I love the time that I didn’t love myself, the past plays upon my mind; I was too busy with pleasure to consider what the future would find.
I wandered the quiet forests of imagination waiting for everything to be mine; Disappointment followed me there, to the tree wishing to turn back time.
Every sigh a plea, the heartbeats heavy when will my love find me here? Building towards a crescendo, I found what I wanted, too late to hear.
The sun was always hiding, slipping through my fingers, clenched white in fists; Missing the chance pleasure of the rain even as it so casually persists.
Today’s Daily Stoic poem:
The Present Is All We Possess
All that we possess – given to us all A lifetime to impress – ‘now’ remains so small Today is a gift – due to expire Let it be the lift – leading to inspire
Magdalena Bay – liked this and was surprised to see that they are playing in Australia. They seem to be popular and I’ve never heard of them (which I guess isn’t unusual these days!). The thing that puts me off their music though is that it’s just too damn nice!
Irreversible Entanglements – Again nice agit-jazz but too far into the jazz for my tastes.
Prurient – I understand the appeal. Not for me.
Omar Souleyman – I seem to be behind on his releases and this is another enjoyable album. I was disappointed when I saw him live though, it didn’t quite translate in the venue where I saw him which was part of an arts festival. Needed more sand!
Avalanche Kaito – Recommended by you before and I enjoyed the discovery.
There’s still a mountain to climb And will the promise there hold true?
Step into the light I keep telling myself…
Step into the light I keep telling myself…
Step into the light I keep telling myself…
Submitted to WDYS #254 (above picture prompt). The title and first line is from Archers of Loaf’s ‘Step Into The Light’ and constitute the whole of its lyric! I haven’t added much more but it represents the dark headspace I’ve found myself in recently.
I could admire Thatcher as a woman dealing with a man’s world, but as a politician I despised her.
It’s impossible to say how things would have gone if she was never elected but I see the decline of the UK starting with her.
I appreciate that things were on the decline before that but this was visible during my lifetime and one of the reasons I was glad to leave the UK in the 90’s.
“Is it so wrong to sit on the fence?” – I constantly consider this, perhaps a reflection of my own Englishness. People who don’t sit on the fence seem to have more charisma and confidence but I find the world far more grey.
I also consider that I shouldn’t express an opinion if I am not fully aware of the facts.
Today I’m feeling:
A little dizzy and out of sorts. I was up early to get to my hospital appointment and forgot to even grab a coffee first.
As I was driving here, just over the bridge, there was a loose flock of sheep on the highway and one had been hit and killed, lying in the middle of the road.
There’s still garbage and drying mud everywhere at the sides of the roads and the vague fences that used to hold in animals are all flattened.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Not taking too long at the hospital this morning and getting back to enjoy a couple of coffees before lunch.
The ENT doctor didn’t seem too worried and just prescribed some more meds and told me to come back in two weeks’ time.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing reading Childhood’s End and enjoying it a lot.
It got me in the mood to watch Interstellar tonight as my student Film kept raving about it. I enjoyed it too, but only really appreciated it in the last 20 minutes or so when some of the earlier parts of the movie started to make sense.
I think I will lend Film Childhood’s End to read. His English is pretty great and I think he can understand most of it and would enjoy it.
Something I learned today?
I know what my throat looks like now after having a tube camera stuck in my mouth. Apart from the mucus stuck inside, things in there look good and healthy.
Brisbane managed to get over Geelong today in a tough match, losing one of their players to injury too.
It bodes well for the Swans next week, except for a couple of things.
Today, Brisbane played at the MCG, where next week’s game will be played. They are also last year’s losing finalists, which gives them extra motivation.
Having said that, most of our team played in the losing final the year before that, so that motivation is there for us too.
Thinking about following sports is something that at least keeps me focused on the now. I understand the appeal to others of sports that I have no interest in.
Really dizzy and out of sorts. I went straight to the hospital but still hadn’t seen a doctor by midday. When I asked, they said that I had to wait for a ‘special’ doctor who only arrives at 1 pm!
My head is also not in a good place right now, either. Wild thoughts of quitting and moving or just sleeping.
Health:
Physical: 5 Mental: 5
Today I’m grateful for:
All the staff who helped me at the hospital. Despite it being frustrating, I don’t think it was anyone’s fault in particular.
The best thing about today was:
Not much I must admit. I did start to feel a little more positive by the evening, so that is something at least.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I don’t know why things took so long at the hospital today. I got there at nine and finally left at 2.45 pm. I saw a doctor for less than two minutes and was told to come back to see an ENT specialist on Saturday.
Something I learned today?
I should follow up with the staff at the hospital a little quicker. It may only be a coincidence but things only started happening once I asked what was going on.
In love with trash trucks and bar signs Dirty sidewalks and chaotic lines Stepped on dead rats riding the rail Soothing sirens announce a bloodied trail
A desperate reach to grab the air The rambling mind, a heart laid bare Spilt milk and the ding, ding, ding! A date with disaster or a song to sing?
In love with bar signs and trash trucks The struggle to enjoy a couple more bucks A bustled hustle each patron employs The sound of a memory, a beautiful noise
Shouts from the wet streets are rising Up the five floors exercising A cozy space amongst the debris Dreamt by dreams, it’s no life ordinary
Ok after a while but I slept badly during the night, for no apparent reason.
I thought maybe I was a little anxious about going to school today to help with cleaning up. I haven’t had this anxiety about a small, minor thing like this for a few years now and surprised to be feeling this way.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 6
Today I’m grateful for:
Our local shops and the tax-free shadow economy. We can get everything we need for ourselves within walking distance.
Extra items we can order online and even shop for bigger or bulk items, we can get delivered from stores in the area too.
The best thing about today was:
I finished reading another book this morning as I was drinking my coffee before heading to school. I haven’t been reading as much this year but slowly turning away from the lure of videos and back to books.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My feeling was weird today. After starting off anxious, as I was driving to school, I felt ok again but on arrival and seeing the mess and mud, I just felt off.
I can’t quite put my finger on why. It’s like the whole situation is depressing and I just want things to be the way they were, laughing and playing with my students.
I know this is unreasonable and against everything that I’ve been studying over the last couple of years.
It manifested after lunch in extreme exhaustion. I watched people chaotically working hard with little organisation and direction. After all, we are teachers, not a flood clean-up crew. But everyone wants to feel and be seen as contributing; it’s understandable.
Feeling dizzy and dejected, I came home and I was only a little revived after eating some dinner. I hope that I can sleep better tonight.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I don’t feel good about not really helping to clean up the school much today.
Baibua took this picture of me because I stole her hat whilst I was chatting with her, Air and Toey as they were taking a break from cleaning.
Slow and lazy. Slept until 8.30 and felt lethargic even after morning coffee.
The sun made it out in the morning and the rain looked distant in the mountains, but by 2p,m it was back and after our car service, we drove over the river into the city and it is already flooded over the side roads.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
The folks at Nissan for not fucking around and servicing our car in under two hours. Hopefully, they did more than just clean it. I didn’t recognise it at first because it was so shiny and new-looking again.
They said everything was good, though. I don’t care much about cars so long as they work and little Almy has been doing a good job.
The best thing about today was:
Finding some decent words to describe my current feeling of my second post-covid experience.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t make it out to my room today, as I was tired and our plans changed throughout the morning. I haven’t played guitar for almost two weeks now.
I just run out of energy and motivation at home these days and end up watching videos.
I haven’t read many books this year either, though I have read a fuck-ton more poetry.
Feeling a little under the weather for the last few weeks hasn’t helped but I hope I can wean myself off the videos and back to books and guitar again.
Something I learned today?
I was finally able to access the EDSY online trial that some of my students have been trying and was surprised to find Milk, who struggles a lot with English, was #1 of all the students, even beating Momo by a couple of points.
It looks like a reasonable tool to use but I feel that there are some components missing that don’t motivate the students to improve.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
As I checked Milk and Momo’s work in EDSY, I messaged them both to give them encouragement and advise on little things that they could do to improve.
I took these pictures because it was haircut day today. HoiTod reminds me so much of Kim, same size, colour and affection.
Pretty good, though I feel like I’m overheating. Not sure if something is going on in my body or it’s just leftover from pushing myself with exercise this morning.
Today should be a relatively easy day at school and hopefully I still feel motivated when I get home and play some guitar. I totally lazed away the weekend and though I don’t feel guilty about it, I still know that I should be doing stuff.
Today I’m grateful for:
Only five students turning up to my first class. They didn’t know where everyone else was and assumed that they were taking the whole week away from school, as from Wed-Fri, they are not at school and supposed to be studying online.
I played a Quizziz of each student’s choice for the first hour and then let them go for the second two hours of our class, so I’m back early for more coffee!
The best thing about today was:
The extra coffee time that turned out well, as I got a couple of nice poems written after doing a bit of reading and thinking.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Another one of my pens went missing today during my class with 2/7. I’m fairly certain that it is Program who is taking them as he is always trying to steal things out of my pocket, never has his own pen and always walks around the room and near the table when I am not there.
I may be wrong but I’ve got my eye on him.
Something I learned today?
As I had some spare time in the morning, I ducked into the grade 10 English class to chat with some of the students I knew and whilst there, Kru Ren came in to teach. He didn’t do anything to try and get the students attention and seemed to be just shouting to no one, as everyone else was either on their phone, playing games or making TikTok videos.
I just don’t get how that is going to work. But what was weird was that meeting some of the students a couple of hours later, I asked them about the class and they were able to talk about the subject fairly coherently. Maybe it got better after I left, or Kru Ren decided to teach in Thai rather than English, so that at least he would be understood.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I stayed back after my last class to talk with Praew some more. I think she is a little bit of an attention seeker in some ways and I’m not totally sure what to believe. With her anxiety, depression and being bullied in class, it is sure to mess with her behaviour.
This Island Under night Skies a-blazing Rows and rows of homes Turning to ash and dust Maui, Hawaii – on fire No rescue until it’s too late There’s money to be made rebuilding This island under night skies a-blazing
Destruction and death Build back better, U.S.A. Casino waiting
The Country of the Blind. – Stanzas 1 and 4 by C.S. Lewis
Hard light bathed them and a whole nation of eyeless men dark bi-pedals, not aware of how they were maimed A long process, clearly a slow curse drained through centuries Left them thus
If a man, one that had eyes a poor misfit, spoke of the grey dawn, or the stars or green sloped sea waves Or admired how warm tints changed in a lady’s cheek None complained he had used words from an alien tongue None questioned. It was worse. All would agree “Of course.” Came their answer “We’ve all felt like that.” They were wrong.
……………… 1. What is Lewis saying? 2. Here he compares the poet to the masses who believe they have experienced the same feelings. Why does Lewis say they are wrong? Look at the first stanza. 3. What are your feelings in comparing the poem to society, today?
This has taken me a while to get to as I prefer to spend my time writing over analysing. Slowly I am starting to appreciate analysis though so as to better understand what a poet might be saying.
So, today I finally came back to this and interestingly I read this quote this morning which seems along similar lines:
That showed me in an instant that not by wisdom do poets write poetry, but by a sort of genius and inspiration; they are like diviners or soothsayers who also say many fine things, but do not understand the meaning of them.
– Socrates, The Apology
To attempt to answer the questions…. 2. Lewis says that they are wrong because society as a whole blindly accepts what it may be told. (Does this connect with the phrase ‘the one-eyed man is the king of the blind?). 3. In comparing the poem to society, I can see the parallels but as a poet, I prefer to consider myself with the man with eyes. But then, maybe individually, we all do that. And thus we end up with society. Individually thinking and believing different things and collectively believing the same things.
And I think that answers question 1.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good again. I forgot to write anything this morning as instead of spending the first six hours of the day at the cafe I decided to sit with my old class and help some of them with their work though I also took advantage of this time to make some future lessons.
Sitting in that class made me look at the kids a little differently. I could see that they were more attentive to the Thai teacher and understood more (obviously). They still struggled when it came to answering questions and their comprehension but it made me feel a little more sympathetic with them.
The work Kru NumNim has been giving them is from the British Council and I decided to take it and reuse it for my reading classes with them. I’m hoping that they at least remember some of it and can draw on their learning in this class when it comes to doing it again in mine.
At House, I sat, read and wrote as usual and now felt that 4 hours was an ok amount of time to spend doing that, instead of the six hours of the previous couple of weeks.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the folks who ensured that my records arrived safely from Hong Kong.
The best thing about today was:
Everything again. It was consistently good from morning alarm, exercise, breakfast and driving to school to getting home, sitting back and watching videos.
I’m also feeling a little relief at having fewer hours to teach tomorrow than before too as another two hours got passed on to another teacher.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The parcel of Bennu The Heron records arrived yesterday but I had to go and pick them up from the main post office and pay 700 baht tax on them which is just about the end of my money for the month.
Still, it was better than paying what Amy originally thought was 4000 baht. If it had been that much then I would have sent them back.
Something I learned today?
I found Yurin sitting by herself today and she looked up at me sadly and said ‘No friends’. I talked with her for a little while and she said that she was quarrelling with Dena and Earn though I’m not sure about what. I told her not to worry and maybe it will all blow over.
Later I caught up with Dena and she said that Yurin was always causing drama and everyone was sick of it. Actually, I’m not surprised at this as Yurin was always causing problems in the first semester of grade 7 when she was hanging out with Hyper, who eventually got taken out of school by her parents. Somewhere inside, Yurin has some conscience, though sadly, I don’t think the future holds much positive for her.
Praew told me that she won’t be in school tomorrow as she has to go to hospital and when I asked her why, she explained that she has to get new medicine for depression.
I asked her how she felt after taking the medicine and she said that she felt better but it also made her more anxious. I noticed before that she has shaky hands. She’s a bright and funny girl and I wouldn’t have guessed that she was taking medicine for depression.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I told Praew that she could talk to me anytime if she wanted.
For the last couple of days, I’ve been trying to encourage Baipad to do something kind for her friends. Yesterday she offered up that she lent her lip balm to her friend.
But then I asked her to do something intentionally kind today and she was stuck.
When I saw her in the morning she and all her friends were all just sitting playing games on their phones, with barely any interaction between them.
She told me that she will go to Chiang Mai tomorrow so I reminded her that she could buy a nice gift for a friend or something like that. Let’s see if she does!
I took this picture because Jin demanded it. Ueang and Jin, busy avoiding study.
Some things are indefensible We all make mistakes The idea is to learn and grow No matter what it takes
When genocide repeats itself What was the fight for? When the persecuted rain down Their own hypocritical war
When destruction becomes immoral What must a soldier do? Take a big bite of courage To get the message through
Propaganda no longer hides The truth of all this killing To turn a buck for a belief In a society no longer willing
Today I’m feeling:
Good, after forcing myself up and to exercise. I really wanted to sleep more so I’m happy with myself and my motivation.
Today I’m grateful for:
The local hospital and Dr Poom, my medicine dispenser. I was able to get straight in today with barely 5 minutes wait, despite it being very busy. I also asked about information for my students who are struggling and what to recommend them if and when they go to the hospital.
It occurred to me today that after Baipad tried to overdose on paracetamol all the hospital were concerned about was her kidney health. It seems like maybe no one even asked her why she did it!
Anyway, the info from Dr Poom was useful as they have a child psychiatrist there and psychotherapists too.
The best thing about today was:
My energy levels being great for most of the day due to that morning exercise. I felt energetic and inspired through all of the day and though I wasn’t doing much strenuous work since the morning I just kept going from one thing to another.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As mentioned a couple of weeks ago there has been a change to access the full replay of the AFL matches online and whilst I was able to access it with a VPN last time, today it didn’t work and I was getting wound up by it while trying to figure out a way around it. Eventually I just had to resign myself to watching the 15 minute mini-match highlights. Disappointing but all I can do is shout at the clouds.
Something I learned today?
I learned that it is costing the USA 200 million dollars an hour to keep the genocide rolling in Palestine. Or as the USA likes to call it, defending Israel.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent pep messages to Anchan and Baipad this morning. I also chatted a little with my other students, Freya, Winter and Wipping.
I beeped at the annoying BMW in front of me that failed to move at the traffic lights, meaning that we all missed it and couldn’t go anywhere. I was frustrated for a minute.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
I picked up the guitar again today and it sucked! But I persevered even whilst continuing to suck. I need to change the strings too. They sound dull – much like my playing! Never mind. I won’t be deterred.
I took this picture because this was the view from our dinner table on Saturday, looking over the Mae Khong to Laos.
This is our genocide so that makes it ok We’re making money and making them pay Never been the good guys, why start now Doublespeak makes us believable somehow
Accepting that our morals are better than yours Peace is treason in this world of wars If you don’t agree then we’ll have to kill you And when we need an enemy, you know, it’s still you
Blessed are we with the God-given guns Bombs with the power of multiple suns No longer left with any place to hide Welcome to our wonderful genocide
22nd Jan 2026 – What’s Going On? – peace – New poems were asked for but as this is still going on (and slowly being forgotten) I think it needs to be said again.
Today I’m feeling:
A little slow to get going this morning but now I’m coffeed up and lesson planning so my brain is engaged. Kinda don’t want to stop except I need to eat something!
Today I’m grateful for:
The weird Chinese tea that tasted like medicine but successfully cooled my mouth at the mala soup restaurant.
The best thing about today was:
Starting with a bang and feeling good winding down from around lunchtime until nighttime! I could’ve gotten more done but things will get done at the right time.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Baipad told me that she was hoping her mum would be sympathetic and understand how depressed she was after taking an overdose but whilst in the hospital she asked “Why don’t you just die?” Jesus Christ. I didn’t know what to say except that ‘I’m sorry’
Something I learned today?
Tibet is actually called Xizang. Not even the locals have ever called it Tibet.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
After Baipad told me what her mum said I consoled her and advised her to tell the doctor as much information as she can about her situation and feelings. She’s a little shy and scared to talk about this, preferring to hold it all in but it’s obvious that this is having a negative effect.
We dropped a case of beer to Goleng and thanked him for taking care of Amy last night after she drank too quickly and threw up around 7pm and passed out soon after! Despite that she said she had a great time and everyone was laughing with her this morning.
I took this picture because today was the last day for splashing water for Songkran.
1994ever 