No Sight – 25th December 2023

The miracles you’ve forgotten
Are still behind those tired eyes
So long now woe begotten
Every day the same grey skies

No longer believing in dreams
Since they all became real
All is exactly as it seems
You no longer know how to feel

Approaching the end of the night
The winter is setting in
And cold hearts start to bite
With no sight of the spring


Today I’m feeling:

A little down on the way to school but better once surrounded by happy smiling Christmas greeting kids.

A little disappointed but happily so that there are no morning classes as kids prepare for the sports parade on Wednesday and there’s a chance there will be no classes in the afternoon or tomorrow too, which is kind of a shame as I had a cruisey time planned for the kids, just making Christmas cards for all my classes this week. 

Still, it means I’m already here back in my spot at House, drinking coffee already.

Today I’m grateful for:

Fui, who I haven’t seen for a few months but as we talked a little whilst he ordered his coffee he paid for my cup as a Christmas gift.  I wish I had some extra money at the moment to be able to do likewise.

My grade 8 students who welcomed onlooker, my grade 7 student Spain, to play football with them.  Spain has some kind of social problem but is a good kid at heart.  He senses safety with me so follows me around a lot and he was watching me play football and the kids kept asking me who he was. 

I went off for a while to see what else was happening around the school and when I returned he was happily joining in with their games with a big smile on his face.

The best thing about today was:

Playing football and volleyball with my students instead of sitting in the classroom with them.  I waited to see if they would come to class but it was apparent that they wouldn’t and no one else appeared to be teaching either so instead of stealing off I decided to stay longer and play with the kids at least.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The change to the classes today was a bit annoying as I had left the Christmas card making activity until this week.  But still, both teacher and students prefer not to be in the classroom as much as possible, so I guess I will convert this into a new years card making activity come next week.

Something I learned today?

From watching a classic books recommendations video I should try to track down Woman In White, Vanity Fair and Nicolas Nickleby.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I gave Jan and Apple the art pads to write in and give to Baipad, who was sick at home again today.

I joined in with many activities through out the day, encouraging everyone, laughing with them and generally showing a good time and attitude.  Even Kwang has forgiven me for the tough time we had last week.

I dropped by the flower market to pick up some lillies for Amy as a gift.

Perhaps a vile deed was requesting credit from Gui at House for my coffee this week as I’m almost out of money now.

If you’re going to win the lottery, would you rather win £10 million, or £100 million?

Why would someone choose $10 million?  Yes, it’s enough but why not choose $100 million and give $90 million away?  It’s an odd question anyway as there’s no choice in a lottery.

As this is such a fantastical question I’m not even going to think about who I might give $90 million away to.

I took this picture because the red team were practising their cheerleading and dance routines in the cool morning air. Soon after I went off for my second coffee of the day.

Wait A Minute – 28th September 2023

Just wait a minute, slow it down
You can’t see the trouble brewing
The choices made are pure emotion
And you don’t know what you are doing

Wait a minute, test the waters
Before the wave crashes and breaks
You’re rushing headlong into trouble
And the pain of those mistakes

Wait a minute, use your brain
Look at the direction you are going
Don’t brush off the wiser words
Thinking you’ve done all the knowing

Wait a minute before you decide
To step into the fire and burn
Live to fight another day
With all the things you’ll learn

Wait a minute, take a breath
Are you certain that you know it all?
Is now the time to experience
The depths to which you’ll fall?


Today I’m feeling:

Perhaps after yesterday’s prompt about dreams, I was very aware of the dream I was having this morning as my alarm went off. For some reason my thoughts and emotions were spiralling out of control and even as I was aware of it happening I couldn’t control it. Nong Fah was trying to comfort me in a kind of student/teacher role reversal, but it didn’t work. 

This dream was based on events from yesterday when Spain was very emotional in class and couldn’t be consoled. He is on the spectrum as is said these days and was having a tough time. 

Yesterday I also talked with Fah about not knowing why Feije was acting a bit of character recently because they seemed to have become more friendly.

I woke up feeling a bit stressed and disconsolate but soon got over it with exercise which got the blood pumping but I also had to push hard to motivate myself to complete.

At lunchtime, I found Fah and friends in the library and Feije’s expulsion was the main topic and then, lo and behold, she appeared. Everyone gathered around to get the gossip and I made myself scarce so the kids didn’t feel uncomfortable.

Today I’m grateful for:

Gui’s mum for giving me four or five custard apples from their tree outside the cafe. I was surprised and appreciative.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing all my grading files for my students and reflecting on how the semester has been. It is definitely an improvement on last year for me with fewer frustrations. As ever it is always enjoyable to watch these young people and their stories develop. I appreciate them very much and I feel as if some of them appreciate me in return.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There was just one point where a couple of students pushed my patience. I knew they were excited for the holidays but I just wanted them to do a little work for me first. Despite their initial defiance, they could see that I was serious and begrudgingly came and did it. I’m glad they didn’t push it further.

Something I learned today?

In my grade 7 classes this week I’ve just been giving short gratitude quizzes asking three things. What they are grateful for, what they learned and if anything is upsetting them. That last question has proved to be the most interesting. 

This afternoon one of the students, Film, said that they were worried about another student’s mental health. I looked around the room and that student did look troubled and flustered. I took Film aside and asked what had happened and he told me that the student’s two best friends had been bullying him.

Knowing all the students involved I was not too surprised to hear this. 

I took the student off to the teacher’s room and reassured him that the bullies were showing their true colours and were not being good friends. I can see he wants to be good in class but gets roped into doing ‘bad’ things by his friends. I encouraged him and told him that there were other students in the classroom who were concerned and cared about him.

He had a little cry but seemed to understand and appreciate the support. My guess is that they will all be friends again by next semester and it will all be forgotten though I think it would benefit him to find new friends that treat him better.

28th Dec 2023 – Sure enough they are all good friends and thick as thieves again, though I can see the bullied one is a little more cautious now.

What’s my favourite thing to do when I’m feeling down?

These days I kinda know how to stop myself from feeling down but if I feel like I can get it under control I know that sleep often helps me. Another thing that helps is to just do something different. I have so many options available really and it could be something as simple as going for a walk.

I took this picture because Cap hasn’t come and sat next to me for a few months. It was nice to feel his fur on my skin but the temperature was damn hot and sticky already and he was adding to it. I don’t know when or how deeply he sleeps as he seems to move from place to place every five minutes.

Whatnot – 30th August 2023

Whoever said it, wherever they were
Whatever it is that was soon forgot
Whenever there’s some wrath to incur
To each their own and whatnot

Again, inspired by a short sentence at Spinning Visions blog.


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good by the end of the day. I wasn’t quite sure how I was feeling when I got to school and the ‘art event’ that cancelled my morning classes didn’t seem to feature any art and felt like another money-grabbing exercise, from already fairly poor kids, with all the food stalls. I left pretty quickly and did some lesson preparations as one of the things I was teaching seemed to go over a few student’s heads yesterday. Time passed very swiftly along with my two coffees!

Today I’m grateful for:

All the students that I don’t even know that say hello and fist-bump me as they walk by. Rista laughed at me today when I couldn’t remember a student’s name but I have so many names to remember already. I’ve forgotten the names of some of my students that I taught two years ago. I sat with one today and knew he was one of two names but couldn’t remember which, later recalling it was Tan.

In the afternoon I was talking with Kru Ren and he said he wants to work here as long as possible which I found surprising for a fresh out of uni first-year teacher. But I understand his feeling. For me, I want to stay as long as possible too because of the pleasure of watching the students grow.

The best thing about today was:

Talking with Poppy at lunchtime. This follows on from the point above. Poppy has totally done a 180 since last year and she happily admitted it when I was talking with her. She said last year she was very immature and stubborn and she caused me a few problems in my classes. Even my trying to gain her confidence by teaching her card tricks didn’t seem to have any effect though perhaps she subconsciously realised I was reaching out to her after all her friends disowned her.  I never thought badly of her behaviour though and told her not to worry about anything from last year.
She’s become more aware of how her actions affect people around her and realised that she needed to make a change unless she wanted to continue being an outcast. I’m proud of her and enjoy talking to her now.

And then there’s Earn. She struggled in my class last year and was frustrating at times though she also had an ability to charm when it suited her motives. I could see that she was capable but fell back to laziness and distraction. One time her face absolutely lit up when she grasped a particular concept but it was difficult for her to maintain enthusiasm. I don’t teach her much this year but apparently, she is frustrating David in his class with her attitude, which I think stems from her lack of understanding and then laziness for clarification. I can see that she is changing friends to those who complement that process.
I found her quietly sitting this afternoon, bored, scrolling through her phone. Usually, she doesn’t let me talk to her for long but today I commented that she didn’t look happy and that she usually doesn’t look happy. She agreed and said that she was tired.  I told her that inside her head she is smart and capable. She said she felt like she was stupid. I told her that wasn’t true and that I believed in her. She thanked me sincerely and I felt she really appreciated it. 

And I could go on about conversations with Fah, Khet, Wipping, KanomBang etc etc today.

I’m lucky and grateful and so happy to play some small part in these kids’ lives. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At last week’s science event my grade 10 students didn’t check out anything and just went somewhere to sleep for a couple of hours so today I set them a task to take ten photos each at the event. But then, as there was no art on display for them to take pictures of, there was nothing for them to do. I reluctantly told them not to worry about it as I couldn’t think of any other task for them and I was already in the middle of my coffee and planning. Of course, they were super happy to not have anything to do anyway and I had at least made sure that they hadn’t snuck off anywhere to sleep.

Something I learned today?

Ok, one last student story. Wipping called me her second father, jokingly buttering me up before holding out her hand, and asking me for money. I said that her father at home has money but her father at school doesn’t to which she replied ‘What father at home? Who is my father? I don’t know!’ Oops! She soon turned it around though saying ‘It’s ok, I don’t need a father. Just me and mum is fine and I’m a strong woman who can look after herself!’ Wow! I was so happy to hear this.

A couple of minutes later her male classmate Spain came over and shyly gave her twenty baht. I’m not sure if he had been listening to the conversation or not but I guess he likes her. She accepted his money and they went off and talked for a bit though I don’t know about what. When she came back she said she didn’t know why he gave her the money. Wipping, though, is always talking about a girl she likes in another class and after what she said about her father I can understand why she might prefer relationships with girls instead of boys. Never mind, Spain!

Today feels like I’m in the middle of a teenage gossip column!

I took this picture, damn, two weeks ago already, because this was the sourdough Nong Fon sent me. My mouth is watering just to look at it. Talking with Amy tonight she asked me what food I want to eat when I’m in Sydney and the first thing I thought of was sourdough toast with Vegemite. No pictures taken today.