Tag: language learning

When Old Friends Visit – 18th January 2024

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Thanks for the visit last night
Was there a reason to come?
I wasn’t really doing anything
Perhaps that’s why you came along

And why were you the way you were?
Not quite happy it seemed
We still couldn’t even share a joke
Even in a meeting dreamed

I had to leave quickly
I felt like you were perturbed
I closed the door behind me
And woke up quite disturbed

Typing this one out has given me deja vu. I feel like I may have written something similar about another dream I had. This one though was about the anxiety of meeting an old friend after tens of years and left on bad terms. In this real dream, I had last night, the meeting did not go well

Today I’m feeling:

Tired from a 5.30 am start to start the last day of Grandmum’s funeral. It occurs to me that this (kinda) solemn occasion is a huge stress on the family. There are so many ‘rules’ and traditions that should be followed, to do it the ‘right’ way, that it’s impossible to be perfect.

By the time we got to the crematorium, stress levels were up and it almost felt like forgetting why I was there. That was soon remedied though when the coffin was opened for the family to pour coconut water over the face and body. I turned to see Amy crying and it tore at me as I teared up too as she poured over some water and said goodbye and then I was full of grief again.

At this point though, all the ceremony of the last few days made more sense in my mind.

Today I’m grateful for:

The family again for including me as part of them and not minding too much when I did not know what to do in these circumstances.

The best thing about today was:

The best thing about today will be crawling back into bed and enjoying sleep. Things get back to normal tomorrow but I can’t wait for the weekend already. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Sadly I lost my streak on my Thai study app as I’ve been too busy running around this week. I’ll not beat myself up about it because it doesn’t change the things I’ve learned already. I’m trying to make the learning a little more difficult again to push myself. I’ll get back to it.

The scheduled quiz I set for my class to do this morning didn’t work, which was a little frustrating. Thankfully there was some free time at the ceremony where I could set it up again

Something I learned today?

Assigning work to a class always teaches me who can be responsible for themselves and who will just take advantage. 

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Today I was Amy’s little worker and I obediently did what I was told without complaint, even when we did things that seemed odd to me. In the morning I carried a tray of food to another building where we sat for a few minutes and then walked back to where we started. That tray was heavy after a while but I didn’t complain.

Either we went to that place by mistake or there was something about the food being in that space for a few minutes that gave it some kind of blessing that I’m not privy to. There is a lot of symbolism going on that I don’t understand and would scoff at if I did.

I took this picture because this cutie decided to take a rest at the bottom of the temple stairs.

On Repeat – 14th November 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The breeze blows through the open door
-Outside whipping the trees
–A glass of cold water waits
—It is happiness pure and plain
—-Mr Piano Man plays a song for me
—-I’ve nowhere else to be
—Using words to explain
–That the world demonstrates
-It will do as it may please
The breeze blows through once more

1st Apr 2024 – Submitted to MVB-PROMPT

Today I’m feeling:

Dizzy. Not unhappy or down just bothered by feeling sick. I ended up coming home after my first class as I was getting dizzier. I sent some instructions to my other two classes to complete some work for me this afternoon. I wonder if they will do it!

Today I’m grateful for:

Medicine that is helping my body fight this flu. David was telling me he thought he was getting sick but didn’t take any medicine just using natural remedies instead. Which is fine but everything is chemicals and the virus is natural too.

The best thing about today was:

Starting to feel better by late afternoon, at least until I move too fast. Then I feel dizzy again. I ended up doing a lot of Thai study today, getting back into the ThaiPod101.com learning. I’m considering paying for it again and pushing myself.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got home I got into bed and setup with my laptop. Cap was scratching at the door so I decided to let him in for a change. But within a second of jumping on my bed he started peeing and when I smacked him he jumped over to Amy’s and started peeing there. Motherfucker! I quickly grabbed up everything and shoved it into the washing machine. So much for getting some rest. I’m in the living room now and maybe I’ll nap a little.

Something I learned today?

According to newly declassified documents, in 1992 the US government laid out plans for Asia never to be allowed to be ruled over by an Asian country. It must always remain under US control.

When was the last time I cried?

A lot of tears were shed immediately after Kim’s passing and still now when I think of her my eyes get wet, even as I’m writing this.

When do I feel most calm?

When I’m alone.

I took this picture because Baitong came good on her promise to paint me a picture from her imagination. Amy was impressed and wondered if she could pay her to paint a picture of our cats.

The Cup Spiders – 5th September 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A cracked cup
Chipped and faded
Sits dusty behind antique glass
A spectator to many stories
Left untold

Holding congratulations aloft
Cheers to that day
Or sombre with lukewarm water
The passing of time

The spiders came
With their own tales
Making a new home
Hiding in wait
But nothing comes
All the times have died

The heat, the air
The insects and the weeds
A cup returns to earth
Still cracked, still broken
Yet still a cup

Today I’m feeling:

Strong and healthy. But also getting a little positive anxiety to start planning for next semester. It’s positive because I will use that as motivation. At the start of my exercise routine this morning I felt like I would want to fall back into bed by the end of it but I was suitably energised to get myself going. I can feel some of the exercises getting a little easier but push-ups kill me.

Today I’m grateful for:

The DuoCards app that is helping me improve my Thai learning quicker than other apps I use. I’m considering buying the subscription so that I can practice for longer. I currently use 4 free apps which are all time limited. DuoCards is a spaced repetition flashcard system similar to Anki.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a nice message from Earn after I sent her some positive reinforcement in an effort to help her combat her shyness when talking to a boy she likes. She wrote ‘i luv u t.shaun’ which comes as a big surprise as she was very rebellious and grumpy with me for a lot of the time last year. 

Also today, Fah tried to sneak away from my class this afternoon and I just happened to see her and call her back and she was a little upset and impatient at the time. I messaged her later and she is smart enough to understand that she shouldn’t have done that.

When some of my students call me ‘father’ in a loving way I sometimes think that perhaps now I am suitable and knowledgeable enough to actually be a father. But that time has come and gone. It also helps that I don’t need to see ‘my children’ for more than a couple of hours at a time!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

For the second time, someone stole my cooling powder from the small teacher’s room where I keep my things at work. I have to remember to see if I can find keys for the lockers in one of the classrooms tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

In a speech directed at the USA Xi Jinping commented on their behaviour with a Chinese idiom along the lines of ‘blowing out everyone else’s light won’t give more light to you’. I liked that as it seems appropriate.

What is one good thing I can do for myself?

Keep going.


I took this screenshot because I thought I could use it from time to time to send to students when they are feeling a little down. I’ve been collecting other similar inspirational quotes for them since too. No new pictures today.

Difficult Days – 31st August 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Give me a bad day
To show you who I am
Disturb my applecart
And mess with my plan

Look at you, all smiles
The sun, it always shines
The measure of the man
Is found in difficult times

An easy day for me
Fills me with compassion
For those facing struggle
And life comes down a-crashing

So give me a bad day
I’m gonna turn it around
Enduring all the pain
With this attitude I’ve found

Today I’m feeling:

Good for pushing through exercise this morning setting me up for my long day ahead. I’m starting to run out of time each day doing all the things I want to do and I think something is going to have to go and that will be TV and YouTube videos. I’m already cutting down just because of lack of time. Focus on the things I really prefer and enjoy to be doing. Stop wasting time.

Today I’m grateful for:

The language learning app Drops which I use to study Thai but which I have also asked a couple of my poorer students, Namsai and Nomsen, to use to study English and they checked it out this afternoon and seemed find it a little more compelling than Duolingo. I will introduce more of my classes to Drops instead and in the future. I think it is a slightly better learning tool despite not offering any opportunities to speak.

The best thing about today was:

Kinda improvising a lesson with one of my classes today and having it go really well. 

The original lesson I had planned wasn’t going to be long enough so I picked up a worksheet about ordinal numbers (they always struggle when asked what the date is) that could fill up the time. I started with it as I was expecting it to only take a few minutes. 

As they were getting themselves used to ordinal numbers I figured a best way to remember them was by doing birthdays so I went around the class asking everyone and writing them on the board. I noticed some smart students grabbing pictures so they could remember their classmate’s birthdays.

Once we had all the birthdays I got everyone and asked them to form a line from the first birthday of the year to the last and then spent 10 minutes sorting themselves out and finally I took a photo of them all.

By now time was too short to finish my planned lesson too. So I got them all to write the list of names in the order that had just just stood. This took them a good thirty minutes and I could see everyone puzzling out which name came next until finally they were done. To end, a long Kahoot to reinforce their learning. Everyone was happy and maybe they even learned something.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I decided I needed to catch up a handful of students in one class and the best way to do was to clear out the rest of the students so these ones could concentrate better. 

The class went well with the nine students, without all the usual distractions. They were initially a little miffed at their classmates going off for free time but soon understood the faster they got to it the sooner they’d be able to leave. 

With some slow careful explanations, I could see some twinkling of understanding in most of them. They finished with 30 minutes spare and off they went and off I went to House for extra coffee. 

Whilst I was there I got a message from our department head asking why my students were in the library at the time I was supposed to be teaching them. I got a little annoyed at this at first but I knew that it needed an explanation so I replied doing so. I didn’t get any reply.

Something I learned today?

Scientists have synthesised sugar out of carbon dioxide. Neat!

I took this picture because I wanted a record of the kids doing today’s lesson and lining up in birthday order. There are a few hilarious kids in this class and I hope this picture will be a useful reminder.

Unlovable – 6th August 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Why did she think she was unlovable?
I know she deserved much better than me
It hurt us both at the time
But the right thing to do to set her free

Then it was I who became unlovable
And I myself chose to believe
Eventually, we both came to realise
It’s only ourselves we deceive

A true story.

Today I’m feeling:

As predicted I had to get up a couple of times in the night as my guts gurgled and my ass burned and I had to skip my usual alarm not getting up for another two-plus hours at around 9.30 am. The grey outside had maintained the same level of brightness that it still seemed early morning. I skipped a shower and went straight for coffee, still wary that caffeine may soon trigger some kind of explosive action from my rear but so far so good.

When I got home I found that our clock had stopped last night and discovered that I had an extra hour and a half of day left. Bonus!

Today I’m grateful for:

Grabbing some soft serve ice cream at the little stall near the market which happens to be next door to where my student Baipad lives. I looked into the shop, which is a hairdresser and saw what must have been Baipad’s little sister running around. She was totally a mini version of Baipad which is saying something as Baipad is already short. She looked super cute.

Anyway, the ice cream was yummy.

The best thing about today was:

The grey skies never lifted for the whole day and rain is forecast 100% for the next eight days too. So it’s difficult to say what might have been the best thing today beyond such usual things as reading books and reading comics. That’s OK. It wasn’t a bad day by any means.

Oh, I just remembered I spent a couple of hours watching the football this morning too. That was pretty good as we won in a tight game with the Giants. With three games left, there is still a slim chance we can make the finals but it means winning every game and other results going our way.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Weather-inspired lethargy set in early. I just went with it.

Something I learned today?

China’s natural gas and oil reserves are deeper than other countries forcing them to drill the deepest holes ever and pushing their technological advancement at the same time.

What are three small victories I’ve achieved lately?

I’d somehow like to think that I have won over at least three lazy naughty students recently but should probably only count that as one.

I’m struggling to think of things I might consider victories. Life might be a battle but moving forward doesn’t feel like victory it just feels normal. Perhaps as a good life should.

Slow improvements to learning Thai and playing guitar don’t feel like victories because that’s the natural outcome of practice.

Victory also feels like it implies that there is a loser too.

Are there three losses that I’ve accepted recently? I don’t think so.

Rista took this picture last week because she wanted to see the camera quality on my new phone. This is her and Namkhing, who everyone seems to love. Her English is very poor but she will happily try when I push her which is a positive as far as I’m concerned. Perhaps this is part of her personality which others find attractive.
Posting this picture as, unsurprisingly, I didn’t take any today. With the forecast, I’m wondering when I might take more again.

Old Man Of Twenty One – 4th August 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I was from there, but you came from here
And now we’re here you want to leave
Beyond our borders, greener grasses
Chasing after the things that we believe

The world is sure bigger than we understand
To dip toes in the sand or look out from the hill
People leaving for ports unknown
And then we feel as if we’re standing still

For miles and miles, watch the Earth curve
And start running towards all your dreams
But one day, we arrive and reminisce
For the days when nothing was what it seems

Yesterday I was seventeen and tomorrow I’ll be dead
Pretending to be adult til that’s what I became
Dismissing the words of my all-knowing elders
Who’d long since been through the same

Those times we thought we were at the centre
And everything was made for us to hold
Now understood to be just youthful wishes
With the wisdom that came from getting old

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions and its connection with my own experience.

Today I’m feeling:

Really good. An easy day with a nice long gap between easy classes. With only about 6 hours of good sleep last night, I knew I was tired but was able to just remain laid back and go with the flow.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy persisting in hugging me last night before arousing me from my lucid dreams and into a delicious tangle of hips and limbs before we even managed to kiss. 30 minutes later and I was happily drifting into crazy dreams for far too short a time.

The best thing about today was:

From my ab workout and muesli yoghurt breakfast until sitting in this cool aircon before sleeping it’s been a day of feeling happy and spreading a little happiness around. A little bit of joy was shared between us all.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One of my students, Namfon, couldn’t do work in my class yesterday because she had no internet connection on her phone. This morning I asked her to come and talk to me and Kru Karn because I wanted to know how we could fix the situation. I could tell Kru Karn was really short with her and blaming her and Namfon started to look dejected and almost teary. I felt sorry for her but also wanted her to know that a solution had to be found. When we went back to class I tried to comfort her and she did eventually come round to a little smile. 

In my afternoon class lovely little Nicha had a cry too because, although she didn’t admit it to me until later, she couldn’t understand the work I wanted her to do. There was a lot of work and other students were too busy to help her. She told me her frustrations and again I tried to comfort her and she impressed me with being able to read more words this year. Even though she is one of the older kids she hasn’t really matured yet and, sadly, she’s been left behind in her class. It is a frustrating situation for everyone because she could easily slip through the cracks and deserves a better chance than what is on offer.

Something I learned today?

Again with students, I saw Fah in class today and she looked lost in thought and upset about something which is unusual for her. When I bumped into her l asked her about it and she couldn’t explain in English and just said รำคาญ which I later looked up to find means annoyed. I’m learning language in use.

I took this picture last month because all the paddies are getting seeded and this should all look amazing again in a couple of months’ time. No new picture today so having to dig back.

Run For Your Life – 21st May 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Every second that passes is paid for with your life
Even the smallest moments await your attention
You’re not getting back the time you waste each day
Are you living for the photo or living with intention?

Today I’m feeling:

A bit more awake and inspired. Amy’s parents were here when I got back from coffee and I could feel the influence of them just being here had on me. It’s a good stress to have to interact with people otherwise I would keep losing that capability. I have to force myself out and confront my considered deficiencies. I am totally happy by myself but also mustn’t completely cut myself off from the world. This is one thing that makes the stress of being around Amy and her giving me tasks, as I mentioned yesterday, appreciate her even if they are things is rather do in my own time. I understand myself and I think Amy understands me too.

Today I’m grateful for:

The apps I mentioned yesterday, reminding me to practice more Thai. I’ve set myself a target to learn the months and hopefully impress Amy ( I know it won’t but it’s something to aim for anyway). The Duo Cards app is pretty good for this task.

The best thing about today was:

Watching the Swans game on the big tv whilst ironing. It looked like we were going to lose against North Melbourne who are one of the worst teams in the competition. It was only an interchange infringement in the last 30 seconds that helped us win by getting a free kick and kicking a goal. A win’s a win but that was a shit showing. Admittedly we are without about six of our top players due to injury. We won’t be playing finals this year.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was due to have the back door fixed this morning after coming back from coffee but then Amy sent a message saying her dad was coming back to do it properly this time. I told her there was no need as I could do it but she insisted which frustrated me a little. I want to feel a little bit useful at least! Eventually, I resigned myself to letting it go and he did come and do a good job which also reminded me of myself as I considered why he didn’t do it properly in the first place and save himself time. But that is something I have done many times and have mostly learned to not make this mistake, depending on the task. As with everything any criticism projected outward should be considered through an inward filter first. We are very capable of highlighting the faults of others before highlighting our own.

Something I learned today?

I’ve been binge-watching the Bad Friends podcast and today I dug a little into Bobby Lee’s break-up with his long-time girlfriend. It is both fascinating gossip and celebrity promotion. They are all narcissistic to some degree (we all are really) and what I found interesting is how people comment on the videos as if they know exactly what is happening in these people’s lives. I sympathise with Bobby Lee somewhat as I think we share some personality traits.
Thinking about that more I guess we sympathise with the similar traits we see in others and maybe I excuse or ignore those that we don’t like.

What am I thankful for today?

I’m thankful that Amy’s dad came back to fix the door and her mum did some morning watering. I’m thankful to Noey for doing her best at making me coffee and saying she would buy some milk to practice more, adding ‘just for you’ which made me feel good whether it’s true or not. I’m actually wondering if she might be a good choice for a cat sitter for us. I’ll find out more.

Anchan took this picture on Friday because she was taking a video in the auditorium where all the English Program students were gathered. I asked her if she had a picture of me and Ren together and she sent me the video that I took this capture from. He’s a character for sure and I want to find out more about him.

Moving Forward – 17th May 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Now living in a generation of hope
This is a world in which to move up
One where all the collected spoils
Can be shared from the same cup

The test of the promises made
Will be seen when faced with the burden
Where the whisper will turn to cries
Yet claimed that none ever heard them

Today I’m feeling:

Reasonably upbeat and positive after doing half an ab workout this morning and then coming home early to enjoy the rest of the day. Tigger spent about three hours sleeping next to me on the sofa where Cap usually sleeps. 

Today I’m grateful for:

My old students Porpieng and Baitong telling me about their new school, Tessaban 6. I was pleased to know that they are not allowed phones during the day and also have to do homework. I think they will both benefit from a bit of a tougher atmosphere in school though they are not particularly thrilled about the change right now.  I have high hopes for these two students as they stood out to me in my classes.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling inspired enough to check out some more Thai learning apps and sitting and doing some study and revision. I’ll get back into the habit again so I can try and communicate more.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

This morning I got up as usual and did everything as normal. As I was driving to school I noticed that another school I drive past was closed today. That was weird. Then I noticed that traffic was much better today too. And as I got closer to my school it became obvious that it was a holiday today but no one had told me. There was also nothing in my online calendar about any public holiday either. Well I just tuned right around and drove back straight to Utopia and enjoyed a couple of coffees there. Never mind the wasted petrol, here we are already with a day off after only two days back at school. Take what you can get.

Something I learned today?

I guess I learned (a little too late) that today is the Royal Ploughing Ceremony holiday and that the schools shut because of this.

What impact do I hope to make in the world?

Bereft of youthful idealism I hope that I can encourage some of my students to push themselves to make better futures for themselves. Perhaps this is elderly idealism. At least I still cling to an ideal.

I took this picture because Tig enjoys my book in a different way than me! He came for cuddles and rubs and ended up staying.

Animal Pure – 14th May 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

These relations are an approximation
Things are more beautiful when you are on the outside 
Trusting the seasons more than people
Loving the cities, loving the animals
I know. I know. I know. Don’t get too close
I’m not letting anyone in.

inspired and paraphrased from Broken Summers by Henry Rollins

Today I’m feeling:

(morning)Expectant, anticipating. Winding up with stress. Envisioning feelings and actions of tomorrow.
(bedtime)At the moment I’m feeling a bit despondent if I’m honest. I don’t have a clear direction or purpose right now. 

Today I’m grateful for:

Receiving a new T-shirt in the mail that I wore for the first time today. It has a new t-shirt smell and feel for the first and only time. After the first wash that will be gone.

The best thing about today was:

Meeting a lovely little kitten when I was picking up lunch. Reminded me a lot of when we first got Kim Chi. I felt an excitement from the unconditional affection it gave me. I thought about what it would be like if I took this kitten home right now and it made me a little sad because I don’t want to lose and replace my memories of Kim. I know I will lose them one day and maybe that will be a better time to think about new additions to the family.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy made another quip about my not knowing enough Thai when I told her about the aircon people. She said ‘How am I going to survive in Thailand if I don’t communicate more?’ though I’ve been here by myself for most of 18 months and during most of that time she’s talked about us staying in Australia which doesn’t inspire me so much to want to struggle more with learning the language. I felt frustrated and a little disconsolate. Maybe I should go and find some intensive course to study next April, somewhere in the south where I can avoid the air pollution for a while.

Something I learned today?

I saw some Google AI updates for Gmail that looked useful though it would’ve been more useful to me about 20 years ago. I don’t use email so much these days.

What is the weather like right now?

Cooler and cloudy. Low clouds making the mountains pretty. There’s sun over there somewhere as it’s hitting sections of the mountain lighting them up in a peculiar fashion as the cooler cloud sits above.

I took this picture because I made a new friend at lunchtime.

Iceberg – 10th May 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Under the waterline
Is where dignity remains
Invisible to others
The pleasure and the pains

Behind the smile
Is where the psyche trains
Inside the mind
Words to the self explains

Not all thunder
Brings along the rains
Under the waterline
Are made the unseen gains

Today I’m feeling:

Slept well last night and feel ok today though not particularly motivated. I’m hoping that will return next week when the kids are back at school.

Today I’m grateful for:

7-11 food. Although I’m a little negative about 7-11 because there are way too many stores nearby I’m glad that they at least give me an alternative for a quick microwave meal that can stave off my hunger.

The best thing about today was:

Dropping by to see Bruno and Nut and being offered lunch. It was good to catch up with them though they were hungover from a long day of drinking yesterday. They were feeling a bit slow and I didn’t really have much to update them with so I didn’t stay for too long. It made me realise that I’m not used to communicating after five weeks being mostly at home by myself. I know my mood will lift once I see my students again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

On Telegram today I got a notification that my old colleague at the cafe in Woolworths, Joy had just joined so I sent a message saying hello. I got a reply but it seems like it’s not her and I got an angry message asking if I was a scammer. It got me thinking that we have years and years of old contact numbers kept in our phones and computers that many people will have gotten new numbers and then after a few years those old numbers get recycled. What feels like a strange world that we live in will just feel normal to the younger generations and then one day they will get to feel like this too.

Something I learned today 

I started with the Thai app again mainly just to busy my brain. I also want to try and do a little more meditation again so registered again with Smiling Mind.

What is something I wish I had known when I was younger?

Everything, obviously. There’s no point wishing for something that can’t happen. 

This is my cartoon face. Or more precisely, a younger me’s cartoon face. I’ll do a current one soon.