The man with the winning smile Wins a front-page reward His shiny teeth are squeaky clean But he speaks like a machine And everyone got bored
The man stands above the crowd Surveys the plebs around A swinging dick and shiny head But a nightly empty bed With no friends to be found
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and chilled. Cancelled riding over to see Matt as I feel lazy and want to enjoy my home for another day. May go to Daytripper later but I thought that yesterday and ended up not getting there.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nut and Bruno again, this time bringing me food because they are going away for a week. A whole banoffee. I need to work these calories off!
The best thing about today was:
Walking in our driveway in the dark and looking at the clear night sky and the brightest nearest stars. I do this most nights and feel how inconsequential I am in the bigger scheme. I’m smaller than an ant. An atom or even less.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had minimal interactions with people today and nothing went wrong at home. I have spent 95% of the day in my head where I had full (?) control. Maybe I couldn’t control my laziness today and I handled that with a delicious nap.
Something I learned today?
I learned that I can use ChatGPT to write lesson plans! But I will investigate more as I want to come up with more fun ideas for the classroom.
What are your top two favourite apps or websites?
Website is definitely Bandcamp as I use it to host promote and sell the tenzenmen catalogue. It’s easy to use as a seller and as a buyer and researcher.
As for an app, apart from this one (Day One) at the moment, it is probably Substack as it collects interesting newsletters for me to read when I’m free, rather than clogging up my inbox.
Art took this picture because he used it to post to Facebook to show Utopia is open. I don’t like myself in this picture though. I’d like to cut off my sagging chin!
A day of too much time Passes by lethargically slow Nothing got done And the day is gone before you know
Today I’m feeling:
Motivated and relaxed
Today I’m grateful for:
Our drain cleaning tool (again). It’s a bit of an effort but gets our pipes cleared 90% of the time and is a simple device. Good decision to buy it.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling like I did very little and realizing I’d done quite a lot, tasks that I knew would take some effort like fixing the screen outside my room and cleaning the gutter from the garage roof, which has my toe throbbing from a nasty cut. I’m feeling half dead and half alive. I know I could’ve done a lot more today but everything felt like there was little hurry.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing much today. Late afternoon I found the neighbour’s kids riding around our lawn and I found it amusing kind of reminding me of my old home in Whitehaven and the garden we had there where we left it open so people could easily walk through the alleys. We had many lodgers who came and went and I was used to there being many different and changing people around.
Anyway, whilst it’s not out of my control it is something I’m choosing not to control.
Something I learned today?
I got into watching One Championship women’s atomweight fighting and had been following teenager Victoria Lee, younger sister to Angela.
Today I found out that she died on December 26th aged just 18. She didn’t look much different to my students and had a bright future ahead. Although her death has no personal meaning to me it doesn’t seem fair or right. I also feel extremely lucky to be here at 55.
Have you ever been bullied?
When I was in middle school I was bullied by older kids. I purposely stood out as the only ‘real’ punk kid and was tormented by the older kids calling me Sid. I tried to brush it off but it definitely helped make me bitter towards humanity.
I couldn’t understand how people could be so normal and boring and also not furious at the situation they were growing up into. I didn’t want to be them so I brought it on myself but better that than an average Joe.
When I became one of the older kids I sometimes resorted to bullying but I understood it wasn’t the right way to go about things. I also wasn’t beefy enough to be threatening.
I did acquire a vicious tongue though and was never afraid to speak my mind.
I took this picture because this gunk came out of my bathroom sink pipes! No wonder water was backing up. I could only unblock it so far and not sure how long it will be before I have to do this again. So much for a beautiful picture every day. However, it should be recognised I can do some dirty work every now and then. My hands aren’t always soft and clean.
Quiet as a mouse Softer than a lamb Tighter than a clam Dead as a…. (Lizard tail) Roses are red My blood turned blue Shadow in tarmac Ah! Fuck you! Frog, dead frog Dead frog Dead
To the tune of Nomeansno’s Dead Bob and inspired by the titular dead frogs that litter our road, squashed to shadows of themselves.
Today I’m feeling:
Enthusiastic though a little tired. Skipped morning exercise for 20 minutes of extra dreaming this morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
Yukari in Japan for sending me CDs last year and when they didn’t arrive she sent new ones. The original package arrived today!
The best thing about today was:
Sitting in my classroom before the kids arrived but sat in a different corner for a different perspective and supping a surprisingly delicious coffee. Savouring every second before the whirlwind commences.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As usual, my lazy classes turning up late with excuses and nonsense. I did what I could with what I had and lowered my expectations. The kids who were there stayed after class and we ended up having a better time than usual.
Something I learned today?
Guangdong province in China has turned around serious pollution problems from 20 years ago and is now winning awards for the transformation of its natural resources. Some of the videos look stunning. I’d love to go to China again sometime.
What would you do if you lost all your possessions?
I’d look forward to the gathering of many of them again. I love the search more than the ownership. I should do an online business to satisfy myself. Then I don’t need to keep the things I possess but just keep buying and selling.
I took this picture because I reminded myself that I need to take pictures (of something beautiful preferably) so when I was on my way back to school I took this picture. This reservoir is opposite the school grounds and it is an obvious attraction for students to feel thrilled and illicit.
A wife beater A woman hater A grinning smile A facade facile Every inch a man God his creator A good woman down A demonic clown A greasy spine A shiny veneer A bondaged mind Soon left behind A final punt A decade gone An unbecoming end Not even a friend
Today I’m feeling:
Tired yet satisfied
Today I’m grateful for:
Pure Bliss Kratom for getting back in touch with me so I can order from them again. I tried to order a couple of weeks ago but they had run out of packaging.
The best thing about today was:
Getting everything together for my work permit and giving it to Nancy. Not as difficult as doing my visa but still used to stress me out. Now it’s become more familiar and feels more comfortable. I was still glad to get this part done though. Next step is to take it to the department of employment and hand over money!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Two students asked to skip my class today to practice more for sports day. Eventually I said yes but knew that other students would then assume it was ok not to come and sure enough that’s what happened – the usual suspects.
Again, it made for a quieter class so that was a benefit. I marked those students absent so they will have to figure out why their grades suck at the end of the semester.
Talking with David I can feel he is frustrated by the lack of discipline at the school, not just students but with teachers too. He’s not so comfortable with the lack of structure and I get the feeling he might quit soon.
I can definitely feel my attitude has changed since I started teaching and also feel I may not be able to teach anywhere else after this. I mean, I’d have to teach properly!
Something I learned today?
Southampton beat Manchester City 2-0 which was a surprise. That will please my old friends back in Southampton.
What are your two favourite places to be?
Home
Anywhere else It’s here or there. Do people have favourite places to be? I like to be in the place where I am. Maybe I could say this:
Inside the body of a lover.
Inside the mind of a lover. Or
Standing in front of a maelstrom of music that is blissing me out
Lost in the words of a meaningful story. I guess there have been certain places in the world that hold a special meaning but they are not particularly places I would go out of my way to go to again. Certain places that were special because of a romance can never be visited the same with a new romance. Maybe I could say
Secondhand book shops and libraries
Secondhand music stores Yeah, I think that works.
No special picture taken today. This is one of Rich and Steve at Steve’s wedding that Rich posted online in commemoration of Steve’s passing in late December. Baby faces, amazing to see again.
A choice is made And has to be lived with It’s not my body It’s not my business I have an opinion But it doesn’t count I don’t need to care What you’re thinking about Your choices have no effect If I’m not involved No need to push an agenda That is so simply solved If I was the father The body still isn’t mine Doing the right thing Will reveal itself in time
My opinion on abortion – I don’t like it (hopefully there is no one that does) and I do (kind of) believe that it is taking a life, no matter how old the fetus. However, as a male, I feel I have no right at all to decide if someone should have an abortion or not, even if I was the father. It’s not my body, it’s not my business. The problem of unwanted pregnancy is far better solved with education and better contraceptive options rather than denial of termination. 22 Sep 2024 – Submitted to What’s Going On – choices
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and a little inspired. Sometimes on long work days, I feel more energetic such as I’m feeling now. But I’m expecting to wind down very quickly once I’m home. I know underneath this bravado is a weary brain and body.
Today I’m grateful for:
The salad greens that Nut and Bruno grew themselves and gave to me. I mixed it with salad from the market and sprinkled on some chilli cheese flavour chips and zinged my taste buds. Awesome.
The best thing about today was:
Watching a Malcolm Gladwell talk. I like his ideas and the way he presents them really connects. I like that he often doesn’t have solutions too but just presents coherent ideas as real possibilities. Watching this also reminded me I have some of his books to read too so as soon as I finished watching I read a nice quick Chekov story. I want to read more. Still.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
From today’s picture and a little below, I didn’t go home after school as I needed to get a letter from a clinic (stating I don’t have syphilis!) and would have to wait til 5 when they opened. When they didn’t open at five I wasn’t that bothered but messaged Nancy who told me they don’t open til 6.30.
I was already hungry and not prepared to hang around for another hour and a bit. Nancy said to send her a picture of my blood test and she will get the letter from the clinic prepared but said for me to pick it up when ready, which would mean hanging around for several hours just waiting to collect it.
I told Nancy that I’m not ever around the city at that time and would it be possible for someone else to collect it for me and she said she could arrange that to which I sent my appreciation.
A couple of years ago this kind of thing would have frustrated me immediately and I probably would have made matters worse with my reaction. Now I’m more attuned to the way things work here.
Something I learned today?
As I had to wait until 5 pm to go to the clinic I thought it would be easy enough to go and wait at House only to learn that they shut at 4 pm now. Luckily they let me stay a while and I chatted with Gui and Nay a little.
What are the most important things in your life?
Amy, music, books, cats. Next!
Amy is important because we share our lives together even if we are apart. She has become my soulmate more than the soulmates I thought I had in the past.
Music has been an important part of my life since my pre-teens and grew in importance until recently. Books are replacing music a little now if only for the fact that I don’t often read whilst listening to music. Cats have been comforting friends at various stages of my life. I find their attitude compatible with mine.
I took this picture because it was already past five and the clinic was still shut. I messaged Nancy and she said it doesn’t open until 6.30!
Distracted by all the screens Triggering more dreams Trying just to do Distracted again by you
An hour as a minute There’s no way to spin it Things ain’t gonna get done When distracted by more fun
Distracted by dumb emotions And ridiculous devotions Chasing the sublime, absurd Distracted by every word
No doctor claimed ADHD Because the things distracting me Are distracting everyone No one’s getting things done
Now normal is distraction Five seconds of satisfaction Distracted to even complete
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed again
Today I’m grateful for:
To the traffic warden waving my offer to pay away as she crossed the road. I think she guessed I wasn’t staying long as I parked across a driveway and a no-parking zone. This is Thailand!
The best thing about today was:
Today has been consistent, maybe average you might say. Nothing stands out yet all the little wins were pushing the way to the positive. I like days like this.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Some students didn’t come to class and I got told that one of them got hit in the eye and probably the others thought they could slouch off and give her comfort. They soon appeared in the playground after class and I contemplated railing on them but decided not to. They got marked absent on the system so I don’t need to care any further. Though I would prefer them to do the right thing, pushing too hard can have a detrimental outcome.
Something I learned today?
I learned about an author I’d not heard of before called Fernando Pessoa and a book he wrote The Book of Disquiet. It sounded very intriguing.
What’s your favourite feature on your smartphone?
I guess the camera as I generally use it more often than other generic smartphone things. I barely use the phone anymore to call people. I suppose FaceTime and iMessage are standard features on this phone and they get used daily to video call and text with Amy.
If it came to apps I would go for Day One journal where I’m writing this and Stitcher for listening to podcasts which I do on my drive each day. LINE is probably my most used app as that is what we use for communications in our classes.
I took this picture because here’s the worst camouflage cat you’ll ever see. I think that’s why he doesn’t go outside much and doesn’t often bring us ‘gifts’
The bathroom at House. I had to go into the city after drinking coffees and water at House and in the time from leaving to heading back school I was busting. I didn’t think I’d make it to school so quickly ducked back to use the bathroom at House – just in time!
The best thing about today was:
Eating the bread that Nut made and brought round yesterday along with the smoked salmon and cream cheese Amy left here. I’m so happy to have people around me to feed me!
Also talking with Amy on video call. Though she’s far away it feels like she’s right here. Conversation and communication hasn’t changed since she left, just the method.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I think it’s good that it’s getting harder to think of things that were out of my control. I don’t recognise those things so easily now as they don’t affect me, I’ve let go. Sure, there was lots that was out of my control today but it was all inconsequential. Can I say they were handled without even thinking?
Something I learned today?
Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken was written as a jest to his friend but has been turned, rightfully I think, into a call for individualism and taking chances. I like Frost’s quip ‘I’m never more serious than when I’m joking.’ Truth is often told in jest.
Where can you reduce clutter in your life?
Physically I’m relatively uncluttered these days. As I’ve gotten older, the spaces I’ve lived in have gotten bigger whilst I’ve been buying less. So the stuff I do have is just more spread out. Digitally I’m trying to reduce the clutter of my photos and music library. This has involved me doing nothing so far but knowing that this is where I can reduce clutter in my life.
I took this picture on Saturday because it’s all about the edges. Where the water meets the land, dividing it, where stories are made and bridges built. The mountains and the sky, clear division.
First full school day with no Amy. Back to business as usual.
Running around a little today getting together things for my work permit. So much paper waste in Thailand. 7 copies of every stamped passport page! Once this paper is filed it will never be seen again.
Good classes today, kids happy enough, teacher happy enough. I’m starting to sit back a little and can see some self-motivation from some of the students now.
Mum and Dad’s plumbing guy came and fixed up my pipe and it looks ok except for the hole in the concrete. I’ll have to figure out how to take care of it at some point I guess. Maybe just fill it with sand. Anyway, only around 600 baht to sort out. Happy with that.
Tangmo rolled around the grass as I caught up on watering.
Talked to Amy about the coming year and how things might work out. I think the seed has been planted to do something here but there are another 6-12 months for new ideas to pop up.
No matter which road you take You’ll always sigh And wish you’d taken another Yet no error is a true mistake Do you know why? Because really, there is no other
inspired by The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost, who wrote the first three lines in a letter to Edward Thomas, whom the poem was written for.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good, a little weird that Amy, who fills up my world when here, is gone again. Just me and the cats.
Today I’m grateful for:
A customer at Utopia who I’ve seen there before greeted me this morning. I returned the greeting and will try to chat more with him in future.
The best thing about today was:
Getting a bit of motivation back, though it took until it got dark again for me to start actioning it. I cleared a few emails in backlog, picked up the guitar again and sorted out more of the neverending files of new music to enjoy.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I told Amy about our broken pipe perhaps in the hope that she knew who could fix it. She called to her parents and soon they were here and Dad was hacking away at the concrete around the pipe. I wasn’t sure how necessary that was or what he was trying to do, but I let him get on with it.
Amy’s dad is ok at fixing things but they are done with ease in mind rather than aesthetics. Much as I would do if I attempted to fix things and that’s why I usually prefer to pay someone to do it instead.
Dad gave up in the end and said he’d find a plumber and come back. I think it would’ve been better to have come to that decision before hacking away at stuff.
I’m grateful for his attempt and I didn’t really get involved. The plumber will come tomorrow and let’s hope it’s not just some guy who Dad knows can fix stuff better than him.
After they left I ate lunch and forgot all about it.
Something I learned today?
The name of the game being played in the Lahu village yesterday was Khosue (in Lahu) or Lukon (?) in Thai. I’m not sure I got the Thai word right as I only heard it spoken.
Can you save your time?
This is a weird question. Can I, do I, did I? I’m not sure what it’s getting at. Time is not something that can be saved. Does it mean, can you do something more quickly? Perhaps, probably. But to what end? I could get other people to do everything for me and revoke any reason to live!
I took this picture because in my effort this morning to do some gardening I snapped the pipe that the hose attaches to. The world is testing me.
The leaves turned brown since you left I sweep them away across the floor Piled up along with my memories As we said goodbye once more
On your return, the flowers will bloom And the bees buzz with more steel The ground spurts flowers where you step The unreal, once again, real
Today I’m feeling:
Satisfied and relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
The friendly people in the Lahu village, who gave Bruno and me a plate of fruit to eat whilst we curiously watched them playing a traditional spinning tops sport.
The best thing about today was:
Several moments of complete satisfaction seeing things on the ride today. Just the simple thing of seeing a couple of puppies follow their human mum across a dirt yard in a traditional wooden shack village surrounded by green and under a bright blue sky was the first in a series of sublime moments. Wonderful.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing springs to mind as being out of my control today. Is that because I just accept everything for what it is or because I was in control of everything? I think the former is more likely than the latter.
Something I learned today?
I guessed I learned the route along the Mae Kok to the west of Chiang Rai and that it can be pretty and with reasonable roads when it’s dry. I’d do this ride again I think. I must’ve learned some minor bits and pieces from Bruno as we were riding and chatting but nothing that jumps out. I learned that Amy can fly from Bangkok to Sydney in the time it takes me to ride to Tha Ton and back!
What’s in the news today?
I have no real idea. I don’t watch any news much but may find out about certain things through YouTube videos and most of what I watch there is not about news but is sometimes commentary on certain current events. I don’t know what’s happening in Australia, the UK and particularly little in Thailand. Almost all news is irrelevant to my life.
I took this picture because these are the happy Lahu kids Bruno and I met next to the river somewhere between here and Tha Ton. They were so happy and surprised to see us.
Nice big long ride today as Amy was in the air back to Australia. Bruno and I left at around 9am and it was still cold to be riding but it wasn’t so unbearable.
As we got beyond our familiar tails, the sun was high and filling the valleys from edge to edge. Bamboo-lined dirt tracks ran parallel to the river, sometimes rising up to form a gorge and then down back towards water’s edge.
Roads were a mix of dirt, concrete, gravel and dust. We had to stop at one point and wait for a concrete pourer to finish pouring a new section of the randomly concreted road onto the regular dirt track. Villagers in this remote area bemusedly staring at the two farang visitors.
Even deeper into the valley we came across a Lahu village and gifted candy to the local kids, dressed in their traditional clothes as some event was going on. Women seemed to be up in a house on the hill whilst the men were playing a spinning top game on the playing field. These were big fist-sized tops, spun with a whipping rope. One spun an initial top and another tried to hit it with their own and then keep them spinning. We couldn’t quite make out the rules but it was fascinating to watch.
We continued on, following the road as it ran mostly next to the river and the concept of time vanished.
By the time we got to our destination – a border checkpoint with Myanmar – we’d been riding for three hours yet barely felt like 30 minutes.
The rare clear skies and clean air deepened all the colours and around every corner was a view, either majestic or curious and interesting.
At the checkpoint, which was way off the beaten track, we laughingly joked that we were likely to get shot, a friendly soldier (out of uniform, because it’s Saturday!) invited us in so long as we didn’t take pictures and besides some bunkers and fences, there wasn’t much going on. He said no one tries to come across here and all they are really charged with doing is fence maintenance. We noticed an awful lot of beer bottles around, which may be a clue to how chilled they were here.
After leaving we charged up on a coffee, which wasn’t tasty but the caffeine hit was superb. We motored on back along the highway, concerned to make it back before it got cold and dark again.
Once home it took me about an hour to get my hearing back and to warm up. Then I was faced with the food dilemma – back to taking care of myself again. What to eat? Luckily, Amy prepared many different dishes, waiting for me in the freezer.
Tonight is also cold enough to consider some shots of Glenmorangie. Ironic that now Amy is not here, I fancy a drink!
The dream was to own two Kept in a suburban home Now you’re lucky to have one And live in it alone
Man’s never-ending greed Entitled to go too far Is a dream slipping away As you’re living in your car
“Blending experimental and post-punk moods with distorted, feedback-laden guitar riffs, both bands arrive in with frenetic energy, driving their songs forward with a pounding intensity and almost eerie atmosphere. The vocals are raw, aching, and powerful, delivering the lyrics with a sense of urgency and emotion characteristic for screamo bands, building to a climax with layers of abrasive noise and a wall of sound that is both chaotic and exhilarating.” – idioteq.com
Happy, busy, winding down. It’s been a busy week and has culminated in an empty house again as Amy left this morning. Now I’m listening to music and thinking about how to motivate myself back into a solo routine again.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Champ and my boss Nancy, who, separately, both told me I was a great teacher. I appreciate hearing that as sometimes I doubt myself.
The best thing about today was:
Playing Takraw with some students for a little while. We were all equally terrible at it but we were laughing every few seconds.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
It’s been a very busy but unstressful day and nothing is coming to mind that was out of my control. Days like this are very nice though a little disturbing as I could slip into an orgasmic coma. Good days are a drug, always looking for it, chasing it, in its grip.
Something I learned today?
Amy showed me the online seller that has better prices on cat food than the ones I found. It’s gotten really expensive recently and everywhere has run out of stock. Amy was able to order and see that it was packed and on its way almost immediately. I’ll believe it when it turns up!
What’s your favourite Mexican food?
I think just vegetarian nachos. I find the Mexican food I’ve tried all tastes similar but just with a variety of textures. You can’t go wrong with vegetarian – cheese, beans, guacamole, sour cream, spicy sauce. There’s a Mexican restaurant here in Chiang Rai and thinking about this has got me hungry to go again!
I took this picture because this poor old smelly lovely dog just loves our house! The auntie who owns him says he sits on their porch always looking at our house, sometimes too impatient to know what’s going on and coming over to sit on our porch. Today he even barked at his own family as they were in the field next to our house.
1994ever 