Teen Queen – 23rd April 2023

When I was a teenage drag queen
And trying to find my way
I always left a big impression
Whatever anyone would say

Dressed to the nines in sequins
With fingernails scrubbed quite clean
Everyone said ‘There he goes’
And they all knew where I had been

A bar full of brutish sailors
Would never give me pause
No matter the unspoken rules
I lived by my own laws


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good today. It makes a difference being able to see the stupa and the mountains clearly again. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The Air Asia credits that I have from the cancelled flights from 2020 due to the pandemic. That should cover all my flight costs to and from Australia in October.

The best thing about today was:

Finding that roof managed to stay secure with the blocks I put up there yesterday. It survived last night’s storm. Some of our cactuses didn’t though.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Around 8 pm a bug kept bothering me as I was watching tv. Then Amy called, drunk and happy with friends new and old in Adelaide. I got up as we were talking and realized there wasn’t just one bug but 10s of them and then more and more as I looked around. They were hatching, mating and dying all in about 15 minutes.
Amy was trying to drunkenly talk with me but I had to hang up and deal with this invasion which was soon joined by ants too. I found them around the window frame either trying to get in or trying to get out, it was hard to tell.
I grabbed the ant spray and frantically sprayed around, choking on the fumes. I grabbed the vacuum cleaner and began mopping up the now hundreds of carcasses scattered around the floor. I sprayed perfume and lit candles in an effort to make the air breathable again but now, an hour later, there’s still the acid taste of bug spray in the air. I think I got the most of them but I think there will be more vacuuming required in the morning. Bug attack – first of the season.

Something I learned today?

I feel like I learned a lot of things today but all of them inconsequential. The equivalent of gossip or just information that has no effect on my life. I should focus my attention on things that might be more useful but that also requires more energy.

What is a long-term goal I have for the next 5 or 10 years?

Amy is in Adelaide at the moment visiting Jess after Jess had an operation. Amy is keen to move there sometime in our future. I’m ok with that at some point. Adelaide is relatively quiet but still has nice things around for an old man to enjoy. This can’t happen until both Cap and Tig have gone. Even though I enjoy being here in Thailand I know Amy can never convince herself to stay here and we both would like to be together. My guess is that this plan will likely be in the next five to ten years as I think our cats have another five years in them at least. If I think about it now though I still feel like I only just got here!

I took this picture because this beautiful-looking cactus was another victim of last night’s storm.

Creator – 20th January 2023

I am the creator
I made myself insane
No one can save me
Or identify my pain
If I’m the creator
I’ll create a world my own
Mastering my fate
I must do it alone
I’ll get what I deserve
Whichever way it goes
When my world is made
I’ll be the one that knows

undoubtedly inspired by Robert Greene’s Daily Laws


Today I’m feeling:

Happy, relaxed and loved

Today I’m grateful for:

The students who have confidence in me and trust me. Those who reach out for my help. Those that just come and talk to me for their amusement and daring.

The best thing about today was:

The happy feeling around the school during the Chinese New Year celebration. Even the students who came to my afternoon classes didn’t mind being asked to do a little work. It was a relaxed atmosphere which generated a good vibe. I wonder if it was because there were fewer students around? I wish it could be like that all the time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I took Boss to the hospital today and as we were walking from where I parked the car I realised that I didn’t have a mask and sure enough I got stopped from coming in. I cursed myself for leaving mine in the car and expected to spend 100 baht to buy one there. I ran to the shop and when I found them they only came in tens! Oh no! But as I went to pay the cashier said ’20 baht’. A (minor) worry for nothing more than an Aussie buck.

Something I learned today?

Eyes are everywhere. At the hospital, we ran into a teacher and when I got back a student from another class asked me why I was at the hospital and showed me a picture that someone had taken of me there! Chiang Rai is so small that the gossip moves faster than the people!

What new experiences do I want to try this year?

Wow. I don’t know. I don’t want to go skydiving or bungy jumping. I guess my answer would revolve around travel and going to new places. Indonesia, Borneo, Philippines, Vietnam, and Cambodia – an all-in-one trip with a touring band would be ideal!

I took this picture because I was hoping to catch the sunrise as I drove up our road in the morning. It is perfectly aligned with the road with the chedi visible close by. However, the sun was already peaking up so I had to quickly grab this shot. The shot I wanted I should have taken on Wednesday or yesterday. I probably won’t get up in time on the weekend and by Monday the sun will probably rise in a slightly different position. This winter has been mild, most days not even needing a t-shirt in the evening. I think it may mean a long hot dry summer ahead.

False Faces – 4th October 2021

Accept me the way I am
What you see is what you get
There’s no fake smile hiding
Something you don’t know yet

Speaking as I see it
Truth will rise to the top
Connections are only made
When your false faces stop

There’s nothing to be afraid of
Whether we’re friends or not
I’m happily surrounded by
The honesty my friends have got


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the opportunities we have – we can put some money into mutual funds to help us in the future.


A pretty busy but also relaxing weekend. On Saturday, we prepared for Bruno and Nut to visit on Sunday, although I must say Amy did most of the preparation where food was concerned. Actually, no – she did all of it!

On Saturday, I wasn’t feeling too hot, probably side effects from the vaccine and I slept in the afternoon. Luckily, I felt better by Sunday and when Bruno and Nut came, we had good food and a good gossip.

Bruno has managed to get himself a good bit of work on the Netflix film about the Thai Cave Rescue and seems to have met some interesting people there.

Ready For Something – 22nd September 2021

The kids are bored just hanging out
Breaking curfews and running about
They’re ready for something, set to rise
The fire is burning behind their eyes

The trigger arrives by train and bus
Thinking ‘no one else can fuck with us’
The energy is bursting out of control
Electric atmosphere to charge your soul

The movement grew to change the world
Banners raised, freak flags unfurled
Possibilities open to interpretations
Underground rising across the nations

Inspired by listening to Joey Keithley of D.O.A. talk about travelling to their first show in San Francisco in 1980 (?). Some band members went by bus, another by train and a fourth by hitchhiking. D.O.A. were a pioneering band spreading their punk rock messages around the world. He said that at that time kids were ready for something, though they were not quite sure what it was.

Of course, there are other possible interpretations too.

15th Mar 2024 – Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge using this quote as inspiration:

I think if you are curious, you create opportunities, and then if you open the doors, you create possibilities.
– Mario Testino

11th Apr 2024 – Submitted to My Vivid Blog


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all that I’ve achieved in my life so far. I am happy with the way I am. and the changes I have made throughout my life.


I took a walk over to Primary today and chatted with folks there and it’s still the same crazy nonsense as I when I was working there. One surprising thing to learn was about everyone’s dislike of Mike there now and not just because of his brownnosing ways but also passing on private information from their personal Farang teachers LINE group to the Thai teachers and, worst of all, fucking one of the Thai teachers.

Most of the other teachers know his wife so they are pretty upset about it. I know it’s not the first time for him either.

Anyway, hearing all this and all the other stuff from there made me appreciate not being there anymore. I feel good and relaxed today. Nice!

We got that attitude! – 8th March 2020

I am so happy and grateful to have so many options available to keep me entertained.

What we believe means nothing. How we act is what it’s all about.

Eckhart Tolle

To-do list

  • Just Dance in the morning ✅
  • More CD sorting
  • Record another TCRAH ✅
  • Meditate ✅
  • Think before writing and speaking ✅

Well, doing Just Dance in the morning definitely had a positive effect, made Amy laugh and gave us some exercise. It was a good start to the day. We’ll do it again tomorrow.

I spent most of the day in my room whilst Amy was happily drinking inside – she got the dancing mood later in the evening but then got a little teary as she was thinking about our cats, 2 of whom are approaching the end of their lives. We really love them and it will be sad when they go. But we can go at any time.

I’m feeling more in control of my emotions currently, perhaps because I’m not surrounded by the gossip and chatter at school. It’s very tempting just to quit doing it but I feel I should just keep pushing myself and improve myself. I can’t keep making the same mistakes and expect things to change.

Who the fuck are you to tell me who my friends are? – 27th November 2019

Who are you comparing yourself to?

I think I compare myself with most people in my life. Friends, family, relations. Is it productive? I’m not often jealous of things other people do or things that they have, except their happiness or serenity. They often seem more capable to deal with things, though perhaps they’re not? It’s just what it looks like to me.

I noticed recently some people saying things bad about others and took it to be more about themselves – so and so is a miserable bastard, he’s a moron…etc… I have to make sure to catch myself if I ever do that.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that it is sports day today and that I don’t have to teach. Many of the foreign teachers are hiding away inside maybe preparing lesson plans etc but I think I’ll hang around with the kids because this is the best time to be with them. They feel free and happy and will try to talk more than in the classes. The kids are why I’m here.

It’s on a whim; it’s on a dare, To shrug away what we can’t bear – 6th-11th March 2018

Another busy week of back and forth.  I’m slowly getting into the rhythm of the hours and the days.  A weekly rhythm is illusive still but that’s fine, most days I have no idea what day it is.  It’s a big change from sitting around in an air-conditioned office, staring at a screen for 12 hours at a time, though I do spend a bit of more time looking at my phone these days.

One time last week Amy came to me laughing after having talked with the electrician at our house.  Apparently, he had heard, from someone around in the village, that I was a professional football player from Australia!  I can guess that this came from the village store where I’d been a total of once at that time.

I trekked up there again to buy beer for our workers after one long day where I did a lot of back-breaking weeding.  There’ll be more of that to come for sure, barely scratched the surface.  Anyway, I managed to convey that I needed 12 cold beers and that they were all for Amy, whilst I was just having a yoghurt drink.  They complimented me on the house and then said how hot the weather was.  Well, it’s small talk but I’m getting there slowly when I’m allowed off my leash.  I wonder what gossip that visit generated as I trudged in in my boots and sweat-ridden clothes.  We shall see.

Talking about being let off the leash, whilst I’ve been happily driving around in Amy’s mum’s car, or dad’s truck, I was granted permission to ride the motorcycle.  Usually just at night when it’s quieter and we never go too far anyway.  Amy had been riding with me on the back and I think she was finding it hard to control with the extra weight, better to let me ride instead.

I think she almost changed her mind on the first few runs though.  The motorcycle is somewhat dilapidated and the front brake doesn’t work at all.  It took me a while to master the gear changes, whilst also using the gears to brake half the time.  I decided we’ll get an automatic bike when we get round to getting our own.  Much simpler.  I need simple these days.

Tigger
Sometimes, Tigger is chill. Sometimes.

The weather has been pretty good as far as I’m concerned.  Even on the hot days, it wasn’t too much of a bother but I know it will get much more sticky and hot next month.  The evenings, as the sun is setting, are perfect.  We rode out to the old airport where folks young and old walk, run and ride up and down the runway, to get a bit of exercise in.  Has to wrap up before the sun disappears though as there is no other light there at all.  A few vendors have figured it’s a good place to make some money on water and various other drinks.

We walked past a group of about 30 teenage boys playing football, shirts vs skins, and I watched them for a bit, noticing the topless fat boy at the nearest corner.  A few seconds later the ball came his way with a long floating kick from midfield.  This was his chance for glory.  But he had his back to the ball and facing towards us.  His team all screamed at him, ‘Fatty, wake up and stop checking out the farang’s wife’, talking about Amy.  Everyone laughed and we kept on strolling.

We met up with Goi, one of Amy’s old school friends, as we were walking and they chatted whilst I called up my cousin Sharon to see how she’s doing back in England, now that things are not quite so frantic with her looking after my mum.  She asked if I felt bereaved and I said I didn’t really, things have just been too busy to even think about it too deeply, though I was always reminded of mum whenever I took photos of unusual plants and flowers.  Sharon said to send them to her instead which I had planned to do anyway.

Later, when Amy and I were having dinner, she told me about Goi’s life and her worries about health, money and the future.  Similar to another friend who is also raising a child, around 8 or so years old each.  We are sympathetic to their situations as they ask about ours and why we don’t want kids.  For us, the answer is obvious, we don’t want to have the same worries and concerns that they are now having.  For some reason, it doesn’t make sense to them.

After the football incident, we are also constantly discussing the fact that some people around they city stare at us – a lot!  We can understand people’s curiosity but some people literally gawp, mouth wide and follow us as we walk past.  Foreigners are not that uncommon around town or even out in the countryside these days and we think maybe it’s because Amy doesn’t look like the traditional Thai girl a lot of foreigners seem to go for.  I decided that next time it happens I will softly say in Thai, ‘Excuse me, what is it that you are staring at?’  The only downfall to this plan is that if they answer, I probably won’t be able to understand.

20180309_114950

Whilst our garden is a constant battle against weeds, our next challenge will be the constant battle against insects, particularly, ants.  Ants are everywhere in Amy’s parent’s house.  Whatever is built they will find a way in.  I don’t have anything against ants, as far as I know, none of them are dangerous, the thing that freaks me out with them is that sometimes, in low light and I’m not wearing my glasses, it looks like the walls or floor are moving and I’m reminded of tripping on mushroom tea.  And it makes me want mushroom tea!  The ants and the weeds will take over this world.  They are unstoppable.  We planted 5 small Jacaranda trees this week.  Fingers crossed they take root, survive and maybe in a few years time even flower.