Tag: Boss

I Used To Be Somebody – 30th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Perhaps I was a president
Making difficult decisions
A surgeon with a scalpel
Making precise incisions
Maybe I was a singer
Adored by many millions
Or a famous architect
Designing high pavillions

I used to be somebody
And now that I’m not
I’m just another nobody
That everyone forgot

Today I’m feeling:

Lazy and relaxed today.  Still a little numb from the whisky on Thursday but not bothered by the lethargy it has induced today as I was yesterday.  I thought that I might read and play guitar today but have managed to do neither.

Today I’m grateful for:

Boss at Utopia for making me my final coffees that he will make for me as this is his last day before he leaves for Lampang to start his own shop.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying playing games on Xbox and though being aware of it wasting time it felt like a reasonable trade-off today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There is some family drama going on that I won’t go into detail about here but it may make our New Year’s Eve at Mum’s a little awkward depending on who is there.  A culmination of events and bad timing have brought about this drama which feels to me somewhat typically Thai.  Amy and I are both on the same page and we are pretty much just bystanders wondering how things will unfold.

Something I learned today?

Thailand is looking to fast-track the high-speed rail from Laos to Bangkok, as well as the land bridge between the Andaman and Indian oceans.  The USA is very unhappy with China’s involvement in these projects and will obviously try to disrupt them through one means or another.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I waited around for a few minutes to wish Boss at Utopia all the best for the future but he was in the toilet for so long that I decided to leave, with the thought that I might return later in the day but unfortunately, I didn’t.  Was this a good deed that turned vile?

I took this picture on Wednesday because this kitty, as with all little Thai gingers, reminded me of Kim. This was about as close as I could get though as it was too shy to get closer.

Exposed – 3rd December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

These words are a photograph
A fight against time
Just a brief exposure
Into this life of mine
A snapshot, incomplete
Make of it what you will
It’s your story too
This one I’m living still

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again after a good cannabutter-aided sleep. My body is a little stiff but I was happy to see more definition when I looked in the mirror this morning. Slowly, slowly getting to the shape I might like.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s banana muffins, small, light and so delicious I ate three immediately.

The best thing about today was:

Starting a new book. This time it’s Wuthering Heights. I read the first couple of chapters and already have a feel for the story.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The internet is often not good in my room and today was a little frustrating as it it difficult to play guitar along with the app I use and then trying to prepare for my classes tomorrow. I just gave up and came inside.

Something I learned today?

It’s thought that this year China reached peak carbon. Maybe the first country to do so?

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Today has been a relatively quiet day with few interactions and mostly general acts neither good or bad.

I did go and wait on the bridge for Amy’s som tum food delivery. 

A future good deed I’m considering is painting our house number on the bridge so delivery drivers can find us more easily.

27th Feb 2024 – Our bridge will be gone in the next couple of months as part of widening the road in our soi. Let’s see what it all looks like in the end and maybe I’ll have to make a sign.

What is a piece of advice that I would give to my younger self?

My ten-year-old self: Take every opportunity to try new things. Don’t worry about what other people think. (I wouldn’t have taken this advice as I was too stubborn and contrarian)

My twenty-year-old self: The way you are feeling is not normal, go see a psychiatrist. Also, stop using alcohol as medication.

My thirty-year-old self: Now you’re getting there. About time. Keep going with those adventures. You still need to learn to love yourself more, this will stop you from hurting and hurting others. Stop drinking.

My forty-year-old self: You’re almost there. Almost worked everything out. Keep doing what you’re doing. Stop drinking.

My fifty-year-old self: Look at you, slowly getting fit and healthy, mentally and physically. You’re understanding that life is meaningless but don’t tell the kids that! Give hope. Share goodness. Be wary of false prophets and the pedestal you put them up on.

What is your favorite part about your town or city?

Let’s think about the three main places I have lived. Wimborne, Dorset, UK. Sydney, New South Wales, Australia. Ban Huai Phlu, Chiang Rai, Thailand.

Wimborne: After my formative teenage years growing up in the countryside outside Wimborne, when both grandparents had passed away, we moved to Colehill on the outskirts of the town but still within walking distance if the weather was suitable.

One summer I scored ten cheap hits of acid and decided to spread them out over the weekends doing a half on Saturday and a half on Sunday. From there my mind was open to many things and I would often head off out for a random walk. I loved the fields and though I rarely went near it, also the river.

One Sunday afternoon I headed down the hill into the Stour Valley with pollen floating through the air as you might imagine in a fairy tale. I knew where I was without knowing where I was, following tracks and trails over fences and through fields, ending up at the river. I don’t recall which way I ended up coming home but I revisited this walk one time when visiting my mum in 2011(?) and it was still an enjoyable excursion.

Back then, though perhaps after that summer, I would also ride my pushbike around similar areas that led to discovering the old train lines and then trying to follow them from Poole to Ferndown. Perhaps it is these times that endear me to the countryside still.

Sydney: There is a walk from around St Leonards that goes through some bushland along Flat Rock Creek, down into a ravine that opens up into a park that then goes down to the harbour at Cammeray. 

This walk is sentimental for me as it recalls the time of new blooming love, passion and understanding. Long lazy walks with TLJ found my mind opening to so many new things that I needed to replace in my life. It meant leaving some things behind, heartache for some and eventually for us all.

I recall one time, escaping home with the idea that a choice needs to be made and lying in the park alone in the warm spring evening that decision was finally made. My life took a new course from there. That was 1998.

Chiang Rai: It is comparable to the area in Wimborne, a valley that leads to the river. Beyond the bypass that takes me to and from work the valley opens out long and wide, the mountains on the other side seem far far away. The jungle here has long been cleared for rice fields and there have been times that I have been riding my motorbike here, crisscrossing the land to trying and understand how everything fits together, that reminds me of the walk in Wimborne. 

The first time I rode here I was so excited that I returned again the next day. I’ve given it a little break this year because things change here quite quickly so will check it out again and find new surprises.

I took this picture because Noey wasn’t working today. When she is working and I’m late she always messages me asking where I am so today I sent her this picture asking where she was. Predictably, she has exams.

Carcasses – 8th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Held together with string
These bones are grey
No more gifts to bring
And just empty words to say

Thrown onto the pile
Then deleted
A last goodbye smile
Broken and defeated

Whilst wheels are turning
They often roll on clear
And all the bridges burning
No longer bring the fear

Not meant to thrive
And natural to decay
Barely kept alive
Forever felt this way

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions about the changing relationships of friendship over time.

Today I’m feeling:

A bit more lively at first but after an hour or two there’s some aching eye muscles. Again, tired but not sleepy. I have things I want to get done this morning though so I’ll push on through.

Today I’m grateful for:

Aing to come from Bangkok and take care of our cats for a couple of weeks whilst I go to Australia. Amy and I both appreciate that a lot.

The best thing about today was:

Chatting with Boss and Noey over coffee this morning.

Playing guitar for an hour again.

Dinner at Mana Mala with Aing.

All equal and taking up a majority of the day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Time feels like it is flying out of control at the moment and I’m wondering what I will have to drop in the future as I don’t think I can keep going like this! Just stay flexible and ride the wave wherever it takes you.

Something I learned today?

Both Noey and Boss (at Utopia) broke up with their partners recently. Boss seemed a little down today so maybe he’s still dealing with it but Noey said she was over it a couple of days after the breakup. She also says she’s not that interested in finding another boyfriend and that most boys here are too short for her!

What is my deepest hope?

Ridiculous I know but I vote for the old-fashioned world peace. I mean that is my ‘deepest’ hope.

Other hopes are for personal health, happiness and satisfaction. Likewise for my friends and family and then outwards from there to the rest of the world.

I have a minor hope that Amy will be happy back here in Thailand for a while at least.

Hope both our cats can stay healthy for another ten years.

I can control some of these things to a small degree and won’t be disappointed if something out of my control sees these hopes dashed. 

Did you have any bad ideas this year?

I reckon I have bad ideas every five minutes but now I’m smart enough not to act on them. 

There’s not been anything that stands out on initial thought. I also haven’t really been attempting anything unusual or challenging that I might regret.

Maybe some ideas could have been executed better; I’m thinking about the record label mostly here. As I’m a little bit out of the loop with things going on around the Asian music scene it’s getting tougher for me to know who to promote to.

As I’m writing I’m getting a crazy idea to do a 7” for my friends in Stacked State as they are just about to release a new CD. That may be a bad idea financially but it’s not about the money.

I took this picture because P’ti is happy keeping guard in the shop window. I wish our cats could be so comfortable around other people. Coincidentally, check the picture from October 9th 2022!

A Gift Is A Gift – 15th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can I keep the bullet you gave me
When you shot me through the heart?
Perhaps one day it will save me
To put back together what you ripped apart

Today I’m feeling:

Got up easily but woke up tired. The aircon worked last night and I was scared to make any changes to the settings so I woke up cold a couple of times!
By the time of my last class, I was feeling a little dizzy but I made it through well enough and got home to a message from the aircon people that they would come around 5pm. Result! 
They came and checked it out and will go off to find the price of the part they think needs replacing. They said there were ants inside part of the outside fan. That wouldn’t be surprising but also possibly bullshit. Whatever, I just want working aircon!

Today I’m grateful for:

In my search for food, I bumped into Boss and Safe from Utopia at the walking market and they told me there weren’t many stalls because the university is on a break now. So that’s probably why my fried fish lady has disappeared. 
I couldn’t find anything there so popped into Lotus’s and was grateful to find a plant-based pork belly microwave meal, buy two get one free. Perfect!

The best thing about today was:

I feel as if I was too busy to have anything that stands out above everything else as the best. I’ve just replayed the day in my mind and everything was fine and dandy and I was happy indeed. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both my M1 classes were pretty chaotic with many kids sprawling themselves around on the floor like fallen Jenga puzzle pieces. It still strikes me as bizarre the differences in acceptable behaviours in schools in Thailand and England (at least from what I remember). The atmosphere in schools here is kinda nice but Im struggling to see how the kids are actually learning!

Something I learned today?

I watched two separate videos about the war in the Ukraine and both the content and the commentators were totally at odds with each other. One discussed the masses of destroyed tanks in Ukraine’s counter-offensive and the other saw Ukraine prepare to attack on Russian soil. It felt like neither side’s commenters knew about the possibility of there being other narratives and as someone who hasn’t been following too closely, it’s difficult to know what to believe. Maybe that’s the point.

How can I be kinder to myself?

I’m pretty kind to myself already. At 55 I think I’m finally over my angsty teenage phase. I’m just getting started on real adult life.

I took this picture because when a student is not concentrating and looking at their phone I will ask them to hand it over and sometimes take as many pictures as I can with it to fill up their free space and they have to go back and delete all the photos. This was one of about 50 photos I took on Tulip’s phone today. She was a good sport about it even after finding that she actually had run out of space.

The Contradiction – 4th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

There are always days I disagree
With all the things that even I believe
The human condition
Is a contradiction
But I’m still blessed to receive

Today I’m feeling:

I woke up hot as the aircon conked out in the middle of the night and for some reason, my hips, back and shoulders were stiff and aching badly. It took me a while to get moving. It wasn’t until later in the morning that I felt more comfortable again. I also found some nice stretches that I hope will help too along with some advice on sleeping positions which may be the root of the problem. I also bought some gym rings earlier this week and today I hung them in the entertainment area so that I can hang from them and get a good whole-body stretch, my poor old wrists willing.

Today I’m grateful for:

Boss at Utopia advising me about an aircon repair shop just in the next building to there. I’m still not good at recognising the shops here. Pictures can be very misleading on buildings as they might just be being used for shade or advertising for another business somewhere else. A lot of shops don’t offer much information on the outside either. Rural Thailand also isn’t the sort of place where you can walk down the street and just check out stores either. Through translation tools and my broken Thai, I managed to arrange for someone to come and check out the aircon tomorrow though later got a message saying it may have to be on another day. I know all these repair people are busy fixing broken aircon everywhere at the moment.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling an improvement in my body from the stretching and hanging. Once my body felt better I felt compelled to be doing things such as a bit of cutting back the crazy vine and some watering in the garden as well as ironing my shirts. I did take an afternoon nap again though only for the duration of one play-through of Yes’s Drama today. I did feel good enough to play some guitar again too. I totally skipped it yesterday.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Aside from taking a nap and my body aches as mentioned there’s nothing that really bothered me today.

Something I learned today?

In Sapiens I was reading about The Problem of Evil and why do bad things happen to good people. If we remove the judgement elements from the sentence and reduce it to ‘why do things happen to people’, the problem disappears.

How am I feeling right now?

I’m in bed now about to read and sleep and I can feel a little ache in my back again and I’m worried I’m going to feel stiff and achy again in the morning. I’ll try to keep the advice about sleep position in my subconscious during the night and hopefully that can help. Mentally I’m feeling pretty good. Did some reading, writing, guitar playing and Thai study to keep my brain moving.

I took this picture because Tigger cries to come into the living room just so he can sit on my shirts that are waiting to be ironed.

Soundbyte Generation – 29th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

SO … ten seconds … pass
UND … er the joker’s … glance
BY … the power up … above
TE …. ll him he’s … dreaming!
GEN … tle into the … night
ER … ror code … repeating
AT … death’s end, soon … here
I … wonder what … happened
ON … those days gone … by

1st Apr 2024 – Submitted to RagTag Daily Prompt

Today I’m feeling:

As I slept so early last night I woke up at around 5 am with the sunrise. That wasn’t enough to get me up though. However, I’d left the aircon on high and although I think it is only working as a fan it was sucking in cold air from outside and I was starting to shiver. I turned it off and tried getting back to sleep and just as the start of my dream felt like it was going to get interesting my alarm went off.

I got up, stiff and in some pain. I think the topple off the bike yesterday jarred something badly in my upper back and it’s pretty sore. Some exercise couldn’t loosen it up either. It’s the kind of sharp pain that stings with almost any movement and will be annoying all day. But I feel good, energised by seeing all the crazy kids and their stories this morning. Now I’m waiting at immigration for my 90-day report.

Today I’m grateful for:

Right now (whilst I’m at school) I’m grateful for the light rain and the anticipation of seeing how well (or more accurately, how badly) the tape on the gutter is working out. I hope it can at least hold some of the water back. (Later – seems it didn’t rain at home!)
I’m also grateful to the neighbours who swept up the grass that I had cut in the road. I was too stuffed to do it at the time and I was surprised this morning to see it all gone!

The best thing about today was:

Feeling happy and wanted at school. I feel that students appreciate that I am close with and care about them and that whilst breaking down the student-teacher barrier they still have respect for me. 
I think some teachers don’t like my style in this way but it is something that helps me to enjoy the time that I am in school and I feel more closely connected with the kids than with other teachers. 
I mentioned this to Bruno yesterday, that I can’t connect with many other adults here because I find them and their lives boring and that the pleasure I get from being around the kids derives from their unpredictable energy and ideas. 
Sure, I miss being in that youthful state (minus the depression of course) so what better way to relive it than through the lives of my students?

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Recently whilst learning guitar, I’ve been playing along in the Yousician app for up to 30 minutes and then loading some of my favourite songs in Capo and playing the chords along with them so some days I might end up playing for 90 minutes or more.
Today I was getting frustrated with Yousician and not being able to play something until getting it right. Sometimes I feel like my fingers are working without me thinking and when I realise that I start thinking about it and then screw up!
Today I just couldn’t push through and wanted to stop. But after a minute or two I loaded some songs into Capo and after playing along to about five I started feeling more positive again. Like anything I guess, some days it’s pleasure and other days it’s pain.

Something I learned today?

I got a message from my old student Boss (the boy I took to the psychiatrist last semester). He messages me about once a week since he started at a new school but today surprised me by saying that he’s come back. I’m not sure why yet but I can guess maybe it was more stressful there. 
Our school is super relaxed in comparison with others and I think it doesn’t help prepare students for the tougher realities of life once they leave, even just to other local schools.
It’s good for me in that I don’t need to be so rigid either. 
Anyway, I’ll get his story soon enough no doubt.

What would I like to accomplish this week?

This week I hope to figure out the best way forward with using Quizizz in my classes, without having to change what I’ve already done. I think a clearer way forward will appear over time so that I tighten up my lessons overall.
I could set some targets for this or that but I think I’m doing well with all the little tasks I submit myself to every day without having to add too much more. 
I guess I’d like to get this tightness out of my upper back by the end of the week though by tomorrow would be preferable.
Maybe I could get down to under 80kg before bedtime this week. I’ve been slowly moving in that direction for the last week or two.

I took this picture because it makes no sense to me. Tattoo and bakery? And all I’ve ever seen there is a small of street food kra pao dishes! Maybe it doubles as a nifty trendy bread and tattoo shop in the evenings!?

The Sinners – 24th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Cold eyes watch the quiet shuffle
Into the box of hungry confession
A crust of bread, two glasses of water
A dogmatic ritual obsession
Mary and St John aside the cross
Glare ominous at this loathsome boy
Bowing down, accepting absolution
Returning soon cleansed with joy

*based on Anton Chekov’s In Passion Week

Today I’m feeling:

Happy though I have a runny nose and feel a little run down.

Today I’m grateful for:

My students Nice and Stamp keeping me up to date with their classmates’ news and gossip, though it made me a little sad to see them all splitting up at the end of the semester.

The best thing about today was:

Getting my work permit sorted without any waiting time or problem.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Baitoey decided to tell her mum that she went to the hospital and that I took her. Her mum then called the school to ask if they knew about this and eventually Kru Tongjai contacted me about it. She said that she has to be informed if any of her students go outside the school just in case anything happens, which I understand. The thing is that I didn’t know who I should have contacted at the time and I wondered if Baitoey would have still wanted me to take her to the hospital if she had to tell Kru TJ first. I knew it was a delicate situation and could cause me trouble but I considered Baitoey’s trust and health first.

Something I learned today?

Talking with Nice today she told me about her own battles with her mental health and showed me where she had cut herself on her arms. She also mentioned that she didn’t know what to believe about Boss and Baitoey because they have a history of being flexible with the truth. It did make me consider that perhaps they had lied to me but I don’t think so. Even if things weren’t quite as they said they are still obviously having issues and maybe not sure how to express themselves.

What values will guide my choices this year?

Fairness, kindness, understanding. As generalisations at least! What choices will I face? There are none of significance on the immediate horizon.

I took this picture because it was the last one before my battery ran out, taken at the Kasalong Restaurant, PB Valley on Saturday. No new pictures today.

Creator – 20th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am the creator
I made myself insane
No one can save me
Or identify my pain
If I’m the creator
I’ll create a world my own
Mastering my fate
I must do it alone
I’ll get what I deserve
Whichever way it goes
When my world is made
I’ll be the one that knows

undoubtedly inspired by Robert Greene’s Daily Laws

Today I’m feeling:

Happy, relaxed and loved

Today I’m grateful for:

The students who have confidence in me and trust me. Those who reach out for my help. Those that just come and talk to me for their amusement and daring.

The best thing about today was:

The happy feeling around the school during the Chinese New Year celebration. Even the students who came to my afternoon classes didn’t mind being asked to do a little work. It was a relaxed atmosphere which generated a good vibe. I wonder if it was because there were fewer students around? I wish it could be like that all the time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I took Boss to the hospital today and as we were walking from where I parked the car I realised that I didn’t have a mask and sure enough I got stopped from coming in. I cursed myself for leaving mine in the car and expected to spend 100 baht to buy one there. I ran to the shop and when I found them they only came in tens! Oh no! But as I went to pay the cashier said ’20 baht’. A (minor) worry for nothing more than an Aussie buck.

Something I learned today?

Eyes are everywhere. At the hospital, we ran into a teacher and when I got back a student from another class asked me why I was at the hospital and showed me a picture that someone had taken of me there! Chiang Rai is so small that the gossip moves faster than the people!

What new experiences do I want to try this year?

Wow. I don’t know. I don’t want to go skydiving or bungy jumping. I guess my answer would revolve around travel and going to new places. Indonesia, Borneo, Philippines, Vietnam, and Cambodia – an all-in-one trip with a touring band would be ideal!

I took this picture because I was hoping to catch the sunrise as I drove up our road in the morning. It is perfectly aligned with the road with the chedi visible close by. However, the sun was already peaking up so I had to quickly grab this shot. The shot I wanted I should have taken on Wednesday or yesterday. I probably won’t get up in time on the weekend and by Monday the sun will probably rise in a slightly different position. This winter has been mild, most days not even needing a t-shirt in the evening. I think it may mean a long hot dry summer ahead.

Inside The Cave – 18th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Sitting at a desk struggling with pen
The whispers sadden the heart
Quietly goes the evening time
As walls all around rip apart

No muse did visit this night
And the pen resheathed in place
But sleep offered little respite
Nor the purring kitten’s embrace

All disappear in the morning glow
Both good and bad, hard reset
Return to the stool and empty paper
Where no thoughts have emerged yet

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and needed.

Today I’m grateful for:

Everything! Can I be grateful for everything? New pens, the chemist that sold me medication, the check out lady that helped repack my bag and I joked with her saying thank you for doing it properly cos I’m just a boy, the nemo CDs Yukari sent me and I blasted today, my phone, the camera, each one of my lovely students and each one of the not so lovely students and even the students I don’t know that just randomly talk with me and this and that and everything!

The best thing about today was:

Switching to my teacher’s Facebook account and finding a three-day-old message from Boss saying that he has been feeling down and wants medical help. I urgently messaged him back and thankfully he was ok. I met him at lunch time and we discussed, via lots of Google translate, getting him to the hospital on Friday morning. We talked for about thirty minutes and he was tearing up at the end and as we were about to leave he held out his arms for a hug and I felt sad for him as he obviously doesn’t get any attention or affection from his father and he appreciates the help I’m giving him.

This all came after last night when I had sent a message to Mee asking if she was ok because she had felt sick and feverish in my class. She wrote back saying that she really appreciated my message because no one else had asked her how she was. We then got talking and she mentioned she is taking antidepressants which I found unusual as she’s only 12 or 13.

But that is the age that I started to feel depressed for no good reason and it was another 17 years before I was diagnosed so I think it’s ok that it is recognised earlier now though also cautious that it’s not just a quick fix offered by doctors.

Anyway, when I saw her again today she ran up to me and gave me a hug, along with Yok and Pet. They are not great students but I’m aware they have other, bigger things going on in their lives that have an effect. They are still great kids.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Anything out of my control was handled with calm and a smile. Really there wasn’t anything except the usual issues with slack students. It’s so regular that I don’t get upset about it specifically and handle it by contacting the headteacher who can deal with it as they please.

Something I learned today?

I’ve been checking dates and information on Treworgey Tree Fayre in 1989 and found a short BBC video about English festivals. I don’t remember seeing it before but I must have at the time, the violence meted out by the police (in the Battle of the Beanfield) on the peace convoy in 1985 was vicious and appalling. It made me angry all over again. I guess this was something I relearned today.

Write about your siblings…

Well, this is a simple one. I don’t have any. I can remember when I was in Whitehaven, aged between 4 and 8, I would tell my mum that I wanted a sibling. I knew Mum had a boyfriend and I liked him. It couldn’t be that difficult could it! It wasn’t until years later I found out that he didn’t treat her so well and that is probably one of the reasons we moved away.

I took this picture because I forced myself to go outside and find something to take a picture of. Cap followed me out and so yes, it’s another cat pic but look at him. Still a lovely old man.

*Operations – 6th September 1998

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Email with TLJ

T: how’s your day been so far? hope it’s going well. apparently, sheera’s real name is princess adora – hah! pat wrote and told us all. anyway, sorry for keeping you up last night. still want to hear everything you did last night. real tired, only had about 5 hours sleep – how about you. anyway, how come you haven’t emailed me yet?
just doing sdd stuff. got a timesheet to do. email me babe.

S: Only just got here sweety. Remember I went to the doctors this morning. I have to have an ultrasound and may need surgery! Not sure if the Workers Comp will cover that and worried they might want all the money back. I’m real tired too. I wish you were here.
Missing you. Need coffee.
I mean REALLY missing you. Not the normal every day missing you that I day but a long heart aching miss of your breath on my cheek…..

T: i’m sorry you have so many things wrong with you (though i think you’re perfect!).
anyway, had the weirdest dream….I was supposed to meet my SDD group at 11am, and mel (from my sdd group) had sent invitations for this dinner/party at her house, that started at 1, and she didn’t want anyone turning up later than 1. anyway, in actuality, i don’t know what mel thinks of me, cause when we were doing sdd, we weren’t really on the same wavelength in understanding each other – but we were the two that knew and understood the most about it, but i left it to her to compile our documentation together – so the fact she invited me was weird – and i was really eager to see what her husband looked like – (just curious, because she talks about him sometimes).
anyway, when i got to uni whilst waiting for the sdd meeting, i went to see this performance, and they were giving out free magnums (the iceblocks – the food had to come in somewhere) and I saw eric and told him i couldn’t sell his friend my SM textbook. he said it was ok.
then i realised it was 2pm, and i had missed the sdd meeting AND mel’s party – but was still keen to go to mel’s.
also, i didn’t have anything to take to mel’s and thought she’d resent me even more if I didn’t take anything along – so i went to shop for wine, and met some other people on this grassy hill (kathleen was there for some of my dream).
anyway, that’s not the wierd part. i was phoning you from outside your office – like at csc when you ring from the phone just outside the door, but our lines crossed and i started talking to your boss jacqui and you.
anyway, she sounded like a real bitch and really sarcastic, so I decided to muck around with her a bit – being a real smartarse. and she was sarcastically asking for paper for the printer or something, and i was feeling pretty smug saying shit back to her.
then she hung up, and i got a scare because she burst out the door and grabbed hold of me and told me i was never going to work at csc ever!!!!!!!!!
i think it was a premonition. anyway, sorry to bore you with my dream, but it was so vivid, and funny that i dreamed it. i even remember what jacqui looked like and was wearing!
anyway, please explain it to me. i couldn’t write anything raunchy last email cause i was talking to the first year who thinks i am a militant lesbian, and well, i couldn’t ruin the fantasy for him!!!!!!

S: Not sure I can explain but it’s funny as fuck! Lucky you not having to ever work at CSC!! Not sure I like you being someone else’s fantasy. I think you should be just mine – actually I guess you are my reality (as you help me with my fantasies). Anyway – don’t want them thinking funny things about you. Tell them you have a mean mother of a boyfriend who’ll come beat him up. You never bore me sweety. Oh yeah – I’m still missing you.
Lots to say but too little time and also brain is on go slow due to tiredness. Mail me all day though!!

S: Ahh, yr the sweetest little thing

T: i remember after she came and yelled at me though, that i’d blown my chances and i’d never be able to work at CSC – and i was real disappointed. do you think jacqui would do that to me?

S: Anything to get things the way she wants them – watch out babe this is the real world and prepare to be crushed.

T: will keep emailing you. hearing from you is fun. missing you too babe.

S: I love the ding of new mail

T: just physio tonight?

S: Yes. and sleep at last.

T: i think our family is living on the edge and perhaps going indian tonight – cause nat’s bored with chinese.

S: Well, that’s what i was thinking last night while I was talking to Dharmini!!!! ONLY JOKING – DON’T HIT ME – well not til I’m ready.

T: we didn’t get mum anything so i feel bad, but i hope the party we throw her will cheer her up.

S: Is she unhappy – how can you tell.

T: anyway, i’ll keep looking. dad made croissants this morning, and kath got her chocolates and dried apricots or something (though mum made it pretty clear to her she didn’t want chocolates or flowers this year!) but dad
doesn’t seem to get the message – how could anyone not want chocolates and flowers i ask you? or kitchen appliances for that matter – or irons………..

S: Someone to iron too hey

T: real tired as well, though my fingers aren’t keeping up with the brain so well (what’s new) – and there’s so much i’d like to tell ya. notice the length of my mails to yours – mine’s longer – but what’s new? – ha!

S: I’m sorry but I’m happy. Thanks for your beautiful time

T: i’m full of energy babe, full of you, tlj

S: I’m full of you and I’ll be full of energy too if you come right here and sit on my lap.
Soon, sooner, soonest

T: that dharmini comment’s the funniest thing i’ve heard all week – can’t stop laughing – i look like a git. man that was such a good call…….you bastard!

S: I’ll take that as a compliment!

T: love the name. also love ari for a girl.

S: The singer in the Slits was called Ari Up.

T: anyway, if you’re that bored with chinese, try something else.

S: Well, I’m not, so there!

T: now you tell me, what’s irish and spanish cuisine like? heard an awful lot about the tapas and paellas – fiery!

S: Jeez, man you the one who watches all the cooking progs on TV. Din’t you see Iain Hewitson (or whatever his fat name is) do his tour of European cuisine. Only remember Italy actually but sure they went to Spain too. As for Irish they just eat anything and potatoes and you have to drink ten pints of Guiness at lunch time then it doesn’t matter what the food tastes like.

T: love to try them all one day, won’t stop til i’ve tasted all the nations – i’m very multicultural.

S: Watch out for Pauline. Yes – we’ll try them together – you go the meat I’ll go the veggies (cos I’m cool and yr not)

T: quick thinking – i thought you were tired, but you’re just crude.

S: Don’t understand this comment

T: i hate that in a man, and in english food – getting fucking tired of just plain old bangers and mash!

S: What the fick are talking bout sweety. PLEASE EXPLAIN!

T: better keep me satisfied babe, tlj.

S: Well, howm ah doing?

T: ps – HA!

S: PS HA2! Loving ya sexy

T: well, you vague little thing – you say you’re getting bored with Chinese, so I’m a gonna get bored with english. get it? you were talking bout girls (I was talking about food)

S: Ah, well now I understand you see cos you are always thinking bout food and I’m always thunking bout girls and in particular one little cute girl on the end of these mails, namely you , you understand.

T: so know i’m talking about both – men and food (bangers and mash and you). still don’t get it? i’ve gotta go.

S: Yr gone.

T: have fun, love tlj. ps – you’ve kept me entertained this morning. thanks babe.

S: The same!