Month: March 2023

A.T.N.A. – 30th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Another 1000-page report got written
That should keep the people quiet
The hand that feeds gets bitten
Because without action, the people riot

Today I’m feeling:

No headaches but still itchy eyes. Medicine kept me up last night, even watching TV for an hour or so but I don’t feel too tired this morning perhaps invigorated by going to work which meant going to the cafe pretty much, where I put together another lesson.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the teachers in our department that work so hard for little pay and cover the work that we foreigners should be doing but end up not doing because everything is in Thai. We just pretend to do a little work but at the end of the day, everyone understands the farce.

The best thing about today was:

George actually greeted me first this morning and then talked a little about what he has been doing these last two days when I asked. I was quite surprised and even surprised myself at not being sarcastic in return! Anyway, I don’t know what is going on in his life. Maybe he’s lonely or bored or anything so I happily carried on being pleasant and accommodating.

I was also happy to get all my flashcards cut up. I just need to sort them now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Little Kim threw up her food. I think it was from last night. It seemed like she only ate a little this morning and now she’s back in the walk-in resting. She drank a little but didn’t eat and her body is starting to feel warmer again. She’s looking skinny and sad.

I’ll take her to the vet again in the morning.

Something I learned today?

I learned 8 benefits of drinking lemon water every day. I always have lemon water when I’m at House since I heard or read about it before, maybe even from watching the same video and forgotten since. Let’s see if I can remember…
1. Lowers cholesterol
2. Reduces liver fat
3. Gives vitamin C for immunity
4. Reduces some cancer risk
5. Helps you like be longer (probably)
6. And three more things!

I took this picture because this is the school cat Garfield and he was hanging around the front gate this morning. He’s always friendly though he did get annoyed with a little kid trying to rub him and bit his hand!

Fighting Life – 29th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a game of chance
And you’ve got a bad hand
Heading for elimination
Whether to fold or stand?

Fighting for the right
To play one more round
To run across the roof
Or to be under the ground

Today I’m feeling:

Tired, headaches, sore eyes and demotivated. The grey colour of the sky reminds me of the dullness of England. There is beauty everywhere but unseen without a light to shine on it.

Today I’m grateful for:

My rolling massage balls that can pummel my hips while I’m watching TV on the floor. My left hip is particularly sore and needs more movement but with the situation outside I’m staying in as much as possible and avoiding doing anything that requires deep gulps of air.

The best thing about today was:

Haven’t done much of anything today so it must be reading more of Death’s End, the third in the Three Body Problem trilogy. It’s interesting because an alien race is coming and Earth comes together as best it can but is unable to ‘beat’ them. It has parallels with our own historical geopolitics.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Right now, I just sat down to watch Netflix and it’s not working. Guess I’ll keep reading then!

Something I learned today?

Lots of geopolitical stuff but I’m getting tired of the whirlwind of information and useless information. I should just check in once a week or once a month instead.

Nothing that has been going on directly impacts me beyond the cost of living rising which is not really something I can control either way.

I’ve saved some money these last two days by not going to work because I’m sick and not eating because of my medicine. If I lose some kilos I hope I can keep them off.

What do I know is true?

I will die one day.

Someone from Utopia took this picture because they were showing how we need super-efficient masks to fight the pollution. I edited the picture and pinched an Australian slogan as a sarcastic commentary.

The Whys Men – 28th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Kojaked caveman meditating
Declares life is a fountain
No ears received this pronunciation
At the hole in the mountain

Yulled madmen levitating
In boxes across the skies
Searching for any piece of wisdom
To answer the many whys

For fifty years the mystic
Held his arm above his head
Heard the echo from the cave
And suddenly fell down dead

The market stopped a breath
Then continued walking about
The circle of life and death
Is all it’s ever been talking about

Today I’m feeling:

Sick, headache, tired from lack of sleep because my eyes were sore and kept waking me up.

Today I’m grateful for:

The fact that I can take a day off work, go to the hospital, afford medicine and sit inside with the air purifier. I know these are getting repetitive but when I see labourers working outdoors in this pollution I must feel very grateful.

The best thing about today was:

Getting prescribed pseudoephedrine at the hospital for my nose being blocked and irritated and then lorazepam to help me sleep. My body is a medicine cabinet! The pseudoephedrine has put me off eating though. Not sure if I will go back to work tomorrow yet.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I felt like lots of things were out of my control today but just let it go. My health, the air, waiting at the hospital, the medicines provided and then the effects of taking the medicines.

Amy was critical of me wanting to stay here but what can I do right now? I’m here and our cats are here. Yes, this situation sucks and we could change it if we wanted but that would involve us buying a place to live in South Thailand.

Hopefully, this pollution problem goes soon, it’s already better today but I hope it gets fixed properly for the future.

The last couple of years have been really good here. Wherever we go has its good and bad points.

Something I learned today?

Watching Tim Newton talking about Thai news today was interesting as it featured the pollution problem here in the north. Apparently, there were protests at the district office in CR yesterday and there are more people speaking out now about the issue. I’m still doubtful anything will get done quickly or anything substantial but who knows.

What changes am I experiencing right now?

The change from teaching to holiday is fucking me up. I’m getting lazy though other things factor into that too, such as the weather and pollution. I have to find some things to do during this time to keep my brain occupied and body moving.

I took this picture because after finishing at the hospital I went to Utopia for coffee and was presented with this!

The Blank Page – 27th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Falling like angels, imperfect and tragic
We tell ourselves stories of gods and their magic
Foundations built on uneven ground
Where the selfish, ignorant and unhappy are found

Where’s our tabula rasa to write our story
Where happiness lies beyond the glory
Our society corrupts us from our fabled youth
Up our own backsides won’t find us the truth

Why concern yourself with conflict and plotting
Everyone is getting what everyone is gotting
Is there any wish worse than the end?
Our fate’s already decided my friend.

Today I’m feeling:

Fairly upbeat and positive though still suffering from the bad air.

Today I’m grateful for:

House cafe! But not for coffee, or not just for coffee. I did a runner from the big hall I was in with all the other teachers telling a colleague that I was going to the cafe because they have an air purifier and wifi that works. Safer and better for work. I told them to contact me if there was anything they needed me for. Happier to be here than stuck in that hall with 100s of other teachers breathing the putrid air.

The best thing about today was:

I’m happily converting my old lessons to use Quizizz which I’m hoping makes my class more fun for the students. I actually enjoy doing this and rethinking how better to engage the kids.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As mentioned above, the air quality is out of my control so rather than suffer and complain I came up with a solution both better for me and for the school ie. going somewhere safe and getting more work done.

What are my top three priorities for this week and why?

1. Trying not to develop lung cancer, for fairly obvious reasons.
2. Making sure Kim Chi is ok as she hasn’t been eating much and sleeping even more than usual.
3. Getting as much work done before the holiday starts for real because I know I will be lazy to do much during that time.

I took this picture last week because these fruits and flowers looked pretty hanging on the tree as I was walking by. No new picture today as everything is a dull grey tone of armageddon. The red sun couldn’t even pierce the fog of smoke and it was already almost dark at 5 pm.

Anchorite – 26th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I have a window to the world
If you wish to bother me
Ask me for a prayer
And I’ll give it to you for free
Otherwise, I’ll be here by myself
Just my thoughts and me
Freedom is in my mind
I consider myself to be free

Today I’m feeling:

Tired with headaches and irritated sinuses and eyes, sometimes short of breath.

Today I’m grateful for:

Having gone shopping a couple of days ago and having food to cook in the fridge. I’d thought about getting food outside but really didn’t want to go out again.

The best thing about today was:

When I got home from morning coffee I put on Blondie’s Plastic Letters and blasted it loud as I hung out washing, cleaned up all the cat spray around and then vacuumed everywhere. It’s a great album, my favourite era Blondie.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

With low visibility due to the smoke, I couldn’t help thinking poorly about the situation. I understand I have no control over it but it seems unfair to be subjected to it.

However, I talked myself around by thinking about all the positives of being here, particularly after Amy sent me a picture from a restaurant of her small plate of pasta which looked like something I made (ie. not aesthetically pleasing) and cost her 27 dollars! Unbelievable!

Whilst looking at AQI data I saw that Chiang Mai was the number 1 worst place in the world at over 300 and Sydney was about 98th worst with just 4! I’d pay 27 dollars for clear sky right now.

Something I learned today?

After deleting my poker app because it was just taking up too much time I still watch some videos of games and came across a cheating scandal yesterday and I’ve been hooked on the story since watching lots of videos of interviews and opinions. The poker world is a bit of a crazy place.

What is something that I have been putting off and why?

Yesterday I put off updating this journal because I was engrossed in watching a TV show and when I sat down to write it was past midnight and the question prompt had already, appropriately, changed to this one.

Yesterday’s prompt was ‘What experience do I need to write about’ and my answer, as detailed in this blog, is all of them.

Am I reliving my life because I am no longer living? I like to set myself ridiculous challenges so here I am.

Art took this picture because about once a month I’m his promotion model.

No Aliens – 25th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*The era of degenerate freedom is over
We must retrieve the dignity of our race*
There’s something bigger than all of us
That will teach us exactly our place

Our distrust for each other destroys us
And easily manipulated by bad actors
Always a third party invites themselves
Divided we fell when they attacked us

There’s no alien or god to be blamed
Only for ourselves to be ashamed

*Text from, and poem inspired by, Death’s End by Liu Cixin

Today I’m feeling:

Contented, sleepy and positive.

Today I’m grateful for:

My tattooist who gave me a 500 baht discount today. I guess I should probably know her name. I’ll ask next time. Cos there will be a next time!

The best thing about today was:

Getting a new tattoo. Whilst I was in the chair I was closing my eyes and savouring the tickle of the needle and later with the colouring, the pain. I was thinking that as with most things, the anticipation and the journey to the goal are often better than the finish or the result.

Now I have this tattoo I will enjoy it of course but I’m already thinking about what might come next. I haven’t done much else today really!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I arrived at Kanom Tattoo Studio about 20 minutes early for my ten o’clock appointment as the girls prepared the room equipment and artwork. It felt like not long after and I was in the chair getting the outline work done.

I’d lost track of time as I closed my eyes and sent myself off on different tangents of thought until my butt got uncomfortable and I would adjust my position whilst trying to keep my right arm still and so on until it was time for a break before colouring.

I was shocked to see it was already 1.30. I didn’t really have any other plans for today anyway so I just accepted the situation and when I got home I ate and watched videos and TV until I’m here now in bed past midnight.

Tomorrow I have to take Tigger to the vet for one more vaccine but it doesn’t really matter what time so I’m sure to sleep in a bit.

Something I learned today?

When I woke up this morning I could already smell the air pollution from the smoke, even indoors. Outside looked abysmal too but I didn’t think too much about it as it’s kind of expected at this time of year and nothing ever gets done to try and remedy the situation.

In the afternoon Amy messaged me that the AQI was over 600! I thought that couldn’t be right. It was around 250 yesterday and today didn’t seem that much worse but I checked the app and sure enough, she was right. This was another reason for not doing much else today – just sitting in the living room with aircon and purifier trying not to develop lung cancer. I have headaches and bloody snot and do not feel 100%.

I took this picture because this is the lovely dog at the tattoo shop. He’s very soft and gentle.

Put It Together – 24th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Forever putting ourselves back together
Is the method to make ourselves stronger?
Grief tears us apart and still, we rise
To travel dark paths no longer

Today I’m feeling:

Tired from lack of sleep though still happy and content. Struggling to concentrate whilst lesson planning. Eventually napped whilst listening to music.

Today I’m grateful for:

Our purifier and being able to stay indoors in an aircon room with it cleaning the air. The pollution was so bad this morning I couldn’t see any mountains, not even the nearby ones at the university.

The best thing about today was:

Laying out our folding bedding in the living room to have another option to sit and lie when reading or watching TV. Because it isn’t thick it felt good for my back, for a while at least. I ended up stuck there for most of the afternoon and evening, falling asleep and then sucked into The End of the Fucking World TV show which was enjoyable for its odd English quirkiness.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I snoozed my alarm three times this morning and when I finally got to the kitchen I found the kettle sitting in a pool of cat spray which I quickly cleaned up. As I was going to bed I followed a line of ants marching into Amy’s room, turned on the light and found more cat spray on the floor and fan! Handled with a sigh. I’ll clean it up tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

I saw a couple of wild videos about San Francisco and teenagers fighting in shopping malls and then wedding photographers getting held up at gunpoint whilst working and getting their stuff stolen – happened to different photographers at another park too, and then more videos of cars and vans being looted. The wild west is still wild!

If I could do anything, what would it be?

I’d like to…. I don’t know. I feel like I can do anything. If I think existentially I wonder about living my life again knowing all the things I know now but I feel that there would be downsides to that too. Eliminating one set of frustrations would likely just lead to another. If I think about something like jumping out of an airplane well there’s not really anything stopping me from doing that.

Ok. I’ve got it. If I could do anything, it would be to be able to teleport.

I took this picture because if you look closely you can just about see the sun setting. It’s amazing that the light and heat from it can travel millions of kilometres to reach us but then struggles to make the last little distance to Earth because people are burning the fields everywhere.

Definition – 23rd March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t need attention or money anymore
I’m no longer the person I was before
Staring into the sky, wondering what to be
Scared that I no longer know what is me

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and hopeful though a little tired.

Today I’m grateful for:

A message from my student Aoi to our class chat saying that she missed me (perhaps a little tongue in cheek) and then Jeng said he did too. I’m glad it’s not just me that feels a void after the intensity of the semesters.

The best thing about today was:

Unexpectedly being home by 10 am was pretty sweet, getting to enjoy all the things I enjoy such as reading, grooming our cats, watering the garden, putting together lesson ideas, drinking coffee and playing cards at Daytripper.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got to school late because I knew nothing would really start until around 9 am but then when I got to the hall it was all locked up and no one was around. I went back to our building and found out that we won’t be in the hall again until next week.

Ok, no problem, though I had left all my flashcards that I was making in there. I just hope they are recoverable. I asked Kru Mai what I should do today and he just shrugged and said to start putting together presentations for the next semester, which is what I would be doing whether I was at school or not anyway.

I said cool, no worries and came home! I’m thankful the environment here is flexible in this way, not like at previous schools.

In the afternoon I did start putting together my plans for my classes whilst enjoying coffees at Daytripper. Well, why not?

Something I learned today?

I watched a video advising how best to play barre chords on guitar. I’m still struggling with these and my hand and wrist get tired quickly so I’m looking for all the tips I can get. Want to keep playing, and improve my skill and speed. It’s going to be slow for an old bloke like me.

What is something positive happening in my life right now?

I’m feeling pretty positive about everything at the moment though I’m trying to think of something specific. It’s just me and Cap here in bed, in the aircon and…and what? So long as my brain doesn’t fall into a loop of negative thoughts I consider everything positively. Ok got it. The positive thing happening in my life right now is my thoughts.

I took this picture because I thought this plant had died as all the leaves had curled up brown. I secretly held out hope but there was nothing for six months until a couple of weeks ago, new growth and now the unfurling. Amazing.

Making Tracks – 22nd March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When the road is muddy the air is clear
So follows the only road out of here
And when the road is dust the air is thick
Steps are laboured as the cart is sick
Trails are blazed along dotted lines
Paths that were paved in ancient times
Making tracks towards the next fire
Making monuments that will inspire

Today I’m feeling:

Happy enough despite having to be at school. Utilising the time this morning to glue some flashcards for next semester. Messy and mind-numbing but at least not looking at the phone or watching anime as some other teachers are doing.

Today I’m grateful for:

Strawberry season. I know I did this one recently but I just ate a punnet of juicy rippers from the hill tribe lady and her snotty-nosed kid outside 7-11. Delicious.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out what classes I will teach next semester which also includes a new class for me with M4 students (15/16-year-olds) in the hospitality program. Many of the students haven’t studied in English programs so it’s just like teaching elementary level again. It should be fun and at least something new to try.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I didn’t have any control over where I had to be today which was in the school hall with all the other teachers. In the morning we just heard the directors talking about what we will do but as it was all in Thai there was little for us to do. I had planned for this and brought my components to make flashcards while waiting. Not sure what we have to do this afternoon yet but I hope I get more glue time.

Something I learned today?

David laughed when I talked about glue being made from horses (at one time at least) as he didn’t believe me until he looked it up online. He thought he was getting high off the fumes but I didn’t think that they would have glue you could get high on at schools but then, this is Thailand.

What did I learn? I met Indian Paul in the hall and he told me he was upset. He told me how next semester he has been given a co-teacher that he has had problems with before. I laughed and told him this is his reward for being given the teacher of the year award this semester. Sometimes it’s better to keep your head down!

What does contentment mean to me?

Contentment means no stress from difficult people. Stress is ok and people being difficult can be ok too but combined means discontent.

I took this picture because I was watering the jacarandas and turned around to see the dappled sky in the sunset. Home.

Done – 21st March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In the time it took to read this line
A million things could’ve been done
I’m feeling fine, searching for the perfect rhyme
Though perhaps this isn’t the one

Did you do the things you always wanted to?
Or just work away the days
I guess it’s true we never think things through
And time is the crime that never pays

Today I’m feeling:

Good but a little tired due to sleeping late. Walked to Utopia as a counter to having an afternoon nap, coming to try their new Affagato which has got my heart racing. Contemplating what to do if I go home or to walk on to Daytripper but then what to do there…

Today I’m grateful for:

My crappy old earphones that allowed me to listen to a podcast as I walked around in the heat. Am I the old man that prefers to listen to people talking about music rather than listening to music?

The best thing about today was:

In the afternoon, after walking back home and having a shower I felt inspired to read and got hungry so ate my salad before calling Amy at cat feeding time.

Still with some energy, I did a bit of watering as dusk settled in.

As I went to close the gate I was still not satisfied and decided to pull up the vines that grow behind our driveway’s tall grass. Pulling them out is a great feeling and I didn’t really notice the humidity, the grass cuts on my fingers and my itchy skin until Tangmo came along and distracted me and we played with his rope which he happily brought back each time I threw it.

In total darkness now I got back inside and had my third shower for the day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

A message came through for teachers to spend the next week or so crammed in the big hall doing lesson plans. I reckon we’ll be able to drift out pretty quickly but still, it’s not a thrilling prospect, especially as I’m already doing lots of work around my lessons.

Oh well, I have a plan to do the flashcard glueing whilst I’m there rather than do it at home. That’s a good use of the time for me at least. I’ll get my head around everything else and it will be ok.

Something I learned today?

A study produced by Ipsos in Paris found that the Chinese are overwhelmingly the happiest people of the 32 countries questioned. Of course, it’s just one study and people are quick to bring up other studies as counterarguments but there seem to be more and more of these kinds of positive happiness studies of China appearing.

What is the most beautiful place I’ve ever visited?

I’ve seen some beautiful places in Australia, China, Japan, Thailand, Malaysia and pretty much most places I’ve been.

But sometimes there are simple places that stand out not just because of their beauty, which may be seen at any time of year or over the years and decades; places that brought a euphoria with them that might never be repeated, the smells and sounds nostalgic indicators, the people those moments may have been shared with.

Riding a pushbike through Branksome Chine, a hidden pond in the English countryside discovered one summer evening, the rocks off the path in the bush down to Middle Harbour discovered during a lunch break with TLJ, in an artists warehouse anticipating bands to perform.

I took this picture because I’d noticed these flowers on the weekend as I rode home. As I was walking today I had time to stop and grab this shot.