Whatnot – 30th August 2023

Whoever said it, wherever they were
Whatever it is that was soon forgot
Whenever there’s some wrath to incur
To each their own and whatnot

Again, inspired by a short sentence at Spinning Visions blog.


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good by the end of the day. I wasn’t quite sure how I was feeling when I got to school and the ‘art event’ that cancelled my morning classes didn’t seem to feature any art and felt like another money-grabbing exercise, from already fairly poor kids, with all the food stalls. I left pretty quickly and did some lesson preparations as one of the things I was teaching seemed to go over a few student’s heads yesterday. Time passed very swiftly along with my two coffees!

Today I’m grateful for:

All the students that I don’t even know that say hello and fist-bump me as they walk by. Rista laughed at me today when I couldn’t remember a student’s name but I have so many names to remember already. I’ve forgotten the names of some of my students that I taught two years ago. I sat with one today and knew he was one of two names but couldn’t remember which, later recalling it was Tan.

In the afternoon I was talking with Kru Ren and he said he wants to work here as long as possible which I found surprising for a fresh out of uni first-year teacher. But I understand his feeling. For me, I want to stay as long as possible too because of the pleasure of watching the students grow.

The best thing about today was:

Talking with Poppy at lunchtime. This follows on from the point above. Poppy has totally done a 180 since last year and she happily admitted it when I was talking with her. She said last year she was very immature and stubborn and she caused me a few problems in my classes. Even my trying to gain her confidence by teaching her card tricks didn’t seem to have any effect though perhaps she subconsciously realised I was reaching out to her after all her friends disowned her.  I never thought badly of her behaviour though and told her not to worry about anything from last year.
She’s become more aware of how her actions affect people around her and realised that she needed to make a change unless she wanted to continue being an outcast. I’m proud of her and enjoy talking to her now.

And then there’s Earn. She struggled in my class last year and was frustrating at times though she also had an ability to charm when it suited her motives. I could see that she was capable but fell back to laziness and distraction. One time her face absolutely lit up when she grasped a particular concept but it was difficult for her to maintain enthusiasm. I don’t teach her much this year but apparently, she is frustrating David in his class with her attitude, which I think stems from her lack of understanding and then laziness for clarification. I can see that she is changing friends to those who complement that process.
I found her quietly sitting this afternoon, bored, scrolling through her phone. Usually, she doesn’t let me talk to her for long but today I commented that she didn’t look happy and that she usually doesn’t look happy. She agreed and said that she was tired.  I told her that inside her head she is smart and capable. She said she felt like she was stupid. I told her that wasn’t true and that I believed in her. She thanked me sincerely and I felt she really appreciated it. 

And I could go on about conversations with Fah, Khet, Wipping, KanomBang etc etc today.

I’m lucky and grateful and so happy to play some small part in these kids’ lives. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At last week’s science event my grade 10 students didn’t check out anything and just went somewhere to sleep for a couple of hours so today I set them a task to take ten photos each at the event. But then, as there was no art on display for them to take pictures of, there was nothing for them to do. I reluctantly told them not to worry about it as I couldn’t think of any other task for them and I was already in the middle of my coffee and planning. Of course, they were super happy to not have anything to do anyway and I had at least made sure that they hadn’t snuck off anywhere to sleep.

Something I learned today?

Ok, one last student story. Wipping called me her second father, jokingly buttering me up before holding out her hand, and asking me for money. I said that her father at home has money but her father at school doesn’t to which she replied ‘What father at home? Who is my father? I don’t know!’ Oops! She soon turned it around though saying ‘It’s ok, I don’t need a father. Just me and mum is fine and I’m a strong woman who can look after herself!’ Wow! I was so happy to hear this.

A couple of minutes later her male classmate Spain came over and shyly gave her twenty baht. I’m not sure if he had been listening to the conversation or not but I guess he likes her. She accepted his money and they went off and talked for a bit though I don’t know about what. When she came back she said she didn’t know why he gave her the money. Wipping, though, is always talking about a girl she likes in another class and after what she said about her father I can understand why she might prefer relationships with girls instead of boys. Never mind, Spain!

Today feels like I’m in the middle of a teenage gossip column!

I took this picture, damn, two weeks ago already, because this was the sourdough Nong Fon sent me. My mouth is watering just to look at it. Talking with Amy tonight she asked me what food I want to eat when I’m in Sydney and the first thing I thought of was sourdough toast with Vegemite. No pictures taken today.

Secret Stairwell Reader – 12th July 2023

A library for escape
Away from toxic adolescence
Give me a book, a cure
Ten-minute convalescence
A silent conversation
With Kurt, Leo or Tim
Sudden shock discovery
Stirs something within
Where I fell in love
Every day, every page turned
Caught like a naughty child
A secret found, unearned
This secret isn’t yours to share
Find your own stairs to sit
Fall in your own love
And be satisfied with it

inspired by the story here on the Spinning Visions blog


Today I’m feeling:

Tired from lack of sleep. Slept well but just not long enough. Hopefully coffee gets me going.

I was having a very nice dream this morning but it was suddenly interrupted by what seemed to be a handsome TV presenter with a gleaming smile. He looked at me sideways and then gave me a wink and a knowing smirk. And my alarm went off!

Did I almost cross over into the Matrix? A glimpse behind the curtain? I actually laughed as I turned my alarm off. It felt like some sort of comfort.

Today I’m grateful for:

Teaching the grade 10 kids first this morning. Even though their English isn’t good, their maturity at least makes them more manageable to teach. They still have concentration issues when it comes to phone management issues. I can’t help but feel that letting them have their phones in class is going to affect them badly in the future unless our societies turn into 5-second functions where they might be ahead of the game. 

I think these kids will be in for a rude awakening or have already accepted their fates.

The best thing about today was:

A big beautiful rainstorm from low black clouds as I was driving home. Our poor rusted guttering couldn’t cope with the deluge and I may need to make another venture up onto the roof to see if there is anything blocking it. If there’s not it just means there’s too much rain too quickly to even take care of.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As a follow-on from yesterday’s annoying class, I spent much of the day chasing up lazy kids, offering them help several times and making myself available, all to little avail. Less than half the students bothered to do anything. When the online quiz deadline passed I advised their homeroom teacher again asking what she could do about it and she just said she’d tell them again. She doesn’t get it either. The work for my class is no longer the issue. My two-hour lesson shouldn’t end up as a twenty-four-hour helpline. I asked again what she is going to do to stop them from wasting everyone’s time. I’m not expecting any answer.

Something I learned today?

Chatting with David, he is also frustrated with his classes and the student’s lack of understanding. I do take it as a challenge for me to find better ways to engage the kids but it is exhausting when they are just not interested in developing themselves at all. I think David will quit soon.

When was the last time I felt at ease?

I feel at ease most of the time if I consider it carefully. Sure I can let my classes wind me up but I’m mostly wound down again the following day even if I’m still thinking about it. By that point, I’m thinking up solutions and not getting emotionally caught up in it anymore. I’m not letting things overwhelm me like might have happened in the past.
It is still a rollercoaster of being totally on during the semester and then totally off during the holiday. That transition does feel weird.

My student, Wipping, took this picture because she asked me to smile but I pretended to be upset that she wasn’t working. This picture captures my internal feelings in class sometimes. 99% of the time it remains internal and I have also never hit anyone with that stick. It is actually my remote control for the projector on the ceiling.