I’m feeling weird and fuzzy again. I think maybe I have some Covid variation again. I got up at a reasonable time which was a bit difficult as Amy was still up and singing along to her favourite songs well past 1 am.
At 11 am though I slept again until 3 pm. Now I just feel like I have a stiff neck, blocked nose and little appetite despite knowing I’m hungry. I’m keen for more sleep and not excited about being back at work again tomorrow.
Today I’m grateful for:
Medicine, sleep and Sundays.
The best thing about today was:
Playing a little guitar and looking over old emails for information. I’ve done very little today and my brain is on strike. Despite this I was glad to do these little things.
Something I learned today?
Polluted air is mainly breathed indoors. We spend between 80 and 90 percent of our time indoors. Outdoor air pollutants find their way indoors and become trapped when there is no proper ventilation.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I complimented Noey on her shirt today as it was cute. She asked if I thought that she was cute and I said ‘No, just the shirt.’ She knows she’s cute, so she went off laughing.
I took this picture because P’ti was feeling very Sunday morning.
Sore. My back and knees are complaining after stressing them yesterday whilst cleaning out the sink drain.
Today I’m grateful for:
The parking guys with their whistles at Makro. I don’t know why they are necessary or why they blow their whistles so much as it’s impossible to understand if it means anything. I almost ran the guy over because I had a clear reverse behind me and he was the only thing in the way!
The best thing about today was:
Spending a few hours in my room, catching up on reading, sorting music, downloading and listening and then practising guitar. I want to spend more time doing this but I still don’t really enjoy being in that room anymore.
Something I learned today?
The average age of a Ukrainian soldier right now is 43!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I followed up with Earn, asking her the same question as I did about six weeks ago – Tell me five things you like about yourself. Her answers are better than last time. Less focused on looks and more focused on feelings and emotions.
What is a happy memory from my childhood?
I’ve lots of snippets of memories that are not particularly happy or sad, just things that happened. Some may have felt ecstatic at the time such as playing football at school or tragic like the time I cracked my eyebrow open on the edge of a step but at this distance, they are just events. I consider my childhood to be memories until I was about halfway through middle school, pre-pubescent. After that, I consider myself a teenager until I was forty!
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 11. Lead the Way. When you find yourself in a situation where everyone looks at each other, it’s time for you to lead. You’re a leader when you decide to become one. There’s no initiation or a title. Just a decision.
Before going through teenage depression I thought that I could be a leader. After that though, I mostly wanted to keep my head down though I still had a selfish streak of arrogance which popped up from time to time.
Whilst doing DIY punk things in Sydney I never felt like a leader but did hope that I was an inspiration for others and I can think of two friends for sure who did take something from what I was doing and ran with it themselves.
Now, at school, in Thailand, I consider myself the same. Not as a leader but as an inspiration. I want to inspire my students to become the best of themselves. I don’t work for prizes and awards and I don’t want to be managing other adults. I don’t want to lead people in such a way as to tell them what to do. Rather than leading I just want to be doing something. Anything. Just do it.
I took this picture because this was one of the few super cute kittens that were jumping around, playing and sleeping on this spirit house at the Night Bazaar last night.
A little vague and blurry but positive. I feel like I could easily sleep if given the opportunity.
Despite being tired and hungry when I got home last night and then only a little to satisfy myself I found that I was still reading comics at 11.30 and then it took me a fair while to actually go to sleep.
The morning alarm was a bit of a shock and for a brief moment, I contemplated snoozing it but made it up instead.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finally being able to crack the last part of the song that I was struggling to complete on guitar.
The best thing about today was:
My small grade 10 class again today who were a pleasure to teach and just talk with in general as the topic was about relationships. My lesson was more focused on romantic relationships but many of the points cross over to any kind of relationship.
As the English level of most of the class is quite poor I depended on the two good speakers to help translate some points and I could see that they were all able to understand to one degree or another.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got a message today from Nancy about not signing out when leaving school, which I haven’t done for about 2 years now. She said ‘they’ would reduce my wages. If they reduce my wages anymore I’ll have to start paying them to work! She asked me to message Kru Tang, which I did and she asked me to sign out and I said that I would. She didn’t mention anything about reducing wages though. Let’s see what happens next month.
Something I learned today?
Last year the USA beat all previous records for sales of weapons to the rest of the world. When is the rest of the world going to wake up to the fact that the USA wants more war to make more money?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I was pleased to see a couple of my usually lazy students pushing themselves a little more today so I made sure to praise them with personal messages this evening.
I took these pictures, as I mentioned last week because Cap was sitting here but decided to get up as soon as I got down to take a picture of him, so I took this series as he walked towards me.
Don’t tell the Yanks that they’re not free That’s when they start killing you and me What a different world we might be living in If we had chatted over a nice cup of tea!
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good. I’ve called in sick to work so that I can go to the hospital to get my medicine this morning so I’m enjoying some Utopian coffees first.
Today I’m grateful for:
A quick stroll through the local walking street market with Amy to get some dinner. I picked up some of my favourite salad that I always bought when Amy wasn’t here and I haven’t had it again in the three months since she’s back.
The best thing about today was:
Getting in to see the doctor without an appointment and whilst waiting I needed to go to the bathroom and by the time I got back it was my turn to see him.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At one point I was watching something on TV and Amy decided to start calling people on her phone. It was impossible for me to hear whilst she was chatting away. Never mind – guitar time! I headed off to my room to play.
Something I learned today?
My old student August (she who used to love dancing) told me of her interest in playing guitar last year. Today she sent me a video of her and a couple of guitar classmates performing (singing too!) outside Central Plaza. I was quite surprised and also jealous!
I wish I was young and unafraid like her. Learning something is easier when you are young and getting up in front of people isn’t so nerve-racking unless you are really shy.
Of course, I did that too when I was young. I guess I just want to be young!
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 8. Don’t Care About What People Think. We all die in the end, do you really think it matters what people think of you?
Kinda connected to what I wrote above, in many ways I’ve never cared what people thought of me unless I knew I was doing something wrong. When I reached about 16 or 17, something changed in that I lost a lot of self-confidence, though still sometimes ran on bravado, which never served me well. And from there it was an ever-decreasing circle. Somewhere along the way and slowly but surely I got some confidence back, especially when I started doing music-related things in Australia.
I’m reminded of one occasion when I was at the front of the crowd at Frequency Lab videoing Limited Express (has gone?)’s set. As there was no space between the audience and the band and only a one-step stage it meant being in the way of things a little.
Later, Dave Harris asked me about being there and I said ‘I didn’t care’ to which he was rather taken aback but I clarified that I meant that I didn’t care if I got pushed and shoved out of the way by the raging mosh pit around us all. Of course, most people will take care not to smash into people filming or taking photos and I would too, to a certain extent but ultimately if I had missed some shots or worse still, something got smashed then I would have had only myself to blame.
If people are not happy about something then they can say something.
This reminds me of another occasion when I was at the Big Day Out one time and a girl in a bikini top was on the shoulders of her boyfriend. This annoyed a few boys who were standing behind them but instead of moving somewhere else, where there was still plenty of room they thought it would be a good idea to pull on the strings of the bikini top to try and undo and embarrass the girl. On their second attempt, I stepped in and told them to move if they weren’t happy and they soon got the message.
Anyway, back to not caring what people think. Most of us will reach an age where this will just naturally happen and we’ll no longer much care. We get settled in our ways and remain the way we are. Some of us (myself included) will remain firm and polite in most situations whilst others will be curmudgeonly and unbending. I guess that depends on one’s character.
If I’m completely honest, there will still be some occasions when I will care what certain people think about me.
I took this picture because if you squint at these leaves they look like they have tiny lights at their centres.
A bit more lively than yesterday though I still fancy an afternoon nap. I’ve been the driver for the family today, to Chiang Saen, Mae Sai and Mae Chan.
Today I’m grateful for:
The candy seller at the market, where I found the candies that the stall has outside school and obviously at a better price. Whilst I picked out a few different bags she offered various others to try and taste. I was lucky that Amy found the noodles and mala sauce she wanted in this shop too so I snuck all my stuff in there for her to pay.
The best thing about today was:
Driving around, which made me think that I haven’t been up around the Chiang Saen, Chiang Khong area yet (on the motorbike) and it would be good for a nice laid-back ride sometime.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst I was in my room playing guitar I was surprised to hear the sound of rain on the roof. I didn’t think too much of it though it was kind of unusual to have rain at this time of day, this time of year. But then I heard banging and the shade outside my window had fallen down and was now slamming against the wall. The rain had gotten heavier and suddenly the wind had picked up. Next came rumbles of thunder and everything got stronger. I went outside and Amy screamed as the roof on the entertainment area started banging again where it was broken in the summer storms last year. I ran to the garage and emptied the wheelbarrow already full of water from the leaking drain and found a bucket to put in the shed to catch the leaking in there too, though both of these were relatively useless in rain this heavy.
Something I learned today?
Amy has been watching these YouTube videos of two Korean boys travelling around Thailand and today I saw some pretty nice places in Isaan that they were visiting. It would be good to go there one day though I feel a lot of places in Thailand look the same everywhere. Jungles, rice fields, mountains, rivers and beaches. I’m still quite smitten with it all though.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Driving the family around wherever they directed me and even though sometimes they confused me with their directions, I carried on without complaint.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 7. Be Grateful. Say thank you to everyone and everything “Thank you for this beautiful day.” “Thank you for your email.” “Thank you for being there for me.”
The longer I keep practising being grateful the more I’ve realised there is to be grateful for. Sometimes I struggle to find something new to be grateful for, especially if I haven’t been doing much but I usually come up with something. I’m not sure how many years I’ve been doing it now but I think I started sometime in 2020 and managed to do it pretty much every day since.
I’ve mentioned in the past that Thai people don’t often say thank you in a shopping situation and it’s quite a cultural norm. I can’t help myself though, it’s just ingrained since childhood to say please and thank you.
I took this picture because these kitties, along with two more inside, were surveying the surrounds from this second-floor vantage point as I pulled up at Utopia this morning.
Pretty good though it was a struggle to get up as I had enjoyed a couple of drops of cannabutter last night that knocked me right out.
Today I’m grateful for:
Go Nuts chocolate bars. They are kinda like Snickers but cheaper as they are manufactured in Thailand (I guess). They are smaller than a Snickers bar so I usually end up eating two at a time but even then they are cheaper. I still like a little something sweet after a meal, kinda just finishes it off for me.
The best thing about today was:
Spending a couple of hours in my room listening to new music and finding new songs to try and play on guitar. I also enjoyed being in the garden watering all our plants.
Something I learned today?
I saw a message posted to our department messaging group that there is something going on in the morning tomorrow which maybe means a change to our classes. I’m hoping to arrive at school tomorrow to find out my class is cancelled! It’s no big deal if it’s not but a bonus if it is!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I shampooed Tigger again just before lunch and he put up a little more of a fight this time but I managed to get it done without any scratches, thankfully.
As mentioned above, I watered the garden whilst Amy was enjoying watching a TV show and after that, I came in and fed the cats.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO 1. Struggle Is Good. Never say “I can’t take it anymore.” Say “Bring it on!”
This has taken me a long while to realise and embrace, although looking back I can see that I did this often.
I have a capability to endure certain things that others might not. Conversely, I’m sure others are capable of enduring things I cannot. It is the attitude towards this struggle that I embrace more now so that I might look forward to the difficult tasks.
I tend to visualise and actualise the feeling of having completed something and being able to relax, satisfied that I had done something.
When I was a teenager, so long as it was something I was interested in, I could start big, wild projects that could occupy my time and mind. These things didn’t feel like a struggle. Without realizing it I soon discovered that it wasn’t always the satisfaction of finishing something that made me feel good but just the doing of it. Over time this meant that I could take on tasks that were less interesting to me because I would just enjoy the doing, the struggle of them.
When I ask my students to write out a few paragraphs of text I enjoy taking note of those who complain and those who just get on and do it. This reveals a lot about their attitude.
These days, having a space that I love to rest my head at night, I can rationalise all discomfort at uninteresting tasks knowing that when the sun goes down I have a place where I can relax and do the things that are interesting to me.
Whilst I would rarely say ‘Bring it on’ I am no longer afraid of the challenges that confront me.
I took this picture because this tree’s red flowers turn brown before splitting open and revealing their seeds. This is the first time I’ve actually noticed the seeds inside.
At the flick of the switch There’s no transformation Remaining an ape or beast Change requires dedication No more time to waste If you wish the click to clack When you look at the sun It’s impossible to put it back
Reflecting on our animal nature A broken machine needing self-repair Once burdened by distraction Soon found themselves made it there Feed the mind with thought That keeps on the light Keep quiet and count the days When everything became quite right
Today I’m feeling:
A bit more relaxed after an extra hour’s sleep. Today is teachers’ day (apparently) and a day off from school though we are busy again at the temple. At least I got two Utopian coffees to kick off this morning.
I didn’t feel too hot after lunch and though feeling sleepy couldn’t get into a deep nap state.
Today I’m grateful for:
Whoever made the Thai snack boxes for the funeral ceremony tonight. There were enough left over for me to take some home.
The best thing about today was:
Mostly devoting my time to other people, though at the temple I’m not really doing much because I don’t know the etiquette or what is required but as soon as I’m asked I will do what is needed.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At Utopia this morning I couldn’t stop sneezing! I sneezed about fifty times and Nick and Art were worried about me!
Something I learned today?
The top five wealthiest people in the world doubled their wealth last year! Just in one year. I’m guessing that for many others in the world, they halved their wealth. The miracle of trickle-up economics, or should I say flooding-up?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I’ve been a good boy again, doing as I’m told at the temple. I kneeled to the boy monk as I handed him pizza for lunch! Good luck boy monk. Stay off your phone.
Driving twice in and out of the city again despite feeling not 100%. Tired by the afternoon and my sinuses feel uncomfortable.
List 3 good things you have now that you didn’t have five years ago.
I thought that this would be difficult as I haven’t really acquired ‘things’ that much but five years is a long time and I acquired one of the biggest things in people’s lives and that is a home.
This time five years ago our house was built but it hadn’t quite been turned into a home, at least as I feel about it now.
I feel comfortable and safe around our house and neighbourhood and inside is Amy’s playground for decorating. If I thought about it more and knew where to buy things easily and cheaply perhaps I would make a home environment that suits me too but I’m also a little lazy to do that. Mine and Amy’s ideas are not that compatible and I’m happy to defer to her in this instance. Actually, I’m happy to defer to her most of the time.
Five years ago I didn’t have a guitar and that cheap instrument has brought me a lot of pleasure since purchase. I don’t think that a better quality guitar will improve my playing that much so I’m happy with what I’ve got.
The last thing I have is a deeper love. My love and connection with my students has grown so much in this time and it fills me with joy. I wonder where all our futures will take us.
As I was messaging with Baipad, who is in her grandmum’s village for ดำหัวผู้ใหญ่, she told me that her mum told her to send me this picture of them in their traditional Lahu dress.
What does it feel like to function? Thoughts turned to action The picture comes alive An outlaw in this society We lose life every day Yet art will always remain The air and the food In a world where it’s easy to starve
A little dizzy still and my sore throat is back, I think from the incense at the temple irritating my throat.
Today I’m grateful for:
This Thai family around me. Not without faults but somehow welcoming and inclusive for this idiot.
The best thing about today was:
I did get an hour of free time this afternoon and got twenty minutes of enjoyable bad guitar practice.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve been assigned a task this evening as part of the ceremony though I’m not clear what it is. I was just told to follow the others doing the same thing. I feel like a kid in a school play who doesn’t remember where to stand or exactly what to do and just looks around at everyone else and hopes no one notices.
(Later) Well, it involved some scooting on knees and wai-ing and I hoped didn’t look too out of place as the only white non-Buddhist in the room.
Something I learned today?
This was a couple of days ago but worth mentioning that journalist Gonzalo Lira died in a Ukrainian prison. He was imprisoned for reporting truths about Ukraine’s targeting of civilians in Donetsk both before the US proxy war and in the early stages of it. It’s just another nail in the US imperialist coffin that lies about freedom and democracy.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
In between classes, I came to the temple to support the family and after class, I came to collect Amy before driving us home and then back to the city again to pick up food for Grandmum’s mourners.
August (grade 8) came to my class today sighing that she misses her boyfriend (who broke up with her six months ago). I consoled her but later sent her messages to be strong and independent. She appreciated my words but I could feel she’s not strong enough yet.
August (grade 9) took this picture because she stole my phone out of my pocket whilst I was talking with Kru Ren. This is Sunwa, August and Pat, whose birthday it was today. 15th birthday I guess, though she behaves with a little more maturity than her classmates.
Tired, relaxed and lazy again. Today is a repeat episode of yesterday pretty much. Not excited, not unhappy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The cake that Amy came back with at lunchtime, presumably from Nong Oh who she was out with. A light chiffon with cashews in a thick caramel topping. It was nice in that it didn’t taste as sweet as it looked.
The best thing about today was:
Cleaning up the last pile of junk on the floor of my room. There is stuff there that is inspiring me to think of new lesson plans so I hung on to quite a bit of it. The floor is clear but I still need to go through the stuff on the shelves and that will mean more inspiration and ideas and then a concern about lack of time to execute all those ideas.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In the scheme of things, I did very little today. If there was anything out of my control then it had no lasting resonance with my memory.
Something I learned today?
From watching the interview with Nathan Rich I discovered that you can inject whisky into your veins and get drunk from it. I mean, it makes sense but it seems like a stupid thing to do when you can just drink the stuff!
That guy has certainly had an interesting life and we share a weird connection in that we both got into computing as a way to raise ourselves up in the world (and both into punk and then with interests in China).
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Today was all about Amy and being sympathetic to her situation with the unfolding drama therein.
Was the killing of hundreds of hairy worms on the avocado tree a good or vile act?
Tell about something you love doing that you’re terrible at. And tell about something you really do not like doing that you’re great at.
For the former, I guess it would be playing guitar, though I don’t really think that I am terrible. I’m just not good.
For the latter maybe Maths, though again, I wouldn’t say that I was great at it either. In fact, if I think about it I actually like learning about Maths but have an aversion to it because of a long-held hatred of my high school Maths teacher.
Even then, I’m over it (I should be because it was 40 years ago!) so I need to think of something else here.
It’s tough. I don’t consider myself particularly great at anything and at my age now I’m not really doing anything that I don’t like doing anymore.
I took this picture because this pup is cute and loves me.
What is it I’ve lost? I really wish I knew Forever counting cost The dreams that withdrew
Always filled with hunger Came the realisation When I was younger I stunted imagination
Though I roll in riches On stock market gambles I can’t scratch the itches That fantasy unscrambles
Today I’m feeling:
Good to go in the morning but after lunch I flaked into a long afternoon nap from which I didn’t feel very inspired by.
Today I’m grateful for:
Paul Merton, an English comedian who I have enjoyed since the 80s. I loved his absurd humour in his TV series and now he is still on the long-running show Have I Got News For You where his very English wit still resonates with me. I can still enjoy the show whilst not having any real idea of what’s going on in the UK these days.
The best thing about today was:
Morning coffee and reading some more Wuthering Heights, followed by some pleasant (forgotten) dreams during nap time.
Something I learned today?
This app (Day One) offers a book service and it looks awesome. It would be better for me if WordPress did something like that though as that has more content. Still I reckon I might get a couple printed up for Hayden and Amy.
12th Mar 2024 – I’ve since discovered that there are services that print out WordPress sites and I will try and get one done for 2023 when I finally have finished updating it, which may still take another year yet!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I bought a T-shirt from Utopia, not because I need one but just to support them. I think Utopia T-shirts are one of the most popular shirts in our area.
What songs were the soundtrack for this year?
I decided to try answering this question knowing that this year is part on an ever decreasing tendency of listening to music.
Without there being a specific artist I would say the two things that I have heard the most are the songs that I bash along to on guitar and the Jazzcore podcast that I listen to about once a month for an hour or so, usually when I’m napping.
Which particular small thing that your partner does irritates you the most?
I’ve been mulling this over for the day and there may be many possibilities to mention but ultimately at the end of the day anything that irritates me is a choice that I’ve made.
And this is what I will keep telling myself every time I feel that way.
I took this picture because the hairdresser’s kitty reminds me so much of Kim. A happy friendly tiny little ginger cat.
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