Spark-lit dancers under crescent moon On a hilly heather discotheque The nighttime gathers the darkened gloom In the ninth house, strong intuition Vibrates in sync and to earth attune A circle storm, a drummers dreaming Through the night and to the wilds commune Seen from afar on this pale blue speck Mother Earth awaits the day’s costume
The following is a letter from December 28th, 2023, delivered today from the past
Dear FutureMe,
You turn 57 today. This is it, the downhill straight hurtling towards the finish line. Finish with a flurry, why not?
Right now I’m sitting in House, this very familiar spot, looking out into the messy garden here. My body aches from chest and arm exercises but it feels good. Slowly making this machine the way it was supposed to be. A little late….but never too late.
It’s the 28th of December, the kids all had sports day yesterday and it was a blast. So much fun for everyone. Today is a combined Christmas/New Year party day and sure to be fun too. I’ll go back to school soon and stick around for a while before heading home for a five-day break. We talked about going to Chiang Mai which I’d really like to do but being short of cash means we’ll just be at home, spending New Year’s Eve at Mum and Dad’s.
I wonder what life will bring between now and when receiving this letter. I don’t have any definite plans but Amy is planning to go to Turkey and Europe sometime this year and maybe even a quick trip back to Australia.
I’d like to get back to other parts of South East Asia again to meet friends but also need some other motive, like a band tour to tag along with. I also only have April to take a break like that without getting penalised payment at work. Let’s see.
School has been great this year and the connection I feel with my students grows exponentially as I’m introduced to a new batch each year. I really hope I can stay here in this fulfilling role for a good while.
Joy, belligerent and hypnotic Cast a shadow of charity Over the long promontory A fat man, roly-poly round
Abundance in a city of kindness A broad island for a little boy A fungal cloud, a phoenix A beautiful desiccation
Radiance rose from the river That molten river of fire Gratification of vengeance Narrows victory to defeat
Charity bestowed from wings Of fury fanning the skies Attendant to the goddess of love Love shall burn all
This poem was inspired by the story of Richard Feynman and a phrase taken from his story about three students/assistants that became known as the Three Graces. Researching the Three Graces led me back to Greek Mythology (hence the title and theme of the poem). The image of the phoenix rising is then tied back to the science of the nuclear age and the events of August 1945 in Japan. Nagasaki means long promontory and Hiroshima means broad island and also sometimes city of kindness. The bombs were called little boy and fat man. The phoenix rising highlights the rise of Asia since those events.
Pretty good, getting up at 8 am and soon out for coffee. Whilst at Utopia, I worked on some poetry which came out pretty well, I think.
Without any other real plans for the day, I got myself into my room in the morning and started adding more old 1998 and 2009 entries to the blog.
Revived with lunch, I got back in there and did more, all the while listening to music I’ve downloaded in the past 12 months or so and deciding to either keep or delete. Finally, an hour or so of guitar playing too.
Today I’m grateful for:
My former self for being smart enough to keep some of my old emails that remind me of times past. There is a lot of other stuff that is no longer accessible, though, unfortunately.
The best thing about today was:
Getting a poem highlighted on AllPoetry.com, which was nice to find this morning and generated some extra commenters. I’ve been happy with what I’ve been writing recently and it’s nice to get some positive feedback.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This morning I also watched the mini-match of the Swans game and it was obvious within a couple of minutes that it wasn’t going to be a good day for us.
Still top of the table but with 4 losses in the last five games, our form is not inspiring confidence as we come towards the difficult end of the season.
Something I learned today?
Part of the problem with Australia’s high-priced housing is that not enough houses are being built for all the people who are either moving there or looking to move out of their family homes. I was surprised that there were just 170,000 homes built in one year. The lack of availability pushes up rents and house prices.
The average income required to buy a house now is 250K per year but the actual average income is only 120K.
It’s making me wonder where I might end up. Australia is still the most appealing place in the Western world, though. New Zealand may be an option at some point, I suppose.
I took this picture because this new flower in the garden stood out as I walked back into the house this morning.
Tired still and not particularly excited for my classes, knowing that many students will be missing for various reasons, disrupting my plans.
I got up ok this morning but feel a lack of energy and my eyes are a little blurry still.
Onwards we must go!
Today I’m grateful for:
A bit of a chilled, busy day due to circumstances described below. I’m still pretty tired at the end of the day but was expecting to feel much more exhausted after six hours in class, then dashing home and soon out again to the airport to pick up Amy. I’m looking forward to sleep but also feeling satisfied with the day.
The best thing about today was:
Falling into the rhythm of the day with only 14 out of 35 students turning up for my first class. The rest were mostly off doing projects and special meetings.
As the class was due to do presentations, this has to be delayed until next week. I figured I’d try to do some pronunciation work with the few students in attendance and settled on a 90-question Quiz about the pronunciation of past tense ‘-ed’ verbs.
At the start, everyone was quite competitive but with so many questions, once they started to understand the rules for this grammar point, they all started deliberately choosing the wrong answers to wind me up.
Suitably satisfied I stopped the quiz halfway and let the kids relax for the rest of the time.
And so it went on, in my next class, about 8 or 10 students were off doing something (which luckily I heard about yesterday and had prepared for) and I did a really simple reading, translation and quiz with the predominantly J-Biz program students.
I even managed to dash off to House for a quick coffee and writing catch-up before my final class with grade 8s and a tough reading challenge for them. I was pleasantly surprised at how well they handled it. Not with the quality of their reading but the fact that they’ve become accustomed with doing what I ask and feel comfortable that I will assist them. It’s a win as far as I’m concerned. If they can’t improve their English, at least their attitude to difficult tasks will improve.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve been a little frustrated with waiting on covers for the SpeechOdd/High Voltage split 12”, which Parthiban arranged with Talib in KL. Talib has been out of contact for a few weeks now and I’m sitting on a stack of currently unsellable vinyl until I get these covers.
There’s not much I can do and Parthiban is also frustrated and decided not to work with Talib again. Hopefully, the situation resolves soon.
Something I learned today?
I read an interesting piece about how Buenos Aires was richer and more culturally advanced than any other American city in the early 1900s until the Great Depression, followed by a series of political missteps, which saw it lose its status. There was even a phrase, ‘To wish to be as rich as an Argentinian!’
Review your acts, Good and bad.
Even after my long day of classes, I dropped in on Kru David’s grade 9 class and helped Nicha, Yurin and Tankoon to understand what was required. It felt good to help them and they showed their appreciation with their thanks.
I took this picture because Freya didn’t understand why I was saying ‘Sadako’ when she was fixing her hair, so I put the picture up on the screen and made her stand there too.
Somehow, she deals gently with her blues A feathery kind an introvert would choose All told her that she is beautiful and smart She counters she has no confidence at heart
Pretty good again. I got up and exercised, the 20-minute video workout again, not feeling quite as strained after finishing this time.
Once at school, Baipad, Apple, and Ploy were excited about a new game, and I also later downloaded it and played a bit tonight to see what it was all about.
It looks really good, but trying to follow everything on the small phone screen just makes my eyes ache. I can’t imagine what it is doing to children’s eyes, with them playing for hours on end.
After my morning coffee time, I had the pleasure of teaching the grade 12 kids, who are getting more into what I’m teaching them and also doing quite well.
With my younger kids, their blank stares usually indicate no understanding, but the older kids’ blank stares are them thinking! Part of my class today was about showing enthusiasm in their conversation.
Today I’m grateful for:
Not teaching my second class as the classroom was in use for next week’s competition preparation. I assigned the students some writing work to keep them busy for a little while, and was able to skip out an hour earlier than usual.
The best thing about today was:
Having the grade 12 students use the website that Kru Tang told me about today, and seeing the happiness on a few of their faces when they achieved relatively good scores testing their speaking.
I will get them to test themselves each week, and hopefully they will be able to see their own improvement over time.
Something I learned today?
Parents have complained to the school that the teachers are not teaching their classes because they are too busy preparing for next week’s competition, just handing out worksheets instead. I think the parents would complain even more if they actually saw what goes on in the classrooms!
Review your acts, Good and bad.
Spain turned up for class even though I had given them some writing work to do. He ended up following me around the school as I went checking up that the kids were doing their work.
Spain is a funny kid. He was some form of something or other, I wouldn’t like to say what, which seems to affect his social skills. With me today, though, he was nonstop talking, and I was quite impressed with his English skills. He struggles to make friends because of the way he is, but deep down, he’s a nice boy with a good heart.
Tonaor took this picture because she saw me passing by and shouted ‘selfie’, and everyone else came running out. From top right: Fah, me, Mei, Tonaor, August, Namthip, Namkhing, Nicha, Dena. Sadly, after three years of being in the ‘Talented English Program’, they can barely speak any English between them! Somehow, we’ve been able to bond and communicate with each other, though.
Wound tight, played precise A night fight, all that jazz Voodoo spell, doll will dance Deadside hell and razzmatazz Pagan sages, a ragtime roll Inner rages in shadow hours Pinprick pain, man divided Ridden insane by fiendish powers
Still a little dusty and vague. Predictably, last night I didn’t sleep well as indigestion bothered my stomach and the oysters bothered my guts.
A really vivid poop dream got me out of bed as the oysters decided to make their early exit and it was a struggle to get a good deep sleep after that.
Today I’m grateful for:
Starting to feel normal again this evening. Even early this afternoon I could still taste Friday night’s whiskey in my mouth. This evening I seem to have my energy and motivation back after pushing through with a few things this afternoon.
The best thing about today was:
Sorting things out this afternoon for the Bennu 12” release and the upcoming MPC CD, downloading some comics, listening to some tunes and playing a bit of guitar. I have to try and force myself into my room this week to play some more. No book reading again this weekend sadly. I really want to read more but seem more invested in YouTubing. I’m going to turn off the video I’m about to watch and read instead.
Something I learned today?
Watching the Swans mini-match I found out that we lost by one point in a poor game. Hopefully, it keeps us from being complacent.
Really lazy this morning with nothing to do except check out and then go somewhere to hang out before going to the airport.
Amy returned about an hour after me last night and had been throwing up. I got her into the room and after a bit of sorting out, she slept.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the taxi drivers, train drivers and airport folks who got us from there to here. Home again. It’s a massive effort of societal coordination and a privilege we often don’t think about.
The best thing about today was:
I experienced a brief moment of bliss as I balanced the taste of lemon tart and bitter coffee at the Coffee Club at the airport. It was so expensive I made damn sure I savoured it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There was a lot of waiting around today. It’s a bit of a write-off. We weren’t inspired to venture anywhere. I used the time to catch up on reading some poems.
Something I learned today?
Manchester City won the English Premier League. I think it was for a record-breaking fourth time running.
I took this picture at the cafe yesterday because it’s an interesting little statue that caught my eye. No pictures today as it was mostly the insides of hotel rooms, taxis, trains, shopping malls and airports.
Pretty good so far. Setting my alarm for 15 minutes earlier each morning in preparation for my return to work next week. I have a slight twinge in my left lower back from too much sitting around for the last couple of days and probably aggravated by the tree moving yesterday. I got back to exercising today too.
Today I’m grateful for:
Our pumpkin! The pumpkin that both Amy and I took care of to try and get it to a size and maturity that was edible, ended up in our spaghetti dish for lunch and it was great. Well done everyone!
The best thing about today was:
Cleaning out my inbox. It accumulates quickly and I don’t get a chance to follow up everything as I would like. I will need to get on top of this when I start working again next week. Get my priorities sorted again.
I’ve already started clearing out my YouTube Watch Later list by either watching in full or watching a little and deciding it’s not that important.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I decided to sort out a hotel room for myself for this coming Sunday in Bangkok. Nampan sent me a link to one near the venue and through Google Maps it linked to an Agoda booking where it said the cost was just 419 baht. Nice. It also said that if I downloaded the Agoda app I would get a 10% discount, so I did.
However, once downloading and going through the same process the total became something like 600 baht! So I went back to the original Agoda page and went to the checkout and the actual total was about 550 baht in the end!
Well, it’s still cheap enough. Never trust the price of anything you see online. Everything is a subtle scam.
Something I learned today?
When I got home from Utopia at around lunchtime (I was there so long cleaning out my inbox) I was happy to find that Amy had ironed all my shirts! I gave her a big kiss but it was already too hot to hug for long.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Baipad messaged me after a few days of quiet and she mentioned that she was expecting a delivery to her house in the next couple of days but is still stuck out at her grandma’s.
I suggested that she contact a neighbour or her friend Butter to pay and collect it if and when they call, or failing that she could call me and I could sort it out for her.
I’m starting to see that she has not been raised, or pursued herself, with a mind to think about how to get things done. Perhaps she’s spoiled a bit and I think the issue between her and her mum is that her mum doesn’t see any maturity in Baipad’s behaviour and actions at home, so she continues to treat her as a child that needs taking care of.
I suggested that she show her mum who she is and what she wants in her life and her mum might start treating her differently.
It reminded me of the time I asked Hayden who he was and how much he struggled with that question. Many of us do.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
A couple of days ago I watched a video about a tongue exercise and I’ve been trying to do it once or twice a day. It’s simply rubbing your tongue between your teeth and lips/cheek in a circular motion, first one way and then the other, 25 times.
It sounds easy, and it’s not really difficult but I soon started to notice how useless my muscles involved in this exercise are, particularly my neck.
I will keep practising and hope that it helps a little with my neck problems.
I took this picture because Tigger was chilling on the terrace in the late afternoon, perhaps waiting for a storm that never came.
The crying cats woke me up to feed them at 8.30 so I got up and did that but knew I wanted more sleep. Back in bed and I eventually got up at around 11.30. Hooray for a good long sleep!
I think I ended up sleeping at around 2am last night as I was reading comics til 1am and then listening to the Henry and Heidi podcast about Rollins Band.
Today I’m grateful for:
A guy called Pran. He is Baipad’s mum’s boyfriend and he got in touch with me today because he wants to understand more about Baipad because they may end up all living together.
Baipad put us in touch and was ok for me to tell him everything. I kinda understand why she doesn’t want to tell him directly. Baipad seems to like him so I hope he is a trustworthy and good guy.
The best thing about today was:
Getting back to some guitar practice. This holiday has been on and off for me, not wanting to go out into the oven of my room in the afternoons. But today I told myself to get back to it. It was a struggle to play and I know that it just needs more practice and that the more I do, the better I will get.
I also told myself that I need to get back into exercise too. I downloaded a new app to try out for motivation and will start tomorrow.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing wildly out of control. I accepted that I woke up late and was even happy about it as I got enough good rest.
At various times throughout the day Amy would order me to do something and I was in the mood to acquiesce without complaint.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
With Baipad’s approval I told Pran everything that I knew about Baipad’s experience and also gave my suggestions as to what might help her. I also told him that I understood Baipad’s mum too.
Anchan said that she wanted to go to a friends house and bake. I told her to stop thinking and get going. Later on she told me that she had a good time.
Momo took this picture last week because I asked her to. With me is Baitong – a funny favourite of mine.
A bit agitated, deflated and flat today. Also, despite a drop in temperature (though not very significant) my body feels hotter than usual.
I got an hour or so of planning done this morning and perhaps having to do all this preparation is playing on my mind a little too.
I should also mention that last week I started taking a couple of multivitamins, a couple of resveratol and a couple of creatine supplements.
I am still cynical about their effectiveness in general but consider that I may be lacking certain things in my diet as I have been eating less for the last year or two.
So I’m not sure if it is because of the supplements or because it’s holiday time but I do feel like I have more energy and also feel less sleepy and tired. I guess I’ll find out more about their effectiveness when I get back into the swing of school again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The odd job man, recommended by Amy’s friend Hangie, who was as good as his word and came on time, replaced our roof tile (though not sure how securely!) and propped up our fence (which is definitely a temporary thing) at the corner of the garden. He only wanted 100 baht too. We gave him 200.
The best thing about today was:
Nothing in particular. My mood and energy picked up a little by the evening but not to the point of any real inspiration.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My mood was weird and unexplainable today. It wasn’t anything out of control just a general lack. Handled by soldiering on through the day.
Something I learned today?
My old student Kamboom will be in M4 (grade 10) next year (already!). She got top grades last year – she’s a good student, for sure. She wants to learn Japanese now.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
A lot of nice chats with a few of my grade 7 students just to check in to see how they are doing.
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
Besides our love for each other, which goes beyond our minor niggles with having lived together for 15 years or more, the first thing to mention is the love we have for our cats.
As we commemorate little Kim’s passing one year ago this week, we stress and worry about old man Cappuccino.
All our cats have gone through phases of being healthy and happy with periods of sick and sorry. Tigger seems to be in his healthy phase at the moment and has no complications from having HIV. We know when he doesn’t feel well because he usually never refuses food, fat furry fuck that he is!
For some reason, he has started talking more and become more affectionate recently. Maybe he knows that something is up with Cap and is trying to tell us?
Another thing that we have in common is our understanding of fidelity.
We both know that if we stray then that is the end of ‘us’. That suits us both.
I personally don’t believe in fidelity for everyone, or perhaps even at all. It doesn’t seem quite natural. It is a construct of our society. But it is something that I believe in doing for myself because I grew up in this society.
The third thing that we have in common is our way of thinking. I guess this follows on from the more specific issue of fidelity.
In our relationship, we are completely understanding of each other’s interests and passions and happily let each other indulge in them alone. Where many couples insist on being together all the time, we have never subscribed to putting each other through the tortures of enduring things like my music or her love of dancing to English 90s pop!
Since I’ve stopped drinking so much this has made it a little difficult for us to go together for a night out though I do submit from time to time.
I took this picture because I’m hoping that some of these mangoes get to their full potential this year. The whole tree is sprouting like never before. But a couple already got blown off by the storms over the last couple of nights.
1994ever 