Blow And Crash – 9th July 2024

A vile legion, no alkaline vial
A third eye opened up to show
The first two burned out and bled
Soon forgotten, supposed to know

A toot of one’s own horn
I found myself getting in touch
With beauty scarily sublime
It overwhelmed, too much

As skin returned from blue
The views up there began to fade
Stirred up in a sandy wave
To crash on the beach I made

It’s not these orange-tinted glasses
Or butterflies flowing from my gut
Reality was just a ‘barely hanging on’
Out of my mind, a door slowly shut

Submitted to No Theme Thursday and the attached picture as inspiration.


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. An easy start and a relatively simple first class with my grade 8s.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to quickly rearrange my afternoon class so that everyone could finish early.

The best thing about today was:

Getting home by 3pm and though it’s a bit of a negative, I lazily watched TV rather than getting anything done.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My second class was supposed to be at 2.30, but a few students had told me that because other teachers were away, they had nothing to do until then.

So during my first class, I was thinking how to start at 12.30 instead so that everyone could finish early.

I decided to go for it and messaged them to come at 12.30 and we would find a classroom to study in.

It was only a little later that I realised that I had forgotten that this class is made up of students from two different programs, and one had classes until 12.30, which meant that they would miss lunch by coming straight to my class this time. 

I thought I’d smoothed it over because I knew that they wouldn’t actually study until 12.30 and asked them to quickly grab lunch whilst they could. 

The class went well and we got it all done in an hour, as the room was due for another class.

Later, I heard that the two groups of students were quarrelling about this change of plan, so I had to try and smooth things over. Though I also found out that this was not just about what happened today, but an ongoing situation between the two.

Something I learned today?

Burmese armed resistance are financing themselves by flooding Thailand with cheap drugs, causing a moral quandary for those who support their fight for (supposed) ‘democracy’ there.

Somehow, I never come across these cheap drugs!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I watched all the students preparing for the drama competition and personally wished each of them good luck for the next few days. Lin, Jet, Namyen, Guitar, Noah, Poppy, Achang, Alew, Wipping, Palm and a couple of others. I dispersed all my coins to them as they begged for spending money while they are away. I think that cost me 17 baht in total!  I hope that they have a good time because they have been working hard on this play.

I took this picture because these are my old students, Aoey, Pleng and AimAem rehearsing their speech for their competition. Unfortunately for them, they couldn’t stop themselves from laughing when I started taking pictures and holding my hands as they were. As with my other students, I wished them well and to try their best.

You Gotta Show Up – 17th December 2021

A boring meditation of repetitious boredom
A distant goal but no one to score them
Successful or not, you just gotta show up
Sisyphus is happy and never gonna stop

10th Oct 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – distant


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to snooze my alarm this cold morning. I slept deeply but woke up feeling uncomfortable so I ended up with not enough good sleep.


Oh, new pen, I love you! But I grabbed the last one available. I hope that they restock them. This pen is called Energel Metal Tip 0.7. It’s cheap, made in Japan. The flow is nice on this paper and it’s comfortable enough in my fingers.

I was tired again this morning and snoozed. It was cold too so staying in bed longer was too appealing to overcome.

I did some sit-ups last night. Something that I want to add to my daily routine. I have to do them by hooking my feet under the lounge in Kim Chi’s room because I don’t have the muscles yet to pull my body weight up completely. But hopefully that happens at some point in the future. There are some things my body just cannot do.

As I was driving home yesterday, Amy called and asked to pick up some ice so I took the turn off to go to the auntie store at the back of our house. As I approached, there is a vacant block just before the store. In the corner, near the edge of the road, is a spirit house and I saw a guy standing, facing it. As I got closer, he turned to look at me. He was wearing a trilby-style hat and a big, fluffy coat that came down to his waist. His face looked brutish, with a rough beard. He was built like a Samoan rugby player.

The weird thing, though, was that he wasn’t wearing anything else – completely naked from the bottom down, his butt cheeks shining out to the road and the world, his skinny legs stuck, thankfully, as he swivelled his torso to eye me. I didn’t catch it and quickly drove past.

As I got out of the car at the store, he was still standing there, facing the spirit house. Some weird ritual? More likely, good drugs. I got the ice and got the hell out of there before he decided it was time to come and say hello. Welcome to Ban Huai Phlu!

We got that attitude! – 15th July 2020

Weird dreams – girl on bus wanted sex. I was taking care of a package but don’t know why. Ended up meeting old friends. I lost my bike – went to a record store that was also a bar. Az worked there – he got hit by a payphone that fell off the wall – I felt like it was my fault. He let me into a weird place with lots of people who wanted to dose me with drugs and kill me. I got this from reading the beginning of the Hendrix book.

Up early today – at school by eight, in new room. Tired but happy. Cats came to visit my room. Tigger wanted to spray. Maybe he did.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I don’t have any lessons today so I can plan for my next video.

To-do list

  • Smile, laugh – listen, listen, listen ✅
  • Compliment two people ✅
  • Play the awards game in your head ✅
  • Who can you connect with? ½
  • Record for Bruce if time

I went to the dentist on Wednesday so didn’t get time to write here but it was a good cruisy day with some video-making and writing. I followed the same points above today and did OK but sometimes I think I still talk more than I need to and should listen more. I did remember to compliment people – two on Wednesday but only one today. I really really want to remember to play the awards game because when I do remember it makes me laugh inside and feel happy.

On Wednesday I connected a little with JJ and First but now everyone is busy with teaching so there is little time left to try and go a little deeper with people. I had a couple of difficult classes today though there were a few students who stood out. I hope I can encourage the others to open up and participate more. It’s early days.

Two students fell asleep in my afternoon class and I got the rest of the kids to creep out quietly and we let them sleep. They thought that was funny and everyone had a break.

Is the cup half empty? – 25th January 2018

The house was empty now but my mum was here somewhere.  So was my stash; gotta find it before she does; we got a plane to catch.

It’s not here.  Where is she?  I started running around the plaza.  Got it!  A big bag of blue and white crystals, I dip a wet finger in and suck my digit like a lollipop.  Shit!  There she is, she’s coming.  “The plane leaves soon, we have to catch the train now!  What are you doing?”

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I run off. “Nothing!” I dig a finger in again and pull out a huge amount of amphetamine.  Shit, shit, shit.  I can’t take this on the plane but I don’t want to leave it behind!  I’m going to be hyper if I take any more though.  Mum will wonder why I can’t stop talking (I’m usually pretty quiet).  I sniff some up and rub the rest on my gums.  Fuck it!

The Beastie Boys wake me up.  Damn it’s hot.  Why can’t I just sleep for another 12 hours?

 

20 Questions Version

*Thanks – 10th October 1998

Email with TLJ:

T; hi, it’s me again babe – just wanted to say thank you sooo much for having me over last night and taking me home. I hope you’re not all worn out for tonight!
anyway, babe, i really appreciate it – you make me feel real special. love you heaps.
About this glenn guy who’s getting married – people keep writing to congratulate him – but hardly any of us know him. his fiance’s called maggie i think. Another girl wrote congrats – she’s engaged to a guy called chris who’s also in my year doing com sci! her name’s deanna/e and i heard she’s really beautiful. apparently, this gives chris a big head – he’s a pretty hefty bloke.
i’m so glad we got each other baby, love tlj.

S: Thank you too sweetheart. It was so nice to have you over and to hear you clicking away on the keyboard while I was dozing (and to be able to occasionally run my hands up and down your back when you hopped into bed for a cuddle! I’m glad we have each other too babe.
I’d be happy for you to introduce me to any beautiful girls!! (Have no fear because I’ve already met the most beautiful girl – you!)
See me tonight? Please.

T: i love you , i love you, i love you!

S: Warm fuzzies……

T: i’m sorry i was naughty last night and didn’t finish my work – because i couldn’t keep my hands off you. well, actually, i’m not sorry.

S: Well, that’s just not good enough naughty lady. You gotta finish yr work!

T: i have a bit of work to do tonight, but i’m giving you my time tonight babe.

S: Hey, I just have to be near you. If you have to work that’s cool. Maybe I’ll cook while you work or something….

T: anyway, just cleaning out my inbox – those jokes were sick – i accidentally saved them cause they had your name on them, but i was meaning to get rid of them.

S: Yeah I know – did you laugh though?

T: keep the emails coming babe.

S: OK

T: can’t wait to see you tonight – getting all excited already.

S: Me too. I’m not too tired (yet). Hope you have a good day – you’re sure to have a better one than me. Don’t fall asleep during lectures OK. ‘K (Drugs are bad – ‘K?)

T: love ya sweets, tlj

S:iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyoutoo!

Your private matters need looking after, it’s way too late, though – 24th July 1994

The girl obviously had a strange upbringing. Dragged naked from the burning barn. Certain things left emotional scars and for a lifetime.

She ran, pinny wrapped around her undignified body, down through the field, tripping on tree stumps he had left there last summer. She ran as though searching for something, turning at strange angles, here and there, in her misguided direction.

The road below thronged with tourists, keen to see the local attractions. This certainly wasn’t one of them.

Soon she stood naked, unknowing of anything around her. Of course, they just drove past. The men in the cars smugly thought they understood. Drugs – huh! The women cringed away disguising their disgust with tourist talk – ‘Oh – look at that hill.’ He laughed, ‘Look at those hills.’

They drove past – into another universe.

All I want is a room with a view – 1st February 1994

White rabbits Mary says to say!

Burnt pizza and Piat D’or – our celebratory meal for this – the first day of a new month.  So much to look forward to – I look forward to every moment.

Me and Broni dance like serpents across the living room floor – slipping our tongues over each other’s golden skin, so smooth and soft.  A mad dash to the bedroom and my baby straddles me and writhes along with me to our own sweet music.

We dance properly to crazy love tunes after and revel in the glory of our own happiness and pleasure.  I fix the room up some more and sing songs of the Suns.  Tonight I feel free.  Free from the outside world, free from exploitation and outside influence.  I’m inside my head and my head tells me I’m happy.  Not as I was a couple of years ago.  I needed drugs to get inside my head but lost the essence of what was outside.  I was trapped.

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I still have pleasurable memories of particular moments and I’m thankful for the experiences.  We all have different learning processes.  I’m glad my mind is still open for learning.  Onward is our quest for knowledge.

*The Week That Was – 2nd March 1981

Single of the week: Restricted Code – First Night On

2nd March 1981
Shall I give my 5-page drug article to the school mag?

3rd March 1981
YES! It’s quite good

4th March 1981
St. Etienne 1 – Ipswich 4

5th March 1981
West Ham lost 4-1 at home
Liverpool won 5-1 at home
Newport drew 2-2 away

6th March 1981
Doin’ me back with all this typing

7th March 1981
Cup
Forest 3 – Ipswich 3

8th March 1981
WE’RE THROUGH

This week’s chart-topper is: same as last week UGH
Highest new entry: Kim Wilde – Kids in America

*The Week That Was – 26th January 1981

Single of the week: The Freshies- I’m in Love With the Girl on a Certain Manchester Checkout Desk

26th January 1981
not very good day
UGH!

27th January 1981
Ipswich 3 – Shrewsbury 0

28th January 1981
16UP about drugs and Malcolm Owen
RUTS

29th January 1981
Quite a good day
More home-taping

30th January 1981
Record of the month
Damned – There Ain’t No Sanity Clause

31st January 1981
Ipswich 4 – Stoke 0
Fitt is shit

1st February 1981
JOHN LYDON
Born yesterday
If you see what I mean

This week’s chart-topper is John Lennon – Imagine
Highest new entry: Blondie – Rapture