Driving away from this town called ease I was wasting time to do as I please Try to fill my brain with new things to do Remembering that I’m just passing through Clearer heads appear under different skies Walking away from that old disguise From ease to pain will soon turn again The town will remain, just the same
What a boy had set out to seek, a man had found, found by the act of living.
Mervyn Peake, from Titus Alone
Today I’m feeling: Happy and relaxed Today I’m grateful for: The ladies at the tattoo shop who did a great job with my tattoo. They were fast, professional and surprisingly cheap. The best thing about today was: Walking around with a new tattoo. It gives a vague boost of confidence, like, this is me today, it is more than me yesterday. Write a personal mantra or affirmation for next year. Don’t be lazy.
I took this picture because this represents pretty much the only thing I did today different to 99.9% of other days!
Let the sunshine in But don’t let it burn your eyes Sometimes you’ve got to win For time to reveal the prize This puzzle piece Is much smaller than it may feel Take a deep breath Let time spice the reveal
One must always maintain one’s connection to the past and yet ceaselessly pull away from it.
Gaston Bachelard
Today I’m feeling: Satisfied though a little rundown. Today I’m grateful for: My resolve to actually sit and play guitar even though I had been telling myself that I didn’t want to after not really enjoying it for the last couple of days. I ended up playing for about 50 minutes and felt good afterwards. The best thing about today was: Finally doing the vacuuming around the whole house and enjoying the result. I can let things get a little dusty and dirty but there’s a point where it’s just too much and has to be done. I don’t have the same resolve to mop the floors though! If your house was on fire and your family were safe, what would you grab? I think I’d grab things like diaries, writing, and photos. Things which aren’t replaceable. Most everything else can be replaced or reconsidered whether it was actually needed. When I was younger I would have tried to protect all my records, or maybe my favourites. Since they are mostly all gone now since twice moving countries the fact that I once owned them still carries meaning. I sold all my comics before moving to Australia and then bought many many more in Australia and finally sold all those again before moving to Thailand. Digitisation of all these things at least makes them easily available without having to physically own them. This is slightly saddening to me but I can understand it too. The kids growing up now are hopefully being overawed by things I’m too old to understand.
I took this picture because this weird tree that Jessica’s auntie gave us a few years ago is starting to flower. I should try to find out more about this tree. It’s certainly doing very well.
*What is the purpose of my body If not as an expression of my pain?* I can feel the relief of new violence As I plan to get tattooed again
*quoting Tarzan Kay
As soon as want and illusion come to a standstill, the utter barreness and emptiness of existence becomes apparent.
paraphrase Schopenhauer
Today I’m feeling: Happy Today I’m grateful for: A practice run of going back to school. I didn’t think we’d have much to do today so wasn’t surprised when I found there was no one around. I could’ve just gone straight home but went to House for coffee and then Oasis for food and got back around eleven. Next week though and it will all become too real again! The best thing about today was: Finishing Titus Alone so I can prepare to pack the trilogy up and post back to Sharon, who incidentally wrote me a happy birthday email today too. How curious are you? Generally, I’m pretty curious about things though I’m conscious that may be decreasing as I get older and my mind atrophies or that I already know it all. Having been endlessly curious in the early 2000s perhaps my experiences since then make me feel like I know enough. More general knowledge can be applied across many topics and I can be less curious about the details.
I took this picture because this highly symbolic picture is me eating my own head. It was the best part of the cake.
A rusty soul needs constant scrubbing Lifting hands up towards the sun Don’t turn around a-snubbing For a journey just begun Spread the word when required Now’s the time to teach Everyone needs to be inspired For the heights to which we reach
We are drowning in information, while starving for wisdom.
E.O. Wilson
Today I’m feeling: Dizzy and tired. Maybe getting the flu… Today I’m grateful for: Amy’s mum and dad for paying for my birthday lunch today. I was ravenous and enjoyed a bowl of nachos. Simple but effective. The best thing about today was: Contacting a local tattoo shop and planning some Cardiacs related tattoos. I’ve seen the work from the studio on Art and Boss at Utopia and it’s pretty good. If you can pick any job in the world, what would it be? I’d be interested in almost any job so long as there was no pressure. Imagine any job and being given a six-month training period with no expectations and imagine this was for any job. People could just keep trying what they wanted and be able to find the best thing for them at that time. I’d learn about plants and growing or be some kind of operator at CERN. Maybe a train driver, car dealer or painter. Any job where you can feel respected and worthwhile would be good.
I took this picture because this is the birthday cake Amy got made for me for today! It looks great and dad made a joke about cutting through the neck.
Savour the crumbs of the pie Scraps picked from the floor Be sure to breed and multiply The cogs must turn some more Money is power is oil is gold Not for some to touch And so the story has been told From parent to child as such Oil is power is money is gold Only for some to touch And so the lie has been sold There’s already too much So savour those crumbs of pie Get back to the factory floor Sons step in as fathers die And so remains the score
Leaving this will be easier than living it.
Charles Bukowski
Today I’m feeling: am: happy and relaxed – pm: tired and subdued Today I’m grateful for: My hair bleach to make me feel younger, at least when I look in the mirror. I’m still mixing up old congealed powder that I bought years ago and too thrifty to throw out. It’s not perfect but it still does the job. The best thing about today was: Crossing a few little bits and pieces off the to-do list. I have a few more that I have to remember for tomorrow too including picking up a cake for my birthday that Amy has arranged for me. Thank you my lovely little Amy. What jobs do you do in life that you don’t get paid for? Thinking in reverse, I do one job of teaching that I do get paid for and I don’t get paid for anything else so it comes down to what might be considered a job. I have a hobby promoting musicians and their music that does have minimal income but I don’t consider it as getting paid and loses more money than it gains. I don’t have any philanthropic jobs. I do work at things but none of them are jobs.
I took this picture because Kim Chi is enjoying sitting on the toilet mat and doesn’t move out of the way when I want to go. This is what I look down at!
It’s hard to let go Difficult to say We don’t know And have a nice day With no new idea Aliens are blamed We live in fear Of leaving things unnamed
Where little happens and the gamut of expression is narrow, life is still full of joy and sorrow. You’re stirred by simple things happening in a quiet world.
Rockwell Kent
Today I’m feeling: Happy and energetic Today I’m grateful for: Getting new tires and tubes on my pushbike. An unexpected expense but as I’ve not been driving much this month I’ve saved some money on fuel so I have enough spare. The best thing about today was: Splashing out for a decent meal of pesto prawns with rice and salad, followed by a banoffee drink and which all tasted delicious. I didn’t need to eat anything else today. What are you grateful for right now? Being able to order 50g of THC gummies on my phone. Well, why not?
I took this picture because I got the urge again to ride today. However, I don’t think I’d ridden it for a couple of years now and the inner tubes and tires had cracked and crumbled.
Why does what you believe make you so mad? If something else was true would it really be so bad? So angry at the skies you take it out on the clouds So oblivious to yourself as you fight amongst the crowds
Was it something that you lost that others took away? Did someone take their ball so that you couldn’t play? Divided we are conquered, that’s the way it’s been Let’s celebrate our diversity to realise our dream
When looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now.
Joseph Campbell
Today I’m feeling: Dozy and happy Today I’m grateful for: The coconut lip balm I have. I think I’m missing something in my diet that is causing me dry lips and this balm works wonders. The best thing about today was: The brilliant 4-hour afternoon nap I had. It was a light sleep and could feel myself enjoying it! Sounds played on my thoughts and influenced my semi-lucid state. I didn’t want it to end! If you could be a character from a book or film, who would you be? Why? This answer would change over time. I identify a lot with Dostoevsky’s Underground Man but that is a me from the past. I recognise the thoughts but no longer think like that. Me, now? I don’t know. Alice? As I often contemplate the wonder in the world around me. …I realise I’m reading the question wrong. If I could be a character…. I suppose when reading a good book or watching a great movie you become the characters in them. If I could choose though…? I’m struggling to think of an answer. I think it may pop into my head when I come across it in the future. Perhaps I’ll return to this question then.
I took this picture because this is the valley I live in. My house is near the mountains there on the horizon to the right. Behind me are mountains on the other side of the valley, a similar distance away. Zooming in you can see three levels of mountains with smaller valleys in between, places where I’ve ridden my bike around many times. Now I’m enjoying the discovery of the big wide valley. It’s beautiful and I’m lucky and grateful and can’t believe I’ve ended up here.
See the fruits of discipline and skill as the richest pleasures of all.
Robert Greene
Today I’m feeling: am: flat – pm: happy and enthusiastic Today I’m grateful for: Being able to fix the number plate on my bike for just 69 baht. The first shop I tried the guy just pointed down an aisle but didn’t help me at all. I couldn’t find the part I needed so went to another shop instead and the lady there went and got what I needed. She gets my money. I guess I’m also grateful that I never got stopped whilst riding around without the plate for the previous 24 hours. The best thing about today was: Finally sitting down to play guitar again after a couple of lazy days. I figured I’d give it ten minutes but ended playing for an hour and a half. Currently reading the Clash bio and hearing about how quickly they became skilled has motivated me a bit more. Take a selfie. Not a selfie type.
This is from yesterday. I took this picture because this was the destination that I marked on my map that I almost gave up on a couple of times on the way. I want to go back and I want to keep going!
The law of progress holds that everything now must be better than what was there before. If you want something better, and better, and better, you lose the good. The good is no longer even being measured.
Hanna Arendt
Today I’m feeling: Excited, thoughtful and dizzy Today I’m grateful for: Sunscreen. Thank you for protecting me today when it was impossible to escape the sun. Your smell does make me miss the beach though. The best thing about today was: My long long long ass bike ride to mountains previously unexplored. So much beauty along the way. It’s a paradise. For me, for now. What brand best represents your values? Hmmm…weird question. I don’t know what values brands have. Perhaps they promote themselves with having a particular value… I don’t know. What most folks identify with brands I feel no affinity with at all. To me, brands value one thing and one thing only and that is money. If their products are good then good because they fucking should be!
I took this picture because this magnificent tree stood out after turning back towards the temple from the river at Toeng. So much shade, in my mind I transported it back to our garden and I could sit under it all day.
A coin to gain entry A seat for the sunset, sir? Do not trust the dawn For it may never occur Take your pick of the tables Or perhaps up there in the tree? The smartest trick the Devil Sold to you that which is free
inspired by a passage from Titus Alone by Mervyn Peake
We say that at home, we can ‘be ourselves.’ Everywhere else, we are someone else.
Matthew Desmond
Today I’m feeling: Relaxed Today I’m grateful for: Amy finding a new place to move to already, just 2 days after finding out she would have to move. One of her housemates was crying that Amy will leave so soon. That is the effect Amy has on people. I’m so lucky she is part of my life. The best thing about today was: Reading comics and finding more to read. I’m trying to catch up on 2000AD and Judge Dredd and after about 5 years (maybe more) I’m still only up to 1995! Can this be considered a long-term goal? Sometimes, when I’m high I consider how trivial, inconsequential and boring the things I’m interested in are! Then I think that I’m not alone. Almost everyone’s interests these days are insubstantial and niche. It makes it hard to get enthusiastic apart promoting music through tenzenmen sometimes. Sometimes it feels like me and three other people really dig something and I don’t have the energy to try and break through to others who have their own particular niche interests. If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say? I would take it down. What a blight! I would sell it for advertising. What is one more ad in the scheme of things? I would have it display a new positive quote every day. I would paint it the same colour as what is behind it.
I took this picture because I went on a little bike ride past Hacienda where there used to be a rubbish-burning collection point. It’s gone now and the land is slowly being dug out to fill in reclaimed rice fields for new buildings. This clump of bamboo sits atop a last piece of the old land and will soon be gone too. I found a track opposite that wasn’t marked on the map but when I switched to satellite view was clearly a proper dirt road at one point though now it was covered with grass again. I ponder about contacting Google to send me a camera so they can update their maps but the only person who benefits from this would be me. All the locals already know these tracks and paths and it’s only stupid me that goes off exploring and getting fucked up by google maps leading me into rivers or walls.
1994ever 