Month: August 2023

Difficult Days – 31st August 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Give me a bad day
To show you who I am
Disturb my applecart
And mess with my plan

Look at you, all smiles
The sun, it always shines
The measure of the man
Is found in difficult times

An easy day for me
Fills me with compassion
For those facing struggle
And life comes down a-crashing

So give me a bad day
I’m gonna turn it around
Enduring all the pain
With this attitude I’ve found

Today I’m feeling:

Good for pushing through exercise this morning setting me up for my long day ahead. I’m starting to run out of time each day doing all the things I want to do and I think something is going to have to go and that will be TV and YouTube videos. I’m already cutting down just because of lack of time. Focus on the things I really prefer and enjoy to be doing. Stop wasting time.

Today I’m grateful for:

The language learning app Drops which I use to study Thai but which I have also asked a couple of my poorer students, Namsai and Nomsen, to use to study English and they checked it out this afternoon and seemed find it a little more compelling than Duolingo. I will introduce more of my classes to Drops instead and in the future. I think it is a slightly better learning tool despite not offering any opportunities to speak.

The best thing about today was:

Kinda improvising a lesson with one of my classes today and having it go really well. 

The original lesson I had planned wasn’t going to be long enough so I picked up a worksheet about ordinal numbers (they always struggle when asked what the date is) that could fill up the time. I started with it as I was expecting it to only take a few minutes. 

As they were getting themselves used to ordinal numbers I figured a best way to remember them was by doing birthdays so I went around the class asking everyone and writing them on the board. I noticed some smart students grabbing pictures so they could remember their classmate’s birthdays.

Once we had all the birthdays I got everyone and asked them to form a line from the first birthday of the year to the last and then spent 10 minutes sorting themselves out and finally I took a photo of them all.

By now time was too short to finish my planned lesson too. So I got them all to write the list of names in the order that had just just stood. This took them a good thirty minutes and I could see everyone puzzling out which name came next until finally they were done. To end, a long Kahoot to reinforce their learning. Everyone was happy and maybe they even learned something.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I decided I needed to catch up a handful of students in one class and the best way to do was to clear out the rest of the students so these ones could concentrate better. 

The class went well with the nine students, without all the usual distractions. They were initially a little miffed at their classmates going off for free time but soon understood the faster they got to it the sooner they’d be able to leave. 

With some slow careful explanations, I could see some twinkling of understanding in most of them. They finished with 30 minutes spare and off they went and off I went to House for extra coffee. 

Whilst I was there I got a message from our department head asking why my students were in the library at the time I was supposed to be teaching them. I got a little annoyed at this at first but I knew that it needed an explanation so I replied doing so. I didn’t get any reply.

Something I learned today?

Scientists have synthesised sugar out of carbon dioxide. Neat!

I took this picture because I wanted a record of the kids doing today’s lesson and lining up in birthday order. There are a few hilarious kids in this class and I hope this picture will be a useful reminder.

Whatnot – 30th August 2023

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Whoever said it, wherever they were
Whatever it is that was soon forgot
Whenever there’s some wrath to incur
To each their own and whatnot

Again, inspired by a short sentence at Spinning Visions blog.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good by the end of the day. I wasn’t quite sure how I was feeling when I got to school and the ‘art event’ that cancelled my morning classes didn’t seem to feature any art and felt like another money-grabbing exercise, from already fairly poor kids, with all the food stalls. I left pretty quickly and did some lesson preparations as one of the things I was teaching seemed to go over a few student’s heads yesterday. Time passed very swiftly along with my two coffees!

Today I’m grateful for:

All the students that I don’t even know that say hello and fist-bump me as they walk by. Rista laughed at me today when I couldn’t remember a student’s name but I have so many names to remember already. I’ve forgotten the names of some of my students that I taught two years ago. I sat with one today and knew he was one of two names but couldn’t remember which, later recalling it was Tan.

In the afternoon I was talking with Kru Ren and he said he wants to work here as long as possible which I found surprising for a fresh out of uni first-year teacher. But I understand his feeling. For me, I want to stay as long as possible too because of the pleasure of watching the students grow.

The best thing about today was:

Talking with Poppy at lunchtime. This follows on from the point above. Poppy has totally done a 180 since last year and she happily admitted it when I was talking with her. She said last year she was very immature and stubborn and she caused me a few problems in my classes. Even my trying to gain her confidence by teaching her card tricks didn’t seem to have any effect though perhaps she subconsciously realised I was reaching out to her after all her friends disowned her.  I never thought badly of her behaviour though and told her not to worry about anything from last year.
She’s become more aware of how her actions affect people around her and realised that she needed to make a change unless she wanted to continue being an outcast. I’m proud of her and enjoy talking to her now.

And then there’s Earn. She struggled in my class last year and was frustrating at times though she also had an ability to charm when it suited her motives. I could see that she was capable but fell back to laziness and distraction. One time her face absolutely lit up when she grasped a particular concept but it was difficult for her to maintain enthusiasm. I don’t teach her much this year but apparently, she is frustrating David in his class with her attitude, which I think stems from her lack of understanding and then laziness for clarification. I can see that she is changing friends to those who complement that process.
I found her quietly sitting this afternoon, bored, scrolling through her phone. Usually, she doesn’t let me talk to her for long but today I commented that she didn’t look happy and that she usually doesn’t look happy. She agreed and said that she was tired.  I told her that inside her head she is smart and capable. She said she felt like she was stupid. I told her that wasn’t true and that I believed in her. She thanked me sincerely and I felt she really appreciated it. 

And I could go on about conversations with Fah, Khet, Wipping, KanomBang etc etc today.

I’m lucky and grateful and so happy to play some small part in these kids’ lives. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At last week’s science event my grade 10 students didn’t check out anything and just went somewhere to sleep for a couple of hours so today I set them a task to take ten photos each at the event. But then, as there was no art on display for them to take pictures of, there was nothing for them to do. I reluctantly told them not to worry about it as I couldn’t think of any other task for them and I was already in the middle of my coffee and planning. Of course, they were super happy to not have anything to do anyway and I had at least made sure that they hadn’t snuck off anywhere to sleep.

Something I learned today?

Ok, one last student story. Wipping called me her second father, jokingly buttering me up before holding out her hand, and asking me for money. I said that her father at home has money but her father at school doesn’t to which she replied ‘What father at home? Who is my father? I don’t know!’ Oops! She soon turned it around though saying ‘It’s ok, I don’t need a father. Just me and mum is fine and I’m a strong woman who can look after herself!’ Wow! I was so happy to hear this.

A couple of minutes later her male classmate Spain came over and shyly gave her twenty baht. I’m not sure if he had been listening to the conversation or not but I guess he likes her. She accepted his money and they went off and talked for a bit though I don’t know about what. When she came back she said she didn’t know why he gave her the money. Wipping, though, is always talking about a girl she likes in another class and after what she said about her father I can understand why she might prefer relationships with girls instead of boys. Never mind, Spain!

Today feels like I’m in the middle of a teenage gossip column!

I took this picture, damn, two weeks ago already, because this was the sourdough Nong Fon sent me. My mouth is watering just to look at it. Talking with Amy tonight she asked me what food I want to eat when I’m in Sydney and the first thing I thought of was sourdough toast with Vegemite. No pictures taken today.

The Mouth Breather – 29th August 2023

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A familiar pain satisfies
Almost spurning contempt
Each feeling classifies
Contradicting its attempt
Mouth breathing still
Forms subconscious thrill

Inspired by a sentence or two at Spinning Visions. Sometimes, the familiarity of something is comfortable even though it is something we dislike. We, as humans, really don’t enjoy change.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. My body is a little achy from exercise but I can feel my bones getting more support from my muscles. My head is feeling positive and I’m happy to be where I am in the world.

Today I’m grateful for:

The guy who makes the Post-Avant Jazzcore Happy Hour podcast that has given me many hours of interesting listening either at home or in the car. 

I mention it today because I was listening today and the music was a little minor-chordy, moody and dark and ultimately I didn’t find it quite as exciting as other times though I could feel the musicians were pretty damn awesome.

The only downside to the podcast is that I have to change the playback speed to normal as I’m usually listening to talking podcasts at one and a half speed.

The best thing about today was:

The chaos of my last class of the day! It is one of the classes that I moved to work in the canteen because I was embarrassed by them in our language building as they were extremely difficult to control. 

Moving them and giving them standard tasks that they repeat each time but with a different text has allowed them to get an understanding of what is required and they can plan ahead so that they don’t have to sit around until the end of the class. 

One of the advantages of being in the canteen is that the kids can spread out and go off as they please when I’m happy that they completed the work. 

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that some of the poorer students have improved their skills a lot, perhaps with maturity as well as learning. 

What I like the best is that they no longer fear work when they see it. Gradually over time, they’ve realised that they have to try and that is all that I’ve been asking of them. I guess you could say they’ve made me proud!

They are still a chaotic bunch as any group of 36 13-14-year-olds are prone to be but they are generally fun to be around.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One of my classes, one of the better ones, was a bit of a handful today and tested my patience. Thankfully it was only a one-hour lesson and a fair percentage of the students understood what was required. Some days you just don’t know what you are going to get but I’ve gotten better at rolling with the punches.

Something I learned today?

Some American politicians are considering leaving the United Nations. To be honest they should as they never follow or implement the consensus opinion unless it suits them. That is not what a UN should be about. BRICS is becoming a superior allegiance of countries that does follow international law and UN resolutions and they have put forward a 10-point charter that states so. Outside of the brainwashed Western kaleidoscope of nightmares, it seems obvious where the better path forward lies.

I took this picture because Kim’s grave is finally looking the way I want. I’ll be happy if it continues like this without any grass growing through. I miss that little kitty too much.

The Review – 28th August 2023

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Not so easily impressed these days
I’m still glad of what you’re doing
I remember those times and ways
As I often find myself reviewing

So go ahead and tell your tale
As has been done many times before
One day recognition will come
You too can review the score

Today I’m feeling:

Much better after the sleepy weekend. My exercise felt easier this morning and I hope that continues throughout the week. I was also happy to be back at school and to see everyone. My students help improve my own emotional well-being.

Today I’m grateful for:

The receptionist at the hospital who advised the doctor I wanted to see only worked in the morning today but would be back tomorrow. It was a simple exchange but even that can be a struggle with our language barriers. Her English was better than my Thai but with a mix of both, we sorted it immediately. I’ll go back tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

Having a reasonably long discussion with JubJib, mostly about other students.  She’s a smart kid and her English is excellent which is a rarity at school so it was nice to be able to have a complete, flowing conversation for a change. We’ve talked often before but usually get interrupted quickly just with there being so many kids around.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Watching a replay of yesterday’s AFL game between the Swans and the Demons. Finally, a game in which we played really well though we lost. This, after the last six or so games where we haven’t been that great but managed to win. No games this coming weekend and the following will see us play Carlton in Melbourne. Likely to be a quick exit for the Swans this year.

Something I learned today?

Yesterday one of my students posted a picture of her arm after she had tried cutting it. I talked with her today and she didn’t say anything (she’s VERY quiet usually) but I told her that if she did want to talk then I would be there for her.
She was very happy in the class today though I’m uncertain if it was because I talked to her or if there is something worse going on at home that makes her happier to be at school.
I thought this because a few students have told me they prefer to be at school rather than at home.

What is an upcoming milestone worth celebrating?

I’m not a big celebrater or care about milestones particularly. 

I had plans to have a big show for my 50th birthday in Sydney but when the time came I was living in Adelaide and working night shift, and Amy was in Thailand. 

I’ve not been big on birthdays or Christmas once I ‘grew up’ and I didn’t really get back into them when Hayden was growing up either. I kind of grudgingly did it!

If 60 was thought of as an upcoming milestone in still not sure how I would celebrate it. I don’t need a milestone or celebration to be happy. I’d rather just be contented all the time.

I took this picture because I was shocked to see this sudden tall protrusion from this plant. This one is growing even bigger than the one we had a couple of years ago. When the hell did it grow like this? I feel sure it wasn’t there yesterday!

Three Years – 27th August 2023

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Lives on hold, unprepared
Hiding under the stairs
Trembling and scared
World revolving unawares

A chance, opportunity
Wasted, waiting for the fix
Hoping for immunity
From Batman’s bag of tricks

Next time, unprepared again
No lesson learned
Three years become ten
None may be returned

16th Apr 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – Immunity

Today I’m feeling:

A bit more active than yesterday. I think the pleasure of the cannabutter is giving me good long sleep but also still affecting me the following day so I’m going to lay off it for now. It’s effect is very mild and pleasureable but if it makes me groggy for the whole of the next day then it’s not worth it.

Today I’m grateful for:

My own understanding of my body and brain. Today has been completely drug free except my anti-depressant and whilst it’s not been a fun day to speak of it’s passed by pleasantly enough. I can feel my muscles and joints recovering slowly and hopefully they are primed to get me going again in the morning.

The best thing about today was:

Finally watching Come And See. I feel like I don’t have the attention span for movies sometimes but then realise I can sit through hours of podcasts or TV series. I knew this movie wasn’t going to be any kind of rom-com but the mood kind of reflected my day and it’s message and purpose were clear to me. It showed the trauma and atrocity of war and was a struggle to watch but I’m glad I did. I might have to sit back with something comedic tonight to balance it out.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The weekend has been a bit of a write-off, no writing, little reading, no workout and no guitar. I’m not worried about it at all as I know I need downtime. It’s just sometimes I feel like kicking myself when it feels like I’m wasting time.

I’ll be back on it tomorrow though. Morning exercise then off for coffees. Then I have an 11.30 appointment with Kru Hin to learn how do our grades in the online system, my one class at 1.30, then off up to the hospital to get more sertraline and back to play guitar and watch the last Swans AFL of the regular season.

Something I learned today?

One of my grade 7 students was proud to send me pictures of himself running in a 5km through the city today, similar to one that Amy and I did a few years ago. It’s nice to feel that he wants to show his teacher this. He was one of the kids I kicked out of class a couple of weeks ago so there is an element of sucking up involved but I know he’s a good kid, just being a teenager.

If I could live anywhere in the world, where would that be?

I’d like to live anywhere that is safe and stable. I’ve found living somewhere where I don’t fully understand the language has been helpful as I don’t get fully sucked into the vortex of shit-talking that people find so enjoyable. No matter how much I tried to avoid the corruption of politicians in the UK and Australia I always would get back into it. It was a waste of my time. I know things are even worse here in Thailand but I don’t have to think about it or be involved with it. 

I can still see myself living in the UK or Australia though I don’t think it would be for extended periods. Otherwise, I think I can live anywhere, as I said, so long as it is safe. Water, electricity and internet preferred.

I took this picture by accident when I was talking on a video call with Amy. She was busy running around cleaning Lewis’s poop at the time, just as I was about to feed our cats (action shot in the top corner). This is how Amy and I have communicated for the past two years and I’m glad of the technology that makes it possible.

The Fountain Spring – 26th August 2023

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Longing for those days again
Joyful plays in the sparkling sun
No matter the winds of change
You gotta grow up some

The spirit is the fountain spring
Forever trying to stay young
The mind and body know
You gotta grow up some

If the balance is off-kilter
There’s something to be done
Innocence cannot remain
You gotta grow up some

Keep the energetic wide-eyed sparkle
Everything will be fun
Don’t forget, at the end of the day
You gotta grow up some

wishing for more shiny things

Today I’m feeling:

Slow and achy. Slept for ten pretty good hours and woke to some aches and pains from my exercise this week. Push through again next week. Make it normal. No real plan for today beyond hanging out the washing and maybe vacuuming. The most stress will be deciding what to eat.

Today I’m grateful for:

The brief sunshine this morning that got my clothes 90% dry before a quick rain shower happened and I had to quickly drag it all inside the kitchen to get completely dry.

The best thing about today was:

Listening to Eat Avery’s Bones whilst phasing in and out of lucid dreams.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Napping from about 4-6 pm kinda messed up my eating plans as I felt so tired that I would sleep again soon, so I didn’t want to eat a meal. I’ve been snacking all day instead and just about to get back into bed. I can eat tomorrow.

Who do I need to thank?

I generally thank everyone at the required moments in time. I don’t think I have anything in the past that specifically requires thanks though I could reaffirm my thanks to many people for their little slices of influence on me over my lifetime.

I took this picture last weekend because, on our bike ride, we came across this garden area that looked like it was being renovated. It’s on a main road but not a busy one and I’m curious who is likely to pay to come and look around here.

No More Shiny Things – 25th August 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

What is left to be pursued?
The bigger, brighter things have faded
Realising that there’s nothing new
Has made us all become jaded

No longer entranced by shiny things
It’s all been seen and done before
A mind that’s closing sooner brings
Death knocking at your door

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and good! I slept early last night and ended up waking a little earlier but as it was still dark I tried to get back to sleep and when I finally got real deep into it again the alarm went off.
I pushed and struggled through exercises telling myself how much better I will feel afterwards. My arms and legs ache at the joints from all the extra work they’ve been doing but ultimately my body feels more together and capable. I can only imagine how I might feel if I had treated myself better in my teens, twenties and thirties.
In my early thirties, I started going to the gym after work and then straight to the beach to bodyboard. I always felt great after that but rewarded myself by drinking. One step forward, one step back.

Today I’m grateful for:

The nice taxi driver that took drunk Amy home from the city this evening. It reminds me that most people are ok.

The best thing about today was:

Messaging with Nong Mee and getting an update on how she is doing as I rarely see her these days. She is the girl who swallowed a bunch of pills last semester. She said she is doing better and that even when she feels down she knows both myself and some of her friends are there to support her. I was heartened to read that and happy for her too.

Something I learned today?

I read in Derek Sivers’s book Hell Yeah Or No that our beliefs and understanding of the world are based on our location. 

Obvious, true, but the point was that when you go to foreign places, the people there grow up with their own set of beliefs and understanding. Rather than take the approach that our way is best we need to unlearn our own beliefs and accept different ones. 

Even knowing your way is better it’s not appropriate to try and change something blatantly. Gradually, exposure on both sides will find some kind of agreement.

I know I struggled with this when I started teaching in Thailand. Of course, I want to improve things for the lives of those I’m teaching. I no longer think I can do that with words but rather through actions and just being.

Quote: Day by day, what you do is who you become. – Heraclitus

I guess it’s obvious. But when you are in the middle of being you, and always believing you are right, the obvious becomes obscured. 

Since my late teens, I became less confident in the things that I knew. Doubt crept into everything. 

For a long time, I considered myself a fence sitter, often admiring those who held strong beliefs. Now I have come around to the fact that the fence is often the best place to be. The wind can blow in different directions. Whilst there may be universal truths everything else is always up for debate.

How did I practice stillness?

I’m going to say that I practice this when I’m reading. I know my brain is still active but I am usually focused within the story, almost out of body.

Even when I do meditation my brain struggles to calm though I do generally feel less stressed after. I know it’s a matter of practice. I don’t think I’m in a state of stress that requires me to counter it with converted efforts towards stillness really.

I took this picture because after I finished my class around 4 pm I ended up playing volleyball with Nicha and one of the boys and got soaked with sweat as there is no cover in the playground at the moment. The sun kept appearing through the broken clouds along with the already high humidity. Nicha joked about how cold she was when I tried to block the sun with my hand. I didn’t even really cool down in the aircon of the car on the drive home and the house was already stinking inside so I tried to cool down with a shower but even that was a struggle. Then, seemingly suddenly, it got dark and proceeded to rain heavily non-stop for about thirty minutes resulting in all this water sitting on top of the soil under the trees, the ground already too waterlogged to soak up more. The rain has calmed down a little now but is still coming down with no sign of it stopping just yet.

Fleeting – 24th August 2023

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Watching the world wake up
Waiting for the rain
It’s just another day
Same – but not the same

Weary-eyed, sleep-walkers
Coffee got them going
It’s business as usual
Yesterday’s news a-flowing

Not for me, not today
It’s time to break the mould
To sit and try to understand
All the stories I’ve been told

If we could live on words
There’s plenty here for eating
Why the morning feels more real
As each day passes, fleeting

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A little vague with heavy eyelids. Exercise got me going but driving to work I was distracted and forgetting how I’d even got to where I was. I know it’s the extra exercise making me tired but I’ve gotta try and keep it going. My body is benefitting and I need to get over the hump and get used to it, become a habit.

Today I’m grateful for:

Yet another half day with no classes affording me time to catch up on more reading and writing with my coffees. 

I went upstairs to see who was in the classroom of what was usually my first class of the day. There were six students and when I asked where the rest were they told me that they’d gone to one of their dorm rooms. Amusingly they confirmed that they went there to sleep more. The idea though was that they go to the Science Day event rather than study with me. Sleep was not what they should miss my class for!

Never mind, I was taking advantage of the event too.

Whilst I was talking to those students I was feeling a little tired and slurring my words a little. One of them offhandedly remarked that I looked stoned. That reminded me that perhaps the effects of yesterday evening’s cannabis oil hadn’t quite worn off.

The best thing about today was:

At 6.30 pm sitting on the terrace in the cool air, writing here and hearing the drip drops of rain approaching from across the fields which became a steady fall, the windblown droplets cooling my skin even further. The rain is damn cold but I’m also thoroughly enjoying the feeling, sitting under cover and watching the water drip from the roof. Cap is sitting at the door looking out in comfort behind the screen.  I think it will be an early night for me tonight.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve been sleeping very well this week partly because of increasing my morning exercise routines but also aided by a couple of drops of cannabutter. One downside of that though was last night feeling sure that I had done my daily language learning only to discover this morning that I hadn’t done any at all! I also haven’t been able to read as many comics as usual, just feeling that I can’t keep my eyes open.

Something I learned today?

I’ve followed bits and pieces about Russia and the war in Ukraine and I understand very little about the involvement of the Wagner group. It felt like Western media was making a big deal over an alleged coup by the Wagner group and the words of its leader Prigozhin who ended up in Belarus. The Wagner group was then mentioned to be involved in Africa trying to counter armed interference from Western allies. Today, a small aircraft Prigozhin was on, crashed, killing everyone on board. There is sure to be more to that story.

I guess in some ways I’ve learned again that I know nothing.

What is the best gift I have ever given?

I’m struggling to even think about any gifts I have given!

There was the iPhone I bought for Amy when I came to Thailand but that was spoiled by the immigration officials who wanted the tax paid on it when I arrived. An iPhone is not really special either – it was more the surprise that I wanted Amy to get.

There were all the drawings of Amy and her friends that I did for our anniversary. That was a bit more special and personal.

Ok, here’s one. Back in 2013, I planned to go to Yogyakarta. Kimi and Sikin were disappointed that they couldn’t afford to meet me there so I bought them tickets. In the lead-up to that visit, I was suddenly retrenched and worried about spending too much money so I ended up cancelling my trip whilst Kimi and Sikin were still able to go! I shouldn’t have cancelled that trip but the future was feeling a bit uncertain at the time.

I took this picture because I was surprised to find Tigger in here, although as you can see he doesn’t all fit. All our cats constantly swap their favourite places and it feels like they wish that they could occupy them all at the same time to stop each other from stealing their spots. There’s something to be said for only owning one cat. But if we ever get more cats in the future I’d really like to get two or three brother and sister kittens. That would be great to watch them grow together and hopefully love each other more than our current cats do.

Pick Up The Gun – 23rd August 2023

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Can no resistance be explained?
The water surrounds the rocks
Doing nothing is still doing something
That can’t be explained to the jocks

To pick up the gun is enticing
But ultimately is an excuse
It’s the escalation required
To break through a lasting truce

The wisest study the art of war
Their patience is to be admired
While the provocateurs will eat themselves
Without a single shot being fired

inspired by the titular Bill Hicks bit

Today I’m feeling:

With doing extra exercise in the morning I’ve been falling asleep a little earlier these last couple of nights and with no meals yesterday after breakfast, just snacks, yesterday I woke up tired and sleepy.

I pushed through exercise this morning despite feeling like I could give up. I’m glad I did that. My body feels good and my brain, despite telling me I’m tired, exhausted, sleepy etc, is feeling good too.

Today I’m grateful for:

My little plastic toe separator for my left foot’s big toe, trying to push it back into line and hopefully ease the pain in the main joint. I’ve tried a few others but they have ended up being painful to wear for long periods. This one I can wear all the time (except when wearing shoes).

The best thing about today was:

A sudden feeling in my feet that was free of pain. It was really noticeable though only lasted for a couple of seconds. I will be pleased if this is a sign of moving towards pain-free feet. I know this is an odd thing to list as the best thing but I was shocked when I felt it. In my negative thought mode, I wonder if perhaps my pain receptors are turning off instead!

Something I learned today?

Thaksin came back to Thailand after 15 years in exile and went straight to jail. He’s 74 years old and has health issues and the talk is that he will have to serve 8 years in prison. This all happened on the same day his old political party made a deal with their foes to form a government without the party that won the election earlier this year. There’s something tricky going on for sure!

What am I curious about?

Hmm.. I feel a lot less curious about things these days. As with the quote from the other day, I’m aware that there is so much I don’t know but I’m also not concerned with it either.

Maybe I’m curious about how long I will live and be able to ward off senility and fragility. I’m not really fighting against it but trying to maintain what health I do have. Ultimately it doesn’t matter.

I’m less curious about music these days as I have so much backlogged that it’s overwhelming. If I was still involved in a scene I would be more motivated to keep looking for new things. I kinda miss that but enjoy other things instead.

I’m curious about how I feel when I fly to Australia in October. This will be my first time in Australia for a short holiday, much like we would do every couple of years from Australia to Thailand. I’m not looking forward to the prices though!

I took this picture because it took me a moment to realise what this was from inside the door. This beauty is bigger than my hand.

Loyal Bones – 22nd August 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Loyal bones are buried everywhere in the green hills*
It’s not the revolutions that make our end
For the good of all may be the bitterest of pills
But is just a moment of the life you’ll spend

The mountains green, the never-ending seas
They belong to us, all of our humanity
They can be divided in any way we please
For the good of everyone’s sanity

Your loyal bones will be all too soon forgotten
But the paths you made will be followed
Each generation new bones become rotten
After those bitter pills have been swallowed

*This line is from Xi Jinping

Today I’m feeling:

Very good and relaxed again. Even though I’m not excited about having to take Tigger to the vet again after work I feel like I have the energy to get me through. Today was the second day doing double exercise and though it’s tough I’m feeling better for it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Meeting my grade 10 students by chance in the library and having good meaningful conversations with them. Outside the classroom, there is more space to relax and chat and they were very keen and didn’t want me to leave. We struggled by with their poor English, my poor Thai and translation. It was nice, though I had planned to do some printing and ran out of time.

The best thing about today was:

As this semester nears its end I feel like all my classes clearly understand what I require of them. This was exemplified today with my grade 8 class whom I gave work to do before my class and they understood that if they did the work beforehand they could just show me, fix any errors and then they were free to go at class time.

Along with the conscientious kids, all the usually lazy ones are the first to get it done because they want to be finished for the day as soon as they can. There’s about half the class that don’t worry either way but I can see them working together to do the work quickly during class time. 

They are learning the benefits of getting the job done at least and don’t complain at me any more!

At the same time, I have made my life easier too!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Taking Tigger to the vet and I’m stuck on the highway in a non-moving traffic jam. I can’t even see ahead to what is causing it and I’m imagining that some workers are stupidly doing something at rush hour because that happens here often.

(later) It was. Laying drains to stop flooding. Why do it in the rainy season! Why do it during the day and at rush hour?

Something I learned today?

Sinead O’Connor has died. I never really got into her music but I did respect her in some ways. She seemed to be an outsider, stuck inside the music industry. In my old one-sheet giveaway fanzine Fuck Around each issue I dedicated a section to a picture of her titled Sinead O’Corner and left it without any context. I just thought she was attractive with her tomboy hair. As I perceived her as an underdog I rooted for her. Ripping up a picture of the Pope on live TV gained my deepest respect.

Do I spend more time thinking about the future or the past?

The past of course! That’s what this whole bloggedy business is all about. 

I don’t really remember thinking much about the future before 1994. To be honest I had no ideas before that. Now that 30 more years have passed there’s more of my life gone by than I can expect to come. Whatever the future brings is ok.

I took these pictures because I went in to see my old students and found many of them in deep sleep. What a crazy country. I like it. School here is just totally unlike what I experienced. This is where culture starts.