What I Am Not – 20th February 2024

Looking up into the darkness of the night
I could have been an astronaut exploring space
Tuned into the Sydney Olympics that time
I could have been the one that won the race

Trudging through the muddy fields in Autumn
We were as soldiers marching off to war
Or on the school fields, shoes for posts
We were the team with the winning score

Racing Matchbox cars down twisted tracks
I will be the one praised with champagne and girls
The architect of the biggest castles
And a new country whose flag unfurls

But would I always come out on top
With the skills that I have got?
I may not know so very much
But I do know what I’m not

Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge #318


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. I notice that I’ve been waking up before my alarm recently and with my aching shoulder meaning a lot of tossing and turning during the night along with Cap wanting the door opened a couple of times to go in and out, I’m pretty tired too.

Today I’m grateful for:

Getting new tyres on the car today.  I couldn’t really tell the difference but after five or six years I guess it was time.

The best thing about today was:

Having a couple more reading classes in groups of five or six again.  It’s a lot of fun even though it means leaving the rest of the class to their own devices until it is their turn.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Just as I was leaving this morning Amy told me that after my first class, I have to go and wait at the car service place until our car is ready, which is hopefully before I’m due back at school!  I was looking forward to spending time at the cafe, reading and writing but I guess it doesn’t matter too much as I can do that at the car service place too.

So, after class, I grabbed a takeaway coffee, went to Mum’s, picked up Amy and with a slight detour got to the car service.  It was around 11.30 by now and Amy said they thought everything should be done by 12 so we sat around waiting. I did some lesson planning for a while and then someone came and told us that everyone was on a break now and that the car won’t be ready until later.

We tried to work out what to do next as I had to come back to school and Amy was off to visit Nut.  How would I get back from school to pick up the car?  Amy didn’t want to have to drive back to pick me up.  I figured I could get a Grab from school though that would be a pain in the ass as it is really busy around the school at that time.

Whilst we were thinking about this they said that we could pay now and it was then that Amy discovered she didn’t have her credit card and would have to go home and get it and come back anyway!  So I said that she may as well come and pick me up too!

So, I don’t know if that makes any sense but all in all it was a waste of two hours with absolutely nothing achieved from that running around.

If I had been the one that had forgotten the card I would never have heard the end of it and I gently reminded Amy of this fact, taking a minute to shine in the glory of not the one being at fault this time.  I’m sure this will soon be reversed by something relatively inconsequential that I will be admonished for.

So, ultimately I handled it with smug satisfaction and a little bit of annoyance.

Something I learned today?

I learned that Baipad didn’t do anything special or get any gift from her mum for her birthday which is a bit sad to hear.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I like to think that remaining calm and adaptable to the situation described above was a good deed.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  19. There’s No End Game. We, as a species, just are. Don’t try to figure it all out. Enjoy your journey.

OK, I know that we just are, life is meaningless and I am still enjoying the journey very much.  

But I also think it’s ok to try and figure things out as much as I can.  For myself, not for the world.  I just want to figure out how to make my world the best I can and slowly I see it improving.

Fah took these pictures because my phone was sitting on my desk where she was taking notes from my laptop screen. They were a surprise to me when I went to see what photos I had taken today.

A Red Light – 12th September 2023

A red light when there’s no one around
What a dilemma for the righteous philosopher!
“Go, go, go, go”, the passengers cried
Out of nowhere, a truck obliterates them all

found in pictures here
18th May 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. A little run down from a weirdly exhausting day and I’m not excited for the rest of the week. All my classes were simple but the last one of the day is always a little frustrsting as these impatient grade 8s want to leave as soon as they can. Me too!

Today I’m grateful for:

The plentiful snacks I have around that have carried me through my busy early evening with taking to the vet again for one more blood test. I’m grateful he’s all back to normal too.

The best thing about today was:

Having to take Tigger to the vet meant more time to listen to podcasts. The day has been good (apart from the news below) but nothing really stood out as being the best. Another day in a string of reasonable, positive happy days.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Talk is that for this coming holiday will only be ten days. I’ve already booked my flights to Australia and will be going anyway. It may mean losing some pay but no matter. David was quite disheartened by the news especially as last year we had four weeks holiday. I laughingly told him to fix his attitude and turn it around to ‘at least we have ten days holiday’ but I can understand his disappointment. It’s been a tough semester and he has the two terrible grade 8 classes that I had last year. It’s tiring for real.

After getting the good news that Tigger’s blood is back to normal I called Amy to give her the good news. In turn, she told me that along with Grandmum not eating, her dad was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer and will need to go for chemo. This will all put a lot of strain on her mum and also puts my travel to Australia in jeopardy. Bad timing but what can we do? I’m not so fussed about having to change plans or losing money on flight tickets but more dejected about the ever-increasing number of upcoming funerals that lay ahead.

What do I complain about the most?

As an English person I have no idea what I complain about because I am not conscious of ever doing it. Even I notice how much other English people complain!

 I ‘think’ I don’t complain about much these days but now that I am writing about it I know the sad truth. 

The thing I complain about most is my student’s behaviour. This I can accept as they are aged between 12 and 16 and I know what I was like at that age. It’s just behaviour, not the person. What I really would complain about is adults behaving in the same way. I don’t hang about many adults now pretty much for this reason. Other adult’s bullshit is tiring. They don’t have the excuse of being a teenager anymore.

And I know that the same criticism can be levelled at me too. Another reason not to hang around with adults. When I fuck up like that with my kids it’s all forgotten and forgiven in the same way I would do for them.

I’ve been really struggling with pictures recently as my focus has been more internally focused over the past month or so. Things within my vision are not catching my eye throughout these days of repetitive actions. I need to add some variety into my days to change that but I’m mostly happy doing what I’m doing. This has given me an idea though.
Anyway, here’s another picture of the pup from a couple of days ago.

No Fish – 6th September 2023

A fish for today
A problem gone away
Tomorrow, will you be so kind?
A gift quite odd
Here’s a fishing rod
And you may eat all the fish you find


Today I’m feeling:

Ready for the day. I had a bit of a bad dream when my alarm went off. A weird story of Nong May and I walking across a street and she bumped into a guy and they both fell over. I was concerned for both of them and we ended up catching a scary bus to get to a doctor and insurance place. Everything around was getting darker and more ominous. I could’ve slept a lot longer but I was quite glad to get out of this dream.

Today I’m grateful for:

Not having caught everyone’s colds and flu so far. Many students are sick, coughing and sneezing in class. Sooner or later I will get sick for sure but so far so good. I can feel my throat is dry and itchy just when I’m writing this!

The best thing about today was:

Feeling like my Thai language learning is improving just by using it in class more often and trying to understand the kids when they speak Thai to me. Google Translate is much better than it was a couple of years ago and I can imagine we get to a point where we don’t even bother to learn languages anymore and use super fast translation instead. 

In my grade 10 class today I asked the students how often they used messaging instead of calling and it seemed to be 80/20 favouring messaging.

Will we stop talking altogether? Once we figure out converting thoughts into text maybe our mouths will only be used for eating.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday I was thinking about doing a particular exercise (running dictation) with a couple of my one-hour classes but then remembered that in previous years it had taken much longer, so I quickly switched them around to be in our two-hour classes, one of which was today. 

I was then shocked to find them finished within the hour and us having time to spare. I stretched things out before letting them do other work or free time. 

Everyone enjoyed the class, though they got hot with the running and as I had anticipated the lazier students soon got distracted but in the end, things turned out ok. I do the same exercise with another class tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

There are rumours that the terrible fires in Hawaii, which locals are saying may have killed a couple of thousand people, may have been deliberately started or at least had a deliberately delayed response as investors were looking to get the area cleared out to build a new ‘city’.  Save time and money by letting everything burn!

The locals are still struggling to receive help or even information. It sure looks like a horrible situation and is close to a modern genocide if these people are to be believed.

What random memory comes to mind right now?

This is a difficult question to answer when sitting and trying to think of it. It then becomes not random. Random memories will pop up during the day but not at the time I have this question in my mind. All the things that happened today are already memories and they are already swirling around in the quagmire of my brain.

Next time an older memory does randomly appear I’ll try to remember it and come back and add it. Or more likely I will read this sometime in the future and all the text here will be the actual random memory.

What am I taking for granted?

I think I am probably taking a lot of things for granted right now, though because of that, they are difficult for me to identify. Everyday things such as water, electricity, internet, phone, computer data, and music are almost ubiquitous and easily taken for granted and would be stressful if taken away. 

In some ways, I take Amy for granted but that is part of a relationship and we often remind each other in mostly humorous ways that we don’t do that.

Part of writing a gratitude entry every day is to be reminded not to take things for granted.

Miyor took this picture amongst a whole bunch of others because she was messing around with apps and filters etc.  I wish the kids would put as much effort into studying English! 

Last Library Lost – 30th July 2023

High on the dusty fumes
Amongst friends old and new
Above us, a high ceiling looms
And a door beckons us through

There are tiny beautiful things
Collected to devour
High above, a princess sings
With such emotional power

Such candies of peace and war
Looking for old times lost
Not knowing what to look for
Or worrying about the cost

Along creaky floorboards and stairs
The world can be travelled at home
There’s nothing else that compares
To reading in one’s own comfort alone

Cries for love in poetic rhyme
Tears for another’s book burning
Forever backwards travelling time
A whole world ready for learning


Today I’m feeling:

Undecided. Still a little weary and the skies are dull and grey again though at least there is rain to make the pleasure of staying inside more appealing.

After lunch of Amy’s homemade lasagna, it’s difficult to stay awake and I thought I could play guitar but Amy has gone for a lay down so I’m struggling through. It seems to have gotten darker throughout the day somehow, the mountains drenched in dark most, as the farmer backs and forths through the watery paddy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The wind, our fans and the humidity. Despite it raining today and as it was forecast for the whole week I decided to wash my bedsheets, hang them on the terrace and shove the fan on them. Tonight I’m back in the big bedroom with clean sheets and another fan. Amy is out with Nut tonight and if she comes back late and drunk she can possibly not disturb me if I’m already sleeping.

Amy invited Bee to go with them but never got any reply before she left. Bee had commented on a photo that Amy shared of us all out at dinner, ‘miss you so much’ etc. but we know that she won’t be allowed out by herself by George.

Who knows, maybe she did get out in the end. But I doubt it.

The best thing about today was:

Watching Sydney hang on against the Bombers in the AFL. We have a slim shot of making finals still this year though to be honest we probably don’t deserve it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Just as I’ve been sitting here writing this Cap came in and pissed on Amy’s bed. A big one, FFS! Just as everything was starting to smell nice… 

I took the wet sheets and pillow and dumped them outside on the terrace then soaked up as much pee as I could before throwing a bottle of baby powder over the whole bed.

Something I learned today?

My OG student Momo messaged me today asking me what question to ask someone to find out what kind of person they are? Cute! She’s switched to the Japanese program this year but from what I understand her pertaining to, she is online chatting with an Italian guy using English. 

Quite amazing how far we’ve come from pen pals writing letters every couple of months to just being able to immediately connect with someone face-to-face on the phone.

Momo is a very intelligent and cute girl. She can snag a handsome Italian!

What is my favourite photo of the past month?

Oddly, it’s this one. I took four photos of these flowers which hang on big trees. None of the pictures were good but I zoomed in and cut the picture down to just this and it has something about it. The image has stuck with me.

I took this picture because these pretty dragon fruit flowers only look good for a day but they are big and cake-like fluffy. Still no fruit.

Rob writes – 1st April 1995

Hi there!

I’ve just gone round Chrissy’s to show her the photos – yeah, they’ve come out and are pretty cool! (Although one whole film didn’t come out – bad news man!) 

Amanda’s going to a party today, so was really restless and punched and jumped on me all the time! And Rebecca’s gonna have her picture taken today – professionally done.

I’m gonna get a few photo albums to chuck the pictures in so I can show everybody. I’ll send you some over when I get the chance. 

My writing routine which I set myself is already shot away but I’m gonna try harder next week. Sorry for writing just about anything – there’s so many distractions – 5 minutes to scribble this rubbish, then off to Southampton post office to post this. They don’t close til 5 o’clock so thank goodness for that, otherwise you’d never get anything from me.

See you when I come over again (whenever that is!?)
Love
Rob

30th Jan 2024 – Even a slow news day was appreciated in those pre-internet times.

*The Week That Was – 9th April 1984

Record of the week: Self Abuse – Soldier EP, DOA – Bloodied But Unbowed LP (again)

9th April 1984
Physics – Hayward was in a good mood. Had a laugh. Maths – total fuckin’ shit. Took some photos with Bernice’s camera. Did some moonies. Social Studies – had a good debate about ‘class barriers’. H.E. – ok, did fuck all. Went to Burd’s. Went to Rupes with Burd on the back. Coming back, came off bike for first time. Came home, watched Hill Street Blues and something on Channel 4.

10th April 1984
R.E. – did some more work. PSCE – did nothing. Maths – shit. Biz – Julie hit me and wrote songs. Lunch – had a shit game of football. English – good laugh. Took photo of Mr King and some of our class. Took a photo of about 30 of us sneaking around by the pool. Even sexy Sue came over. P.E. – good game of football. Played some drums. Went to Jim’s. Went to Simon’s – didn’t get back til 12.

11th April 1984
H.E. – boring. Physics – nicked a stroboscope and seem to have gotten away with it. Half day cos of strike. Burd came back on our bus. Pissed around on mopeds but got told to stop it. Rupert came round. Did some drums. Got some fags. Burd went to catch bus – didn’t come but Jim came round earlier and took him back. Rupert went on later. Finished my project – did about 3 hours work to finish it off. Did a cassette for it as well. Fucking knackered now. Cat’s worried cos he’s not allowed out cos he’s having his nuts off tomorrow.

12th April 1984
Art – got on with some work. P.E. – won football – wasn’t a bad game. Lunch – Newman saw us smoking but didn’t do anything. Social – didn’t do much. Biz – did a crossword. Went home on Clarkes (?) – talked to Julie. Had a bath. Went down Gaunts – saw Dandy changing – nearly had a heart attack. Went to club. Bought tons of booze. Rupe’s dad brought it and Jez and Roo. Went to find party – couldn’t so went to Muz’s. Gave us a bottle of wine and I nicked another one. Drunk one – went up to Houldey’s. Dandy wasn’t wearing much. I got pissed. Came back. Put on DOA and nodded off.

13th April 1984
Woke up 11ish. Felt fucking awful. Did this and that. Went to find Muz. Wasn’t there. Came back. Did some drums. Went down shop. Bought some cream soda and crisps and fags. Went to find Muz again. Found him. Scott came along and his chain came off his bike. Got money off Muz. Came back. Saw Beki. Frost came along. Saw Paddy. Came back. Rang Zoe – she wasn’t there. Had a bath. Danced to strobe and DOA.

14th April 1984
Got up late. Went to Poole. Self Abuse single finally released so bought it. Me and Roggo came to the conclusion Poole’s boring. Bought booze. Came back. Practice drums. Got money off Muz. Went to collect Zoe from Bournemouth. Came back. Borrowed money to get some fags. Got her smoking. Rang Burd. Said we’d be going down. Started walking. Met Burd. Walked more to club. Zoe rang everyone under the sun. Cremated a rabbit. Started walking over to Roo’s. Met him halfway. Walked back to club. Had a chat in bus shelter. Wandered on back and here we are.

15th April 1984
Got up 10.30. Put on Self Abuse. Stayed in bed with Zoe in the morning. Took the dog for a walk. Had some food. Back into bed. More food. Zoe’s got lurgy on her face for some reason. Dunno how. Anyway – all sorts happened too disgusting for you to read.