teachers who don’t and sometimes can’t actually assist with explaining some things and just tell the students that they are stupid and should figure it out for themselves. Sigh.
I do also ask them to figure things out for themselves but I’m going to guide them with effective methods that they can remember and reuse.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst at Utopia Amy called me to pick up some veggies at the market. When I got back she saw them and exclaimed ‘Noooo, not that one! Go back now!’
Luckily I was in a good mood and quickly went back and got the correct ones.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
More encouragement for students via LINE.
What word or phrase sums up this month?
Tired would pretty much be it. Is it that I’m tired after this busy school year? Because I invest so much of myself into it emotionally? It’s not really been that busy since Christmas.
Perhaps it’s a combination of that and missing the kids, the heat and air pollution and not really having any plans to go anywhere.
But I did feel better today at least.
Amy took this picture because she wanted to show off her tamarind eggs. Unfortunately, she got a crazy teacher in the shot too!
Super tired again. Yesterday I managed to resist an afternoon nap and I got to sleep OK, until Cap kept crying to go in and out of the bedroom and then to be fed. Happy to know that he has his appetite but I just want to sleep more!
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy and her family deciding to go for a fish lunch out in the rice fields. It was good to do something different though it was funny that they decided on the restaurant that Bruno and I went and tried as we were riding by a year or two ago.
Also to Kru Karn who offered me her shelf space in the teacher’s room to keep my things. I’ll do that for now but may move it to somewhere more suitable later.
The best thing about today was:
Reading more about the British Empire in Africa. It was interesting to read that there were people who abhorred the colonial treatment of other human beings at the time. Interesting in that nothing much has changed, sadly.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I haven’t been able to do any more lesson planning as I haven’t been able to get more information from Kru Mai about my classes yet. It’s a little frustrating as it is what we are supposed to be doing this week and now it means I will have to do more in the actual holiday time.
When I went to school just before lunch I found lots of people cleaning out the office space for Kru Puu who will stay in there in future. Unfortunately, this means moving my stuff out from there and also not being able to use it for one-to-one speaking exercises anymore. A lot of student’s work that I was keeping to look at later was also missing, presumably thrown out. Oh well. Nothing stays the same.
Something I learned today?
I just got sent a video by Noey. It was of me riding the wrong way at the traffic lights (to save time) as I was out getting a tub of ice cream at the 7-11. She must have been on her bike at the traffic lights going in the other direction.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I messaged a few more students today and had little conversations of encouragement with them.
I took this picture because this was the view from our restaurant table at lunch time.
Tired and phlegmy. Coughing lots from my chest and struggling to breathe a little too. May succumb to an afternoon nap today! I’m saying that and it’s not even 8 am.
Today I’m grateful for:
Yukari for sending me all the Limited Express CDs that I’m missing, along with some extra things to check out. Sadly I couldn’t avoid paying the customs tax without it becoming a big pain in the ass to deal with. Never mind. You win some, you lose some.
The best thing about today was:
Spending the morning at House blogging and writing. And drinking coffee.
Also, in the afternoons recently, when I’m home I catch up by adding blog posts from 1998, capturing emails, that I miraculously saved to text files at the time, of conversations with TLJ. They’re a trip to revisit again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst I managed to push through the afternoon without a nap, I ran out of energy, needing to eat, before getting to practice guitar and now, after eating I feel lazy and sleepy and will probably get an early night (of reading!)
Something I learned today?
A student (Min) that I never taught but would often chat to around school told me that now she has finished high school she will go to Maejo University in Chiang Mai to study business and hopes to possibly get into real estate. Not a bad goal to aim for. I wished her luck.
Amy and I are considering buying the land next door to us as with the road widening going on and more construction in the area, prices are being pushed up. It could be a good time to invest but it’s also a risk.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent a few messages to various students to see what they are up to during the holidays. Keep them practising English a little and trying to come up with responses beyond ‘eat, sleep, play game’!
Who determines the state of us turtles? Is it those that pump poison into my home? As if there is not enough for us to deal with Better you didn’t exist and left us all alone
A little better. I started to feel almost ok after eating some dinner last night. I wasn’t really hungry but ate anyway and glad that I did. I struggled with sleep again last night but don’t feel too tired yet; I know that I really need to push through today and not take a nap so that I can enjoy a good sleep tonight. Right now – 8 am – I feel like I have the start of a cold or flu again, much like I did last week. So despite feeling better than I did on Saturday, I’m still on the edge.
Today I’m grateful for:
The hospital being close by and able to see Amy for whatever allergy is bothering her skin at 9 pm. Hopefully, it’s nothing serious but best for her to get checked as she has had attacks from allergies before.
The best thing about today was:
Playing lots of guitar although much of it was frustrating as I haven’t played much this week and I can notice the struggle I am having to get my coordination working again.
Something I learned today?
I learned what a cherita is in poetry. I will give this a go sometime. I’m currently thinking about a cascading poem using a nomeansno lyric as a starting point.
Cherita (pronounced CHAIR-rita) is a linked poetry form of one-, two- and three-line stanzas.
Cherita is the Malay word for “story” or “tale”.
A cherita consists of a one-line stanza, followed by a two-line stanza, and then finishing with a three-line stanza.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I talked a little bit with my student Earn again and gave her some more encouragement as she figures out who she is and where she is going in her life. As usual, it’s wonderful to watch these kids grow and mature.
How do I practice self-care on a busy day?
My days are mostly made busy by self-care! Over the last few years, I have been bringing self-care to the forefront of my mind and I no longer mean this in a selfish way (as I might have done in the past).
My days are generally not that busy so the remaining time is taken up with self-care in the form of reading, writing, relaxation and thinking. On a busy day, the actions are the same. Each space must be filled with thought that ensures care for one’s self (along with everyone around).
I took this picture because the school cat Garfield was waiting for cuddles and rubs this morning.
A little rundown. I slept a little earlier than usual and when Tigger woke us up at 5am, crying with the sunlight, I reset my alarm to skip my exercise.
When I woke I was still sleepy and soon realised I had stuffy nose and a little sore throat. I think it is from the air pollution but I’m hoping it doesn’t turn into a cold.
I think the air pollution is also contributing to the tiredness as it perhaps inhibits enough oxygen intake and though not noticeable as the day goes by it could be having that effect.
Today I’m grateful for:
The little story I wrote below about Ozone and friends.
The best thing about today was:
The good mood of the students that were at school and then the four hour break I was able to take between classes to do some reading, writing, studying and thinking.
Something I learned today?
Whilst watching the video yesterday about RipX DAW there was mention of AI music makers so I’m giving one a go right now, Suno.ai.
The ‘punk’ option is generic pop punk which I could guess at. Trying to see if I can get anything weird out of it next.
Hmm – nope. But I don’t think that is all the fault of the AI but me not knowing how to use the prompt correctly to get what I want.
I may try again later. I also may not….
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
BB ran up to me this morning saying ‘Help me, help me’ and she pulled down her mask to show half an earring sticking out from her nose! She wanted me to push it in for her!
I gave it a little push but couldn’t stand to think that I was causing her pain so told her to keep trying by herself. I tried to find a needle for her later but to no avail.
She eventually gave up and decided to go to the shop to get it done. Probably for the best!
Monkey girl Sarah was playing with Ozone’s wallet so I held out my hand and Sarah gave me all the notes folded up in there. Then she unzipped the coin section and I held my hand again and she handed me all the coins. Ozone was watching all this but didn’t complain too much, until I left with all her money in my pocket.
I went back to my classroom and Sarah appeared a couple of minutes later trying to get the money back but I sat down and held my hands over my pockets. They begged and tickled and fought with me but I wouldn’t give the money back. Eventually I agreed to go back and hand the money back to Ozone directly.
She was sitting in her classroom talking with her friend and I jokingly told her that I already gave the money to Sarah. Sarah screamed that I was lying and we all laughed as I pulled out the money and handed it back.
Afterwards, I was thinking about this little game and realised that Ozone, Sarah and all feel that they can trust me. They know that it is just a game and that everything will turn out right.
Sarah took this picture yesterday and this is another monkey in her class, Praewa. Praewa came to my grade 7 class today to be with her boyfriend and it occurred to me that KanomBang from that class is a younger version of Praewa. She is a little more restrained but playful in a fun way and comfortable to play with me.
My lower back is sore from sitting in the cinema for three hours and this morning a bit of tooth, or porcelain (I don’t know what is mine anymore) broke off whilst eating yoghurt and has left it very sensitive.
I have an appointment on Thursday anyway so hopefully I can hold on until then.
Today I’m grateful for:
The positive feedback that I’m getting on some of my poetry. I’m also grateful to have found many prompt pages and ideas around poetry forms which I’m enjoying trying out.
The best thing about today was:
Watching a group of various students, some of whom I knew, bonding together as there are few students around this week. They were bonding by playing truth or dare and a drinking game, though with an assortment of soft drinks, of course.
Still, it is obvious to me where that idea will lead. What can I say, that’s what we all did at that age. You live and learn, hopefully without anything untoward happening.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
It was a little annoying that all my first class turned up in the classroom this morning which meant I had to stay around for a while and babysit them, though I took time to visit the other classrooms too.
All of them were lazily playing on their phones or making up their own ideas of fun.
I managed to get out about 30 minutes early at least.
Something I learned today?
Britain mocked France and Egypt when they were building the Suez Canal until they realised what a benefit it was for them to be able to get to India two months quicker than previously, in case there was another uprising there.
When Egypt soon came unstuck and wanted to sell its share in the canal, Britain eagerly snapped it up.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I offered some emotional support to Praew who has become slightly isolated in her class recently.
Also to Kwang who told me that her mum, who is in Bangkok somewhere, has blocked her phone calls. I don’t think there is any animosity in it but it must suck to know that your mum is too occupied with other things to take your calls.
I took the motorbike for a little ride, sticking in some petrol and charging up the battery a little for Amy as she wanted to go to the market tonight but hasn’t been able to use the bike since it needing to be kick-started on its back stand. She’s too little to pull the bike up onto it though I reckon she could if she really needed to.
What is one thing I want to learn more about?
I’m watching a video about RipX DAW and reminded that I still need to learn more about using a DAW, particularly the one I already paid for (Ableton Live – which has been so long since I tried it that I had to look up what it was called!) and bought a midi keyboard to use with it.
I’m really interested to do it but can see that it involves a lot of time investment that I don’t really have enough of at the moment.
Sarah took this picture of Ozone because she stole my phone out of my pocket as Praewa dragged me off to dance on the other side of the room. As she filled up my phone with pictures I only found three worth saving at the end of the day.
Inspired by news this morning that one of my young female students didn’t come home last night and was seen drunk posting on Instagram. Her name is connected with the poem’s title.
Like all my troublesome students, she reminds me of myself at that age. We fail to see that others want to help us and believe that we know better.
I hope she is safe and that the title doesn’t become a reality.
Today I’m feeling:
Super tired. I slept for about ten hours and when I woke up Amy started asking me questions and I could feel that my brain wasn’t working yet. I couldn’t think what to say!
The air is thick this morning and the mountains are barely visible, my nose blocked and bloody. I guess all the talk of countering the air pollution this year can’t overcome the actual problem. Let’s pray for rain, for all the good that prayer has ever done.
Today I’m grateful for:
An evening out for a change, trying this new restaurant Friendcation. It’s a fancy, expensive, beautiful place. The owners obviously have money though we can’t see how they can make profit yet. Chiang Rai isn’t quite ready yet but in the future they could be perfectly placed to do well.
The best thing about today was:
Reading more about British colonialism in the afternoon. I’m really enjoying this book, though it is hard going with the language used. Once I get into the rhythm of it though I don’t want it to end.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy and I left the restaurant at about 10:45 and Amy wanted to go to The Hideout Bar to check it out.
I was just tired and wanted to come home though. I didn’t see the point in us having to go tonight when we can go there at any other time to check it out.
As I was the driver I came home and listened to Amy complaining to along the way.
Something I learned today?
I heard that Pang made it home after her friends heard that the police were going to get involved. Not sure what the fallout from this will be.
I took this picture because this was the pleasant Mediterranean garden environment for our dinner this evening,
1994ever 