Flow – challenging but attainable goals – strong focused concentration – intrinsically rewarding – feeling of serenity – loss of self-consciousness – timelessness/lose track of time – lack of awareness of physical needs – complete focus on the activity
How to achieve flow? – Doing challenging leisure!
extrinsic = external intrinsic = internal
extrinsic motivation can undermine intrinsic motivation and growth mindset Growth mindset – focus on learning not outcomes – good performance takes hard work – hard work is good – effort = good – make the most of deficiencies – capitalise on mistakes – no decrease in internal motivation – performance increases over time
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the sunrise in the morning and prepare myself for the new day.
The choice of being horribly depressed or incredibly liberated is up to you.
Neil Pasricha
To-do list
Book flights after school. ½
Cut down on feeds – focus on Stoicism. ✅
Be more curious today – learn more about someone. ✅
Do not complain! Do not complain! ✅
Random act of kindness. ½
Finally, the English camp is over. I decided to sit and talk with Aiza a little as we’d never really been introduced.
At the coffee shop, there were some Japanese tourists and I held the door for them and said ‘Oaskini doso’ much to their surprise. They were very happy and it made me feel good.
I was very conscious of not complaining about anything today and may have succeeded. And in a big effort, I managed to book most of the flights for the WDS tour. A beautiful Sichuan hot pot to complete the day.
The only downside is the feeling that Amy is not so happy at the moment – she is always annoyed or upset about something in this country. I understand it is more difficult for her here than it is for me (in some ways) and I know she appreciates the things we have but I hope she can ward off these imbalances in her happiness.
Tomorrow we will be teaching again. I’m feeling confident in my lessons and look forward to them more than school, even though I have more fun with the students at school.
4 annoying features 1. we compare using reference points 2. wrong intuitions about what makes us happy 3. we get used to ‘stuff’ 4. we don’t realise we get used to stuff To overcome these we need to use intentional, effortful strategies
Reset your reference points – a reference point is a salient (but irrelevant) standard against which subsequent info is compared. They affect our happiness judgments a – concretely re-experience physically go back to the place or in your mind back to that time – what was your reference point then? b – concretely observe go and see what other things are really like c – avoid social comparisons – use the ‘stop’ technique ie notice making comparisons and say ‘stop’ – show gratitude – be conscious about what you see – stop/reduce social media, be conscious when using it. – interrupt your consumption, pause things you enjoy, they will give you a boost when you come back to them – increase your variety, do difficult things each day, try different foods, different books, etc
For hedonic adaptation (getting used to stuff) – ‘stuff’ doesn’t make us as happy as we think it will, ‘stuff’ sticks around so we get used to it – invest in experiences, they go away but you have memories – we don’t adapt to experiences, we don’t get used to them – experiences are difficult to compare to material stuff
What if you already have awesome stuff? – savouring – negative visualisation – make this day your last – gratitude
Savouring – stepping outside of an experience to review and appreciate it Activities that enhance savouring – tell another person how good you felt – look for someone to share with – think about how lucky you are (gratitude) – think about sharing it later – physical expressions of energy – laugh or giggle – tell yourself how proud you were – in the now, absorb the moment Activities that hurt savouring – focus on the future, after the event – you remind yourself it will be over soon – tell yourself it’s not as good as you hoped – tell yourself nothing lasts forever – tell yourself how it could be better – tell yourself it will never be this good again – tell yourself you didn’t deserve this good thing
Negative visualisation – imagine you never had this
Make this day your last – what if you lose this thing
Gratitude – show thanks and appreciation for what you have and share it with other people
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to meet and chat with Diego, a teacher at the other Anuban school. He seems like a nice person and understands the situation here in Thailand.
In the morning when thou risest unwillingly, let this thought be present – I am rising to the work of a human being. Why then am I dissatisfied if I am going to do the things for which I exist and the things which I was brought into this world?
Marcus Aurelius
To-do list
Squats and meditate in the morning – try 7 mins. ✅
Think! If you do speak – do not complain! ½
Print docs for Amy. ✅
More lessons for Khawthang. ✅
More exam preparation. ✅
School was a slower, boring, repetitious day but still enjoyable. The children had better skills and we were better prepared too.
After school was dentist time and I now have a metal crown though it’s not visible. I had some time to spare so sat outside De Lanna with a coffee and laptop and watched the sunset over the river and mountains. It was wonderful.
I met up with George, Sean and Bruno and we talked and drank beer and I was happy to take the conversation into deeper meaning when we discussed our issues about teaching and the schools we work in. I was surprised at how uncomfortable Bruno became talking about this and when Sean asked me about George’s advice I said I thought that his way of thinking was correct, but it’s very difficult to accomplish.
21st Mar 2024 – In hindsight and with more experience, I can see that George’s situation was far different to everyone else’s and so he was easily able to rationalise situations from a position of comfort that the rest of us weren’t enjoying.
I see myself in between Bruno and George in character but I’d like to move towards the George end of the spectrum.
Music from Motelli Skronkle, The Chords, Dot.Organ, DMBQ, Isocracy, i.e. crazy, Capillary Action, Ruins, Bukkake Moms, Killing Joke, Butthole Surfers, Sex Pistols, Debt of Nature, The Poles, 17 Pygmies and Sebadoh.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for Art and Utopia. Nice coffee and nice people and easy to get to. Lifesaver for a hangover!
To return to the books one lived in one’s youth is to risk disappointment – in both the books and in oneself when young.
Joseph Epstein
To-do list
Upload TCRAH ✅
Finish writing to Chrissie
Go for a ride around the hills again ✅
Go to the gym
Sort out more in the office ✅
I ran out of energy today. After teaching, which was very enjoyable today, it was about 5.3o pm and I spent a few minutes watching TV and energy just zapped out of me. Oh well, despite my best intentions, going to the gym the day after drinking probably wasn’t the best idea.
Today, Amy was upset by some pictures on an English poster we had bought – they showed ‘cute’ as a white girl and ‘ugly’ as a black person. Pretty fucked up and Amy said that she would complain to the makers.
In the afternoon I shared the picture with the TLC LINE group with the question ‘What is this teaching Thai children?’ I was quite surprised at the acceptance from Mike and Ben (himself black). I think it’s a fairly serious issue but felt like they were countering it because they were either used to it or it never affected them.
I feel proud of myself and Amy because we are prepared to stand up for what we believe to be right and fair. Amy even did it last night with the car park attendant as he called me ‘it’, which I was obviously oblivious to. Then Nancy cut the conversation short by talking about loving everyone and Malcolm piping up with emoji support.
I found the whole conversation very thought-provoking. Mike called me a ‘troublemaker’. I don’t know? Is facing issues causing trouble? I didn’t think I really had to defend my position – the consequences of letting things slide are obvious and some are prepared to leave thinking and doing to others and live the easy life.
It was interesting that Mike and Ben are French and I wonder how this affects their thinking? What an interesting day!
Should I not raise these things as discussion – live the easy life myself? I feel like that is what I want but something in me sees the injustices in the world and that I should say something even if nothing can be changed quickly.
I am most proud of all the things I have done with tenzenmen – organising tours and shows are always a lot of fun. Challenging but fun. I am also proud of the time I had to deal with losing my job of eighteen years which set me on this new journey. I am also proud of the work I have been doing as a teacher – making a positive difference in the lives of some children. I am not yet fully proud of my son, though I feel it is coming. He shows flashes of inspiration that will one day all come together to make me proud.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I am able to use my native language skills and help other people to better understand. I sometimes still can’t believe that I am a teacher. I don’t feel any smarter than anyone else, even the kids I teach.
27th Dec 2022 – I started doing Laurie Santos’ online Happiness course (at Coursera I think it was) and these were my starting results. I’m not sure I went back to check after I finished the course. Either way, it was an interesting learning experience.
Accept that change is necessary, learn to accept whatever befalls you and remain cheerful in the face of great adversity. – a simple piety
piety – strong belief in a religion that is shown in the way someone lives. virtue – a good moral quality in a person, or the general quality of being morally good.
Every day I feel that I am developing inwardly. Why, then, should I be in despair?
Anne Frank
To-do list
Clean up the balloons ✅
Move the bricks and concrete base ✅
Continue Coursera study ✅
Next read-to-lead challenge ✅
Dream book questions ✅
Another satisfying day today and I feel like I have a lot of energy.
This morning I was taken aback a little when a girl student said I wasn’t good. She didn’t explain but I felt odd and wondered if someone else had been saying things about me. I tried to evaluate how rational my thinking was and decided to put it out of my mind. People may think but it’s not true.
Then, a little later, by coincidence, I came across a quote ‘You will become less concerned with what other people think of you when you realise how seldom they do.’ Tomorrow I will try to maintain this positive attitude by continued study and practising my character strengths.
Last Sunday Amy and I, along with Mum and Dad, had to attend a funeral in Chiang Mai. It’s a three plus hour drive and meant a 5am start for us. I know we’re getting older and getting up earlier is kinda normal but damn, 5am!
I was hoping to be able to spend some time listening to podcasts but when we arrived at Mum and Dad’s and found Dad asleep in the passenger seat it was obvious that I would be driving. It was still dark as we left the city and approached the mountains. The air turned grey and dusty as the sun rose slowly somewhere in the sky and it was entrancing to watch the changes to the colours of the mountains that I was driving towards and soon driving through.
Dad’s big truck made easy time as we settled into the long valley and then through the twisting second set of mountains where a never-ending road work slows things down somewhat. I had to ease off once into the Chiang Mai valley though as, eager after the road works, I was starting to hit 140 km/h without even realising it.
This funeral was for cousin Ting’s mum. Ting had taken the time to travel an hour or so to my own mother’s funeral in the UK so it was only appropriate that we attend her mum’s and it was good to catch up with her despite the circumstances.
Monks did their thing and relatives did their thing and I followed where and when I was told. I noted the ‘No women allowed’ sign outside one of the buildings and wondered when Thailand will discover its enlightenment. Is it my place to judge and do I need to care about how people following certain religions behave? Well, if it feels like injustice it feels ok to care. Just know that progress of this sort often takes more than a single lifetime but we can hope that the progress is made before the world burns.
Having left Chiang Rai before the sun came up, we returned after the sun had set again. Chiang Rai missed us for the day and still the Earth turned without care.
And so it was we arrive at Friday and this time I’m on a solo adventure in my own car, again to Chiang Mai. This time it was for my UK passport renewal and I had allowed myself an overnight stay so as to split up the driving.
I had challenged myself since the Sunday journey to drive more conservatively and having that extra time I planned to enjoy the drive and take a few extra seconds to check out the views. It also meant I could listen to music uninterrupted for 3 or 4 hours.
For some reason I enjoy driving; I’m not sure why. This trip towards Chiang Mai was especially entrancing and I arrived in a very good mood. In fact I was a little annoyed that the first half of the travelling was complete!
The first port of call was back to International House, where I had studied for my CELTA certificate, almost two years previously. I bumped into my favourite tutor there and was pleased to have a quick chat and also to see a few other staff members that I still recognised, though had forgotten their names.
The environment here on the mini campus still amazes me, it’s so beautiful and not what you would expect. Like a holiday resort but with not much to do except study. I somewhat envied the students who would be arriving after the weekend but then I remembered the feeling in the first week when I was questioning myself whether I could do it or not.
I had hoped that they still had copies of my work for the course in the office there but unfortunately, they only hold on to them for six months. Never mind. It was nice to drive through those familiar small lanes where nothing has changed too much. The city is sprawling out that direction but has only had minimal impact so far.
Back into the middle of the city and everything went well with my passport application, though I had some difficulty making my signature similar to what it was 10 years previous. The staff laughed with me and I’m guessing it’s not that an unusual problem as they had paper prepared for applicants to practice.
Quickly out of there and across town to a book shop that had been recommended. An hour and 1000 baht later it was time to find some food and I treated myself to a tiny pizza and salad. Woohoo! Holiday time!
Dark by now, I waited at the Mohawk Bar to catch up with Facebook friend John Murrie. The bars opening time is 8pm and it was only 7pm so I sat in the car reading some more Anna Karenina, taking the opportunity to cross off one of my daily challenges. By 8.30pm the bar was still closed and Tolstoy was taking a sleep-inducing hold of me and I had to quit and head out south to my overnight lodging with one of Amy’s old school friends.
I wuz ‘ere. No one else wuz.
Tired and sleepy I was somewhat energised by meeting the two puppies of the house, once I was accepted as a welcome enough intruder. I was warned to keep my shoes away from them so placed them in my room and shut the door. Not long after, I placed myself in the room and fell asleep but reminding myself I must make an effort to talk more with my hosts Oh and Namtan when I was in a more lucid state in the morning.
In a flash it was morning and after getting my reading challenge completed before 8am, I did 40 squats, took a shower and planned a breakfast coffee for my hosts. Unfortunately, I had left the bedroom door open and hadn’t noticed the dogs sneak in looking for some bounty.
Everyone showered and set I went to get my shoes but they had disappeared. Obviously, the dogs had got them but no problem, whatever, let’s just go on a hunt for them. One under the car, another at the back of the garden. Unfortunately, they hadn’t just been deposited but chewed on and spat out! Ah well, farewell my shoes. Luckily they were just about wearable as I had no other shoes with me. The girls were very apologetic for their pups’ behaviour but I just thought it was funny. I’d had the shoes for a few years so they’d done me pretty well. Maybe an excuse to go shop for some others soon.
An excellent coffee later it was time to get back on the road and my mind was filled with wonder as I listened to good music and again enjoyed the twisting roads round rolling mountains. I counted off the landmarks backwards, breaking the 3 hours down; mountains, valley, mountains, home. The return journey never as exciting as the outset, slight melancholy following the setting afternoon sun.
However, once home I was awed by the feeling of comfort. Looking across our garden I gave Amy a big hug and declared ‘I love it here. I love this life and I love being with you.’
The local rock group down the street Is trying hard to learn their song They serenade the weekend squire Who just came out to mow his lawn Another pleasant valley Sunday Charcoal burning everywhere Rows of houses that are all the same And no one seems to care
– The Monkees
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have the energy and motivation to get up and do things. Today I took time to water the garden and clean the car.
…my memory was never loaded with anything but blank cartridges.
Mark Twain
To-do list
Write blog about Chiang Mai trip ✅
Record TCRAH
Water garden in the morning ✅
Prepare CD cases and case some more discs ½
Clean up balloons
Once again time ran out but I had a very busy and productive day. As well as getting up and watering the garden, front and back, I also washed the car. I ate breakfast in there somewhere too.
Before the morning was out we went for coffee and photocopied in preparation for afternoon lessons. In between lunch and teaching, I also wrote up a blog entry about my trip to Chiang Mai. It wasn’t as good as it was in my mind yesterday though.
Time running out doesn’t seem to be bothering me as much as it has in the past. I’m more accepting of the fact that I can finish something later. So long as I’m getting some things done then it’s fine.
Tomorrow is back to the routine mad Monday. One of the lessons should be pretty straightforward though and hopefully, the two difficult classes will be getting used to the method of what I’m doing with them now. I hope to get the rest of the exam questions finalised this week and probably be able to finish the regular class one tomorrow if I put my mind to it.
Music from The Reactionaries, Alternative TV, Neutral Sons, Polvo, Peter Black, Hilkka, The Fartz, Elvis Costello, Captain Sensible, Rogues, Graham Parker and the Rumour, Radio Nepal, Orthrelm, Arcwelder, Guapo, Minutemen, McClusky.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to Oh and Namtan for letting me stay at their house last night. It saved me money and trouble and they are nice people.
All reading should be applied to the idea of living the happy life…words may become deeds.
Seneca
To-do list
Remember how much you enjoyed the drive today? Do that again! ✅
Take Oh and Namtan for coffee. ✅
Work through your exhaustion and provide good tuition. ✅
Do something nice for Amy today. ½
Do not complain – counter other’s complaints. ✅
Today was a very good day and I feel wonderful and happy. It started with 40 squats, a shower and reading before taking Oh and Namtan for coffee. We have a good conversation about books, reading, exercising and eating.
The drive back was very pleasant though tempered by some melancholy as many returns home can be. It’s never as exciting as the heading out into unknown adventures, no matter how small they are.
I was so positive that I was fine for the teaching and it went like a breeze.
At dinner, Amy and I chatted for a long while and I put forward the idea of how we could spend the perfect day together.
Tomorrow I hope to spend some time in my office – I love being there but feel somewhat disconnected from the house so I don’t usually stay out there late into the night.
We have some more students tomorrow but those lessons should be fun
Jimmy talked to me today and told me he had complaints from parents about me hugging the kids. I got a little defensive, unfortunately, as to me, it’s not a big deal. But I need to understand how the kids might feel if they are influenced by this culture and their parent’s understanding.
(Later) Fuck me, these kids drive me crazy. Fucking annoying obnoxious little brats.
What am I doing here? I feel like I’m wasting my time trying to teach them anything. Fuck – it was a bad day.
I felt a little better after looking at what I have prepared for them next week. I don’t know if things will go well enough but at least it has a little more structure than today. I need to try and concentrate on the ones who want to learn and ignore all the others.
I wish I could explain to the parents that their children (the ones who want to learn) are constantly held back by the rest of the class. I don’t know how much they would care. It’s a pointless thought anyway because it will never happen. So – I have to keep myself happy somehow and fuck everything else.
It’s not really contenting so I hope Amy and I can work out a way to get out of this position by developing our own classes – something that is somewhat fraught with danger due to work conditions.
Gratitude Journal
What a sunrise this morning. I am so happy and grateful to be able to view this every morning.
From commonplace book
…these fragments of musical expressions good as some of them were, stuck me as unpleasant because they were entirely unexpected and unprepared for. Gaiety, sadness, despair, tenderness, triumph burst upon the ear without any justification, just like the emotions of a madman. And, as with a madman, these emotions vanished just as unexpectedly.
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, pg 789
To-do list
Compliment everybody. ½
What you read – read deeply.
Write back to Lachlan. ✅
Write to Kieran – anyone else?
Look for nice things to do for others.
Smile a lot – do not complain.
Get books from Mohan.
I started today well by complimenting the teacher on gate duty. My first class went well too despite my initial worries.
Things got derailed from there though as Jimmy talked to me that a parent had called to complain that their daughter cried at home because I hugged her. Jimmy said not to touch the students or he didn’t know what would happen.
I put forward my case that it is my style and though I understood what he was saying that it could happen again. I know the benefit of hugs and haven’t come across any signs from the students that they are upset by it.
I tried to stay as neutral as I could but was infuriated, not listening or choosing to misunderstand me. I got annoyed when it looked to me as if he was pretending to take a phone call and just started talking to his phone, cutting off what I was saying.
I did notice myself quickly trying to think about the content of what he said and despite being a bit miffed I thought that I have to accept this if I want to stay working.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t keep it out of my mind and as I thought more I thought perhaps that no students had actually complained but that he (or another teacher) had made the complaint. This certainly made more sense in the context of the conversation as Jimmy was quite vague and evasive.
Still – there is the message that they want to give me either way.
I wrote out a few different thoughts and ideas and my approach at the moment is to push more to teaching students at home – no boss, no stupid systems to follow and kids actually interested to learn more. Teaching at home comes it’s own predicaments as it’s technically illegal without a work permit and I could get thrown out of the country. This left me anxious somewhat and unsure of which way to turn.
My thinking right now is to teach until the end of the semester and see where things are at. I feel like I have to be like a robot more now – which I think is what they want. Good little automatons that can be used when required.
My patience was tested and broke in my last class and that was quite upsetting but I have thought of a strategy to attempt to stop it from happening again. Let’s just hope it is acceptable.
I’m still thinking about all this so it’s not clear from my mind yet. I have the weekend to adjust.
Today I found one of the students guiltily copying work of another student. He puts a lot of effort into avoiding working and running around finding someone to copy. That effort could just go into thinking.
When I told the teacher who was teaching them they just shrugged it off as if it didn’t matter and I noticed this made me feel a little miffed and I’m considering why.
I have something against this student due to his laziness and maybe I just wanted him to be punished. On the other hand, maybe the teacher has the right attitude. If the student can only learn to copy then he will discover the appropriate reward in his future.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the things that made me smile this week. Mostly it was the students, sometimes the cats, always Amy and sometimes myself. I smiled because of the simple things in my life that make me happy.
To-do list
Compliment a teacher and the students
Clear more emails and tabs!
Do something nice for someone.
Write to Jochen – same idea as with Aaron.
Study some more Thai.
Can you meditate today?
Did it list
Positive encouragement for students.
Stayed calm – only raised voice to be heard.
10,000 steps without realising.
Under 81kg today.
30 squats and 30 weightless shoulder presses.
Tried to be positive when talking with Boyan.
Took time to play with students.
Wrote to Jochen.
Called and encouraged Ellen.
Tried to call Echo.
Wrote some more relevant thoughts to Lachlan.
Read more online, closed some tabs but opened many more!
Cleared many emails.
Finished watching Happy!
Sorted new music files.
Studied a little Thai.
Today I tried really hard to be mindful of the things that I wanted to do. I wasn’t able to achieve all these things but having them in the front of my mind was a good exercise and something I will continue to practice. I gave quite a few students verbal compliments and confidence boosters and it was nice to get some positive feedback from them too. I might have to consider streamlining some email lists I’m on as I’m starting to get a little overwhelmed with so many things that I would like to explore.
I am so happy and grateful to be around my students. They are almost blank slates, learning as they go, testing things trying things, growing their brains. It’s great to watch, and inspirational to observe as I can learn to have my mind as open as theirs again. The teacher must always be a student in order to teach.
To-do list
Compliment one of the other teachers (I have trouble with this one!).
Be prepared for difficult IEC class where students have to work in groups on a mini project.
Go out and play with kids at lunchtime.
Talk to Mohan about looking at the grade 6 books and consider if you can do that job happily.
Did it list
Complimented Jimmy on his shirt.
Today’s lessons went well – the kids had a bit more freedom and they respected that. I was worried about this yesterday so this was a nice surprise. About 90% of the students got themselves fully involved. I’ll try and incorporate more work like this in future.
Played soccer with some of the students.
Read a bit online, cleared emails and tabs.
Wrote to Lachlan – his article made me think a lot.
Talked to Mohan about getting grade 6 books.
Supported some students with positive feedback. Maybe I do this normally and don’t notice it too much but I feel like I need to do it more – to offer more encouragement. It’s difficult to do in a class situation as there are so many students and noise and the same with one-on-one!
Many interactions with many students. I enjoy engaging with all students – not just the ones in my classes. I feel like the students appreciate that.
I’ve started talking to my phone. I thought it might be a good way to get ideas out more quickly. It’s quite difficult though. The action of talking seems to interrupt my thought processes and I feel like I’m performing thinking and trying to keep things linear. Of course, as soon as I put the phone away I had two thoughts that I believed I could use for writing and now have forgotten. Well, luckily one just popped back into my head but it’s likely I’ll forget it again by the time I finish this paragraph.
I’m sure I can make use of the speech-to-text on the phone – it just needs practice and more habitual use. I probably need to just push out the thought for fleshing out later rather than trying to run with it at the time. It’s an interesting exercise though it feels weird having a one-way conversation into the phone. I see quite a lot of other people sending audio messages but I’ve never been comfortable enough to do that. Same with instructions for devices, like using Siri or Bixby etc. It makes sense to make use of that functionality but feels dumb talking to your TV or whatever.
Here’s the stream-of-consciousness spew I came up with:
Last night I had a dream and I was in the school and was complaining with a tie teacher about the activity we had to do actually we just stand around doing nothing no one told us what to do this is quite common having quite a lot in my classes in my schools and I knew that I was going to have to do something similar today and now here I am standing here but nothing to do just babysitting children despite this so nicely I’m having a lot of fun at least it’s something different not sitting in the classroom I actually I was looking forward to sitting in the classroom and reading and stuff but now we’re outside and kids just pretty much playing some games actually quite fun but sunny 11 could I go in till 4 so he nice Sara Bareilles camp Camp I would just basically in the area looks like a note template or something behind the school in the fields with lots of trees randleman is nice and shady and cool kids are scared to go to the toilets because they think of this ghosts around very difficult I’m feeling great 5-10 year olds stool I guess you believe in ghosts maybe anyway it’s a really nice walk at the back of the school what do you call a housing estate the back and then can you record any more Minnesota twins in the first time I’ve been talkin into the funds I trying to record my thoughts but the actual process of speaking seems to be interrupting the source and feel like I’m trying to write a narrative rather than just letting thoughts come freely you not go all over the placeas I’m walking back to the sky suddenly going quite white hiding the the trees in the mountains in the distance and I can rice fields here smouldering away I’ve been burned off cat simulator with to sleep the sky is full of on the way down to the ground I can smell it now the smell reminds me of when I was a kid in it’s stopped little grass flies hedges no edges of them and banquets and places like that one time one got out of control and we had to run away we could see the fire which city smoke from the fire when we got home it seems like it was a long way away but you know it wasn’t so the relative sizes of different when you were a kid conrado Munoz nowholy smoke is pretty good actually I think I’m going to get my 10,000 steps done today that I’m think I’m going to drive back afterwards little bit hot after working in the Sun as I shake where I am this program is funny the conversion from speech to text isn’t quite as fantastic cuz I’m the Mack this is just on the phone Android phone remember to watch out for snakes where I amit’s very very quiet where I am at the moment I can see houses and buildings and stuff but I know it’s just a few crickets as birds fluttering around in the grass lawn grasses nice to know that this is he just being us like houses along the main road and then behind the house it’s just nothing
I think I could make sense of most of this but there’s only really two thoughts contained within.
I was trying to describe that, as a 6 or 7-year-old, myself and the other kids on my street (for some reason I rarely hung around with kids on the next street) went off to the railway embankment and walked up to the top of the hill where there was a park. At the edge of the hill and park we set light to the grass for some childish fun. It quickly got out of control and we all ran like hell back home. From our street we could still see the smoke billowing into the sky even though it was what seemed like far away. It probably wasn’t that far but distance is relative when you’re still only three foot tall. When we heard the sirens we all ran inside.
And the smell of the rice field burning today reminded me of that day. Burning the fields is normal here unfortunately. Chiang Rai had the worst air quality in the world for a few days earlier this year. A brief smell of smoke such as I had today makes for a nostalgic romantic memory but when you are choking on the smoky sky it’s not so much fun. This year it lasted for about two months and it was awful.
The other thought I was trying to articulate was that I had an anticipatory dream last night. It’s not a very surprising dream and was really just a prediction. I think it did help me in some ways though.
I was dreaming that I was at school and it wasn’t the normal teaching day as there was some event that we had to help the kids with. I was standing around with the other teachers and we were all complaining that no one had told us exactly what we were supposed to be doing. I mentioned that one of the Thai teachers told me that we just need to make sure the kids don’t hurt themselves and I had laughed ‘oh we just need to babysit them then?’ Babysitting was a common phrase used by one of my old Thai colleagues and as ‘teachers’ it was a little frustrating, especially when we might only find out about these events the day before they happen.
So, last night I had made a note to be mentally prepared for a disorganised day today. It was Scout Day. I knew that we had to walk somewhere outside school and this morning found out that we would leave at around 9am. That happened and us obedient babysitters wandered along behind them without any clue what was in store for us. Sure enough when we got to where we were supposed to be no one told us anything else and we just sat around, wandered around, sometimes worried that we should be doing something. Exactly as my dream, mentally prepared, I took the opportunity to have as much fun as possible with the kids which is really preferable to sitting around complaining about the situation. I ended up having a great time. The kids seemed to be enjoying what was pretty much a day off school for them too. I’m not sure if they learned anything today but some days when I’m teaching I feel the same too!
Something I learned today Black and white is always gray Looking through the windowpane I’m not inside your brain
In an effort to try and get the kids to at least learn or remember something, I would steal their hats and demand that they use English to ask for it back. They all eventually got their hats back – took a while for some of them.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I have the motivation and determination to get things done. This morning I weighed myself and the app on my phone tells me that I now have a normal BMI and no longer overweight. I’m proud of myself but the task is not over. I still need to lose a few more kilos and get more exercise. I know my weight will go up and down but I can keep heading in the right direction.
To-do list
Check if possible to record speech to text on phone
Mentally prepare for a disorganised day
Don’t forget to go to hospital
Compliment one of the other teachers
Positive feedback for the kids
Did it list
10,000 steps today.
First time normal BMI.
Had fun at what could be a potentially boring day.
Challenged a few students and complimented them when they did well.
Tired speech-to-text on phone with minor success.
Talked with Boyan, Said and Kevin more than normal today and feel that they are comfortable talking to me.
Did not shout today!
Studied some more Thai.
Helped the staff at Wynn’s coffee shop to carry in their stock items.
It was interesting to talk with Boyan, Kevin and Said today for different reasons. Boyan generally just talks about himself so I led him on a bit and can start to understand him a little bit more. Kevin also likes to talk about himself but is more conscious of it and will try to get you into the conversation too. Again, I could understand him a bit more. Said and I seem to be on a similar wavelength and I feel like we agree on many things. One thing I do want to be conscious of though is not to get too much into the negative talk that everyone falls into. I need to take a second longer to think, which is quite difficult when everyone wants to say their piece.
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