Tag: Rista

Inflation – 1st February 2024

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You can’t keep your dreams under a mattress
Where they’ll be surely forgotten and flat
They have value worthy of investment
There’s really nothing better than that

First line appropriated and the rest inspired by a thought from David Elikwu’s newsletter

Today I’m feeling:

I woke up tired but was able to easily plough through my abs workout because I had things on my mind. I feel a little in and out of depression too but it’s very vague and dissipates quickly. I think some days I wonder if what I’m doing is actually worthwhile. It happens.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nancy and Aob at TLC for helping me get my visa sorted out since I forgot to get the re-entry permit last October!  Despite the hard time they give me and the amount of money they make off me I still appreciate what they’ve done to help fix this.

The best thing about today was:

Getting another year’s stay in Thailand with my new visa.  Though whilst I was sitting there watching the officer stamp and shuffle papers I started to brood on the fact of how much longer am I going to go through this annoying process. Tomorrow I’ll probably forget about all this until next November when I’ll have to start preparing for the next application again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got the message that next week I have to help in the Primary school for Scout week.  It probably will be pretty easy but not as preferable as doing nothing, or even as a regular workweek. Still, a change can be good.

Something I learned today?

From The Jimmy Dore Show on YouTube:

The Internet was abuzz recently after MSNBC host Joy-Ann Reid, while showing a video of Joe Biden, was caught by a “hot mic” revealing her true feelings about Biden by saying “… starting another fucking war.” 

Of course, Reid would never have intentionally said anything so overtly anti-Biden on the air, so she was forced to apologize, although she only mentioned having dropped the “f word.”

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

As I passed Rista after class on the third floor of building six I saw that she had some rubbish to throw away. As I already had my coffee cup to take to the bin I offered to take hers too for which she gave her appreciation.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  10. Pick an Industry, Not A Job. If you want to become good at something, you need to spend years and years doing that. You can’t do that if you hop from industry to industry. Pick an industry you love and start at the bottom. You will find the perfect role for you eventually.

 It seems kind of incomprehensible to me that I would ever have a choice of the kind of work or job I would do.  When I left school at sixteen any job was considered good and a starting point.  There were also more jobs available back then too.

When I started my first long-term job it wasn’t something that I was particularly interested in (electrical wholesale) but I did enjoy the hard work when I was a storeman and did work my way up to be the buyer.  I wasn’t interested in progressing any further though, which would’ve meant becoming a manager.

With the opportunity of moving to Australia, I discovered an interest in computing (beyond just playing video games) and was able to spend a year or so studying for that. Then I got in at a low level and worked my way up and sideways for the next 18 years.  Once again I was not interested in (or offered) a management role.

While working an office job I knew one thing and that was that I loved coffee!  After getting laid off it was a simple step to take courses learning to be a barista or bartender and I got into making coffee until injury stopped me short.

Moving to Thailand then forced me to make the decision to become a teacher because there are only a few things that a foreigner is allowed to do here for work.  With each change of job or industry, I’ve always pushed myself to work hard to learn what I can about it.  Teaching has really tested me but when I get it right I do love what I’m doing.

As I mentioned above though, there are times when I am unsure of myself and can’t balance the effort-to-reward ratio properly in my head.

I feel that the idea of this question is a little privileged.  Many, maybe even most people, don’t have choices a lot of the time and just have to take the opportunities that they can get.

Honey Latte – 29th November 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s a honey latte running through her head
So sweet and milky, her memory a thread
Not knowing the day, she ventures to the city
Things she thought she knew shined so pretty

Alone, together, the hands are like ghosts
Long gone now, sailed to separate coasts
Eyeing the barista, nails polished black
A laptop hipster, personified slack

She’s a wanna-be adult, yet still sixteen
Smart and serious but remains unseen
Loving the self-loathing, when will she arrive?
Only when she realises she’s always been alive

Wishing for the future and suddenly it’s gone
Standing in the middle of what she wanted for so long
Nothing left to prove, no longer the impostor
Discounted all the time that getting here cost her

Here’s to the memory, the empty honey cup
Close the cafe door, breathe til she’s full up
Treading familiar sidewalks always reveals the change
Yesterday, today and tomorrow always seem so strange

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired with a headache and cough again. I didn’t sleep well due to discomfort in my shoulders. I woke up and exercised and felt good for that but my eyes are aching again. 

I wondered if part of the problem was connected to the air quality so I checked on the AirVisual app and saw that the quality is already poor and approaching dangerous. Amy has also suddenly got her cough and runny nose back. We will put the air filter in the bedroom tonight.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to get paid a little money this month at least. Nancy has figured out some trickery so that I won’t starve just yet.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that all classes are reduced to 50 minutes for December as kids go off for sports practice at the end of each day. There are also three days off this month. Great.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got to House I was hanging for coffee but Gui’s machine was broken. I stayed a while doing some lesson checking and planning but couldn’t wait in the end and went around to Hobby coffee and I don’t know if it was just the wait but the first cup I got there tasted of delicious honey. I took a second cup back to school and carried on planning.

Something I learned today?

My old student Fah, who was always a bit of a handful but I was drawn to her because she reminded me of me when I was her age, got kicked out of school last semester due to lack of attendance, work, care etc. I wondered why I hadn’t seen her for a while.

Apparently, she has become even worse since, though she is supposed to be studying at another school.

I think she felt an affinity with me, maybe because I never gave her too much of a hard time and encouraged her more than berated her, every time she saw me, without fail she would give me a big hug.

I hope she makes it out there.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent Nong Fah (Sonsawan) an encouraging message to keep going with English in the future, using Amy’s story as evidence.

I helped fix many students’ microphone access so that they could read my work today. I’ve managed to figure out on most phones how to change the setting’s language to English and from there allow them microphone access.

When one of my students accidentally mixed up their words today and asked me if I was studying instead of if I was teaching, I told them ‘Yes, I’m always learning!’

I finally got to congratulate Funfai in person and she is very proud of herself for winning four trophies.

Despite being tired and wanting to get home I stayed and played Uno with Kru Ren, Jet, Noah, Lin and Mai after my class had finished and somehow the kids conspired to make sure that the teachers didn’t win. It was a lot of fun.

I gave my last candies to two of my laziest students, trying to buy their attention for our next class!

Rista asked if we could make Christmas cards in our class again like we did last year. Well, I don’t see why not?

I took this picture because as Tonaor and Nicha were on their way to their next class they suddenly shouted out ‘selfie’ and this was the result. I’d forgotten about it until now.

Whatnot – 30th August 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Whoever said it, wherever they were
Whatever it is that was soon forgot
Whenever there’s some wrath to incur
To each their own and whatnot

Again, inspired by a short sentence at Spinning Visions blog.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good by the end of the day. I wasn’t quite sure how I was feeling when I got to school and the ‘art event’ that cancelled my morning classes didn’t seem to feature any art and felt like another money-grabbing exercise, from already fairly poor kids, with all the food stalls. I left pretty quickly and did some lesson preparations as one of the things I was teaching seemed to go over a few student’s heads yesterday. Time passed very swiftly along with my two coffees!

Today I’m grateful for:

All the students that I don’t even know that say hello and fist-bump me as they walk by. Rista laughed at me today when I couldn’t remember a student’s name but I have so many names to remember already. I’ve forgotten the names of some of my students that I taught two years ago. I sat with one today and knew he was one of two names but couldn’t remember which, later recalling it was Tan.

In the afternoon I was talking with Kru Ren and he said he wants to work here as long as possible which I found surprising for a fresh out of uni first-year teacher. But I understand his feeling. For me, I want to stay as long as possible too because of the pleasure of watching the students grow.

The best thing about today was:

Talking with Poppy at lunchtime. This follows on from the point above. Poppy has totally done a 180 since last year and she happily admitted it when I was talking with her. She said last year she was very immature and stubborn and she caused me a few problems in my classes. Even my trying to gain her confidence by teaching her card tricks didn’t seem to have any effect though perhaps she subconsciously realised I was reaching out to her after all her friends disowned her.  I never thought badly of her behaviour though and told her not to worry about anything from last year.
She’s become more aware of how her actions affect people around her and realised that she needed to make a change unless she wanted to continue being an outcast. I’m proud of her and enjoy talking to her now.

And then there’s Earn. She struggled in my class last year and was frustrating at times though she also had an ability to charm when it suited her motives. I could see that she was capable but fell back to laziness and distraction. One time her face absolutely lit up when she grasped a particular concept but it was difficult for her to maintain enthusiasm. I don’t teach her much this year but apparently, she is frustrating David in his class with her attitude, which I think stems from her lack of understanding and then laziness for clarification. I can see that she is changing friends to those who complement that process.
I found her quietly sitting this afternoon, bored, scrolling through her phone. Usually, she doesn’t let me talk to her for long but today I commented that she didn’t look happy and that she usually doesn’t look happy. She agreed and said that she was tired.  I told her that inside her head she is smart and capable. She said she felt like she was stupid. I told her that wasn’t true and that I believed in her. She thanked me sincerely and I felt she really appreciated it. 

And I could go on about conversations with Fah, Khet, Wipping, KanomBang etc etc today.

I’m lucky and grateful and so happy to play some small part in these kids’ lives. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At last week’s science event my grade 10 students didn’t check out anything and just went somewhere to sleep for a couple of hours so today I set them a task to take ten photos each at the event. But then, as there was no art on display for them to take pictures of, there was nothing for them to do. I reluctantly told them not to worry about it as I couldn’t think of any other task for them and I was already in the middle of my coffee and planning. Of course, they were super happy to not have anything to do anyway and I had at least made sure that they hadn’t snuck off anywhere to sleep.

Something I learned today?

Ok, one last student story. Wipping called me her second father, jokingly buttering me up before holding out her hand, and asking me for money. I said that her father at home has money but her father at school doesn’t to which she replied ‘What father at home? Who is my father? I don’t know!’ Oops! She soon turned it around though saying ‘It’s ok, I don’t need a father. Just me and mum is fine and I’m a strong woman who can look after herself!’ Wow! I was so happy to hear this.

A couple of minutes later her male classmate Spain came over and shyly gave her twenty baht. I’m not sure if he had been listening to the conversation or not but I guess he likes her. She accepted his money and they went off and talked for a bit though I don’t know about what. When she came back she said she didn’t know why he gave her the money. Wipping, though, is always talking about a girl she likes in another class and after what she said about her father I can understand why she might prefer relationships with girls instead of boys. Never mind, Spain!

Today feels like I’m in the middle of a teenage gossip column!

I took this picture, damn, two weeks ago already, because this was the sourdough Nong Fon sent me. My mouth is watering just to look at it. Talking with Amy tonight she asked me what food I want to eat when I’m in Sydney and the first thing I thought of was sourdough toast with Vegemite. No pictures taken today.

Witches and Wizards – 14th August 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s only a small role to be played
No one is more important in the game
Better to choose not to be insulted
By those who wish the rules remain

The witches and wizards will try
To knock you off your shaky feet
Their game is a lonely one
Where they’re happy to have you beat

To feel better at another’s expense
Does not a balanced life bring
And that tiny role that belongs to you
Is the truth that lets you sing

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to go. Lost in a little canna paranoia. Reflecting on who I am and what I’ve done and what’s left to do. What’s next?

Life is such a boring existence when seen through a focused lens. Everything is dull. There’s nothing new anymore. No wonder left in the world. Most of the time we just busy ourselves to ignore it.

I’d better get busy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding salad at the Walking Street today. I had Amy’s lasagna for lunch and by the time it got to 5 pm, I knew I needed to eat something else and started craving salad. At first, I couldn’t find my usual favourite stall to buy at, though eventually found another as I was just starting to wonder what else I could eat. Topped with some English Cheddar chips, I could’ve eaten another bowl full.

The best thing about today was:

My head getting back together and realising that I’m okay. At least, I think I’m ok! 

How are people so sure of themselves? Everything they do is trivial and ridiculous. I know this about myself and I’m certain it’s not just me!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I didn’t answer this question yesterday and today I’m leaning towards what I almost wrote yesterday in that I’m running out of time to get all the things done that I would like to do. I’m thinking that I have to stop watching so many YouTube or TV shows. Ironically this thought was triggered by a video I was watching about how our attention spans are so short these days. 

Something I learned today?

Ipswich Town are in first place in the League Championship. They’ve only played two games so far though! Maybe my old team will be back in the big league next year.

Rista sent me this picture because she’s away playing kabaddi in Kanchanaburi and she was smart enough to ask me if she would have to keep up with my classwork. I told her not to worry about it and enjoy herself but to send me pictures. I was surprised and appreciative that she did. She’s a good kid. She separated herself a little from some of her friends who were diverting her attention away from things she has decided she wants to do.

Unlovable – 6th August 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Why did she think she was unlovable?
I know she deserved much better than me
It hurt us both at the time
But the right thing to do to set her free

Then it was I who became unlovable
And I myself chose to believe
Eventually, we both came to realise
It’s only ourselves we deceive

A true story.

Today I’m feeling:

As predicted I had to get up a couple of times in the night as my guts gurgled and my ass burned and I had to skip my usual alarm not getting up for another two-plus hours at around 9.30 am. The grey outside had maintained the same level of brightness that it still seemed early morning. I skipped a shower and went straight for coffee, still wary that caffeine may soon trigger some kind of explosive action from my rear but so far so good.

When I got home I found that our clock had stopped last night and discovered that I had an extra hour and a half of day left. Bonus!

Today I’m grateful for:

Grabbing some soft serve ice cream at the little stall near the market which happens to be next door to where my student Baipad lives. I looked into the shop, which is a hairdresser and saw what must have been Baipad’s little sister running around. She was totally a mini version of Baipad which is saying something as Baipad is already short. She looked super cute.

Anyway, the ice cream was yummy.

The best thing about today was:

The grey skies never lifted for the whole day and rain is forecast 100% for the next eight days too. So it’s difficult to say what might have been the best thing today beyond such usual things as reading books and reading comics. That’s OK. It wasn’t a bad day by any means.

Oh, I just remembered I spent a couple of hours watching the football this morning too. That was pretty good as we won in a tight game with the Giants. With three games left, there is still a slim chance we can make the finals but it means winning every game and other results going our way.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Weather-inspired lethargy set in early. I just went with it.

Something I learned today?

China’s natural gas and oil reserves are deeper than other countries forcing them to drill the deepest holes ever and pushing their technological advancement at the same time.

What are three small victories I’ve achieved lately?

I’d somehow like to think that I have won over at least three lazy naughty students recently but should probably only count that as one.

I’m struggling to think of things I might consider victories. Life might be a battle but moving forward doesn’t feel like victory it just feels normal. Perhaps as a good life should.

Slow improvements to learning Thai and playing guitar don’t feel like victories because that’s the natural outcome of practice.

Victory also feels like it implies that there is a loser too.

Are there three losses that I’ve accepted recently? I don’t think so.

Rista took this picture last week because she wanted to see the camera quality on my new phone. This is her and Namkhing, who everyone seems to love. Her English is very poor but she will happily try when I push her which is a positive as far as I’m concerned. Perhaps this is part of her personality which others find attractive.
Posting this picture as, unsurprisingly, I didn’t take any today. With the forecast, I’m wondering when I might take more again.

Under The Big Tree – 27th July 2023

~ tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

A revelation of the vastness
Of the universe
*In the scale of the world
Ego diminishes*

Sitting under this big night sky
Lonely but not alone
A life lived put into context
Must be made one’s own

Ten thousand years will pass
Turning all to dust
Footprints left waiting in the mud
Maybe seen by none
When gods decide on supernova
No one will wonder
About all the thinking
Under the big tree done

* quote from David Elikwu
Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge #320

Today I’m feeling:

Sleepy, not helped by the fact that morning classes were cancelled so I had no flow going for that time. It’s super hot and humid and no one wants to study. I still have class this afternoon but luckily I talked with David who said that the class were behind in his work, whereas they are ahead in mine so instead of teaching them I can let them catch up for him. Happy happy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The English Cheddar cheese chips at Makro that hopefully will stay available and not just be a short trial to see how well they sell. They remind me a little of old England and the regular chips flavours that I grew up with like cheese and onion, salt and vinegar or ready salted. The flavour combinations here in Thailand are wild to me though obviously understandable. I sometimes need familiarity.

The best thing about today was:

Making some deeper connections with some of my quieter students in a more relaxed space than just in the classroom where their bored little faces stare right through me. It’s easy to connect with the studious ones and even with the ones who don’t understand anything but the quiet ones take a bit longer.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The whole school schedule is out of my control as I discover changes with very short notice and it has taken me some time to adapt myself to this. Now I’m more able to roll with the punches and today has certainly turned out in my favour.

Something I learned today?

Thaksin is due to come back to Thailand next month after 15 years in exile. I’m wondering if this could be a move to quiet any issues with the winners of the recent election not being part of the government? The machinations of politics in Thailand are difficult to follow but it all seems to come back to one word – corruption.

What would I like to accomplish soon?

This feels like a question for a younger person. Do I need to accomplish anything? Sometime soon, I need to clean my room and move my stuff back in there from the house. Hardly a big deal.

I don’t have any big goals or anything. I have plans but they are just things that will happen without much input.

I’d like to lose my belly fat but it also doesn’t really matter if I don’t because I can feel my health has improved in general. 

This feels like a tough question to answer for me right now.

Rista took this picture because she grabbed my phone to take photos of herself and Namkhing. This is my lizard eye. One that I never notice in my soft mirror at home. I must stop smiling.