Tag: exercise

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #43 – 20th June 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This week there’s music from Outside In, Deerhoof, PFM, The Small Faces, This Heat, Debile Menthol, Quizz Kidz, Magma, MC5, Lightning Bolt, The Vibrators, Unsane and The Shades.

Brain Dump

Fed cats but forgot to check KimChi didn’t eat Cap’s food. Cap’s so lovely – follows Amy everywhere. So fluffy and gentle. Kim teases him all the time and Tigger seems to hate him! Which cat am I? Tigger the hater – Kim the teaser – Cap the gentle. Which do I want to be. Of course. Be like Cap.

Half Man Half Biscuit on mental jukebox. On the ‘roids. Five-minute workout. Feels good but not yet inspiring enough to do a 10 or 20-minute workout. Don’t need to push it anyway.

I read – can I act on it? Practical things yes, but mental things? The result of performing practical things will bring me towards the mental things. I will spend my whole life doing this.

Ache in shoulder. Cateran. *

Time to watch a movie today? So many great movies. Sometimes feel like I don’t have time or concentration to watch movies anymore but that’s not really true. Painkillers or not today? Aching eye – tired from screens probably. Do eye exercises?

*reference to The Cateran song Ache from the album of the same name. I believe the line sung is ‘ache in clover’.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for getting out of bed with my alarm this morning and doing my morning routine when I could have ignored it completely. I feel good for it.

To-do list

  • Get up and do your routine – no excuse ✅
  • Drill and put up pictures ✅
  • Sort out visa in the afternoon
  • Find yoga video and Jordan Yeoh (?) video
  • More blog posts ✅

Easy day but went too fast. I pushed myself to wake up and get up this morning and did about 90% of my usual routine.

Went for coffee, watched the Swans game, went to Big C for lunch and shopping. Feel pretty good today.

Reading some old diary entries from 1994 seems to show me that I understood many of the things I’m going through now back then. Feels like even after all that time I still didn’t learn from it. I’m not beating myself up over it – just noticing. I need to stop thinking and reading and start doing.

We got that attitude! – 19th June 2020

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I am so happy and grateful that I pushed myself for a few extra minutes this morning, forcing myself out of bed, doing some more stretches and exercise.

Brain dump

Not sure of the date – losing time! Sebadoh today. Soul and Fire.

Woke up in my dream – it was an interesting dream. I was visiting a psychiatrist and had been waiting with tons of other people for ages – was drinking terrible coffee – psych laughed with me about how bad it was.

Sat down with her eventually, felt safe and secure. She started talking about people in my past and bad things that have happened to them despite them being rich and happy (ambitious). They had tried to cheat and got caught. I told that I heard about it even though I was very far removed from these events. I felt happy that they had been caught – somehow, that they had been brought down to my level.

When I woke up I wondered why I thought like that. And why I needed to say anything. I didn’t really need to say or think about these people at all but I somehow keep comparing myself to others. I need to value my own self.

I was also disappointed I woke up before I got to tell the psych whatever it was I was feeling. Maybe my subconscious wanted me to wake up before I could get the advice because it knows I already have the advice in my head. I just need to remember and use it already.

Memories about a Chinese girl in the MacQuarrie Uni class – I’d liked her but acted so dumb and stupid. I got upset with her because she acted cold to me but still said nice things. I didn’t understand this at the time.

To-do list

  • Compliment – compliment – compliment ½
  • What do you GIVE to the situation?
  • ‘Thank you’ mantra ✅
  • Squats, stretch, weights 10 mins? ✅
  • Record TCRAH tonight? ✅

Back to another quiet day – only another week or so to go until students come back. It will be a little strange to get back to (semi) normal.

I read a lot of Promised Neverland today – really enjoying its philosophical outlook with an odd creepy dystopian story.

I felt good and positive with myself all day. I had enough energy to record another TCRAH and enjoy it. I had more to write but much of it has gone out of my mind now!

There’s a big sky out tonight and it’s never been this big before – 18th June 2020

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The mountains at the back of our house run in valleys, sometimes into the distance or in parallel ridges. In this picture, a valley running off towards the west, and its surrounding mountains were bathed in sunshine, the bright greens bouncing into the sky.

Scanning to the left, the air turns thicker and a battle is brewing for territorial dominance. The clouds are too heavy to keep their water and it drops onto the leafy jungle, turning into wisps of mist. Dark rolls around the skies, dragging the clouds down from above, stirring a big soup with deep rumbles and sudden flashes.

This one will deliver.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be surrounded by caring people that can help need realise my potential.

Brain dump

Drain pipe fell out – who will fix? I can try but I think needs glue – we don’t have.

Social Distortion on mental jukebox for no reason other than it matched my rhythm of lifting weights. What else can I get out of my head this morning? Noisy frogs – but none outside our entertainment area now – have snakes gone – maybe?

Sore butt sitting here yesterday for too long – back – a little ache lower left – arm feel well used.

Now! Now! Now! Not the before, not five minutes – breakfast, school, videos – but now?! Surrounded by things I love – even snakes and frogs. Beautiful grey sky! Rain rain rain – not like UK. Beeping from UPS – what happened – who knows? Okay – Thai and meditation because I don’t know what’s in my head at the moment really.

To-do list

  • Compliment – silent wishes – smile ½
  • Laugh and enjoy making videos again ✅
  • Squats/exercise/stretch ✅
  • Remind yourself about listening ½
  • Keep up with learning Thai ✅

A bit more activity at school today as we did the video in the morning and that was fun compared with the past week or so of just sitting around and reading.

George was, to my mind, quite overbearing this morning, when he said he thought I should exercise more and that he was only saying these things because he cares about me so much. He sounded sincere in his words but I felt a little negative about it. George feels like a father figure and he speaks with authority but sometimes it has the opposite effect – as he has experienced with Bee too – and it can make people just want to be stubborn and do the opposite – or just to think ‘Stop telling me what to do’.

But I recognised these thoughts and feelings and wondered why I was so negative towards them. Just thinking about this for a while actually took away the negativity. George can be right in what he is saying and it is still ok for me to not accept his advice about it.

I also think it wasn’t completely justified as I feel quite fit and healthy these days and don’t feel the need to be really pushing myself too hard with lifting weights and working out in such a determined manner as he does.

Anyway I was proud of myself to not let it effect the rest of my day at all and was curious about my feelings.

OK so he thinks he’s a human sometimes, I forgive everything when I look into his eyes – 17th June 2020

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This lovely pup belongs to some workers at our school. He has a broken back and has to drag his back legs along the ground. He also can’t control his pee and poo. But he’s a happy dog still. The owner seemed to indicate it was himself who ran over the dog to cause its broken back, though we may have missed something in translation. Either way, he seems to be taking reasonable care of him now. His coat is clean and healthy at least.

I would still like to buy him some wheels though.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for these lovely plants in our teacher’s room. They give a great feeling of welcoming and sharing and comfort.

9th Aug 2022 – picture now lost to time (digital lack of care!)

Brain dump

Mid-June, mid-year already, all plans changed but life remains mostly the same. Hüsker Dü – I Will Never Forget You – I don’t know why. Why Hüsker Dü – why do I know all these obscure songs that no one is really interested in these days? Never mind – it’s my life.

Cooler days – wet days, rain. Sticky still – first mini exercise in days got blood flowing, heart rate up, under 80 kg. Can I stay? Get rid of belly fat – still too much. Get a belly like Bruno but that guy has so much nervous energy.

Yesterday was amusing. Life Of Brian reference into Life Of George. Critique of religion. Reluctant Messiah. What is the truth? Does it even matter? JFK. UFO. Three-letter acronyms describe our world. Stupid world? Maybe.

To-do list

  • Compliment – silent wishes – smile ½
  • Learn more Thai ✅
  • Time for zines after teaching? ✅
  • Exercise in the morning/meditate later ✅
  • Practice listening – show curiosity and interest ½

Another day, another 1000 baht. At school, I managed to finish reading one of my books, learn more Thai and felt pretty chilled. I was holding some tension though so that I couldn’t quite savour the moment. That’s ok though. Despite being chilled it was (or felt) productive.

I even managed to start and finish my mini-zine for Aing, just in time for her birthday. I’ll try and do Nu’s over the next day or two. Pretty happy that I was able to incorporate something more creative in my day today.

Also – I just remembered – near the end of the work day a couple of bits of news came through. First, one of my videos got lost in a hard drive crash and will have to be recorded again in the morning. Under difficult circumstances, this could have been a chance of causing a negative reaction for me but now it will at least make tomorrow a little more interesting.

After that, there was some online discussion about having to work six days a week – again, could have had the potential for a negative reaction, but I was so involved in my book and wanting to finish it that I didn’t let it distract or bother me. At the moment it’s just talk and things change so much from day to day that it’s not even worth thinking about anyway.

Dry your tears, we did everything we could – 8th June 2020

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Hot Snakes CD on shelf while stretching has removed Heavy Vegetable – Gar Wood, Gar Wood, Gar wouldn’t listen.

Heavy breathing, hot and sweaty, 30 squats, aching back – tried stretching it out – wish my body felt perfect but I go on just ignoring the pain or diverting thoughts away from it. Wrist ache – thumb ache – from writing. Don’t want to stop. (illegible) today. Dollars – more pain – hopefully, alleviated.

Green, green the garden now so many shades of green – I love it.

Congratulated Amy on her sudden garden passion and all the work she put into it. Drive the truck today – needs diesel – have to remember it’s not 91! Remember yr toothbrush too. Where to park that massive truck? Let’s see – everything will be okay.

Tell Champ you’re going to the dentist. Go to the banks too – sort out PayPal and WeChat.

Hot hot hot – sweat gathered on arm. What else is inside this crazed brain? Get it out.

Slept well, woke up during the night to the sound of the aircon self-cleaning but ignored well enough and drifted back to dreams. Maybe annoyed Amy but she was too lazy to get up and turn it off. Nevermind. Amy is lovely. I’m so happy and grateful every day to have her in my life because she takes care of herself and all the things around the house. Good she is distracted with garden instead of just drinking the day away now.

Gratitude Journal

I am happy and grateful for the good time I had last night drinking beer, listening to Alice Donut and Can, and doing a jigsaw!

Why don’t you do something, at least get out of our way – 6th June 2020

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Tiananmen – America burns – irony, oh the ironing – where did that phrase come from?

Core is useless – short plank – five reverse situps and 16 bike, at least I know it’s something I can improve.

Smoky air today despite lots of rain, coughing phlegm – neck sore from sleep – would like my neck to be free from pain – been a problem for so many years now. Look up neck exercises.

Still Heavy Vegetable* on the iMind player. Foot massage yesterday, good but ineffective – need every day! I can’t breathe anymore – I can’t see through these lenses.*

Fat Tigger purring in my arms – still eager to get down. No lap cats in my life. Maya and Inca.

Little garden changes – making a home.

Okay – some weights. Slowly, slowly changing body.

*was actually Thingy’s Ketchup Sandwich

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to discover so many things that I enjoy. They keep my brain satisfied.

To-do list

  • Read more – finish book this weekend ✅
  • Record another TCRAH if you feel it
  • Listen to Rudimentary Peni ✅
  • Practice mini zine making
  • Scan some photos

Weird day. Felt very good throughout but very unfocused – I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do but ended up finishing a book which was a good result.

Amy got annoyingly drunk by the early evening – but not annoying so much because she was drunk but I got quickly annoyed with her – I think because I couldn’t focus and wanted to – then when she came and distracted me more – I got unreasonably annoyed. I ended up doing more jigsaw which at least maintained my focus.

Then, around 7.30 pm there was a short in our electricity in the house that we couldn’t fix – which sobered Amy up quickly! We couldn’t get anyone to come and look so had to sleep in my room which still had power.

Slept ok but woke up with a cranky back – probably from lifting blocks in the morning and then hunched over the jigsaw for a couple of hours.

There goes my dream, looked good on paper -1st June 2020

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Callen the gallon – those were days alright. Sweaty five-minute warm-up. Sound makes a sound – still Heavy Vegetable swirling around all the time.

Yesterday was filled with so much beauty it was almost too much to bear – it was outstanding green, green, green – Amy not impressed by the photos – “it’s my country – this is normal – this is why I want to see other places.” I get it, of course.

Up into the mountains skidding sliding – bemused villages staring. Akha church ceremony – it was Sunday. It was great – very lovely sounds. Some places so quiet, others cicadas like chainsaws.

Gap teethed stooping old ladies, “okay!”, smokers sitting in shade – pineapple groves – where to go? – is this a road? What are you doing to me Google Maps!? Buddhas everywhere. KwanYin everywhere. Miles and miles and miles – could I see the ocean?

Hours later I’m crispy salmon skinned – Magma CDs – play them one day. Das Damen – Jupiter Eye is upside down – why? Dazzling Kilman – must be close by. *

Cooler – big rain – 30-minute blackout. Oh no – it’s okay. Cold nighttime air, can wrap up warm. What are you gonna talk about? Nothing – it doesn’t matter – enjoy that coffee – keep the cup filled with coffee. Keep your heart filled with joy. Don’t fight it, the struggle is over, everything is changing. Embrace it. Gives thanks. Give love. You’re a lovely human bean.

Fatman report

Weight: 79.9kg
Resting heart rate: 53

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that De Lanna is open again so I can sit by the river with a coffee.

*writing this sitting next to my CD collection and perusing in thought

To-do list

  • Take the weekend with you – smile
  • Share your positive wishes to others and yourself
  • Savouring and random acts of kindness
  • Connect with someone – find out what they like ½
  • More blog posts ½

I struggled today to be honest. On reflection I think it may be somewhat connected to my sunburn – it is really bad on my arms and it’s not that it is painful or that I feel hot but I think I just got zapped of energy.

I got annoyed with two of the boys doing the filming because they weren’t paying any attention to the work. George rightly pointed out that it’s up to us to create the environment that we want to see but I was too tired and cranky to think about it anymore.

After lunch, I sat and closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. I felt much better after that and then, funnily, Dylan and George both got tired and sleepy too.

George can come across as quite bossy sometimes though he obviously has the best of intentions. It often rubs me the wrong way and sometimes I’m not confident enough to deal with it in a positive manner. I’m still very insecure about things and feel I have to prove a point. It’s my problem I know

I’ve been writing and reading all these things but still can’t seem to act on it. I don’t ruminate so much on things but a dark mood can be brought on by the smallest slight.

Anyway, I’m putting the tiredness down to the sunburn and the crankiness due to the tiredness. Tomorrow is another day (though the sunburn will still be there).

Remnant monkey claws – 27th May 2020

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Sweaty workout with the aircon.
Poor Deep Turtle poster, how much longer can it live? – the shelf isn’t straight – the torn poster is straight but torn!
Kneeling to write, sweaty workout for five mins, five mins is it enough? My muscles ache so don’t push it.
Remember two things today – check Aing’s grammar and… What’s the other thing – my brain is forgetting more easily. Old or painkillers – it’s okay I’m okay.
My toenails annoy me for some reason, I want them as short as possible – what are they for? Remnant monkey claws.
Books I want to read. Read and read, get lost in those worlds.
I think the other thing I want to remember is to do that introductory lesson for English revision.
Sitting now, kneeling was uncomfortable, should do at a desk but desk is cluttered. Should write quicker in cursive but even less legible than this, doesn’t matter – tomorrow cursive, see if I remember – thumbs ache – When to study Thai Drops?
This task is to empty brain and meditate – maybe should do before my five-minute workout – experiment with schedule.
Coffee, sudden thought of coffee at Eat and Sleep.
80.8 kg today, it’s okay but want to stay permanently under 80 kg – exercise – no beer!
Books, books, books – stomach okay today – situps – let’s do some. Okay so done empty brain?! Meditate.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to go to Baralee this morning and enjoy the relaxing environment with coffee and friends.

To-do list

  • Study Drops in the morning
  • Make your own teacher video for media lesson
  • Work on Lesson 1 – English review ✅
  • Call Bronwyn and find out how she is ½

As I was going through my morning routine I realised that I should do the Drops study first so I didn’t end up doing it this morning. That’s ok – things fall into place.

We got given a new video to make on Friday so that kinda threw out some plans but I remembered I had something that I could use from Anuban but the files were at home so I just carried on and finished off a couple of other things and will do the video planning tomorrow instead.

Bronwyn wasn’t online so I just sent her a message.

A relaxing day at work all round. There are a very few students around and that is reminding me that they will all be back at some point and the real challenge is waiting for me. having all this time to prepare though is very handy.

Tomorrow I will be able to include Drops into my routine in the morning and have set my alarm for 5 minutes earlier. It’s light at 5.30 am already, it’s sometimes hard to stay fully asleep until my alarm goes off – especially with the cats wanting to get in and out.

Tomorrow I also will try to talk more with some of the other teachers that I don’t really know well yet. Everyone seems to be getting along and there’s no feeling of ‘them and us’ that I had in Primary or at Anuban. It’s strange! I hope it remains like this.

We got that attitude! – 24th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for taking the opportunity to learn a little about video editing. It was time-consuming but fun.

To-do list

  • Record TCRAH ✅
  • Warm-up video and exercise when you get up ✅
  • Double check lessons and organisation of them ½

Doing a warm-up and some weights this morning definitely seemed to put me in a productive mood. I feel like I managed to do so much today – even with three hours or so spent doing a jigsaw.

I was still energised as it cooled in the early evening and moved a lot of blocks and shovelled some stones. I’m pretty beat now but still feeling happy and positive. I will keep this positive feeling going into the work week.

We got that attitude! – 11th May 2020

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I am so happy and grateful for my view of the mountains. I could be looking at concrete but I’m lucky enough to have the countryside.

To-do list

  • Do more weights and stretching
  • Send card to Fern
  • Find out about wooden masks
  • Speak little – listen more ½
  • Smile – do something nice for someone ½

Despite wanting to do more weight work both my elbows are feeling very dodgy so decided to give it a miss. I did go to my room but very specifically just to read some of my book and I didn’t think about doing any other things.

I caught myself just in time this morning as I was at the point of arguing about another stupid school admin request. I did complain a little but stopped myself before going too far. I’m not sure if Champ felt the same though. He knew his request would mean doing double work for no real reason but that’s what he’s been asked to do. We pretty much worked out a compromise though. I think it probably ended up causing him extra rather than us.

I’m starting to feel relaxed here and George is a constant reminder about how easy everything is. I’m trying to believe it.