Tag: Aing

One Way To Look At Three Cats – 15th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Among a single soft bed
Nothing stirs except
The slow rise and fall as the cats breathe

Their three minds
Like closed doors
To the bedroom containing three cats

Awake, stretch, turn and re-settle
These times of little drama

Two cats slumber together
As one
Three cats slumber together
As one

No favouritism at the sight
Each purrs with affection
Soft eyes stare at mine
Before closing again
To mouse dreams

inspired by the first five stanzas of Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird by Wallace Stevens

Today I’m feeling:

Reasonably happy and satisfied.

Today I’m grateful for:

A little breeze this evening that will hopefully blow away some of this smoky polluted air. The forecast is for many days of storms but with a 0% chance of rain! (As I finished writing this with Kim sitting on my lap there was a peal of thunder and the sound of rain on our roof! Hooray! Kim has gone back to sleep under the doona!)

The best thing about today was:

Relaxing a little with my grade 8 classes. I didn’t push them too much and allowed the class to end early knowing that I can test them on the work on Friday. My afternoon grade 7 class though was more taxing as they looked at me blankly when I asked them to find the verbs in some sentences, not knowing what a verb was until I gave them the Thai translation for the word ‘verb’!

This is another lesson for me to re-evaluate what and how I teach next year. I’m almost fully resigned now to let the students keep their phones, making each lesson very simple, with some element of artistic output so that the result can look good at least and then I will just grade the students on whether they do the work or not.

Having said that I hope that next year’s classes are of a similar level of comprehension at least. I feel like I’m at the point of just giving in to the easy way out. To make my life easier.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

This is more a continuation of the above but many of my students today still lack a serious comprehension of (what I generally consider) simple tasks and instructions, or even just making connections throughout what we have already studied this semester. I’m feeling resigned.

But I did come home with the knowledge that I need to change my approach. If I have to make life easier for my students, I have to make it easier for myself too.

Something I learned today?

A recent poll found that 56% of Taiwanese people distrust the USA and worry that they could be in the middle of a potential war that they didn’t ask for.

What small task brings me satisfaction?

What is a small task? Exercise? Feeding the cats? Reading? Cutting nails?

Ok, I’m going to say vacuuming my floors and washing my sheets. I can go do a long time without doing either so I do feel satisfied with a clean floor and fresh-smelling sheets.

Aing took this picture last week because I was the only one of us brave/dumb enough to jump into the waterfall. I only just got this picture and was quite shocked at how big the waterfall is and how small I am in comparison.

百年羞耻 – 8th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The body was weak with a cancer at the heart
Viruses found a way in to rip it all apart
Poison took hold and began to stake a claim
So began the one hundred years of shame

Infection spread to disable all the limbs
Antibodies form and internal war begins
Now a puppet left to play in a rotten game
Raped and tortured by a hundred years of shame

Slowly, slowly the body returns to balance
Both yin and yang improve upon their talents
Heads held higher to rise above the strain
The beginning of the end of a hundred years of shame

Now the muscles flex, the body’s lesson learned
At unity with the brain, power has returned
No matter the want, things are not the same
Since the end of a hundred years of shame

Today I’m feeling:

Content and energised. A long walk in the jungle and a dip in the freezing water under the waterfall really got my blood flowing.

Today I’m grateful for:

Aing and Now paying for my lunch which we had at the restaurant in the stream. All the food was delicious. Spicy seafood salad, Tom Yum soup, veggie fried rice, deep-fried fish and squid.

The best thing about today was:

Getting under the waterfall and having the air sucked out of my lungs. It was freezing and invigorating and I felt cosy once I got my shorts and t-shirt on again. I should sleep well tonight.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Last night I found Kim had a scratch on her head and was limping again, presumably from fighting, so I decided to keep her in again. I really want her to enjoy the freedom to be outside but she just can’t stay out of trouble. I’ll start putting her back in her room at night again from tomorrow.

Right now she’s in our walk-in where she’s content to recover as best she can. She still seems happy enough and is eating fine. Hopefully, she gets better soon.

Something I learned today?

There was an earthquake in Turkey and Syria a couple of days ago and China has already got people on the ground there helping. In comparison, the USA has sanctions in place for Syria which hampers Western allies’ possible efforts to help.

Syria is already crippled by civil war and US military involvement as well, removing their oil to be kept in a safe place ie. the USA!

I’m coming to respect China more and more every day. I just hope they can avoid getting dragged down by the bullying tactics of the West.

What is a word you feel that too many people use?

Taking this question literally, the word is probably ‘Mine.’

I took this picture because this was the destination for today. Khun Korn waterfall. Aing and Now said they wanted to come here as they never did during the time they were studying in Chiang Rai. They’d been busy until today so today it had to be. Just by chance, at school this morning, I met Kru Mai and Kru Karn waiting to be picked up and I guessed they were going camping with scouts. I asked them where the campsite was and it was also at Khun Korn! So I made sure to go and surprise my old students whilst visiting. They all told me that they weren’t having fun but it looked like they were really!

Almost – 7th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You became the master of money
And accumulated great wealth
Became a master of muscles
And maintaining physical health
But that final puzzle piece
Is still hidden as if by stealth
Couldn’t master your mind
Couldn’t master yourself

18th Apr 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and relaxed, waiting for the sun to drop so I can do some watering again. I’m hoping for an early rainy season again but I think this year may be long and dry, unfortunately.

Today I’m grateful for:

Manus at the post office for always being helpful and friendly and trying to help me remember the Thai word for ‘registered’.

The best thing about today was:

A long chat with Amy about different ideas and plans for the future.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had just gotten on a roll with updating more blog entries when Fui came to House and we started talking. I’m never sure how long he will stay but I decided I had no hurry today and we ended up chatting for about 90 minutes. We often go over the same things but we learn a little more about each other each time. At points, I was keen to get back to what I was doing but I told myself to relax and enjoy this time.

Something I learned today?

You can buy a cock ring called the Tally Wacker that counts your thrusts when fucking. I’m not sure if it syncs with your health devices but maybe 100 thrusts equals a calorie?

What is one lesson I am learning right now?

We’ll have to generalise ‘right now’ a little because if taken literally all I’m learning is what I can remember from ‘around’ ‘right now’!

I’m learning a little how to relax and even be bored again. This week involves a lot of TV and reading, playing guitar and listening to music. Much like many other weeks but interspersed with even less teaching than usual.

It’s taken me a long time to learn to relax and in the back of my mind, I’m confident that when the time comes necessary I will be able to get right back on my game again.

I took this picture because I wanted a different angle to look at the garden. I like this mini bamboo plant that apparently cats like to eat. Not sure ours ever do though. The leafless frangipani has more focus than the other trees near it which are also now losing their leaves. The frangipanis are just starting to show leaves sprouting through now. You can also spy the tops of some of our cacti too.

Letter to future me (sent 7th Feb 2022)

Dear FutureMe,

It’s the 7th of February 2022 and I’m sitting in the cafe, Le Paradis, next door to CRPAO, where I am currently an English teacher. It’s scout week and us farang teachers have nothing to do for this whole week. I’ve decided to clock in, show my face and go home again unless anyone wants me to do anything.

I’m feeling pretty happy these days. Amy has been in Australia for a week now and has gotten herself a job already, which she will start in March, after travelling to Albury and Adelaide first to visit friends.

Tomorrow I will go to visit Bruno and Nut for dinner and on Sunday Aing and Now will come to stay for a few days, for Aing’s graduation ceremony. She will look around the area with the intention to start some sort of business here, which is great news. It will give us a local cat sitter that we can trust!

By the time you are reading this, it’s possible you are no longer working – that might even happen as early as the end of the semester in March. Whatever happens, it will be ok, though I’m enjoying having access to almost all my income for a change.

I am still thinking too much about George and the way he is treating me but I am slowly able to push it aside, made easier by just avoiding him at work. I don’t feel anything bad towards him. He obviously feels hurt by my actions towards him, which in my mind have been fairly minimal and understated. He seems to have a higher expectation and can’t deal with that not being met. At least that’s how see it, with the little that I managed to get out of him to try and find out his true feelings.

Everything I accuse him of, I can accuse myself. It doesn’t matter. We’re just not compatible but I don’t let that interfere with staying polite.

I have written many times about my ability to keep myself (my mind) occupied and I don’t easily succumb to loneliness. I would rather be alone than struggle to maintain a difficult friendship. Perhaps this is something that I will improve on in the future but I am happy with myself the way I am. Real, good friends will find their way to each other.

Do I want to tell you anything? Just keep going. You’ve done so well to get where you are now. This year is looking bright to me, right now, with so many possibilities. Some will happen, others will wait.
I’ll go and make some music.

PS – look at your blog for this day in the past, over the years. Do you notice anything?

FutureMe – take it easy.

Ritual Of Panic – 6th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s no rest for the wicked
And no rest for those of virtue
Adrift in a world that never sleeps
The feeling of dread is gonna get you

Gasps of dismay at faint sleights
A skin now brittle and thin
This ritual of panic has become
The default state to be in

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed as no classes today but maybe too relaxed as I’m sleepy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The wide variety of food available especially on market days like today. I got some deep-fried fish with riceberry rice and chopped unripe mango covered with chilli fish sauce. My mouth is watering as I’m writing this!

The best thing about today was:

Sitting in House for 3 hours drinking coffee and adding blog entries, finishing off the old diary with my gig list.

Tomorrow I start adding 1983 entries and consider figuring out other gigs I went to after 1992 which is when I stopped writing them down.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing has needed to be completely in my control today. It has passed by reasonably uneventfully!

Something I learned today?

The French live 6 years longer than Americans on average and work fewer hours and produce one-third more than the British. I’m not sure how this was calculated, or even true, but I’m siding with the French against my own birthplace!

What do you think gets better with age?

I’m going to treat this as what gets better as I age and that is wisdom. As it should. There’s something wrong if you are not getting wiser.

I took this picture because the dry winter has ignited a growth spurt in our cactuses. They are going crazy.

The weekend disappeared in some kind of rush of nothing in particular.
Domestication took over as I cleaned up around the house as Aing and Now arrived on Sunday morning and I should at least make everything presentable somehow.
And the biggest chore at the moment is watering the garden daily as it is so dry.
Amazing how quickly months and months of rain can disappear even in winter.
I happily received a nice online order with the release of the Ad Interim album and anticipating another release from a cool band from Istanbul that approached me recently.
And, in my endless search for interesting music, I found a band called Focusrights whom I felt immediately compelled to contact though they weren’t able to commit to anything.
I still get off on the feeling of discovery of music that gets my heart pumping.

Make Me Laugh Johnny – 17th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Pissing time away, money ain’t gonna save us
Betting on a 7-2 combo down in Vegas
A couple of lines will cut the time in half
Make me laugh Johnny, make me laugh

Stroking beards ain’t the thing to be doing
When the dancing girls are being flew in
Shiny lights ain’t enough in this big city
Make me laugh Johnny, I’m feeling shitty

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and lazy

Today I’m grateful for:

The free weed that Matt gave me. I don’t know when I’m likely to use it though as I don’t like smoking it and don’t often use it in tea. I also already have gummies which keep me happy enough and is easy to measure the dose.

The best thing about today was:

Waking up before my alarm with Kim Chi investigating a good spot to lie on me. She likes my hip but is disturbed every time I turn over. After I got up she quickly transferred herself under the doona on Amy’s bed and I had to get her out just so that she would eat. After eating she went straight back and was still there when I got home around 3 pm. She loves sleeping.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My classes were both pretty much out of control for the most part but I went with the flow and it really just meant taking longer to get things done. The kids are just excited at the moment with sports week coming up but I doubt if they will be settled after that either.

Something I learned today?

Thanks to Matt I learned where to buy kratom leaves and Nam Kratom. The bonus is that there are two beautiful lively friendly dogs there too.

I took this picture because yesterday Tamgmo played in the garden with his friend. No new pictures today.

I’ve been keeping my app updated more than writing here (on paper) and I thought this was the last journal book I have here so have been winding down. However, I found another book on the shelf so I’ll get back into this again.

I went to see Matt at lunchtime and he gave me a bunch of homegrown wee and sold me a couple more vials of acid. He may also have a lead on some more in Chiang Mai in a couple of weeks. We are the quiet fiends not bothering anybody!! Haha! He also clued me into a Kratom seller selling leaves and bottles of tea in Wiang Chai so I picked up a bottle on the way home.

We met at the cafe near Happy City golf course and were kinda surprised at all the Koreans in the cafe, coming from or going to the golf course. Somehow they looked very Korean, all wearing special skin patches on their cheekbones presumably to stop the sun from burning their skin and also reduce the glare in their eyes. They all looked perfect. It was strange to see them in this dishevelled old wooden shack of a cafe.

Classes today were rowdy but fun. It’s difficult to take things seriously at the moment as there are so many days off in the coming weeks and before you know it’ll be the end of the semester again.

Amy and I are missing each other. She’s been back in Oz for about 10 days now and we’re both still readjusting. Even this will be quick as a flash though and she’ll be back again just after her birthday.

Aing and Now will come again in a couple of weeks. I guess they have other friends around here graduating.

I’m trying to get back into a decent routine again but finding it hard. I’ve got my energy back. I think the longer-term effects of Covid have gone (as far as I can tell) so I’m trying to do a little more exercise in the morning.

I want to read more but find myself resorting to YouTube and just watching comedy. I guess I need to laugh.

One Thing – 5th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s all you have, there’s nothing else
All you held are old dusty dreams
It’s the time you are alive, this one thing
The only possession that is what it seems

Every moment wasted on the dramas of others subtracts from your strength.

Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and carefree despite still having to organise things for my students for tomorrow’s classes.
Today I’m grateful for:
The rental car company and for being able to drive around Phuket at leisure and without worry.
The best thing about today was:
Today has been steadily great. Right now we’re in the Hilton restaurant at the beach with free-flow alcohol. Good for Amy! This morning we had delicious brunch at another beach, along with Aing, after dropping Fern and Harper at the airport. Everything went super smoothly timing-wise and Amy and I drove back by the scenic beaches route with a quick circuit of Patong just as a reminder of being there 10 years ago. The lovely hotel we stayed at that time has been abandoned since, probably due to the pandemic, but there were lots of new ones and many foreign tourists around as expected. After dropping Amy back at Pim’s I went off book shopping and picked up one book I was looking for and another three by Studs Turkel, who I’ve never heard of, but was fascinated by the name and an approval from Kurt Vonnegot on the back cover of one. Awesome, even with the heavy rain.
Something I learned today?
According to surveys, Chiang Rai is the drunkest province in Thailand. Not sure how this was measured and it must be pretty serious as everywhere in Thailand loves a drink.
What are some of the challenges you face?
My biggest challenges at the moment probably revolve around health. I need to lose a little weight again and build up some stamina but seem to be suffering a little from what may be long covid. I get breathless and exhausted easily. I have aching hips and a painful neck, weak arms with painful elbows. I should focus a little bit of extra effort on maintenance in the next few months.

I took this picture because it was good timing for us to be dropping Fern to the airport near where Aing lives and Aing has a day off today so we could treat her to lunch. The food was great and the beach was good too.

Made Of Plastic – 6th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I’m made of plastic
I will melt in the sun
I’ll poison the grounds
Where clean waters run

I’m made of plastic
For 5 minutes convenient
Thanks to the dinosaurs
Providing my ingredient

I’m made of plastic
I’ve no use to think
Formed into containers
For the water that you drink

I’m made of plastic
Providing a life of ease
I may not live forever
But longer than the trees

I’m made of plastic
Cancer waits its turn
Coming to the ground near you
Or to the air to burn

Not rarely will a person suffer from neurosis that results from the situation of a sane man living in an insane society, rather than that of the more conventional neurosis of a sick man trying to adapt himself to a sick society.

Erich Fromm

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and chilled
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to hop on my motorbike and pay my electricity bill at the shop when my app didn’t manage to work.
The best thing about today was:
Closing the gate this evening. In fact, for the last few evenings, the sky has been fairly clear and the temperature perfect to just stand and admire the moon, the stars and clouds as well watching multitudes of fireflies and storms gathering on the other side of the valley with great bright yellow flashes lighting the way.

I took this picture because Aing drew these little pictures when she was staying here when Amy and I were in Bangkok. They were a nice surprise to find when we got back home together, back in July.

Together Again Today – 14th July 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Both on our way
By the end of the day
– A feeling we’ll no longer miss
It’s been a while
Since sharing our smile
– And feeling so gentle a kiss
When we are not there
We know we still care
– Each other we’re thinking of
Wrapped in each other
Like arms of a mother
– The comforts of deepest love

The older you get, the smarter your parents get.

David Foster Wallace, paraphrasing

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the choices we have. On the 11th I wrote that Amy’s mum and dad would come and look after our cats but now Aing is back in Chiang Rai and her and Now will be able to do it for us.

The Week That Was – 23rd September 1979

Give Me A.I. – 23rd December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Give me A.I., I’ll just be a brain in a box
Ditch my body for complete neuron unlocks
A twitching synapse controls my feeding tube
Lord Elon can come and change my lube
Devolution of thumbs, no longer required
Finally, it’s our thoughts to be admired
Give me A.I. and charge-free flying cars
Let’s get on the rocket and fuck off to Mars

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the technology that means we can video call our friends around the world. It’s a far cry from the dial phones I grew up with.

Last night, Amy and I had a long video and audio call with Aing in Bangkok. She was down and confused about her future and I learned a little bit about Amy as we talked. About myself too.

I was conscious of not just putting my ideas forward or just telling what I would do because I can’t really put myself into her situation exactly. Amy and I both listened more than talking, asking questions where appropriate.

Then Amy gave her some good advice. Aing felt better after this and we will try and help her as much as we can. She is a smart young lady with lots of potential. We would like to see her achieve her dreams rather than going along with what satisfies other people.

Amy and I talked more about it afterwards and she has a method in this kind of situation, which I didn’t really realise that I was doing too. That is to let the person talk and to listen carefully before offering any advice. Be sympathetic before a solution provider. Amy is very good at this. George too. I am getting better at it and try more these days to put myself in someone else’s shoes as much as possible.

Sometimes other people’s problems put more perspective into mine. Mine are all in my head. In fact, I would say most problems are just there. I try to put everything into categories of what I can control and what I can’t. That usually leads me to the way to the solution. Controlling my thoughts is the constant practice for the rest of my life.