Wound tight, played precise A night fight, all that jazz Voodoo spell, doll will dance Deadside hell and razzmatazz Pagan sages, a ragtime roll Inner rages in shadow hours Pinprick pain, man divided Ridden insane by fiendish powers
Mother, I’m not like you I’m not wise to your ways I’m barely a teen And can see through your plays
Is it better raised like this Or for you to be taken away? When you are gone Where do you expect me to stay?
When Dad died we fought hard To make our way together Until you saw the glitter of gold That turned out to be old leather
Uncle tried a little bit but can’t even manage himself! He just takes ALL the money, I don’t know where ALL I’ve got is INSTANT NOODLES for the rest of the MONTH! Mother don’t leave me here, I know you still care…
A STRANGER came to me today and SPUN A GREAT STORY OF FORTUNE I didn’t know whether to BELIEVE HIM BUT I’VE NO ONE ELSE TO TRUST! I ALWAYS TRIED TO DO WHAT’S RIGHT BUT LOOK WHERE THAT HAS GOTTEN ME!? WITH NOWHERE ELSE TO GO I’LL HAVE TO DO AS NEEDS MUST – Sigh!
…
Mother, I don’t want to be like you I don’t want to be wise to those ways I’m still a vulnerable child at heart But I’ll hold on to anything that stays
Sadly, a situation facing one of my best and favourite students right now, though I have taken the poem where I hope it doesn’t end up for her. Submitted to the Word of the Day Challenge – Vulnerability and NaPoMo.
A bit more lively than yesterday though I still fancy an afternoon nap. I’ve been the driver for the family today, to Chiang Saen, Mae Sai and Mae Chan.
Today I’m grateful for:
The candy seller at the market, where I found the candies that the stall has outside school and obviously at a better price. Whilst I picked out a few different bags she offered various others to try and taste. I was lucky that Amy found the noodles and mala sauce she wanted in this shop too so I snuck all my stuff in there for her to pay.
The best thing about today was:
Driving around, which made me think that I haven’t been up around the Chiang Saen, Chiang Khong area yet (on the motorbike) and it would be good for a nice laid-back ride sometime.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst I was in my room playing guitar I was surprised to hear the sound of rain on the roof. I didn’t think too much of it though it was kind of unusual to have rain at this time of day, this time of year. But then I heard banging and the shade outside my window had fallen down and was now slamming against the wall. The rain had gotten heavier and suddenly the wind had picked up. Next came rumbles of thunder and everything got stronger. I went outside and Amy screamed as the roof on the entertainment area started banging again where it was broken in the summer storms last year. I ran to the garage and emptied the wheelbarrow already full of water from the leaking drain and found a bucket to put in the shed to catch the leaking in there too, though both of these were relatively useless in rain this heavy.
Something I learned today?
Amy has been watching these YouTube videos of two Korean boys travelling around Thailand and today I saw some pretty nice places in Isaan that they were visiting. It would be good to go there one day though I feel a lot of places in Thailand look the same everywhere. Jungles, rice fields, mountains, rivers and beaches. I’m still quite smitten with it all though.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Driving the family around wherever they directed me and even though sometimes they confused me with their directions, I carried on without complaint.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 7. Be Grateful. Say thank you to everyone and everything “Thank you for this beautiful day.” “Thank you for your email.” “Thank you for being there for me.”
The longer I keep practising being grateful the more I’ve realised there is to be grateful for. Sometimes I struggle to find something new to be grateful for, especially if I haven’t been doing much but I usually come up with something. I’m not sure how many years I’ve been doing it now but I think I started sometime in 2020 and managed to do it pretty much every day since.
I’ve mentioned in the past that Thai people don’t often say thank you in a shopping situation and it’s quite a cultural norm. I can’t help myself though, it’s just ingrained since childhood to say please and thank you.
I took this picture because these kitties, along with two more inside, were surveying the surrounds from this second-floor vantage point as I pulled up at Utopia this morning.
Tired, relaxed and lazy again. Today is a repeat episode of yesterday pretty much. Not excited, not unhappy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The cake that Amy came back with at lunchtime, presumably from Nong Oh who she was out with. A light chiffon with cashews in a thick caramel topping. It was nice in that it didn’t taste as sweet as it looked.
The best thing about today was:
Cleaning up the last pile of junk on the floor of my room. There is stuff there that is inspiring me to think of new lesson plans so I hung on to quite a bit of it. The floor is clear but I still need to go through the stuff on the shelves and that will mean more inspiration and ideas and then a concern about lack of time to execute all those ideas.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In the scheme of things, I did very little today. If there was anything out of my control then it had no lasting resonance with my memory.
Something I learned today?
From watching the interview with Nathan Rich I discovered that you can inject whisky into your veins and get drunk from it. I mean, it makes sense but it seems like a stupid thing to do when you can just drink the stuff!
That guy has certainly had an interesting life and we share a weird connection in that we both got into computing as a way to raise ourselves up in the world (and both into punk and then with interests in China).
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Today was all about Amy and being sympathetic to her situation with the unfolding drama therein.
Was the killing of hundreds of hairy worms on the avocado tree a good or vile act?
Tell about something you love doing that you’re terrible at. And tell about something you really do not like doing that you’re great at.
For the former, I guess it would be playing guitar, though I don’t really think that I am terrible. I’m just not good.
For the latter maybe Maths, though again, I wouldn’t say that I was great at it either. In fact, if I think about it I actually like learning about Maths but have an aversion to it because of a long-held hatred of my high school Maths teacher.
Even then, I’m over it (I should be because it was 40 years ago!) so I need to think of something else here.
It’s tough. I don’t consider myself particularly great at anything and at my age now I’m not really doing anything that I don’t like doing anymore.
I took this picture because this pup is cute and loves me.
A bit more active than yesterday. I think the pleasure of the cannabutter is giving me good long sleep but also still affecting me the following day so I’m going to lay off it for now. It’s effect is very mild and pleasureable but if it makes me groggy for the whole of the next day then it’s not worth it.
Today I’m grateful for:
My own understanding of my body and brain. Today has been completely drug free except my anti-depressant and whilst it’s not been a fun day to speak of it’s passed by pleasantly enough. I can feel my muscles and joints recovering slowly and hopefully they are primed to get me going again in the morning.
The best thing about today was:
Finally watching Come And See. I feel like I don’t have the attention span for movies sometimes but then realise I can sit through hours of podcasts or TV series. I knew this movie wasn’t going to be any kind of rom-com but the mood kind of reflected my day and it’s message and purpose were clear to me. It showed the trauma and atrocity of war and was a struggle to watch but I’m glad I did. I might have to sit back with something comedic tonight to balance it out.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The weekend has been a bit of a write-off, no writing, little reading, no workout and no guitar. I’m not worried about it at all as I know I need downtime. It’s just sometimes I feel like kicking myself when it feels like I’m wasting time.
I’ll be back on it tomorrow though. Morning exercise then off for coffees. Then I have an 11.30 appointment with Kru Hin to learn how do our grades in the online system, my one class at 1.30, then off up to the hospital to get more sertraline and back to play guitar and watch the last Swans AFL of the regular season.
Something I learned today?
One of my grade 7 students was proud to send me pictures of himself running in a 5km through the city today, similar to one that Amy and I did a few years ago. It’s nice to feel that he wants to show his teacher this. He was one of the kids I kicked out of class a couple of weeks ago so there is an element of sucking up involved but I know he’s a good kid, just being a teenager.
If I could live anywhere in the world, where would that be?
I’d like to live anywhere that is safe and stable. I’ve found living somewhere where I don’t fully understand the language has been helpful as I don’t get fully sucked into the vortex of shit-talking that people find so enjoyable. No matter how much I tried to avoid the corruption of politicians in the UK and Australia I always would get back into it. It was a waste of my time. I know things are even worse here in Thailand but I don’t have to think about it or be involved with it.
I can still see myself living in the UK or Australia though I don’t think it would be for extended periods. Otherwise, I think I can live anywhere, as I said, so long as it is safe. Water, electricity and internet preferred.
I took this picture by accident when I was talking on a video call with Amy. She was busy running around cleaning Lewis’s poop at the time, just as I was about to feed our cats (action shot in the top corner). This is how Amy and I have communicated for the past two years and I’m glad of the technology that makes it possible.
A bit more lively and with it. Forgotten now, I know that I had a few different but quite realistic dreams. I was happy to enjoy them. I also managed to push through 75 star jumps and ride my pushie to Utopia for coffee. If I could tell myself every morning that a good day always starts with exercise perhaps I could motivate myself to do it at weekends.
Today I’m grateful for:
The digging tool we have for working in the garden. I guess it’s a hoe of some sort as it can be used for that too. Swing it high and hard enough though and it can dig. I’m also grateful for the recent rains making the ground a little easier to dig too. The two little trees were quickly in the ground and I look forward to watching them mature.
The best thing about today was:
Watching Amy bravely battle an arm-sized tokay in the kitchen and work room. I knew she wouldn’t rest until it was caught and outside. We had to chase it a bit and move some furniture but eventually, I managed to trap it in a plastic bin against the wall and Amy slid a mat across the top and quickly carried it outside where it finally ran off.
I think the lizards look amazing and they are pretty shy. They only get agitated if you bother them. They do shit everywhere though, along with all the little geckos that are running around our house.
I’m going to buy some lizard repellent sometime, though Amy said she read reviews that they can actually attract more lizards rather than get rid of them!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy had a few requests for jobs for me to do during the day but as I was in an improved mood I just did them happily.
Something I learned today?
I chuckled at a report today of the EU sending warships to the South China Sea to protect trade routes from Chinese interference. More than 80% of the shipping through the SCS are ships coming from and going to China! The spin of the hypocrites in the West is amazing. Is there another agenda?
What do I want to focus on this month?
Focus? I’m not sure to be honest. Trying to save a little money would be useful because I have to buy a lot of cat food and get the car serviced this month. But basically, it is business as usual. Teaching, learning, reading, writing, guitar, cleaning, coffee, exercise.
Amy took this picture because she was quite proud of her carrot cakes. They look great but we haven’t tasted them yet. I’m sure they will taste great too though.
Like it’s a happy Friday. I’m pretty tired but knowing I have two reasonably easy classes to finish the week I came to work feeling comfortable. This time last week Amy was still in the air and I was watching the kids enjoy Japan Day. We both agree that it has gone quickly. Last night I blamed Amy for this as she rushed straight into cleaning up the house and running around to get things done. That’s good though. She still has energy!
Today I’m grateful for:
The Spinning Visions blog, which is written by an early twenties American girl. She has a great way with words and I’m finding so much inspiration within them to write poems all the time. She possesses a wisdom, and others who comment on her posts seem to agree, I find myself wishing I had at that age. I guess I also associate her words with what must be going through my student’s heads here in my high school and the reminder of my own memories of those times.
The best thing about today was:
Amy’s seafood dinner of salmon sashimi in green chilli sauce, air-fried battered squid and air-fried fish with garlic and Chinese celery. I sat watching TV for about 30 minutes after getting home and was then surprised by these three dishes appearing. Amazingly, I’m losing weight. I guess my microwave meals followed by junk snacks don’t help when I’m by myself.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’m out of energy and not excited about running around here and there tomorrow too. It’s 8.30 pm and I just want to fall asleep listening to jazzcore.
Something I learned today?
I watched highlights of the recent men’s tennis final at Wimbledon and was happy to see a new face on the scene. A handsome youth from I don’t know where called Alcaraz, I think. I saw another video of his top twenty shots and he’s quite a talent. I never enjoyed the last two decades of men’s tennis champions because they were boring to watch. This kid seems to have some magic that I’m quite happy to get behind.
What colour best reflects my personality? Why?
When I was young my favourite colour was blue. I do not know why. I felt like I chose this without even considering why I liked it.
In my teenage years and twenties, I was stereotypically all about black as I reflected my inner feelings.
As I moved to warmer climes, black became a bad choice to stay cool even if it looked cool.
After succeeding in an office job, I rejected regular white shirts and chose to stand out with beautifully ornate flowery shirts.
Over time I felt like red and purple reflected my personality in some ways. Sometimes subdued but also able to stand out in a sea of mediocrity.
I took this picture because this was the amazing dinner my amazing wife served up this afternoon. Did I ever tell of my amazing wife and her amazing food skills?
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