Tag: Tangmo

Too Long Jack – 16th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 17 Comments

Those words came to me each night
But I could find no pen to write
Wondering what it is you do
Since those times we once knew

Racing hearts and chasing dreams
Of racing carts and laser beams
The world was ours for the taking
Or to be born of our making

Pages wait for this ink’s touch
What to say, there’s just too much
I hope you recall all we did
Loving the slippery slopes we slid

19th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Perspective
28th May 2025- Shared with dVerse – regret. I often write about this specific event in my life, though my feelings are complicated. It felt to me inevitable, so I wouldn’t describe it so much as regret. I thought I’d try to write more specifically for this prompt, but I don’t have the inspiration for the short timeline. This poem is more of a look back and nostalgic and so is filled with some hope.

Today I’m feeling:

Happy but a little agitated. I feel like I should have achieved more than I have.

Today I’m grateful for:

Mum’s soup in the freezer. She made this batch ages ago but I haven’t had to eat for all the time Amy was here. With a bit of salt and pepper along with some Oasis dried gluten, I felt like a master chef. Thank you microwave.

The best thing about today was:

Tangmo brought his friend to play in our garden whilst I was watering and they ran and rolled and tumbled with each other in doggy joy. The new dog is nervous but I was almost able to pet him this time. I didn’t push it though.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today was Teachers’ Day at school where monks come and do some chanting and speeches are given, awards presented etc. The event ran on Thai time and I was hoping to get out by 10 but things were still bumbling along at 11. I was entertaining myself by talking with David and Gus for a while, reading articles and playing poker on my phone.

I did get away and home by midday though.

Something I learned today?

I listened to a reasonable discussion between two Americans living in China discussing current affairs and got to hear a slightly different perspective on events there. I tend to ignore Western media commentary on China but I am aware that I do focus on the opposite and enjoy hearing positive things about China.

This discussion (Sinicism podcast) made me consider things differently and I’ll check out more.

Write about a few of your favourite family traditions?

As a son, we didn’t have any traditions in particular. I guess when we lived with my grandparents we always had Sunday lunch together and I can recall at Christmas, the relatives would come for lunch.

As a father, I’ve not really continued or fostered any tradition at all. Bronwyn is from a large family and any traditions would be held on that side of Hayden’s family. There used to be big family get-togethers that I would sometimes attend even when I was divorced, also taking Kyoko with me. I don’t think Amy ever went though and it’s possible I stopped going by then too.

I took this picture because it was unusual to see Tigger sitting in the middle of the lawn. It’s like he was savouring the sunrise and sucking up the goodness of the sun’s rays. Kim meanwhile had already buried herself under the bedsheets for her 8-10 hour daily nap.

Dead Fred – 9th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a baggy-eyed business
This thinking of words
Hoping just sleeping
On the line with the birds

A birthday party is humming
A familiar feeling of lack
It’s an obscene affair
But those words are coming back

based on Nick Cave’s Red Hand Files #217

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed and happy

Today I’m grateful for:

The bathroom at House. I had to go into the city after drinking coffees and water at House and in the time from leaving to heading back school I was busting. I didn’t think I’d make it to school so quickly ducked back to use the bathroom at House – just in time!

The best thing about today was:

Eating the bread that Nut made and brought round yesterday along with the smoked salmon and cream cheese Amy left here. I’m so happy to have people around me to feed me!

Also talking with Amy on video call. Though she’s far away it feels like she’s right here. Conversation and communication hasn’t changed since she left, just the method.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I think it’s good that it’s getting harder to think of things that were out of my control. I don’t recognise those things so easily now as they don’t affect me, I’ve let go. Sure, there was lots that was out of my control today but it was all inconsequential. Can I say they were handled without even thinking?

Something I learned today?

Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken was written as a jest to his friend but has been turned, rightfully I think, into a call for individualism and taking chances. I like Frost’s quip ‘I’m never more serious than when I’m joking.’ Truth is often told in jest.

Where can you reduce clutter in your life?

Physically I’m relatively uncluttered these days. As I’ve gotten older, the spaces I’ve lived in have gotten bigger whilst I’ve been buying less. So the stuff I do have is just more spread out. Digitally I’m trying to reduce the clutter of my photos and music library. This has involved me doing nothing so far but knowing that this is where I can reduce clutter in my life.

I took this picture on Saturday because it’s all about the edges. Where the water meets the land, dividing it, where stories are made and bridges built. The mountains and the sky, clear division.

First full school day with no Amy. Back to business as usual.

Running around a little today getting together things for my work permit. So much paper waste in Thailand. 7 copies of every stamped passport page! Once this paper is filed it will never be seen again.

Good classes today, kids happy enough, teacher happy enough. I’m starting to sit back a little and can see some self-motivation from some of the students now.

Mum and Dad’s plumbing guy came and fixed up my pipe and it looks ok except for the hole in the concrete. I’ll have to figure out how to take care of it at some point I guess. Maybe just fill it with sand. Anyway, only around 600 baht to sort out. Happy with that.

Tangmo rolled around the grass as I caught up on watering.

Talked to Amy about the coming year and how things might work out. I think the seed has been planted to do something here but there are another 6-12 months for new ideas to pop up.

Vehicle Residency – 6th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The dream was to own two
Kept in a suburban home
Now you’re lucky to have one
And live in it alone

Man’s never-ending greed
Entitled to go too far
Is a dream slipping away
As you’re living in your car

“Blending experimental and post-punk moods with distorted, feedback-laden guitar riffs, both bands arrive in with frenetic energy, driving their songs forward with a pounding intensity and almost eerie atmosphere. The vocals are raw, aching, and powerful, delivering the lyrics with a sense of urgency and emotion characteristic for screamo bands, building to a climax with layers of abrasive noise and a wall of sound that is both chaotic and exhilarating.” – idioteq.com

For 10″ vinyl purchase go here:
norseband.bandcamp.com/album/split-w-abandoncy (Europe/world)
newkneerecords.bandcamp.com (US)

and also check out all our other partner labels:

www.konodischi.com
shoverec.bandcamp.com
vinarecords.com
longrailrecords.bandcamp.com

Today I’m feeling:

Happy, busy, winding down. It’s been a busy week and has culminated in an empty house again as Amy left this morning. Now I’m listening to music and thinking about how to motivate myself back into a solo routine again.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Champ and my boss Nancy, who, separately, both told me I was a great teacher. I appreciate hearing that as sometimes I doubt myself.

The best thing about today was:

Playing Takraw with some students for a little while. We were all equally terrible at it but we were laughing every few seconds.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It’s been a very busy but unstressful day and nothing is coming to mind that was out of my control. Days like this are very nice though a little disturbing as I could slip into an orgasmic coma. Good days are a drug, always looking for it, chasing it, in its grip.

Something I learned today?

Amy showed me the online seller that has better prices on cat food than the ones I found. It’s gotten really expensive recently and everywhere has run out of stock. Amy was able to order and see that it was packed and on its way almost immediately. I’ll believe it when it turns up!

What’s your favourite Mexican food?

I think just vegetarian nachos. I find the Mexican food I’ve tried all tastes similar but just with a variety of textures. You can’t go wrong with vegetarian – cheese, beans, guacamole, sour cream, spicy sauce. There’s a Mexican restaurant here in Chiang Rai and thinking about this has got me hungry to go again!

I took this picture because this poor old smelly lovely dog just loves our house! The auntie who owns him says he sits on their porch always looking at our house, sometimes too impatient to know what’s going on and coming over to sit on our porch. Today he even barked at his own family as they were in the field next to our house.

One Time Phenomenon – 4th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Unique DNA makes you
What you are
Primal inclinations
Forces within
Moved to action
Mind grows
A seed planted
One time phenomenon

Inspired and borrowed from The Daily Laws by Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but happy and satisfied.

Today I’m grateful for:

The pizza oven at Bruno and Nut’s for quickly baking delicious pizza for me, Amy, mum and dad. Nut had prepared the dough and ingredients and we made our own pizza toppings. Bruno enjoyed talking with Amy’s dad and got us all invited to their home for a Chinese New Year celebration in a few weeks time.

The best thing about today was:

Seeing Tangmo and his friend running, playing and rolling around on our lawn as I was eating breakfast. It made me smile, these stupid crazy dogs having fun at our house. Just a few seconds later they were gone and I saw them running up the street in the distance.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The way I structured my last class of the day meant many students could take advantage and do as little work as they wanted but they needed to be ready when they were called. As it was the end of the day some students were keen to leave early and eventually when I called the next student they weren’t there, even though the class wasn’t over. I was a little disappointed but not surprised anymore. I was able to get some useful work out of maybe 60% of them and that would have to be as good as it was going to get. I need to think about a better way to keep the ‘free’ students occupied whilst I’m busy with others. I’m still a work in progress myself. Always learning.

Something I learned today?

Nut had prepared an Akha herb that I’d never tried before. It looked a little like a mini-sized mint and tasted a little like rocket with a hint of something which I’m not quite sure of. It was nice to munch on and add to the top of the pizza.

List three of your “greatest hits” from last year.

Greatest hits….? Hmm… In fact, a quick reflection doesn’t seem to generate any greatest hits particularly and I think that is a better place to be in. Having hits or highs would also mean having lows and I’d much prefer not to have those these days. But at a push…

  1. Riding around the rice fields behind the airport was nice, especially at golden hour. I did a few trips there during the October holiday and really felt serene.
  2. Another bike ride around the same time of year, this time with Bruno and across many mountains to the Burmese border and hanging out at a country school there.
  3. Meeting, befriending and watching my new groups of students. Seeing them learn and grow even a little was very rewarding.
I took this picture because Fon brought her handmade cookies last night but I only saw them today. This is a great one of me from a picture taken just a couple of days ago. I bet I taste good too.

Amy and I went to Bruno and Nut’s for pizza dinner and Amy’s mum and dad joined too, Bruno’s invite. Despite being tired from lack of sleep I was in a good mood, even joking with Amy’s dad a little. It was quite noticeable to me that I felt different to usual and I couldn’t be too sure why?

It was a lively evening of talk, Bruno and I talking a little about European politics which I really don’t know so much about. I felt it was nice to be away from all that where we can just casually chat about things that don’t affect us directly like they used to.

Dog tired at home and into bed and wonderful vivid dreams, I woke up to pee at one point, happy knowing that I could enjoy some more lucid dreaming again before falling back into a deeper sleep. That’s one way to be positive about broken sleep I suppose!

Tonight is Amy’s last night here before heading back to Australia and I likely won’t see her again for six months. I’ll miss her but we are both happy and love each other. Time is nothing.

In This House – 26th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

The open door
Inviting

Fresh air and
Foreigners

(Presents under the
Tree)

Coffee fills this
Place

Two cups then
Go

*format from The Red Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams
Submitted to Writer’s Workshop

Every path is the right path. Anything might have been anything else and had just as much meaning to it.

Tennessee Williams

Today I’m feeling:
Happy, a little tired from noisy classes
Today I’m grateful for:
The salad seller at the market again. Amy told me she would be out for dinner when I got home so I rode off to the market not sure what I would decide to have and this time I went back to the salad which I haven’t had for a while now. It was great.
The best thing about today was:
Having fun in my classes despite the kids being noisy and lazy. I made Nam and Aoi laugh when they sometimes get angry with me pushing them. Goya was loud and hard-working and enjoying things and at the end, Gam happily stayed back to finish her work whilst I played around with Fah who was waiting for her.
In the morning I helped Dena, Nicha and Namkhing individually with some reading and sent the top 4 off to investigate and prepare for our scavenger hunt which we should have on Wednesday if all goes to plan. I think that I’ve got my mind in the right place for these kids now.
I also found out today that we have Friday and Monday off for the new year holiday. Cool!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The kids in the morning were particularly noisy so I moved a few of them around which helped for a while. As I was trying to help them with reading and pronunciation most were just talking with each other so I stopped and told them I wouldn’t help them anymore and to record themselves reading the passage. I almost lost it but distracted myself by talking with the top 4 as described above, so at least I still felt useful. Slowly students started to come and ask for my help, realising they should have been listening before. They all did it and did it well enough in the end. There are different ways to get to the destination.
Something I learned today?
Tangmo has got a new friend and decided to bring them here tonight. I thought it was ‘Mo on the terrace but then saw it was a slightly thinner shape and when I went to open the door it ran off. Later I went out to see if it was still around when I thought I saw it in the darkness but then Tangmo ran out to me. I went to get the rope for him and then saw the other dog cautiously nearby. It wouldn’t come close but was curious. I threw the rope for ‘Mo who collected it and then ran out with it, then to chase the new dog up the road and out of sight with the rope flowing behind him from his mouth…probably never to be seen again! The rope, that is. Dopey ‘Mo will be back tomorrow wondering why I have no rope to play with anymore.
What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?
I’m not sure that I’m holding on to anything these days. I’ve let go of most things that have caused me trouble, often, maybe too often, by avoidance or running away, but now just by forgiveness and forgetting. I don’t make other people’s problems mine anymore.
Sometimes I still hold on to the point that I should be trying to stuff as much information into my student’s heads as possible and whilst that may be suitable for one or two kids it doesn’t lead to harmony in the classroom. So I do usually let that go anyway.

I took this picture because I want to remember the view when leaving home. This house has been more of a home for me than anywhere else but still, it’s hard to appreciate it whilst living here. Homes are often created through nostalgia and the memories of everything that occurred there. One day I may look at this photo and think about all the things that I was part of here, which may as simple as reading in the hammock, eating on the terrace or managing the garden.

Squash – 18th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Some days feel so full of lack
And nothing goes right at all
Remember that you’ll be bouncing back
Just like a small black rubber ball

It is only when you meet someone of a different culture from yourself that you begin to realise what your own beliefs really are.

George Orwell, The Road To Wigan Pier

Today I’m feeling:
Good but a little frustrated.
Today I’m grateful for:
The couple of orders I received for tenzenmen products after a quick promo post a couple of days ago. I don’t sell much these days but I appreciate everyone who shows interest.
The best thing about today was:
Playing with Tangmo with the rope as I went off to the post office and market and him proudly running off and presenting the rope to the aunties back home. When I came back I rode up and collected it from auntie Sue and we both chuckled. Tangmo had gone off in search of other adventures by that time.
Daily thought
How are you going to remember to keep fighting when the storm is around you? Running away is the easy option and sometimes serves a purpose but how are you to calm yourself down in the heat of the moment and carry on?
What is your “grit” word?
A ‘grit’ word? Is this a thing now? A word to remind yourself to keep going? I could have done with that today. After leaving my class early because I was annoyed by the attitude of some students, I talked with Saipan later (she is one of the smarter, motivated ones) and told her I wasn’t happy with the classes behaviour today and she just looked at me and said ‘keep fighting ‘ like she was a wise old auntie. Keep fighting or ‘su-su’ in Thai is what everyone says to a complaint and in my mind, there’s an underlying implication of ‘shut up and get on with it.’ Maybe this is my grit word.

Someone took this picture because they need a friendly foreign face for the school promotional material and it was my turn. I seem to be looking off to the side but at least my eyes are open! The girl is JubJib, a smart one in my class who I can’t really teach as her skills far surpass many of the other students whose level I have to teach to.

The Teenage Hand Hold – 9th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We held hands, sweaty palms
But that didn’t stop our walk
We circled the lake three times
Lost in the nonsense of our talk

Nervous about our steps
We never looked at each other’s eyes
We left unsaid many thoughts
For other times to realise

Could this time go on forever?
We’ll live it over until our ends
Remember that time at the lake
When we became best of friends?

Our external searching and perpetual information hunting (and hoarding) are all ways of avoiding an answer disguised as earnestly searching for the answer.

Thomas J Bevan

Today I’m feeling:
am: tired pm: happy
Today I’m grateful for:
Brian Walsby, his art and Manchild books which I’m almost finished reading having owned them for about 10 years already. We seem to have gone through a lot of similar experiences in our formative years. I guess a lot of us into punk in the early 80s all did in some way or other.
The best thing about today was:
Overcoming my tiredness in the morning and ending up really enjoying the day. Classes went well and I felt as if I was really connecting with some of the students.
Daily thought
Are we still the same as our 14-year-old selves?
I think we all carry forward parts of our youthful follies despite wisdom received since but we cannot be the same. Some of that wisdom pays off.
How would you design the city of the future?
Damn, don’t let me do that. I would employ someone who knew what the hell they were doing! This question though reminds me of the ideas of Jacque Fresco who seemed to conceive of better ways for cities to be organised.

I took this picture because it’s nice when Tangmo wants to come and play for a bit. He doesn’t play so much now, he’s not a teenager anymore I suppose.
I’ve been forgetting to look out for photo opportunities these last few days and this one is from a couple of weeks ago.

Child As Philosopher – 8th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Kid, you got a question?
A minor fleeting thought?
Shout it to the crowd
Demand yourself an answer
Revise what you’ve been taught
Thinking aloud allowed

Thinking aloud allowed is a motto at our school. That’s not to say it happens though.

To waste your time in battles not of your choosing is more than just a mistake, it is stupidity of the highest order.

Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:
Average. Tired.
Today I’m grateful for:
Tangmo coming for a quick visit when I came home. I always enjoy his unconditional interest and acceptance when he’s here. He’s not so needy now and sits patiently outside until he gets bored and goes home.
The best thing about today was:
A quick snooze after coming home at lunchtime where I never got into a deep sleep but enjoyed some lucid dreaming.
Daily thought
Are you lucky?
I don’t believe in luck as such though good fortune may come my way from time to time. So, I may be lucky but it’s just random. I also try to look at many situations as being of good fortune even if they seem otherwise. In this sense then, yes I am lucky.
If you could interview one person from the past, who it would be? Why?
Now my mum has gone I often think about questions I’d like to ask her. I guess I would have lots of questions for my dad too, having no memory of him. I would love to talk to Steve again too. Perhaps this question is supposed to be answered along the lines of proposing someone famous historically. I think the people I am interested in historically hold that place because of what they themselves have already written and left behind as their legacy so there’s not much left for me to ask them. Asking why someone made such and such a decision won’t really change the situation as it is today.
But then as I’m thinking more, perhaps Lee Harvey Oswald. His story never got heard leaving somewhat of a mystery that has fascinated people for the last 60 years. Ultimately though it wouldn’t affect anything really.

I took this picture because this big lizard was making a racket outside the door. I chased him around to the other side of the house where I can still hear him asking for rain.

Doing It Again – 12th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We’re making the mistakes all over again
It seems that we’ll never learn
Forgetting that setting the world on fire
Means you’ll have to watch it burn

History won’t help if we soon forget
The lessons it helped us learn
Don’t be afraid to let the past go
When it’s someone else’s turn

6th Nov 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – vote

Our moral thinking is much more like a politician searching for votes than a scientist searching for truth.

Jonathan Heidt, The Righteous Mind

Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s mum and dad coming over in the morning with jump leads so that I could start my car and get to work before my first class. Also to Fui for supplying a new battery with a minor discount.
The best thing about today was:
Being with my lovely annoying students again. I love them all in their own ways.

I took this picture because Tangmo is a lovely smelly droopy-eyed dopey dog who loves to come and visit to get strokes and biscuits.

Laugh Or Cry – 31st August 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry
I don’t know, who, when, what or why
Spent my days in endless frustration
A victim of a worthless education

Now I’m at school on the other side
All the things I learned being applied
And frustrated kids look up with empty eyes
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry

The people who get on in theis world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.

George Bernard Shaw

Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to share my abundant fruits with other people. The papaya is delicious but I can’t eat six of them!
The best thing about today was:
A quick ride along back roads and tracks to Bruno’s reminded me of times riding my motorbike in Dorset as a teenager. The green overhanging fauna down dirty muddy tracks and lanes. The smell of fresh oxygen mixed with distant smoky garden fires. I was transported, if only for a moment.

I took this picture because I found these two ‘good boys’ far from their home on my morning walk and they followed me all the way back.