Though I am I used to be Never felt strange But do agree
a simple man a different me accepting change that I must be
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but happy and positive. I got another couple of lessons completed this morning and happy with how they turned out. I’d hoped to get to Daytripper to do more but after a quick shop, I got home all sweaty and jumped into the shower and didn’t feel like putting clothes on to venture outside again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The lack of traffic in the morning meant I didn’t need to rush too much to clock in at school.
The best thing about today was:
See the attached picture.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I gave in to nap time though I think it was only for about forty minutes. I listened to the Jazzcore podcast so it was a pretty wild aural assault into my dreams. I woke up drooling.
Something I learned today?
Funfai messaged me to say she saw me at school this morning and when I asked her why she was there she said she was playing tennis again. She said she will go again on Friday so I will pack some clothes and perhaps have a chance to have a hit with her too.
What are my top priorities for the day?
Now I’m at the end of the day but I know the main priority was having organised to meet my old students and treat them to lunch. As they were also Bruno’s old students I thought it would be a nice surprise for all of them to catch up. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be difficult for the kids and if they would flake out but they made it and also in good time.
Quote: Humility cannot exist without love, and love cannot exist without humility – Saint Theresa of Avila
I always subscribed to the notion that you must love yourself before you can let be anyone else (though it took me about 40 years to actually put it into practice). Once you’ve understood how to love yourself you learn to put others first and you no longer need to seek their approval or play any kind of game with them. You can be humble before them.
Nut took this picture because I had planned a surprise for Bruno and our old students, Porpieng, Momo and Baitong to catch up together today. It’s been six months since I saw Popo and BT as they switched schools and I rarely see Momo as she switched to the Japanese program. For Bruno, he hasn’t seen them for more than five years! I’d tried organising them meeting a few times before but it never worked out. I think everyone was happily surprised to see each other again.
Tired from a long reasonable sleep. My body is aching from all the exercise this week so I’ll happily give it a little break. No plans in particular for today though I might watch the AFL replays as they should be good games. I’ll get some reading in today as I skipped it a lot this week, running out of time and energy. I need to pick up the guitar too. Suddenly I’m filling a relaxing day but at least there’s no real stress right now.
Today I’m grateful for:
A dreamy afternoon nap, spacing in and out of the jazz core podcast. Is that weird? I remember one time as a teenager Jez came around and he couldn’t believe I was sleeping and listening to Crass’s Yes Sir, I Will album cranked up and to be fair I wasn’t in a deep sleep but spacing in and out. I guess I’m well-practiced.
The best thing about today was:
Drinking late morning coffees and getting a super buzz off them. I contemplated a third but managed to restrain myself. I wish I could drink endless coffees without getting so jacked up on them.
What is it that makes you a weirdo in your space?
To answer this I might have to figure out what ‘my space’ means. In fact, I might be considered a weirdo in any space these days. But I’m projecting that onto other people. I don’t think of myself as weird at all.
My space as a teacher: not just as a teacher but as a teacher in Thailand. By being a foreigner, that immediately makes me an anomaly. We are treated differently by other teachers and students alike.
My style of interaction with the teachers is relatively normal but I am one of only two teachers I ever see engaging with kids outside of class. This could also contribute to how the students treat me differently too.
They don’t show the same respect but they are more interactive at least. I don’t see myself as being on some kind of untouchable pedestal that this status could afford. I’d rather connect on a more friendly level. That means also having to deal with all their emotional ups and downs and behavioural issues as they are navigating their teenage growth.
What the Thai teachers think about my style of interaction with the students I have no idea or particular interest. I’m doing the best I can with the little skills I have and if it improves my student’s lives in any way then I consider what I’m doing to be positive.
My space as a music supporter: as demonstrated with tenzenmen I have a broad range of musical interests and whilst this makes for an unsuccessful business model I don’t wish to be defined within a limited genre because that’s just boring to me. Some people get it.
As a person that was in the middle of a ‘scene’ in Sydney, I was also, somewhat purposefully, separate from the other people involved. In many ways, I just didn’t want to deal with all the personal bullshit going on in their lives or share any of mine. Our interactions were intentionally just involving music and getting that out there. I felt that about 80% of the people were my friends whom I could trust if I ever needed but always managed to keep myself in a situation where that need would never arise. This didn’t make me close friends in their eyes but it did for me.
My space as Amy’s partner: Amy may consider me a weirdo in many ways but she understands my aesthetic and ideals whether she understands my interests or not.
For other people outside our relationship, I don’t really know what they might think about me as an individual but they are often confused about our relationship. For Amy and I, it is not confusing at all.
Many of her friends do not understand how we can trust each other and maintain our relationship when we are not together but that is hardly a statement on us and says more about them.
My space as a father to Hayden: I guess I’m not particularly weird in this space. I have never been much of a hands-on controlling kind of father and therefore have not been particularly stressed about his growing pains and even when it has been frustrating to watch him make mistakes I have always trusted that he will find his way in the end and slowly he seems to be doing that. I may be wrong but I feel many fathers deal with their sons in the same way.
There are other spaces I fill too but these feel like the main.
What would make today great?
Well, the day is almost done and it was a standard good day without anything particularly great occurring. It was great that the rain that threatened all day managed to hold off until I had brought the washing in. Small wins.
Noey took this picture because I got up late and Utopia were wondering where I was. That’s nice to be appreciated as a customer or even as a friend.
A familiar pain satisfies Almost spurning contempt Each feeling classifies Contradicting its attempt Mouth breathing still Forms subconscious thrill
Inspired by a sentence or two at Spinning Visions. Sometimes, the familiarity of something is comfortable even though it is something we dislike. We, as humans, really don’t enjoy change.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good. My body is a little achy from exercise but I can feel my bones getting more support from my muscles. My head is feeling positive and I’m happy to be where I am in the world.
Today I’m grateful for:
The guy who makes the Post-Avant Jazzcore Happy Hour podcast that has given me many hours of interesting listening either at home or in the car.
I mention it today because I was listening today and the music was a little minor-chordy, moody and dark and ultimately I didn’t find it quite as exciting as other times though I could feel the musicians were pretty damn awesome.
The only downside to the podcast is that I have to change the playback speed to normal as I’m usually listening to talking podcasts at one and a half speed.
The best thing about today was:
The chaos of my last class of the day! It is one of the classes that I moved to work in the canteen because I was embarrassed by them in our language building as they were extremely difficult to control.
Moving them and giving them standard tasks that they repeat each time but with a different text has allowed them to get an understanding of what is required and they can plan ahead so that they don’t have to sit around until the end of the class.
One of the advantages of being in the canteen is that the kids can spread out and go off as they please when I’m happy that they completed the work.
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that some of the poorer students have improved their skills a lot, perhaps with maturity as well as learning.
What I like the best is that they no longer fear work when they see it. Gradually over time, they’ve realised that they have to try and that is all that I’ve been asking of them. I guess you could say they’ve made me proud!
They are still a chaotic bunch as any group of 36 13-14-year-olds are prone to be but they are generally fun to be around.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
One of my classes, one of the better ones, was a bit of a handful today and tested my patience. Thankfully it was only a one-hour lesson and a fair percentage of the students understood what was required. Some days you just don’t know what you are going to get but I’ve gotten better at rolling with the punches.
Something I learned today?
Some American politicians are considering leaving the United Nations. To be honest they should as they never follow or implement the consensus opinion unless it suits them. That is not what a UN should be about. BRICS is becoming a superior allegiance of countries that does follow international law and UN resolutions and they have put forward a 10-point charter that states so. Outside of the brainwashed Western kaleidoscope of nightmares, it seems obvious where the better path forward lies.
I took this picture because Kim’s grave is finally looking the way I want. I’ll be happy if it continues like this without any grass growing through. I miss that little kitty too much.
1994ever 