Positive and happy though I slumped a little in the afternoon after getting home. My Thursdays now are my easy day with just two hours of teaching in the morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
Bruno lending me his high-pressure hose to clean the mould off the paths around our house. It worked for a while but I think maybe some ants were in our hose and maybe have blocked up the nozzle somehow. I hope I didn’t break it!
The best thing about today was:
Listening to the David Kleiler interview where he gushes in the same way I do about Mission of Burma and Volcano Suns. I think he’s right when says Peter Prescott is a true artist and the show hosts also put Roger Miller in that category.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At 7.30 pm I was trying to watch a video but Amy kept making calls so I paused so she could listen easily and because I have trouble hearing when there is other noise too. After she finished I started watching again but then she started asking me questions about things. I didn’t get frustrated but turned the TV off as it just wasn’t the right time to watch. I started to feel very tired then and got into bed shortly thereafter. The first work week and return to exercising is wearing me down so I’m looking forward to the weekend.
What am I looking forward to this month?
I look forward to what every day brings me. I don’t have any specific idea of what I might look forward to.
The weather is nice so a bike ride might happen this month, but if it doesn’t, that’s ok too.
I look forward to continuing with things I enjoy such as reading and playing guitar, teaching and having fun with my students.
Art took this picture because he said I looked good sat here. After seeing the picture I commented that I look tired. And old.
Always found in the self-help section 4000 hours to find perfection Never enough time to exercise the mind Because excuses are easier to find
Join the green tea and chai latté set Have you tried the ice baths yet? Tried everything but it’s never enough Taking deeper breaths than Wim Hof
Personal growth junkie experimenting A life lived always just implementing Tried until all the rules were set Died before all the goals were met
Title borrowed from a Spinning Visions blog post though otherwise unrelated
Today I’m feeling:
Flat but at a reasonably happy level. I’m not particularly thrilled about being back in my room as I feel a little kicked out of my own house. But I will adjust. I’ve thrown out a lot of stuff that I haven’t touched for the last two years so now the room is clean and more spacious, Amy allowing my bookshelves to remain in the living room for now.
Today I’m grateful for:
The staff at Mana Mala for making my mala soup, especially for me, even admitting they made a mistake the first time and even though I had to wait I appreciated their effort.
Also grateful to those who wished me a happy birthday today – Hayden, Bronwyn, Amy (duh!), Aunwar, Porpieng, Baitong (today is her birthday too), Momo, Fah and another student who I’m not sure who they are!
The best thing about today was:
Going back to school again, not having anything to do, so enjoyed a coffee at House whilst reading and writing, then a second coffee at Utopia.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This afternoon I had just finished tinkering around with some bits and pieces in my room and lay down to read when Amy called from inside the house asking me to come and help her. I complained that I’d just lay down but came anyway and she promised not to ask me to do anything else all weekend to which I laughed as we both know that she will. I handled it with grace and humour and now I hope to read (though I can hear the neighbour’s kids coming to play….hopefully Amy sends them away!)
Something I learned today?
I learned that next week the students will have activities so no teaching just yet. Gives me a little more time to get back into the swing of things again. I only did one lot of exercises this morning and whilst it pepped me up I was flagging by mid-afternoon. I’ll get back into it.
What is something I need to let go of?
Nothing. I embrace the good and the bad. I favour the good and acknowledge the bad. There are some emotions that I could let go of but they are just emotions. I can experience them without letting them have a negative impact.
Over time now I’m expecting to let go of my attachment to certain things. As I age, my belongings should necessarily dwindle until they and I no longer exist.
Amy took this picture one week ago because we were enjoying our last night in Sydney. No new pictures today.
Where the waters glisten night and day With all the pearls of wisdom on display There’s a bridge over untroubled waves That draws the diamonds a gambler craves
Awash with stories, a rain with dice There are twenty floors of a winner’s advice A promise of the life richly deserved Park your dreams in the spot reserved
Pearly smiles are this devil’s greeting The chase of the highs is forever fleeting One more roll, one more spin or turn The future is no longer of concern From the shore or dreams, ships depart Into the mists of the broken heart
Today I’m feeling:
A little anxious about all the things that need to be done when we get back home but also thankful that home is there waiting for me.
(Later) Amy was straight into cleaning mode so I dashed out for coffee revival at Utopia. Once back home though I got sucked into the whirlwind.
Today I’m grateful for:
The hotel staff who helped us in the morning, the taxi driver who told us about his BYD electric car, the Thai Smile check-in staff who was very helpful with our bags, the airport staff we interacted with, the pilots for flying us home, the cabin crew who gave us a snack and water, Aing for picking us up at the airport on time, Now for washing the car (badly but I appreciate the effort), Art for a great first coffee home, the seller for his fish for our dinner. All the people in and out of my space that didn’t kill me today.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling positive and content despite all our running around. Getting back to our home was a little strange for a moment but when I jumped on the bike to go to Utopia I suddenly felt free again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Aing and Now had two friends staying over and asked if they could stay for a couple more days. For me, it doesn’t really matter as we are still busy running around and Amy didn’t have any problem either except when we met them they didn’t say anything except hello. Amy was upset about that and I tried to rationalise it away. It’s pretty Thai style but still…
Also, despite us just getting back we had to drive into the city for dinner at Amy’s parents as her brother was here for the weekend and flies back early in the morning. It was literally, drive there, eat and drive back!
Something I learned today?
I caught up with all my Substack reading over the last couple of days so lots of stuff went into my eyes and possibly made it to my brain. I think I read one article twice without even realising it. Anyway, one thing that I do recall is a breakthrough in quantum computing. I don’t understand exactly what the machine was doing but the computation took one-millionth of a second whereas it was estimated it would take our current fastest supercomputer ten billion years to complete! That’s outrageous! But will it be useful? Time will tell.
What’s my earliest childhood memory?
I’ve answered this before and I’m a little curious if I would say the same thing now. It must be something from living in Bransty, Whitehaven. I have quite a few memories from there but can’t quite put them in order. The most important memory is from when I was 4 years old (and I even wonder now if that’s right but I’ve made it that age over the times I’ve recalled it) and crying because I didn’t want to die. I assume this may have been triggered by talking to my mum about why I didn’t have a father like other kids. Learning about death is pretty traumatic for a four-year-old.
I took this picture because I’m back home and our giant asparagus plant thing is about to do something. I don’t recall there being amazing flowers but it’s obviously part of its reproduction cycle. The other one that grew before hasn’t flowered again since it did back three or four years ago.
With no subjects, you are no king Perhaps just the king of nothing No one to serve and bring To give your life the desired meaning
Addicted to looking on down From the belltowers of the town An arsenal of words to deploy The superiority for one to enjoy The minions though, now vacated The unknowingly abdicated
Today I’m feeling:
I managed to sleep around midnight but kept waking up, eventually getting up at 9.30 but not really waking up until coffee and breakfast at 11. Even so, I think I could sleep again now. I miss the times of long good sleep, about two weeks ago!
I got a photo from Noey yesterday of her and Art in Utopia without me, where we all usually are on Sunday mornings.
Today I’m grateful for:
Dave and Mai to pick us up and pick up Amy’s things that she can’t bring back to Thailand, drive us into the city and enjoy breakfast together.
The best thing about today was:
A general feeling of calm and well-being, noticed particularly when sitting in Three Wise Monkies as Amy drank a red wine and I looked out of the window as folks struggled with the sudden cold wind and rain.
Something I learned today?
Israel advised people to leave the North Gaza Strip before they would bomb there. That’s nice, isn’t it? Then, they bombed the people as they were out in the open leaving. There will be war forever in Israel. Even when Palestine has disappeared completely, the Zionist agenda has made too many victims.
I took this picture because I was quite impressed with this view from the top floor of Myer.Fatman report
A bit more lively at first but after an hour or two there’s some aching eye muscles. Again, tired but not sleepy. I have things I want to get done this morning though so I’ll push on through.
Today I’m grateful for:
Aing to come from Bangkok and take care of our cats for a couple of weeks whilst I go to Australia. Amy and I both appreciate that a lot.
The best thing about today was:
Chatting with Boss and Noey over coffee this morning.
Playing guitar for an hour again.
Dinner at Mana Mala with Aing.
All equal and taking up a majority of the day.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Time feels like it is flying out of control at the moment and I’m wondering what I will have to drop in the future as I don’t think I can keep going like this! Just stay flexible and ride the wave wherever it takes you.
Something I learned today?
Both Noey and Boss (at Utopia) broke up with their partners recently. Boss seemed a little down today so maybe he’s still dealing with it but Noey said she was over it a couple of days after the breakup. She also says she’s not that interested in finding another boyfriend and that most boys here are too short for her!
What is my deepest hope?
Ridiculous I know but I vote for the old-fashioned world peace. I mean that is my ‘deepest’ hope.
Other hopes are for personal health, happiness and satisfaction. Likewise for my friends and family and then outwards from there to the rest of the world.
I have a minor hope that Amy will be happy back here in Thailand for a while at least.
Hope both our cats can stay healthy for another ten years.
I can control some of these things to a small degree and won’t be disappointed if something out of my control sees these hopes dashed.
Did you have any bad ideas this year?
I reckon I have bad ideas every five minutes but now I’m smart enough not to act on them.
There’s not been anything that stands out on initial thought. I also haven’t really been attempting anything unusual or challenging that I might regret.
Maybe some ideas could have been executed better; I’m thinking about the record label mostly here. As I’m a little bit out of the loop with things going on around the Asian music scene it’s getting tougher for me to know who to promote to.
As I’m writing I’m getting a crazy idea to do a 7” for my friends in Stacked State as they are just about to release a new CD. That may be a bad idea financially but it’s not about the money.
I took this picture because P’ti is happy keeping guard in the shop window. I wish our cats could be so comfortable around other people. Coincidentally, check the picture from October 9th 2022!
Right now you are feeling so sad and down about life. One week ago today you took little Kim to the vet where they told you she would have to stay overnight. By the next day she was gone and on the following day you buried her next to the garage.
That first week without her has been hellish. With Amy away in Australia, herself suffering the sadness along with the inability to comfort each other, it feels like double emptiness. One little cat had made such a great impact on your own little life.
You try and fill the space with Cap and Tig but their own individual personalities don’t cut it. They have their own thing going on.
Along with all this is the terrible air pollution burning your eyes and giving you headaches. When you read this it will just be a memory and hopefully you are enjoying the clean fresh air at the end of rainy season and looking forward to winter. Don’t forget this though. This shitty air will come again. Be prepared.
As the ghosts of Hellcat still haunt you, slowly this pain will dampen and I hope that all you have now are the best memories of little Kim Chi and all the love she brought to you. Like all that you’ve lost in your life – mum, Steve, Kimi – they were special.
This is hard to write. I’m sitting here in Utopia feeling a little like not wanting to go home and be surrounded by the memories. It’s the holidays now and not wanting to go out into the foul air means staying home and subjecting myself to the constant reminders of that bright-eyed little one.
I hope you are feeling better mate. Shaun from the past
Today I’m feeling:
Aching all over. Old muscles must’ve been activated yesterday. I slept well enough and woke up before my 8 am alarm but feel like today may need a nap to catch up fully.
I was dizzy drinking my coffee and have come home and got back into bed! I don’t feel sleepy, just tired.
Today I’m grateful for:
Yesterday! Despite my tired body, I feel great, especially after a two-hour top-up of sleep. Slowly I’m feeling (and seeing) the benefits of my exercise habit.
The best thing about today was:
I enjoyed playing guitar today and ended up playing for about an hour and a half. I didn’t do a whole lot of anything else much otherwise though. No exercise at all today. Give my body a chance to recover.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Around 2 pm I decided to go out to the shop next to Utopia to get my favourite dish, Lard Na, but when I got there the lady said she’d run out of the crispy noodles. She provided a solution in Thai that I didn’t understand but agreed to and waited with some trepidation. But I shouldn’t have worried because the thick rice noodles she used she had added an egg too which had gone crispy and tasty, all buried under the usual sauce, tofu and veggies I like.
Something I learned today?
I watched a couple more episodes of The Making of Apocalypse Now and understood more the parallels of the history, the movie’s story and the making of it. The crew went through their own kinds of hell to make it possible. Quite an impressive feat and one of my favourite movies.
What do I hope to achieve someday?
100? To wake up with no aches? Recognition, immortality, legend?
Complete 100% satisfaction and happiness?
I feel like I don’t have any real goals set to tick off any achievements and now I pass the mantle on to Hayden and my students. They have potentially more future ahead of them than I do and my hope is that they achieve some of their dreams and wishes.
I took this picture because this little buddy was pleased to see me again and quickly presented her belly for rubs.
Autoscroll with the eyes Swipe right for a surprise Emoji conversations Anti-social innovations Everyone just a click away What was learned today? A new world record recorded One second, triple crown awarded Today’s winner of the internet Is so easy to forget But you either follow or lead The new social etiquette agreed
Today I’m feeling:
As enthusiastic as the weather which is dull and grey. Not unhappy though. As I sit drinking my coffees I contemplate the day, where I may watch yesterday’s AFL grand final, play guitar, read and read and read and possibly vacuum through the house, though that is bottom of the list. I’m contemplating the week ahead and have to go to get medicine tomorrow morning, do some shopping and get some more lesson plans ready before travelling next week. And right now I’m wondering when my washing will ever get a chance to dry.
(Later) Sun did eventually crack open the sky but not quite enough to completely dry my sodden pants and towel.
Today I’m grateful for:
The vacuum cleaner and the excellent work it did following me around sucking up lizard shit and cat hair. I feel like I can pretend a room is clean if it’s been vacuumed. Just don’t look too closely.
The best thing about today was:
An afternoon visit to Utopia for a little extra buzz to push me through the nap stage and spur on my cleaning enthusiasm.
I also bought a 30-baht light switch and replaced the dimmer switch in the living room because the dimmer switch only works with old-style bulbs. The fluctuations of voltage in the house blows the bulbs too often that it’s annoying to keep replacing them especially as they also getting harder to find in stores.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As I was talking with Amy this evening I realised that this coming week I would need to walk Leo in the mornings and afternoons but had planned to go to work and just hang around a little while and then come home (or for tomorrow go to get new meds at the hospital). This would mean two trips to the city each day which would work out expensive petrol wise. Amy seemed a little annoyed when I mentioned this and she was already tired and ready to sleep and didn’t want to have to think about it further.
In the meantime I think what I will do is do the double trip tomorrow, hang around at House on Tuesday until the afternoon and then on Wednesday I have a plan to meet Bruno and some of our old students for lunch so hanging around isn’t a big deal. Then on Thursday, I can take Leo to Oil’s pet resort as that was the plan when I was away anyway.
Something I learned today?
Collingwood won the AFL grand final yesterday. It was a tight game and Collingwood have probably been the best team this season but still, unless you’re a Collingwood supporter, everyone else supports their opponents.
What do I want to focus on this month?
My focus is on keeping my head on straight, not stressing about the changes ahead and enjoying my holiday.
Outside of that, I’m kind of excited to prepare some new lessons for next semester. I know that sitting down and starting that is the hardest part and once I get into it the ideas start flowing.
I took this picture because Tigger is a photogenic cat.
When the things you own Start to own you It’s time to head to the river And watch it all float away Say goodbye to safety Burn everything that belongs No thieves can come to spoil To steal away the heart When the wind blows away the nest Or the wolves knock down All the walls you thought you owned You see the splendour in new bricks
inspired by the line from Fight Club ‘The things you used to own, now they own you’
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and tired. I enjoyed a sleep-in and feel like I may not make it through the day without a nap but I also feel like my body is recovering faster each Saturday now. I’m grateful for the rest day though more thoughts are coming now about doing exercise because I know more about the benefits through experience. I’m still not quite ready and the holiday will surely set me back but I think it will come one day.
Today I’m grateful for:
My last weed gummy that I bought months ago. I heard that the government has banned weed again though I don’t know how well it will be enforced. All the folks who have invested in it surely won’t switch to another product for a while so I’m guessing it will still be available. While I sometimes like the effects of ingesting weed I’m less bothered about it these days.
The best thing about today was:
I caved to the nap and it was great! Almost three hours.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got back from Utopia, the sun was poking out so I decided to stick the washing on and hope for the best with the weather. As I hopped into bed for a nap the pitter-patter of raindrops could be heard hitting the tin roof outside. It wasn’t enough to stir me though and a couple of minutes later it had become a deluge and I handled it by falling asleep dreamily to calming sounds.
Something I learned today?
Art will go for a walk up to the Hill Tribe village past the Nang Lae waterfall tomorrow at 6.30 a.m. He invited me, which I’m grateful for, but I prefer to catch up on relaxing the weekend away after my 6 a.m. weekday starts.
What were the highlights of this past month?
I always find these questions difficult because I’m not really seeking highlights but consistent contentment and so if I think back over this month it has been steadily positive and happy.
My various interactions with my students are foremost in my enjoyment but they come thick and easy during the work days.
I took this picture because I still didn’t take any pictures today and decided on these two ducks found in a second-hand store, with the awesome picture I got made for Amy behind them.
Who is my witness? Who is left alive? Does anyone remember our struggling to strive? With no one left to share Is there anyone left to care? All the wisdoms found Buried back in the ground Words are often repeated Once the time’s completed The same mistakes are made For which the past already paid
A bit fried. My head is not quite clear this morning. I’m not unhappy or bothered at the moment, just kinda wondering what’s next.
(Later) The weekend slumber has helped and I feel fighting fit again for a new week. Last week at school with the kids!
Today I’m grateful for:
The non-communicative (grumpy?) guy in the bottle shop next door to Lamp Cafe who said nothing except ‘30 baht’ when I was buying soda water. He never looked up at me or said thank you or goodbye, even though I did. I’m getting used to all sorts of people and grateful that I still feel like this is an enjoyable place for me to be.
The best thing about today was:
The slow get-go that eventually turned into enthusiasm and happiness. It’s hot again but I definitely prefer the less cloudy grey skies. Riding back from Utopia I was considering riding off and around about but perhaps have to wait until next weekend.
Something I learned today?
I watched a fascinating documentary about the collapse of the Bronze Age in the Mediterranean. It makes me interested to travel more. In my imagination, it feels like life hasn’t changed there much over the centuries.
What activities cause me to lose track of time?
As I’m getting older I’m finding more and more that time slips away ever faster. I’m never troubled by boredom anymore and often wish I could be. I’d like time to slow down. Could I stand to give up my comfortable life and possessions for a more meaningful and meagre existence? Do I really want to feel bored again?
Pretty much all activities cause me to lose track of time these days.
Where can I broaden my perspective?
I think this can be anywhere and everywhere. Despite knowing I am opinionated on many things I don’t wish to ever become close-minded about things. I can only make judgements on the things I know and I must admit that I don’t know everything. My perspective is broadened every day with everything I see and do.
Noey took this picture because… I’m not sure why actually, but I think I look pretty good in it.
Tired from a long reasonable sleep. My body is aching from all the exercise this week so I’ll happily give it a little break. No plans in particular for today though I might watch the AFL replays as they should be good games. I’ll get some reading in today as I skipped it a lot this week, running out of time and energy. I need to pick up the guitar too. Suddenly I’m filling a relaxing day but at least there’s no real stress right now.
Today I’m grateful for:
A dreamy afternoon nap, spacing in and out of the jazz core podcast. Is that weird? I remember one time as a teenager Jez came around and he couldn’t believe I was sleeping and listening to Crass’s Yes Sir, I Will album cranked up and to be fair I wasn’t in a deep sleep but spacing in and out. I guess I’m well-practiced.
The best thing about today was:
Drinking late morning coffees and getting a super buzz off them. I contemplated a third but managed to restrain myself. I wish I could drink endless coffees without getting so jacked up on them.
What is it that makes you a weirdo in your space?
To answer this I might have to figure out what ‘my space’ means. In fact, I might be considered a weirdo in any space these days. But I’m projecting that onto other people. I don’t think of myself as weird at all.
My space as a teacher: not just as a teacher but as a teacher in Thailand. By being a foreigner, that immediately makes me an anomaly. We are treated differently by other teachers and students alike.
My style of interaction with the teachers is relatively normal but I am one of only two teachers I ever see engaging with kids outside of class. This could also contribute to how the students treat me differently too.
They don’t show the same respect but they are more interactive at least. I don’t see myself as being on some kind of untouchable pedestal that this status could afford. I’d rather connect on a more friendly level. That means also having to deal with all their emotional ups and downs and behavioural issues as they are navigating their teenage growth.
What the Thai teachers think about my style of interaction with the students I have no idea or particular interest. I’m doing the best I can with the little skills I have and if it improves my student’s lives in any way then I consider what I’m doing to be positive.
My space as a music supporter: as demonstrated with tenzenmen I have a broad range of musical interests and whilst this makes for an unsuccessful business model I don’t wish to be defined within a limited genre because that’s just boring to me. Some people get it.
As a person that was in the middle of a ‘scene’ in Sydney, I was also, somewhat purposefully, separate from the other people involved. In many ways, I just didn’t want to deal with all the personal bullshit going on in their lives or share any of mine. Our interactions were intentionally just involving music and getting that out there. I felt that about 80% of the people were my friends whom I could trust if I ever needed but always managed to keep myself in a situation where that need would never arise. This didn’t make me close friends in their eyes but it did for me.
My space as Amy’s partner: Amy may consider me a weirdo in many ways but she understands my aesthetic and ideals whether she understands my interests or not.
For other people outside our relationship, I don’t really know what they might think about me as an individual but they are often confused about our relationship. For Amy and I, it is not confusing at all.
Many of her friends do not understand how we can trust each other and maintain our relationship when we are not together but that is hardly a statement on us and says more about them.
My space as a father to Hayden: I guess I’m not particularly weird in this space. I have never been much of a hands-on controlling kind of father and therefore have not been particularly stressed about his growing pains and even when it has been frustrating to watch him make mistakes I have always trusted that he will find his way in the end and slowly he seems to be doing that. I may be wrong but I feel many fathers deal with their sons in the same way.
There are other spaces I fill too but these feel like the main.
What would make today great?
Well, the day is almost done and it was a standard good day without anything particularly great occurring. It was great that the rain that threatened all day managed to hold off until I had brought the washing in. Small wins.
Noey took this picture because I got up late and Utopia were wondering where I was. That’s nice to be appreciated as a customer or even as a friend.Fatman report
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