Tag: writing

The Party – 14th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Temporary swarms buzz and circle
Conversations bend or disappear
Nests break and reconfigure
With new formations becoming clear
An idler on the roof above
Monitors the party in motion
Follows every dip and rise
As if floating on the ocean
Plans discussed, pleasantries exchanged
Jokes told to absurd laughter
Approaches made, compliments fired
And plans afoot for what comes after

a scene from Titus Alone by Mervyn Peake

To live is to war with trolls in heart and soul. To write is to sit in judgement on oneself.

Henrik Ibsen

Today I’m feeling:
Content and lazy
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to easily buy snacks and treats for myself at shops nearby and having the money to do it. I’m far away from any major commerce but through the effort of 1000s of people, I can buy yoghurt, blue cheese, chips and toilet paper at stores just a 10-minute drive away.
The best thing about today was:
Listening to Kurws. Great band making interesting music for a decade or so. Today has been a very lazy day after returning from shopping at 10am. I haven’t done much of what I normally do but I’m fine with it. I’m getting used to this quiet life and not having a frenzy in my head of having to do things out of obligation, though I do recognise and appreciate that driving force at times. I know I will get that feeling back in a week or two when school starts again so in the meantime I’m enjoying the freedom to listen to as much music as I can.

I took this picture because… come on, how cute is that! This is from a couple of months ago but I’ve been so lazy to go anywhere and take any interesting pictures today. Even in the garden. I suppose I could have found something beautiful at the shops… Pictures are not usually on my mind when shopping though, usually just want to get in and out as quick as possible.

Make It – 17th May 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Yeah, we’re gonna make it
But only by the skin of our teeth
Possibly we’ll break it
But somewhere we have to find belief
Maybe we’ll mistake it
For an eternity all too brief
Probably we’ll fake it
Wallowing in an illusion of relief

The more you have to lose, the more fragile you are.

Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for an extra day off school. I could get a lot of writing, reading and guitaring done. Bonus.

The Week That Was – 15th July 1979
The Week That Was – 22nd July 1979

Happy Weeds – 16th April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In this garden of life
I’m a simple weed, underachieving
Yet I can grow anywhere
And I’ll never stop believing
Happily, I join in chorus
As fellow weeds, we will survive
Take whatever is thrown at us
We’re just glad to be alive

I refuse to grow younger. I came by my decreptitude the hard way and I propose to enjoy it.

Jubal, Stranger In A Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to read all the great stories that smart people took the trouble to write, whether it’s comics or books.

Fatman report

Sleep Alone – 22nd November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We can’t share this dream together
Each world, a darkness of our own
The waking world we have in common
Born to us after our sleep alone

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Dave Drayton in Australia who sent me his book of poems. Today I will send him something in return.

Yesterday was a beautiful blue sky day, which Amy tuts at and means that people will start burning again now, and then we’ll be back to a smoky sky. What she says is true but I’d rather just take in the beautiful sky as it is, right then and there. She warned me that she was pre-menstrual, so I didn’t say anything!

We went to visit Bruno and Nut and had a good lunch through to dinner, chatting about everything and anything. Bruno and I did a quick dash into the city to meet an acquaintance of his who has just opened a coffee shop at their house. His name is Run and his English was pretty good.

Back at Bruno’s, I ate lots of hot pot food and took part in drinking all their ‘weed whiskey’, which didn’t taste like either and didn’t have much of either effect too, but it tasted nice. I had a good time even though I didn’t get a chance to practice guitar. I’ll make up for it tonight, hopefully. I’m starting to feel a little tired now.

This week is no-kids week for me, so I’m at House, marking their work as they send it and preparing for more weeks for 2/9. My ass is getting sore from sitting on these stools for too long.

At some point, I want to sit and listen to a CD and write about each song, to try and practice my writing and get down how those sounds make me feel. I really wanted to just listen to the Leopold CD I just bought. I heard it last week and really liked it and wanted to take the time to concentrate on it a bit more. I ran out of time though.

This Shirt – 6th October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This shirt is too tight
Restricting my space
Sleeves too short
And collar around my face

Nice design and style
But not quite the right fit
It’s only 8 am
And I’ve got all day to wear it

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a great massage yesterday. Combined with my working out recently I can feel my body and thinking changing for the better.

Is it post-massage hangover? Slept well, woke up happy enough but sitting this morning, reading and sipping my usual big cup of cappuccino, I was aching and uncomfortable. I’ve noticed that I really love lying down on my back – it’s about the only position I feel comfortable in. I don’t have to use many of my puny muscles to support myself.

However, I recognise that this is not anyway to thrive and is one of the reasons for soldiering through the Six-pack in 30 days course, which, when you look deeper, is actually Six-pack in 90 days but who is gonna buy into that? I’m pleasantly surprised by my sticking with this regime so far, two weeks or more, and notice a sense of overall well-being, despite the achy bits and let’s hope that strengthening these stomach muscles will be part of the solution to the random pain points throughout my body. Or at least, perhaps, I’ll be able to touch my toes.

24 Jun 2025 – Update to this is that whilst I still have a better feeling of well-being, I don’t have a six pack, my body continues to ache and I still can’t touch my toes.

I finished entering in my 1979 diary to the blog, which has been an interesting exercise in the memory-jerking reminiscence department, but I have to keep remembering so that I can actually write alongside the diary entries at some point.

The more I think about collecting my life history into one place, the more ideas come along or memories of things forgotten are prodded forward for evaluation. When I see all the shit in the world I can’t believe how I lucky I am. I think about this every day now.

Chicken Hawker – 25th June 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The fried chicken stand roars each morning
Burning oil since the early dawning
You know it’s bad – ‘But it’s delicious’
There’s things inside so suspicious
Feel your organs, pumping, throbbing
As arteries are slowly clogging
The chicken man holds a scythe
Death comes along to claim his tithe

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have this little book to write my notes in. I prefer to write with pen and paper rather than using an app.

The Art of Noticing Electricity Meters – 13th June 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

On a walk last week I picked some things to notice, one being electricity meters. In England and Australia these things are usually hidden away somewhere but here in Thailand they are usually visible somewhere out on the street where, although they can be easily tampered with, they can be easily read by the Electricity Board. They are not particularly noticeable though – unless you start looking for them. I found these ten quickly on a single walk.

The other thing that these pictures got me thinking about was Thai’s fascination and superstition about numbers. I haven’t heard anything specifically about numbers on these meters but lottery tickets and car number plates (as well as auspicious dates) are considered gossip worthy by many people here. When folks are told that their car number plates are not very lucky they may be guided by a fortune teller or particular monk to add another number to the plate, usually smaller than the numbers of the official plate. This goes along with a superstition about the colour of one’s car and if told they have an unlucky colour will add a sticker saying ‘This car is blue’ to improve their luck.

Thai’s (generalising) put way too much stock into these kinds of things, thinking that they have little or no control over their own lives. When they put little effort into improving themselves they can blame bad luck for their failures. Obviously I don’t think this is good, but am I right? I just tell myself I am.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to look back at some of the better poems I have written. I think I can find it easier to distil my thoughts and feelings into 4-20 lines of verse rather than writing a diary. Anyway, I’m glad to get back into the habit of writing poems.

One’s Utensils – 9th June 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You are my favourite fork
Comfortable in my palm
Pins not sharp enough
To do me any harm

You are my favourite knife
Good for cutting cheese
Just right for some butter
Spreading as I please

You are my favourite spoon
The right shape for my mouth
Soup, yoghurt, stir fry
Smoothly in and smoothly out

Some utensils just aren’t right
Others are perfect for me
I’m grateful to find the ones
For breakfast, dinner and tea

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my favourite knives, forks and spoons over the years. Something about how they fit in your hands and mouth makes them emotionally comforting.

There were many good things today despite some minor frustrations – just with online teaching.

The rain really turned it on and brought the temperature down to a very agreeable level, so much so that I sat in the classroom even after my lessons finished.

I’m really enjoying the coffee I’m getting in the morning. I enjoyed chatting with Fui, reading and writing poems, and studying Thai.

The rain was torrential at times but not too cold, so I didn’t bother with an umbrella and just embraced the wet and ducked under cover whenever I could.

Even though I had plenty of free time today, I wished I could have more so that I could do some more drawing too. So long as I can spew out something artistic each day, then I’m pretty happy. At the moment, it’s poems.

Zen and the Art of Rhyming Maintenance – 14th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

As an extra challenge to writing, I thought it might be interesting to write a poem for each of these quotes that I highlighted in my copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I don’t like to make things easy for myself.

If someone’s ungrateful and you tell him he’s ungrateful, okay, you’ve called him a name. You haven’t solved anything.

Problem Solved?

So, what’s the problem?
I’m an ungrateful prick?
Thanks for your comment
It really made me tick

Was it somehow helpful?
Did it get things straight?
I don’t think anything changed
I guess you’ll just have to wait

…that old feeling I’ve talked about before, a feeling that there’s something bigger involved than is apparent on the surface.

Under The Hood

I can feel it in my bones
Unshakeable but invisible
I try to look inside it
But this time, it’s not divisible

Clouding up the thoughts
Stumbling around my guesses
Impossible to clarify
Mixed within my messes

Can’t be touched upon
Or identified in the grey
It’s on the tip of my tongue
But what it is, I cannot say

He travelled alone. Always. Even in the presence of others, he was completely alone. People sometimes felt this and felt rejected by it, and so did not like him, but their dislike was not important to him.

He Travelled Alone

You said that we all need a friend
And perhaps that’s really true
But I think that I’ve decided
That friend isn’t going to be you

I’m alone but I’m not lonely
It doesn’t matter what you know
You don’t have to be like me
I’m happy if you just leave me alone

I accept the way I am
And don’t care what you say
Why do you want me to be like you?
It’s just your ego getting in my way

I’m sorry if this makes you sad
But that’s really down to you
I’ll see you again tomorrow
And know my feeling’s true

It’s frustrating to see how completely unaware he is at the time of the significance of what he is saying.

Significant Words

I look back at my old words
I see I understood things well
Yet somehow I couldn’t act on them
I couldn’t really tell

That big truths underlie all this
Almost as plain as day
It’s so easy to say them
But much harder to put in play

Sometimes so unaware
I stumble way off course
I have to remind myself
And get back on my horse

No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise tomorrow.

Shout at the Sun

Some things don’t need to be said
But maybe they should be
Reminders to our busy selves
About how simple things would be

If we took time in appreciation
To really know that the sky is blue
Of course, we already know this
But we could really understand it too

Take a minute and look on up
Above your thoughts and feelings
Astound yourself with simple things
In all your daily dealings

The effort of fathoming what is in another’s mind creates a distortion of what is seen.

Are You For Real?

You don’t see what I can see
Do you?
You can’t see what’s in my mind
Can you?
You’ll never work it out now
Will you?
You aren’t really real now
Are you?

I see blue but you see red
You didn’t listen to what I said
I’ll react exactly the same
Until we can agree on a name

Let’s be clear, just talk it straight
You said mind games are what you hate
But you always do that so well
So deceptive, I couldn’t tell

Now I’m empty, now I’m blank
And for that I’ve you to thank

We have to keep going until we find out what’s wrong or find out why we don’t know what’s wrong.

Knowing

What’s wrong? Do you know?
If not, why is it so?
Don’t stop, just keep going
On this path to one day knowing

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to receive a friendly warm welcome when I dropped by Bruno’s house yesterday. He is feeling very happy now that he is no longer working for TLC and is enthusiastically talking about plans for the future and particularly his garden, which I can tell has got him really upbeat.

I’m feeling rather pleased with myself today. I spent it all either reading, sketching, studying Thai, drinking coffee, driving and writing poetry – not bad for a day at work! Enjoy it while I can.

Watch out for me now cos I’m alive – 8th March 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Damn, it’s cold in the morning. Have been sick, this is the first day back.
Amazing long sleep – feel good. Body weakened – need exercise, need discipline again.
G.I.on brainbox. Can’t stop reading – so good, so happy. Tattoo ideas formed.
Write 1994 and ideas coming – found more old writing. Is it important – no – is it interesting to me? Yes.
I’m running out – is there nothing to do except document my life? Should I be living a life still? What is it?
I love my home – my comfort here.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have access to YouTube and to have an internet connection. Having internet means it is easy to live anywhere in the world. If I didn’t have it I could probably still manage but life would be a lot different – time would have a totally different meaning. The things I use the internet for are thought-provoking and thinking makes me alive.